One Eastern proverb says: “It takes two hands to clap your hands.” For a conflict to flare up, it takes two or more people. If one of them remains calm, then there will be no incident. Verified. But how exactly do you stay calm?
There is this joke:
How do you manage everything and remain optimistic?
- I just don’t argue with anyone.
- But this is impossible!
- It’s impossible, it’s impossible.
It’s easy to become such a person if you know one secret. Everything your interlocutor tells you is a projection of his internal conflict. This has nothing to do with you. You just came across it.
When any person says something like “You're a slob,” “You're a rude person,” “You don't know what you're talking about,” “Slow down, watch where you're going,” it hits us to the core. What right does he have to say that? What does he think about himself? Why does he think I'm like this? We either get offended or begin to conflict and defend our innocence.
Now imagine a different situation. The same person comes up to you and shouts: “I’m a slob,” “I’m a rude person,” “I don’t know what I’m talking about,” “I’m slow, I don’t see where I’m going.” Such behavior brings nothing but a smile.
So, any accusation of something against another person stems from the internal conflict of the speaker. If he doesn’t have a point on this topic, a mental struggle, then he won’t notice it in you.
A person always talks only about what worries him personally. This has a very indirect relation to the interlocutor. Any joke or accusation only speaks of what a person does not like about himself or what he cannot come to terms with. This is not about you, this is about him. Communication with you only reveals this.
Having been engaged in conflictology, studying the origin and development of conflict for the last few years, I have never seen an exception to this rule.
So look at your reaction. Replace "you" with "I". And smile. As if the person had just publicly accused himself.
Agree, after understanding this issue it will become easier to react calmly. Just don’t try to explain this to your interlocutors! This is not only senseless, but also dangerous: people are sometimes not ready to perceive information about their own internal conflicts. Just listen, just smile. For many people, after realizing internal conflicts and their external manifestations, life changes, relationships in the family and at work improve.
But note: the other side of the issue also exists. Observe what you yourself say to others. On what issue are you ready to conflict? Why are you expressing your thoughts this way now? What are you shouting to the world?
If you talk to your children about , look at what you yourself are addicted to and why it hurts you. If you talk about the selfishness of others, it means you have not come to terms with your own selfishness. Our behavior in conflict is always a cry of internal pain.
Knowing this issue has significantly changed my life, and I hope it will help you too.
How to keep a calm person in any situations, if excessive emotionality leads to undesirable consequences? Often it is difficult for an individual to cope with anger, hatred, aggression on his own, and he does not know what to do with these feelings. It will be easier to remain calm in stressful situations if a person realizes the need to control his own emotions. In the heat of the moment, you can say and do things that a person often regrets later. In addition, if an individual in a critical situation succumbs to the anxiety that overcomes him, then his ability to think logically, make rational decisions is lost, and his ability to act correctly is sharply weakened.
At the first stage of learning to gain calm, psychologists recommend learning to remain calm in minor situations when the individual is not yet completely overcome by negative emotions, and then moving on to train and learn in more serious and significant disputes or conflicts.
People often notice that it is very difficult to maintain inner peace when every trifle in life is important and therefore circumstances easily unsettle them. But if you develop a somewhat philosophical view of things, you can learn to remain calm in any situation.
How to always stay calm? Psychologists advise working on yours. If a person believes in his own strength, then he gains the confidence that he can cope with any situation that can happen in his life. And vice versa, if he doubts himself and sets himself up for an unfavorable outcome of any undertaking, then it is difficult for him to deal with life circumstances and not get nervous.
It will be possible to remain calm in stressful situations if a person gets rid of the bad habit of dramatizing the events that happen to him and forbids himself to overthink himself.
An individual who wants to learn to remain calm needs to direct his wild imagination in a more productive direction, and not mentally scroll through unfavorable scenarios in his head, since such an attitude will only add anxiety and restlessness. If a person feels like he is succumbing to panic, then he should stop and think logically about the reason for this state.
