Bullying, mobbing, trolling - these concepts, with minor clarifications, mean one thing - child cruelty.

When your child is being bullied in a school group, the names of the terms coined by psychologists are not so important. It is important to understand how to stop child bullying. Spare your son or daughter the fate of a victim. What we, as parents, can do in the event of childhood terror, and what we can teach our children.

What is bullying

Bullying at school is when one child terrorizes a weaker classmate.

If there are several people bullying a classmate, this is mobbing.

The term trolling is used when terrorizing through the Internet and social networks.

These concepts often overlap: if the unspoken leader starts bullying, his friends will immediately pick it up. And cyber-bullying, or trolling, in another way, is now used in conjunction with real-life bullying.

The term “bullying” is over a hundred years old, but childhood bullying itself is eternal.

Signs of bullying at school:

1. Physical and moral weakness of the victim.
2. Consistency. That is, aggression is repeated from time to time towards the same fellow student.
3. Deliberate negative behavior of a child aggressor.

Typically, bullying at school begins with psychological aggression:

• These may include offensive statements, ridicule and insults directed at the victim. An offensive nickname is often given, which is picked up by the whole class, and gossip spreads, both in reality and on the Internet.
• Threats of physical harm, both violence against the child himself and his loved ones.
• Actions such as making obscene gestures towards a student who has been bullied. Throwing his personal belongings in the trash, spitting in his face and on his clothes. Aggressors can steal things, the child’s money. All this has an extremely negative impact on the psyche.
• Inclination to illegal actions. They can use threats or promises to stop bullying to force them to steal something, set it on fire or break it.
• Extortion of both money and things from the victim.
• Boycott or ignore.

Physical bullying at school:

• Causing physical harm. This can include kicks, blows and even beatings with serious consequences for health.
• Actions of a sexual nature. It mainly affects girls, but boys can be harmed in the same way.

Reasons for bullying

Bullying of a weaker child can occur in kindergarten or elementary school. But bullying reaches its greatest extent during adolescence. It is during this period that it is most important to stop children's bullying at school. If this is not done, the teenager learns the behavioral characteristics of the victim for life.

Any student can suffer from bullying. But most often the victims of aggression are those children who are somehow different from the group.

These are children who do not know how to hide their own moral or physical weakness:

• Such children have difficulty finding a common language with their peers and prefer the company of adults and teachers.
• Physically weak children, possibly with disabilities.
• Emotional children who react vividly to any attempt to offend them, which causes laughter among others.
• Unsure of themselves.
• Teenagers who are the worst or poorest dressed.
• Those who do not take care of their own hygiene: smell bad, have dirty clothes, hair or teeth.
• Students who are treated negatively by adults. How many times have we heard about inappropriate behavior from teachers? They are the ones who give the moral right to treat rejected classmates poorly.

How to recognize if your child is a victim of bullying at school

Quite often, especially in adolescence, schoolchildren become secretive. When parents ask how things are at school, they mutter “fine” through clenched teeth. But it’s easy for attentive parents to understand that something is wrong with their son or daughter.

A few signs that your offspring has communication problems:

• After school, the child is often depressed.
• Reluctantly goes to school, looking for any reason not to attend school. If you manage to miss it, you look much happier.
• He may categorically refuse to go to class.
• He has no friends at school. If he needs to find out about his homework, such a child doesn’t even have anyone to call among his classmates.
• Does not participate in extracurricular activities. Doesn’t go to birthday parties or visit other students, doesn’t invite anyone over.
• Almost nothing is said about school life.
• There are times when a student comes home from classes earlier than expected and does not tell the reason for leaving without permission.

If you, as a parent, have doubts about what is happening with your child, do not be afraid to seek information from the class teacher and school psychologist. They have a responsibility to know what is happening in their school with their students. If teachers do not give a clear answer to your questions, go further - to the head teacher, director and local Education Department.

But the best way to find out what is going on is to have a trusting relationship with your son or daughter.

Bullying at school - what should parents do?

