First, a person must put his emotions in order. You need to calm down, let all the experiences pass through you, take a breath. And only when a person feels that his condition has returned to normal can he begin to think about the most important thing.
If he is overwhelmed by the question of what to do when he doesn’t know what to do, then he is in a vicious circle. A person will endlessly torment himself with these words. But the question will never be answered. Although, in fact, this is not so.
There is always a way out. And the answers too. It just seems to us that they don’t exist. What comes to mind, a person rejects because it does not suit him. But you can’t refuse options. Everything that comes to mind has the right to life. What if every thought was developed as a possible development of an event? Even the most absurd one. Since there seems to be no way out, we can try.
A fresh look
The problem with many people thinking about what to do when they don't know what to do is their default thinking. Let's say a person urgently needs money. There's still a long time until payday. There is no one to borrow from. As a rule, a person does not allow any more options. Either pay a salary or borrow.
When thinking, you need to go beyond the usual. Even if the thoughts are completely absurd. It doesn't matter. The main thing is that anything happens in our lives. And in any case there will be a way out. Usually the subconscious produces an unusual, non-trivial option. Sometimes an epiphany comes to a person. And a thought that had not previously arisen as an alternative turns out to be quite adequate and capable of influencing the situation.
Listen to yourself
Often a person thinking about what to do when he doesn’t know what to do is hindered by his head. And to be more precise - logic and reason.
Let's say there are two options for the development of events. For clarity, we can give a fictitious example. Let's say a young man is offered a promising permanent job abroad, which he has dreamed of all his adult life. But here, in Russia, he has a girlfriend, with whom he has been together for several years. And she cannot go with him, as she continues her master’s studies. Or she simply doesn’t want to go to this country, afraid of the foreign language, environment, mentality, and if only because she doesn’t know what she can do there.
This is approximately the situation when you don’t know what to do with a person. On the one hand, improvement of your own life, prospects and a chance that may not come again. But on the other hand - the other half. Well, if all possible compromises have been sorted out, then there is only one thing left to do - listen to your inner voice. And be honest with yourself. The heart will tell you what is more important and necessary. And after making a decision, a person himself will feel whether he was mistaken or not. Usually the heart does not deceive.
Of course, the first time after making a decision will not be easy. After all, a person will still have to give up something. Or, at a minimum, make adjustments to the plans. But time will put everything in its place.
Search for information
What to do when you don't know what to do? Of course, look for useful information that can help in other sources. You don’t need to be limited by your own thoughts, especially if they don’t help. You can seek advice from a close friend or from various thematic resources. Watch a movie, read a book, listen to music. Sometimes this happens - the ear “clings” to some phrase, and then a person understands that the correct decision lies in its context. In any case, even if you can’t find the answer to the question of what to do when you don’t know what to do, you will definitely be able to get distracted. And then, after a little mental relaxation, you can return to the problem at hand.
Appeal to conscience
Austrian writer Karl Kraus said: “When you don’t know what to do, do the right thing.” There is a simple truth hidden in this philosophical phrase. “Right” as your conscience dictates, so as not to harm anyone. Sometimes it turns out that a person acts stupidly, but correctly. An example is a simple situation. Let's say a person found a wallet. Inside, in addition to a considerable sum of money, was the owner's debit card. He takes and takes the wallet with all the goods attached to it to the bank branch. Employees find the owner’s information, call him, outline the situation, and a happy but absent-minded person comes to collect his property, heartily thanking the one who found everything.
Stupid move? Surely many will nod in the affirmative. After all, you could have kept the money for yourself. Is it correct? Definitely. After all, anyone could find themselves in the place of the person who lost their wallet. Again, anything can happen in life.
God willing
But it happens that all arguments are useless. And the person really doesn’t know what to do. And believers even turn to the Almighty for help. There is even a special prayer. When you don’t know what to do, the Orthodox faith will help. Whether there will be a result or not is a separate conversation. But at least it will become easier for a person.
Who should you pray to when you don’t know what to do? Lord God. The words go something like this: “Lord Almighty, thank You for allowing me to have spiritual insight into this situation and to mercifully come to terms with it. God, You are all-knowing, guide me to the truth and strengthen me in love. Amen".
Motivation and Action
To resolve this or that situation, you need to completely abandon fear. Modern people are afraid too much and often. Fear blocks consciousness and prevents you from thinking. And also uncertainty. These are two qualities that prevent you from making a decision that, it would seem, is already in the palm of your hand. Therefore, you need to gain confidence. Quotes from great and successful people often help with this. Michael Jackson, for example, said: “If you are not confident in yourself, then nothing good will ever happen. Why? But because if you don’t believe in yourself, how can anyone believe in you?”
In general, motivational quotes often help you make that decision. They seem to morally push a person towards this. And in his subconscious the thought arises: “This is an authoritative person who has achieved a lot. So this man knew what he was saying. You can trust him."
