How to deal with this? There are several ways to cope with failure and, most importantly, learn something.

• Step away for a while. It's normal to feel discouraged. Completely ignoring what happened won't do any good, so take some time and allow yourself to fail as much as you want. Take time to really feel the anger, sadness, and disappointment so you can let it go. If something minor happens, all you may need to do is take a walk or cry into your pillow. For something more, give yourself 24 hours to let go and start the next day like clean slate. If you need more time than one day, that's fine, but make sure you set that amount of time and stick to it.
• Talk about what happened. Tell someone you know how you feel. It is well known that simply talking about something will make you feel better. Let go of the burden and talk it out. Chances are, whoever you're talking to will try to make you feel better, but even if they don't, you'll be releasing that information outside of your brain.
• Don't let failure become part of your personality. Failure is something that happened to you, not something that you are. Forbes magazine's Susan Tardanico explains that simply because you haven't found successful way doing something doesn't mean you're a failure. Be careful not to blur the line between the mistake and who made the mistake. We are characterized by our actions, but not by our mistakes. At the end of the day, you are defined by the actions you took to overcome failure and achieve success.

Failure can leave an open wound and it is unwise to ignore it. Without admitting a mistake, the wound will hurt and it will take longer to heal, but complications are also possible.

Don't even think for a second that you are... only person on earth, failing. We often look at the success of others and think they have it all, when the reality is that they face failure just as often as anyone else. Some of them are just better at hiding it, but failure is universal. Before you start beating yourself up for failing, take a look at the world and you will see how often everyone fails.

On what successful people would you like to be like? Take a look at the failures they have faced at work and in life. Read biographies, diaries, listen to speeches. Successful people talk about failure as often as they do success because they understand the importance of accepting it. Even greatest people in our time they fell, and fell very low.

Your friends and family have also had failures. Think about the setbacks they have faced and remember that you are not alone. This is not a reason to laugh, but a way to show yourself that failure is nothing to worry about. After all, we are all human.

4. Change your definition of failure.

Did we mention that failure is good? It may be difficult to understand, but changing your definition of failure will help you cope. Failure is learning and cultivating the opportunity necessary for future development.

Robert Spadinger has compiled a list of statements to help you define failure:

1. failure - an integral part of on the path to success and self-realization;
2. every time you step out of your comfort zone and try a hundred new things, failure is inevitable;
3. every failure brings you one step closer to your goal;
4. failure - great teacher, it teaches you the most valuable lessons in life;
5. every failure makes you stronger and better;
6. no errors of great importance as long as you learn from them and don't repeat them;
7. failure teaches you that a particular approach may not be ideal for a particular situation and that there are other, better approaches;
8. successful people will never laugh at you or judge you, because they themselves have been in your shoes and learned many valuable lessons through failure;
9. no matter how often you fail, you are not a failure until you give up;
10. Every time you fail, your fear of failure decreases, allowing you to cope with even greater problems.

Every mistake teaches you something, and after you've gone through the emotions, it's important to look at your mistakes with perspective. new point vision. Think about what you did that went wrong, and see what else you did that went right, and what you can do better next time.

5. Start a new project to keep your mind busy.

After the grieving period, try again or start something new. Fill your head with thoughts of new task so that there is no room left for negativity. You shouldn't completely drown out your mistakes - you won't learn anything - but you don't need to dwell on them either.

Get started new project and concentrate on it. Director Hayao Miyazaki suggests keeping some ideas ready so you can always keep working on them. Nothing occupies your thoughts like hard work. If you need to take a break from work for a while, find a hobby. You have to like it and be good at it to move on. The main thing is to switch your attention and give yourself time to remember that failure is not the end of the world.

The best thing about failure is that you always get a second chance. Angel Chernoff of Marc and Angel Hack Life points out that mistakes are simply a form of practice:

“Every great artist was first an amateur. The sooner you become comfortable with practice and making mistakes, the sooner you will gain the skills and knowledge needed to achieve mastery in your craft. You will never be 100% sure that everything will work out, but you can be 100% sure that if you do nothing, nothing will work out. So try again. Either you will succeed or you will get life lesson. You will win either way."

It's absolutely normal to fail at something over and over again, but the moment you give up, it's a failure.

Remember: failures are inevitable, but they do not define you. They benefit you, as does being prepared for them. Make failure a tool, the first step on your path. It's okay if you feel like a loser when this happens, but losing a battle doesn't mean losing the war.

