About forgiveness of insults, from an interview with Rev. Alexander Ilyashenko
Father, what if in confession we say that we have sinned with the sin of resentment, but it does not go away?..
- This is evidence of our lack of faith, inability to repent and fight sin. I say again: the offense will not go away on its own. If you want to get rid of it, treat it like any other sin - ask God for healing.
You feel bad, but do you really ask for salvation, for the Lord’s help? Well, how do you pray to Him? Is there a result? - No, but he offended me so much! Ah, I can't. - It’s not how you were offended, but how you pray! If you really pray, it means there will be results. Is the Lord powerless to protect you from the evil one? Yes, you just don’t pray, you don’t ask! You don't want the Lord to help you. If you want, you can. This is why the Lord gives us His Divine, all-conquering, greatest power in the world. Who is the evil one?
If God is with us, then no one is against us... Or rather, we are with Him - the Lord is always with us. If we are truly with God, under His Divine grace, then nothing can be done to us. We can be destroyed physically, but not morally; we cannot be forced to do what we do not want. I don’t want to be offended, which means I won’t be offended. If they offend me, then I will pray so that this offense can be overcome by the power of God.
It seems to me that often a person, without realizing it, does not want to forgive an offense, because the awareness of his own rightness and the wrongness of the offender is somehow comforting.
- Yes: no one feels sorry for me, so at least I feel sorry for myself. This is absolutely a hindrance. And again, this is either a proud attempt to cope with one’s strengths, or wishful thinking. Resentment is a disease... If the disease is serious, you need to take efforts adequate to your condition. What is our spiritual state? We don’t know how to pray, we don’t know how to humble ourselves, we don’t know how to endure, we know practically nothing. Unless you mindlessly chant prayers according to the prayer book - we know how to do that.
How can you understand whether you have truly forgiven a person or are you trying to deceive yourself? What is the criterion for forgiving an offense?
- You can test yourself purely speculatively. Imagine that you come to the offender, offer to make peace, and he throws himself on your neck, you kiss, hug, cry, sob and everything is fine. Then imagine: you come and say: “Let's make peace? Forgive me, please,” and in response you hear: “You know, get out of here...”, “Wow. Yeah! I’m so humbled here, I came to you to ask for forgiveness, to offer peace, and you!..”
... “Ah, I was offended, and I was offended.” You have no right to be offended, to carry resentment in your soul- this is a sin, a spiritual disease. Whatever you want, just overcome it. If you are with the Lord, this is possible. If you have been hurt, then you need to have patience, endure and fight as long as it takes for you to truly overcome the sin. Here “I want” is completely insufficient. There is only one criterion: can you tolerate rudeness again or not?
But, of course, we are talking about more or less ordinary, everyday sins. There are grave sins, on the verge of death (let's say, betrayal - that's a completely different conversation). But actually from these everyday relationships, from these unovercome sins a lump of sin accumulates that can crush. He cannot be tolerated. Fight every sin until victory. Try to repent so that no trace of it remains in your soul.. And if there is nothing left, it means he has gone into oblivion.
Like this? After all, there were words, there were actions, they were - this is a fact?!
- The Lord says that He blots out sins, but what is sin? Everything that exists in the world was created by God. Did the Lord create sin? No. This means that sin does not exist in the same way as other God-created ideas, spiritual and material entities. Everything that the Lord has created is good. But sin is evil, and the Lord did not create sin, which means that in this sense there is no sin, it is a kind of mirage. Is there a mirage? Happens. Do you see a mirage? See. But in reality what you see is not there? No. And there is no sin in that sense. On the one hand there is, but on the other hand there is no. If you repent, then this pseudo-spiritual entity is expelled by the Lord from this place.ira. As it was not, so it will be. And if you really forgot and forgave, you can communicate with the person as if nothing had happened. But for this you must make enormous spiritual efforts. It's not that easy at all. Everyone knows how difficult it is to forgive. We do not forgive because we do not make the spiritual efforts that are necessary to defeat evil, to completely drive sin out of this world. We limit ourselves to calming down over time.