We should remember a person like Nick Vujicic. This is a modern motivational speaker. Looking at him, everyone understands that there are no hopeless situations. After all, this man has neither arms nor legs. But he was able to achieve success, plays sports, got married and always smiles. He also travels to different countries and cities, gives performances and publishes books. This ability to not give up is impressive. So, Nick once said: “You can’t run away when faced with difficulties. You need to look for solutions without stopping, and believe that everything is for the best. Patience is the key to victory.”
Radical change
There are thousands of situations in which a person gives up because he does not know what to do. So, it was said above - you should never run away from problems. This is true, but if there is definitely no way out, you can try.
For example, at work a person has a disgusting boss who forces him to do things that are not in his competence. Quitting is not an option because you could end up without money. What if there won’t be another job? In this case, you need to put aside fear and quit. And then - be as it happens. Many will confirm that a problem is solved much faster and more effectively when a person meets it face to face. In extreme cases, it will be possible to “get by” with part-time jobs for a while.
This is just one example. As practice shows, radical changes are often the best solution. After all, they change not only a person’s life, but also his worldview in some way.
Question to a psychologist
Hello! My husband and I have been together for 2 years, we have a daughter, she’s a year old, and she’s already a month pregnant with our second child.” Yesterday, purely by accident, I found a condom in my husband’s pocket. I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. My husband had gone out several times and came among nights. I started scandals. Yesterday I wrote a text message to him: everything is clear to me (as if he was walking on the left) I found it from you and waited... he came and of course he denies everything. Please tell me what should I do, at first I wanted to leave. if he change what needs to be done? what to do? leave or is there still a way out but I don’t want to tolerate it
Samal! I think there is always a way out. You need to look for it, as well as the very reason for this husband’s behavior. Come for a consultation.
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Hello Samal!
The fact that a condom is in your husband's pocket is not evidence of infidelity. Rather, this indicates that your husband is well aware of methods of contraception and his responsible attitude towards possible casual sex, but the very fact of this sex is rather refuted (after all, the condom is unused). So don’t fantasize about something you can’t know for sure. It is harmful for relationships to fantasize about your partner. If you make decisions based on your fantasies, you will end up alone, because you only hear yourself, and you don’t hear your partner who denies cheating. The important thing is not whether he cheated on you or not, but what importance he attaches to sex on the side. A man who sleeps with others, but does not confess to his wife, treats sex on the side very superficially, as entertainment, and is not going to change his wife for another woman. You cannot prohibit your husband from satisfying your needs (you do not have the right to his feelings, needs and time), so do not try to do this, except for aggression, you will not get anything in return. Show interest in the meanings that your husband attaches to events, compare them with yours, but do not put yours higher than his meanings. If you put your values higher than those of other people, then, I repeat, you will remain in splendid isolation. And also try to exclude “accidentally” going through pockets and other secret places in your husband’s clothes (as well as phone and mail), because this is a violation of personal boundaries. Things like this are very damaging to relationships. All the best, Elena.
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Hello Samal! The fact that your husband comes in the middle of the night more than once speaks volumes. The fact that you allow him to do this gives him the opportunity to repeat his behavior again and again. Once you talk openly about what exactly he and you lack in the relationship, that can help change the situation. Unfortunately, it is difficult to force a man not to go out for walks if he has a tendency to do so. It is clear that you cannot help but be offended by such a fact as finding a condom, but this says a lot about a husband who prefers safe sex and thus cares about you (if we can talk about care here at all). If you cannot stand it, tell him about your feelings - that you are offended or that you are angry. If your husband does not want to leave you, it means that his family is dear to him. It is necessary to sort things out, but without shouting and scandals, but constructively, with the adoption of a mutually beneficial decision. If you find it difficult to cope with your feelings, consult a psychologist in person. Good luck to you!
Good answer 12 Bad answer 3Hello Samal! Leaving is not a way out of the current situation; about this, write to me on your cell phone with your e-mail and name, I will send you interesting material. You shouldn’t ignore it either, but realize your feelings and express them in the form of an “I-statement”, without accusations, but the fact that You felt and your attitude towards this is even necessary. For example, “I am very hurt, offended... and I even get angry when my husband behaves this way! I feel humiliated and insulted... I deserve to be treated well and with respect!!!” (Something like that)! Thus, you do not ignore yourself, your feelings, present yourself at the border of contact and express your attitude towards the ongoing incident, and nothing more (do not insult, do not blame, do not cause a back aggressive reaction!) My advice to you, 1. cheating - do not reason for divorce; 2. After what you said to him, leave this topic alone, don’t waste your energy on it! 3. Don’t check him and don’t get into his phone or other personal things - this is his territory. 4. Become aware of your feelings, and if it’s hard for you to live them and let them go, then go to a face-to-face meeting with a psychologist and work through it. 5. Start paying attention to yourself, take care of yourself, don’t spare yourself something tasty, just love yourself! And remember that nothing happens with our permission (words of Eleanor Roosevelt), You may not agree with this statement, but if you become honest with yourself and look at this situation from a different perspective, from this angle: “What does your husband mirror to you? What did you ignore and didn’t notice about yourself?” Etc. All the best. Best regards, Lyudmila K.