Here we'll talk About, how to approach work correctly. The following tips will help you worry less about failures at work, learn to defend your rights as an employee, not be afraid of your bosses and find a balance between life and work.

What prompted me to write this article was negative experience There are a lot of people I know who take their work too seriously and get too emotionally involved in the events that happen in their office. And therefore, intrigues and incidents at work make them worry a lot, thinking about work even in their free time.

My past experience work also served as the basis for this article. I once allowed my employer to exploit me, stayed late at work and saw it as a priority over personal life. Now I have stopped making this mistake. And I want to tell you about the rules that help me protect my personal life from work, stop worrying about mistakes, about the attitude of my superiors, and consider work activity as serving one’s own, and not the interests of others.

This post is mainly about . But I think my advice can help workers of any level.

Rule 1 – Work for money, not for an idea

This is an obvious statement, don't you think? But, as often happens, people forget the most banal things. And this is facilitated, among other things, by your employer. It is more profitable for the employer for the employee to work mainly for the idea, and only then for the money. Why?

A person who understands that the meaning of his work is his salary is very difficult to exploit.

He won't linger whole month after work, forgetting about family or personal life when he is not paid for it. He will not miss the opportunity to move to another job with more favorable conditions labor, because he works for money. He will not do a lot of work outside his field of activity unless he receives financial compensation for it.

He will appeal to the law that regulates labor Relations in controversial situations, instead of silently agreeing with the most absurd demands of employers.
Therefore, many corporations strive to find employees with a desire to work “for the idea” and this desire is encouraged in every possible way during the work process.

Despite the fact that modern corporations are products of capitalist societies, they also contain many features of socialist formations. A “cult of the leader” and regulations on corporate values ​​are being created. The purpose of the company and the collective good are elevated to the rank of the highest interest of each employee's work. An ideological atmosphere is created, surrounded by which the employee works not for the benefit of his own prosperity, but for the benefit of the company, team, society!

They are trying to convince people that, despite the fact that they earn money by working in the company, they are here for the sake of something more than just mercantile interests. And in order to maintain such conviction in people, organizations resort to many different means: trainings, speeches by managers, propaganda, awards, awarding regalia and titles (“employee of the year”), exploitation of the brand, imposing patriotism throughout the corporation, etc. and so on.

The absurdity to which the use of these funds reaches depends on the specific company. In large Western corporations (Western - not in geographically, and with regard to the business building model: Japanese and Korean companies can also be attributed to this model, like many domestic organizations) corporate patriotism is cultivated more strongly than in all other companies.

Is this bad? Not always. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with the company looking for dedicated employees, that it is trying to create incentives for them to work, in addition to monetary ones, thereby increasing their interest in the work process.

On the other hand, patriotism, loyalty, and corporate values ​​can serve as justifications for the exploitation of personnel by unscrupulous employers. Many companies don't care about anything other than their profits. They don't care about your personal life or your personal interests; they want you to work as hard and as much as possible. And the more you work and the less you ask, the more profitable your work is for the managers and shareholders of the company, but the less profitable it is for yourself.

Working “for an idea” also gives rise to a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration. For a person who works for money, the worst possible scenario at work would be his dismissal. He may be afraid that he won't get paid, or won't get paid on time, or won't get a bonus. If he made a mistake at work, he will not lament this, because he will not necessarily be fired for this, will he?

A person working for an idea (or to satisfy his own ambitions) may be afraid that his efforts will not be paid attention to by his superiors, that his colleagues will not admire his professionalism. The employee is “for the idea” of treating his mistakes at work as a personal tragedy, as proof of his personal failure.

Workers for the idea come to work sick, stay in the office late, work on weekends, even if they are not paid. For the sake of work, they are ready to neglect their own health, their personal life and their family. Corporations look at this behavior as a virtue, although in my opinion it is only a form of morbid obsession, servility and addiction.

When you work for money, you have less emotional attachment to your work.

This leaves you with fewer strings tied to your job that the employer can pull for their own benefit rather than yours. And the less attached you are to it, the less frustration you feel and the more space you have to think about something other than work. As a result, you begin to take failures more easily, you forget about work when you get home, a reprimand from your boss does not turn into a personal drama for you, and work intrigues pass you by.

So always remind yourself why you go to work. You are here to earn money, provide for your family. The worst thing that can happen here is that you get fired. For some, dismissal is a critical event, for others it is not, since work can always be found. But, in any case, dismissal does not mean that you will be anathematized, made a traitor to the Motherland. This means simply leaving your current job and looking for a new place and new opportunities.