The sequence of actions for bullying is as follows:

• Make sure that there is actually bullying going on at school.
• Discuss the current situation with teachers and the school psychologist, and together find solutions. In this case, teachers should conduct conversations with other students, find out their position and explain its consequences. Pay more attention to what happens to the victim during breaks. Call the parents of the aggressor for a conversation, and involve you in its conduct.
• It is better for the child to spend one or two days at home while the proceedings with the students are ongoing.
• It may be worth transferring your son or daughter to another class or even school. A new team is also some stress for a student, but it can be an order of magnitude less than communicating with his school persecutors.
• If parents are depressed and suspect post-traumatic syndrome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist.
• The main thing for parents is not to brush aside their child’s problems. Do not consider them something insignificant and passing. If there is no support from parents, the child will not be able to cope with aggression directed against him on his own. You need to listen carefully to the teenager, ask leading questions, and most importantly, under no circumstances condemn his actions or inaction if he has become a victim of bullying at school.
• It is necessary to discuss future behavior together, but not past actions, no matter how wrong they may seem to you. The child is just gaining experience in communication, learning how to properly show or hide his emotions. Your task is to help, not judge.
• Support the victim with phrases: “You are not to blame for anything,” “I believe you,” “We will solve this problem,” “This often happens to other students,” “I’m very sorry.”
• Discuss the reasons for the behavior of the main instigator of bullying. Most likely, this desire is to assert oneself at the expense of a weaker fellow student, a desire for power, or a way to survive family problems or violence.
• Demonstrate a desire to protect the child.
• Bring advocates to your side: these could be parents of other students or teachers.
• Remind your child of his achievements, of things in which he is no worse than others or even better. Have him make a list of his strengths. This could be, for example: “I run the fastest,” “I sing the best in the choir,” “I can sew,” and the like. Help your child make such a list and do not put it away, let it always be before your eyes.
• If you know about something bad about a bully classmate, share it with your child and teach him to use it against his bullies. Yes, this is a dishonest technique, but sometimes it is worth using in self-defense.

It is necessary to find an area of ​​application for your offspring’s talents. This could be one of the sports, music, drawing or any other activity that you like. Now there are many children's clubs with all kinds of clubs. If a little person finds a hobby in which he achieves results, he will feel much more confident in communication.

But you shouldn’t force children to go to training or clubs they don’t want to go to. This will only add stress to their life, and they still won’t achieve success in something they don’t care about. It’s not scary if children have changed several clubs; sooner or later they will find something that will be interesting to them and will add self-confidence.

Speak out loud hypothetical situations that the student might find himself in and his possible answers. In a critical situation, this will help you quickly find your bearings and fight back against offenders.

Remember, the sooner you intervene, the easier it will be to stop child bullying.

When the conflict is resolved, you can begin to act for the future:

• Invite those children with whom your offspring gets along more often.
• Parents should begin to actively participate in school life: organize events, trips, trips.
• Establish relationships with parents of classmates, spend time with their children.

Self-defense

Many parents have a desire to send their child to self-defense or karate classes. Of course, in life such skills will not harm anyone. But do not expect that a child in a real situation will be able to physically repel opponents. This requires a special character, which the victim of bullying is unlikely to possess.

In this case, how to stop children's bullying?

The main method of protection lies on the psychological plane, not the physical. The winner is the one who is ready to go to the end, and not the one who knows more self-defense techniques or is even physically stronger.

It is necessary to teach the child correct behavior, the ability to defend his point of view and position in general, and not follow the lead of the school community. From a young age, it is necessary to instill in a child a sense of pride, self-esteem and self-confidence.

Tell your children how to recognize lies and manipulation. This is very easy to do even with the youngest children - just focus your children’s attention on such moments in fairy tales or cartoons. As an example, the tale of Pinocchio. Here Alice the Fox and Basilio the Cat try to trick Pinocchio or Rumplestiltskin in a Shrek cartoon for older children. Draw your child’s attention to the intonations of the characters, the expressions on their faces when attempting to manipulate and lie. When reading fairy tales, underline the words and their real meaning. Discuss with your child the situations in life that he witnessed - how he should have responded and acted to someone who was offended so as not to find himself in the role of a victim.

Results

Children are like little animals; they need to be taught humanity, kindness and compassion over many years. Learn what is good and bad. Plus, due to their age, they are simply not able to fully control their emotions and the actions that cause them.

