It turns out that adults are also not averse to playing games, only their games are also adults. Unfortunately, a huge number of families are breaking up all over the world. Often marriages that do not end in divorce do not bring any pleasure to family members and exist out of habit. The Karpman triangle perfectly describes the principle of building unhealthy relationships - games that, in the end, can lead to disaster.
What is Karpman's Triangle
Initially, psychotherapist Eric Berne published a classification according to which there are a number of standard models human behavior. His follower was Stefan Karpman, who in 1968 created the famous model based on the triangle principle, which eventually became known as the Karpman Triangle.
Important!!!
His idea was that each vertex of the triangle represents a certain role played by a person; the author identified three such roles in total: Victim, Persecutor, Deliverer.
In addition, all participants exchange roles from time to time to avoid boredom. Thus, such a “game” can drag on for long years, on the one hand, bring hidden emotional pleasure to the participants, and on the other hand, prevent them from following the path to their happiness. In the end, sooner or later, everything comes to the point that only one “player” of the triangle will influence the other “players”, and they, in turn, will be in constant anticipation of a change in roles in order to “play enough”, which means enjoy.
Important!!!
Unfortunately, a huge number of people close their lives on the Karpman triangle. And they would be glad to get out, but they didn’t know how. And others could live their lives without realizing that they were “players.”
TV-"Science of the Soul". Issue 21. Karpman triangle
Why do people play games
- Everyone shifts responsibility for their mistakes and mistakes onto each other.
- People unite, that is, in this way they try to hide from loneliness.
- The resulting emotions are very vivid, and the participants lack vivid life experiences.
- Everyone so satisfies the feelings of need and importance.
For example, the Victim needs a Rescuer, since only he is able to appreciate her sensitive and deprived nature. She needs the Persecutor because he makes her life dynamic and interesting, the same one because of whom the Victim is forced to endure so many hardships.
Rescuer - he must save someone in order to be appreciated and feel that there are those who need him (for this he needs a Victim). And the Victim needs to be saved from some evil character (the Persecutor).
The persecutor is looking for a Victim for himself in order to compare himself with a lesser strong man and prove your worth to yourself. He needs a Rescuer because of the need to shift responsibility for his failures onto him; the fulfillment of his goals was prevented by none other than the Rescuer.
The principle of “work” of the Karpman triangle: distribution of “roles”. Victim
Important!!!
The role of the Victim is that she feels weak and infirm, unable to influence the surrounding reality.
Consequently, the Victim is constantly looking for someone who could take responsibility for her life and actions. So the participant in this role shifts responsibility to other people. The victim is constantly in a state of helplessness, complains that no one understands her, does not love her, and considers herself doomed to suffering and worry. She often says that no one can help her, but she herself is ready to sacrifice herself for others. The victim is unable to defend himself or take care of himself. She only provokes her Pursuer, who easily follows her provocations. But no matter how much he does, the Victim is forced to suffer again and again. And so this vicious circle can last for a very long time.
Karpman triangle and dependence
Savior: superhero to the rescue
The Karpman triangle is a generalized principle of human interaction, a kind of schematic principle. So, the participants in the game are the following “characters”: Victim, Persecutor, Deliverer (Rescuer).
A Savior, or Deliverer, is a person who takes on the role of a superhero. By the way, it is very easy to involve him in the “pyramid”, since he is supposedly doing a noble cause, and being a hero is always prestigious. The Savior's goal is to fight evil and injustice. He is ready to take responsibility for the fate of the insulted and humiliated.
Why can't you give advice?
What is the Savior's benefit from participating in the “games”?
The fact is that when he takes an active part in rescue operations, acting as the main person, he feels his importance and usefulness, that he is doing something necessary.
This desire for power, expressed in this step, gives him the right to influence and control the destinies of others. Plus, this is an attempt to escape from loneliness. In addition, by helping, the Savior hopes that the time will come when he will receive gratitude for his deeds. However, not receiving anything in return, the hero becomes upset, disappointed, and feels a sense of injustice and resentment. So gradually he transforms into an actor of other roles - the Persecutor or the Victim.
Pursuer: Full Control
Important!!!
The persecutor takes the position of “the smartest”, constantly strives to control everyone and everything, because of which he has no idea what it is to live without a feeling of fear, anarchy and tension.
It constantly seems to him that the whole world is up in arms against him, and everyone wants to attack him and hurt him. According to the Persecutor, he has no choice but to attack first. This is how the representative of this role gets along with feelings of disappointment, pain, powerlessness and guilt. Thus, the principle of the persecutor's behavior is to blame others for his failures and shift responsibility for his mistakes onto them. He receives unconscious pleasure from attacks, since this manifests his thirst for power and the desire to prove himself, to demonstrate his courage and resourcefulness. It happens that it even comes to aggression.
Adult “games”: role exchange
The illogicality of the game is manifested in the fact that after the Savior begins to take concrete steps to save the Victim, she suddenly changes her views and begins to defend the position of the Persecutor. Thus, the roles are reversed: the Rescuer becomes the Persecutor, the Persecutor becomes the Victim (since he now becomes the offended), and the Victim becomes the Savior.
Why do people want to play the role of Rescuer?
The fact is that it is prestigious. Those who are trying to occupy it are those who find it difficult to realize their potential outside the triangle. Taking on the role of Savior is the easiest way to succeed at someone else’s expense: to humiliate another person.
How the game starts
It all starts with the appearance of the organizer of the entire event. Eric Berne called him the Driver, often he is one person. As a rule, he makes an attempt to become a Rescuer in relation to another person, but receives a sharp rebuff. Having experienced pain, he turns into a Victim, finds a third party to whom he “dumps” his problems, complains, asks to intervene so that he can bring some sense to the unfortunate person who has offended him so much. And the third person becomes the Savior, while the one from whom the Victim received a rebuff takes on the role of the Persecutor. After the Savior intervenes in the affairs of the Victim, she suddenly begins to gain strength and transform into the Savior.
About the Karpman Triangle
How not to become a Rescuer
The mechanism for creating a Karpman triangle can be traced very easily: for example, a person is asked for help. It's one thing to ask for help or advice without direct intervention. personal life– it’s not scary yet. But when they ask for help according to the principle: “help me, but at the same time I will punish someone else” - this already indicates that an invitation has been received, sounding between the lines in the following way: “help me, save me, punish the Persecutor, and then you yourself will become the Persecutor.” Therefore, it is very important to be able not to get involved in the relationship between the two parties and not to give advice unless asked for. Unfortunately, the Karpman triangle is created in completely different social groups: in the family (for example, a parent - a son or daughter - his spouse), at work (for example, a boss - a subordinate - another subordinate), sometimes it can be realized in love triangles.
Karpman triangle in codependency
Important!!!
Of course, the structure of the Karpman triangle would not be so stable if it did not bring benefits to each of its participants. Moreover, each of them is mutually dependent on each other, although they do not admit it.
For example, the Victim is dependent because he needs other “players” to receive pain from one, and to tell the other about his problems, receiving a feeling of pity. The pursuer and the Savior depend on each other, play “cat and mouse”, gradually changing roles - for both, the game is a way to throw out accumulated energy, anger, aggression, an opportunity to discharge, so they can act as provocateurs. The Savior is dependent on other participants in the game, since it is they who create the basis for self-realization in this way.
One of the main emotions of the Karpman triangle is the presence of guilt. For example, if the Victim wants to stop being a Victim and go beyond the triangle, then the Savior will join the game with maximum force with the phrase “How can you do this, because I have done so much for you.” If the Victim begins to do something in response, that is, to pay off, the Savior joins in with new strength and does more and more for the Victim, driving him into such circumstances, playing on feelings of duty and guilt, manipulating so that the Victim cannot free himself from his tenacious hands.