Work is only a means to achieve goals! This is not a goal to which you should sacrifice your family, your health and your happiness.

Working for money means not only refusing to work primarily “for an idea.” This means not working to satisfy your passions and ambitions. If you work in order to command, to put pressure on people, to seem important to yourself, then you will perceive any failure at work as a challenge to your feelings self-esteem and, as a result, you will take failures to heart.

Please do not think that I want to force you to give up your love for what you love, replacing it with cold pragmatism. Love your job, but don’t turn this love into a painful addiction! In everything you need to observe moderation.

And I found a job better than that one, where I worked before. The new place didn't live up to my expectations, and a month later I found an even better place. I still work there (note: I was working there at the time of writing. At this moment I work for myself).

Maximum? Exactly. Who said that you should ask your employer for a salary that corresponds to the average salary in the market? Why not get paid above average?

Firstly, it is difficult to talk about average salary if you don’t know what’s happening in the labor market. ( The only way for an ordinary employee to find out about this means going to interviews, as I wrote)

Secondly, the average salary is like average temperature around the hospital. Why should you even focus on this number?

Go to interviews, don’t be afraid to ask for a higher salary than what you are paid now and watch the reaction potential employer. Different companies pay differently. Somewhere they will laugh at your requests, but somewhere they will make you an offer and pay you as much as you ask. Be prepared for anything, visit many different companies, see how things are there.

Otherwise, you will continue to think that you cannot earn more than 50 thousand in your position while working in Moscow. Usually people don’t talk about their salary to anyone because “that’s the way it is.” But this unspoken rule sometimes works against us. We don’t know how much our colleagues earn, how much our friends earn, since no one tells anyone such information.

As a result, it becomes more difficult for us to adequately assess the size of our salary and therefore we put up with what is offered to us. What if you found out that your office colleague, who works the same hours as you work, earns 80 thousand? Would your 50 thousand still seem like worthy compensation then?

(I have actually come across situations more than once when different employees of the same class were paid differently in the same company! Not because they had different experience, but because one asked for more, the other less during the interview! You are unlikely will offer more than you ask, even if they are ready for it.)

Personally, I try to tell my friends how much I am paid if they ask me, and I try to get similar information from them in order to understand what the current situation is in the market and what my position is in this market. Do I need to change anything? Is there another possibility?

Of course, I don’t talk about my salary to just anyone, but this issue can be discussed with friends or close colleagues.

Rule 8 - Don't be afraid of losing your job

Your organization is most likely not unique. If you live in big city, especially in Moscow, there are many places where you can work even under the best conditions.
Search, learn, explore, develop. And there is no need to be afraid that if you are fired from this company, your life will end. You may find something else. Don't be afraid to lose this place.

There's nothing wrong with that. Moreover, dismissal is not only grief, it is an opportunity. A chance to find something better!

Therefore, do not allow your superiors to blackmail you and intimidate you with dismissal. Moreover, problems in connection with your dismissal will not only be with you, but with the organization in which you work, since the company will have to look for a new employee and train him. So it is unknown who will have more problems.

At my first job, I did a poor job due to the same inattention and anxiety. They started to scare me with dismissal, so they probably wanted to.

I didn't like working for this organization anyway. So I said, “okay, I’ll quit myself.” I was not a genius, I was an ordinary, sluggish, green university graduate. But the company tried to keep even such a person! As soon as I said that I would quit myself, they began to dissuade me from this decision.

It was not profitable for the company to look for another person, despite the fact that I had only worked for a few months and still didn’t know much. Perhaps they thought that I couldn’t cope due to my inexperience and that I needed time to gather my strength and do the job well. They were not mistaken in this, time passed and I eliminated my shortcomings. Now I'm doing a good job with both my main job and my second job (this site).

But I still left this company and got a job for more money and under better conditions.

Conclusion: being fired is not only a loss for you, but also for the company. No one will fire you without the most compelling reasons for this.

If you want to resign at will, but you are afraid that you will let someone down, betray someone, then throw away these stupid doubts! There is no need to perceive the company as a ship in which each employee moves towards common goal together with other employees. Don't think that if you leave this ship, you are betraying the general idea.