Psychologists strongly advise monitoring your thoughts, because often a person becomes nervous and worried in situations that do not threaten him in any way. If an individual has such a tendency, then one should imagine the most favorable scenario for the development of events and think in a positive direction. This way, a person will be able to make sure that nothing threatens his life and safety, and he will be able to cope with other troubles, if they arise, on his own, since in a truly critical situation the internal reserves of the body are mobilized by themselves. This is a protective function of the body, so there is no need to be afraid of what has not yet happened, since it is the far-fetched internal anxiety that is an obstacle to calm.
There are many ways to stay calm, and one of them involves having a backup plan in case something goes wrong. Most likely, you won’t need it, but the knowledge that there is a way out gives you a feeling of calm and confidence. And if failure occurs, then you should immediately begin to act on the backup version of the strategic plan.
How to remain calm in a conflict situation, which are not uncommon in a person’s life. Every now and then an individual is faced with rudeness, injustice and irritation of people around him, and it is very difficult to remain calm in these cases. Often you want to repay in kind, but it would be better to refrain so as not to complicate the situation. By responding to negativity, an individual will only receive a new portion of anger and aggression, and his life will be even more filled with disappointment and anger. In the end, everyone will lose from this. Learning to control yourself in such situations is difficult, but it is necessary. To do this, no matter how difficult it may be, it is important to always be in a good mood.
- you should try not to dramatize life situations, and not give in to the impulse to exaggerate the negative;
- you need to use in your vocabulary as often as possible the words “I’m stronger than this”, “I can handle it”, “it’s okay”; such verbal formulations will help you look at the existing problem differently;
- before sharing a problem with anyone, you need to think and not tell it to everyone you know; you should digest it yourself in order to calm down; well-meaning friends may show more sympathy than necessary, which can be even more upsetting;
- you should mentally visualize your calmness (become a calm and calm person in your imagination);
— you need to determine for yourself those factors that make a person lose composure and control over himself. Knowing and avoiding personal irritants will help a person remain calm throughout the day;
— it is important to learn to control your emotions; to do this, you should remember the moments when a person could remain calm in a difficult situation;
- you cannot respond to attacks in a state of irritation; it is better to remain silent until calmness sets in;
- in any situation, always look for something positive;
— having heard criticism addressed to oneself, a person should find a rational grain in it; if it’s difficult, then you need to ignore what they say;
- it is necessary to develop a positive attitude towards people;
- it should be remembered that negative emotions that grip are harmful, first of all, to the person himself, therefore, if a mistake is made, it should be admitted;
- to calm yourself down, you need to listen to audiobooks that encourage a positive perception of life;
- if there is a person who can support the individual, then you should talk to him;
- viewing quotes from books can help set a person up for positive behavior;
— troubles in life should be treated as training; the more success an individual achieves in life, the more negative situations he overcomes;
- a person cannot be liked by everyone, no one can do this, so it would be better to let relationships with some people become a thing of the past. In this way, you can free yourself from a heavy burden and communicate more with those who influence a person positively;
— to create an atmosphere of calm, you can use calm music or silence, scented candles;
— a few deep breaths can help an individual relieve tension, anxiety and adjust to a calmer rhythm;
- following a daily routine and a balanced, fortified diet will allow a person to be healthy, and therefore maintain inner peace;
— by avoiding excessive consumption of caffeine and sugar, maintaining the necessary water balance, you can maintain a calm state of the body;
- daily physical activity will relieve tension, which will allow you to control your feelings;
- meditation and yoga can help you find peace of mind;
- in order not to think about the same thing, you need to get carried away by something interesting or creative;
— it is important to be able to relax and, if necessary, take a day off to fill yourself with fresh ideas;
- Breathing from the diaphragm - belly will help quickly relieve tension and allow you to calm down in a matter of minutes. During belly breathing, the belly rises and falls. You need to inhale through your nose, then hold your breath for a few seconds and exhale slowly.
