It turns out that there are a number of methods that will help block the appearance of bad thoughts or cope with them if they have already come. Most of these methods are proposed by American psychologist Daniel Wegner, who has devoted decades of her life to the problem.
1. Switch
Don't try not to think about the white monkey - think about the black one. Or better yet, about the purple flamingo. Try to switch your consciousness to some other subject that you also really like to think about, but which also has positive connotations. Give yourself a few “continued” thoughts that raise more and more new questions and the need for answers to them - which means they draw you into a completely different stream of thinking. Is it true that Brad Pitt has silicone muscles? I read about this somewhere. But if this is so, then how does he use them? After all, silicone is not capable of contracting like real muscles - or is there some way to make it do this? And there is also a conspiracy theory according to which our Earth is really flat, and only a cabal of evil scientists has been convincing us of its spherical shape for several centuries. Wait, what about satellite images and recordings from space? And they are falsified by the same scientists. What about the poles? There is only one pole - the North Pole, it is in the center of the flat, disk-like Earth, and along the edges of the disk are glaciers, which scientists pass off as Antarctica. And so on - soon the seething stream of this nonsense will take you in a completely new direction*.
* S. Hayes “Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.” New Harbinger Publications, 2005.
2. Avoid stress
Some people believe that a strong impression will help them cope with obsessive thoughts - for example, a scandal with neighbors or a naked run through a winter city at night. However, research shows that the more shock you give to your emotions, the weaker it is in the face of the “alien invasion” of uninvited thoughts. On the contrary, try to calm down and rest - the more strength you have and the better your brain is, the better your chances of repelling the attack*.
* D. Wegner “Setting free the bears: escape from thought suppression.” American Psychologist, 2011.
3. Put aside bad thoughts
Agree with the obsessive thought - you will definitely pay attention to it, but only later. Include “half an hour for painful thoughts” in your daily schedule - but not before bed, but, for example, in the middle of the working day. By thinking during your lunch break about what's weighing you down, you can quickly take your mind off your problems and get back to work. Sooner or later, the subconscious will get used to the fact that obsessive thoughts have their own time with strictly defined limits, and will stop bothering you at other times. Now you can think about how to eliminate annoying thoughts at this time* D
4. Focus on the obsession
Once upon a time, a patient came to the great physician Abu Ali ibn Sina who complained that his eyelid was twitching. Ibn Sina prescribed him an extremely dubious remedy: every hour to begin deliberately blinking his obstinate eyelid. The patient grinned, but promised to strictly follow the instructions. A few days later he came to thank the doctor. Like the remedy prescribed by Ibn Sina, this method works on the principle of “by contradiction”: when an obsessive thought comes to you, try to force yourself to think about it from all sides, turn it this way and that, make yourself afraid that it will escape you , - and you will soon feel that her grip is weakening and she herself would be glad to run away from you*.
* D. Wegner “Setting free the bears: escape from thought suppression.” American Psychologist, 2011.
5. Recognize the inevitability of a bad thought.
Another method, partly similar to the previous one, is to replace the fear of the appearance of an unkillable thought with complete indifference to it. Learn to think about it as something external: for example, if it is the thought that your loved one has abandoned you, get used to the idea that this thought has nothing to do with him (or her), but exists on its own: here Now I’ll go to bed, and my Number One Thought will come to me again. Accustom yourself to the fact that this thought does not develop and does not tell you anything new - it simply comes and goes, like twelve o’clock at night or winter come and go. And very soon you will feel that she is really leaving*.
* H. Russ “The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT.” Random House, 2007.
6. Meditate
Meditation is a great way to organize your mind, making your thoughts controllable. Practice it daily, trying to achieve a state of complete absence of thoughts. It's not easy, but if you learn how to do it, you can induce this state at will, including it at the time of day when you are most susceptible to bad thoughts, or in the situation when you become most vulnerable to them. If a bad thought does not receive positive reinforcement in the form of your willingness to devote your brain resources to it, it begins to weaken - and soon fades away*.
* D. Orman “Stop Negative Thinking: How To Stop Worrying, Relieve Stress, and Become a Happy Person Again.” TRO Productions, 2003.
7. Think about your goals
How is a bad thought different from gas? Gas, as we know from a physics textbook, occupies the entire available volume, and a bad thought is not yet provided... It teaches us to concentrate on it, forgetting that there is so much good in the world that it is much more pleasant to think about. Obsessive thoughts are especially popular with people who have neither a major lifelong goal nor an interesting hobby. Take yourself out of a state of sad thoughts by thinking about the path to success, about what will bring you satisfaction. If you make an effort, you will gradually be able to train yourself to have positive dreams*.
* D. Wegner “Setting free the bears: escape from thought suppression.” American Psychologist, 2011.
Fortiter ac firmiter.
"Strong and strong."
Nikias walked along the corridors, rushing to tell his lady the good news as soon as possible. He finally finished Gray's treatment and now could not meet with the sorcerer. At least alone in empty chambers... Brrr! How disgusting it was to come to him every day! Damian could not restrain himself at all, unceremoniously invading his personal space, mocking him. And every time with such a smile.
