What happens to men at 32 years old. “Unsustainable”: crisis every day

There are times when so many questions accumulate that you need to somehow give them an outlet. Writer, journalist, blogger and traveler Olesya Novikova shares her life conclusions, which she came to at the age of 32.

1. Everyone is scared

And those who are financially independent. And those who are talented. And those who are unconditionally good-looking. And to those who are smart and worldly savvy. And to those who were born into a happy complete family. And to those who live by the ocean. And young people. And old. And to those who are recognized in their business. And to those who have an understanding partner. And for those who do yoga. And martial arts. And meditation. And for those who are just starting out. And those who have a lot of experience. And to those who seem to be absolutely fine.

Everyone is scared.

Start new. Get out of the usual circle. To risk. Doing something you're not used to yet. I'm scared for my loved ones. Let's get to work. For your life, if pressed. And much more.

The fear will continue. No matter how much experience, practice, confidence, recognition, money, talent you have, but every time you reach new heights, every time you go on stage, every time you look at your loved ones, there will be fear to one degree or another. This is fine. This means you are still alive. And that means we need to move forward. Through fear. Don't try to get rid of it completely.

2. There is no life without change.

Stability is illusory. The plateau state is absurd. We are constantly on the move. But this, of course, is a tolerant banality, because in reality we are constantly aging. And one can say even harsher, but this is Pelevin’s domain. I won't climb.

We are constantly changing externally and internally, these processes do not stop for a second. And seconds, as a measure of measurement, are even a lot here. Processes go on every moment. This is many seconds. Question: “To change or not to change?” a sane person cannot stand it. Only: “Do I have anything to do with these changes and to what extent?”

3. Fast is slow, but without interruption. In the words of Japanese folklore.

There is no need for fast, intense, cool, very powerful. Just doing it regularly is enough. The most important thing is to keep the rhythm. Little by little, but with a stable consistency. And after some time, from the outside, it will look fast, intense, cool and very powerful.

4. Create more than you consume.

Otherwise, that's it. The hopeless life of the consumer is ornately intertwined into a meaningful conclusion: “Everything is good, but nothing good.”

A person must do something. Voluntarily and lovingly. This is the formula for his mental health. And as a bonus, interestingly, this is the only way to enjoy consumption that will not destroy it. This process can be considered a healthy mental metabolism.

5. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today.

This phrase needs to be repeated like a mantra until it dawns on you that your parents have nothing to do with your adult problems. In any case, it is not their fault that there is no one to change the record in your head, which has been stuck since childhood - they, in any case, are not included there.

For those who understand everything about parents and the past as such, it makes sense to continue repeating until it becomes clear that the reasons for failures have no such of great importance, as is commonly believed, and the question: “Why?” - in itself is not particularly valuable, but it draws energy along full program. You can change your actions today without any answers at all.

6. There are no guarantees.

The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to pass all your decisions and plans.

7. The era of secret knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has arrived.

For five years now, knowledge has not been the main currency in the matter of achievements and any meaningful existence. The Internet has devalued them with its accessibility. Concentration took over. The ability to stay focused on a task and not lose interest is what rules. And this skill is directly dependent on the information noise that is everywhere today. The more verbal garbage there is around, the weaker the focus. The more other people's thoughts, the quieter your own voice. Constantly being in the Internet stream atrophies the ability to self-awareness, replacing the essence with concepts of what it is.

8. Joy and pleasure are not the same thing.

We never get joy from chocolate cake, a glass of wine or a cigarette. We don't get joy from new boots or perfume. It is important to call a spade a spade - we have fun. But here the chemistry is completely different. The nature of this feeling is very fleeting and inextricably linked with subsequent dissatisfaction, boredom, satiety and the desire for a new portion. It’s not scary to deny yourself pleasures, it’s scary not to know joy.

9. Suffering exists.

Buddha was right after all. Suffering exists. Everyone suffers. And those who have nothing and those who have everything. And whoever specifically is not suffering at this moment will go into pain the next, as soon as the dollar exchange rate changes, a terrorist attack occurs, will receive in response that they do not like him, will see a dirty entrance, will not wait for a response to a message, will not receive money, or for any other reason a breath of wind. Suffering exists. And always for no reason, if you remember the ending of any human being.

10. Not everyone can be happy.

This is an amazingly simple thing that I refused to see for so long. Our belief in a miracle and a happy ending on the occasion of our own unsurpassed uniqueness is too strong. But can everyone run a 42-kilometer running marathon? In theory, yes, human resources are capable of this, but in practice, this is only accessible to a trained person.

Of course, an untrained person can train. But the chain is lengthening and it is important to see it. Right now, an unprepared person is not capable of this. Can everyone be happy? Yes of course! But this is in theory. In practice, only those who have access to mental discipline can be stably happy, that is, calm, balanced, blissful, if you like. Whose mind is capable (trained) not to twitch due to all the numerous reasons that surround it. Who can remain in the balance of joy not only in calm, but also in the rush unpleasant situations. Otherwise, all the endless reasons for scratching your car will throw you into pain, irritation and anxiety. And this is just some kind of car, but there are more serious situations. This is samsara, baby. Such a driven mind, reacting to any incident, can only be called happy in Instagram status.

11. Joy is the balance of the mind.

If you had told me this 5 years ago, I would have twisted it at my temple. When you dream day and night of great bright love, a friendly family, an interesting profitable business, the opportunity to work for yourself and not for someone else, a life full of travel, it seems that, after all, you have some idea of ​​​​joy, at least , about your own. Yes, you are now unsatisfied in many ways, yes, something can make you angry, and you are suffering. So this is understandable. But you know what to strive for. You know where your tangible, enduring joy is, looking at your so alluring dreams.

Joy is a state of complete balanced peace of mind, which is achieved by liberation from the blind (automatic) reactions of this very mind. The healthy, perhaps the only, way to experience (and develop) such a state as an adult is through deep observation meditation.

12. Fruits are not acidic, but alkaline foods.

Scientifically speaking, fresh ripe fruits and almost all vegetables cause alkaline reaction and help neutralize excess acid in it, while starch, sugar, meat products, fats, oils, dairy products, on the contrary, acidify the body. Full description is in the table by N. Walker and R. Pope, which is available via Google.

13. “My body itself knows what is best for it” - one of the most insidious traps mind.

The body of an alcoholic wants to drink, the body of a smoker dreams of a cigarette, our body craves chocolate and French fries. What “knows best” is everyone talking about? Just as the mind lives by automatic reactions, preventing a person from making basic progress in his life, so the body obeys habits and chaotic impulses of lust.

14. Nutrition affects not only our body, but also our mind.

Just like alcohol, which noticeably changes our consciousness, dulling it, some products have a similar effect, but in a less pronounced and often unconscious form. Eating can slow and unfocus the head, weakening control, power of awareness, and clarity of perception. A slightly “foggy” state becomes the norm, allowing a person to forget what lightness and clarity really mean. The most “free” foods are fresh vegetables and fruits, as well as plant foods and cereals, cooked in a simple way with a minimum content of oil, seasonings and salt.

15. You need so much money that you don’t think about it.

Money doesn't solve main question humanity - they do not make their owner happy. But the ability not to think about them, at least in everyday life, significantly frees up energy for other processes.

16. We are all the same much more than we are different.

The importance of personal uniqueness is greatly exaggerated and prevents us from quickly solving our problems. All answers and solutions have existed for a long time, and fixation on one’s own uniqueness does not allow a person to push his ego to where it would be useful for him to always be and without interference to perceive the reality around him with all the answers and clues.

17. Addiction can only be treated with 100% cessation.

You can't drink one glass of wine if you're an alcoholic. You shouldn't smoke sometimes if you're trying to quit. You will be constantly twisted. Ups and downs. Disruptions. In matters of psychoenergetic “hooks” there are no halftones. And this rule is unshakable for dependencies of all types.

18. There is no state of internal 100% readiness for change.

We are always not fully prepared for turns and changes. There are always good “buts” and reasons to postpone a little until a more favorable situation. It is useless to wait for unambiguous internal agreement; you need to make a decision based more on “it’s time” than on ephemeral readiness.

19. Life is a book, the first chapters of which were not written by you.

Yes, and the subsequent ones too, most often.

We consist of beliefs and models of the world around us, and this world is not the abstract planet Earth, but a very concrete entrance, office, home - the place where we spend time. These are friends, colleagues, parents, store clerks whom you encounter every evening. This is a feed on social networks and so-called Facebook friends. We absorb views, positions, points of view simply automatically, we breathe them in with the air and become the same or, on the contrary, opposite, which is also an automatic moment of denial. In childhood, this process is completely uncontrollable. The essence of our personality was collected by other people and conscious parental contribution (if there was any) is far from predominant there. What we consider ourselves and what we should be afraid of losing, according to some psychologists, is just, to one degree or another, a beautiful mosaic of our environment. There's nothing to lose. I think that's great news. You can redraw everything in any direction you want.