Typical behavior codependent. Karpman triangle
Is there any benefit to playing in the Karpman triangle?
Some believe that there is nothing wrong with the Karpman triangle, since each participant feels important. Moreover, if the needs of the players are met, then this is what can be considered proper love. Psychologists say that such relationships do not bring any benefit to any of their participants in the long term. For example, a woman who takes on one of the three roles will certainly not receive any benefit from such interaction in the future. Her time and energy will not be spent on self-realization, which she, in fact, refuses, but on empty hassle.
Examples of relationships based on the Karpman triangle principle
To make the situation more clear, we can consider several examples. For example, a husband comes home from work and sees his wife and daughter arguing. First, the man comes to his wife’s defense, starting to lecture his daughter. But soon the wife goes over to her daughter’s side, blaming her husband for having the wrong conversation with the child. The daughter, sensing something is wrong, can also get involved in the “game” and begin to protect her mother. Variations further development there can be many events. Each participant can have time to play several roles in one conversation.
Another example: a mother and daughter live in the same apartment. From a young age, the daughter felt stronger than her mother and took responsibility for her life. So the child became a Savior in relation to his mother, who accepted the role of the Victim. The daughter has formed the belief that her needs are not worthy of attention, and the meaning of life is to constantly care for her mother. The mother played the role of a helpless person who is unable to live full life and needs protection. Gradually, this distribution of roles led to the fact that the daughter began to feel anger towards her weak-willed mother and a shift to the role of the Persecutor occurred.
An example of the Persecutor's thinking: one day one of the doctors had a day off, which he decided to spend playing golf. Right on the playing field, a playing partner approached the doctor with a request to examine his kneecap, which was languishing in pain. The doctor, instead of not complicating the situation and refusing, agreed to an examination in his medical office. But he thought not from the position of helping a person, but from the position of teaching, teaching a lesson, because it is the Persecutor who knows the answers to all the questions and how to do it right. And after the examination, he will tell his friends that he hit the poor patient’s leg so hard with a hammer on purpose so that next time it wouldn’t be common to overload the doctor with work on his day off, and even on the playing field.
Saviors are rushing to the rescue!
Mothers often act as Saviors. Instead of adequate support in moderation, they unconsciously create unhealthy relationship, surrounding their often already adult child with super care. In fact, this is not so much a manifestation mother's love, how much desire to manipulate and control the life of your child. Often Saviors are formed in those families where they are still in childhood they did not receive the right amount of love and care. Their needs were of no interest to anyone, so in adulthood the same unhealthy model of behavior persists: “my needs do not exist, I was created to work for the benefit of other people, forgetting about my own.” own interests" Since the Savior is not given the opportunity to work for his own benefit, he is forced to work for other people. Naturally, when doing something for another, the Savior expects a return in return. When he does not receive it (for the Victim is not a priori created to do something for someone), the Savior himself turns into a Victim unfairly deprived of attention and care.
Why does the Savior rush to the rescue?
Because on an unconscious level he understands that he is drawing other people into dependence on himself and his help. The Savior believes that if he has done something for another person, he will not leave him alone.
The development of events is as follows: the more the Savior does “good” for the Victim, the more defenseless the Victim becomes, as she abdicates more and more responsibility, which often leads to disaster. An illustrative example is a mother who constantly made decisions for her two sons, and they increasingly shifted responsibility for their lives onto her. As a result, everything led to the fact that the children began to blame their mother for all their troubles. Each time, such a mother became more and more convinced that her children were not able to make responsible decisions on their own. She felt a responsibility to control their every move. But the older the children became, the less they obeyed their mother. She had two options for response behavior: either become a Victim, that is, helpless in the matter further influence, or scandalize them for their disobedience. In both cases, both parties are forced to feel guilty and there can be no talk of any happiness.
How the Pursuer is Formed
Important!!!
Like many behavioral scenarios, the role of the Persecutor is formed in childhood among those who have experienced physical or psychological abuse
The main emotions of their entire lives are anger and shame. They remembered very well that those who hurt them were always stronger, and therefore had power. Every person has a desire to rule, but the future Persecutor is guided by a picture from childhood: he remembers that violence equals power and begins to copy the behavior of the rapist. The only available way to assert oneself is to inflict pain and attack others who are weaker than the Persecutor. He threatens, accuses, lectures, constantly plays smart and needs someone who can be influenced. The Persecutor's greatest fear is being vulnerable and helpless. In addition, they do not want to realize that they are hurting other people through such behavior. The scenario is something like this: “I wanted to help, (Savior), they attacked me (Victim), I was forced to defend myself (Persecutor).”
How the Victim is formed
Important!!!
It manifests itself in cases where a person is not confident in himself, it constantly seems to him that nothing will work out. Consequently, the Victim needs to always have someone next to her who is stronger and can take care of her and take responsibility, without believing in her abilities and potential. And they find - on their way they come across a Savior capable of this. The Victim's reaction is not a feeling of gratitude, but resentment. In the end, they want to be higher than their Savior and turn into a Persecutor in relation to him. This is what it looks like: The Victim declares his problem to the Savior, who offers a solution. The victim begins to criticize him on the basis of “yes, but...”, “Yes, this good idea, but it won’t work because...” The Savior makes several attempts, all of which end in failure. And now he feels helpless.
Why leave the Karpman triangle?
If everyone is happy, everyone benefits from being in their role, then why interrupt such a movement at all?
- A happy life with such interaction is impossible, since the participants are not able to solve their problems.
- The “game” can only bring immediate benefits. In the long run, everyone loses from such unhealthy relationships.
From time to time, every person, analyzing his life, has been in one role or another. If the role does not correspond to the needs of the individual, then she will not “get stuck” in it for a long time and will successfully exit on her own. But it happens that the life of some people consists entirely of a triangle game: everyone is sucked into manipulative games, and life is gradually destroyed.
How to get out of the triangle of fate
How to interrupt movement in the Karpman triangle. Pursuer
What to do to stop the movement in the triangle?
First of all, you need to understand where you are in it. And follow the line simple rules. For the Persecutor it is important:
- Before moving on to your usual reaction, namely scolding, criticizing, blaming someone, you should think about whether there is a desire to break.
- Agree that there are smarter and stronger people, that is, be able to admit your imperfections.
- Stop blaming other people for your mistakes and failures.
- Give up the idea that the whole world should live according to your ideas.
- Find a business for self-realization.
- Do not carry out violence against another person, but look for ways to come to an agreement.
How to interrupt movement in the Karpman triangle. Rescuer
How to interrupt movement in the Karpman triangle. Victim
- Stop complaining and passing the buck.
- Get rid of the idea that someone should do something to solve your problems.
- Understand that all the steps that are taken are the result of your own choice.
- If they offer help, then it is worth stipulating in advance what you will have to do in return.
- Do what you think is right without regard to other people's opinions.
- If there are people who are ready to help, then you should not pit the Savior against the Persecutor. You need to understand what kind of constructive help they can offer.
Conclusion:
The Karpman triangle perfectly shows the pattern of building unhealthy relationships. Of course, it’s not always easy to accept that the relationship building scenario was wrong and find the strength to correct it. But the sooner this happens, the better. It is more effective when an experienced psychotherapist is involved in the work, who helps put everything in its place and build a happy, harmonious family.
It is important for family relationships to be healthy
All people, without exception, want to live better than they live now. Even those who have everything also see a vector in the direction in which they want to follow. Because there is development, without which living here on Earth is boring and pointless. A bad waste of a great Divine Chance.
Evolution of Suffering into Pleasure
And, it would seem, what could be simpler? Look at those who live better than you, learn from them, follow a good example, and development (and, accordingly, evolution, which brings more happiness than it was yesterday) is guaranteed!
