Probably every person, even the most sociable, experiences from time to time communication difficulties with new people or even old acquaintances. How to deal with these difficulties and not let them spoil your pleasure from communication?
Communication experts divide communication difficulties into two groups:. The first group is subjective; they are experienced by one of the interlocutors, but are not always obvious to the other and may not appear in a specific communication situation. The second group is objective; they manifest themselves in a specific communication situation, are obvious to both interlocutors and prevent them from achieving their goals, leaving a feeling of dissatisfaction with communication.
Example subjective problem in communication is shyness. A to objective difficulties These include difficulties that are associated with the level of communicative literacy of one or both interlocutors.
Difficulties in communication may be caused by four main groups of reasons. These include:
- inadequate assessment of a communication partner;
- inadequate self-esteem;
- using methods of communication that are inappropriate for the given situation;
- setting unrealistic communication goals.
Difficulties caused by the first two groups of reasons are most often subjective, while the second group of reasons usually leads to difficulties of an objective nature.
How to solve communication problems? Solving any problem begins with identifying its causes.. You need to understand what exactly is causing your communication difficulties, and only then fight them - if it is within your power. You can deal with problems for which you or both of you are personally responsible, but if the problems are caused by the behavior of the other interlocutor, there is little you can do unless he himself is willing to meet you halfway.
It is very difficult to give universal advice to those who want to cope with communication difficulties. The list of problems that arise during communication and their causes is very long., each of the problems can be devoted to a separate article. Some people find it difficult to communicate normally, while others find it difficult to talk too much. Some people do not know how to briefly and clearly formulate their thoughts, while others are bad at listening and hearing their interlocutor. Each of these problems must be dealt with in its own way.
Generally speaking, in order to avoid most communication difficulties, you need to develop your own. Communication is not easy mutual exchange phrases; Very great importance has a non-verbal component of communication - not what the interlocutors say, but how they say it. Posture, gestures, facial expressions, intonation - all this has a great influence on the outcome of communication.
Communication difficulties often arise because one or both interlocutors neglect elementary, starting with the choice of topic of conversation and literacy and purity of speech. These rules seem to be taken for granted, and that is why they are often forgotten.
To prevent barriers to communication, it is important to remember that communication involves at least two people, and the success of communication depends on all interlocutors. Successful communication is based on respect for communication partners- this is the most important thing you need to remember.
The tips listed above relate mainly to objective difficulties. Subjective problems in communication, as we have already said, everyone has their own, therefore the approach to solving them should be individual. If you can't handle your problems on your own, don't be afraid to turn to a specialist: the ability to ask for help is not at all a sign of weakness, as many people think. In order to realize your problem and take on its solution, you need considerable courage.
anonymously
Hello. I don't know how to communicate with people. When spending leisure time with friends, I almost never engage in conversations and mostly just stay nearby, laughing at their jokes, but nothing more. Even when people turn to me, I limit myself more or less in short phrases. This happens on a subconscious level. The most interesting thing is that even on the Internet, I always have problems reading. I just have nothing to say to people. When I am asked to tell something, I say that I have nothing to tell, and at this point the conversation is interrupted until the moment the interlocutor starts new topic. I began to notice this problem quite recently, but it is already causing me a lot of inconvenience. I don't want her to haunt me for the rest of my life. Please tell me what my problem could be and how I can overcome it.
“What could be my problem and how can I overcome it...” It seems to me that you are expecting a “miracle” from a psychotherapist - without knowing anything about you or yours personal history- how you grew, developed, studied at school, interacted with other people - give a clear description of what is happening to you and set the direction for change. One can only cautiously assume that due to the fact that communication skills with other people are developed in interaction with “significant others” from childhood, from the past (usually we are talking about parents) - and probably in your upbringing - “something went wrong” not this way". I recommend trying to read the book “The Drama of a Gifted Child”, it is on my website in the “books” section. And the way out similar situation- work with a “human relations specialist” - with a psychologist, either individually or in a format group psychotherapy, try to find such an opportunity where you live. P.Yu.
Consultation with a psychotherapist on the topic “Difficulties in communicating with people” is given for informational purposes only. Based on the results of the consultation received, please consult a doctor, including to identify possible contraindications.
About the consultant
Details
Education: Institute diploma practical psychology and psychoanalysis (consulting psychologist), retraining in medical psychology, certificate clinical psychologist, was trained in sexual therapy for married couples within the framework of the programs of Ken Reisch - head of the Psychoanalytic Institute of Couples and Families of New England (USA), Jill and David Scharff - founders of marital and family therapy object relations, a program for sexual therapy for married couples within the framework of systemic family psychotherapy.
Training in systemic family psychotherapy, psychoanalytic psychotherapy with children and adolescents within the framework of family counseling. Group analysis training.
I have several years of experience working in a therapeutic community on the basis of an IPA day hospital with patients with psychiatric diagnoses. I work at the Psychological Center on Belorusskaya and at the Institute of Psychology and Psychoanalysis on Chistye Prudy.