20. The result is the number of attempts.

Not just one well-aimed shot. And certainly not luck in the long run.

21. What helped you at one stage may turn out to be a hindrance to reaching the next.

The ability to make fundamental changes is characterized by the ability to refuse. But not only from what bothers you. Sometimes it is very important to give up what has helped you in the past. A simple example: small business rules don't work on average. It is impossible to grow without abandoning some of them, even if they raised the process yesterday. The same applies to the human personality - its attitudes, plans.

22. Behind the comfort zone is the discomfort zone.

Not a box of chocolates.

23. Life without a goal does not exist.

Just like states without change. The only question is: do you set these goals yourself or leave them to your instincts (unconscious goals).

24. Laziness does not exist.

There are unloved activities, lack of energy and lack of a large-scale vision to take your breath away from the opening prospects. But there is no laziness.

25. It is impossible to find yourself, you can only create yourself.

There is nothing and no one to look for. You are always here and now. And your path is what is under your feet at this particular second, nothing more. That same “own” path differs from what it is not only by the fact of the awareness of the walker, who lays out, albeit small, but quite tangible goals. When these goals are determined by other people or they sprout chaotically through the word “should” - there is no path, there is a set of motley restless episodes.

26. Alcohol is not needed.

27. Unfulfilled potential hurts.

And it is useless to hide from this fact into a chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts, the same stories about femininity, motherhood, and so on. For every talent we will be asked.

28. Banks should pay you, not you pay them. This is the only possible financial health.

You should never ever buy something you haven't earned for. Never. In any case, if you dream of serious changes. We pay the bank not only with money, but also with our free energy. There is practically no space left for risk and adventurous moves. A breakthrough from such a state (especially to a new financial level) is hardly possible.

29. Two abilities that need to be mastered as early as possible: the ability to tense up and the ability to relax.

Any movement requires tension at one time or another. If you go to it reluctantly, out of necessity, you will spend twice as much energy. Part is for the effort itself, the rest is for mental stress. To the internal struggle. Hence the need to learn to strain at will, to love your effort. If you are able to exert yourself voluntarily, seeing this as an exclusively positive aspect, the amount of energy spent will be reduced significantly. It will turn out bigger and easier.

And the ability to relax - to accept reality as it is, to let go of your own expectations, untying internal knots and relieving bodily tension through yoga and breathing techniques, for example - is the second wing, without which you will not get far on tension alone.

30. Two answers that you need to learn as early as possible: “Yes” and “No.”

Saying “Yes” to situations and people despite the lack of guarantees, complete internal readiness and various external circumstances. And say “No” first of all to yourself - to your weaknesses, fears and inner licentiousness. And only far later - to other people.

31. Cool things differ from good things by the ability of the doer to forget himself.

A creator differs from a person who does something well in that he puts the work above himself, dissolving his ego in the process. And he does this consciously and lovingly, and not out of lack of choice or a sense of duty. So one marketer can be a true musician in the profession, while another musician remains the one who deals with music for the rest of his life.

32. Every sign encountered on the way always has at least 3 interpretations.

1. Maybe this really is a sign! 2. Maybe you are delusional and pulling facts beyond your ears. 3. Or maybe this test is a phenomenon opposite to the sign - an attempt to divert you from the chosen path, as a test of the sincerity of your decision and the strength of intention.

There will be changes and there will be changes. Thanks for reading.

Typically, the crisis begins at the age of 28–32, when the processes of reassessment of values ​​and goals, search for a place in adult society are most pronounced, conflicts of adolescence are finally resolved, and new responsibilities are acquired.

People differ in their behavior patterns depending on the choices they made in their twenties. It is believed that each behavior model has its own set of psychological problems associated with how effectively a person solves his development problems.

Women's behavior patterns

“Caring”: features of self-identification

Such women get married around the age of 20 (or earlier) and do not plan to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to solve the problems that a person faces at the age of twenty: gaining autonomy and independence, forming an identity, a holistic image of “I”, combining different elements personality. A woman can break away from her parents and family, but still not become independent: her husband still takes on parental functions (economic and control).

With this model, there are several possibilities for pathological identification: through the husband and his achievements, through children, through sex and through hoarding.

When identified through her husband, a woman faces the loss of her own individuality. Status is gained through the husband's achievements and possession of things.

Another identification possibility is to become a mother. The birth of a child serves as “proof” of the feminine essence. Therefore, many unemployed women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. In the future, when children grow up and leave home, solving the problem of finding oneself will become even more difficult.

Sex can be a cure for boredom and routine life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to assert herself through sex, a housewife often begins to look for pleasure on the side.

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday finds a woman with a “caring” model of behavior unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, and has no education or profession. The task of development is complicated by family problems and a lag in the professional sphere from peers. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development and the emergence of neuroses are possible.

“Either-Or”: An Efficient Model

These women at 20 must make a choice between love and children or work and education. There are 2 types of such women: some put off thoughts about a career until a later date, but, unlike the “caring” ones, after some time they still intend to make a career. Others seek to complete their education first, postponing motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do more internal work, which will help her in the future accurately determine her priorities. Unlike “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from early adolescence to adulthood, defined life goals (family, work), and laid the foundation for a future career. The danger of this development model is that if the resolution of the crisis is postponed to a later date, there may be a loss of professional skills and increased competition among peers.

Studies of women who chose the second type of “either-or” model are quite small. Typically, such women are the firstborn in the family; their mothers have no influence on them. The typical content of a crisis is a sudden realization that they have little time left, a feeling of loneliness. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and try to get married. The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner; men often tend to fear them.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, and then get married and become mothers around the age of 30. This model is the most effective: its advantage is that events can be planned, and the woman becomes more prepared for the crisis of her thirtieth birthday.

"Integrators": main difficulties

Such women try to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. The content of the crisis is that the woman feels tired, overwhelmed by tasks, guilty before her family, and she constantly has to sacrifice something. According to some researchers, a woman is able to combine these roles only by the age of 35.

Often women cannot withstand the stress and for some time refuse either work or marriage and raising children. Others find a more positive way out, redistributing household responsibilities with their husbands, working part-time, using the services of nannies.

Modern models families and some progress in the views of society suggest many positive ways out of such a crisis.

"Women Who Never Get Married" including nannies, educators, “office wives.” Some women from this group are homosexual, some refuse sex altogether. Some become community workers and direct their creative abilities to caring for the world. However, there are also women who are ready to exclude all other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

“Unsustainable”: crisis every day

At the age of 20, such women choose impermanence, travel through life, changing place of residence, occupation and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen this model of behavior prefers not to be defined in any way in life: she does not have a regular income, often wanders and, as a rule, has no mature personality, It has low self-esteem, lives for today.

Contents of the crisis: by the age of 30, a woman gets tired of the “free life” and faces the problem of further self-determination. In fact, it must solve the problems of both adolescence and thirty years of age. In extreme cases, development may be delayed to such an extent that the person is unable to enter the next period. He feels overwhelmed by new challenges while he struggles with old ones. Often women from the “unsustainable” category are included in the risk group: it is typical for them destructive behavior, alcohol and drug abuse. If the outcome of the crisis is negative, the problems worsen and the woman becomes “stuck” at the teenage stage.

The development and maturation of a person is individual. But unites everyone general feature: at certain moments in life, age-related crises form. For women, one of the most powerful and difficult crises is turning 30. Its manifestations are attempts to understand oneself more fully, rethinking relationships with family and friends, thoughts about further development career and family...

Causes of the crisis of 30 years

A crisis situation does not appear empty space. Characteristic prerequisites lead to it. For thirty-year-olds, crisis triggers.

1. Difficulties in personal life. Women who are not married by the age of 30 experience a decline in self-esteem and develop chronic depression and uncertainty about the future. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to many. If the lady is married, there is likely to be disappointment in family life, accumulated fatigue from constant chores around the house and caring for children. Relatives and friends do not have more than enough problems, but on the contrary.
2. The appearance of signs of aging. By the beginning of the fourth decade, it is difficult not to notice the characteristic symptoms of maturity: fat deposition on the hips, cellulite, sagging skin, facial (and for some, “real” large) wrinkles. In those who have given birth several times, the symptoms are even more pronounced.
3. Uncertainty in the career field. A career doesn’t necessarily become something important. But when a serious bet is placed on it, and a high position has not been achieved by the age of 30, a crisis is inevitable.
4. Unfavorable comparison of your own achievements with others. By the age of 30, you want to achieve success in at least some area. Having failed, not buying a good home, not having a child, not moving abroad, a woman begins to feel shame, usually unconscious. Classmates and classmates who have achieved more, by their example, reinforce negative feelings and moods.

