How to get rid of resentment in your soul. How to let go of a grudge and why it is important to do it: the most effective ways

How to forgive an offense and let a person go - this is complex issue And life situation for many people of different ages. Resentment is a feeling that prevents you from living and enjoying a harmonious relationship with your other half. Sometimes it can consume you completely, making you forget all the good things that happened between you. Often because of this, people quarrel so much that they separate. How to prevent such an outcome of events?

Resentment is a negative thing that poisons a person from the inside.

You don't know how to forgive and let go of an offense? You need to understand your true feelings. If you really love or respect a person, spend time on such negative emotions not worth it!

In such a state, everyone is tuned only to negativity

They seem to burn a person from the inside, forcing him to look at the world through a veil of fog. Everything positive fades into the background, and you see in front of you only the reason that became the main factor in the occurrence of resentment. But you need to drive all this away, because this way you will never become happy.

Analysis of grievances

To get rid of this feeling you need to understand its causes.

There is a question: how to cope with resentment so that it does not interfere with building harmonious relationships? At the very beginning, you should analyze what caused such feelings.
Try to remember the situation in every detail. It often turns out that a person did not offend you as much as you thought. You can correct the situation in time by taking the first step towards reconciliation.

It also happens that analysis will help you understand that it is you who are to blame for the conflict. Here you need to act carefully, explaining to the person that you misunderstood each other.

Getting rid of anger

Do you feel like anger is overwhelming you? This is very dangerous, since such emotions bring a lot of negativity to you and those around you. Here's how to deal with anger:

master the technique deep breathing because this will give you the opportunity to find spiritual harmony;
completely relax your muscles, which will make it possible to relieve anxiety and stress, and therefore relieve you of anger;
release your anger. You can find a quiet and secluded place to shake yourself off like a dog after water. You can also write down your thoughts on paper and tear the paper or burn it;
switch to something funny, for example, watch a video on the Internet to take your mind off the negativity;
listen to music that will relax you and completely calm you down.

Here's how to deal with resentment and anger without losing your valuable nerves. After such actions, anger will fade into the background, and you will be able to completely calm down and think about what to do in the future.

Recognizing that there is a problem is half the battle in solving it

Getting rid of guilt

Another one unpleasant situation- this is a feeling of guilt. If you have offended any person, it will haunt you every day. Because of this, people often face stress or depression, since guilt constantly weighs on the subconscious.

You can get rid of it by following these tips:

never blame yourself for the fact that others reacted to your behavior differently than you would like;
you should not mentally reproach yourself for any misdeeds;
there is no need to feel guilty if people from your close circle do wrong;
“burn” the feeling of guilt by writing down all your main experiences on a piece of paper;
there is no need to constantly apologize to everyone, even if you are not guilty;
do not allow yourself to be manipulated, because if you fail to complete the tasks, the feeling of guilt will return again.

This simple tips that will help you cope with negativity. You will feel free if everything works out.

How to learn to forgive grievances and let go

Not everyone knows how to learn to forgive grievances and let people go. But it is a valuable skill that will help you cope with many problems in life.

I seriously insulted you close person? Are you unable to find relief from your worries? Then you need to forgive him by following these tips:

remember that resentment is a strong evil. You must realize that it must be destroyed in order to live happily;
Negative motivation will also allow you to forgive a person faster. Think about what awaits you if you live with the experiences inside. This often leads to illness, depression, and loss of interest in life. It is better to forgive than to radically ruin your life;
Positive motivation will also help to cope with negativity. Think how much your life would change if you were happy and carefree again. These are new acquaintances fun meetings with friends, happy evenings with family;
If you don’t know how to learn to forgive insults, eliminate the weakness in yourself that attracted them. Perhaps it's low self-esteem or problems at work. Try to correct these shortcomings in order to become strong man, which does not depend on everything bad;
be grateful for the lessons that life teaches you. If you made a mistake that led to negativity, reel it off. In the future, you will no longer repeat such actions, which will make it much easier;
a sense of humor always saved similar situations. Make fun of yourself, take criticism adequately, don’t be offended caustic phrases colleagues or acquaintances. Only in this case will everyone understand that it is useless to try to hurt your pride.

You understand how to forgive an offense and let go of your loved one. Do not forget that you cannot keep anyone near you by force. It’s better to part ways peacefully than to torment each other for the rest of your life. But you need to part with a calm soul in which there is no place for negativity.

How to deal with resentment and negative emotions

Negative emotions destroy a person’s aura, as a result of which it becomes vulnerable to all sorts of factors. People who experience such feelings are prone to depression and stress.

You need to understand how to learn to forgive insults (psychology) in order to feel great. In fact, it is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. You just need to control your emotions to get rid of all the negativity.