In fact, the purpose of a company is solely the purpose of the owners of that company and shareholders. To achieve their goal on their "ship", they hire oarsmen who are paid for their work. If you want to transfer to another ship that pays you more, why not do it? Would you betray your fellow rowers? No, because they will still be paid no matter where the ship ends up (unless it gets caught in a storm). It may become harder for them to row after you leave, but the captain will find a replacement for you. Moreover, each of your colleagues, just like you, has the choice to leave the ship.

Your goal and the goal of your colleagues on this ship is to row and earn money for yourself and for your family.
The captain's goal is some distant island. But, having reached this island, will the captain share its treasures with you? No, he only pays you for rowing!

Therefore, there is no need to identify your goal with the goal of the corporation. You should not identify your colleagues to whom you have become attached with the heads of the organization. There is a captain, and the rowers are hired workers.

This understanding will help you become less attached to your office and, as a result, worry less about work. After all, there are always other possibilities! And at your current place of work, the light is not reduced by a wedge.

Rule 9 – Know the labor law

Did you know that working on weekends pays double? Do you know that if they want to fire you, then you are required to pay several salaries (Unless, of course, you are fired under an article)?

Now you know. Study the law, do not allow unscrupulous employers to exploit your ignorance of the law. The company is required by law to pay overtime. You have the right to be paid in full for your work.

Of course, in domestic organizations the law is often circumvented. For example, this happens in companies with the “gray” part of the salary. In such organizations, an employee has fewer rights: he may be fired without warning, he may not be paid or his salary may be reduced without warning. This does not mean that I do not recommend working in such companies. But still, I consider the absence of a “gray” salary to be an essential criterion for choosing a job. If a company operates “in white”, this is a big plus.

I’m writing about this because many people don’t think about it and consider tax evasion the most natural thing! When I went for interviews, I asked the question: “is your salary white?”
They looked at me in surprise and answered: “white?? Of course not! So what?"

And the fact is that I, as an employee, am at great risk when I work in such an organization. More often than not, everything can work out and if the organization is normal, you will be paid. But you are not insured against anything. If a company has problems, if it faces the need to lay off employees, you can simply be easily let go (or simply have your salary cut in half) with virtually no compensation.

Remember, breaking the law and denying you your legal rights is not the norm!

Knowing the law will help you defend your rights and approach your work more easily. After all, you have rights, which means you have guarantees, which means there are fewer reasons for fear.

Rule 10 – Home separate from work

After work, throw all thoughts about it out of your head. Think about something else. Leave all your worries about an unfulfilled plan, an unsubmitted report at your workplace. Work is not the most important thing in life. For many of us, it's just a way to make money. All the endless work intrigues, conflicts, unfulfilled obligations are all nonsense, trifles.

Many of us do not decide people's destinies at work, but are just links in a huge organism that works in the interests of shareholders and owners of the corporation. Is your role in this system really that important to you?

All activities of a corporation are the employment of some people, dividends for other people, and access to certain benefits of third people. All corporations together form a market, which has the function of distributing goods and services in society.

This is undoubtedly useful and helps to organize public relations. Such a system is not an absolute evil. But is it really worth deifying this car? Deify the role of a cog in it? Relax! Take this role easier! Didn't get the job done? It's OK. Put it out of your mind if the workday is already over. Think about it tomorrow, as the heroine of one famous novel said.

Stop obsessing over your work. There are many things in life that need your attention and participation. Work is not your whole life.

Some people are proud that they devote themselves so selflessly to their work, they are ready to give up everything in order to please their superiors and help the development of the company. They see in this nobility, loyalty and a certain kind of heroism. I don’t see anything in this other than an escape from my problems, dependence (workaholism), selfishness, weakness, servility to authority, narrow-mindedness, lack of interests and hobbies.

Your family needs you more than your boss. Your health is more important than any money. Life is not designed to be a hero at work for 12 hours every day until retirement. If you spend your whole life focusing only on work, then what will you achieve in the end? Money? Confessions?

Why is all this necessary if you have wasted years of your life? This will make you a hero in the eyes of your boss, but is that all you want?

The endless pursuit of money, recognition, fulfillment of a plan, authority and prestige is a pursuit of emptiness! There will be nothing there in the end, despite what you may now think is the highest goal!

Work is only a means. A means to realize your life goals. Work should be subordinated to these goals, and not vice versa. If you view work as a means, you will be much less upset by failure. Your head will become much less clogged with work matters. You will be able to think about something other than work. And understand what you really want, what is the true purpose of your life...

Conclusion – there is no need to demonstrate knowledge of these rules at work.