The reasons “converge” together in the period 28–32 years. Fluctuations are possible, but minor. It is no coincidence that the crisis of 30 years is called the most dangerous and most difficult in a woman’s life. Up to 80% of the fair sex are “diagnosed” with this crisis. developed countries. And based on what symptoms?

Symptoms of a female crisis

It is possible to determine a crisis state by observing behavior, communication and thoughts. The symptoms of the crisis are especially pronounced in these areas.

1. A feeling of unrealized potential. Have you wanted so much, and now you are worried about what you have not achieved and not received? This means that the first symptom has been detected. At the age of 30, most people think about their own insolvency. Even women who have made wonderful careers and given birth to two or three wonderful children.
2. Constant “discovery” of new problems. Are you starting to notice a lot of problems? Your figure is in trouble, work isn’t great, your husband doesn’t like you, your kids don’t listen, your favorite TV series suddenly ended? This is a clear sign of a crisis. It is accompanied by many negative emotions, and against the background of the latter, any events seem worse than they are. A subjective and pessimistic view of what is happening plays a serious role.
3. Thoughts about old age. “Here I am in my thirties, I’ve become quite old,” intrusive thought, indicating a crisis. Psychologically important numbers are a separate topic, and we will not discuss them now... The main thing is that the thirty-year mark is perceived as a subjectively terrible event, indicating the “end of youth.”
4. Birthdays are no longer a holiday. As soon as you begin to perceive your birthday as a sad date, the crisis becomes completely clear. After all, the further, “the worse.” And the next full year is another step towards old age.
5. Desire for change. By the crisis of 30 years, a clear desire is formed to get rid of the old and acquire a new one. Women change their clothing style, think about moving to another city, think about divorce and changing jobs... Usually radical changes lead to worse consequences: there is no satisfaction from the changes, since they are not caused by an objective need, but by the desire to escape from problems.
6. Scandals, grievances, disappointment in loved ones. The crisis of 30 years threatens the family and relationships with relatives. The shortcomings of the husband, parents, girlfriends, and colleagues come to the fore. The result is irritation and omissions, which develop into swearing and the end of normal communication.

Symptoms do not often appear together. Usually there is only one clearly defined one, and the rest go “in the background.” The presence of even a couple of the above signs is an alarm bell. It's time to start solving the problem.

How to deal with a crisis

Views on overcoming the crisis in 30 years are different. Some psychologists advise not to do anything at all, but just wait. Indeed, time eliminates the crisis. More precisely, from its symptoms. But the reasons will not go away unless you consciously work on them. What to do?

1. Remove some of the responsibility. Excessive workloads and the need to take care of things at home and at work will not help cope with the crisis. We need to make life easier for at least a couple of months. Your husband, relatives, and close friends will help you at home. At work - colleagues with whom I still have good relations. Is it possible to temporarily shift responsibilities to someone else? Do it.
2. Revive an old hobby, find a new one. Monotony is not good. Relieve stress and take your mind off bad thoughts your favorite activity will help. Sewing, photography, cycling... What do you like most? Now is the time to return to activities that bring pleasure.
3. Spend time with your husband, relatives, friends. Spending time together will help avoid ruining relationships with loved ones. But not on the usual “duty” occasion (someone’s birthday, New Year and so on), but just like that. Get out with your husband to a pleasant establishment, stay for a romantic evening and night together, sending the children away. Visit relatives living in another city. Meeting a good old friend after a long breakup.
4. Change for the better. Take advantage of the desire for change - improve yourself. Start visiting a fitness club, swimming pool, lose weight. Take a foreign language course. Attend some training sessions personal growth. As a last resort, take an internship and courses related to your work. Useful for peace of mind.
5. Increase endorphin levels. And we must not forget about physiology. Endorphins, which maintain a positive attitude and optimism in you, are produced in greater volumes during sports and sex. Also useful are being in the sun (including in a solarium) and eating chocolate in reasonable quantities. In general, use every moment that brings joy!

We do not deliberately encourage soul-searching, compiling lists of positive and negative traits, preparing plans for the future. Such psychological tricks do not save you from the crisis of your 30s, since during this period a woman is deprived of rationality. No matter how much you talk about the “beautiful distant”, a walk on fresh air, a glass of wine by candlelight, a sound sleep will be more beneficial. Find out more useful information from the video below.

Results

It is impossible to avoid the crisis of 30 years. In women, it is caused by subjective unfulfillment in life, family problems, career difficulties and deterioration in appearance. Effective ways to combat: have a good time, save good relations with loved ones, taking care of your own body. The right approach and optimistic attitude will shorten the period of crisis to a couple of months. Afterwards there will be relief and life will return to normal.

In the middle of early adulthood (around the age of thirty), a person experiences a state of crisis, a certain turning point in development, due to the fact that the ideas about life that developed between twenty and thirty years old do not satisfy him.

Analyzing the path traveled, his achievements and failures, a person discovers that despite an already established and apparently prosperous life, his personality is imperfect, that a lot of time and effort was wasted, that he did little compared to what he could have done, etc. In other words, there is a reassessment of values, a critical revision of one’s “I”. A person discovers that he can no longer change many things in his life, in himself: family, profession, usual way of life. Having self-realized at this stage life, during youth, a person suddenly realizes that, in essence, he faces the same task - search, self-determination in new circumstances of life, taking into account real opportunities(including limitations that he had not noticed before). This crisis manifests itself in a feeling of the need to “do something” and indicates that a person is moving to a new age level - the age of adulthood. "Crisis of Thirty" - code name. This state can occur earlier or later; the feeling of a crisis state can occur throughout life path repeatedly (as in childhood, adolescence, adolescence), since the process development is underway in a spiral without stopping.

For men at this time, it is typical to change jobs or change their lifestyle, but their focus on work and career does not change. The most common motive voluntary departure from work is dissatisfaction with something at this place. In this case, the main importance is dissatisfaction with the job: the production environment, work intensity, wages, etc. If job dissatisfaction arises as a result of the desire to achieve a better result, then this only contributes to the improvement of the employee himself.

For women, during the mid-30s crisis, priorities that were established in early adulthood usually change (Craig, 2003, Levinson, 1990). Women oriented toward marriage and raising children are now to a greater extent are starting to attract professional goals. At the same time, those who devoted their energies to work now, as a rule, direct them into the bosom of family and marriage.

Experiencing a crisis of thirty years, a person is looking for an opportunity to strengthen his niche in adult life, confirmation of his adult status: he wants to have Good work, he strives for security and stability. The person is still confident that the full realization of the hopes and aspirations that make up the “dream” is possible, and he works hard for this.

Research examining gender differences in development has yielded conflicting results. Some authors claim that transition periods, both in women and men, are closely related to age; others believe that for women, stages of the family cycle are indicators of transitions (Craig, 2003).

G. Sheehy proposes “models of behavior” as a classification possible options addressing development challenges for women and men. Sheehy, like some other authors (Levinson, 1986; Vitkin, 1996), especially notes the crisis at the age of 28–32, when the processes of revaluation are most pronounced life values and goals, finding a place in adult society, conflicts of adolescence are finally resolved, new responsibilities are acquired.

People behave differently depending on the choices they make in their twenties. Depending on the various models behavior, everyone develops their role in life in their own way, so it is important to assess future prospects. Behavior patterns themselves change, becoming more diverse, reflecting the influence of a changing world. Sheehy believes that each behavior model corresponds to a certain set of psychological problems related to how effectively a person solves his developmental tasks - a deep crisis and “getting stuck” in previous stages or a more successful entry into adulthood (Sheehy, 1999).

"Caring" They get married at the age of twenty or even earlier and at this time they do not intend to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to resolve the tasks that a person faces at this age: gaining autonomy and independence, forming an identity, a holistic image of the “I”, combining various elements of personality. A woman can break away from her parents, from her parental family, but still cannot become independent and independent: her husband takes on parental functions (economic and control).

There are several possibilities for pathological identification in this developmental pattern. B. Friedan (Friedan, 1992) identifies the following: through the husband and his achievements, children, sex, hoarding.

When identified through her husband, a woman faces the loss of her own individuality. Status is acquired through the husband's achievements and possession of things that are symbols of this status. Another identification possibility is to become a mother. The birth of a child gives meaning to existence and serves as “proof” of the feminine essence. Therefore, many unemployed women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. Then, when the children grow up and leave home, solving the problem of finding oneself and the meaning of life will be even more difficult. Sex can be a cure for boredom and routine life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to establish herself through sex and not finding satisfaction in it, the housewife finds herself in a vicious circle. This often leads to a search for pleasure on the side and a retreat into the world of sexual dreams. American psychologists say that housewives are more prone to cheating than working women.