The magician took a deep breath and exhaled with a significant amount of relief. Will you really no longer have to endure his selfish antics? Caitlin, his mistress, promised to find out the motives for this madness, but so far she has learned nothing. The always serious and aloof sorcerer had changed suspiciously in the last couple of weeks. But no one could understand the nature of these changes.
Meanwhile, Damian became more persistent and sophisticated. He was no longer limited to light, pseudo-random touches of Nikias's hands and face. And he almost kissed him for the last time when Nikias helped change the bandage.
And what about Nikias himself? Yes, he was closer than ever to hysterics! Man... no, not like that. Man! A man tried to seduce him! Yes, this is unnatural! It can’t be like that, it shouldn’t be like that! Nature, and God himself, created people of different sexes, and Gray introduced dissonance into the original idea of the Creator.
Each time he acted more and more assertively and did not disdain to use magic for his base, perverted purposes. Even Nikias, like many people, could not resist him, could not shield himself from his crushing power. Every day I had to resist fiercely, and it became more and more difficult.
Nikias! - they called out to him. The magician turned around, his pupils involuntarily dilated. - I need to tell you something.
I am really busy! - Nikias tried to run away, but the nimble sorcerer managed to catch him by the hand.
You’ll have to stop,” he pulled Nikias, and the magician found himself almost pressed against the wall. Damian approached him and bared his teeth carnivorously. Hunter over prey, no less. Yes, that’s exactly how Nikias’s every day went for almost a week now.
Stop! You have already gone beyond all acceptable limits! - the magician exclaimed, pulling his hand away.
“I didn’t even start,” the sorcerer slowly leaned towards him. Nikias deftly ducked, almost imperceptibly jumped out from under his hand and carefully backed away.
Isn’t now the best time to visit Mrs. Caitlin? - he suggested fearfully, looking into his dark eyes sparkling with displeasure.
“And I’ll come in someday,” the sorcerer grumbled, unhooking himself from the wall. -Are you going to run away from me forever?
“As long as possible,” the magician answered evasively, retreating.
And you're not interested at all? - Damian looked up at him, smiling slightly mockingly. But for some reason, it was this look of his that made Nikias, who was used to being in charge, feel especially uncomfortable.
This is unnatural! - the magician repeated the words he had already spoken once. - You are acting contrary to the laws of nature.
The sorcerer only chuckled contemptuously, placing his hand on his side.
“I don’t see anything wrong with my desires,” he objected. - Pleasure is not divided by gender. It simply is.
Nikias exhaled tiredly. This was not the first time he had heard these speeches, but until now he could not understand their meaning. How can someone be attracted to someone of the same gender? After all, the differences were what attracted and caught the eye. Men are similar to each other, just like women. But they are radically different from each other. They differ in body, thoughts, and the very manifestations of feelings! And understanding the nature of these mysterious creatures was what made one want them.
And of course, primitive instincts immediately woke up, as soon as one allowed only a fleeting thought about the ancient act of prolonging life.
Please, Damian,” Nikias begged once again. - Stop it, please.
But how interesting it is to watch your thoughts at such moments,” the sorcerer was amused. -You don't think at all like you say.
Of course, because I’m afraid of you,” the magician nodded in agreement. Arguing with someone who can kill with a snap of his fingers without even thinking about it is really dangerous. And Nikias understood perfectly well that it was useless to compete in strength with Gray.
“That’s only half the truth,” Damian said pointedly, raising an eyebrow. Nikias tried to come up with any excuse just to escape from the sorcerer, who had so suddenly decided to deepen their already not very warm relationship.
“And I’m also worried,” the magician squinted his eyes suspiciously. - But you yourself don’t let me see anything. I hid all my thoughts behind a shield, it’s hard for me to understand you.
So ask,” he approached again and extended his open palm. - Yes, I didn’t just get bored in the palace of your beloved Master Rein.
Nikias did not know where to escape from the horror mixed with curiosity. Any slightest manifestation of tenderness on the part of this man evoked primal fear, which made me want to hide in the farthest corner. In any other situation, Nikias would not have tolerated such treatment of his person. And if polite requests ceased to work, he would calmly use the power given to him and clearly explain the consequences of such vile actions. It's just Gray...
Do you want to hit me? - Damian asked insinuatingly. Nikias recoiled, not noticing his rapid approach. The sorcerer peered interestedly into the green of his eyes, imposingly positioned himself at an inadmissible distance.
Sometimes such thoughts come to mind,” the magician answered cautiously, backing away as far as possible from him until he again bumped into the wall. Damian bared his teeth again, as if he was already anticipating an interesting game. It became scary until my knees trembled. Nikias had rarely felt such unaccountable terror. Usually he was so worried when his mistress, who was also his beloved woman, was on the verge of death.
“Don’t be so scared of me,” the sorcerer said affectionately, resting his hand on the wall near his head. - I don’t bite at all.
He carefully, so as not to inadvertently scare him away, approached his face, peering piercingly into his suddenly widened eyes. His frightened and uncertain look was something new and untried for the sorcerer, experienced in a wide variety of emotions. When your views differ from the generally accepted ones, it becomes a very interesting activity to find a like-minded person. At all times there have been people like him: not dividing humanity into women and men. And even if there were very few of them. Finding them is no less exciting than later receiving a reward for your efforts.