Father, does it happen that you don’t know if a person is offended? For some reason he doesn't speak...
- Well, come and say, but only with love and gently: “Did I offend you in any way?”
- But...
- But then pray so that your prayer overcomes the evil that you have done involuntarily and unknown to you. The evil one does not act openly. He takes advantage of our weaknesses. Need to say: " How rude and insensitive I am if I did something like that and didn’t even notice how I hurt the person. Lord, forgive me, damned one. I am guilty. I offended the man so much that he doesn’t even want to talk to me. What did I do? Lord, grant me to see my sins».
- Is it possible to go to communion if you can’t overcome the pain?
- There are sins that cannot be overcome in one go and, of course, in such a situation God’s special help is necessary. Therefore, you need to receive communion, but only on the condition that you pray from your heart and repent from your heart. You may be overwhelmed by this sin, but you fight against it. There are sins that cannot be overcome quickly, you need to fight them constantly, just make sure not to relax, get tired and lose hope, that with God's help you will defeat them. Then, of course, it is simply necessary to receive communion.
Resentment is an understandable and natural human emotion. We all sometimes get offended by someone or offend ourselves. Many relationships are destroyed due to resentment, many human destinies are broken by this very feeling.
Resentment is aggression that hurts not so much the offender, but the one who was offended. After all, unspoken, unforgiven resentment eats away at the soul and can even cause harm to health.
According to psychologists, the ability to be offended appears in a person in childhood and accompanies us throughout our lives. At the same time, resentment is a normal emotion. It appears when something unpleasant happens to us. When Life is going not as planned. If we are not ready for unexpected turn events and we don’t know how to cope with an undesirable situation, then resentment arises - defensive reaction psyche for unforeseen difficulties.
Why is it difficult to offend some people and easy to offend others?
As statistics show, all people periodically experience feelings of resentment, it’s just that some are more touchy and others less so. Why is this happening? U different people different quantities“pain points”: some have more of them and they are clearly expressed, while others have fewer of them and they are carefully hidden. You can easily offend a person by unknowingly falling into his sore spot. On the other hand, we should not forget that someone who seems to us not to be offended may in fact not be so, he is simply accustomed to accumulating all the resentment in the depths of his soul, sometimes without admitting it even to himself.The main causes of grievances and why a person is touchy
There are three main reasons that cause a person to resent others.The first reason for resentment is manipulation, and deliberate manipulation. A person deliberately “pouts his lips” to evoke in another. Most often girls do this when they want to get what they want from a man.
The second reason is the inability to forgive. Unfortunately, this is precisely what causes most grievances. If you look at this reason from the other side, then it can also be called manipulation, only unconscious. In this case, the person himself often does not understand why he was offended. I was just offended - that's all. But he knows very well how the offender can make amends for his guilt.
And the third reason for grievances is disappointed expectations. For example, a woman hopes that her beloved will give her a fur coat, but instead he gives her a large one. soft toy. Or does a person expect that difficult situation friends will offer help without any requests from him, but they do not offer. This is where resentment is born.
Mostly people become touchy under stress or in a quarrel with a loved one. Those who are in a state of serious illness are usually especially touchy: they are often offended not only by loved ones, but also by the whole world. This feeling is characteristic mainly of the elderly and people with severe disabilities. People who feel sorry for themselves and love themselves too much are often offended by everything. They can be upset by even the most harmless jokes or remarks made about them.
What is resentment and how does it happen?
We cannot get rid of resentment completely, since this feeling will be experienced by us at least sometimes. But to control this emotion we can, although deep down we will still continue to feel hurt. If this were not the case, people would turn into insensitive dolls. But it should be remembered that in psychology there is such a concept as touchiness, that is, a tendency to constant insults on everyone and everything. You can and should get rid of touchiness. After all, it is no longer so much a feeling as negative trait character, undesirable state of mind.