Often marriage is an attempt to test one's own identity with the help of another person. According to statistics, youth marriages do not last as long as those who marry after twenty. E. Erikson sees in this fact proof that it is impossible to achieve intimacy by striving for identity in this way (Kjell, Ziegler, 1997).

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday, when most women go through a situation of re-election, finds a woman with such a model of behavior completely unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, has no education, profession, her identity is uncertain, i.e. not resolved previous task development. The wait for the opportunity to create a satisfying relationship becomes increasingly burdensome, mainly for internal reasons: due to growing self-doubt, a slowdown in overall development, economic dependence is also burdensome. Finally, there is a growing void in the area of ​​achievement as more and more emphasis is placed on achievement over the years. It seems to her that life has lost its meaning, and embitterment develops (Horney, 1993).

The task of development (identity, independence) is complicated by family problems and lagging behind peers in the professional sphere. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development is possible, and the risk of neuroticization increases.

"Or or". These women at twenty must make a choice between love and children or work and education. There are two types of such women: some put off thoughts about a career until a later date, but, unlike the “caring” ones, after some time they intend to make a career; others strive to finish theirs first professional education, postponing motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do a lot of internal work, which will help her in the future accurately determine her priorities. Unlike “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from adolescence to early adulthood, identified life goals (family, work), and laid the foundation for a future career. The danger with this development model is that if the resolution of the crisis is delayed until a later date, there may be a loss of professional skills and increased competition from peers. The content of the crisis: suppression of that part of one’s “I” that longs to gain professional recognition in the world, that is, to make a career. Subjective sensations: anxiety, vague fears (Sheehy, 1999); dissatisfaction with her role as a housewife, resistance from her husband, who often does not encourage the desire to work (Vitkin, 19966; Friedan, 1992).

Studies of a group of women who chose the second type of “either-or” model (first a career, then the role of a wife and mother) are quite small. Typically, such women are the firstborn in the family; their mothers have no influence on them. Fathers support their daughters' self-esteem and become its main source. All respondents received higher education and at the age of 25 decided to postpone motherhood and marriage. The typical content of the crisis is the sudden realization that they have little time left to have a child, a feeling of loneliness. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and may “jump out” to get married (Vitkin, 19966). The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner; men are usually “afraid” of them. The search may drag on indefinitely, and the woman may not start a family. Among those who did not marry, we can distinguish a group that chose new development tasks and one that did not solve the problems of the crisis.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, then get married and become a mother by the age of thirty. G. Sheehy calls this option the most effective. The advantage of this model is that it allows you to plan events and the woman is more prepared for the transition to her thirties: “intimate relationships” have been created - family, there are career achievements. An increasing number of women are postponing motherhood. According to American statistics, between 1980 and 1988 the number of women who chose this development model doubled (Vitkin, 19966). The crisis in this case usually consists in the fact that the “biological clock” tells the woman that she may not have time to become a mother; she begins to put pressure on her husband, who may not be ready to become a father. The task of becoming a mother becomes the main one. Another problem may be that it is difficult for a woman to give birth to a child - the clock has struck too late. Many find a way out by taking in adopted children by caring for nephews and nieces (Vitkin, 1996a). "Integrators". They are trying to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. Contents of the crisis: a woman feels tired, overwhelmed by tasks, guilty before her husband and children, she constantly has to sacrifice either her family or her career in order to get everything done. According to some researchers (Levinson, 1990; Sheehy, 1999), a woman can combine both of these roles only by the age of thirty-five. Often women cannot withstand such stress and, as a result, or for some time until their children grow up, they refuse to work, or give up marriage and raising children. Others find a more positive way out: they redistribute household responsibilities with their husbands, work from home, using modern means of communication, part-time work, and resort to the help of a nanny (Vitkin, 19966; Nekrasov, Vozilkin, 1993). Modern family models and progress in the views of society suggest many possible options for positive outcomes with such a model. New structure life - a temporarily unemployed or part-time father, a “Sunday” father, taking care of children on weekends and holidays, allowing a woman to become a mature person: giving her the opportunity to “love and work” (Freud, 1993). Similar relationships in marriage unions can give a woman the opportunity to connect all sides of her being.

“Women who never get married,” including nannies, childcare workers, and “office wives.” Some women in this group are heterosexual, others are lesbians, and still others are sexually abstinent (Morse, 1993; Sheehy, 1999). Some unmarried women become public workers, nannies-governesses, educators for orphans and children with delayed development. They direct their creative abilities to care for children around the world. However, there are also women who become “office wives”, ready to exclude any other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

"Unstable." At the age of twenty, they choose impermanence, travel through life, changing their place of residence, activities and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen this model of behavior prefers not to be defined in any way in life: she does not have a regular income, family, profession, often wanders and, as a rule, has an immature personality, is not ready to “love and work”, has low self-esteem, lives for today, without thinking about the future (Witkin, 19966). The content of the crisis: by the age of thirty, a woman gets tired of the “free life”, she is faced with the problem of further self-determination, finding herself in the adult world and acquiring a profession. In fact, it must solve the problems of both adolescence and the thirty-year period. If tasks associated with a previous developmental period are not resolved, they may complicate or overlap with the tasks of subsequent periods (Levinson, 1990). In extreme cases, development may be delayed to such an extent that the person is unable to enter the next period. He feels that he is overwhelmed by new tasks, while he is struggling with old ones, may appear mental illness, the person will lose his way in life or seek death. Often women in this category are at risk: they lead an antisocial lifestyle, they are characterized by destructive behavior, alcohol and drug use. If the outcome is negative, these problems worsen, and the woman becomes “stuck” at the adolescent stage.

Male behavior patterns can be divided into three main groups (Vitkin, 1996a; Sheehy, 1999):

Unstable. They are unwilling or unable to set firm internal guidelines at the age of twenty and continue the experiments of youth. These are people capable of only limited emotional experiences. They grab onto one thing or another, without bringing anything to the end. They do not have a clear idea of ​​what profession attracts them. They do not strive for consistency - at least not in their twenties.

For some people who follow this pattern of behavior, continuing the experiments of youth is positive - if it helps form the basis for future choices. In general, people who start out with an unstable behavior pattern spend about thirty years feeling desire establish personal goals and attachments (although they do not necessarily get married). Some men by mid-life remain in a period of moratorium, still feeling for ways to identify their personality and feeling an internal vague need to determine their goals.

Closed. This is the most common category. They peacefully, without crises and introspection, outline solid guidelines at the age of twenty. People who engage in this pattern of behavior are reliable but easily overwhelmed. In their search for early stability, they often do not seriously evaluate the value system that underlies their goals.

Prodigies. They put themselves at risk and play to win, often believing that once they reach the top, their self-doubt will disappear. A child prodigy usually achieves success early. His reaction to all other ideas about adult development is noteworthy. He will only believe in them if they allow him to go upstairs. He does overcome difficult professional challenges earlier than his peers, although he does not always reach the top or remain at the top once he reaches it. He thinks only about business, and the boundary between work and personal life blurs very early on.

Content of the crisis: they are afraid to admit to themselves that they do not know everything. They are afraid to let anyone get too close to them. They are afraid to stop and spend time struggling with external difficulties that seem insurmountable to them. They are afraid that someone might laugh at them, influence them, exploit their weaknesses and limit them to the helplessness of a small child. In fact, they are afraid of their “inner guard” - the internal image of parents and other significant adults from their childhood. Every male prodigy, in his memories of his youth, finds a person who made him feel helpless and unsure of himself.

The other four behaviors are additional because they are quite rare.

Old bachelors. Since so few men over forty have never been married, it is difficult to draw firm conclusions from such a small group.

Educators. They see the meaning of life in caring for the community (priests, missionary doctors), or devote themselves to caring for the family, although this is usually done by wives.

Hidden children. They avoid the process of growing up and remain attached to their mothers even as adults.

Integrators. They try to balance their ambitions with sincere commitments to the family, including sharing responsibilities in caring for children and consciously working to combine financial independence with morality and usefulness to society. Similar internal struggle natural for people in their thirties. It is probably impossible to achieve integration in life before the age of thirty-five. You can choose this model of behavior only if you really want it. The future integrator is often unable to cope with opposing forces. At the moment when an ordinary man begins to look for new opportunities to expand his inner world, the integrator still needs to free himself from old baggage. WITH early childhood he was used to solving problems based on a mathematical model. He is adapted to life in an environment where facts are preferred to feelings, and competence is valued above human relationships, and adapts well to a modern post-industrial society in which one must follow the rules, obey the system and stand on one's feet, one must be indifferent and rationalistic.