However, instead of this completely understandable plan of action, people for some reason prefer to envy, be jealous and get irritated instead of learning. Thank God, not all. There are those who are confidently moving up the ladder of evolution, and this theory below is for them.
©Adam Martinakis
The initial stage of evolution is described by Karpman - this is his famous triangle:
VICTIM - CONTROLLER (PERSECUTOR) - RESCUE
This level is probably not even zero, much less initial. She is rather “Minus First”. That is, this is a negative scale in relation to where a person needs to move.
So, to begin with, Minus The first stage needs to be described, as I see it now.
VICTIM
The main message of the Victim is: “ Life is unpredictable and evil. She always does things to me that I can't handle. Life is suffering."
The Victim's emotions are fear, resentment, guilt, shame, envy and jealousy.
There is constant tension in the body, which transforms over time into somatic diseases.
The victim is periodically sucked into depression when there is not enough courage to go to an event that will give birth to an impression. Because the impression (what if it happens bad?!) will force you to accept something, integrate it into your personality. The victim is not ready for this, her world is hard and inert, she does not agree to move in any direction.
In the Victim there is stagnation and immobility, although outwardly she may scurry around like a squirrel in a wheel, being busy and tired all the time.
But the Soul came Here, to the World, to develop, so immobility is not its choice. The soul suffers, therefore there is no rest in the immobility of the Victim, in its depression. The soul from within requires movement, the Sacrifice does not allow it to happen. And this struggle deprives you of strength.
“I’m so tired of all this!” - the Victim cries.
Pursuer (Controller)
He is in fear, irritation, anger. He lives in the past
(remembers past troubles) and in the future (“anticipates”, but in fact invents new ones), in eternal desire“spread straws.” The world for him is also a vale of suffering, the same as for the Victim. His main message: “no matter what happens!”
Anger and fear are born from encroachment on borders, because the World never tires of provoking! But at this level, the person is terrified of change, because he believes that any innovation cannot be for the better.
The Controller has constant tension in his body; he carries an Everest of responsibility for himself and his neighbors. He gets terribly tired of this, and blames those he controls for his fatigue. And he’s also offended: “ They don’t appreciate concerns, they say.!»
The Controller stalks the Victim, “builds” her, forcing her to fulfill his instructions, and of course, for her own good! The victim does not appreciate the care, and this eternal source conflicts, both internal and external.
However, in the "-1" triangle Controller– the center where ideas and energy movement are born. How does this happen? The Controller gets scared of something (news on TV, for example), and begins to motivate the Victim to take active action so as not to disappear tomorrow. The victim struggles to follow the instructions, gets tired, and suffers. She complains to the Rescuer, and he consoles her.
"I'm so tired of taking care of you all!” - the Controller screams.
Rescuer
The Rescuer takes pity and saves the Victim, sympathizes with the Controller. For the Rescuer, the Controller is also a Victim who needs understanding and recognition of merit.
Rescuer's background feelings – pity, resentment(did not appreciate the efforts to save), guilt (could not save), anger at the Controller. It's a shame that your efforts were not appreciated.
The Rescuer takes pity on the Victim, because she is small, weak and cannot cope on her own. The controller is also a poor thing, he drags everyone on himself... You need to give him your back, but who will give it to you if not him, the Rescuer? The next rescue action ends with the growth of the Rescuer’s EGO: “Without me, you will all die!” He proudly puts his hands on his hips and looks down on the Victim, the Controller and the whole world. This is his moment of triumph - one of the few positive emotions, which are present in the 1st triangle.
However, there is still the same tension in the body.
“How I feel sorry for you!”- background thought and emotion of the Rescuer.
The energy flow is wrong.
Controller - to the Victim.
Rescuer - to the Victim and the Controller.
THE VICTIM DOES NOT GIVE ANYTHING, SHE HAS NOTHING!
There is no circle of energy, and it flows out of the system.
The rescuer is far from understanding that tragic (even) changes always lead to development. They need to be accepted and met halfway, and not resisted.
In the “-1” triangle, relaxation tends to zero. How can you relax here if life is so dangerous? Something happens all the time, knocking the ground out from under your feet. At this stage, people begin to get sick early, surrender to external Rescuers (doctors). Scold them with your Controller: “The treatment is bad! The health care system is fucked!” And with your Victims complain how bad everything is.
In relations with their neighbors (in the family, for example), such people usually take one of the positions quite rigidly. For example, the Victim Husband (because he brings in little money and drinks to drown out his guilt). The wife is a Controller-Persecutor, always telling him how wrong he is. And when he gets drunk and feels bad, his wife can turn into a Rescuer and treat him for alcoholism, or at least use pickle juice in the morning.
The husband also “walks” through three subpersonalities. Basically he is a Victim, but when he gets drunk, he can start chasing his family. And then “save” them, making amends with sweets and gifts.
Or the mother of the family, who has always been a Controller or a Rescuer, falls into a Victim, starting to get sick. Nobody liked the controller! And now (perhaps only in old age, when diseases are no longer strong enough to resist) there is finally a chance to get love. Causing pity among those around us.
The child, who was a Victim under the control of his mother, transforms into a Rescuer (caring for his sick mother), and finally feels good.
The Karpman triangle is a space of manipulation.
Being in it, people chronically do not know how to honestly say what they really need. Why is that?
Because they are accustomed to “live for others” and firmly believe that others will live for them in return.
“Faith does not allow” to achieve one’s own happiness - faith in parents and educators, “They can’t all be wrong at once?!”
They can...
Parents and educators in childhood are strict Controllers and Persecutors.
As a result, they are manipulators; one can never exist without the other. They themselves revolve in this triangle of Suffering. They teach the child to be comfortable, not free.
A free child from the point of view of a manipulative parent is a punishment from heaven.
He constantly invades his parents’ life with the goal of “breaking everything in it” - so it seems to them! He always wants to eat, write, walk and communicate at inconvenient times (and they are always inconvenient!) for his parents. That's why good child for the Controller, this is the one who sits in the corner and does not reflect. Doesn't ask questions. He eats what they give him. Good student. In a word, it doesn’t create any problems.
When does the first suppression occur?
During that wonderful period when a child proudly speaks “I myself!” and mom (dad) do not allow him to realize himself. Eat it yourself, for example.
Because he will get dirty, stain his clothes, and who will clean up?
Mom - Controller. She does not want to be a Victim who plows alone for everyone and therefore prefers to control.
When a child grows up and it becomes difficult to suppress him by force, she begins to manipulate: “Don’t do that, mommy’s heart hurts!”
The child feels sorry for his mother and, instead of realizing his desires, begins to act as a Rescuer. This, of course, seems better than the Victim's position, and he begins to feel his strength and power “Wow, what am I, I can make my mother’s heart hurt or not hurt! I am cool!" But he loves mom, and of course, reluctantly with HIS own heart, he chooses to be good and not upset mommy. Time goes by, he grows, and mom begins to make claims: “ Why are you so dependent?!” How and where could he learn independence if all his ideas were cut off at the root?
Of course, the Controller-Persecutor Parent does not realize this; he is sincerely confident that he always acts in the interests of the children. Lays down straws, warns of dangers, so that your dear child does not get hurt in the World and gets bumps. But it is precisely wounds and bumps that provide real experience that can be used later, and mother’s (father’s) notations give nothing but set the teeth on edge and the desire to do the opposite.
All teenage rebellions stem from the child’s desire to get out of the Victim subpersonality.
Even if the rebellion is “cruel and bloody” with leaving home, breaking off relationships, it is still in the direction of life, in the direction of evolution, not degradation.
There is no point in describing the manipulations of the “-1st” triangle in detail - all the low-grade “soap” of television series is about this.