Psychologists say that touchiness is a manifestation of our childhood ego. Even if a person is 40, 50 or 60 years old, deep down he may feel like a scared toddler or a rebellious youth. There is even an opinion that a child always lives inside an adult, and he can be either happy and joyful, or touchy and lonely. Fortunately, we will never be able to completely rid ourselves of this child in our soul. You just need to create the conditions in which it will be pleasant and comfortable for him to live.
However, in addition to the child who lives in our subconscious, an adult must live inside us at the level of consciousness, who will manage our feelings and life in general. Thus, an adult can, after a fleeting influx of emotions, calmly and judiciously continue the conversation, without being offended by the words of the interlocutor (even if they hurt him a little), and calmly talk about his feelings. For example: “I'm sorry, but your words hurt me. I hope you didn’t offend me deliberately.” After such a phrase, the interlocutor will most likely have a feeling of guilt and remorse, even if in fact he previously fully understood that he was offending you. However, more often than not we offend each other unconsciously, and if this happens, then it is better for the person who was offended to immediately express his feelings in a correct and polite form. Then many unpleasant situations will be instantly clarified, and you will not have any resentment left in your soul and you will be able to maintain good friendly relations with the person who unwittingly offended you.
But often, unfortunately, we do not want to listen to each other. We hear only ourselves and the “offended child” inside us. But if you respect your interlocutor and want to really stay with him a good relationship, then you must definitely clarify the unpleasant situation that has arisen, even if the discussion causes you pain: this is the position of an adult, mature person.
To gain the ability to overcome grievances and resentment, you first need to learn to express your feelings. Very often people say this: “You are doing bad, you are offending me, you are driving me crazy,” that is, they blame it on their opponent. It’s much better to say: “It’s unpleasant for me when you do this, your words are offensive to me.” If we talk more often about how we feel this moment, then we will begin to realize that we always experience some kind of emotion - this is very important to understand.
Also in psychology there is the concept of mental resentment. This is a resentment that never goes away, and a person is constantly offended by something. Perhaps some of our readers will be indignant and say that this cannot happen. But this, alas, is true. As we have already said, the tendency to take offense appears in childhood because adults pay attention to a child who blows his lips faster than to a child who is calm and content with what is happening. The kid understands very quickly: in order to be heard and paid attention to, you must always pretend to be offended. People with mental resentment, even in childhood, develop the habit of being constantly “humiliated and insulted.” Already as an adult, such a person begins to manipulate others, causing them to feel guilty.
Getting rid of mental resentment is quite difficult. This is already a feature, part of his life, but you can get rid of other types of grievances. This is what we will discuss further.
Consequences of frequent grievances
If a person does not engage in self-development and continues to be offended by everything, this can not only cause the development of all kinds of diseases (the so-called psychosomatic factor), but also lead to the loss of friends and permanent problems, even divorce. It is not for nothing that the Bible calls pride one of the most serious sins, because it is because of pride that a person is most often offended. Because of an unforgiven offense that eats away at the soul, a person may for a long time engage mainly in attempts to take revenge on your offender, invent various plans to sweep. This will occupy all his thoughts, and meanwhile he own life will pass by, and when he finally notices it, it may be too late.
Anyone who walks around with resentment in his soul gradually develops dissatisfaction with life, he does not notice all its charms and colors, and negative feelings eat away at his personality more and more. Then irritability, anger at others, nervousness and a state of constant stress may appear.
How to cope with resentment and stop being offended
- First, you must understand that often your offender has no idea that someone is offended by him, that he hurt someone. If you realize this, you will also understand that there is no point in being offended by a person who will never know about it. And if you want to clarify the situation, then you will have to tell him about your negative feelings Oh. In the end, your resentment will pass one way or another.