So, why is it important to learn to remain calm? So that impatience and anger do not exhaust your soul and heart. In order to get more done in life, communicate better, and live a more purposeful and productive life.
How to stay calm under pressure? How to remain cool, calm and not nervous in stressful, conflict and any other critical situations? A quarrel with a loved one, a traffic jam on the way to work, a conflict with the boss, a child having a tantrum, a colleague’s disrespectful attitude, a queue at the supermarket, etc. We often find ourselves in difficult situations in which it is quite difficult to remain calm. Surely you are familiar with this state when emotions go off scale, your nerves are on edge and you are completely unable to make a reasonable decision. It may even be that someone made you so angry that all you could do was scream and vent your anger at the person who made you so angry.In this article, psychologist Mairena Vazquez will share with you 10 tips and techniques for staying calm and equanimous in any situation.
Keep calm
In our crazy pace of life, it is very important to remain calm in order to make the right decisions. Many people live in stress because we have to study, work, maintain a home and family, earn money, solve various family and other problems...
Neuropsychological
Sometimes so many problems come at once that it seems to us that everything is very bad, and we catch ourselves thinking: “Well, why do I need this?” Under such circumstances, it is extremely important to learn to control yourself. Let's talk more about what this means.
Staying calm is the ability to remain calm in any situation, to remain patient and optimistic, especially in circumstances where we feel we have no control over what is happening.
Tension, nervousness and all the negative consequences associated with them accumulate in our body and can cause various health problems.
This is why it is vital to learn techniques to remain calm in order to best deal with any difficult situation.
Why Calm is Important: 10 Ways to Stay Calm
10 ways to remain calm and equanimous in any situation
What are the ways and methods to achieve peace of mind? How we are able to act in stressful or conflict situations is key. Of course, it is very difficult to remain calm if we are irritated or someone is making us angry. So we'll give you 10 tips on how to learn to stay calm.
When we are nervous or upset, our body sends us different signals: The pulse quickens, the temperature rises, the voice becomes louder, the muscles tense... At such moments, remember these tips, perhaps they will help you cope with the situation with dignity:
1. Identify red flags
First of all, learn to pay attention to the signals that your body sends in situations of tension and stress. It is important to be able to determine how your body reacts in such circumstances. so that you can then pull yourself together.
If you can change the situation, do so for your own peace of mind. If you can control your thoughts, you are halfway to victory.
How to stay calm? Believe in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals. Remember that even after the darkest night, the dawn comes. First of all, don't panic. No matter how difficult and stressful the situation may be, it will not last forever and you will be able to overcome it.
Some people, in order to calm down, start drinking coffee or grab a cigarette, thinking that this will help. However, this is a misconception.
Another mistake is consuming huge quantities of starchy and sweet foods, as well as adding large amounts of sugar to food.
Not only coffee, but any other drink containing caffeine makes us even more nervous. Sugar-containing foods also have the opposite effect of what we want: instead of calming us down, they give us energy, so we can feel even more excited.
So, what food will help you find peace and not be nervous?
Experts recommend in such cases dark chocolate And foods rich in vitamin C: strawberries, oranges etc., since they help reduce the level of cortisol (stress hormone), as well as various relaxing drinks (for example, valerian or linden tea).
For those who, to calm down, begin to “pounce” on the refrigerator, Chewing gum recommended (no sugar)– this will help you calm down and reduce tension. Try chewing slowly, consciously, enjoying the taste: your attention will focus on the chewing gum and will help take your mind off the problem.
7. Nature is your ally
In difficult and stressful moments, it is very important to “move away” from the situation not only mentally, but also physically. Find a quiet place where you are comfortable and comfortable, and think about anything other than what is bothering you.
If you have the opportunity to go outdoors, do it! Forest, mountains, beach - everything that is available to you. Nature will help you relax.