Nikias seemed numb from his burning gaze. The whole world stopped, every movement of the sorcerer seemed so slow and viscous. All extraneous sounds disappeared, he heard only his heartbeat, which echoed in his ears as a deafening roar. Now was the very moment when it was necessary to run without looking back, despite the fear. But why does he so desperately resist this desire and simply look into those almost black eyes?
This is so much better,” a quiet, seductive whisper fanned his cheek with hot breath. “Magic... it’s just magic... so why?” Nikias tried his best to pull himself together, instilling this simple truth into his own consciousness. Only it, as if in mockery, ignored every word, dissolving in the depths of those enchanting eyes.
Enough games! - Nikias squeezed out of himself through force. The piercing gaze softened, became almost affectionate, caring.
“I told you,” Damian caught his hand, intertwining his fingers, “no games.” I am serious.
Nikias twitched, already preparing to extricate himself from this strange captivity, but a hot, sharp tongue, so unusually tenderly licking his earlobe, forced him to instinctively shudder. Panic grew in my chest, squeezing my desperately beating heart with tenacious claws. It’s strange... it wasn’t disgusting and disgusting like before. And even the always aggressive Gray wasn’t so scary now.
Damian... - Nikias called with a breath. The sorcerer smiled sweetly, pulling away slightly, and immediately came across the hungry gaze of usually frightened emerald eyes.
“Stop thinking,” he said in an instructive tone, decisively pulling him along with him.
Nikias still tried to resist. He was well aware of the seducer’s dirty intentions, but he never took a single step back. He only obediently followed in the suggested direction. My head was ready to explode from overwhelming thoughts. To his great amazement, the magician felt Gray's mood, every fleeting feeling. Of course, he still hid his plans, but these emotions... yes, they overwhelmed him.
Damian led him into chambers, he had no idea which ones. They were still in the guest wing of the palace, so it can be assumed that they were intended specifically for guests. This means, due to certain circumstances, they were completely empty. The sorcerer did not even want to look around the room - if he broke eye contact, the now compliant victim might wake up and run away.
With some sixth sense, Nikias realized the mistake he was making and his own helplessness in front of him. But that amazing range of feelings, which Damian was unable to hide, was simply mesmerizing. Pride and self-satisfaction prevailed, of course, but in complete contrast, a strange joy was also discernible, mixed with excited fear. And also... a little bit of happiness. The same happiness that a small child experiences when he sees his dad and mom. Pure, bright... so unusual for this dark man.
Tell me, do you still think that my actions are wrong? - the sorcerer whispered insinuatingly, carefully drawing the magician to him. He did not let go of his hand, squeezing his palm more and more tightly. Nikias shrugged his shoulders, turning over the words in his head, but never finding the right one. I wanted madly to know the reasons for that mysterious feeling that flickered so fleetingly in the dark eyes.
“I don’t understand,” Nikias answered quite sincerely. He smiled affectionately, his hand trembling almost imperceptibly. Now the magician felt anxiety and anticipation emanating from him in waves. Worried?
That’s how it should be,” the palm slowly slid over the chest and stopped at the collar, unfastening the small buttons. It was clear that he was very uncomfortable doing this with one hand, but Damian stubbornly did not let go of their intertwined fingers. Where does he have so much tenderness in him? Or is it just excitement? Fears that your hard-won prize will run away?
What is this? - Nikias couldn’t resist asking. And again that gentle smile, as if he was already tired of explaining.
There is no need to talk about it, you yourself know the answer,” the sorcerer opened his unbuttoned shirt with such difficulty and slowly approached, taking it off his shoulders.
Nikias unconsciously leaned forward. The mind resisted every movement, shouted curses, helpfully telling him how disgusted he should be from such bodily contacts. But he doesn’t turn back... contrary to common sense, he was actually drawn to this man. To this man!
The magician carefully raised his hand, brought it closer to his face, and cautiously traced the outline of his lower lip with his thumb. Listening to his own feelings, he continued to study his face. He outlined the prominent cheekbones with his fingers and ran along the bridge of his nose. The sorcerer winced almost imperceptibly, his intertwined fingers began to tremble again. Nikias didn’t immediately understand his reaction, but then he remembered. After all, Gray couldn’t stand other people’s touches, but he steadfastly endured these bullying, never once looking away.
Damian was a little lost in the sensations. The usual panic rose in my chest as soon as someone else’s fingers fluttered across my face. Even if the touches were pleasant, his face and stomach were his weak points, and touching his hands always awakened an ancient phobia. He endured only out of the greatest necessity. If he pulled away now, Nikias would run away, his heels sparkling. And this cannot be allowed.
Frankly amazed at the sorcerer's determination, the magician no longer began to test his strength, carefully descending on his neck. Judging by his gaze that instantly lost tension and calmed emotions, he guessed that he could touch here. Although he was a little jarred by each timid movement of his fingers, compared to those feelings, Damian was now quite calm. Nikias smiled for the first time, finally learning something about him that even Caitlin didn't know. And why did this make him so happy? No idea.
Do you want me to tell you something else? - the sorcerer suggested, clearly reading his last random thought. - If you promise to remain silent about it.
“I want,” Nikias nodded fervently, eagerly listening to every word, catching the movements of clearly defined lips.