Negativity can accumulate for a long time, and then suddenly burst out

Identify the source of irritation

At the very beginning, it’s worth understanding what irritates you so much. Perhaps it’s her husband’s scattered things or an annoying work colleague. Never accumulate emotions within yourself, because sooner or later they will burst out in a huge stream of claims and grievances.

If we're talking about about your loved one who is doing something wrong, try to talk to him. The conversation should be calm and friendly. Explain why you don’t like this or that action. In most cases, everything can be fixed without accumulating negative emotions within yourself.

If you are offended by a work colleague, then try to talk to him. If all is unsuccessful, do not intersect or keep meetings to a minimum. Do not accumulate resentment within yourself, because it will definitely spill out in a stream of negative emotions.

Understand the reason

To understand how to learn to forgive people and let go of resentment, understand yourself. Why are you offended by others? Perhaps it's your low self-esteem? Do you not know how to cope with your emotions?

You can find spiritual harmony with the help of breathing exercises or yoga. In practice it has been proven that similar activities calm and distract from negative emotions. If suddenly negativity has already settled inside you, it will soon stop bothering you, because it Negative influence is eliminated.

How to deal with resentment and anger

People ask the question: how to deal with resentment and negative emotions quickly and effectively? There are tips that will make you feel much better:

stop feeling like a victim: instead of “I was offended,” say “I feel offended”;
look at yourself through the eyes of the offender and think whether everything is so smooth on your part, or whether you, too, have done something wrong to the person;
Perhaps you are missing something, which stimulates you to be angry. If so, then allow yourself to fill what is missing in life;
tell yourself “Stop” because the feeling is poisonous from within. If you don't want to face stress or depression, try to control your emotions right now;
calm down and think about how you feel this moment, because it may turn out that this is not anger, but a banal lack of attention;
react to different situations calmly, and over time you will notice that the feeling of resentment is no longer inherent in you.

A big grievance usually develops gradually from several small ones.

These are simple tips that will help you cope with resentment and anger. You should not waste your time on such negative emotions, as they will only bring you harm.

How to deal with resentment towards a man

Often women ask: how to cope with resentment towards a man if I live under the same roof with him? Of course, such emotions can destroy a relationship in a matter of days.

If we are talking about betrayal, then not everyone is ready to forgive their loved one. In such a situation, you should understand that getting rid of negativity will benefit you, not him. Try to completely calm down and tune in for the best. Remember that it is very difficult to go through life with resentment. If you want to become happy and loved, drive away negative emotions in order to calmly let go of the man.

Women are the most touchy - they are real masters of this matter.

You don't know how to forgive a person and free yourself from grievances if the situation is not that serious? Then a simple conversation can help you. Talk to your significant other so that she understands what exactly is bothering you. In practice, it has been proven that conversations often make it possible to get rid of all negative emotions!

Perhaps every person is familiar with grievances. But they can be talked about in two contexts: and the inability to forgive old grievances. In this article we'll talk about the second option: how to forgive offenses and start living freely.

Resentments are stones tied to the neck and dragging you to the bottom. No matter what grievances we are talking about, always worse than that, who remembers them, than to the one who inflicted them. The ability to forgive is vital, but not given to everyone. This is one of higher skills. And to make it easier for him to learn, you need to understand: you need forgiveness, not the offender.

Resentment is an experience associated with the fact that someone does not want or cannot meet your expectations.

Like anything, resentment is necessary, but in moderation. It allows you to manage your behavior and adapt to new conditions, signaling changes. Through grievances we learn the essence human relations and join the world, . But this happens under the condition of working through, forgiving and forgetting grievances. IN otherwise a person suffers and does not develop as a person.

Causes

There are several reasons for grievances:

Resentment is often born out of your erroneous expectations of other people. Learn to adequately assess situations, relationships, people.
Another reason for grievances is contradictions and disagreements. Understand that they are always there. In themselves, these phenomena are neutral. They acquire color depending on the behavior of the participants. This is where it is important for the contradiction to result in a new joint product and personal growth everyone, rationally resolve issues in conflicts.
Resentment as is the third option. Perhaps you lack attention or you don’t know how to communicate, you don’t know other ways to achieve what you want.

Conditions for resentment

Resentment does not always arise. At a minimum, the offender must be significant to the opponent, that is, grievances are more common among loved ones interpersonal relationships. But this is not the only condition.

“They don’t take offense at fools.” Adults are not offended by children, nor are we offended by bad weather or insects. To develop resentment, it is important to see in your opponent a person similar to yourself, an equal.
Agreements (written or oral). If out of kindness soulful person got used to doing something, and then couldn’t, then there is a high probability that they will be offended by him. Because involuntarily his good deeds became a duty in the eyes of his partner. Or vice versa: you helped, but they refused to help you. But you thought that this went without saying. The same is true for gifts and congratulations.