That is why parents are engaged in raising their offspring at home, and teachers and social educators are appointed for this at school. But, to the great regret of our entire society, teachers now absolutely do not care what is happening in the children's team. As long as this does not affect grades - after all, teachers receive their salaries based on the overall performance of the class.

Ekaterina Morozova

Reading time: 9 minutes

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The term “bullying” today, unfortunately, is well known to many parents of children who have been bullied by their classmates. Bullying is systematically repeated bullying, violence against a specific student who, for one reason or another, is unable to defend himself. This problem can affect both a high school student and a child in grades 3-4. In grades 1-2, as a rule, this does not happen.

For a child of any age, bullying becomes a difficult ordeal. How to help your child?

Signs of a victim in school bullying - how to understand that a child is being bullied by other children?

Not every child admits to their parents that they have become a victim of bullying. And only parents’ attention to the slightest changes in his condition will help save a child from moral suffering and deep psychological trauma.

As a rule, the following symptoms can indicate that a child is being bullied at school:

• The child often follows the lead of other children and is afraid to express his own opinion.
• The child is often offended, insulted, ridiculed.
• The child is unable to defend himself in a fight or argument.
• Bruises, torn clothes and briefcases, and “lost” things are a common occurrence.
• The child avoids crowds, group games, clubs.
• The child has no friends.
• During recess, the child tries to stay close to adults.
• The child is afraid to go to the board.
• The child has no desire to go to school or extracurricular activities.
• The child does not go to visit friends.
• The child is often stressed and in a bad mood. May snap, be rude, or withdraw into himself.
• The child loses his appetite, sleeps poorly, suffers from headaches, gets tired quickly and is unable to concentrate.
• The child began to study worse.
• He constantly looks for excuses not to go to school and began to get sick often.
• The child goes to school using different routes.
• Pocket money often goes missing.

Of course, these signs can mean not only bullying, but if you find all these symptoms in your child, take immediate action.

Video: Bullying. How to stop bullying?

Signs of an aggressor in bullying among school children - when should adults be wary?

According to surveys in the capital, about 12% of children at least once participated in bullying their classmates. And the figure remains greatly underestimated, due to the reluctance of children to publicly admit their aggression towards other people.

And it is not at all necessary that the aggressor is a child from a dysfunctional family. More often than not, it's just the opposite. However, it is simply impossible to determine a particular social environment, because the status of the family does not at all affect the manifestation of aggression in a child. The aggressor can be a child from a rich and successful family, a “nerd” offended by the world, or simply the “leader” of the class.

Only a teacher, as the person who remains closest to the children during their studies, is able to spot the signs of beginning aggression in a timely manner.

But parents should also be careful.

There is a clear reason to be wary and take a closer look at the child’s behavior if...

• He easily manipulates other children.
• His friends slavishly obey him in everything.
• They are afraid of him in class.
• For him there is only black and white. The child is a maximalist.
• He easily judges other people without even understanding the situation.
• He is capable of aggressive actions.
• He often changes friends.
• More than once he was “caught” by you insulting, ridiculing other children, in fights, etc.
• He is capricious and cocky.

Of course, it is shameful, scary and painful to find out that your child is a participant in bullying. But the label “aggressor” is not a death sentence for a child, but a reason to help your child cope with this test.

Remember that children become aggressors for a reason, and a child will definitely not be able to cope with this problem alone.

Video: Children's bullying. How to deal with bullying at school?

Why is bullying at school dangerous?

Unfortunately, bullying is a common occurrence today. And not only in schools, and not only in Russia.

Among the varieties of this phenomenon one can also note:

1. , psycho-terror). An example of the phenomenon is well shown in the film "Scarecrow". Unlike bullying, a mobber can only be one student or a small group of “authorities”, and not the whole class (as in bullying).
2. Huizing. This type of violence is more common in closed institutions. It represents violent “rites of passage,” a kind of “hazing,” and the imposition of degrading actions.
3. Cybermobbing and cyberbullying. This online bullying is usually transferred to the virtual world from the real one. As a rule, the victim does not even know who exactly is hiding behind the masks of the offenders who insult her, send threats, bully her on the Internet, post the victim’s personal data publicly, etc.

The consequences of bullying can be very sad. Such cruelty can lead to an even harsher response.

For example, the majority of schoolchildren who were taken away from schools (in different countries) in handcuffs after shootings and stabbings were victims of bullying, bullying, and open self-dislike.