One can only dream of honesty and sincerity in these spaces, because people are mortally afraid to show both their real needs and their actual feelings. There is no talk of responsibility for your life here. In misfortune and negative emotions It's always someone external's fault. The task is to find him and brand him with shame. Then the person feels that he is not to blame, which means he can still consider himself good.
It is important to understand that the main task in these positions isself-affirmationthrough “deserving” love.
Victim - “I am for you!”
Rescuer - “I’m here for you!”
Controller - “I’m here for you!”
...and no one honestly and directly for his own sake...
They all deserve each other's love by asserting themselves on their neighbors.
The sadness of the situation is that they will never deserve love, because everyone is fixated on themselves and does not see others.
The humor of the situation is that all this happens not only in the external world, but also in the internal one. Each person is a Controller, a Victim and a Rescuer for himself, and according to the principle of similarity, these figures are displayed in the external World.
People whose energies revolve in the “-1st” triangle (and there is negligibly little energy there!) do not have a chance to get out of it until they hear THEIR real desires. What are they?
Victim wants to free herself and do what she wants, and not what the Controller prescribes.
Controller wants to relax and let everything take its course and finally rest.
Rescuer dreams that everyone will somehow figure it out on their own, and there will be no need for him. And he, too, will be able to relax and think about himself.
And all this, from the point of view of public morality, is complete selfishness. But from the point of view of a specific individual it leads to specific human happiness. Because happiness is where the realization of YOUR very tangible needs is found.
It could seem , that if the Victim, the Controller and the Rescuer, instead of fighting in the outside world, begin to turn inside themselves, then this is a more constructive way.
This is when it is not external enemies that are blamed, but the internal Controller begins to persecute the internal Victim. " It's all my fault. I can never accept the right decision. I'm an irresponsible nonentity, a weakling and a loser.!»
The victim may offer little resistance and then fall into depression, because she herself understands that this is how it is.
Then the Rescuer raises his head and says something like: “ Others are even worse! And I'll start on Monday new life, I will do exercises, wash the dishes after myself, stop being late for work, and will compliment my wife (husband). Everything will work out for me!”
The “new life” lasts a couple of days or weeks, but there is not enough energy to implement wonderful decisions, and soon everything slides into the same swamp.
A new cycle begins.
The Controller stalks the Victim “Again, as always, you are weak-willed, irresponsible, worthless…" And so on. This is the same internal dialogue that all masters of meditation and other developmental practices motivate us to get rid of.
Yes, all the problems external life Always are resolved internally first.
This happens from the moment the decision is made to change the script.
The problem of a person who is spinning in the “minus 1st triangle” is that he does not have enough strength to implement useful and radical decisions.
The power (resources) in the “minus 1st” triangle is scarce, because it is closed in on itself and does not strive to go out into the outside World ( The world is dangerous and scary!). And a particular person has very exhaustible reserves that quickly run out. Especially in internal battles between the Victim, the Controller and the Rescuer. They actively fight each other, and it is not surprising that people get sick (the body suffers from these battles), losing energy and dying criminally early. It’s criminal in the sense that we are planned for a much longer period.
We can live longer and happier if we do not fall into the Triangle of Suffering. He is the real HELL. Not somewhere after death, but here and now. If we choose to be Victims or Save or Control.
The Karpman triangle is a “wounded child”, and it doesn’t matter how old he is - 10 or 70. These people may never grow up.
Of course, they rush around all their lives looking for a way out, but rarely find it. In order to do this, you need to rebel against your established patterns of behavior, allow yourself to be “bad” to others, “ a soulless and ruthless egoist who lives only for himself"- (quote from the Controller's popular accusations).
This new way living (for YOURSELF, and not for others) can really destroy relationships with loved ones, create a lot of troubles at work and in an established circle of friends and acquaintances. This could ruin everything normal life! Therefore, it takes a lot of courage to escape from the boring but predictable safety. The man who really got him bleak existence, has a chance to find strength in himself. Through fear, guilt, aggression. Having made SUPER effort, he can move to new level. Because only there HIS life truly begins.
The second triangle, in which there is much less suffering and more power over the World, is this:
HERO – PHILOSOPHER (POFIGIST) – PROVOCATOR
You can enter the second triangle only through polarity, when all three first subpersonalities are transformed into their opposites. Because we remember that the “-1” triangle on the scale is “minus”. Passing through the point “0”, the minus sign changes to the opposite one.
What does a change to another polarity look like?
Victim transforms into Hero, Controller - V Philosopher-Don't-Give-A-Kind, A Rescuer - V Provocateur (Motivator).
This is the most difficult thing on the path of evolution - to abruptly move from the “-1st” triangle to the +1st”, because there is little strength, and inertia pulls back. It's the same as full speed ahead(after all, life doesn’t stop!) turn the car around the opposite side. Besides, the entire environment is against change. It will cling to the legs and arms, and cause a feeling of guilt in a person, just to prevent him from freeing himself. All psychotherapy is dedicated to this very process: to heal the wounded child who lives inside the personality from the triangle of Suffering. And sometimes this can be a lifelong journey.
In the external World, the transition to the next level becomes noticeable by the following signs:
a person is no longer manipulated, but actualizes (expresses and fulfills) his own desires. From now on, he is not carried away by other people's goals, and he (even if they try to lure him into them actively and consistently, using the buttons of guilt, resentment, fear and pity), asks himself every time: “Why do I need this? What will I get as a result? What can I learn if I do what is suggested?” And if he does not find HIS gain from the implementation of the proposed idea, he does not get involved in the action.
the main task Hero– studying oneself and the world around us. Emotions that are background for him are interest, excitement, inspiration, pride (if the feat is a success). Sadness, regret - if not. Boredom if there is a long downtime. The Hero does not fall into a sense of guilt (and if this happens, it is an indicator that he has regressed to previous level and turned into The victim).
I use the term “Hero” here because in fact, development is a complex act, and yes, truly HEROIC. All the time you need to overcome your yesterday's beliefs, abandoning them in order to move on. “Feat” can be in the external World, and in the internal, it does not matter. Its scale doesn't matter either. Therefore, at first glance it is not always possible to determine whether the Hero is in front of us or not. But from the second it becomes clear, and the litmus test is those emotions that he experiences in the background and whether he “hangs” in his topics or moves.
Rest, awareness and acceptance of the result of his actions occurs when the Hero transforms into Philosopher-Don't-Give-A-Kind. This is the polarity of the Controller from the “minus 1” triangle. The Controller prescribes, pursues, monitors implementation, the Philosopher-Career accepts ALL the actions of the Hero, all his results.
Moreover, it should be taken into account that not all of the Hero’s exploits in the surrounding World will be successful. In his irrepressible enthusiasm he hurts the world and gets hurt by it, sometimes quite painfully - emotionally and physically. He can get so “stupid” in the excitement of discovering his capabilities that his entire habitual habitat will be forced to creak and rearrange itself. Therefore, without a philosophical and indifferent attitude towards your results, there is no way.
The philosopher, being calm, slow, observing from the outside, is confident that everything that happens to him is for the better. We didn’t get the result, but gained experience, which is sometimes more important. Here the attitude towards the Ego is transformed. The understanding comes that the Ego with its desires - “eat deliciously, sleep sweetly and live in such a way as to arouse the envy of others”, must be transformed along the path of development. And the fact that this path is thorny and bumpy is normal. The ego may suffer greatly in the process - this is also normal.
The Philosopher-Don't-Give-A-Kind accepts the suffering of his Ego, and this allows him to accept himself. Even if everyone around says "ugh, what have you done?”, its adoption is consistent with the principle: “ if I did it, it means I needed it, and it’s none of your business.”.
Not caring can be internal, unnoticed, or it can be displayed and be additional source individual pride. This is if his Hero has a lot of protest teenage energy. And the presence of demonstrativeness can say a lot about his inner maturity. The more one wants to argue with the World for the sake of the energy of argument itself, the less mature a person is.