Psychology of men at 30 years old

Many women believe that men never change. However, according to the laws of psychology, a man at 33 years old and a man, for example, at 40 years old are two very different people. Let's consider what distinguishes the psychology of men at 30 from other ages.

It is believed that until the age of 30, a man can engage in self-discovery, entertainment and various activities, which are not always aimed at achieving one goal. The psychology of a 30-year-old man is based on stability, the desire to find constancy in all areas of life: in love, in career, in hobbies.

The psychology of a man at 30 forces him to desperately look for a permanent life partner if he is not yet married, but the acquired bachelor habits will interfere with arranging his personal life in accordance with new demands.

A man in his 30s and a woman

At this age, men begin to look at women differently - if previously they were assessed primarily by appearance, sexuality and showiness, now a man is inclined to value her as an individual with his own achievements and successes. It is at the age of 30 that a man’s psychology allows him to appreciate all the beauty of stable and happy relationship. Such men become excellent fathers and good husbands. However, if the other “half” has completely neglected themselves, some may dare and have mistresses. However, they almost never leave their families, and when the spouse takes over again, they often break all ties on the side.

At 32 years old, a man is already old, what do you think?

A 32-year-old man, after a divorce, has been raising a child for 5 years and has his own modest home.

What are you talking about? Which wonderful age. Remember the movie Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears, where one of the characters said at 40 years old, life is just beginning. And you still have a long way to go.

And what does it mean to achieve everything? To achieve “everything” and continue to lie on the sofa?

Be specific about what you wanted to ask. This way you will be given more accurate and, most importantly, useful answers - 5 years ago

Honestly, for example, I define youth by appearance; if a person looks youthful, it means that his age does not matter.

After 25 years, the skin begins to fade and it seems that if you have passed 30, then everything is an old woman or an old man.

In general, in our world, a woman at 32 is considered no longer young, and a man is considered ordinary, especially since I think that since he is already a little over 30, it means he has matured. Women are mercantile creatures, they only consider everything for themselves, they don’t care about a man. And if you have money, then you are 60 years old, although this is not true.

Men perceive a woman as an addition to themselves (I came up with the expression, but this is the conclusion I came to after reading), and not as a separate person.

Why is the crisis of 30 years dangerous for a man and what are its prerequisites?

The age of 30 is considered a kind of milestone when a man enters the period of maturity. In childhood, every person can clearly define who they want to be. But years pass, few withstand the pressure of circumstances. People cease to understand where they want to move next. This time interval can be considered a period of maximum vulnerability.

There is a reassessment of values. Or rather, a man refuses some of them and replaces them with others. For the first time, he begins to ask himself questions: why he lives and what he was able to achieve. In particularly difficult cases, these thoughts can deprive him of sleep.

Psychology of self-criticism

Men are providers by nature. They have to put up with increased demands from society. That is why young people by the age of thirty-five begin to wonder whether any peaks have been conquered, and what they can boast about to others and to themselves. For only a few people, this kind of thinking leads to positive emotions.

Usually, by the age of thirty, a man has time to take important steps - get an education, find a job, get married and have children. If any of these points have not been fulfilled, a representative of the stronger half of humanity begins to reproach himself for missed opportunities and wasted years. Some are able to analyze the issues that arise in detail, while others are afraid and even panic. Such people do not strive to accept the situation, but want to escape from it or be distracted.

First danger

The problem of transition to the crisis age of 30 remains relevant if a man leaves it unresolved. He is fond of computer games, refuses to communicate with loved ones and withdraws into himself. There is physical weakness, conflicts with his wife, serious quarrels with friends and at work.

The consequence is a possible change in lifestyle, when a man leaves his family, quits his job and looks for himself in other directions.

Important! Behavior that is atypical for a man is explained by his desire to set priorities. He intends to understand himself.

The second important point: when assessing his own achievements, a man, even 30 or 33 years old, involuntarily compares himself with his peers. He looks at what results his classmates, work colleagues and just strangers have achieved. By what criteria does he evaluate his success? Looking at those around him, a man thinks about how he looks compared to them, what they have achieved and what he himself has achieved.

Modern society regards a person as successful if he has achieved great results in the social or professional sphere.

That is why generally accepted symbols are used, including:

• availability of a separate apartment;
• Personal car;
• successful career;
• high paying job.

It turns out that these are mainly professional and financial aspects of the issue. The ability to feel happy in your personal life is not taken into account. And all because society does not welcome it.

Duration of the crisis

The crisis of 30 years in men does not have clear boundaries, since they are individual. Someone can spend years in a depressed state, while others come out of it in just a couple of months.

Factors that are important here are:

• support from the immediate environment, in particular family;
• financial stability;
• human character traits and temperament;
• professional status;
• the role a person occupies in society.

The depth of the crisis and its duration also depend on the complexes that may have persisted in a person’s consciousness since adolescence.

Possible manifestations

Based on all of the above, let's try to identify the main symptoms of a male crisis:

• feeling of self-pity. It can manifest itself in different ways. Depending on his character, a man can take out his emotions on the people closest to him, expressing regular dissatisfaction and complaints, and also experience them within himself;
• depressed state. A man who has always been outwardly successful suddenly changes his mood at the age of 35. He experiences bouts of depression;
• feeling of emptiness. The crisis of thirty years of age is accompanied by a feeling of emptiness, hopelessness, and loss. It is especially dangerous to leave a person alone during such periods;
• a feeling of being trapped, when a person feels trapped, at a dead end. He thinks that no one is able to help him;
• dissatisfaction with life, when a person is sure that fate has treated him unfairly.

Illogicality and lack of consistency in actions and behavior in general should also be highlighted among the characteristic symptoms. Sometimes there are moments in life to which a representative of the stronger sex reacts unconventionally. Those around him get the impression that he has mental problems. But again, we have to blame the midlife crisis and various kinds hormonal changes.

If the described condition goes far, the following signs appear:

• loss of interest in a previous hobby. The person is in a state of apathy and does not want to do anything;
• the environment changes. People whose opinions were authoritative lose their importance;
• giving up money, a successful career and fame;
• unpredictable, eccentric behavior;
• mood swings. Sentimentality combines with irritability. For example, a man can watch a heartbreaking film and shed a tear, but not a minute passes before he clings to some trifle and swears at his loved ones;
• hypochondria. This applies to the genital area as much as possible. A man thinks that he has lost his virility. To prove the opposite, he goes to extremes;
• critical attitude towards one's own appearance. A man finds fault with his appearance, tries to find wrinkles and gray hair. He expresses irritation at the appearance of his belly;
• constant worries about the future. A midlife crisis pushes a man to talk more and more often about death and take stock of his existence.

What to do?

It is necessary to convince a man that what is happening in his life is nothing more than summing up, a transition to a qualitative new stage. This is a great opportunity to get rid of what you don't need. At the same time, he can accept the good that has necessarily come into his reality over the past years.

• don’t despair and try to overcome yourself. If a man wants to change his environment, his job, or make renovations at home, then let him follow his desires. You can also get rid of bad habits, go on vacation with your family more often and take up some kind of sport;
• Each of us has our own old dreams. If a man dreamed of something in his youth, for example, learning a new profession or jumping with a parachute, you can think about turning your plans into reality;
• During a period of mental weakness, a person is usually focused on himself and his experiences. However, at such moments the interests of loved ones may suffer, so you should try to pay attention to them too. A man must remember that he still remains the head of the family, on whom the people closest to him rely. He is still responsible for their fate and further existence;
• It is very important to learn to enjoy any little things that bring joy to one degree or another.

Impact on the sexual sphere

The problem has some physiological basis. This is the male menopause. The lack of awareness of some representatives of the stronger sex leads to the fact that most of them are not aware of the existence of such a phenomenon. And it’s somehow not customary in our country to discuss such things. Even experts, for the most part, prefer to remain silent about this.

Hormonal changes in the body occur. The production of sex hormones decreases. This process is commonly called andropause. It is accompanied by a decrease in libido. Interest in opposite sex decreases, and this is normal. The peak of sexual activity is typical for young guys.

Someone perceives this phenomenon calmly, while others, frankly, are going crazy. Instead of switching to something else, such men look for reasons in others. If a person is married, then his wife may become the object of his attacks. If by that time she begins to grow old and gain weight, it seems to her husband that this is the reason for her lack of desire.

As a result, the spouse begins to look for adventures on the side. He who is conscious does not leave his family. But there are also many who begin to behave in accordance with the proverb: “gray hair in a beard means a devil in a rib.” Unreasonable behavior under these circumstances can lead to health problems.

Wife's behavior

The woman you love will have to be patient and help a loved one. During an unfavorable period for the family, it is extremely important for spouses to talk. A husband needs to feel important and significant for his family. The love and care of loved ones will help him quickly get out of endless worries. It is necessary to make him understand that his family and friends need him in any case, regardless of his success.