Sphere professional interests: psychotherapy and psychological counseling, work with children, adults, couples, problems in sexual interaction, group psychotherapy.
Difficulties in communication arise for many people completely various reasons, which can be combined into 4 large groups: misunderstanding, fears, disgust and problem of interest. In this article we will look at them in detail.
Misunderstandings and difficulties in communication
Misunderstanding is the most large group problems that cause difficulties in communication. If there is a misunderstanding, people simply cannot establish contact, which is why the algorithms by which people build a conversation begin to fail. To continue communication in such a situation requires too much effort and if the person does not have enough strong motivation continue contact, it is easier for him to interrupt it.
Misunderstanding of the communication model
We all know that in different situations you need to communicate differently. We communicate with our boss in one way, with subordinates in another, with loved ones in another, and so on.
It's something like a key. Sometimes people confuse such “keys” and begin to communicate with loved ones as if they were subordinates, with their boss as if they were close ones, and with subordinates it’s also somehow wrong.
This can manifest itself in high expectations from people. When a person begins to demand something that, being in his position, he has no right to demand.
Or, on the contrary, instead of rigid and formal relationships, he begins to behave in a familiar manner or begins to share personal things with those with whom this is not expected.
In such a situation, people instantly pick up on the discrepancy. At first they look at the person with bewilderment (is he sick?), and then they write him down as a fool, sometimes forever.
Lack of understanding of formal and informal rules
In every team, in every social stratum, there are many rules. Some are written down and communicated to everyone without fail, and some rules are unspoken. It is not welcome when someone breaks any rules, even if they are not written down anywhere.
If the rules are broken, other people begin to feel some hostility. Why is this happening? The fact is that rules are one of the factors that determine who is inside and who is alien.
If a person violates some important norm, then other people immediately understand: “He is not our circle,” “Savage,” “ Random person”, “Some kind of strange” and so on.
The rules should be taken very carefully.
Misunderstanding of nonverbal signs and hints
It's completely normal that different people like to communicate in different topics. Accordingly, the topic of conversation may cause a negative reaction in someone. However, it is usually not customary to openly inform a person that the topic is inappropriate. In this case, people usually begin to hint that it is time to talk about something else.
Unfortunately, many people are so caught up in themselves that they don't notice these signs. In this case, communication is interrupted. It’s good if only this time, but sometimes a person is forever labeled a fool and further communication becomes impossible.
Therefore, you should always focus on the interlocutor, and not on yourself.
Misunderstanding of emotions
Quite often it happens that the same topic evokes different emotions in people. And that's okay. Normally, a person instantly reads other people’s emotions, but for various reasons this may not happen.
In this case, a real disaster could occur. For example, I once watched a picture of one girl telling another anecdote about the maternity ward, filled with black humor. However, she did not know that another woman had recently experienced a similar tragedy. Everyone around hinted at her in every possible way to stop, but she did not notice any hints or emotions of the other woman. At the end she also laughed out loud. Need I say that they had no further communication?
Misunderstanding of language
Everyone understands that communication between people speaking different languages difficult. However, problems with different understanding of words can arise within the same language.
Usually, this reason does not interrupt communication, but it does make it quite difficult. When a person doesn't understand something, he usually doesn't want to stress about it and just prefers to talk to someone else.
Therefore, if someone is not interested in communicating with us, then we should check whether the terminology we use in conversation with this person is clear. It is quite possible that he simply does not understand us.
You should always speak to a person in a language they understand.
Misunderstanding of values
If a person has some specific experience, then it is not always necessary to share it. Many people may simply not appreciate knowledge on a certain issue, but consider the person dangerous, rude, cynical, or perhaps boring.
Lack of understanding of one's place in society
IN human society there is a hierarchy. This is a given that many ignore, but in vain. If a person does not understand his place in society, he may talk inappropriately to other people.
In particular, he can make the mistakes that we discussed above. For example, showing disrespect without even realizing it.
Fear of communication
The second group of reasons that cause difficulties in communication are reasons related to. These are the reasons internal character, which are associated with lack of awareness and negative experience, or lack of experience.
Fear of presentation
One of the main fears is the fear of presentation. What it is? This is the fear of expressing your thoughts, emotions and feelings. It occurs because a person does not know how another person will react.
If communication is interrupted by one of the parties due to misunderstanding, then in case of fear it may not even begin.
On the one hand, a person strives to avoid misunderstanding, and on the other hand, for this reason he cannot gain experience and information that can provide this understanding. It turns out to be a vicious circle.
How to break this circle? Obviously, misunderstanding is less of a problem than fear, because it presupposes at least some kind of communication. Fear is almost guaranteed to put an end to it. This means that it is much better to take a risk than not try at all. In this case there is at least a chance of success. In addition, we are almost guaranteed to gain experience and information.
Unfortunately, it is quite difficult to cope with fear on your own, but you can always turn to specialists.
Fear of Rejection
Fear of rejection, like other fears, arises from a deficit positive experience. This could be either lack of experience or negative experience, when a person presented himself, but they did not want to communicate with him.