8. The importance of physical activity
How to become equanimous and remain cool in any situation? Move, be active! Walking is highly recommended. Depending on your fitness level, simply taking a walk or going for a run is a great way to unplug, release pent-up energy and clear your mind.
It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise you do, but even a short walk is always much better than sitting locked up at home alone with your thoughts. Exercise helps regulate emotions and release endorphins, which makes us happy.
If you don't like running and prefer something else, you can find any other alternative - swimming, dancing, Pilates, yoga or - all of these activities help relieve accumulated tension and stress.
Exercise helps you manage your emotions and stay calm
9. Forgive, forget and keep a sense of humor
Sometimes we are faced with situations in which, for various reasons, we feel guilty and are very worried about it.
In such cases, to maintain calm, it is important to realize the mistakes you have made and try to forgive yourself in order to get rid of this feeling of guilt. If we are sure that we have made a mistake, we need to be able to forgive ourselves and give ourselves another chance.
Try to see the positive side of things and approach the situation with a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself, above the circumstances, even if it seems difficult to you!
10. Congratulate and encourage yourself!
You and I know that maintaining calm and equanimity in any situation is not an easy task. It requires patience, practice, desire and willpower - all these qualities will not let you feel defeated even when it is very difficult and it seems that everything is out of control.
Congratulate yourself on what you accomplished! You did it! You have shown yourself to be a mature person, capable of managing your emotions and actions. Be proud of yourself! Even if you made a mistake in something, it’s not scary, don’t punish yourself - next time you can do better! In addition, mistakes allow you to know yourself, and if a similar situation occurs in the future, you will not repeat them.
“Magia es creer en ti mismo.”
Sometimes life presents situations in which every little thing irritates: the husband doesn’t thank you for dinner, the children don’t want to pack up their toys, and the boss reprimands you for not completing a task on time...
Is it possible to get rid of superficial irritability and become self-confident? Psychologists assure that it is not only possible, but also necessary: it makes life much easier and helps maintain peace and balance.
Why does a person lose his calm?
Having exploded once again over some trivial matter, the woman begins to think about how to be calm and not get nervous. They use sedatives, heart-to-heart conversations with a close friend, auto-training, and even loudly counting to ten in a critical situation. But the exhausted body demands its way and again a breakdown follows with ridiculous decisions dictated not by common sense, but by impulse and momentary emotions.
Each time, the loss of calm is repeated simply because there is no exact and only correct recipe for how to remain calm in any situation. Therefore, before looking for ways out of the current situation, it is worth understanding its causes. Why do some women lose their calm over trivial matters, while others can boast of iron restraint?
Among the most common reasons for loss of calm are:
- “Triggers”, that is, things, people or events that irritate us for reasons unknown to us: for example, a neighbor with a dog or rush hour on the subway.
- Prolonged depression, combined with hopelessness and anxiety, can cause irascibility.
- Chronic fatigue and lack of vitamins can also cause a loss of calm.
- The presence of physical discomfort: when a person is hungry or cold, even a minor reason is enough to make him angry.
- Presence of diseases: for example, with diabetes or thyroid diseases, increased irritability is often observed.
By identifying the cause of your irritation, you can solve it, rather than deal with the consequences of a temper that just signals, for example, fatigue or malaise.
FACT! During pregnancy, many women experience difficulties with balance and adequate reactions to familiar situations. Don't be afraid - it's just the effect of changing hormonal levels.
Calm, just calm!
Psychologists say with confidence: despite the fact that there is no universal method on how to become calm and not be nervous, every person can learn to remain calm in certain life situations.
- Change your perspective on familiar things. Look at the world through a positive lens: love yourself and those around you. Forgive yourself and others for minor mistakes and shortcomings, do not reproach or put pressure on them. Show patience and understanding, learn to stop your irritation. Before you worry, consider the appropriateness of this behavior: what will change and who will benefit from worrying.
- Change your behavior. If a stressful situation is inevitable, then you should change your reaction to it: try to restrain your negative reaction, model the development of the situation, avoid communicating with people who are prone to drama. Look at things through the eyes of a grandmother, wise from the life experience of a kind old woman.
- Relax. In any situation, it is important to try to remain calm. To do this, psychologists advise relaxing, and everyone does it in their own way: some listen to quiet music, some use aromatic oils, some meditate. Many women find children and animals to be a calming factor, so engage in therapeutic playtime with your baby and cat.
These simple and transparent tips for everyone will help you understand how to learn to be calm and make your dreams of balance come true.
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It's never too late to change your behavior and learn to calmly perceive the world and people around you. Only after a woman begins to look at the world calmly and balancedly does she understand how much peace means in life. Your peace of mind is the key to personal and family well-being, a friendly climate at work and strong friendships.
People who are happy with everything in their lives can safely be called happy. After all, they don’t know what stress is. They simply do not experience overstrain and negative emotions to which the body reacts. A person who is constantly in a state of stress becomes angry, irritable and, as they say, starts up half a turn. Sooner or later he gets tired of it. And he wonders - how to be calm in any situation and is this real? Well, everything is possible in our life. And this is no exception.
Voltage reduction
Every person interested in how to be calm in any situation needs to remember that nothing will work without minimizing emotional stress. First you need to start eating well and on time. And starting the morning with something tasty and loved will help lift your spirits. As well as a 10-minute exercise, which will also tone the body.
If a person is faced with a stressful factor at work, then he will have to learn to be distracted. You just need to think about something pleasant - about a house, a loved one, a cake, cats, anything. It’s also worth getting used to daily water procedures. To the bathhouse, shower, pool. Water calms the nerves.
And in general, if a person is thinking about how to be calm in any situation, it means it’s time to change something in his life. Maybe it has become terribly monotonous? Then it won’t hurt to introduce a new hobby or passion into it. The main thing is that it brings pleasure. A joyful, satisfied person simply does not want to be irritated.
Self-control
Typically, the question of how to be calm in any situation is asked by people who are constantly in a stressful environment. For example, at work every day your boss puts pressure on you or your colleagues irritate you with every word they say. There is only one way out - self-control.
An effective method is breathing practice. Namely the square technique. As soon as a person feels an attack of irritation, he will need to start breathing with his left nostril, then with his right, and then with his stomach and chest. This not only calms your heart rate, but also distracts you.
Or you can simply hold your breath and release it after half a minute. This helps minimize brain activity.
Methods of psychology
What happens in any situation if nothing helps? You can try to look at what is happening from the point of view of a balanced and restrained person. If this is a close friend or relative, then half the battle is done - there is already a clear example. We need to think - what would he do? This usually helps. Indeed, it is better to sit down and think than to tear and throw, which usually only aggravates the condition.
By the way, many people advise making a list of so-called personal irritants. You need to know the enemy by sight. And after compiling a list, you can come up with ways to actually cope with the irritant. The next time a person encounters a source of stress, he will confidently be able to counter it with a predetermined method. This will be a small victory, which is guaranteed to improve your mood.
Motivation
There are different cases that make you think about how to remain calm in any situation. Most often people get angry because of failures. Something doesn't work out, and it drives me crazy. I want to give up everything, wash my hands and close myself off from everyone in my shelter. But this is not a solution. Well, motivation will help.
In a situation that is already “on the brink”, it is extremely important to support yourself. Words are powerful things. It’s worth convincing yourself that life gets worse before it gets better. And that even after the darkest night there is always a dawn.
In general, it wouldn’t hurt to read a collection of motivational quotes. The most important things will naturally stick in your memory. For example, Stuart McRobert, a famous publicist and author of works on strength training, said: “You will have failures, injuries and mistakes. Depression and periods of despair. Work, study, family and everyday life will interfere with you more than once. But your inner complex should constantly show only one direction - towards the goal." Stewart addressed athletes and bodybuilders who wanted to achieve victory and titles. But the whole point of this phrase is that it can be applied to any person and situation.
Physical energy release
Surely every person interested in how to behave calmly in any situation has noticed changes in their body at the moment of irritation. Your head begins to make noise, the pressure rises so rapidly that you even feel a pulsation in your temples, you have a desire to scream or even attack someone with your fists with the intention of tearing them to shreds.
It is impossible to keep such a reserve of energy within yourself. Physical relaxation will help. You can sign up for a boxing class, where in the evening you can happily take out all your anger and aggression on a punching bag, imagining the offender instead. Changes will be noticeable almost immediately. If the harmful boss starts making baseless remarks again, the person will automatically remember how yesterday he took it out on the punching bag, imagining the boss in her place. And he will be happy to note to himself that today he will be able to do it again. Besides, anger in this case will make a person better! Stronger, more physically developed, more beautiful. Sport is useful, after all, it is muscle relaxation, which relieves tension accumulating in the body. The well-known phrase is ideal for this case: “Extra energy should be directed in the right direction.”
Everything ends sooner or later
Many people live by this principle. And it's effective. How to learn to be calm in any situation? It is enough just to remember that this (this can be specified depending on the case) is not forever. A project with too much hassle will sooner or later be completed and closed. Someday you will be able to find a new job. It will also be possible to raise money for separate housing. The boss will sooner or later get tired of finding fault over trifles. In general, we need to be simpler.
By the way, this can be recommended to people who are worried about any important event. For example, before a public speaking. True, there are also other ways. It is quite possible to be calm in any situation, even a very responsible one. You just need to set a short-term goal. Go out, give a speech, appear in the best light, do everything that was rehearsed. That's it, the job is done - and was it worth the worry?
People are just afraid too much. Fear clouds their minds and makes it difficult for them to calm down. If you overcome this barrier and set yourself in the right peaceful mood, then everything will work out.
A change of scenery
There is one more piece of advice that can answer the question of how to be calm in any situation. There are different practices. And one of the most effective is to change the environment. Not only physical, but also internal. Many people make a grave mistake - they return home from work, dragging with them a load of stress, worries, conflicts and problems. While in their “fortress”, they continue to think about their worries. And they don’t rest at all. You need to get used to clearly separating work and everything else - rest, home, friends, family, entertainment. Otherwise the vicious circle will never be broken.
It’s worth trying, and a person will soon begin to notice that the thought “Well, again, how tired of all this, not a moment of peace” appears in his head less and less often.
Domestic situations
Much has been said above about how to be calm in any situation and not be nervous when it comes to work, life in society and society in general. But what about ordinary, “home” cases? If a person gets irritated in front of his family and friends and lashes out at them, then this is bad. The source again lies in his external failures related to work, dissatisfaction with his personal life, and lack of money. But those close to you are not to blame. In order not to be annoyed with them, you need to understand this. And don't be dramatic. If a loved one found out how things were going at work, he did not want to once again remind him of his bad boss, annoying colleagues and unloved position. He just showed attention.
And this also happens - a person is simply annoyed by his interlocutor, who, as they say, goes too far. He is interested in things that do not concern him, asks about too personal things, imposes his opinion, tries to convince him of something, proves his opponent wrong. In this case, the person was unlucky. But the issue can be solved simply. You just need to politely put your interlocutor down or move the conversation in a different direction.
The secret is happiness
Quite a lot has been said above about how to be calm in any situation. Psychology is an interesting science. And experts in this field can advise a lot of useful things. But the most important thing that everyone should learn is that the secret of peace lies in happiness. A person who likes everything in his life is always satisfied and happy. He doesn’t get irritated by little things, because he doesn’t care about anything - after all, everything is fine with him. Therefore, if too much has fallen on your shoulders, and it doesn’t give you peace, reminding you of yourself every second, it’s time to change your life. And you don’t need to be afraid to do this. After all, as the famous American writer Richard Bach said, there are no limits for us.