So, resentment always arises only in close relationships. In a situation where a person is not significant to you or generally treats you poorly, a sea of other emotions and feelings arises: irritation, indignation, but not resentment.

Why forgive

What happens to those who are offended?

Resentment affects health.
Resentment controls your thinking and behavior, which becomes focused on reducing suffering from experiences (turn on).
Resentment is fraught with quarrels and depression, since one memory is always followed by a sea of others.
Resentment is a harbinger of chronic emotional stress. Under stress, all the body's defenses are activated, which is good in an emergency situation: we see better, hit harder, run faster, act more creatively. But for permanent life This condition is not suitable, since in such conditions the body will quickly wear out physically and mentally, and the immune system will weaken.

What else does a person experience when stressed, what two popular reactions are: fear (flight) and anger (attack). When we are offended, we experience the same thing, but we cannot run away from it, which means we can only attack. Aggression (hidden, overt, internal “love and hate” type) always accompanies resentment.

Resentment makes us angry and sick. That's why you need to be able to forgive. By letting go of grievances, you:

cleanse your body of those emotions that are already caused by images of offenders and situations;
prevent the emergence of negative emotions in the future;
release mental, physical and psychic powers to build new life plans, self-development, creativity and achieving social success (freeing up space in thoughts and strength in actions).

Action plan

Getting rid of grievances involves getting rid of emotions (positive and negative). At first it is important to make the image of the offender neutral, and later he himself will retreat into the unconscious.

The goal of working on oneself is the development of sanogenic (health-improving) thinking. Your task is to seize control of thinking and behavior, that is, life, from resentment. To do this, it is important not only to forgive grievances, but also to understand the principle of their formation.

Fundamentals of sanogenic thinking

First of all, you need to understand that we are offended in those cases when the behavior (expectation) we attribute to a person does not coincide with real facts(reality).
You are in captivity of the past, which harms you and your loved ones in the present. If you constantly reproduce grievances in your memory and relive them over and over again (and that’s what you do), then time will never heal.
Keep expectations to a minimum. Don't attribute behavior stereotypes to people.
It is clear that it is impossible to live completely without ideas. In this case, it is important to set realistic expectations.
Reflection will help ease emotions. In a relaxed state, you need to remember the grievances and imagine yourself in this situation, but detached. As if you were an outside observer. Read more about this in the article.
Concentrating on your expectations rather than on your opponent’s actions will help ease the resentment.
Now try to find the reason for your opponent's alternative behavior.
After this, try to accept your opponent for who he is and recognize his right to freedom (alternative behavior).
IN calm state replay the situation again, it is important to remain detached.

It's all about waiting

Your expectations about the other person's behavior require special attention. Play out not only the situation itself, but also pay attention to your thoughts. After this you need to answer a number of questions:

How should a person behave so that I don’t get offended?
Where do my expectations come from?
How real are they?
Can they be brought closer to reality?
Can the partner meet these expectations?
Does my partner know my expectations?
What's stopping me from talking about it and changing expectations?
Why does the opponent do this?
What motives drive him?
Does he know about my expectations? If yes, then why doesn't he do that?
Does he have other interests, desires, goals?
Do my expectations conflict with his beliefs?
In conclusion, be sure to say: I do not have the right to judge and evaluate another person, otherwise I do not recognize him as a person and am trying to fit him to a certain standard, to deprive him of his freedom. But no one has such a right.

No matter how strange it may sound, if you want to let go of an offense, then you need to find an excuse for the offender, and not blame. If nothing comes to mind, then you can simply say: “I’m sure he had good reasons for this. I forgive him."

In conclusion, it is worth saying forgiveness to yourself. And when forgiving the offender, it is important to find something to thank him for. In the end, you can always be grateful for the experience.

Afterword

The mechanism of resentment is as follows: my expectations regarding the other person, my vision of his behavior, the inconsistency of these elements. If one component (link) is missing, there will be no resentment.

You can get rid of grievances, let go of the past and start living in the future only by changing your thinking, refocusing your attention from grievances and their fuel to new plans.

Always remember that grievances are meaningless.

First, they destroy the one who holds them.
Secondly, think: you consider the person who offended you to be superior to you, he pointed out sore spot? If yes, then shouldn’t you take criticism adequately and try to grow up to this person? And if he told a lie and turned out to be lower than you, then why attach importance to this and stoop to the same level?

“Socrates was never offended. He rightly said that this either did not concern him, or if it did, it was right. If you are offended by a person, then he is taller, smarter and more worthy of you. So take an example from him, reach up to his level. And if he is lower, stupider and less worthy than you, then by being offended by him, you exalt him with your offense, and humiliate yourself,” M. E. Litvak.