As I already wrote, I used to be very worried about work and worried a lot about the result. I was ready to stay late, ignoring my wife’s desire to be with me at least in the evening. I did this because I thought that “this is how it should be”, that this is the most important thing, that work is “everything”.

But then my attitude towards life in general and work in particular began to change (I wrote about this in the article). I realized that there are many things in life more important than work and work should be subordinated to my life, and not vice versa.

Some people are so designed that when they suddenly understand something important, come to some new conviction, they surrender to this conviction with all the passion of a new discovery! Only after some time do they manage to find a balance between their discoveries and the demands of the outside world.

Therefore, when I got tired of worrying about failures, when I realized that work was not the main thing, I began to treat it with demonstrative indifference. When my colleagues again began to accuse me of having made a mistake, and because of me some client would not receive his goods today, instead of clutching my head, blaming myself and apologizing (as I did before), I calmly said: “so what? What's wrong? and turned to the monitor.

From one extreme to another. This of course was not entirely correct on my part. But what happened, happened. My new reaction was also understandable.

You should not take my example in this case and sharply reconsider your line of behavior at work. Treat your work more simply, but do not show obvious indifference. If you make a mistake, calmly draw conclusions, try not to make mistakes in the future and openly admit your mistakes. Just don’t suffer about it, that’s all.

If you used to stay late at work all the time, allowed someone else’s work to fall on you, and suddenly you got tired of it, then you don’t need to leave right away workplace, as soon as 18:00 hit, without having done your work (you can, of course, do this if you don’t value this place at all). People don't expect this from you and expect the job to get done. Therefore, you should prepare everyone for the fact that you will no longer sit late into the night and do someone else's work. Warn people about this so they are prepared. Warn new employers right at the interview that you will not agree to free overtime.

I’m not trying to educate you to give a damn, I just want you to have a simpler attitude towards work, have other interests in life besides it, and not allow corporations to exploit your own labor!

I'm also not trying to develop bad employees. If you do not treat work with fanaticism, this does not mean that you will become a careless employee. On the contrary, you will perform many tasks better if you do not worry too much about possible failure.

Influence human emotions on effective adoption decisions can be tracked in poker. This is a game that I really love for its versatility. Victory in it depends not only on luck, but also on the ability to play.

I think any poker professional will confirm the following thesis. If a player is very worried about the result, worried about the mistakes he has made, he will begin to play even worse, make the wrong decisions and make even more mistakes.

Calmness, control of emotions, a calm attitude towards losses are the key to success in poker. If a player is highly emotionally involved in the game, if his goal is to teach other players a lesson, to prove something to someone, to be the very first, and if he is mortally afraid of defeat - with high probability he will tolerate it.

Therefore, approach your work the same way a good player approaches the game: calmly and with cool head. Don’t make work a field for realizing your ambitions and resolving your complexes. It is not your life or dignity that is at stake. Not the best job important thing in life. Relax!

As last parting words I advise you not to demonstrate knowledge of these rules during the interview. The employer expects you to work for the idea of ​​the company's prosperity or for the idea of ​​personal professional development, but not for money! Because it is difficult to exploit a worker for money!

If this is expected of you, then play by the employer’s rules and show with your appearance and answers that Professional Development, the opportunity to work for such a great company is more important to you than money.
I wrote about this in an article.

I hope you find these tips helpful. Some of them are more suitable for young people living in big cities, where there is a wide choice of work. But, I am sure that the advice to take a simpler approach to work will suit any employees, of any age and profession!

Instructions

Learn lessons and draw conclusions!
A wise capitalist once said, “I will never invest in a company that has never failed.” Most of his colleagues agreed with his opinion. All this is from the field of psychology. From any kind of failure we learn invaluable lessons that success is unlikely to teach us. Failures build character. When we realize that failure is inevitable, the struggle within us begins. We ! The burden after defeat shows our true soul. Failure can also lead to empathy for others. It makes you think about people who are less fortunate in this life and helps build tolerance towards others. All these aspects are important for a person to achieve success in life and business. It is important to be able to accept defeat correctly, with gratitude for the lessons learned. All this forces us to look at life from the outside and draw the right conclusions.

Don't be afraid to raise the bar!
The very appearance of failure in our lives means that we have taken a risk. And risk means that the results that we have are not enough for us and we take the goal upward, towards better life! This is the key to success! Dreams can act as motivators and direct us to something greater. After all, if our goal is small due to fear of failure, it will not raise us even above our own average bar. There is no risk, no experience and knowledge, no opportunity to achieve something truly serious and large-scale. Any failure brings you and me closer to success than inaction!