This fear can be overcome by gaining positive experiences in some safe environment where a person will not be rejected, even if he somehow shows himself unsuccessfully. For example, this can be done at an appointment with a psychologist.
Fear of ridicule
Fear of ridicule is a special case of fear of rejection. However, given fear stronger and often associated with real negative experiences.
You can also cope with this fear through positive experiences. However, in in this case It is imperative to analyze in detail the circumstances in which this experience was obtained.
Disgust and communication difficulties
A person can be wonderfully able to communicate and find understanding with others, without having any fears. However, the problem may be that other people reject it “on approach”. Let's look at the main reasons.
Disgust from appearance
They greet you by their clothes. People can be put off by many things, but the biggest prejudice is experienced by people who have poor hygiene. Unwashed hair, dirty clothes, an unpleasant smell - these are the things that are guaranteed to scare away everyone around you.
Disgust with reputation
People may not want to communicate because they have some discrediting information about the person. These could be some facts from a person’s biography, his lifestyle, or rash statements.
Problem of interest
Communication is a complex thing in which everything should be in moderation. Perhaps the main ingredient of communication is interest. Like salt, it should be in moderation.
Excessive interest
When a person feels overly interested in communicating with him, it is scary.Why does he want to communicate so much? What if he wants to deceive? What if he's some kind of scammer? And generally kind of annoying. Come on! Such thoughts come to the mind of a person with whom they really want to communicate.
Lack of interest
If there is a lack of interest, communication turns out to be insipid and boring. Interest is the reason for communication. If it exists, then any other negative trends can be overcome. If it is not there, then nothing else matters.
How to generate interest? I will write about this in .
Today on the women's website “Beautiful and Successful” there is an article for those readers who have difficulty communicating with other people. Problems with communication may appear not only in shy or closed people– sometimes mature, mature, people who communicate a lot are exposed to them – they are exposed suddenly and sharply.
What, then, is the root of the problem, how to deal with your “unsociability” and how to determine whether it is necessary to do this at all?
Decide you can't leave everything as it is
A sociable, popular person who is in the spotlight is a stereotype of success and importance imposed by advertising and glossy publications.
You need to determine how critical it is for you to increase the “volume” of communication, how important are the people for whom you want to radically change.
Perhaps the small number of close people you have, and with whom it is easy, interesting and comfortable for you to contact, is enough for you?
Miracle recipe
To communicate well with people, you need to be able to listen. Yes, that’s all I do, you say, because I’m simply afraid to get a word in, I’m afraid to say something stupid or banal.
If you want to be interesting to people, be interested in them. This simple formula was also developed by Dale Carnegie, the genius of successful communication.
If you are communicating alone with a person, show genuine interest in what he has to say. In a company, don’t be afraid to ask different people clarifying questions.
Sincere attention to your person is a real magnet for any person who will soon simply not be able to live without you. And there and before true friendship not far away, and problems in communicating with people will disappear. Just remember that the interest must be sincere, since artificial “playing along” and falsehood always catch the eye and repel people even more.
Grow in your own eyes - solve communication problems
Having value for yourself means not trying to please everyone and everyone without exception. You are a special person, with your own views, you can be yourself and have every right not to meet anyone’s expectations.
Moreover, you “invent” these expectations for yourself.
When you think that you are saying some banal or inappropriate things for your interlocutor, always remember keyword- "Seems". The site recommends repeating this exercise constantly, until you develop a strong attitude towards your words - “what you said is what you said!” 🙂
Psychological problems with communication: an outside view
If you feel insecure in the company of new people, try an experiment: record yourself on video. At this time, you can pretend that you are communicating, tell the exam ticket, or “give out” any monologue. Then analyze your image and what you need to work on.
All “signs of an outsider” need to be changed. A person who sits with his shoulders back, laughs beautifully, but is silent, at least develops respect. I even want to talk to such a person :)
New person
If you experience difficulties communicating with new people, but want to expand your circle of acquaintances, the next “adventure” is for you.
Sign up for new courses, find a hobby group or a new gym. These people don’t know who you are or who you were before you met, you can leave them at any time, so you don’t care what they think about you. When contacting these people, “pretend” to be someone who is easy to communicate with new people, play new role, start everything with clean slate. Gradually, it will become easier and easier for you to transfer this behavior model into everyday life.
It is not without reason that psychologists advise reserved introverts who have problems communicating with people to attend a theater group.
Through force
Fight your fears, constantly look for a reason to call, ask, meet with stranger– the path is difficult, but effective. After some time, not a trace will remain of your fears and psychological problems with communication!
But this is only if fear exists. If you just don’t have a permanent relationship with the people around you, then maybe you shouldn’t break yourself and impose yourself in communicating with them.
Do you remember how, when you were a child, you made friends on your own? Live and enjoy life, and the necessary and interesting people they will find themselves and exactly when you really need it.
Remember: if problems with communication do not bother you, then they are not problems.
If you feel comfortable in your narrow circle friends, why expand it? But if without communication you feel inferior, stock up on sincere goodwill, be natural and open, and then you will be able to establish relationships with any person!