A mature Hero performs his exploits not against someone (mother, boss, government, etc.), but because he himself wants to. His desires may coincide with the desires of society, or they may go against him. Others are less of a criterion for him, the higher he stands on the ladder of evolution.
Function Philosopher in this subpersonality - analyze and draw conclusions. If the Hero does something and fails, the Philosopher analyzes his actions " what is good, what is bad, what can we do to make tomorrow better?" And if the Hero is still interested in this topic, he can repeat his action, taking into account the conclusions drawn. Or maybe not repeat it if it’s no longer interesting. It depends on the degree of his stubbornness and on whether the next achievement lies on the path that his Soul has outlined. If the necessary experience has been extracted and comprehended, then you can move on.
The third subpersonality, which is the center of ideas in this triangle, is - Provocateur (Motivator). (He is the polarity of the Rescuer).
If the Philosopher-Career sees the picture as a whole, and as if from above, then the Provocateur is constantly in search of a vector. As if looking for a target in the World. Aims the sight, choosing a suitable object for the Hero’s self-expression. And when he finds it, he pays close attention to it. He can also be called a Motivator, because he not only encourages the Hero in the style of “ Weak?" but it also shows what wonderful prospects will open up before him if the feat is accomplished, what laurels he can cover his head with, what honor awaits him.
The provocateur does not analyze and take into account his capabilities; this is the business of the Philosopher and the Hero himself. His job is to give direction. This is the most restless subpersonality of all three, because sometimes it does not allow the Hero to concentrate on one thing and complete his plan. The Provocateur has a lot of childish curiosity and excitement, he is very active and chaotic. His favorite question is " What happens if…?"
Unlike the “-1st” triangle, where the Victim can hardly resist the Controller, the Hero has a lot of freedom. He can always refuse the Provocateur's offer, or postpone it. If the person is mature enough, then the Hero does not rush at the first call. He first answers the question " What happens if…?" and, as far as he can, simulates the future situation, realizing what difficulties he will have to face along the way. He prepares carefully, and then his actions have a greater chance of success. With each successive experience he moves higher up the evolutionary ladder.
The provocateur is always in a state of scanning the World, he is looking for hitherto unexplored areas, and asks “ How is it that we weren’t there yet? It could be interesting there!” and it's always about expansion, development, and knowledge.
However, it should be understood that development rarely goes both breadth and depth at the same time. . Therefore, this stage is not yet an adult, it is an active, healthy teenager. His task is to go wider, studying himself, his capabilities and the World in which he can manifest himself. Moreover, his emphasis is on himself, and for this stage this is completely normal. It’s too early to talk about attention to the World (including the people around you). But his emotions and general state has already changed significantly compared to the “minus first” triangles - towards fulfillment and happiness.
Most people on planet Earth, alas, are in the “minus first” triangle. That's why Heroes, Provocateurs and Don't Give a Fucks are in short supply. And no matter how selfish they may seem, it is a much healthier energy. A person who is firmly established in the “plus first” triangle never stops, and his life will always be interesting.
In the body, tension rhythmically alternates with relaxation, and since there are much fewer suppressed emotions (ideally, almost none at all, all are immediately actualized), there is no need to get sick. Yes, there can be troubles with the body, but this is more likely due to careless handling - injuries, hypothermia, overheating, overwork and other side effects of “exploits”.
Masculine and feminine energies
In the “plus first” triangle one can trace the manifestation in subpersonalities of masculine and feminine energies. And unlike the “minus first”, they are not strictly assigned to subpersonalities.
In “minus first” (for comparison) the situation is like this:
Controller, even if it is a wife or mother, this is male (acting, limiting, directing and punishing energy).
Victim– (submission, patience, following directions) – female, even if it is a husband or son.
Rescuer can act in two guises - male, if for the sake of salvation they are committed active actions. Or female - if the Rescuer takes pity and sympathizes, surrounding her with his attention, but doing nothing else.
Heroin the “plus first” triangle, manifesting as a man, he performs feats of action:“If I do this, how will the World change, how will I change? What will I be able to afford as a result of my action?”
Female hypostasis Hero is a feat of acceptance.
« If I find myself in an unfamiliar space, how can I survive there? Adapt? Settle in? And the most main question, showing how well the process went: “ Will I be able to be happy (happy) in these new circumstances?
If an individual has harmoniously developed both subpersonalities - anima (female part of the Soul) and animus (male part of the Soul), then he has a chance to GET where he strives and ACCEPT what will happen both along the way and as a result.
Philosopher-Don't-Give-A-Kind: the female part of the Soul has the task of ACCEPTING the consequences of one’s actions, without guilt, regrets or blaming oneself, including the change in the World under the influence of the Hero’s achievements.
And the male part is to analyze mistakes, draw conclusions, “package” the experience so that it is convenient to use it further. So that it becomes a platform for further changes and growth.
Male part Provocateur speaks: " Do It!"
The female part of the Provocateur says “ Feel it!” or " Is it hard to feel it?
If only the male parts of the personality are developed , the individual will forever strive somewhere, excitedly climbing from step to step. Without giving oneself the opportunity to “get used to it and settle down”, to master the conquered space is precisely a female function. If only the female parts are actualized, he will lead an active inner life, carefully feeling all its aspects. But there will be no visible movement forward.
However, for a person in the “plus first” triangle, such a path is hardly possible; this is meditation, and his energies are not so balanced as to remain motionless. Dali is his name, the world spreads out before his feet, he wants to walk through it, comb it with his feet up and down. No time for meditation!
Why Hero– the opposite of Victim – and the first step on the ladder of Evolution?
Here it is useful to turn to history and mythology. Heroes- children of Gods and mortal people. Their path and task is to accomplish feats. Their the main objective- become Gods. And some of them (by Greek mythology) The gods raised him to Olympus. What does this mean in modern reading?
A person is born and his task is to become God. To do this, he must first become a Hero, that is, one WHO RESPONSES TO THE CHALLENGES OF DESTINY. He may be lucky if he is persistent, courageous and attentive. That is, he will demand those qualities that will help him be impeccable enough to achieve his goal. Who always achieves the goal? Who makes no mistakes and hits without missing? “He does it like God” - THERE IS SUCH A HUMAN saying. Only GOD makes no mistakes and ALWAYS achieves success. That is, the Hero strives to become God, to become like his parents - not people, but GODS - Archetypes. That is, the BEST examples of people.
The transitional stage between Victim and Hero is the stage Adventurer. He responds to the challenges of fate much more willingly than the Victim. And he has many of the signs of a hero - courage, bravery, the ability to survive hardships and draw conclusions, so it is very easy to confuse him with a Hero. But there is one significant difference between them.
The adventurer relies on luck, the Hero relies on himself. Therefore, victory for the Adventurer is an accident or the result of a cunning scam; he likes to work less and get more. Take more than give. He firmly believes in luck, which unexpectedly falls on one’s head and considers it his task to catch it by the tail. He suspects an adequate exchange of energy, but believes that this is for suckers. Or (at a higher level) - for the prudent, honest, neat, to whom he does not consider himself, although he secretly respects and envies.
The adventurer tries to swim in the waters where large fish live, at the risk of being eaten by them. But he understands perfectly well that the main resources are there, and with some dexterity he can get a substantial jackpot. In addition, there is always something to learn from large-scale figures.
Woman adventurer is a high-flying courtesan who ruins her lovers without caring what she will give them in return.
The life of adventurers is full of adventures, they live in their own world and do not enjoy the respect of either Heroes, much less Winners. The victims don’t like them either, but it’s more out of envy. But adventurers have a lot of charm. It is by speculating on it at this stage that you can last your whole life, become a prototype literary hero(Ostap Bender), and even go down in history as Count Cagliostro. But for internal development, it is better to quickly abandon the philosophy of luck and free cheese and understand that no one has canceled the honest exchange of energy with the environment. And in the end it is much more reliable.