Take courage!
It takes courage to conquer peaks! Courage is not at all poor quality, and not quality at all. This is a skill that requires development. We become bolder only when we take risks and, despite failures, achieve success. Courage is not even the absence of fear, but rather the presence of a strong motivation that forces you to act in spite of everything. The dream must be hundreds of times larger and stronger than any fear of failure!

Make adjustments and move on!
A dream is the basis of everything we talk about today. The path to a dream itself can be long, grueling, filled with experience from failures and mistakes. Failure does not always depend on our diligence, round-the-clock grueling work, hundreds of dead nerve cells etc.. Failures happen to everyone and quite often. And this is an integral part of success. Learn lessons and you can adjust your further path(action plan) taking into account the experience gained. And then only success! Forward!

Helpful advice

Through trial and error the truth is born! Be calm and confident! Never give up and everything will definitely work out! Good luck to you!

Sources:

• 10 life rules to remember in difficult times

Tip 2: How to survive failures that are long in the past

There are moments in every person's life when something doesn't go well. Almost all people make mistakes. True, not everyone forgets them easily. Some people are very worried about their misconceptions and disappointments and store them in their memory for a long time. After all, failure is a test that not many people manage to survive.

We need to come to terms

Sometimes a person hides his failures behind a smile. But this does not mean that he will soon forget them. This is a mask for others. But to really forget them, you just need to come to terms with your feelings and thoughts.

You need to learn to accept your failures, then all troubles will become less painful. If a person can accept, it will be easier for him to cope with other failures. Well, if he fails, then he will perceive the emergence of new problems even more passively and emotionally. After all, the most important thing is, do not allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself and come to terms with what you feel.

Remember this is temporary

When a man is on his own life path had to face bad luck, he begins to think that he is a loser. There is no need to make such hasty conclusions and thereby predict failure for yourself. After all, everything bad that happens to us is temporary. Definitely better luck next time! These are the thoughts you need to feed your consciousness. If a person is positive, then everything in his life will change for the better.

Set simple goals

Instead of working to improve his capabilities, a person remains whiny and sad mood. There is no need to be afraid of your mistakes, you need to work on them. Even if this is insignificant progress towards the goal, a person needs it for self-esteem.

First, set yourself easy tasks, then more difficult ones. After all, everything in life is not smooth and sweet, so set goals for yourself that you can handle.

Let only good things be in your memory

In order for a person to be able to distract himself from past failures, he needs to remember the period of time when he was able to carry out his plans. Maybe there was a specific episode in life that ended successfully. It is important to relive these moments again, only with memories. And then with these good thoughts you can take on a new business.

As mentioned earlier, do not be afraid of your failures. On the contrary, it is very useful for a person, since it is the basis for his further development and interest in activities.

Accept failures with grace. It can be easy to become unstuck when you experience minor losses in some area of ​​your life. Instead of starting to reproach yourself, try to maintain composure. This is especially important if the failure you experience affects others, such as your romantic partner, boss, or someone you know. If you manage this relationship poorly, your self-confidence will only decrease. But if you handle these relationships with grace and skill, you will demonstrate to yourself that you are a capable and strong-willed person.

• Let's say you were not given a promotion, and another employee was chosen for this position. Instead of getting upset or angry, accept defeat gracefully by approaching the person who got the position and congratulating him. This behavior will allow you to show yourself as decent and worthy person. it's the same good practice for winning - constantly thinking about your loss is as unfavorable as boasting about your success.
• Even if you don't come close to the “winner” (or if similar scenario does not fit your circumstances), try, neither externally nor internally, to become overly focused on your defeat. Accept your disappointment and regroup.

Don't point your finger at anyone. Blaming others is another sign that a person does not know how to cope with failures and is not able to take responsibility. If things don't go the way you wanted, it is completely inappropriate to place blame on others. Blaming others, even if those people are partially responsible for the situation, will only hurt you.

• First, placing blame on others minimizes your own role in the situation. It allows you to point the finger at someone else and absolve yourself of responsibility for your own mistakes and miscalculations. Second, blaming gives you a reason to be disrespectful or angry toward the other person.
• Don't let the blame game poison your heart. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes (even you) and try to learn from your own.
• When you take responsibility, you are able to quickly move from feeling resentful to finding a solution to the problem or to a Plan B.