Resentment is a feeling that destroys, harms the emotional and physical health. A person who constantly warms up, nourishes and strengthens negative feelings in his heart, cannot fully enjoy life, sees negativity all the time and lives in fear of repeated betrayal.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW! Fortune teller Baba Nina:“There will always be plenty of money if you put it under your pillow...” Read more >>

To normalize psychological condition To restore joy and harmony in life, you should realize how dangerous it is to keep feelings to yourself and how important it is to learn to forgive.

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How to let go of a grudge?

Letting go of a person and getting rid of all negative thoughts is not always easy. To throw off the burden of grievances and worries, you need diligent and quality work over yourself and your emotional state.

Steps on the path to forgiveness of grievances must be taken consistently and then you will be able to get rid of this oppressive feeling.

How to get a girl out of depression

Control over feelings

All sensations and thoughts that plague and disturb cannot be blocked and driven into your heart. Everyone experiences this kind of thing, so it’s important to come to terms with it.

The only thing that will help you completely free yourself from feelings of resentment is time. Everything that happens to a person tends to end, so you need to get through a difficult period and not make resentment the center of your life. Gradually the feelings fade away and the woman feels better.

Don't torture yourself and blame yourself. Parting with a loved one, breaking up a relationship is not a reason to label yourself a loser or bad person. Having lost a man, a woman does not lose her virtues, strong qualities and success.

How to forget a loved one

Pondering the Consequences

Negative motivation has enormous power in the fight against negative thoughts. It makes you think about what will happen if you don’t let go of the grudge, but continue to live with it.

A person driven by negative motivation may begin to think like this:

all the pain will constantly grow, like poison it will begin to eat away at the heart, getting stuck in the throat like a lump, forcing you to suffer;
resentment provokes development cancer diseases, That's why high mortality rate observed specifically among touchy people;
Living with a feeling of resentment, a person sees enemies in all people, is afraid to trust someone again, so his personal life suffers;
negative energy suppresses sunny and bright feelings - joy, love, faith and fidelity;
resentment can be an incentive to take revenge on another, pushing you to bad, rash actions.

Therefore, it is worthwhile to understand well what resentment is - a helper or an enemy.

Positive motivation

A powerful weapon on the path to getting rid of a heavy burden is a clear vision of all the benefits that will be possible if you quickly forgive the offense and let it go. The main ones:

freedom and independence from the actions of others;
relief from pain, torment and low self-esteem;
a state of lightness, the heart will be filled with joy, energy and positive feelings, which are much more pleasant to live with;
by letting go of the grudge, the girl will be able to more easily build relationships with others, adequately assessing people, without attributing to them selfish motives for communication;
less touchy person looks like a strong, confident and joyful person, so she attracts others more towards her.

Success in life accompanies those who have learned to ignore the mistakes of others and live full life.

Dialogue with the offender

When a person begins to be visited and then constantly pursued negative thoughts and resentment, it is important not to give in to emotions, but to continue to think sensibly, having understood the situation. It is worth analyzing the reason why your lover could offend. Perhaps the man did not see anything offensive in the words he said and did not notice that he had offended his beloved. Or the reason is in upbringing, the past.

If there is resentment, you cannot remain silent. You need to be the first to approach and talk to the offender, talk about your feelings, clarifying all the misunderstandings.

You should not wait for the moment when a person himself realizes that he is wrong, comes up and asks for forgiveness.

Active life is the key to success

To forget your husband and remove the pain in your heart, you should not resort to alcohol or seek solace in food. You should learn to continue to enjoy life and pamper yourself: play sports, go to beauty salons, engage in self-development, start teaching new language or go on a trip.

After the betrayal of a loved one, pain and disappointment are easier to endure with people who can listen and support in any actions and decisions.

In addition to true friends who can console you, it is important to have support. This is something that can give you confidence, make you feel strong and significant person. Eg, favorite hobby, work or help those who are in difficult and unpleasant circumstances.

Psychology notes that helping others is a great opportunity to help yourself take your mind off own problems and let go of negative thoughts.

Anything that happens in life is an experience. However, it is important not to remain living in the past, but to try to imagine what new and interesting things life can bring.

We must forgive those who have hurt us and forgive ourselves for all the times we didn't listen to our intuition or made decisions out of hopelessness, as well as for everything we blame ourselves for. Ariel Ford

Before we forgive and let go of the offense, leave it in the past, let's think about why it arises in order to become wiser in the future. A feeling of resentment, and with it pain, sadness, or anger, anger, or a desire for revenge, cause unfulfilled expectations.

And all because of what we give to someone right manage ourselves and plan our life, be responsible for its well-being, the ability to make us happy or unhappy.