People living in the following triangle are mature adults. And these are those who have 90% of the resources, although there are no more than 10% of such people in the World. This is the “+2nd” triangle.
Winner-Contemplator-Strategist
The Hero from the “+1st” triangle is transformed into a Winner, a Philosopher-Don’t-Give-A-Kind into a Contemplator, a Provocateur into a Strategist.
Basic emotions Winner- inspiration and enthusiasm.
Basic emotion Contemplator- goodness, peace. And only at this stage can a person meditate, finally freeing himself from internal dialogue. No additional effort is needed for this - it stops by itself, because at this stage of development there is no longer anything to worry about. In the World of Winners there is order, nothing can be improved in it, everything is already good. But there is a lot of energy here, and it does not stand still for long. The Contemplator gives birth to an idea (it is in the Contemplator that the center of ideas in this last triangle) and sends it to the Strategist.
Strategist feels joy from the fact that there is such wonderful entertainment - thinking about an interesting project, satisfaction with himself (when he comes up with it). Joy, pleasure, inspiration are his basic emotions.
In the “plus second” triangle, a person creates out of generosity, there is no place for lack and economy, and the fear that follows from them. In the environment where the Winners live, the World is beautiful, but not stopped. It is developing, and the Winner’s task is to be an active development factor.
U Winner usually several directions of implementation: “ Talented man talented in everything" - this is about him. But this does not happen because the Winner does not want to put his eggs in one basket (this is the philosophy of the Hero with the remnants of the Controller’s fear from the “-1st” triangle).
In the worlds of the Winners, there are and always will be enough eggs; they grow on trees and lie underfoot in the Garden of Eden. The desire to create comes from the desire to play. This is the nurtured and cherished desire of the Child who came into the World to become God for his World.
He has no need to criticize and condemn himself.
He has already studied himself and the surrounding space.
ABOUTHe knows it like a child knows his set of blocks.
He figures out what to build from them and creates new structures out of enthusiasm. “What else can be done here?” Rejoices in the process and admires the results.
The male hypostasis of the Winner is action and creation of the New.
The female hypostasis is the same, but in the inner world. Winner female type(not necessarily female!) - this is a Wizard, Mage. He does not need to act in the external world, he creates the New in the internal, and it materializes. How and why? Much has been written about this, but this can only be understood in practice, and only at the level of Winners. For them the formula “In order to get something, all I have to do is WANT” It’s not at all magical, it’s quite everyday. This is how they live.
The winner enjoys the creative process, both internal and external. Enjoyment of life, the movement of energy, the wonderful fact that a person is truly the Center and Creator of his World is the main pathos of this level.
By the way, the Winner is not necessarily an oligarch. He can be quite modest in everyday life. It's not about the amount of resources, but about the true understanding that there is ALWAYS ENOUGH. If something is needed, it materializes - the necessary chains of events are built, necessary people they appear and offer help. From the outside it looks mystical, but inside their lives the Winners treat this as a normal, ordinary phenomenon.
Contemplator– female subpersonality. She accepts the World, is fertilized by it and gives birth to ideas.
Strategist- male subpersonality. He directs, develops a plan, indicates where to get the necessary resources.
At this level, tension is dosed and regulated instinctively. There is no need to get sick if a particular individual fully corresponds to the archetype, that is, there are no unresolved themes from the past.
In reality, this is, of course, not always the case. Lucky and realized person in creativity or business it can “sag” in relationships, or vice versa.
For example, a Winner may fall in love with an “unsuitable” woman, and if everything is not in balance with his relationship, then his instinct will let him down - this woman will be a Victim. He can begin to “save” and “educate” her, trying to bring her up to his level. And...automatically falls into the “-1st triangle”, where yesterday’s Victim begins to “build” it, actively demanding further signs of attention to itself. If he accepts this (because “Lubof-f!!!”), then he himself turns into a Victim, and yesterday’s Victim turns into a Persecutor-Controller. This is what is popularly called “Sit on your head and dangle your legs.”
Another example from the life of the Winner, who did not work out his hungry childhood. Having gained access to enormous resources (becoming, for example, the president of the country), he will begin to “row for himself”; suppressed fear does not allow him to stop in this process and begin to work for the good of society. Such a plot, of course, ends sadly. Sooner or later, the pyramid, under which they are digging from one end, collapses. The winner becomes the Victim, forced to shamefully flee the country, and the people who were in the position of the Victim become the Persecutor.
The most important question is “What is the difference between a Hero and a Winner? How can you move to the next level, so coveted by many?”
The hero is busy with himself - your adventures and your reactions. The world for him is a horizontal bar on which he studies his capabilities and pumps up weak functions. The hero is fixated on himself, although outwardly he may look friendly and loving. But he is a cocoon from which he will be ready to emerge realized being when ready for it. Of course, he can spend his whole life preparing and in the end never be born. Or maybe he will be born and bring peace new theory, explaining how everything works here; or a new way of communication; or a well-functioning energy production system, or something else.
What is this – a Realized Being?
This is the essence that CREATES, creates the World.
The main difference between a Winner and a Hero is Creation, changing the World.
Not out of desire:
Save,
Boast of,
Get rich,
Have fun,
Entertain others (and get their attention)…
...out of the desire to Create. That is, to do something that has not been done before. This is the quality of God manifested in man. Do it to Do it. Feedback from people is not particularly interesting.
You can give it, or you can remain silent. A winner does something to materialize his energy, and not to be admired by others.
Admiration-approval - Feedback the Hero needs. The winner himself knows that what he did is good. Because he can't do anything bad. His female subpersonality is in total acceptance - “everything that happens is good” and other people's criticism cannot shake her.
At the level of the Winner, the female and male subpersonalities (anima and animus) are in Sacred Marriage. The Inner Woman relies on the actions of the Man and admires them. Inner Man feeds on the admiration of the inner Woman. And even if the whole World is against it, he totally approves of himself and can sincerely not notice the condemnation of others (unlike the Hero and the Philosopher-Don’t Care, in whom there is a large share of demonstrativeness: “ You don’t love me, but I don’t care!”)
The winner in this sense is closed on himself, and is so autonomous that it is able to support itself.
And, of course, according to the principle of similarity, those men and women in the outer World who reflect their animus or anima are attracted to the Winners. Therefore, relationships in the “plus second” triangle are much happier than those of others. And not at all because they “buy love,” as it seems to those who look from below from the Victim or even from the Hero. Their personal mirror reflects what is - HAPPINESS in acceptance and fulfillment.
A woman in the state of the Winner can lay claim to any man. The winner will see his own in her, and the Hero will be flattered. The victim will generally faint from happiness.
A man in the state of the Winner can also approach every woman in this World, and it’s hard to refuse him. The instinct in this phase is so developed that you don’t want to get close to those with whom it will be bad. Therefore, every shot is on target. And this is not about hunting and trophies.
Winner and Winner– The King and Queen, in whose state everything is in order. The people prosper, the economy prospers, and there is always room for heroism for Heroes. And if they have worked out all the topics, then both of them do not move down from their personal Olympus.
Winner-Hero– the couple is less stable. The winner will always look at the Hero with some appreciation. The hero will perform feats (because this is his stage, it needs to be completed!) in honor of his beloved half. But a feat is a feat that can end in failure. And the Hero will fly head over heels from Olympus. Or the Winner will take a step down and begin to walk his female path as a Hero, ACCEPTING the failure of his chosen one.