Cruelty always “deforms” the child’s psyche.

The consequences of bullying can be:

• Retaliatory aggression and violence.
• Outbursts on weaker classmates, friends, brothers/sisters.
• Psychological trauma, the appearance of complexes, loss of self-confidence, development of mental disorders, etc.
• The formation of antisocial traits in a child, the emergence of a tendency to various addictions.
• And the worst thing is suicide.

How to deal with school bullying, how to stop children’s bullying - step-by-step instructions for adults

If parents (teachers) know for sure about the fact of bullying, measures must be taken immediately.

Any children who stand out from the crowd in some way may be at risk, but this does not mean that they need to become part of the herd. Independence must be defended.

Teach your child to behave correctly: you can be different from everyone else, but at the same time be the life of the party, and not the person everyone wants to kick.

Excessive self-confidence or hyper-shyness are the enemies of a child. We need to get rid of them.

Besides…

1. Collect advantages. That is, increase the child’s self-esteem and rid him of complexes. Healthy self-confidence is the key to success.
2. Good endurance is a character trait of a strong-willed person. You also need to be able to ignore with dignity.
3. Don't be afraid of anything. Here everything is like with dogs: if it feels that you are afraid of it, it will definitely attack. A child should always feel confident, and for this he needs to overcome fears and complexes.
4. Develop a sense of humor in your child. In many situations, a well-timed joke is enough to cool hot heads and defuse the situation.
5. Expand your child's opportunities for communication.
6. Let your child express himself. Don't force him into the framework you created. The more a child realizes himself, the more trained his strengths become, the higher his self-confidence.

How to help your child if he does become a victim of bullying?

• We teach the child to record facts of bullying (dictaphone, camera, photos and screenshots, etc.).
• We turn to the teacher with evidence - and look for a way out with the class teacher and the parents of the aggressors.
• We turn to a psychologist or psychiatrist (state, licensed!), who can document the fact of moral harm inflicted on the child.
• If there are no changes, we write complaints to the school director. Further, if there is no result - to the commission on juvenile affairs.
• If the reaction is still zero, we write complaints about the inaction of the above-described addressees to the Department of Education, the Commissioner for Human Rights, and also to the prosecutor’s office.
• Don’t forget to collect all the receipts - for medications for the child to treat mental and other injuries, for doctors, for tutors if you had to miss school due to bullying, for property damaged by aggressors, for lawyers, etc.
• We record injuries, if any, and contact the police with a statement and paper from the medical institution/institution.
• Next, we file a lawsuit demanding compensation for moral damages and losses.
• Let's not forget about the public outcry. It is he who often helps to quickly solve a problem and makes all the “cogs” in the education system move, etc. Write posts on social networks in relevant groups, write to the media that deal with such problems, etc.

And, of course, we don’t forget to instill confidence in the child and explain that Bullying is not the problem.

Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Natalya Tsymbalenko was able to stop bullying in her son’s class; her story has been posted on her Facebook page more than 9 thousand times. Based on her experience, she has developed a guide that will help other parents protect their child.

One day Petya came up and asked: “Mom, what is vaping? Isn't it harmful? Once again I thought: how good it is that my son and I have a trusting relationship! It turned out that in order to be cool in class, you need to smoke a vape, and one boy from the group of “jokers” told Misha that he could give him money and he would buy him a vape. Misha wanted to return some positions in the class and brought money. The boy just took the money...

But the problem of bullying is not an individual problem, but a group problem. Many parents notice, and I noticed at one time when my child was in such a situation, that the same children who in the classroom can very cruelly bully a child find themselves with the same child outside the classroom, for example, in line at a children's clinic , they can play soul to soul for two hours, like best friends. No tension. When they find themselves in a group, their individual brain is knocked out of them, they are crushed by group dysfunction.

In a reputable magnet school, it may be that, on average, teachers spend less time with children because they consider it their primary duty to teach their lessons well, and they may be much more concerned about students' grades than their relationships. There is an opinion that teachers should not interfere in everything, but should only mind their own business. They, of course, should not interfere in everything - too active participation in children's life is also harmful: children have the right to some independence as individuals. But when little attention is paid to them, because “our business is just to meet in chemistry class,” this is also bad.