“I like your hands much better than hers,” Damian whispered quietly, moving closer to his face. “And I also like your innocent thoughts.” I like to absorb my own feelings through the prism of your perception. You are the first one who can read minds, just like me. And this exchange is so intoxicating, do you feel how captivated I am by you?
Nikias swallowed convulsively, inhaling this cloying aroma. It smelled like pear and a little grape, but it was more tart, like musk. This was his inimitable and unique trail of aromas, which not everyone is destined to experience. I couldn’t wait to find out if the taste of his lips was the same or different?
The magician felt how the sorcerer internally laughed at his desires, and at the first second he scowled with insult. But after a moment there was no trace of anger left. Lips carelessly touched his own in a sensual kiss. There was no passion in him, just as there was no caution. Absolutely like a master, the tongue invaded his mouth, meeting almost no resistance.
Damian was pleasantly surprised when someone else's lips pliantly opened, allowing him to dominate this kiss. The thoughts that he was now reading in the magician’s head were difficult to characterize unambiguously. He tried in vain to bring himself back to consciousness, reminding him that these feelings were unreal, that these were only the consequences of magic. But at the same time, the sorcerer saw how he did not believe himself, how he strived to learn more in order to finally put his mind in order. The stupid ideals of inert public opinion were firmly ingrained in his head, forcing him to feel shame for his own actions.
“How much do you think,” Damian swore playfully again, burning with a sweet whisper. His hot lips moved to your ear, gently licking and biting. Nikias exhaled sharply, his palm unconsciously moved along his neck to the back of his head, and his fingers got tangled in his charcoal hair. Not to say it was unpleasant, but still panic stirred in his chest again, forcing the sorcerer to swallow, calming his psyche.
Now Nikias didn’t understand anything at all. The mind insisted that all this was wrong and disgusting, and meanwhile the body responded to every movement with a pulling languor somewhere in the lower abdomen. Nothing special happened in the meantime, just rapid breathing over his ear, and a hand leisurely ridding him of his shirt that was getting in the way. The sorcerer was experiencing the same contradictory feelings at that second, either worrying mixed with excitement, or falling into the stupor from a panic attack that had already been seen by the magician.
And now you’re acting strange,” Nikias remarked quietly, dropping his hand from the back of his head to his shoulder. - Are you okay?
“A little… confused,” the sorcerer answered for some reason in a trembling voice. But I still had to unclench my palm in order to finally take off my rather boring shirt.
You are not sure? - the magician was amazed. For a long time he was no longer aware of his actions, pulling up the clothing typical of sorcerers: a light black robe. - I don’t remember meeting you in such a state.
It happened a couple of times,” the sorcerer helped Nikias take off his clothes and threw them aside. The dark eyes flashed contentedly. - Is it so strange for you to see me like this?
It’s more strange this way,” Nikias carefully looked at him with an interested look, noting with regret that the male body did not repel him at all. However, it was not attractive.
How dispassionate,” the sorcerer noticed, briskly unbuttoned his pants and slowly took them off. Nikias seemed to sober up for a second, but when he encountered a penetrating gaze, the usual foggy haze returned. - No, today I won’t let you run away like that.
The magician did not answer, touching his broad chest with curiosity. Mmm, whatever you say, the touches are more compelling than just looking at his body. The sorcerer did not react in any way to this light touch. Although, why not? His breathing became unsteady, and craving clearly came to the fore in his emotions. What did he want more? Nikias stepped over the scattered clothes and forced the sorcerer to press against him, carefully kissing the corner of his lips. Stupid dope, so intoxicating that you can’t escape.
Damian smiled predatorily, even forgetting why he needed all this. However, in any case, the trap has slammed shut, and now you can allow yourself to enjoy the process. Moreover, he himself experienced a great variety of emotions of different strengths and colors. And he saw each one in the magician’s thoughts and felt it again in himself. Oh, how indescribable it is!
Nikias completely forgot in his arms and intoxication. It was extremely strange to feel this way in his arms. But the magician no longer wanted to run away from his own desires. Now he understood the sorcerer’s words a little better; it was impossible to feel something like that with a woman. It's embarrassing, but somehow especially pleasant.
He did not immediately realize that the sorcerer again touched the pit behind his ear with his lips, biting. Thousands of sparks flashed through the body, and my vision swam. It was difficult to discern anything in the veil, only the feeling of someone else's body. Belatedly, he also felt a slight pressure forcing him to retreat back. And until he collided with the bed, falling onto it in surprise, he did not understand at all what they had managed to approach.
Hovering over him, the sorcerer gently pushed him on the shoulder, causing Nikias to fall on his back. He himself didn’t stop for a moment, crawling on top and settling comfortably on his hips. The obvious excitement of both was clearly felt with every careless movement. Damian never left his thoughts, absorbing every cautious desire and every flickering emotion. And Nikias thought very loudly.
Stop trying to comprehend all this,” the sorcerer reprimanded him once again, unusually deftly tearing off both their underwear – the last obstacle that could stop them.
This is too much... - a new kiss did not allow him to finish. God, how different it was from the previous one! No more tenderness, no... just hot thirst! Yes, it was thirst, as if he had been waiting for several centuries. It was so profoundly exciting that my consciousness literally drowned in this pressure.