Winner-Victim- the couple is not viable. If the Winner is a man and the Victim is a woman, then this is the archetype of a slave who was taken into the mansion for her beauty. Her task is to go through the female Path of the Hero, accepting EVERYTHING in her Winner, including his betrayals, rudeness, aggression and other trends of his emotional states. If at some point she “catch a star”, feeling her power, she can begin to “build” her man and give him a “sad face” or an open scandal, signaling that she lacks attention, a mink coat, a trip to the resort, sex or guarantees. He can wait for a while until his feelings cool down. Then the couple will break up.
The script favored by TV shows won't work. Alas! Two nearby levels can still agree, but it’s hard to jump across the level.
Almost impossible.
The karma (the Victim) must have too good, or too bad (the Winner) to equalize and continue to be happy.
By the way! We mean that in our earthly conditions, the equation occurs most often due to a stronger. That is, it becomes less strong, and not vice versa. Gravity also acts in spiritual processes, so it is easier to slide down than to rise. The second question is that the stronger one in the pair (Winner or Hero) will still come to their senses sooner or later and learn lessons from their falls much sooner than their Victim partner does.
It is interesting to analyze the tale of Cinderella from this point of view. She is so attractive to Victims because they see in her hope for themselves. From maid to princess. Cool!
In fact, they understand the fairy tale incorrectly, because Cinderella was not a Victim at all. She went through her female version of the Hero's Path, fulfilling all the orders of her stepmother, responsibly and, most importantly, resignedly. For her, her stepmother was not a Persecutor-Controller, but a Provocateur, motivating her to learn and acquire new qualities. When the Path was completed (Cinderella passed the tests and gained the necessary experience), assistants appeared (fairy godmother) who helped her move to the Winner level and become a princess. The fairy also acted as a Provocateur, inviting her to break the order established by her stepmother, and Cinderella agreed to take a risk (male heroism is an act).
If Cinderella really was a Victim, then instead of quickly and efficiently completing tasks, she would spend a huge amount of energy on resistance, dissatisfaction and complaints, and a Rescuer would come to her aid (for example, the same fairy or the prince himself) . The Rescuer always demands a reward and transforms into the Controller. The fairy could force Cinderella to “serve” her out of gratitude and would turn into the same stepmother. And the prince would put her in a golden cage. And that would be a completely different fairy tale...
Female Winner and Male Victim- all the same. But in society they are less tolerant of this, and the man is called a gigolo. If a man is a Hero who achieves the love of his lady (the Winner), then this is a knight who performs feats. And this is a completely different matter, this archetype is approved by society, and rightly so. He can even become a Winner against the backdrop of his achievements and in the rays of her love. Such cases are known.
In paired relationships, the law is inexorable: in the “-1st triangle” there is suffering. In the top two - different things, but HAPPINESS. If a character from the lower triangle appears in a couple, this is the path of conflict. It is clear that the characters in the play need conflict; this is their Hero’s Path. If the Winner meets a slave and falls in love with her, and then she begins to be mischievous: “ Why didn't you knock out the carpet or why were you late at work?“, then he is very tempted to either start accepting it (the female Path of the Hero), or get rid of her like an annoying fly. And every time this is a solution and a very specific vector of development. There are no ready answers here, because we are all different, and we need different things. It should be remembered that the Winner may also have his own “shortcomings” - lessons that he did not learn in his time as a Hero. And in this place, Life will always provoke him until he works out the block that interferes with the flow of energies.
Interpersonal relationships between partners, when they are from different triangles, are built according to the same laws as love-personal ones. In order for partners (friends, employees) to be comfortable with each other, they must coincide according to the principle of similarity (complementarity) of energies.
Who is complimentary to the Victim? Another Victim, Rescuer or even Controller. They will always find something to talk about, and they will understand each other perfectly. Each time it will be a different dialogue in terms of emotional coloring, but they will speak the same language.
But it will be more difficult for the Hero and the Victim. Imagine for example:
Victim: " Everything is bad, my life is so hard!»
Hero: " Everything can be changed, you just need to pull yourself together and stop whining and complaining».
The Hero talks about what he does, and it works for him, he shares sincerely, but the Victim can see the energy of the Controller in him, get offended and stop the dialogue.
If it continues, you can hear, for example, the following remarks:
Hero (continuing): “ Go to the gym, you will have more energy, you will feel better».
Victim: " What are you talking about? I don’t even have enough money for what I need, what kind of gym is there?”
Then the Hero can fall into the Rescuer’s shoes and offer to lend him money for at least the first month of classes. This is a bad option, because the Victim will not give the money back, and it is doubtful that he will use it for its intended purpose. And if the debt is repaid, it will be without much gratitude, which is what the Rescuer always counts on. All this is unlikely to strengthen their friendship.
The hero can, while remaining in his triangle, turn on the Philosopher-I-Don’t-Give-A-Kind and say something like: “ Yes, it’s hard, but you still have to get out somehow, right?” And in this case, he gives the Victim the opportunity to decide for himself what to do, treats his friend as an adult, with respect and faith in his strength. However, from the outside it may look like indifference.
There is another subpersonality that the Hero can use to communicate with the Victim. This is the Provocateur. What can the Provocateur answer in response to the Victim’s complaints? For example, something like: " Yes, old man, your life is such that I don’t see any other option - just hang yourself."...ironically will tell you where to get a good and strong rope that will not let you down at a crucial moment. And this, of course, can greatly hurt the Victim, but strangely enough, it is almost the only way remove a person from the Karpman triangle. The provocateur rudely but honestly conveys to the interlocutor: “ either die or change your life».
It is difficult, almost unbearable, for the Victim to communicate with the Hero if he does not fall in line with the Rescuer. And the Hero is not interested in the Victim. He is burdened by communication, where talking about his successes only upsets the Victim even more (and she obviously will not be happy for her friend!). And listening to her complaints is boring and pointless.
Out of love for humanity, the Hero can continue this communication (especially if it is a long-term friendship). But there will be success and benefit for both only if the Victim voluntarily recognizes his teacher in the Hero. And, using his advice, he will begin to climb at his own pace towards a bright future.
The same is true for Winners and Heroes. Either the Hero learns from the Winner and considers this communication an honor for himself, or it is doomed. Even if the Winner and the Hero once sat at the same desk.
Is it possible to be born a winner??
No you can not. Even if a person was born into a family of Winners, he still must go through his Hero’s Path. Trying to immediately jump onto the throne is like being a 3-year-old child and waking up at the age of 20. Impossible. There's too much to learn, and the gap here is huge. No one will do his work for a person except him.
However, in a family of Winners, a child has many chances to also become a Winner, because parents will not suppress his energy and initiative. They have enough resources (mental and physical) to give him tasks that will quickly raise him to higher levels. high level. They will also not claim his “loyalty” family values, they don't need it. They value their freedom highly, so they are ready to give it to others.
Is it possible not to become a Victim?
In order to answer this question, we also need to describe the ZERO triangle.
Level zero is found in young children and a very small number of adults who neither fell into the Victim nor dared to become the Hero. It looks like this:
Impulse-Activity-Evaluation
At this level, the Ego has not yet formed, so the names are formulated as qualities, not as personalities (Not the Doer, but the Action).
Energy comes from Impulse A Action, A Grade results are only being formed as thinking is being formed.
And at the tender age of up to 3 years, the child lives in a pristine paradise and does not yet know how to divide the World into “good” and “bad.” Any impulse, without passing censorship, is immediately translated into action. Emotions flow freely and there is no suppressed energy in the body. There is no time to think for a long time about the results of your actions, and there is nothing to do, conceptual apparatus not formed. Therefore, the child easily changes the direction of movement and action: from a butterfly - to a cube - to a car - to mom - to an apple, etc.
If he falls, gets pricked, gets burned and receives other slaps from the environment, heGradeit remembers and puts a tick on dangerous place, to mark where you shouldn’t climb in the future. This is how the initial set of experience occurs - the primary study of life. According to some data, during this period a person receives 90% of all knowledge about the World in which he will live.