- Chinese sages They believe that resentment eats us from the inside, and a person who cannot forgive someone lives in constant stress and destroys his soul. So is it worth holding a grudge against someone, causing harm first of all to yourself? Try it and you will immediately feel relief.
- Try from unpleasant situation take away something useful for yourself. If a person offended you, it means that he touched your sore spot, told the truth in your face (after all, very often we are offended by the unpleasant truth). Try to understand why what was said hurt you so much, admit at least to yourself that there is some truth in the words of the offender, and thank him for saying unpleasant things to your face and not spreading rumors behind your back. This alone is worthy of respect, not offense.
- Always try to understand a person before getting offended by him. Perhaps he did it unconsciously, he simply behaves this way in principle. If a person is aggressive or rude, perhaps it is not you at all, but some of his life circumstances: maybe he is having problems at work or in personal life. Taking out your irritation on others, of course, is not good, but, alas, not everyone can resist this. So in such a case, it is better for the readers of MirSovetov not to be offended by the rude person, but to try to help him or at least show sympathy.
- If you have been offended by a stranger whom you will never meet again, you should not keep the offense to yourself. Just forget about her, because nothing connects you with this person. If you caused offense close friend or a relative, then you can’t do without a frank conversation. But you need to start such a conversation only when you have cooled down and put your emotions in order.
- Very often people are offended that another person did not live up to their expectations. Understand that no one can read the thoughts of others, and if you want a person to act in a certain way, you need to ask him about it, and not wait until he himself guesses about your desire, and then be offended if this does not happen.
- If you can’t forget a grudge, and all the persuasion that being offended is pointless and stupid doesn’t help, then you should use NLP technique. It usually works flawlessly. Take a piece of paper, write on it the name of the person you are offended by, and express everything that hurts you. Then re-read your list and burn it, imagining how your resentment and aggression burn along with the sheet.
- You can also take a piece of paper and write on it: “I forgive my friend, mother, father, etc. for the insults they inflicted on me (list all the insults).” Write this 70 times daily for 30 days, and gradually you will feel your resentment go away.
- Take a pillow or punching bag and imagine that it is your abuser. Express everything that is on your soul, hit or shout - in general, give vent to your resentment and aggression. Do this until you feel relief.
All people are emotional beings. This is our nature. Some are more, some are less. So, more emotional people prone to touchiness and holding grudges against other people. Below I will explain why this happens. In this article we will talk about how to stop being angry and offended by people. This skill will save your nerves and relationships with other people.
I believe that the habit of being offended is mainly characteristic of women. They love to pout and sit on men’s necks in such a stupid way. It doesn't really look attractive to men. And if a man is constantly offended, then this is generally funny. A man should behave like a man, not like a woman. And women should stop being offended and angry at men over trifles.
Before I tell you about effective ways that will help you stop being angry and offended by everyone, let’s first understand who exactly a person is offended by and why. A person certainly cannot be offended or angry at everyone. A person is offended only by people who are significant to him. Those people who don't matter to him won't hurt him.
Personally, I can be angry for a long time at a person significant to me who messed up somewhere and in something. But on ordinary person, which I barely notice, I won't be offended. I may not even notice his joint. For example, I may be offended by a significant other if he did not do what I asked. He or she ignored me and this can really hurt me. But if another person who is insignificant to me does not fulfill my request, it will not hurt me, because his attention is not important to me. Didn't do it and that's okay.
Or here’s another example: a significant person did not respond to the SMS, that is, he simply ignored everything. Such a case can seriously hurt. But if an insignificant person does not respond to an SMS, then we may not even notice it. You sent him an SMS and perhaps forgot about it yourself.
My first conclusion: a person is offended and angry at people who are significant to him. All other people don't bother him because they don't matter to him.
A person can be offended for the same reasons. For example, if they didn’t greet him, didn’t do what he asked, when they don’t listen to his opinions, don’t value him, don’t reciprocate, and so on. To be honest, in such cases it is difficult not to be offended. Well, who will be happy if you are constantly ignored or disrespected?