"More!" This one word was spinning in his head, making him forget about embarrassment and his own prejudices! "More!" Get it without reserve, regardless of the price offered. "More!" And he sees these thoughts, these desires, and fulfills each of them with humility. "More! Please think about it again!” Dirty lust mixed with the bright excitement in Gray's feelings, and now Nikias was a little afraid of him. But along with fear, he himself became infected with this lust, already confidently exploring his broad back with his hands, going down to his buttocks.
And Damian himself went crazy, greedily biting into those long-pliable lips. There is no need to be gentle or caring anymore. Gray is a fierce lover and even a little selfish. And after I achieved my goal, I no longer wanted to delay and deprive myself of all the pleasure. I spread his thighs with my knee, gently stroking the inside, covering his chest with random kisses. He had done this hundreds of times with hundreds of people, but now for some reason he hesitated. The excitement returned, although it was interrupted by wild desire.
Slowly he raised his head and touched his lips with his index finger. Nikias was breathing so quickly that he seemed about to suffocate or lose consciousness. His eyes burning with madness, however, as well as the same chaotic thoughts, made it clear that he would not think about anything else, and did not want to. The sorcerer gently pressed - a silent request to open his mouth.
Nikias was so immersed in these multifaceted feelings that he had already voluntarily abandoned any arguments of reason. He sucked the fingers in his mouth greedily, noting with pleasure Gray’s half-closed gaze and indescribable excitement. His lips were so temptingly parted, again there was a desire to dig into them, like into a bottle of excellent alcohol.
Damian laughed quietly at these thoughts, so different from those he had seen all these days. I even wanted to help, to make an usually painful process as pleasant as possible. Pulling it out of his mouth, he slowly lowered his hand and inserted one finger, peering intently into the dramatically changed face.
Oh! How painful! Nikias seemed to only now understand what exactly they wanted to do to him, and fidgeted restlessly. The sorcerer kissed him tenderly again, as if lulling him to sleep. My initiative immediately decreased, but not enough to completely relax. Gray saw how he wanted to run away, he almost decided to do it, but his hands just didn’t want to let go of his strong shoulders. The sorcerer caught his palm again and intertwined his fingers: don’t be afraid, they say, I’m here.
Quiet... relax... - he whispered languidly, with a slight hoarseness, into your ear, slightly licking it. - I'll try to be gentle.
Nikias considered several answers, but still remained silent, and the sorcerer just as carefully inserted a second finger, and after a few painful moments, a third. Damian had been the first many times, but he had never tried to share this pain before. He allowed other people's thoughts to flow through his consciousness, almost physically feeling the same as his partner. It was so new to him and at the same time painfully tempting.
There was no point in waiting any longer, and Damian pulled out his fingers, replacing them with what he was supposed to have. Nikias jerked in fear, the hand in his palm clenched convulsively. The sorcerer was in no hurry, acted as carefully as he could, but still, through his thoughts, he felt how painfully painful he was now. Gentle stroking of the buttocks and thighs was a little distracting, but quickly lost in the general flow of acute pain.
“I will share this pain with you,” the sorcerer whispered, waiting until he could begin. - Relax. Trust me.
Nikias clenched his teeth, holding back the screams that were bursting out. Tears involuntarily flowed from his eyes, and he closed his eyes, hiding this shameful weakness. However, there was no need to mention shame. The magician himself would not have dared to describe the entire chaotic cycle of feelings that he was now experiencing. But most importantly, it was incredibly painful and treacherously embarrassing.
All this time, Damian did not close his mind, fully feeling the whole palette of emotions. And when I finally received the mental green light, I tried my first timid movements. Nikias was shaking mercilessly, the first painful sob and groan broke the reigning silence. A gentle kiss and a few more careful movements, proven over the years, and moans were gradually filled with lust. And after a couple of dozen rough thrusts, they began to accumulate depraved lust.
Sex... how many facets does this seemingly simple activity have? With a fierce rhythm and a hoarse roar in your ear came a pleasure unique in its nature. Nikias understood that the sorcerer was no longer trying to keep himself in check, and very eloquent emotions indicated that it was not in vain that he waited inside him for so long until he got used to it. He accumulated excitement and was able to raise it to such a height that Nikias himself became infected with these feelings, despite the echoes of pain.
Hoarse moans... hot bodies... the cloying smell of perverted pleasure... All this was more mind-blowing than a couple of bottles of excellent booze. Damian did not close, greedily absorbing his every mental cry. Nikias did not allow himself to moan so openly, burying his lips in his shoulder. But in someone else’s head, for each of his rough pushes, the sorcerer received a stunning response in the form of sweet trembling and excited screams.
He lowered his hand to the groin area, squeezing, stroking with his palm. Low growling moans still reached his ears, and the sorcerer echoed them with the same depraved hum. Tension covered the entire body, spreading from bottom to top, filling every cell. The rhythm broke, accelerated to the impossible, until it suddenly froze, reaching that point of no return, when every thought scattered with a small explosion, allowing the body to plunge into a sweet trance.
Damian woke up first. Breathing had not yet been restored, and the body did not obey well. But the sorcerer hurried to get up and put on his usual clothes, simultaneously collecting his partner’s things from the floor. He was still lying there, not even moving. Gray looked at him with interest for a while, and then carefully covered him with a blanket, folded his clothes on the edge of the bed and left the guest quarters.