The offender may be stranger or close, dear and most beloved. By the way, the people who can most offend us are the people we attach special meaning, which means we expect a lot from them. As a rule, it is not difficult to express your resentment towards unimportant people, for example, strangers on the street. The most remarkable thing is that it is more difficult to express resentment or even admit it ourselves in relation to people with whom we want to maintain peaceful relations, or they are authorities for us.

What happens in this case? Unfelt and unexpressed negative emotions are directed towards the person himself. In psychology, this condition is called auto-aggression, i.e. a person blames himself for everything, which, naturally, has a very bad effect on self-esteem and the ability to be successful. In such a situation, it is correct to talk about your feelings, intentions and expectations, without expecting that the offender will guess about them himself.

What caused the offense? Every adult lives with his own “map, plan” for the structure of the world in his head. It is assumed, for example, that people should respond with kindness with kindness. Only after this does good cease to be good if expected reciprocal good. This is firstly, and secondly, resentment arises due to betrayal (this was written about earlier). Our interests are being betrayed, but by whom? First of all, by yourself, no matter how painful it may be to realize it. If we assume that you shift the sacred responsibility of making yourself happy to another person, and in return he must do everything for your happiness and well-being, then isn’t it better to immediately take care of your own needs? Feeling happy, a person attaches much less importance to what the other will do in response.

As he says Paulo Coelho “Children renounce their dreams in order to please their parents, parents renounce life itself in order to please their children.”. And who is happy in the end?..

Let's say you doubt that you can make yourself happy and convey this honorable duty to another person, the one you “made happy.” It’s a little strange, isn’t it, to be able to make someone happy and yet not be able to make yourself happy. It turns out that if you can make someone happy, then you can certainly make yourself happier.

Therefore, let us ourselves be the owners, creators and healers of our own happiness, not trusting it in someone else’s hands, even the kindest ones. When doing a good deed for someone, the most important thing is to feel joy that we can help someone else (even better if he asked for help himself), and not hope to receive something in exchange. If not positive emotions, if by saying “yes” to someone, we say “no” to ourselves, then why do it? Out of fear that they will be offended? Out of fear of missing out on something valuable?.. Out of a sense of duty?

If you are afraid to refuse for fear of offending, you will most likely remain offended. By saying “yes” out of fear of missing out on opportunities, you are doing it to the detriment of your interests, which means you are really missing out on something valuable in exchange for dubious expectations. And lastly, a person’s most important duty to himself is to be happy, following his own life path, do as his heart tells him. Happy people make others happy without making any effort and are not very upset by the occasional ingratitude of others. Mature personality understands that she is not responsible for someone’s emotions, but others are not responsible for what the person himself feels. He is free to act according to his values and moral principles and evaluate his behavior himself, and at the same time gives the same right to others. Or rather, it does not give, rather than denies, their right. Therefore, he does what his heart desires, and first of all he sees joy from the fact that he does not betray himself and his principles. This approach may seem strange to some, but if you think about it, it is the most rational and adequate. When doing a good deed, do it for the sake of goodness itself. When bringing happiness into the life of another person, do it for the sake of the person himself, and not for his response. Because the greatest reward is a feeling of satisfaction with yourself, with your actions. Being the masters and architects of our own happiness, we gain calm confidence in ourselves, we increase self-esteem, feel self-respect and believe in our success in the future.

Otherwise, we are talking about childish behavior dependent on parents, elders, someone who is more important than himself in his own life, guides his choice of decisions, and, therefore, there is no and cannot be peace of mind and confidence in tomorrow, there are always doubts and hesitations as to whether he did the right thing. After all, his happiness depends on anyone, but not on the person himself.

The habit of reacting with offense to something we don’t like is formed, as a rule, in early childhood when a child cannot, for one reason or another, directly express his needs or satisfy them himself. And the only thing left for him to influence adults is to be offended. In response to insult, adults (most often parents) give positive reaction"care". Subsequently, this behavior becomes a stereotypical form emotional response on life difficulties and appears even when there is no opportunity to receive this care from anyone and is not expected.

If you suddenly happen to be the offender and want to resolve the conflict, ask what exactly they want from you and For what.

To prevent offense on your part, tell us about your desires. People cannot read the minds of others. It is quite possible that the one to whom you are making a request will be happy to satisfy it.

In the event that the offense has already been caused, it is necessary to find out what needs were not satisfied and how they can be satisfied differently. It is not necessarily this person who can help you with this, even if you are not able to satisfy them yourself. There is a way out, the main thing is to let go of the offense and get rid of negative emotions.

What should you do first? Write a letter to your abuser. No, it will not need to be handed over to the recipient. It is written to understand the situation and find solutions. You need to start with the words: “I’ll tell you now something that I’ve never said before.” The text of the letter must include the following four points:

This is what you did to me;
This is what I had to endure;
This is how it affected my life;
This is what I expect from you now.

The last point will tell you which needs you need to take care of first.