Finally

Men rarely turn to psychologists, so more often than not, attempts to persuade their spouse to go to a specialist do not yield any results. But adding variety to family life has a good effect when joint trips to theaters, a swimming pool are organized, and there is a hobby extreme species sports, etc. It is also recommended to try something new in sex with your partner, it always brings you closer and gives new breath to the relationship.

All these measures are aimed at showing that life does not end at 30!

Crisis of 30 years for men! Sooner or later all men go through this.

I found an interesting article about the crisis of 30 years in men.

Crises, crises, crises... Our whole life is continuous crises. Before you have time to get out of one, the next one is already in wait. Or is it simply so beneficial to think for those who do not want to make efforts to overcome problematic problems? life situations and psychological discomfort?

Yes, there are comrades who explain all their life failures and inaction with another life crisis: they say, well, what can I do, I feel so bad, I have a crisis, I need sympathy... And their loved ones, who unwittingly play along with them, constantly feeling sorry for them and trying to get them out of this state. Nevertheless, even if some abuse the state of crisis for their, let’s say, selfish purposes, it is generally pointless to deny their existence.

The crisis of 30 years becomes a landmark for many families. And men often experience it much harder than women. Firstly, because men are by nature more ambitious than women, they are entrusted with higher social expectations, which are difficult to comply with. Secondly, because at this age women “have no time”: a small child and household chores do not allow them to immerse themselves for a long time. And it is children and caring for loved ones that become their meaning of life at this stage. And it is precisely the loss of the meaning of life that is an obligatory companion of every crisis period. For men, the emphasis is shifted towards professional self-realization and achieving a certain level of well-being.

The causes of this crisis are obviously directly related to the preceding crisis of youth (21-23 years old), when a young person forms for himself not always realistic life goals. After all, he simply needs to prove to himself and those around him that he is a mature personality and an independent adult, capable of achieving a lot in life.

By the age of 30, on average (for some at 24, for others at 32), with experience comes the realization that many rosy plans are not destined to come true. There is a rethinking of life goals, values ​​and principles. Otherwise, priorities are set. A mature man understands that he will not be able to get everything he planned from life. But a certain level of well-being has already been achieved, family life has already turned into a routine. It seems that there will be no more development and the meaning of life has been lost.

People who suddenly feel that life is finite, and now they are at the peak of it, often get carried away: stupid adultery begins, out of a desire to grab more impressions, to prove to themselves that they are still in their prime and are still attractive to women. Many are addicted to alcohol and smoking. The family depreciates, parents stop caring for their children, and often it is at this time that diseases appear that will later become chronic.

There is such a thing as male menopause. It is at the age of 30 that hormonal changes begin, preparing a man for these changes. If in a woman menopause primarily affects reproductive function, then in a man it affects the central nervous system. Hence the strange behavior, childish habits, and teenage antics. A person either falls into hopeless depression, or feverishly tries to fill his life with something vain, sometimes adding new problems to himself.

Few people are able to immediately understand what exactly is happening to them. Any crisis is pain. The first reaction to pain is an attempt to avoid it, to get away from it. Internal problems a person blames it on others, first of all, on his loved ones. Escape is the leitmotif of this crisis. A person leaves his job, runs away from his family (seven to eight years of married life is the global peak for divorces); changes profession, changes apartment, moves somewhere far away. He is running from the crisis, that is, from himself.

However, such an escape only delays the need to solve the problem. You can’t ignore your problem, much less try to drown it out with alcohol, computer games or other methods of escaping reality.

To help yourself successfully overcome this crisis period, you need to find a new goal - for example, gain new knowledge, visit a new country. Abrupt change activities and lifestyle will also help keep yourself in good shape. Finally, you should remember that you can’t think only about yourself; there are close people who need to be taken care of.

In turn, loved ones should make efforts so that the internal crisis of their life partner does not become a crisis family relations. We must try to convince the man that you are the only one who can not only support Hard time, but also a pleasant surprise. Diversify your life together - an exciting weekend program, experiments in the kitchen and in your sex life, romantic evenings and travel. There must be novelty. Emotional changes are needed.

If a man nevertheless leaves the family during this difficult period for himself, we must try to show patience and wisdom. Most often, his actions are little conscious, but there will be an opportunity to see what the spouse really is and what he will do. Psychologists advise showing initiative, perseverance and not being stingy in showing feelings towards him, and then he will be able to “settle down” in time. The choice should be made at an age when the crisis has been overcome, new horizons have been outlined and the prospects for living together are visible.

As a result of going through an age crisis, a person can acquire both positive and negative qualities. Having survived the crisis, he acquires new opportunities, but at the moment of crisis he has a hard time: psychological breakdowns, exacerbation of old or attacks of new diseases, and even death are possible here. However, each segment of life, separated from the rest by crisis points, has its own goals and content. Crisis 30 forces a person to adjust his life plans taking into account acquired experience and changing priorities. A constructive resolution of this crisis leads to improved self-organization and better time planning, and This means improving the quality of life.

My husband now has something similar to this... he is 29. He is also rethinking his life, moving from apartment to apartment, looking for a new job, began to look at many things differently, I still couldn’t understand what was happening to him... well and the most unpleasant thing is that I recently found out that he was looking at photos of some naked sluts on the Internet and liking these photos and pictures with tits and butts in this group... In short, we are now going through this crisis of his... I hope that this crisis will pass soon ... did your husbands have something similar, as written in the article? what age?

A single man at 32 years old...is this normal?

Today we have been married for 14 years, our daughter is 7 years old! And 32 years is not an age at all, especially for major cities, where people are busy with work and a career, but when they have more or less achieved something, then they can think about family!

You shouldn't get married like that! Because they are not used to supporting anyone and taking care of anyone, what kind of husbands are they? It’s like hanging a child around your neck, and even a capricious child whom you couldn’t even raise!

32 years. Everything about the age of 32 years. Psychology, physiology at 32 years old.

Psychology of age

The crisis of 30 years has been overcome. The time has come to take stock and consider new perspectives. The desires for social recognition and a quiet family life come into harmony. 32 years is the age of self-acceptance. There is an acceptance of one's shortcomings, and therefore a realistic outlook on one's life and society develops.

Sometimes, after summing up life's results, a slight melancholy comes, caused by an understanding of one's age, comprehension of past opportunities, future prospects and social expectations. Sometimes, instead of melancholy, depression may arise after realizing what opportunities there were in youth, how many chances were missed, and how life could have changed.

Physiology of age

A person is considered fully formed and mature. Organs decrease functionality unevenly. From the age of 32, men experience a gradual decrease in hearing; they perceive high-pitched sounds worse. The perception of green color decreases.

Women may notice a network of capillaries on their face or legs. Thus, age-related vascular changes occur. Women are exposed to them earlier than men.

Age statistics

The population of the Russian Federation in this age period (30-34 years) is thousands of people. Of these, 5,175 thousand are men, 5,267 thousand are women.

Of the population of this age group, only 12.8% are employed in the Russian economy

You were born in 1985 or 1986

1985 - May 16. The beginning of the anti-alcohol campaign in the USSR by decree of the Prisidium Supreme Council“on strengthening the fight against drunkenness.”

1986 - February 20. The first manned research orbital station, Mir-1, launched by the USSR, began operating. She operated until March 23, 2001, when she was disabled and sunk in the Pacific Ocean.

1987 - May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old West German citizen, landed on Red Square in Moscow.

1989 - January 11. The Declaration prohibiting the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries.

1990 - August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution imposing a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began.

1991 - January 25. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an environmental disaster.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries it began economic reform, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls.

1994 - January 31. The first images from space telescope Hubble, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development.

1995 - March 20. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested.

1996 - July 4th. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep.

1998 - August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of economic crisis. The country's government resigned.

1999 - January 1. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro.

2000 - March 26. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life.

2002 - January 1. IN European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy.

2004 - Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power.

2006 - March 29. On the territory of Russia it was possible to observe the first in the XXI full eclipse sun.

2007 - Genetics discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

2009 - August 17. There was a disaster on Sayano-Shushenskaya HPP. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - March 18. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused.

2011 - March 11. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake there was destructive tsunami, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the PussyRiot group took place, three members of which were detained by the police.

2013 - February 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest heavenly body, which collided with the Earth's surface after Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured.

2015 - January 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

A man's 30th birthday crisis. Forewarned is forearmed!)

Recently, a 29-year-old client approached me with a request to change jobs. By his age, he already had an excellent knowledge of English, professional achievements, was on in good standing from the authorities. But recently he began to be haunted by the feeling that he was moving somewhere in the wrong direction. An acute feeling of unfulfillment, irritability, and depressed mood led to a desire to change careers. However, this readiness was accompanied by complete ignorance of what exactly he wanted, with fears of making the wrong decision. After independent attempts to find myself, passing a bunch of career guidance tests and talking with different people about new employment, clarity did not come. That's how he ended up in my office.

Research results indicate that in the period from 25 to 30 years, every second man experiences one of the first age crises. The story I shared is a classic example of what a man faces during this period. This incident prompted me to write this article.

30 years is a kind of milestone, a transition from youth to maturity. As children, we all knew exactly who we were, where we were going, who we wanted to become, and what we needed to be happy. Over the years, under the pressure of circumstances, many people become lost and cease to understand who they are and why they need what is happening to them in life. This is the time when a person becomes especially vulnerable.

At this age, a man experiences a reassessment of values, or, more precisely, a complete collapse of some with subsequent replacement by others. Clouds of thoughts crowd in my head: why am I living? what is all this for? What have I achieved? Have I realized my full potential or not? These questions, worthy of an ancient tragedy, disturb, haunt, and deprive you of sleep.

Frederick Beigbeder said well about this period: “At twenty years old I thought I knew everything about life. At thirty it turned out that I knew nothing. I spent ten years learning what I would then have to throw out of my head.”

A man is by nature a breadwinner and society places very high demands on him. Therefore, at the age of 30, a guy begins, voluntarily or involuntarily, to think about what trophies he has, what peaks he has conquered, what victories he has won, what he has actually achieved, how he can report to society and himself? And these reflections are not always pleasant.

It is then that the first thoughts about missed opportunities, unsuccessful choices and wrong decisions may appear. Often, by the age of 30, the most important steps have already been taken, and it is not always possible to change something: get a different education, change jobs, marry someone else. This can cause fear and panic: what if what I did before was fundamentally wrong, and I'm moving in the wrong direction, wasting time? These feelings are quite difficult to experience, so you would rather run away from them, distract yourself, than accept and analyze them.

Therein lies the first snag. If a person lives through his crisis passively, playing computer games, being distracted in some other way, but not solving the main problem, the task of the transitional age of 30 remains unsolved. Desired and necessary changes doesn't happen. In fact, this period is worth paying attention to, because the consequences can sometimes be very sad.

In general, a man aged 30 may have symptoms of crisis Bad mood for no apparent reason, self-isolation, refusal to communicate, general physical weakness, problems with his wife, if he has one, quarrels and serious conflicts.

The consequence of the crisis may be a change in lifestyle. For example, leaving the woman you love, quitting one job and moving to another, a radical change of activity, moving.

Essentially, what drives a man to this moment nothing more than a desire to understand oneself, redefine one’s life priorities, and find answers to the question: “How to live further?”

Second important feature: a man on the threshold of his thirties begins to compare himself with his male peers, with classmates and peers. Fortunately, social networks provide all the opportunities for this. Comparison criteria: how does he look compared to them? What have they achieved and what have I achieved?

In our society, success is usually associated with professional or social activity. Therefore, a man begins to evaluate himself harshly, using generally accepted symbols: a car, his own apartment, a prestigious career, a good salary. That is, these are mainly criteria of a financial and professional nature. At such a moment, the facts that you can be successful in your own life are rarely taken into account. privacy. For example, being a good father or doing what you love, although not highly paid. This is not so glorified by society.

On the other hand, professional success, unfortunately, also does not provide guaranteed protection from a crisis, since a person’s plans can be very, very grandiose.

It is also important to note that in the crisis of thirty years a man seeks reinforcement of his successful social status not so much from women as from mature men whom he respects; the father figure is especially important here. It is this kind of support that is necessary in order to feel yourself also successful and also mature.

The next important point is that at the age of 30 a man experiences the so-called first blow to his male identity, when he feels that in some way, somewhere he does not meet the expectations of society and his parents. And the desire to conform to traditional stereotypes during this period is great.

At the same moment, his success in his personal life is also assessed: is he married or still single? Relatives can also “add fuel to the fire”: “You are already 28, and you still haven’t gotten married.” Doubts about one’s masculine viability begin to creep into one’s soul, and the thought appears that perhaps one urgently needs to get married.

Another important point. Like women at this age, men also have increased anxiety about their physical shape. It is by the age of 30 that someone already has a beer belly or the first health problems. One’s appearance is compared with peers or classmates: to what extent is it physical form meets the ideals of masculinity, strength and attractiveness? You may suddenly feel the urge to exercise and join a gym.

Sometimes a man never finds a way out of the crisis of his thirties. The feeling “something in life is not going at all the way you dreamed and wanted” remains inside. In this case, some men begin to outwardly imitate the behavior of the so-called “alpha males.”

That is, in essence, a substitution occurs: instead of supporting their image of a man with real content, they begin to portray a man through the so-called negative identity. They begin to assert themselves, save their self-esteem by acting despotic towards women. After all, a woman is the second source of confirmation of male identity after recognition from other men.

And the third problem that a young man may feel during this period is powerlessness due to the fact that the world refuses to play by your rules. By the age of 30, you come to the realization that this is not so, that you often have to make compromises, even retreat on some issues. For example, for the sake of professional success or the well-being of your family.

All these circumstances lead a man to a difficult choice: what is really worth devoting his life to? The understanding comes that he will not be able to pay due attention to all his interests, there is not enough time and energy for everything, so he needs to choose what he will really do and how he wants to live.

What to do during such a period? IN Time of Troubles In the crisis of 30 years, it is best for a man to temporarily change his type of activity, try himself in something that he has long dreamed of. But it’s better to do this not in radical ways like quitting your job, but by doing something in your free time. Even if the work is completely unbearable, it is still better to give yourself a month. And during this time, clearly decide everything, try to somehow change working conditions, weigh the pros and cons.

It also helps a lot to get through this period. leisure in some unfamiliar places, where you can gain new impressions, change your usual background, and also weigh your values, analyze your victories and achievements, and reflect on your mistakes.

In general, no matter how abstract it may sound, you should try to change something in yourself, start dreaming about something, set a goal for yourself, find value in simple, familiar things. And if, after all the attempts, you can’t cope on your own, then it’s better, of course, to turn to a specialist.

And here I would like to return to the very beginning of the article. Men of 30 years old come for consultations mainly with a request for some changes in their career. This is actually a very important question, because if a woman can somehow assert herself, self-realize in the role of wife and mother, then for a man it is very important social environment, that is, implementation specifically in the profession. Therefore, decisions to change careers are often made during this period. Usually it sounds something like this: “It became clear to me that I needed to choose one thing. It’s important for me to set priorities and understand where to move next. On the other hand, I'm afraid to commit again incorrect choice, waste time."

Where is the optimal way out of the troubled times of the thirty-something crisis? Based on client experience, I can say that it lies at the intersection of two planes.

1) At 30, it’s really worth reconsidering your values, goals, priorities and life aspirations. The time has come to understand: what of what was imposed by society, parents, and significant others is really worth continuing. A serious reassessment of values ​​must occur, as a result of which a person either leaves everything as it is, but voluntarily, or finds new ideals.

2) It is important to be very clear about your occupation and the lifestyle you plan to lead next.

It’s very cool to work during such a period and create a vision for your future life, to pave some clear path to your future goals. This is the period when it is useful to think strategically. A good, detailed, values-based vision motivates in itself, helps to understand the prospects for one’s development, sets direction, and allows one to cope with uncertainty and anxiety. It’s also great to create a personal development plan for 3-5 years, taking into account your strengths and experience.

I would like to note one more point. When comparing yourself to others, it is important to remember where you started. After all, everyone’s starting positions are different. One and the same result can be achieved as if by play, but for another it will become a real victory and the mobilization of all available resources.

This is why, in my opinion, self-support is so important during this period. Others do not know what doubts, obstacles, fears, and unfavorable circumstances you had to go through to find yourself in today and become who you are at the moment.

For self-support during this period, awareness techniques are very useful, allowing you to better feel yourself, your body, and what is happening in life. They perfectly balance the nervous system. It is also useful to work with anger, techniques for managing anger, which can often appear in response to feelings of powerlessness.

To summarize, I would like to say the following. 30 years is an era of change. This is the first serious revision of my life, an attempt to evaluate what I have achieved over the past years. This is the time when, after reassessing values, new, inspiring guidelines are chosen. Therefore, it is more important than ever that during this period someone is nearby, stands on your side, shares new hobbies, and helps you change!

After all, the fun is just beginning!)

In the words of Tony Parsons, author of Man and Boy: “This is what a thirty-year-old should be: mature but not disillusioned, settled but not complacent, worldly wise but not so wise as to throw himself in front of a train. This must be the best time of my life!"

As always, I will be glad to see your comments!)

I invite you to the project “So that your eyes burn!”

Why seasoned men keep telling the same jokes and making stupid jokes? But because the stronger sex truly matures at 43 years old - 11 years later than women. About this and why we are in no hurry to grow up and whether this is a bad thing at all - infantilism in our understanding - are discussed below.

British sociologists conducted a survey commissioned by the children's channel Nickelodeon UK to find out at what age a person matures not biologically, but internally. After all, everyone is well aware of the “big kids” - guys of about 40 years old who happily continue to fool around in their free time from work, refuse to take on any responsibility and are not able to take care of anyone. At the same time, there are those who, already at the age of 15, begin to earn their daily bread and become the breadwinners of the family.

The survey showed that there is a huge age difference in the maturation of men and women. Representatives of both sexes interviewed admitted that male infantility often persists until the age of 40 and even beyond. And the average age of true adulthood for a man is 43 years.

In contrast, women were found to mature at 32 years of age. It is at this age that many already have children, so ladies have to take care not only of over-aged boys (their husbands), but also of real babies.

It's no wonder that 80% of women surveyed believe that men never stop behaving childishly. In the female understanding, this includes the production of indecent sounds, a passion for video games, and attempts to enjoy fast food at night.

In addition, the inability to cook even the simplest dishes and retelling the same jokes are considered signs of male infantilism.

* * *
Why are men becoming more and more infantile? Although I personally would not categorically declare this, I proceed from the opinions of many girls and women I know. Examples: there is an acute shortage of “real men” in society (65% of respondents); the manners and behavior of modern men have become less “masculine” (63% of respondents); The role of men in the family has decreased: they increasingly earn less money than wives and do not make important family decisions (54% of respondents).

Who is he - a real man? Faina Ranevskaya joked: “A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman’s birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman’s birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.” And here is a modern joke: “Every woman, in addition to the child she gave birth to, also has a child that her mother-in-law gave birth to.”

In fact, the concept of a “real man” is very vague. Male strength and the original image of masculinity, which has delighted women for centuries, forced them to submit and respect, dissolves and fades in the modern man. Insecurity, weakness, and repulsive posturing often come to the fore. For a woman with a traditional worldview, this inevitably causes a feeling of contempt, neglect and, as a result, disappointment.

The logical question is: do we, men, agree with this? Maybe this is a purely female point of view?

Women call a man childish for only one reason: he doesn’t want to provide for her and doesn’t want to work for her. This is a criterion for them. I don't believe that women like courageous people with character, with experience, with knowledge. They couldn't care less about this. Women are especially irritated by a man’s passion for something.

Of course, there are exceptions. Those who value inner qualities in a man. But among my acquaintances (and there are hundreds of them at work) there are only a few of them. And the worst thing is: the women themselves, those around them, do not respect such acquaintances who are trying to understand the male soul, considering them simply “man-loving”, “sacrifices”... And why? Because today many egoists have divorced. It is among the female half of society. Selfish by nature, by life. And this, in my opinion, is much worse than infantilism.

I have personally met many women who stupidly indulge in instincts and indulge in vodka and beer no worse than men. What, they want to show us how “courageous” they are? “Why shouldn’t I drink when there are only crocodiles around,” one said bluntly. And the “infantile” men are sleeping off at this time, they have to work tomorrow to prove to their women that they are men and are worth something.

I believe that Russian men have always remained men, with their characteristic courage, determination, a certain amount of aggressiveness, and the ability to take responsibility and make decisions. A male breadwinner, a male protector - after all, this is precisely the approach that comes from historical experience - humanity has survived thanks to this functional distribution.

* * *
Here is a different look at the infantilism of our men.

The people in Russia are not foolish people, not weaklings and far from losers. Russians are just children. We are the most infantile nation on the planet.

In fact, in Russia we could build a much cooler paradise on our land than in the UAE, if at least some part of the people managed to grow up. The problem with Russians is not stupidity or weak character. If necessary, the Russians will invent a rocket and win the war against anyone. But the Russian people are simply incredibly cowardly. Incredible. In the West, if you infringe on someone’s rights, they will immediately sue. There you can sue a restaurant for thousands of dollars if they served you too hard bread. What do we have?

How does a Russian person think? Tough - well, let it be tough. It's good to have broth without a cockroach. With a cockroach? Never mind, I'll carefully pull it out. It’s good that they brought it at all and didn’t put an extra zero on the bill and didn’t add something that I didn’t order. They attributed it - don’t care, it’s better to pay, less problems. What kind of court is there? Fuck it! Alive - and okay.

And so on. The saleswoman in the store is rude, she didn’t give me enough change, she weighed it down, some boor jumps in line - but it’s good that he didn’t punch his face. I came home and “how scary it is to live, what assholes everyone is around.” And we don’t do anything with these goats. It's scary. And someone else’s misfortune is not a misfortune at all, they blew up the metro - what a blessing that I wasn’t there! It's better if they steal - at least it's not a civil war.

That’s why they steal, because Russians don’t know how to even stand up for themselves a little bit. If you steal something from a Russian, he will pretend “I’ve been wanting to give you this for a long time.” So that there is no conflict. To get away with little things. And if they attack a neighbor, it means you need to lock the door tighter (“I’m not with him, I don’t know anything”). And console yourself with the thought that God will punish them all. Typical behavior child. The land of eternal children.

It's the same at work. Business is responsibility. Here you won’t be able to whine that the boss is a bitch withholding my salary and insulting me, someone tell him. And for Russian people, bearing even minimal responsibility is the worst thing. Because children. It’s better to stick a sticker on your shit truck that says “like the authorities, like the roads.” It’s not right to say this to someone’s face, especially since everyone does it.

But working in the worst conditions and for pennies - yes. Russian laziness, you say? There is no laziness. There is Russian infantilism. No initiatives from below. All the lower classes and the middle class are completely rotten assholes with one thought: “who would feed them.” They work: “fuck off, give me money.” There are no other goals at all. Exactly goals. Dreams are a sea. But I still can’t catch the golden fish to make my wishes come true. The fish is to blame. But people, such freaks, don’t want to make wishes come true. Or they ask for too much money.

If a person sees a problem in the West, he begins to look for a solution. With us, if a person sees a problem, he looks for ways to get around it, who to blame it on, how to survive it with minimal losses, who to blame for it. Anything but look for a solution. Like a little boy: “Mom, I’m hungry.”

The Russian has no doubt that if he leaves the country, then in the West all his problems will be solved instantly. He was not there, he doesn’t know why this will happen, but he is one hundred percent convinced. Well, when it turned out that you have to work harder there than here, to pay for everything, how much one medical insurance costs, you ask to go back.

And just like in the song, “they seem to be not slackers and could live.” And science is one of the strongest in the world, and in sports they are in the top ten in almost all forms. But Russians have no desire to change their lives for the better.

* * *
And do you know how young people think today? No, they cannot be called infantile in literally this word. Why, they are pragmatists! They clearly understand where it is good and where it is bad. And from an early age.

“Yes, of course, it’s not bad to live somewhere in Norway, but these are dreams! And I don’t have any relatives there. And I don’t see a grandmother with a million-dollar will either.

And alone, without the support of my ancestors, I will hardly survive there. Because no one is waiting for me there with open arms. I know from myself: as a foreigner, you are treated well and friendly as long as you are a guest. While you are a tourist. I came for a while to admire their beauties and leave my hard-earned money for their services... But, just don’t stay for more than a month. Otherwise, you can easily move into the category of “strangers”. “We have enough of our own beggars... they’ve come in large numbers here...” Sound familiar?

God did not reward me with talent and abilities for IT technologies. Then I definitely wouldn’t have stayed here - my hands would have been torn off in various silicon and silicon valleys!

I have no idea where the money comes from or how to make it! All my life I have done nothing but dream and fantasize, even now, on the eve of a more or less independent life, I continue to dream... Well, I’ll train to be someone else, the same manager. I have no idea what I will do next! And I don’t want to think about it, which terrifies most adults. Because deep down in my heart I still hope to die before I have to seriously worry about the future..."

* * *
And so I, as an adult and knowledgeable person, approach this 16-year-old dreamer: “Yes, these are just fairy tales, come on!” No I do not speak. The tongue does not turn. He will be completely disappointed in life, without having time to really start it... Because I myself don’t believe that real life can be joyful and pleasant. Everything I see around me is not at all healthy and not right.

But he is not discouraged! And he quickly adapts and fits into his surroundings. Sitting on your parents' necks is unacceptable, that's exactly what I put into it. Now I would like to finally convince you that I will have to get out of my beautiful world and go to the usual one, regardless of your desire. Wouldn't this be a shock?