Something inside clicked as soon as he closed the door, but the sorcerer did not pay attention to it. He went much further than he should have in such a situation, but curiosity overpowered reason. Nikias’s thought suddenly came to mind. It took him a long time to figure out why he felt happiness in Gray’s eyes. Damian thought about it. Really, why? None of the magician’s guesses, of course, came close to the truth, but still... however, the sorcerer discarded this thought too. He had more important things to do than think about his own emotions. Perhaps he'll think about it later?
The article talks about how to understand yourself and achieve your desired goals.
There are moments in every person’s life when he seems to stand at a fork in the road and doesn’t know which way to move. Sometimes these moments of crisis are directly caused by a difficult situation, dissatisfaction with work, or personal life. Sometimes they have no obvious cause and appear as if out of thin air. One way or another, it interferes with your life and brings anxiety. How to understand yourself and your thoughts: advice from a psychologist.
In order to understand oneself, a person needs specifics. Just sit down and analyze. Better with a piece of paper and a pen. Ask yourself specific questions and try to give specific answers. Try to formulate in clear words the problem that worries you. If you succeed, you are halfway to success.
Having realized that you are not happy with the current state of affairs, make a plan to get out of this crisis. Learn to better organize the events of your life, plan your steps and time. You don’t want to get bogged down in endless “musts” without moving, do you? Realize the uniqueness of every moment in life, learn to make the most of it. Live here and now. How to understand yourself and your thoughts: advice from a psychologist will answer this question.
- For starters, you can rejoice. If you are prone to self-examination, it means that you think, you exist! A huge number of “human units” live like zombies or robots, mechanically doing the same things day after day, and do not even ask such questions.
- You understand that if you don’t go anywhere, you won’t come anywhere. Therefore, separate the wheat from the chaff, the significant from the unimportant, and act. If you are not satisfied with the salary, ask for an increase; if you want a promotion, attend courses to improve your skills, get additional education. If it doesn’t work out, change your job.
- Family problems? Talk, find out, explain. Tell directly what your partner doesn’t like or offends you about, this will raise your self-esteem and reduce the reason for dissatisfaction with yourself. After all, often the reason for our tossing is precisely the confidence that something is wrong with us, ripened claims against ourselves.
- If you realize that life circumstances are such that they cannot be moved from a dead point yet, learn to accept this and be patient. Calm down. Remember the age-old wisdom about the necessity: to change what you can change, to accept what you cannot change, and the ability to distinguish one from the other.
- Take a philosophical look at your life. Realize that life is cyclical, and after a black stripe a white one will certainly come. Think about life, about the people you know who you want to emulate. Remember that they also had difficult moments, but they coped with it and are now satisfied with life, happy, successful.
- Sometimes your problems are partly imaginary. You just need to distract yourself a little by going to a theater performance, or meeting old friends over a cup of coffee in a pleasant place, and finally getting a good night's sleep. Perhaps in a couple of days you will look at your life from a different angle, without the former tragedy.
- Are turmoil in your soul and depressive notes returning to you? Do not hesitate to visit a psychologist, although it is not very common for our mentality to share problems with a stranger. You need to understand that this is a doctor, a person who has studied for many years to help people solve their personal problems. With his advice, a psychologist will help you understand yourself and your thoughts. And – the joy of life and peace of mind will definitely return.
We are all the same: we often depend on public opinion, we control our actions and actions, we analyze every situation. And, without realizing it, we find ourselves in a cycle of emotions and a stream of thoughts that deprive us of the opportunity to enjoy life.
Experts call this condition overexertion or a constant thought process. It usually starts with nonsense. For example, your husband said something unpleasant at breakfast. What is said touches you, and throughout the day you do not stop thinking about it. You play out all sorts of scenarios of consequences, plan what countermeasures to take, try to understand why and why the “fermentation effect” occurs. A certain chain begins to line up in your head: one thought clings to another.
When we give in to our thoughts, we spin out of control and literally drown in the stream of consciousness.
Constant rumination can become a habit and greatly change your life for the worse. It can paralyze your development: you will feel that everything is so bad that you shouldn’t even try to change anything. In addition, this can lead to really serious consequences that you will regret without realizing your mistake. He who thinks a lot does little. While we continue to think about all the details of the situation in the past, analyze our actions and words, we actually lose our present. In the worst case, you may fall out of reality for a long time and not understand what is really happening.
Why is this happening?
Why do so many people fall into this trap? The fact is that our brain does not know how to work differently.
Thoughts are mixed up in the head, and for any thought contained in the brain there is a stable association that simultaneously arises in our head. Our brain immediately produces several options for a possible outcome of the situation; we ourselves are not able to determine which one is correct, and we follow any thought it suggests.
Sometimes the sequence of thoughts is clear to us. For example, if you think that your friend is coming to visit, you immediately remember that you don’t have time and start thinking about how to get out. Any sane person will simply decide to buy ready-made food in a supermarket or order food from a restaurant. But a person prone to “deep thinking” will endlessly play out various options: “What if my mother-in-law decides that I don’t know how to cook or that I don’t respect her? Then she will regret that her son chose such a worthless housewife. What if then she This will tell him, and he and I will quarrel about it.” And so on... As a result of such a thought process, a terrible conclusion will appear: “I am incompetent and insignificant.” Isn't it terrible? Thoughts are like a flood that rolls towards you from the top of a mountain - it is impossible to stop it.
Each of us has negative impressions of some events that happened in the past, worries about the future. Most of the time we are not aware of their presence in our heads. But as soon as we are in a bad mood, the reason for this can be anything, even bad weather, we find ourselves in a cycle of negative thoughts. This state can last as long as you like.
Research shows that women are more prone to this type of behavior than men. Almost all women are very responsible. They need everything to be under control; they are more demanding of themselves. Secondly, women have a lot of worries. What does their day consist of? Take the child to school, then go to work, then pick up the child and cook dinner for everyone. Let's take any family holiday - all responsibility for organizing the table falls on the fragile shoulders of the woman: she is in the kitchen from the very morning, serves dishes all evening, and at the end washes the dishes. This kind of running around would make anyone's head spin!
How to deal with this?
If you are often in this state, basic rest will not be enough. You need to take action right now and be consistent in your decision. The first and most difficult step is to admit that worrying thoughts are causing you harm and sheer suffering. Breaking this habit is not so easy, and there is no universal way for every person. But there are still several options to overcome this problem.
Let thoughts appear and disappear, but do not interfere with your life. Learn to control them - and you will soon feel how you feel better and see how beautiful this world is.
Discussion
The article is very relevant! Sometimes such rubbish gets into your head that you can go crazy! Thanks to the author, I think the simple rules she came up with will help many, including me, not to focus too much attention on various nonsense
03.12.2008 00:16:49, Lion2 02.12.2008 15:50:30, GalinaExcellent, necessary article!
We don't always think that we need to forgive ourselves more often! Maybe then
There will be fewer mistakes!
just in time
12/01/2008 18:39:23, CamillaComment on the article "Don't drown in your thoughts"
Not a single person has the power to be impeccable in his thoughts and deeds, but we all try - parents not to orphan their children ahead of time (how will they survive without us?), children, as best they can, come to terms with the loss that lasts so long in illness - slowly...
Discussion
Please read Nyuta Ferdmesser from Vera Hospice....
Strength to you
I may write chaotically, but so far I can’t do it any other way. My dad recently died, it’s not correct to say from cancer, my heart couldn’t stand it, but this is a consequence of cancer - treatment. He had great faith in treatment and fought with all his might. There was an operation and several chemo treatments, but metastases began and grew very quickly, he was losing strength literally before our eyes. My aunt’s husband was dying of cancer, painkillers no longer helped, and the entire entrance heard his screams. I prayed for only one thing - that dad wouldn’t live to see this. It seems to me that at certain moments it’s better to just let go and not add to the torment. It is very difficult, but if a person does not have the strength to fight, just try to understand him and let him feel your love and support. Strength to you all.
I'm upset. I fried a lot of delicious cheesecakes and for some reason I’m eating them..... Yesterday we were at a birthday party, outside the city. The young guys were guests, all in their thirties.. stupidly threw themselves on vodka in the heat in the first 30 minutes. Music tyntstyntstynts..cool cars...expensive sunglasses and iPhones)) talk about nothing. The melancholy is terrible... An hour later, the heat and vodka did their dirty work. Everyone was drunk...hot...boring) and jumped into a pond with rotten, muddy, stagnant water. I sat on the sidelines, and with horror, at this bacchanalia...
Discussion
The question is probably different: how did you end up there?
Funny sketch.
Well, since it came to coffee, then it was quite decently noted))
And today I have a discovery evening again, I watched a film about Chanel on TV, and for some reason I went looking for a biography. The fact that she was a kept woman saddened me. Here's the number((Beautiful story about the hardworking and brilliant Self Made Woman - a fairy tale? It’s a shame.
Py-sy
I looked at the photo album and left a comment on the back))
I often hear that it is impossible to come to an agreement with a teenager: he doesn’t listen, brushes aside advice, or is even rude... But you can come to an agreement, you can! You just need to get the child to talk. Well, he’s lost the habit, or he thinks that you won’t understand him, that you’re not interested in his thoughts; and if you ask, it’s only to find fault and/or give instructions. So how can you have a heart-to-heart talk if your child doesn’t want to talk? To begin with, you should try to catch the right moment. There are times when...
V. A. Plungyan “Why are languages so different” Human language is the greatest gift of nature! To him we owe the opportunity to communicate, to transmit our thoughts at a distance. Thanks to language, we can read books written many centuries ago, which means we can use the knowledge accumulated by our ancestors and preserve our knowledge for future generations. Without language there would be no humanity! How many languages are there on earth, how are they structured; how and according to what laws they change; why are some of them related...
I can’t!! I can’t do anything........I turn every side to my weight loss, to my body, to my thoughts...roaring, screaming and just howling...I threw it off, gained it, threw it off - I typed it. Some kind of vicious circle.... I don’t know who to turn to anymore and what to grab onto... Either I don’t eat at all, or I overeat. I just HATE food!!! Why do I need all this?? After all, everything was normal .Well, I was a little overweight, but not to the same extent?? Why, why did this happen to me??? And most importantly..... WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS FAT NOW...
Lately he has developed a bad habit, he constantly says what thoughts he has in his head and mostly bad ones.