Until you let go of the past, get rid of the resentment, you will not be able to live life to the fullest present. If necessary, acknowledge that you have experienced a loss, grieve it, forgive the person responsible for your loss, forgive yourself, decide to put the experience behind you and move on. Don't give up on your decision, even if you find it difficult to stick to it. Believe that the experience you have had was necessary and will ultimately benefit you, making you stronger, wiser and more successful. The time will come, and your happiness will be greater than before from a feeling of self-confidence, because you yourself are its creator.

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One of the key skills in life for each of us is the ability to forgive other people and ourselves. Unfortunately, only a few have this skill. If you are one of them, do not read this article! For the rest, we discussed the topic of forgiveness in detail. Read and change your life. Find out how to learn to forgive grievances!

A quick question: is the ability to forgive a strength or a weakness?

How to learn to forgive insults. 2 categories of people

Today, most people tend to dwell on their grievances and are able to torment themselves with negative thoughts and experiences for years. This does not bring any benefit and only harms physical and mental health.

If you look closely, such people are constantly dissatisfied with something, this attracts troubles to themselves, something bad constantly happens in their lives. Why is this happening?

The fact is that resentment has a grandiose destructive force. If a person holds grudges, he is finished.

At the same time, people who are able to live and let go of their negative experiences, finding positivity even in the most hopeless situations, forgiving their offenders - they live a much happier life.

By the way, about happiness. Read our best article:

The ability to forgive in the modern world

With the advent of televisions, social networks and other depersonalizing crap, people began to adopt tons negative energy from these sources. Many have already forgotten how to give gifts and love, rejoice and laugh. People don't know how to learn to forgive insults.

“The heart forgives often, the mind rarely, pride never”

Louis Dumur

Development modern technologies creates more and more resentment towards oneself, towards one’s family, towards one’s environment. Lost in gadgets, people forget how to communicate with each other, how to talk about the most important things. As a result, they feel resentment towards the whole world for not being understood and appreciated.

First of all, this concerns the younger generation. For example, modern teenagers are often offended by their parents because they cannot provide them with the desired standard of living, broadcast social networks, fashion bloggers and other unauthorized personalities.

Due to being in constant resentment, adolescents develop an inferiority complex and dissatisfaction with life. Such children grow up to be incapable of mediocrity, who spend their whole lives looking for someone to blame, do not know how to solve problems and cannot admit their mistakes.

The key to salvation is the ability to forgive. The ability to forgive is the ability to let go difficult situations, look at them from a different angle, thank them, perceive what is happening as a lesson from which you can draw benefit and important experience.

Having learned this, you will notice how your life will change, how many new and interesting things will appear in it. You will discover new opportunities for yourself and see the world from a completely different perspective. You will have inspiring goals and a zest for life.

The ability to forgive is power!

The root of the problem. Children's grievances

Childhood grievances are considered the most severe. Few people are able to cope with them on their own. Of course, you can try this way, but it is better and faster in this situation to contact a specialist.

There is nothing terrible or reprehensible in this. This does not indicate the presence mental illness, but just says that a person wants to live happily and be in harmony with himself.

Why is it important to forgive childhood grievances?

Without letting go of childhood grievances and without forgiving those closest to you, you cannot continue to move towards conscious happy life. No matter how much you want to just forget and move on, it won’t work.

Everything that happened to us in childhood is the cause of our present. Therefore, it is first important to “forgive” the past and only then take on the future.

A person who does not know how to forgive will fail in life.

Adult children resent their parents. How to learn to forgive grievances:

Is it possible to learn to forgive?

We are gradually moving on to practice 😉 Get ready!

Instructions for use:

Recognize each specific grievance separately.

The first thing to start with is admitting the offense. Someone will think that it is easy and banal. This is wrong.

For many, acknowledging an offense is tantamount to a voluntary admission of defeat and weakness. The most difficult thing is to frankly say to yourself: “Yes, in this situation I was weak and defenseless. I failed and I’m upset.”

Write down all grievances on large leaf paper.

Correct wording is important here. It is not enough to simply write: “I was offended by this person in this situation.”

It’s better like this: “I’m offended by my parents because as a child they devoted little time to me, limited me a lot and talked little about their feelings.” It is important not only to write about the offense, but also to understand what exactly hurt you and made you angry the most?

"It's easier to forgive an enemy than a friend"

William Blake

Just remember the situation. What feelings does the memory of her evoke? Anger? Sadness? Want to be somewhere else?

Work with every grievance.

The most difficult thing is to work through each grievance. It is at this stage that a person learns to forgive and let go of difficult situations.

There are many ways to forgive an offense. We have collected the best of them for you in this article. Read and apply!

10 ways to learn to forgive

Let's go 😉

1. write a letter to the offender

One of the most effective methods. It helps to cope well with old grievances. If you need to learn to forgive, start with this method.