Good answer 14 Bad answer 2Leaving a cross on the road for people to walk on is a great sin, the clergy say. After all, this is a shrine, and it should not be trampled under foot.
“In our troubled times, unfortunately, elements of occult consciousness - superstition - are widespread among people,” says priest Father Dionysius Tolstov. - Of course, people who do not have sufficient faith and spiritual knowledge are afraid of everything. He who does not know God is afraid of his own shadow.
You should clearly understand what a cross is. The cross is the center of all Christian confessions. The cross is the sign of the Son of God, the instrument of our salvation, the cross is the beauty of the Church. When we see a cross, we rejoice in the Risen Savior, which means that the pectoral cross of each of us is a constant reminder to us of Christ. The cross is the road to Heaven. Every Christian should have this understanding of the cross. Then there will be no fear of finding the cross.”
If you do not want to take such a cross home, you can hang it on a branch of a nearby tree or on a fence. But it is best to take the cross to the temple and consecrate it, the priest advises. After that, you can wear it or give it to someone. You can donate a cross to some icon. By the way, when you are in church, pay attention: on many icons hang gold and silver crosses donated by parishioners.
How to make a decision when in doubt? This is a very important question. After all, our whole life is actually a string of decisions made on the simplest and most complex issues. And each previous decision determines what subsequent new questions life will pose to us and what opportunities will open up before us. It’s strange that the school spent so much time on trigonometry, but did not give any instructions on such an important issue...
I have several faithful assistants - proven techniques that have helped me out many times and helped me make the right decision. I learned some techniques at personal growth trainings, some from the works of great philosophers, and some were suggested to me... by my grandmother.
Sometimes it gets a little scary how even the simplest decision can change our destiny. Here is an example from life:
In this context, I like the film starring Jim Carrey Always say yes" If you haven't seen this film, I highly recommend watching it. Few people know that the comedy is based on the biographical book of British writer Danny Wallace, who answered only “YES” to all offers for 6 months. The writer even starred in the film in the “bachelorette party” scene in a cameo role.The girl was invited to a party during the week. She was thinking whether to go or not to go. Tired after work. Plus there's an important presentation tomorrow morning. Still, I DECIDED to go. And as a result, I met my love. She got married and gave birth to her beloved children. She has found her happiness and often asks herself what her fate would have been like if she had not gone to that party.
So, the continuation of the scenario of our life depends on our every decision, even the smallest one.
So, back to our main question: “How to make the right decision when in doubt?”.
1st method “Intuition”.
All subsequent techniques are very important, but the role of intuition should not be underestimated in any case. You have noticed that most often we immediately know and feel what to do. For example, I I tell myself: “Listen. What is your stomach telling you? You need to listen to your inner voice. But if this does not help, I use several simple and proven techniques.
In fact, this is folk wisdom, which is the quintessence of the experience of many previous generations our ancestors. They have been noticing certain causes and effects for thousands of years. And they passed this knowledge on from generation to generation. So, my grandmother told me, if you have doubts, you don’t know what decision to make, ask the two closest people for advice. Grandmother said that through them the Angels tell you the best decision for you.
This method can to some extent be called a consequence of the previous method: if your Angel cannot “reach out” to you with the right decision through intuition, then he passes it on through the people closest to you.
3rd method “Descartes square for decision making”.
The essence of this simple technique is that the problem or issue must be considered from 4 different sides. After all, we often get hung up on one question: what will happen if THIS HAPPENS? Or, what will I get if I DO THIS? But you need to ask yourself not 1, but 4 questions:
- What will, if this will happen? (pros of this).
- What will, if this NOT will happen ? (pros of not getting it).
- What Will not, if this will happen? (disadvantages of this).
- What Will not, if this will NOT happen? (disadvantages of not getting this).
To make it clearer, you can ask the questions a little differently:
4th technique “Expanding choice”.
This is a very important technique. Often we become fixated on only one choice, “YES or NO,” “Do or Don’t,” and in our persistence we forget to consider all other options. For example, whether to buy this particular car on credit or not. If not, then continue to take the metro. Because we focus only on the “YES or NO” option, we forget about other options. For example, an alternative to taking the subway could be buying an inexpensive car. And no longer on credit.
5th method Jose Silva “Glass of water”.
This is an amazing, effective, working technique. Its author is Jose Silva, who became famous around the world for the Silva Method he developed.– a set of psychological exercises. This is how you should do the exercise. Before going to bed, take a glass of clean, unboiled water with both hands (you can take mineral water), close your eyes and formulate a question that requires a solution. Then drink about half of the water in small sips, repeating to yourself approximately the following words: “This is all I need to do in order to find the right solution.” Open your eyes, put the glass with the remaining water near the bed and go to bed. In the morning, drink your water and thank you for the right decision. The solution may clearly “come” immediately in the morning after waking up, or it may dawn in the middle of the day. The decision will come like a flash and it will become completely incomprehensible, as could have been doubted. This is it, the right decision.
6th technique “Stick to your basic priorities”
The technique is based on the ideas of the philosophers of Ancient Greece. “Ataraxia” is equanimity, calmness. It is achieved when a person correctly distributes the value system. After all, most often a person is restless and suffers from not getting what he wants.
The key to achieving happiness is very simple: you need to be happy with what you have and not desire what you cannot have! (Aldous Huxley)
The wise Greeks distributed the IMPORTANCE of values and their basic priorities as follows:
- Natural and Natural Values like, water and food.
- Values are natural, but not quite natural, dictated by the sociality of all people, for example, the value of having a higher education and other similar stereotypical values. You can free yourself from most of these values.
- Values are not natural and not natural. This is fame, success, veneration, wealth. This is the opinion of others, condemnation from the outside. Or, conversely, excessive praise. You can easily say goodbye to these values!
So, when you want to get something when making a decision, analyze according to the above classification whether you really need it or these are not natural and natural values imposed on you by the stereotypes of society. Don't think about what others will think, but at the same time be sure that your decision will not harm anyone.
7th technique “Wait”.
When making important and long-term solutions, it is important to get rid of emotions. For example, in relationships with loved ones or if you want to change jobs, but are afraid of change.
Sometimes, to make the right decision, you just have to wait. You know that impulsive desires are often difficult to deal with. At the same time, if you wait a little, the desire may disappear on its own. And what seemed a prime necessity yesterday seems completely unnecessary today. No wonder they say: “I need to sleep with this thought.”
To get rid of emotions, you can use an exercise called “10/10/10”. We need to answer the question “How will I feel about this in 10 hours/10 months/10 years?”
Summary.
You got the answer to the question, how to make a decision when in doubt? And now you have to make your choice. When making a decision it is important:
- turn off emotions;
- listen to intuition;
- ask advice from 2 closest people;
- consider other options, expand the choice;
- evaluate all the PROS and CONS on the issues of Descartes Square;
- assess whether the decision contradicts your basic principles;
- if possible, postpone the decision, wait, “sleep with this thought” using the “Glass of Water” technique.
In all other circumstances, always be confident in yourself and in your dreams, don't give up, be optimistic. Do not think about what others will think, but at the same time, your decision will be correct only when, after making it, you will have peace of mind and you will be sure that you are not harming anyone and are not going against your principles.
Don’t be afraid, make your decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, because “No one stumbles while lying in bed” (Japanese wisdom)!
I wish you inspiration and a lot of strength for all your plans and decisions!
When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often cite the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.
Our life would be completely different if Ctrl+Z operated in life, which would cancel decisions made.
But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to dull or disappear altogether. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, by the way. It wouldn't hurt to take note! Although for many decisions, sleep alone is not enough. A special strategy is needed.
One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:
- How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
- How will you feel about this decision 10 months from now?
- What will your reaction be to this in 10 years?
By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of making an important decision.
Now let's look at the effect of this rule using an example.
Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Kirill. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and... She doesn’t have an endless amount of time to develop her relationship with Kirill, who is approaching 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill’s daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” was never heard in their couple from either side.
The divorce from my wife was terrible. After this, Kirill decided to avoid serious relationships. Moreover, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is hurt, but she is also offended that such an important part of her loved one’s life is closed to her.
Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush into making decisions. But should she then take the step herself and say “I love you” first?
The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came out of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she had to decide whether she would confess her love to Kirill over the weekend or not.
Question 1: How will you feel about this decision 10 minutes later?
Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself for taking a risk and saying it first.”
Question 2: How would you feel about your decision if 10 months had passed?
Answer:“I don’t think I’ll regret it 10 months from now. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne!”
Question 3: How will you feel about your decision 10 years later?
Answer:“No matter how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess your love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else."
Note that the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result we have quite a simple solution:
Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill in the end. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distracting and limiting factors.
What happened to Veronica after that, you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation and stop feeling in limbo. Kirill did not confess his love to her. But progress was evident: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit that the feelings are reciprocated. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.
Eventually
The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem intense and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.
The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your perspective: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you look at in the present.
This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not to say that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the better of you.
It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid having a serious conversation with your boss, you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, but after 10 months, will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?
What if you want to reward the work of an excellent employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (what if other employees feel left out), and will it Does the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?
As you can see, short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct way. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.