During this period, parents (educators) provide the child with conditions for survival and growth (this is ideal). Their task is not to take over the role of Assessment, which will make it impossible for the child to receive his own experience. If they make decisions for him and directively report this: “ don’t climb, you’ll fall!.. don’t drink, you’ll get a cold in your throat... chew well, otherwise you’ll choke...” and so on, then they form a fear of life in him, which subsequently leads to the fact that the Zero level develops not into “+”, but into “-” and the formation of the Controller.
Suppression of the child's free activity during this period, and further - after 3 years, when he begins to master more complex actions, imitating adults, forms the Victim.
If upbringing is correct, then the child, as a self-organizing system, will behave from one experience to another. The man is walking in “+” and begins his Hero’s Path, gradually complicating the tasks he has to deal with. And he has every chance to reach his full potential by the age of his prime (30-40 years).
Karpman's first triangle is like a virus that is passed on from generation to generation when yesterday's children, raising their children, repeat the same mistakes: limiting, controlling and manipulating.
Intuition
Intuition in the Karpman triangle (at the “-1” level) is very bad. The individual takes for " epiphanies» voices of their own internal fears(that is, Controllers, Pursuers, Rescuers). Intuition here is more of a design negative situations, whipping up fears or laying straws. The goal of a person at this level is SURVIVAL, which means total defense. He clings hysterically to his boundaries, his intuition serves this.
At the Hero level this is already better. The more accurate the signals are, the better the subpersonalities of the triangle are developed.. In each of them, intuition plays its role, making it possible to go towards the goal the best way. By the way, in the case of the Hero, “the best” is not necessarily the most comfortable. On the contrary, the best one is the one with more experience, which means it definitely won’t be comfortable. After all, the goal of the Hero is KNOWLEDGE of himself and the World.
The Winner has excellent intuition, he knows exactly what to do and when, trusts himself and rarely makes mistakes. “I feel it with my liver” doesn’t let me down. The strategic goal here is CREATIVITY, which comes not from a desire to make life easier for oneself, but from an excess of energy.
Firm in 1st triangle: tough boss (Controller-Persecutor), subordinates – Victims, trade union committee – Rescuer. The company (or organization) is performing poorly and has few resources. When the boss (Controller) disappears from sight, subordinates stop working or work poorly, without spark.
Firm in 2nd triangle: The hero is at the head, Heroes are the heads of departments. Fierce competition inside and outside. The victims work in the lowest positions, and until they reach
"1st" triangle, have no chance to advance.
Firm in the 3rd triangle: The winner is the owner of the company, the characters from the 2nd triangle are in key positions. For example, the Hero is the production manager, the Provocateur is the creative director. Philosophers (almost without any admixture of Pofigists) – analysts, personnel department, accounting department. The Winner can also use victims and controllers. The controllers are safety and security, and the Victims, as always, are in the dirtiest and lowest paid jobs.
For diagnostics It’s worth scanning your immediate environment – who’s there? (work, family, friends) If you are Victims, Controllers and Rescuers, you are probably not living a very happy life and it is time to do something with your life. Even if it seems to you that you are a cut above, your environment always reflects you and no one else.
If Heroes, Don’t Care and Provocateurs are interesting and difficult for you, your life is full of challenges and drive... But Winners don’t read such articles, they’re already in trouble!
And finally, the last level, which cannot be ignored. This Sage (Enlightened).
At this level there are no longer subpersonalities with division of functions. Because there are no goals of existence. Existence itself is a goal. The sage merges with the World, feeling its perfection, because at this level there is no longer the concept of “good” and “bad”; accordingly, there is no desire to move from one to the other.
He may, of course, be busy with something external activities, and from the outside he will seem like a Hero to the Heroes, and a Victim to the Victims. In fact, inside his consciousness there is complete calm and goodness. His presence makes everyone feel good; he influences the state of the World in which he lives and other people who happen to be nearby.
Sages-Enlightened Ones(there are few of them, unfortunately) become known, even if they do nothing about it. The light they spread attracts other people, and they are drawn to bask and receive grace simply by being nearby.
This is a person who has been fully realized, who has accepted and demonstrated his Divine essence. A sage can change the World without lifting a finger - only by changing his inner state. But most often he does not interfere in the course of events, because he sees the perfection of the World, which others do not see.
There is no need to rush there, and it won’t work. This state comes by itself, as a natural stage, or never comes. There is a version that “we will all be there” not in this life but in the next. And each of us has our own pace.
Directions of movement at different stages
Karpman triangle– movement towards the lesser evil “from bad to less bad”;
Zero level– the movement is chaotic and still without judgment. The goal is unconscious, but it is there - a set of experience;
Hero's Triangle - movement “from bad to good”;
Winner's Triangle– movement “from good to better”
Sage– there is no need to move, THERE IS A STATE OF BLESSED PEACE, the individual comes to the Zero (non-judgmental) level, but consciously.
Good luck climbing the ladder of evolution! published
Join us on
Greetings to my regular and new readers! Gentlemen, we all live among people and most of us do not suspect that we are in the “triangle of fate”. Find out what it is and how to get out of the Karpman triangle in this article.
What is Karpman's triangle
This is the “triangle of fate” - psychological and social model interactions between people, first described by Stephen Karpman in 1968. It is widely used in psychology and is a common model of relationships, far from mutual understanding, with codependent relationships.
Stephen Karpman (briefly)
Stephen is a psychotherapist, student of Eric Berne and son of a student. Born in Washington. Graduated from Duke University and medical school. Travels a lot around the world. In addition to psychotherapy, he enjoys painting, magic, sports, acting skills. He starred in supporting roles in Hollywood films.
Karpman Triangle: roles
What is the essence of codependent relationships? Three, four, or even people can take part in a codependent relationship. large quantity of people. Nevertheless, psychological models There are only three behaviors in this case:
- Victim,
- Aggressor,
- Savior.
Victim
The ultimate goal the injured party is not saved, but vengeance. At the same time, when the Savior tries to take revenge for the Victim, the balance of roles changes dramatically. The Aggressor turns into a Victim, the Victim into a Savior. And the initial defender turns out to be the “extreme”, that is, the Aggressor.
Changing roles in the Karpman triangle
With the help of this interaction of roles, a temporary truce arises between the Victim and the Aggressor. What to do to get out of the role:
- Spend your time not searching for the Savior, but self-improvement situations;
- Understand that other people are not responsible for solving your personal problems;
- Take full responsibility for your choices and your actions;
- Learn not to set the Savior against the Aggressor.
Aggressor
The tyrant in this triangle becomes a person who has been repeatedly subjected to psychological pressure from the side of the Victim and her Savior. This role is characterized by inadequate expression of aggression. What to do to get out of the role:
- Learn to distinguish between an attempt at dialogue and own desire vent anger;
- Realize that everyone can make mistakes, including you;
- Don't look for people to blame for your problems;
- Understand that other people may not fully conform to your idea of what is normal and right.
Savior
Friends and close relatives often play this role. It is dangerous because the habit of “saving” becomes firmly entrenched in a person’s character. Due to this habit, he loses adequacy in this matter, trying to help everyone around him. Of course, the results are very disastrous.
What to do to get out of the role:
- Do not impose your help and advice on those who do not ask for it;
- You shouldn’t assume that you know better than others how to live;
- Stop expecting everyone around you to be grateful to you;
- Don't make promises you can't keep.
Finding a way out
Leaving a codependent relationship is not easy, and sometimes it leads to complete destruction of the relationship. In the event that the partner does not agree to leave the triangle. However, if you recognize a problem, you should immediately take action to solve it. Otherwise, sooner or later the relationship will fall apart anyway, without bringing family happiness.
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