My second conclusion: a person gets angry at other people because they do not behave the way he would like. For example, a girl may get angry with a guy if he does not give her the attention that she demands from him. That is, his behavior does not meet her expectations and requirements.
How to stop being angry and offended by everyone?
So, to stop being offended and angry at people, you need to start "dance" from these conclusions. I think I'm offended by significant people it's quite normal. Being offended by everyone is very bad.. On this site I photograph babes with very dirty desires: capable of giving out scat or triple fucking. I love the feeling that they obey me absolutely and I can do whatever I want. If you do this, then it is not surprising that you do not have good relationships with people.
Touchy man becomes closed off from other people. It’s hard to contact him, and just be around him. Therefore, you should realize that touchiness spoils relationships with people. Contacts with people are completely cut off. You just don't communicate with them because you're offended and angry, and that doesn't lead to anything.
Learn to forgive people. This is the most important skill In human life. If you cannot forgive a person, then simply cut off contact with him once and for all. I do this often. I only communicate with those I like. If I don’t like a person, I don’t communicate with him, or I communicate only on business.
Forgiving people is not as easy as it seems. In words it sounds simple, like, forgive him/her and that’s it, you will be happy. No, it won’t work that way, although I sometimes practiced alone interesting method. I just pretended nothing happened. That is, I was offended inside, but outwardly it looked as if I had forgotten what happened. This behavior makes a person attractive to other people. A touchy person is NOT attractive. How do you want to look: attractive or not attractive? Show your independence and self-sufficiency with such interesting behavior.
When I tested this method, it was clear that at first the person was a little surprised. It seems like yesterday he was angry, but today he behaves quite normally. Automatically, this behavior attracts people. Touchy people are 1000% repulsed by their unattractive behavior. So start practicing this style of behavior. But it is not suitable in all cases. If you have been insulted, humiliated, and so on, then it is better for you to stop contacting the offender, or to attack him in response so that he is afraid to do this next time.
Another powerful way to stop being angry with people is to stop demanding anything from them, stop expecting. For example, a girl likes one guy and automatically expects him to special behavior or reciprocity. If he does not reciprocate her feelings and does not behave the way she wants, then she begins to be offended by him. A lot of people fall for this rake. Remember one thing: no one owes you anything. Do not demand from a person what he cannot or does not want to give you. Once you realize this, you will stop being offended and angry at people.
And finally get down to business. Do you have nothing better to do than be offended by people? Surely there are more interesting things to do. You can take out your anger at the gym. By the way, the punching bag is very excellent.
Finally, I can tell you that not everything is so simple. In some cases, these methods really work, but sometimes the resentment lingers in the head and heart for a long time. Only time will help you, it heals. I myself can be offended and angry with a person for months, but over time everything is forgotten and ceases to matter.
It should be remembered that anger and resentment suck a lot of energy out of you, do not allow you to focus on the main thing, and do not allow you to live normally. It is to your advantage to get rid of these feelings. A powerful tool is switching attention. For example, after a vacation I forget about everything that happened before the vacation. You may find your own way to switch attention.
That's all for me. You can describe your problems below the article. Let's try to figure it out together.
how to stop being angry, how to stop being offended by everyone
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The content of the article:
Touchiness is a negative emotion (selfishness, arrogance) that has become a stable character trait. It manifests itself as resentment, as a result of which a person considers himself offended. On this basis, he may develop a feeling of envy and revenge. Inherent in to a greater extent infantile individuals who often see a catch in communication, an infringement of their rights and freedoms, even in a situation that seems conflict-free at first glance.
Description and mechanism of development of touchiness
Before we talk about resentment, let's understand what resentment is. It is inherent in absolutely all people, it has a range of shades. It manifests itself as grief, a reaction to trouble, insult, humiliation or persecution. But for some, it’s a slap in the soul, which can develop into blood feud.