Discussion
Still, I think it attracts attention. The first time, maybe it really came to mind... and then, seeing your reaction, it became interesting and began to invent... but this is to say right away, without looking... And so you need to know more deeply in order to say more precisely. He tells me about dreams... he invents... I see... but he interests me so much that I would listen to him.
Thank you all so much for your answers! And I didn’t expect to find any response.
The points.
1. The child is not overloaded, I won’t break it down by the hour, but it turns out something like this. Got up - play for 30-40 minutes before breakfast, breakfast, after breakfast copybooks (well, not copybooks, but tracing various letter-like shapes in a notebook), then walk, after the walk lunch, sleep 1.5-2 hours. In the evening, 2 days of music school, 2 days of choreography. Then in the evening he plays at home again, dinner, after dinner Smeshariki ® + good night kids ©, after - reading letters.
The percentage is 20% activities, 80% fooling around, or even more towards fooling around.
2. He enjoys both choreography and music school (excuse the jargon), he goes there with great pleasure. We tried to take a drawing class, but he didn’t like it and quit.
3. There are enough friends, the relationship is quite good. On a walk they get so angry. We live outside the city, so we have plenty of space to run them around.
4. “....when a child does not have a strong enough character (stubborn and selfish)” - yes, indeed, what is not there is not. We sometimes even worry that he is “too” honest and decent or something. Apparently there will be problems later at school, but he can’t do anything, character is character.
Excessive attention is really possible, because when the younger one appears, we try to caress the older one at every opportunity, so that God forbid he gets the idea that he is unnecessary and all that. They probably “went overboard”; this option is not excluded.
These thoughts are naturally discussed. My wife is a more impulsive person; she sits with him all day, she is ready to “hit” him, but I strictly forbade him. Of course, we discuss all this and have explanatory conversations.
Once again, thank you everyone for your attention, the main thing I learned is that we are not the only ones asking such questions, so everything is fine. Let's go download the book) -
my husband realized that he was not made for a family, already having two children. He lives with us because he loves children, and I, as a wife, do not interfere; by the way, he is also a good person, helps, communicates... But he dreams of loneliness, he is disappointed in family life. You see, family life is nothing but work, responsibilities, obligations, punctuality. But mine needs a flight of fancy, the muse came - I did it, no - I didn’t do it, I forgot, I overslept - no one complains, and so that no one makes noise, doesn’t distract, doesn’t wake up or disturb... And with children this is almost impossible. Maybe he doesn’t love me as much as he should, yes, but I’m sure that if we separated, he would never marry again, he doesn’t need it. He keeps complaining that he provides for himself without problems, working a couple of days a week, but it’s hard to support the whole family both with money and in other things... Well, I shouldn’t kill him for complaining, although it’s unpleasant, he does everything... So, it’s very good when a person knows that he doesn’t need it and doesn’t start a family. I now understand very well the words “not made for a family.” My husband is also a phlegmatic person, loves loneliness, does not like to talk or share anything with anyone. Why then does he need a partner, a family? And he adores children, they already exist... It’s difficult with love, of course, he didn’t lose his head over you, and there’s no need for that. And since he hasn’t lost his head, first of all, he takes into account himself, but this does not mean that he does not love you. It just means what he said. He likes his lifestyle, he doesn't need a family to be happy. You can love someone, but tell you, if you love us, we’ll live in a hut (or some other absurdity incompatible with your life) - you won’t agree either. Love is love, but we also must not forget about our direction in life. I really respect this young man of yours, it’s much worse to find out that someone is not meant for a family after living with him for ten years, simply because he didn’t know this when he got married either. And you're lucky :)
14.05.2008 03:14:46, loves - doesn't like - lovesIt may have been written chaotically, but I’m already confused in my thoughts. And what will this resentment eventually develop into? Is it still a divorce? This is probably how mothers-in-law cheat, constantly quarreling husband and wife.
Discussion
I got divorced after 34.5 years of marriage.
04/10/2018 08:50:57, Lyudmila....I have exactly the same situation. Only we live only five years. My mother-in-law is doing everything to ensure that we get a divorce. She doesn't even hide it. I am the worst person in the world for her. As she says, I stole her son. Not only does she throw mud at me, my family, write nasty things to me, threaten me, but she also gets on my husband’s nerves. He is glorified at “what the light is worth.” I already feel like I hate her. But I feel sorry for my husband, it’s not his fault that his mother is sick in the head. I also thought it might break up. But this is not a solution. Although my husband stands up for me, he yells at her and sends her away. Maybe this is wrong, but in my opinion, if a person doesn’t understand and is trying to destroy your family, something needs to be done. The family will collapse, no one will get better, it will be different and the same story will happen. Learn not to let her into your life. Maybe I’m wrong, but your husband must stand up for you, and otherwise your nerves will not stand up.
I’ll say right away that I didn’t have anything similar, so these ideas have not been tested by experience. Under no circumstances would I tolerate such behavior: only talk calmly, don’t react to screams at all: “I can’t hear the screams!” In addition, the child constantly demands something. We need to understand what this is connected with: Jealousy for the little one, the desire to be the same little one? Then there is one strategy, but if you don’t want to do something yourself, there is another. Then you can calmly respond to many screaming requests: offer to bring what is required, do the washing, etc. yourself.
01.08.2006 16:36:37, L