How to do it correctly this technique? To begin, prepare clean white sheets of paper, a pen and three envelopes. On the evening of the first day, before going to bed, be alone with yourself and write a letter to the offender on a piece of paper.

“Three things are not forgiven for women. But no one knows which ones and why."

Yanina Ipohorskaya

In the first letter, you should not skimp on describing the emotions and consequences of the offense. Here it is important to write down all the thoughts and feelings that have accumulated during the offense. You may need more than one sheet of paper for this.

Stop writing when you feel empty and have nothing left to write.

Once the letter is written, pack it in an envelope and leave it overnight. In the morning, the letter can be thrown away, torn into small pieces or burned.

This letter was written by you not so that it gets to the addressee (the consequences for your relationship may be irreparable), but so that you can safely realize and live your feelings, putting them on paper, taking them out from within and letting them go.

Read more about emotions here:

Can you imagine how many years you have been carrying resentment inside? While writing a letter, anger, anger, tears may come over you, you may have the desire to sob out loud or swear loudly. If you have such an opportunity, let your feelings come out.

If you need it immediately active action, which will help you physically experience emotions, you can, for example, beat a pillow. Already at this stage you will feel incredibly better - verified!

After finishing this practice, it is better to take a shower to wash away your worries.

On the evening of the second day, write another letter. It is important to describe in it what experience you have had, what life lesson an offensive situation has given you.

Seal the letter in an envelope, and in the morning burn it again, tear it up or throw it away.

On the evening of the third day you should write thank you letter. In the morning, you will get rid of it again, and you can say with gratitude: “I easily let go of the grudge against ... (name and surname of the offender) from my life.” I thank him for life experience which he taught me. Thanks to him, I became/have become stronger, wiser and more resilient. From this day on, I no longer hold a grudge against you and live a happy life.”

In especially difficult cases, such letters will need to be written monthly, and a phrase of gratitude must be said daily.

2. burn off grievances

The method is similar to the previous one. Only now it is carried out with big amount offense.

To carry it out, prepare a sheet of paper, a pen, matches or a lighter and, if necessary, heat-resistant dishes. On a piece of paper, write down all the grievances you have today. When the list is ready, tear the sheet into small pieces and set it on fire. You can burn it either on a large fire or in an apartment. Just take care of fire safety!

While the paper is burning, imagine how all grievances and negative thoughts burn away in the fire, how the mind becomes clear, and the body is filled with new positive energy.

“A stupid person does not forgive or forget anything; the naive forgives and forgets; A smart person forgives, but does not forget"

Thomas Szasz

3. send the resentment flying

To carry out this technique, prepare a large stack of small leaves. A5 size sheets are suitable.

On each sheet of paper, write one specific grievance. If you have several grievances against a person, write one grievance on one sheet of paper.

Upon completion of the process, fold each leaf into an airplane (or in the spring like a boat). Then everything is intuitive.

Go out to an open, elevated place in windy weather and send the airplanes flying freely with grievances. Looking at the airplanes flying away, imagine how your mind is freed, how easy it becomes to breathe.

Start living again. Strong people forgive.

4. give thanks

There are two options for this technique.

First. Write a thank you letter detailing the offense. Do this exclusively with words of gratitude.

For example: “I am very grateful to you for hurting me. This is a valuable lesson for me." You need to be grateful for all feelings and emotions, finding the positive side in them.

The second option is to say gratitude to the offender in front of the mirror every morning.

This method is very powerful, but not easy, as it requires great awareness. It is better that the feelings of pain, anger and resentment are no longer very bright and strong, otherwise you will deceive yourself and stick a band-aid on a purulent wound. This will not lead to anything good; you will not get rid of the resentment, but will only drive it deeper. This can even cause illness on a physical level.

If you are shaking at the memory of a situation in which you were treated unfairly, then it is better to turn to the first method.

5. turn negative into positive

Turn all the negatives into positives.

To do this, divide the sheet into two columns. Place a minus sign in the top left column and a plus sign in the right column.

“The weak never forgive; forgiveness is the privilege of the strong"

Mahatma Gandhi

First, write down all the difficult situations in which you felt offended. After that, describe in detail their negative and positive aspects.

For example, a situation: a husband left for his mistress, left his wife on maternity leave with two small children and a mortgage issued to her.

Do you think it is possible to forgive a person in such a situation? Let's figure it out together 😉

Cons: he left for his mistress, left his wife alone with their children, evaded paying alimony.

Pros: after the divorce, the wife filed for division of property with a request to collect alimony. During the division of property, the husband had to sell the car purchased during marriage. The wife received half the amount. The second part was collected on account of previously unpaid alimony, thanks to which it was possible to pay off most mortgages. During the remaining time of maternity leave, the woman mastered new profession and began to receive significantly more money than at my old job.