Let's say the behavior loved one not at all what I would like to see. This causes a feeling of annoyance - a lot of resentment towards him. Another option: you always treated your friend well, supported him in Hard time and did not consider it a cost of communication. And now you are in trouble, and he is on the sidelines. It is bitter to be disappointed in people, to lose faith in them, but, unfortunately, sometimes this happens in our lives.
About the roots of this unpleasant feeling. If resentment gnaws at the soul constantly and gives no peace, it becomes a character trait. Far from the best, which can be characterized as touchiness. Often a touchy person is vindictive because of the seemingly simplest everyday little things. Let's say a person had a fight, his anger is hidden and does not go away, he still dreams of taking revenge on his offender.
Touchiness as a character trait can be traced back to childhood. There is a logical explanation for this. Small man(boy or girl) is defenseless, so his offense is a kind of defense mechanism. By screaming, crying, and stamping his feet, the baby often forces attention to himself and gets his way. Often a child deliberately manipulates this behavior in the confidence that it will force him to be taken into account.
And if parents indulge their child just to avoid his hysteria, over time he will grow into an “emotional” scoundrel. A selfish man who adult life will build only on confrontation with others. A little something went wrong, and he already has a grudge: towards his loved ones, friends - towards the whole world. This is typical for both men and women. There is no big difference here, although women's touchiness has some of its own characteristics.
And this is no longer a defensive childish reaction, but a pathological character trait. In contrast to ordinary resentment, which can be a response to, say, unfulfilled expectations. For example, they look at their neighbor as good friend, and he turns out to be a boor and a scoundrel. And disappointment sets in. However, time passes, the grief is forgotten. Life goes on.
In psychology there is such a thing as mental resentment. This is when a person is constantly offended by everyone. No matter what anyone tells him, he is all wrong. This is already a pathology mental development in need of psychological correction.
It is important to know! Touchiness is an unpleasant character trait that grows out of childhood grievances. For some people, it may become dominant in life, which is evidence of a mental disorder.
Who is susceptible to touchiness?
Both men and women are susceptible to touchiness. As a result of research, psychologists have concluded that people with a developed right hemisphere of the brain (responsible for intuition, emotional condition) are more touchy. But who is used to thinking logically ( left hemisphere), not so angry.
Different types characters are also differently susceptible to this negative emotion. The people who are most indignant are melancholic people who have been experiencing their psychological trauma for a long time. And it can be inflicted by choleric people - explosive, often unbridled individuals in the manifestation of their feelings. Due to their tough character, resentment often develops into revenge. Phlegmatic and sanguine people are the least touchy; they are more resistant to various kinds troubles and strive not to offend anyone themselves.
Whatever the type of character, a person must be able to restrain his emotions. You shouldn’t throw them out on other people, but you shouldn’t keep them to yourself either. You must always behave calmly. This will save you from many troubles in life.
The main causes of touchiness
The reasons for touchiness lie in the mental makeup of the individual. For example, the husband got into stressful situation because of a quarrel with his wife or vice versa - she quarreled with her husband. If one of them has touchiness as a character trait, such a situation can ruin the relationship for a long time, even leading to divorce. And only a psychologist can help here.
The causes of touchiness are different, and in a specific situation they can also manifest themselves in different ways, although in most cases a certain pattern can be traced. Let's take a closer look at all these factors:
- Infantilism. An adult resembles a child in his behavior. He is still offended just as he was in childhood, and cannot “stop” in any way. The reason for this behavior may be weakness of will. When it is easiest to hide behind resentment your inability or unwillingness to do what is required. He hides his weakness under the guise of resentment, saying, “Nobody understands me, everyone around me is bad.”
- . Another person deliberately seems offended; for example, he frowns, is reluctant to talk, and with his whole appearance shows that he has been unfairly offended. This is actually a childish trick to achieve a favorable attitude towards oneself. It is often used by the female sex, hoping to “pout” to attract male attention.
- Vindictiveness. It develops when they cannot or do not want to forgive. Resentment blurs the eyes, grows until the “end of the world”, except for it, nothing is visible. Such anger often has a social background. All southern peoples are very touchy due to their Old Testament traditions. They became touchy national trait character and manifests itself as bloody revenge.
- Unfulfilled hopes . Touchiness here can be momentary in nature, but it can also be “global,” that is, long-lasting. For example, a child was offended because dad promised to buy a smartphone, but gave him a cheap mobile phone. This simple insult, and may soon be forgotten. But if a girl married a man on whom she trusted big hopes, but it turned out that she married “a goat who only drinks”, this is already a big insult and trauma associated with inflated expectations.
- Stressful situation. When a person is in a difficult situation, let’s say depression sets in due to a quarrel with his wife (husband). Resentment and anger are not the best advisor here; this can lead to serious consequences in a relationship. A serious illness or physical disability or injury can also cause resentment. Such people feel that they are not given due attention. Sometimes envy healthy people can become such a “touchy” factor.
- Betrayal of a loved one. Let’s say I believed him, but he didn’t help in a difficult situation. I didn’t borrow money when I asked him, although I could have easily.
- Suspiciousness. A suspicious person is touchy. He always doubts everything, and therefore does not trust anyone. When he is reproached for this, he can be offended for a long time.
- Introvert. When a person is immersed in his inner world, he can carry his touchiness within himself for years, mentally playing out how he will be able to take revenge on his offender.
- Pride. Always the companion of touchiness. Arrogant man cannot even admit the thought that someone could say bad things about him. And if this happens, he gets offended.
It is important to know! All people are offended, but not all take their offense to anger and hatred, which often lead to criminal offenses.
Signs of touchiness in a person
One of the main signs of touchiness should be considered anger. Characterized by to varying degrees manifestations - indignation, irritation, indignation, anger, rage. But this does not always happen. It all depends on the type of personality, and therefore all manifestations of touchiness have certain personal characteristics.
These include:
- Change in complexion. From an insult, a melancholic person may turn pale and outwardly react weakly, but deep in the soul the insult blooms magnificently. The choleric person will blush and react violently: screaming, waving his fists, swearing, that is, he becomes aggressive. Someone is very worried, his hands are shaking, while others are as quiet as water. For some, blood pressure rises and spasms in the throat begin.
- Intonation changes. A person can scream, swear (choleric) or swallow the insult in silence, that is, withdraw into himself (melancholic).
- Vindictiveness. Often, touchiness turns into feelings such as anger and revenge, when resentment lurks deep in the soul and seeks its way out in the decision to take revenge on the offender at all costs.
- Insidiousness. Touchiness can be hidden under the guise of goodwill, but in fact a person harbors evil thoughts towards the one who offended.
- Irritation. Spills out on others. A touchy person blames everyone for his inconsistencies, because everyone is to blame for him - relatives, friends (if he has not lost them yet) and acquaintances.
- Closedness. Often such people retreat into their resentment and become sullen towards others.
- Disease. Chronic illness, injury or injury may cause increased sensitivity. It’s hard for a person, he understands his condition, he envies healthy people, and therefore he is offended by the whole world.
- Striving for glory. If a person is vain, he is offended by everyone who did not appreciate him.
- Arrogance, pride. People who consider themselves superior to others are easily offended by those who do not.
It is important to know! If a person is fixated on his touchiness, this is already a reason to turn to a psychologist to get rid of his addiction.
How to get rid of resentment
Touchiness does not make a person beautiful. Such people are often prone to outbursts of rage, which can lead to the sad end of themselves or those towards whom the unbridled anger is directed. You need to be able to cope with your resentment on your own and know how to control it. If this happens, we can say about such a person that he is quite mature, his level psychological preparation quite high. He solves his problems successfully.
Independent actions to combat resentment
Here are some tips on how to deal with resentment yourself:
- Learn to shift your attention. If you are offended, there is no need to blame others for everything. Just think, if this happens, it means that I myself am to blame for something. Maybe the reason lies in me. Don't get angry and try to figure everything out. Logic and intelligence will help you find the right decision. You will maintain your calm and not enter into a completely unnecessary conflict.
- Don't get into a fight. After listening to the attacks, do not get excited, but try to cool down the ardor of those who are attacking you, saying, for example, that such words are unpleasant to hear. Such a phrase, spoken calmly and kindly, will help settle a quarrel. Of course, if the person who started it feels remorse. In any case, pride, when there is no desire to listen to your opponent, but wants to send him to hell, is not the best adviser in a flared up resentment.
- Know how to speak tactfully. Without rudeness or swearing. Even if a person is wrong, you should not tell him this in a rude manner or with a feeling of, say, such joy, like, I knew that it would be completely different, but you didn’t listen. Only a sense of tact will help defeat ill will and nip a quarrel in the bud.
- Don't take even mean jokes with offense. Know how to approach everything with a certain amount of humor. The offender will understand that you will not be “caught” and will leave you behind.
It is important to know! Touchiness is not the best adviser. Only the ability to carry on a conversation will help you forget about her.
Psychological methods of dealing with resentment
Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to cope with their irritation towards other people. In this case, a psychologist will tell you how to get rid of touchiness. He will teach you how to deal with your problem. Various psychological techniques Much, which one to follow depends on the specialist.
Gestalt therapy techniques are well suited. They focus on adjusting emotions, which Gestal therapists believe underlie human behavior. If you understand the cause of negative feelings, you can get rid of them, then your behavior will change. And this is already the key to victory over touchiness.
The technique of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is popular, although it does not have official status. Perceptions, beliefs and behavior determine our lives, if you change them, you can get rid of psychological trauma. For example, on a piece of paper you should write down the name of your offender and everything you have against him. Then burn this piece of paper. All your grievances will disappear along with the ashes. You can write him a letter on the computer without being embarrassed about your emotions. Just beat and burn smart car no need. This certainly won't make it any easier.
Another way: beat a pillow with your hands, or, if possible, a punching bag, and take out all your rage on them. This will give vent to all the resentment and anger. In Japan, some offices have installed a stuffed boss, and every clerk can beat him until exhaustion. This is how he gives vent to his aggression, because it is known that no one likes bosses. This one is pure psychological method It is not accidental, it has been established that after such a release of “steam”, labor productivity increases significantly.
Another effective way How to get rid of touchiness is to start a “Journal of Resentment.” Draw it into four columns and write down your feelings in detail in each:
- "Resentment". In what situation did she appear?
- "Expectations". What was expected, say, from a partner, and what actually happened.
- "Analysis". Why expectations turned out to be wrong, who is to blame for this, you or your partner.
- "Conclusions". Based on the analysis, determine what the right thing to do is to change the situation for the better.
It is important to know! Resentment as a mental disorder is completely curable. You just have to really want it.
Medical solution to the problem of touchiness
When touchiness controls the life of an individual and fills his entire essence, this is already a pathology. Such a person is dangerous to others. Resentment speaks in him, it develops into rage and the desire to take revenge at all costs, which becomes manic. This may end in suicide or murder of one's alleged offender.
Such people are isolated from society and placed in a psychiatric hospital, where they can stay for a long time, sometimes even for life. They are prescribed psychotropic and sedative drugs to bring down manic psychosis and put them in order and calm them down. nervous system.
How to get rid of touchiness - watch the video:
Resentment is far from the best human feeling, it is unpleasant and causes a lot of trouble. If a person knows how to control his emotions, troubles do not knock him out of his usual rhythm of life. Self-control helps to “resolve” problems and helps you always remain calm and balanced in any situation. Everyone respects such a person. If touchiness causes serious concern, you need to get rid of it yourself or with the help of a psychologist. Even extremely emotional people can do this.