On how to master a new profession:

The example, of course, is radical, but the fact is that because of their grievances, many people do not see anything positive from what is happening in their lives.

“To err is human, to forgive is divine”

Alexander Pop

6. break the dishes

This method is perfect for those who experience anger or emptiness along with feelings of resentment.

There is no need to break dishes right in the house. There have long been special places where this service is provided for a certain amount. Or you can find a deserted place and have a blast there.

On any utensils that you don’t mind, use a marker to write down the most strong grievances that you have today.

Once the list is completed and the dishes are prepared, you can begin the process. With each new broken plate, you need to shout out the insult that is written on it.

One of the varieties of this technique is the destruction technique. When a person destroys, beats and breaks unnecessary things.

7. dance

For this technique, do not choose your favorite music or music that reminds you of the hurt or offender. African drums are best.

Be alone with yourself. Turn the music up as loud as possible. If you can't turn it on loudly, you can put on headphones.

Start dancing like never before! While dancing, imagine how all grievances and negativity leave your body and mind. Feel how pleasant fatigue appears, how easy it becomes to breathe.

Don't hold back your emotions. Let all the accumulated feelings find a way out. While performing the technique, jump, scream, cry, sob, throw things around. Dance until fatigue takes over and you fall off your feet, and there are no more thoughts left.

A variation of this technique is hitting a punching bag. The rules are still the same. Exercise until you completely lose strength.

And also, on a wave of anger, you can very effectively and quickly carry out general cleaning: give your emotions a physical outlet, and the house will be clean 😉

8. help others

There are people who are fixated on one grievance. When it hurts so much that it seems it can’t get any worse.

IN in this case It's best to do charity work. Start with hard work– caring for animals in shelters. Important here full dedication: clean enclosures, walk dogs, comb, stroke. Give yourself a month of superhuman stress. So that when you come home, you just fall into bed.

“People who don’t feel love for themselves usually don’t know how to forgive.”

Louise Hay

You can also visit nursing homes. Talk to people, listen to the stories of old people who were abandoned by their children and grandchildren. Feel how hard it is for them, how hurtful it is for them.

Go to orphanages and hospitals. You will understand what hopelessness really is. You will see how hurtful it is for children who have done nothing wrong in their lives. Look: some can live at home, but others cannot; some can run and jump, while others can never take a step.

Do something for these people, help them good deed or a kind word.

The essence of this technique is not only that, seeing the suffering of others, you will begin to consider your grievances less significant. The main thing is that you stop focusing on yourself and start giving. Mr. Offense doesn't like people like that.

9. see a psychologist

There are grievances that only a specialist can help resolve.

If none of the above methods help, you should consult a psychologist. Perhaps it's not a matter of resentment at all. Maybe the feelings a person experiences are signs of depression, complexes, and fears.

"God forgives those who forgive others"

Olga Muravyova

Going to a psychologist does not mean admitting that you are mentally ill. This means admitting that you need help.

10. declutter

If you still don’t understand how to forgive someone for offending you, use the last way, you definitely won’t be left in the red.

Sometimes, in order to forgive someone, you just need to get your house in order. Great method, and his main rule is: “Throw away everything that has not been used for more than a year, and everything that causes negative emotions.”

Just throw it away, and not send it to the balcony, garage or to relatives. Another option is to collect good things and take them to the temple on the same day.

You will feel how much easier it will be to breathe.

Of course, there are a huge number of techniques that indicate how to forgive people and how to learn to let go of grievances, but they all come down to the 10 points above.

You need to choose what you like most. The main rule is not to be afraid to seem stupid and funny.

know how to forgive insults

Resentment is a great evil and a source of colossal negative energy. This energy takes away strength and deprives us of the opportunity to live a bright and fulfilling life.

No matter how strong the offense is, it must be let go. First of all, we need it, because it is not our offenders who carry it within themselves. It is important to learn to forgive and give thanks. To give thanks for everything good and bad that we have in our lives.

Don't dwell on grievances. Of course, they influenced the formation of the present, but it is in our power not to let them determine our future. Ultimately, only we decide how we perceive any situation and what lesson to learn from it.

If we don’t decide for ourselves, someone else will do it for us, and we will live our lives unconsciously, automatically, grayly and dullly. Do you like this perspective? No? Then go ahead - to forgiveness!

Learn to forgive, let go negative situations and walk forward with your head held high. After forgiving your grievances, your life will change. Remember, greatness lies in the ability to forgive.

How to learn to forgive insults. conclusion

Imagine yourself in a few years. Imagine meeting your abuser. If you don’t let go of the grudge, he will be a winner. If you forgive him and yourself, you will be the winner.

Winner in the fight for your life.

Finally, a video for thought: