Professional conflicts are a necessary evil. We have to defend our point of view, point out to others their mistakes, and achieve our goal in conditions of lack of time or resources. Sometimes this is difficult and even painful, especially if not all parties to the conflict are willing to maintain a work ethic.
In a work environment, confrontation is part of production process, and most often local skirmishes take place quickly and quite correctly: both sides understand their role and are result-oriented. As a result, labor conflicts already contain the grain of a compromise that just needs to be found. But sometimes we have to deal with those who “play dirty” by using work situation methods of domestic scandal: personalization, veiled or direct insults and substitution of concepts. He does everything to turn a constructive conversation into a domestic quarrel. What are the reasons for this kind of conflict?
What does the aggressor stand for?
“A person who voluntarily enters into conflict communication, as a rule, has already experienced a feeling of humiliation,” says psychologist Anatoly Dobin. Unfortunately, almost everyone has experienced this feeling, but for some people the experience of humiliation is devastating. For example, if it was received in childhood, from people significant to the child.
“Such people,” continues Anatoly Dobin, “are characterized by suspicion and a desire to constantly control their environment. Their goal is to prevent the humiliation of their personality from happening again.” Unfortunately, this manifests itself as touchiness and a tendency to see an attack where there is none. When such a person is approached with work offers, he may take them as an attempt to belittle him as a person and professional.
There is a conflict, not of interests, but of ideas about the situation. While one of the participants in the industrial conflict believes that we're talking about about working issues that need to be discussed and move on, the other believes that his honor and dignity are in danger, and therefore it is necessary to immediately defend them. By humiliating someone else's dignity.
The goal of the aggressor is to offend, to find a sensitive chord of the interlocutor
They're on the move gender stereotypes(“women don’t understand anything”), insults based on age (“it’s too young to tell me”), hints of incompetence (“recruited from an advertisement”) or someone’s patronage (“daddy put it in”). It can be direct and rude or veiled, but it is no less offensive. There are no forbidden topics for the aggressor, and sooner or later he achieves his goal: having touched a sensitive chord, he finally drags his interlocutor from a work situation into a domestic conflict.
It’s worth responding to an insult with an insult at least once, or even just showing that the words hurt you, and the aggressor can celebrate victory: working theme forgotten, the result was not achieved, but nerves were frayed and human dignity was humiliated.
There's only one way to get out similar situation with honor: do not enter it. However, this is not about avoiding confrontation. The way to resolve a professional conflict is to consistently strive to keep the situation within the framework of working negotiations. Let the other person try to offend you or hurt you, you must achieve a result, and that’s all that matters. First of all, for this you need to control yourself.
How to Avoid Conflict
“If you've lost control, you've lost everything,” says psychologist Robert Bakel of the University of Toronto. - Manipulative behavior is intended to make you emotional reaction, force you to behave aggressively or, on the contrary, to defend yourself. If we lose control, we do exactly what the manipulators want us to do. And we lose because we are entering a game that is impossible to win. Self-control is mandatory, and this is precisely behavior control. You may become angry or upset if that is your choice, but you need to watch your behavior.”
Dr. Bakel offers several simple rules, following which a polite, well-mannered, socialized person can emerge victorious from labor conflict with an aggressive manipulator.
Don't rush to answer. Before you get into a conflict at work, think about how you can deal with the situation while experiencing and causing minimal unpleasant emotions. Only then act.
Yes, this means that you should take care not only of your feelings, but also of the feelings of your interlocutor. Remember that he is human, even if he behaves inappropriately. That it might hurt him too. Moreover, he is in pain right now, and even if it is not your fault, it is in your power not to aggravate his suffering.
Pay attention to the speed and volume of your speech. An excited person tends to speak faster and louder, causing the other person to also raise their voice. How faster speech, the less thought there is in it and the higher the likelihood that something irreparable will be said. Do not hurry. Weigh your words.
If possible, take a time out. This doesn't mean you need to avoid conflict, but rather put it aside. If you see that your opponent is seething with negative emotions, invite him to reschedule the conversation. “I’m not ready to talk to you about this now. Let's make an appointment for tomorrow." This gives you time to prepare and gives your opponent time to cool down. In addition, since the conflict occurs in a team and in front of colleagues, it is possible that one of them uses their influence to calm the aggressor.
Don't take risks. Sometimes we think that with one well-aimed blow - perhaps a good joke or a particularly damning argument - we can put an end to a confrontation. But what works so well in sitcoms rarely works in real life. Be correct and don't try to finish everything in one fell swoop.
Focus on results. We get what we focus on. If someone behaves aggressively and provokes you into conflict, you can concentrate on the insults, and then there will only be more of them. Or you can move the conversation into a constructive direction, leaving provocations and insults behind the scenes. And this brings us to the main recommendation.
Words that will help in confrontation
- "Yes". Even arguments against must begin with the word “yes” - it is human nature to calm down when people agree with him.
- "We". Not “us against you”, but “we are with you”. Try to include yourself and the other participant in the conflict in one social group: people more easily side with representatives of “their tribe.”
- “I understand that you are upset” - in response to all attempts to insult you. This way you simultaneously reject the offense and grant forgiveness for it.
- “It’s really not easy” and other phrases that will show: you realize that your opponent’s life is not easy, but the situation requires additional effort.
- “I heard you” is almost a forbidden technique. Use only if negative argumentation has gone in a circle, and this is the third circle.
- “Let’s both take a time out and meet in an hour (at three, tomorrow at ten)” - if you understand that the interlocutor, under the onslaught of emotions, has lost touch with reality.
Don't take the bait.“Bait” are words that have no other purpose than to make you lose your composure, control of yourself and the flow of the conversation. When you lose your temper, you hand over the reins of power to a person who is not inclined to look after your interests. All curses, all insults, all sexist, racist remarks are “baits” designed to distract us from the essence of the work conflict. The answer to them is simple: “I understand that you are upset, but the work must be done.”
Don't give in. Don't return blow to blow. Don't pretend that you even noticed the blow. All you need to do is stick to your line.
Yes. This is hard. The person who is now trying to hurt you may be cruel. But only you can decide whether his attempts will be successful. Only you can decide whether it will really hurt you. By the way, the pain will subside as soon as you achieve your goal: for example, promises to complete the work by Wednesday, provide technical support or provide financing. The result is an amazing healer for a wounded soul, and only it, by and large, matters. Of course, if we are talking about work, and not about love.
Sometimes there are moments when the maximum task is to block and dispel the negative energy of a partner.
This is when you have in front of you a subject charged with negativity, who has long cherished, nurtured and waited for someone to spend this negativity on.
And then - oops! - that's how you are.
And he has no constructive goal other than to pour out everything that has been accumulated and poorly digested onto you, and then leave happy. And it doesn’t matter under what guise the leak occurs: fair parental demands, or street rudeness, or bureaucratic imposingness, or tired and chronic marital squabbles.
And it is clear that therapeutic sermons like “you can always find a solution that suits everyone” are complete bullshit and populism.
Because constructive solution problem implies the presence of constructive goals on both sides and the willingness of these parties to act constructively.
And this, to put it mildly, is not a trend.
What to do in this case?
As always, it’s easier to start with what not to do. You don't need to do anything that activates the fighter or pursuer instinct in the terminator standing in front of you.
That is, there is no need:
Ignore the aggressor(he turns on the dominant “he considers me empty space»)
Make excuses(the excitement of “breaking through the defense” is turned on)
Proving him wrong(you are putting him in a competitive position with loss of face if he loses).
Here are the “hot ten” techniques for working with negative energy partner:
1. BRIDE KIDNAPPING. Disconnect from source
Old format grocery store with a counter. A couple of dozen buyers mill about in the hall. Suddenly, attention is captured by a woman waving an open bottle of milk and making a menacing speech on the topic “they sold sour.” The saleswomen are confused, attempts to calm down the daughter of Nemesis and somehow resolve the situation (return the money, replace the product) are unsuccessful. The scandal is growing, and other fighters for justice against sour milk are joining the prosecution.
What's happening? It is quite obvious that the question is not about milk, the girl is simply collecting the energy of the room, and she enjoys it. Take him by the elbow, take him out into the corridor under the vows “we’ll solve everything right now” - and the storm will subside. The cord is unplugged from the socket. Any person who works with groups of people by profession must remember once and for all - no showdowns in public. Take away, cut off, cut off the conflicting side from the source of power.
One of my good friends, as soon as a “heart-to-heart talk” is brewing with his wife, he immediately takes her hand and takes her out into the street: “let’s go for a walk, and we’ll talk there.” Because an apartment in which you have lived for a long time, charged with the emotions of the past, is exactly the same source of energy. Go out to the park! Unplug the cord!
2. LOVING DAD. Have pity on the aggressor
A friend of mine has an eleven-year-old daughter. To be honest, she is not an example of an excellent student, Komsomol member or athlete. In short, mom almost always has something to show her. “There is something to eat, but how to eat it?” Mom almost never manages to clear her daughter’s brains. I watched the dialogue:
Damn, Olga, two deuces again! You promised!!
Oh, mom, why are you so worried? You can't, you have blood pressure...
I'm not worried, you should be worried about your studies!..
Well, you say that you’re not worried, but I see that you’re worried, but you really shouldn’t... Well, don’t be so upset, you’re a fool, daughter, what can you do...
In the “Loving Dad” technique, the main thing is total sincerity of sympathy. The girl professionally leaves the line of fire, stands next to the shooter and wholeheartedly shows care and understanding - she just doesn’t pat him on the head. “I’m here, I’m my own bourgeoisie, and there’s some other stupid daughter under fire, how I sympathize with you, mom...” At the moment when the fire is transferred to her, she easily and gracefully makes a dance step and remains next to the shooter - and again out of the affected area.
3. GOOD INVESTIGATOR. Interrogation with understanding
Another familiar family. My husband is a terrible bore. No matter what the wife does, everything is wrong. Everything is bad, I’m dissatisfied with everything.
Lately he's been acting pretty wow. I ask my “other half” - what happened, are you sick? No, he says, I just changed tactics. Previously, I tried not to notice his claims, I held on for a long time - until I broke. It didn't help, it only made things worse. And now I have one reaction to all his presentations: long questions about what he means. And what? But as? What for? Did I understand correctly what you wanted to say?.. And if I always do this, will it suit you? What if it's not? And why?
So what, it doesn’t make him angry, I ask? Why should this make him angry, she was sincerely surprised. I want to understand him so that I can do it better! It’s not my fault that while I’m asking questions, the initiative is on my side?
As she said this, she smiled slyly.
4. MIND EXCHANGE. Voice other people's thoughts
One of the toughest and effective techniques. By turning on the “exchange of minds”, you simply voice your interlocutor’s complaints against you, sincerely joining them. There are technical options:
a) Mirror. Thoughts are repeated after the interlocutor. “You never clean up after yourself! – Mom, you’re absolutely right! I never clean up after myself, sorry!”
b) Preventive. Thoughts are voiced before complaints. “Mom, I understand what you’re going to say now. And you're absolutely right. I really rarely clean up after myself. And this is completely unacceptable!”
c) Epistolary. “Mom, if you are reading this letter, then you already understand that I went to the club without cleaning my room. This is completely unacceptable, and although I simply didn’t have time, this does not excuse me at all...”
c) Reducing. “Yes, mom, you’re absolutely right!” After this, the “Robot” technique is turned on (see below).
5. WORKING MEETING. Give the word to an “adult”
The Inner Adult is our subpersonality, which is focused on achieving goals and cold calculations. Unlike the internal Parent and Child, the Adult does not consider it advisable to show emotions in a conflict, but operates with results, resources, and algorithms.
So, you came home again after ten! How many times have we talked about this! How many times have you promised! What about your studies? You've slipped into threes! What about your friends? This is a shame and disgrace!!
So, dad... I understand that you are suggesting that we talk. But let's not do this on the threshold, let's go into the hall, sit down and talk. Here... Now come on. Just not in bulk. What do you want to discuss? What time is it now? My studies? Or my friends? Let's choose one topic and discuss? But in such a way as to come to some result that suits both of us...
6. SCALES OF JUSTICE. Compare alternatives
The technique is simple. Instead of war, barricades and standing up for what’s right, you take own point point of view, the point of view of your partner and with demonstrative objectivity you compare their pros and cons.
The question is not to find The best decision. The trick is that by doing this, you turn from an opponent into an expert. Another way to move elegantly out of the line of fire. Experts are not shot at. Usually.
7. SUSANIN. Take you to history
How could you do this?!!
It really didn't work out well. I remember one similar case, where everything ended even worse. One day an inspector comes to visit us...
I’m not asking about the incident, but about you personally!!
So I say, everything could have ended very badly. One of my clients told me that...
Don't stop, just don't stop!
8. BREAK. Break the script
The child is crying because they didn’t buy him a toy. Bitter tears and the sounds of a KAMAZ accelerating uphill. Persuasion, promises and the threat of flogging do not work. Only one thing works: “Wow, the pussy ran!!! Aaah, what a pussy!”
Any of your opponents has a clear set of scenarios - what you can do and how he will respond to it. But if you fundamentally do NOT THIS, it is lost, since it has no continuation under “not this.” I won’t expand on this, because I can’t tell you better than Bandler and Grinder about breaking the mold anyway.
9. GRANDFATHER FREUD. Give an interpretation
The technique is a hard version of the “Loving Dad” technique. You not only sympathize with the aggressor, but also try to understand the reasons for his aggressive mood. Maybe he had a fight with his wife? Or is he having problems at work? Or has he been this gloomy since childhood? May be, early problems with mom?
Whether you get punched in the face or not depends greatly on the sincerity of your sympathy and interest.
10. ROBOT. I only know these words
What, is there some kind of marriage?
No. I would like to exchange this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
Yes, but we can only do this on Friday, when the director will be here...
I would like to exchange this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
So, don't interfere with your work!! You see, other customers cannot approach the cash register...
I don't think this is my problem. I would like to exchange this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
If you repeat the same thing, changing the text slightly introductory phrases, it is impossible to bring you into conflict.
Conflict is a creative thing, and you are a robot. And robots usually get their way. Sooner or later.
...millions of years ago, an instructor once explained to us yellowmouths:
Rolling down the mountain huge stone. What you do depends on what style is native to you. If you are a taekwondo master, you will break the stone into small rubble with a kick, if you are a wushu master, you will beat it off with a cunning block. And if you are an aikido master, you will take a step to the side and let the stone pass you by....
Is it possible to avoid conflicts in business or personal relationships? "No!" - anyone will answer professional psychologist. Conflicts, as an extreme form of resolving contradictions, are inevitable, but they can be managed within certain limits. To do this, you need to learn to distinguish between forms of behavior in conflict and the corresponding outcome options. It is also useful to know the basic rules or ethics of behavior in conflict. Behavior in conflict is very diverse. But what rules must be followed to mitigate the conflict or make it constructive? Such rules of behavior in a conflict situation, ensuring best way out from an acute situation, several.
Rule 1: have an open mind towards the initiator of the conflict.
The first rule of behavior in conflict is a fair, unbiased attitude towards the initiator of the conflict. Every interpersonal conflict begins with the appearance of a person in a couple or group who is dissatisfied with something - this is the initiator of the conflict. It is he who makes demands, claims, grievances and expects his partner to listen to him and change his behavior. After all, how does a partner usually react to the initiator of a conflict? Purely negative. He accuses him of being “again dissatisfied with something, again starting a quarrel over trifles,” that “he is always missing something,” “everything is always wrong for him.” The role of the accused is always unpleasant, therefore, naturally, every normal person tries to avoid it or “prepares to rebuff the initiator.”
It should be remembered that the initiator of the conflict, with rare exceptions when it is simply a capricious, uncooperative, “quarrelsome” person, always has personal reasons for “starting a quarrel.” As a rule, behind his dissatisfaction and claims there is a fairly significant reason or personal interest - some state of affairs that does not suit him, burdens him, torments him, causes anxiety or inconvenience.
Thus, in order for the conflict not to go down the “crooked path” from the very first step, you need to treat the initiator of the conflict fairly and, clearly, patiently: do not immediately condemn, do not dismiss, do not scold, but carefully and listen to him as kindly as possible.
Rule 2: do not expand the subject of the dispute.
The second rule of behavior in conflict is to identify the subject of the conflict and not expand it. The subject is understood as the reason for the partner’s dissatisfaction: what specifically does not suit him, what does he not like in the behavior of the other? The initiator of the conflict must also observe this rule, i.e. clearly and clearly formulate, first of all, for himself, what does not suit him and irritates him in the other. Then fully and clearly state the reason for your complaints.
Often, quarreling people do not know how to follow this rule. Vague irritation with something is poorly realized and is presented in the form of a spoiled mood. In this case, partners get bogged down in vague accusations, nagging, jabs and even insults, through which the “accused” does not see the essence of the quarrel.
I’ll give an example of a telephone conversation in the office: “Aren’t you talking too loudly on the phone?” And further, “expanding the subject”: “For some reason everyone should work, but you should talk?!” Not only did the initiator expand the subject of the conflict, he actually insulted the “accused.” The assessment of hard work already concerns the field of business and personal qualities the accused, and if he bad mood and in addition has a practical personality type, he will move to a “frontal” defense or to a “frontal attack” on the offender.
In a marital conflict, the wife formulates the subject quite precisely; "I don't want you smoking in the room." But he immediately adds: “And in general, be more careful, you always wrinkle your clothes, stain your chair with ashes.” She expanded the subject of the conflict: she added several more claims, in addition to a personal one: “You have become somehow sloppy.” When several accusations fall on a person at once, it is difficult for him to assimilate them and take note of them. When there are many subjects of conflict, the spouses cannot deal with any of them in detail and meaningfully, a “jam of problems” is created, the quarrel inevitably drags on and “there is no end in sight.”
So, the second rule of behavior in conflict “clarification of the subject of the conflict and not expanding the number of subjects” should include “reducing the number of claims at once.” The danger of expanding the number of claims is that the accused gets the impression of absolute guilt in everything that happens to the initiator of the conflict.
Another consequence of the expansion in the number of claims may be increased irritation of the accused, who does not know how to “please the initiator,” and is it even necessary to do this if “everything is so bad”?! For example, the conflict began over a loud conversation on the phone, then moved on to something else, a report was not given on time, the “idleness” of the accused, etc. was remembered. And then the initiator said everything that had accumulated in his soul,” and the accused, driven to the extreme, also “didn’t remain in debt,” and laid it all out straight “regardless of faces.”
Related to the second rule of behavior in conflict is psychological property Some individuals, who are often non-conflict by nature, restrain themselves and avoid conflict. Sooner or later, mentally accumulating small grievances form a “snowball” that is difficult to stop. The opportunity that presents itself will reveal so many grievances and omissions that it will be simply impossible to cope with the conflict.
That is why the outcome of the conflict such as “smoothing out” and especially “leaving” is not recommended. They can leave the initiator and the accused with grievances in the form of unresolved contradictions. Various mental associations, gradually accumulating, overgrown with details of other clashes and omissions even with other people, will cause a generalization of the subject of the conflict and, most importantly, the emotional involvement of the accused and the initiator will increase. Here, another danger awaits the participants - partners of the conflict - drawing a hasty conclusion about the appropriateness of these relations in general.
Thus, quite often among young spouses, “marriage and divorce” can become an ordinary, commonplace thing. The ease with which young spouses talk about divorce is not so harmless. At first half-jokingly, and then seriously, accumulated grievances and omissions lead to hasty conclusions and decisions. Well known from various areas practical activities a person that it is easier to destroy than to build and, especially, anew. The same thing - in interpersonal relationships: You can’t rush to conclusions about the meaning specific relationships- comradely, friendly, friendly and especially marital.
Psychological research shows that only the presence of all types of relationships provides an individual with harmonious development, life satisfaction, and optimism. Active personality It is easier to establish relationships in new circumstances, although she cannot provide herself with all types of relationships in these conditions. An introverted, uncommunicative person also makes it easier to get by with a minimum of contacts and relationships. But it is absolutely impossible to form family, parental, marital and friendly relationships in the same capacity.
Neglect of friendly and comradely relationships affects not only the reputation of the individual, but, ultimately, creates an internal barrier of inability to maintain relationships. As a result, the individual develops a trait such as suspicion in relationships with other people. She focuses her attention on failures in relationships with people, often doubts the sincerity of any relationship, and is overly critical and even negative in assessing the behavior of others. Losing various contacts and relationships due to his suspicion and distrust, such a person isolates himself even more.
Rule 3: strive for a positive solution to the conflict.
The third rule of behavior in conflict is the formulation positive decision acute situation. This will force the initiator, firstly, to mentally weigh all the pros and cons of the accusation being brought forward; secondly, calculate possible consequences conflict for relationships; and thirdly, to think for the accused himself about his preferred outcome of the conflict. All together this can: reduce the potential for negative tension of the initiator, expand his understanding of the subject and feasibility of the conflict, and feel like he is in the role of the accused. For example: “I have a really bad headache today, and if possible, speak a little lower.” The initiator seems to find an extraneous reason forcing him to make a claim, which weakens the tension of the situation.
An unobtrusive appeal to well-being also helps to mitigate the conflict, for example, this variant of the initiator’s behavior: “You know, while you talk, I’ll go to the next department on business.”
A positive solution to a marital conflict can proceed like this. The wife, dissatisfied with her husband’s smoking in the room, suggests: “I understand that it’s hard for you to quit smoking, but I can’t stand tobacco smoke well, maybe you’ll smoke in the kitchen? Then the room will remain fresh air, and you won’t worsen your comfort.”
To avoid a quarrel in a conflict situation, the accused needs to clarify the subject of the contradictions, localize the causes of discontent and invite the conflict initiator to suggest a positive way out.
Another option for the development of the conflict. In the room, the husband reads or writes, the wife listens to music. “Turn off the radio,” is how he formulates his desired outcome of the situation. This is exactly what he expects and demands; this outcome suits him. But, at the same time, it is unclear whether the music interferes with concentration or is it just a whim of the husband? With the correct tactics of behavior, the “accused” clarifies the subject possible conflict: “Music generally bothers you in this moment or, with its quiet sound, could you continue your work?
Rule 4: control your emotions.
The fourth rule of behavior in conflict concerns the emotional side of the dispute. Often, conflicting partners are able to correctly determine the subject of the conflict, treat fairly the rights of the initiator, express their demands, and outline the outcome of the conflict, but the entire tone of the conversation sometimes nullifies these achievements. As a rule, the conflicting parties experience emotional tension at the time of the conflict. Their statements are categorical, categorical, and demanding.
Often the initiator of the conflict begins the “offensive” in a raised voice, without choosing any expressions. Sometimes, in familiar relations at work, rudeness towards each other becomes the norm. And if men tolerate vulgar expressions more easily, then they simply insult women. A natural reaction to any tactless and rude attack from the initiator may be the response of the accused: “Are you, in fact, talking to me in such a tone?” Furthermore“, such a mistake by the initiator allows the partner to completely avoid the dispute in the most “honest” way”: “I can’t stand rudeness and shouting, when you cool down, then maybe we’ll talk, but maybe not!” And the accused will be right in his own way.
Therefore the most required condition dispute, collision - the most calm and even tone of statements, accuracy and thoughtfulness of words. It is necessary to speak in such a way that there is not even a hint of irritation, anger, reproach in the voice and words, there is no insult towards the partner. In a word, the form of the dispute should be “ business conversation business people."
It is appropriate, in connection with the tone of the debate, to mention the form of address “You”. In Russian literary language It is customary in business relationships to address people not as “you”, but as “You”. Moreover, it is no coincidence that “You” is written with a capital letter, which indicates a respectful and distant attitude. In general, the form of address “You” carries a large regulatory load in interpersonal relationships. The desire to break social, age, and role barriers in relationships is misinterpreted by people in everyday life when they neglect remote form“You” are often in trouble. Thus, having broken the distance in official and professional relationships, the boss is surprised when a subordinate behaves “too loosely” in a conflict.
There is a certain selectivity in establishing relationships between “you” and “you”. Persons with good self-control and self-regulation easily, depending on the situation, move from one distance to another. But there are also people who strive in every possible way to reduce the distance in relationships, which supposedly gives them the right to behave “like their own people” in an official setting. In these cases, the distance can be increased unilaterally by switching to “You” in any situation. The distance is also increased by avoiding conversations on any personal topics. Of course, the form of address “You” is acceptable in business, official relations and she will look pretentious and even funny in personal, family relationships.
Rule 5: Be tactful in an argument.
And finally, the fifth and most important rule: avoid conflicts that affect feelings self-esteem personality. Claims about loud noise should not be allowed telephone conversation turned into personal insult. For example: “You don’t just talk loudly, but you are a talker and don’t want to work. You live by the principle “what would you do to do nothing!” Conflicts over trifles, unfortunately, often flare up in transport, when one, unexpected jolt in a crowded carriage is enough for personal insults to rain down. And then the mood is spoiled for a long time, it is transferred to the work environment, to the house - the circle of insults for everyone and everything closes . Often, even adults retain “childish egocentrism,” when any conflicts with any people are perceived as purely personal.
“Children’s egocentrism - infantilism” is especially sensitive to minor troubles. All it takes is a push in transport, a careless word at work or at home - and your pride is hurt, although it may have absolutely nothing to do with it. But the “offended” person is ready to fight back “by full form" Very easily, each specific offender becomes the embodiment of evil, dissatisfaction with him develops into a generalized assessment of his belonging to a certain gender, age, profession, education, nationality. Thus, an unexpected offender - a man - in the eyes of a woman can personify the whole masculine(rude, selfish, “ungentlemanly”). A woman who accidentally hurts a man’s pride embodies all women who only exist to annoy men (“All of you...”).
By subject, conflicts can be divided into “business” and “personal”. Business conflict based on in different ways to some things, third parties, ways of behavior. He is always specific: “I don’t want you... smoking in the room, dating this guy, playing the tape recorder so loudly, throwing your things around, etc.” IN production sector a business conflict may begin like this: “You must follow safety regulations, in otherwise, an accident is possible, and you will be a victim or guilty of what may happen,” “You must maintain labor discipline.” All business conflicts are based on the principle of obligation, the need to comply with certain rules of business relations.
Personal conflicts are always less specific, and the complaint is directed not at specific behavior, but at the partner’s personality as a whole. An example of family and marital conflicts: “I’m tired of your tediousness. You are so uncollected. You always lie to me. You're very rude man etc." In the business sphere of relations, the initiator of the conflict also gives a generalized assessment of the personality of the culprit: “You are completely lazy man" “Your stupidity amazes me.” “You are too talkative to do anything serious and necessary.” As you can see, the person as a whole is being reproached here; behind the personal claims there is the assessment “You (You) are not good.”
Business conflicts are much easier and easier to resolve. But personal ones - only with difficulty. After all, behind personal claims there is a demand that a person completely or partially change his character, temperament, or even needs. Behavioral habits, one way or another, may have a deep, stable foundation. So, if it is possible to partially correct tastes, attachments, habits, then it is impossible to change the basic needs of the individual, his temperament. In a stressful or conflict situation natural features personalities will definitely make themselves known. All this, however, does not mean that a personality, once formed, is no longer capable of changing and improving.
If circumstances do not make it possible to end any relationship, then you can resort to effective way: “talk frankly”, it’s reasonable to argue. Such conditions of difficulty are possible in family relationships and cooperative relationships, when a common cause obliges us to interact “against all odds.”
For a reasonable dispute, certain rules must be followed. An “open conversation” should take place at a certain, agreed upon time, and not “on the go,” “by the way.” The spontaneity and thoughtlessness of a rational dispute “will leave everything in its place,” and “there will be a sediment in the soul.” This is what the surveyed and counseled couples told us. It is very important to determine the location of the dispute. It is not good to argue in front of children or parents, or in the presence of guests. IN production conditions a business dispute has the same rule: choosing a time convenient for both parties and “the absence of interested witnesses.”
Before a dispute, the initiator must clearly formulate “what he wants to say” without asking extraneous questions. It is better for both sides to go into an argument with a willingness to find all the best that the other has.
And the main condition is a calm tone and self-suggested motivation for the inevitability of cooperation. You can mentally imagine a desert island where, except for the two of you, there is no one and it is not known when there will be. Naturally, for everyone normal person the choice of the alternative “conflict - cooperation” will be obvious. And you cannot think that your partner imagines the situation differently. Moreover, sooner or later he can feel the “background” of cooperation rather than rivalry.
In an interpersonal conflict, especially in the family, household, partner (marital) sphere, there is not only the right side and only the guilty side. Sometimes a conflict arises due to the fact that one party is overexcited for some reason (difficulties at work, a quarrel with a friend, complications in family relationships), and the other party, instead of “going away” or “smoothing out” the tension, chooses tactics confrontation or coercion. Objectively assessing the situation, the positions of the initiator and the accused are clearly visible. And although the initiator is only in a tense state, the conflict has been revealed and is not directly connected with this particular partner, but supposedly the “accused” is already in a hurry to “take the blow,” instead of taking the conversation in a different direction and giving the initiator the opportunity to discharge himself into “ in a different direction." The practical personality type is more categorical in its judgments, therefore it is more often and straightforward in assessing the situation “either he or I.”
You cannot immediately reject any accusation, even one that seems absurd and unfounded. Any claim of an accomplice (partner) has some basis, or perhaps the conflict has a completely different source. It is important to discuss this issue immediately or agree on a conversation (but in no case a “showdown”) later and in a calmer atmosphere. The tactics of initial rejection, even if only mental, are characteristic of practical type personality, the cognitive (thinking) type is more rigid (inflexible), it requires time to think or clarify controversial points of the contradiction that has arisen.
It is necessary to remember that everyone is an individual and therefore it is sometimes difficult for us to resolve contradictions that arise in relationships. He (the other) is just a little different from us, and this may cause disagreement. When we encounter other people, we discover similarities and differences in points of view, emotional states, behavior. Similarity causes satisfaction, but temporary, then indifference and even boredom may set in. Difference creates tension, but it also allows for interest in individuals different from our own. Collaboration is facilitated by finding similarities between “I” and “he” (or “she”).
It is wrong to believe that life is pure pleasure, without any problems, obstacles, or complications. It is also not true that the other person should always only be pleasant and sympathetic to us. This must be remembered especially when difficulties or difficulties arise in interpersonal relationships. The presence of contradictions and even conflicts is inevitable, but the main thing is not to rush to conclusions about “to be or not to be a relationship.”
It is unacceptable, in conditions of any tension in relations, disagreement, to make generalizations such as: “All men”, “All women”, “Everything that generally interferes with life”. Such generalizations are not limited only to the mentally accepted position, but an assessment of the situation is given and our emotions are included, further strengthening the generalizations, consolidating them in the form of a persistently experienced conflict.
One cannot think that a conflict, once resolved, will not arise again. After all, the formation of optimal relationships is associated with the development of new personality traits, for example, compliance, tolerance for the mistakes of others, etc. It takes patience and time to bring communication skills“to perfection”, satisfying both parties.
It must be remembered that what closer relationship, for example, marital ones, the more difficult it is in cases of their difficulties. Friendly and love relationship They oblige us to little, but they are also more superficial and unreliable, just like friendly relationships that bind us to one common cause. True, existing administrative legislation production discipline regulate relationships, but the problem of personal relationships does not completely disappear. Hidden difficulties remain here too. It is important to resolve them correctly for the good of the common cause.
It is useful to alternate the time of communication with each other and isolation from each other, which is especially important for close family and marital relationships. For each, for example, married couple, there is an optimal ratio of communication and isolation, but it must be there, since it makes it possible to better feel the personal uniqueness and originality of the partner. After all, in order for there to be interest in each other, personality development is necessary. Without internal work on oneself, a person becomes ordinary and uninteresting. Of course, at the beginning of our relationship it is difficult to a short time exhaust spiritual and emotional values. But constant, day after day, communication reduces the “newness” of relationships. The effect of monotony is also known, which manifests itself not only in monotonous work, but also in human relationships.
We must remember that men and women are differently sensitive to the assessment of their personality. So, if a woman is more sensitive to assessments of her appearance and attractiveness, then men value most of all their business qualities, the ability to solve practical, life tasks. By slightly overestimating these qualities, we will not go far from the truth. It is no coincidence that they say that a woman becomes a woman next to a man, and a man becomes next to a woman. It is necessary to accumulate a “baggage” of positive memories about each other, this will play a role positive role in conditions of tension and conflict. At such moments, it is better to remember not the worst, but best moments past relationships.
The relationships of friendship, partnership and marriage cannot be idealized. Neither the first, nor the second, nor the third can completely solve our internal difficulties. Only the diversity of relationships provides confidence and optimism in life. Also unreasonable is the cynicism and vulgarity of relationships, from which, like a cancerous disease, not only they themselves, but also the personality are destroyed. The principle here is: “What goes around comes around!”
Do not try to completely “remake” or re-educate each other at work, at home, in the family. It’s better to engage in self-education - it will help you personally and will not cause protest or hostility from others. High demands on yourself, first of all, and then on others. This does not mean that you always have to blame only yourself for everything. There is a category of shy, insecure people. For greater confidence, they should, having overcome themselves, believe in their capabilities, find the strength to change others, although this is not easy, since they became insecure due to their upbringing, when they were too often underestimated and their initiative was suppressed.
Shy people need to constantly improve themselves and become more active. community service, which makes it possible to contact different people with different styles of behavior and communication. All this will expand the range of knowledge, skills, and communication skills. The art of communication is born only in practice collaboration(educational, labor, social).
Credibility and distrust are one of the the most important qualities personality that determines its interpersonal comfort. Excessive and constant gullibility is a sign of inexperience and vulnerability of the individual. But the worst thing is suspicion of everything. The distrust of one, especially the leader, almost always gives rise to the distrust of subordinates. Without mutual trust, people would never be able to agree on anything. And how we value trust in us!
The last and perhaps most significant point is that relationships require a lot of work to preserve them. But they don’t write about this in textbooks, no one teaches this. Meanwhile, it is easier to destroy than to build again. In the work collective and in the personal, family and everyday spheres, daily work is required to manage relationships. In business relationships, the motto should be cooperation on a principled business basis. In these conditions, disputes are necessary for the sake of a common cause. Without them, a business partnership relationship can turn into a personal friendship relationship. Cooperation will be replaced by community. In personal relationships, the motto will be community, for the sake of preserving the relationship, and not for the sake of business.
If cooperation exists only for business, then commonwealth exists to preserve feelings of personal affection, but regardless of the type of relationship, their labor intensity is the same. In educational labor activity the progress of technology, technology, and labor rationalization is noticeable. In the area of human relations, difficulties do not completely disappear. And the next generation, and each person resolves them in his own way, fights again and again.
Coping with life's problems
And then - oops! - that's how you are.
What to do in this case?
That is, there is no need:
7. SUSANIN. Take you to history
- How could you do this?
8. BREAK. Break the script
- What, is there some kind of marriage?
— I would like to change this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
Source:
How to get away from conflict
Psychologist
https://psiholog.mirtesen.ru/blog/43424109731/Kak-uyti-ot-konflikta:-10-tehnik
How to get away from conflict
Any conflict at work can be neutralized with the help of certain speech techniques that will not only extinguish negativity, but also lead to fruitful cooperation. Psychologist Marina Prepotenskaya offers techniques for resolving conflict situations. Life without conflicts, alas, is impossible: in business, in everyday life, in personal relationships. Conflict (translated from Latin as “clash”) is almost inevitable between people and its cause is often mutually opposed, incompatible needs, goals, attitudes, values...
What to say during a conflict at work: 15 techniques
There are situations in life when views or desires different people do not match. Very often the result of this is open confrontation or conflict. When faced with targeted aggression or discontent, it causes unpleasant emotions. By using psychological techniques you can resolve a dispute with your opponent with minimal losses.
Sooner or later, the conflict ends. There are several ways to get out of a conflict. Violence
You don't have to look far for examples. Violence in conflict resolution leads to fights, and at the large level social groups– to wars and armed conflicts. The principle “The strong is always right” in a civilized version is transformed into the rule “The boss is always right.”
Today we will talk about how to behave in conflict situations, which, unfortunately, cannot always be avoided. Even if you are a compliant person, there are individuals who crave confrontation. And you will have to somehow get out of this difficult situation with dignity and with your head held high.
Nadezhda says: 03/01/2013 at 23:22 Conflicts ndash; This an integral part of our life. Unfortunately, this fact cannot be canceled, but you should not immediately be upset about this. Firstly, conflicts can be not only destructive, but also constructive. Secondly, if you are not the initiator, then there are ways to get away from the conflict.
How to get away from conflict:: JustLady.ru is the territory of women’s...
Psychological Aikido Rule one Rule two Rule three Mistakes in mastering psychological aikido Who is a hero in your opinion? “Oh,” you say, “a hero is one who fought for a long time, lost a lot of strength and blood, and as a result won everyone. The one whose tired face, shiny with sweat, is illuminated by a contented smile: I am the bravest, smartest, hardiest!” In general, you are partly right.
It often happens in life conflict situations. They create stress, exhaust your nerves, and make you worry. Therefore, most often people try to avoid conflict, unless they are notorious brawlers. How to do this most effectively? The best way to avoid conflict - to prevent it. If you know that there is a scandalous person in your environment, or a person with whom you constantly have disagreements, try to reduce your communication with him to a minimum. When communication cannot be avoided, be polite and formal.
“A business conflict is a discussion of a problem. In psychological conflict, personalities are discussed. Psychological the conflict is ongoing to mutual destruction, while business solves the problem and brings partners together” (M. Litvak). What should you really do? How to choose the right line of behavior, correctly avoid conflict and direct it in a positive direction?
Professional conflicts are a necessary evil. We have to defend our point of view, point out to others their mistakes, and achieve our goal in conditions of lack of time or resources. Sometimes this is difficult and even painful, especially if not all parties to the conflict are willing to maintain a work ethic.
It's no secret that avoiding quarrels is not easy. Even in the most happy families Quarrels happen. Of course, building relationships in such a way as to completely avoid quarrels is almost impossible. But it is necessary to learn how to get out of conflict situations. You don't need a huge scandal, right?
How to get away from conflict and why you need it - WomanSuccess
I really liked the statement of one of my friends about conflicts and the need to extinguish them. When you are on the road and you see an oncoming car flying towards you at full speed, you either brake or swerve to the side. What about during a quarrel? During a conflict, the egoism of both people comes into collision at full speed. But instead of turning into a ditch or slowing down, people step on the gas as hard as they can.”
PsiBlogFeb 28, 2017 | Kropaleva Irina Evgenievna, General psychology, Simonov Vyacheslav Mikhailovich, Articles | 52 comments Even when someone who is not close to you shows aggression, it causes confusion and mixed feelings. When this happens in communication with loved ones, choosing a behavior strategy is even more difficult. And you can probably remember several examples of people who are well versed in such situations and know what to say and how to behave.
How to behave in conflict situations? Ways to resolve conflicts
Conflict is something that can arise both in family and friendship relationships, and in a work environment. People's behavior in conflict situations determines the outcome not only of the quarrel itself, but also of the relationship as a whole. That is why it is very important to be able to properly resolve various disagreements or, even better, to be able to work around them. So how to behave in conflict situations correctly? Let's find out!
If a girl and a guy know how to conflict, each clash is only beneficial for the couple, because relationships cannot develop completely smoothly. But if every time you swear to smithereens, and then very painfully restore trust in each other and lick your wounds, you should try to avoid frequent quarrels. But how to get away from conflict, especially if you are both hot-tempered people? Nothing will work out unless you learn to control your emotions and eliminate the sources of problems that cause discord.
How to manage conflict. — From the series “Psychology of Success”
Instead, wait until the person has fully expressed themselves and let off steam. Listen to his suggestions for solving the problem. Focus his attention not on personal feelings and vision, but on options for compromise. Distract your interlocutor. Ask a question that is not related to the problem being solved, but is important to him. You can just give a compliment. While your partner is at a loss, you will figure out what to do next.
Quarrels in the family are a common thing for many. Meanwhile, studies show that 15% of respondents quarrel over any issue. Surely you sometimes wonder how to get away from a conflict with your husband? There is nothing wrong with a quarrel if it arose for some reason, and not just like that, and if you and your husband both emerge victorious from this quarrel. Doesn't that happen? It turns out that it happens. Moreover, this is exactly how a quarrel should end according to the rules. Such disagreements will not harm your family happiness.
How to get away from conflict?? How to make peace with your husband, is it worth...
Any professional psychologist will answer. Conflicts, as an extreme form of resolving contradictions, are inevitable, but they can be managed within certain limits. To do this, you need to learn to distinguish between forms of behavior in conflict and the corresponding outcome options. It is useful to know the basic rules or ethics
Source:
How to get away from conflict
Any conflict at work can be neutralized with the help of certain speech techniques that will not only extinguish the negativity, but also lead to a fruitful era.
http://www.chsvu.ru/kak-ujti-ot-konflikta/
How to get away from conflict: 10 techniques
Sometimes there are moments when the maximum task is to block and dispel the negative energy of a partner.
This is when you have in front of you a subject charged with negativity, who has long cherished, nurtured and waited for someone to spend this negativity on.
And then - oops! - that's how you are.
And he has no constructive goal other than to pour out everything that has been accumulated and poorly digested onto you, and then leave happy. And it doesn’t matter under what guise the leak occurs: fair parental demands, or street rudeness, or bureaucratic imposingness, or tired and chronic marital squabbles.
What to do in this case?
As always, it’s easier to start with what not to do. You don't need to do anything that activates the fighter or pursuer instinct in the terminator standing in front of you.
That is, there is no need:
Ignore the aggressor (he turns on the dominant “he considers me an empty place”)
Make excuses (the excitement of “breaking through the defense” is turned on)
Prove him wrong (you put him in a competitive position with loss of face if he loses).
Here are the “hot ten” techniques for working with a partner’s negative energy (use the techniques that suit you):
- BRIDE KIDNAPPING. Disconnect from source
Old format grocery store with a counter. A couple of dozen buyers mill about in the hall. Suddenly, attention is captured by a woman waving an open bottle of milk and making a menacing speech on the topic “they sold sour.” The saleswomen are confused, attempts to calm down the daughter of Nemesis and somehow resolve the situation (return the money, replace the product) are unsuccessful. The scandal is growing, and other fighters for justice against sour milk are joining the prosecution.
What's happening? It is quite obvious that the question is not about milk, the girl is simply collecting the energy of the room, and she enjoys it. Take him by the elbow, take him out into the corridor under the vows “we’ll solve everything right now” - and the storm will subside. The cord is unplugged from the socket. Any person who, by profession, works with groups of people must remember once and for all - no showdowns in public. Take away, cut off, cut off the conflicting side from the source of power.
One of my good friends, as soon as a “heart-to-heart talk” is brewing with his wife, he immediately takes her hand and takes her out into the street: “let’s go for a walk, and we’ll talk there.” Because an apartment in which you have lived for a long time, charged with the emotions of the past, is exactly the same source of energy. Go out to the park! Unplug the cord!
2. LOVING DAD. Have pity on the aggressor
A friend of mine has an eleven-year-old daughter. To be honest, she is not an example of an excellent student, Komsomol member or athlete. In short, mom almost always has something to show her. “There is something to eat, but how to eat it?” Mom almost never manages to clear her daughter’s brains. I watched the dialogue:
- Damn, Olga, two deuces again! You promised!!
- Oh, mom, why are you so worried? You can't, you have blood pressure...
“I’m not worried, you should be worried about your studies.”
- Well, you say that you’re not worried, but I see that you’re worried, but you really can’t... Well, don’t be so upset, you’re a fool, daughter, what can you do...
In the “Loving Dad” technique, the main thing is total sincerity of sympathy. The girl professionally leaves the line of fire, stands next to the shooter and wholeheartedly shows care and understanding - she just doesn’t pat him on the head. “I’m here, I’m my own bourgeoisie, and there’s some other stupid daughter under fire, how I sympathize with you, mom...” At the moment when the fire is transferred to her, she easily and gracefully makes a dance step and remains next to the shooter - and again out of the affected area.
3. GOOD INVESTIGATOR. Interrogation with understanding
Another familiar family. My husband is a terrible bore. No matter what the wife does, everything is wrong. Everything is bad, I’m dissatisfied with everything. Was.
Lately he's been acting pretty wow. I ask my “other half” - what happened, are you sick? No, he says, I just changed tactics. Previously, I tried not to notice his claims, I held on for a long time - until I broke. It didn't help, it only made things worse. And now I have one reaction to all his presentations: long questions about what he means. And what? But as? What for? Did I understand correctly what you wanted to say? And if I always do this, will it be okay with you? What if it's not? And why?
So what, it doesn’t make him angry, I ask? Why should this make him angry, she was sincerely surprised. I want to understand him so that I can do it better! It’s not my fault that while I’m asking questions, the initiative is on my side?
As she said this, she smiled slyly.
4. MIND EXCHANGE. Voice other people's thoughts
One of the toughest and most effective techniques. By turning on the “exchange of minds”, you simply voice your interlocutor’s complaints against you, sincerely joining them. There are technical options:
a) Mirror. Thoughts are repeated after the interlocutor. “You never clean up after yourself! – Mom, you’re absolutely right! I never clean up after myself, sorry!”
b) Preventive. Thoughts are voiced before complaints. “Mom, I understand what you’re going to say now. And you're absolutely right. I really rarely clean up after myself. And this is completely unacceptable!”
c) Epistolary. “Mom, if you are reading this letter, then you already understand that I went to the club without cleaning my room. This is completely unacceptable, and although I simply didn’t have time, this does not excuse me at all...”
c) Reducing. “Yes, mom, you’re absolutely right!” After this, the “Robot” technique is turned on (see below).
5. WORKING MEETING. Give the word to an “adult”
The Inner Adult is our subpersonality, which is goal-oriented and coldly calculated. Unlike the internal Parent and Child, the Adult does not consider it advisable to show emotions in a conflict, but operates with results, resources, and algorithms.
- So, you came home again after ten! How many times have we talked about this! How many times have you promised! What about your studies? You've slipped into threes! What about your friends? This is a shame and disgrace!!
- So, dad... I understand that you are suggesting we talk. But let's not do this on the threshold, let's go into the hall, sit down and talk. Here... Now come on. Just not in bulk. What do you want to discuss? What time is it now? My studies? Or my friends? Let's choose one topic and discuss? But in such a way as to come to some result that suits both of us...
6. SCALES OF JUSTICE. Compare alternatives
The technique is simple. Instead of war, barricades and defending your rightness, you take your own point of view, the point of view of your partner and compare their pros and cons with demonstrative objectivity.
The question is not finding the best solution. The trick is that by doing this, you turn from an opponent into an expert. Another way to move elegantly out of the line of fire. Experts are not shot at. Usually.
7. SUSANIN. Take you to history
- How could you do this?
“It really didn’t work out well.” I remember one similar case, where everything ended even worse. One day an inspector comes to visit us...
- I’m not asking about the incident, but about you personally!!
“So I’m saying, everything could have ended very badly.” One of my clients told me that...
Don't stop, just don't stop!
8. BREAK. Break the script
The child is crying because they didn’t buy him a toy. Bitter tears and the sounds of a KAMAZ accelerating uphill. Persuasion, promises and the threat of flogging do not work. Only one thing works: “Whoa, the pussy ran. Aaah, what a pussy!”
Any of your opponents has a clear set of scenarios - what you can do and how he will respond to it. But if you fundamentally do NOT THIS, it is lost, since it has no continuation under “not this.” I won’t expand on this, because I can’t tell you better than Bandler and Grinder about breaking the mold anyway.
9. GRANDFATHER FREUD. Give an interpretation
The technique is a hard version of the “Loving Dad” technique. You not only sympathize with the aggressor, but also try to understand the reasons for his aggressive mood. Maybe he had a fight with his wife? Or is he having problems at work? Or has he been this gloomy since childhood? Maybe early problems with mom?
Whether you get punched in the face or not depends greatly on the sincerity of your sympathy and interest.
10. ROBOT. I only know these words
— I would like to change this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
- What, is there some kind of marriage?
- No. I would like to exchange this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
- Yes, but we can only do this on Friday, when the director will be here...
— I would like to change this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
- So, don’t interfere with work!! You see, other customers cannot approach the cash register...
“I don’t think that’s my problem.” I would like to exchange this jumper I bought from you yesterday. By law I have the right to do this within two weeks.
If you repeat the same thing, slightly changing the text with introductory phrases, it is impossible to bring you into conflict.
Conflict is a creative thing, and you are a robot. And robots usually get their way. Sooner or later.
...millions of years ago, an instructor once explained to us yellowmouths:
— A huge stone is rolling down the mountain. What you do depends on what style is native to you. If you are a master of taekwondo, you will break the stone into small rubble with a kick, if you are a master of wushu, you will beat it off with a cunning block. And if you are an aikido master, you will take a step to the side and let the stone pass you by.
Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And In contact with
- Do not share information about your personal life and do not talk about problems that are not related to solving work problems.
- Do they spread gossip and rumors around you, or do they just talk about someone behind their back? Show that you are not going to take part in such conversations. Just try to avoid unnecessary moralizing.
- Follow the dress code and do not wear too bright or provocative outfits, expensive wardrobe items, or accessories to work.
- Don’t strive to become “on the board.” This is always noticeable and only causes contempt.
- Be attentive, listen more and, in turn, do not make harsh statements about other colleagues.
- Do not disregard company rules and values. If it is customary for an organization to hold corporate parties and celebrate birthdays in the office, you should not ignore them.
5. Sloppy co-worker
Order promotes inner peace and productivity of most people - but not all. Why is it on my colleague’s desk? eternal mess? There may be several reasons for this.
- Some people are inspired by clutter and find that it stimulates their ideas and pushes them to develop.
- Someone simply does not notice the disorder - it does not affect them in any way, they simply “don’t see it”.
Before you lash out at a colleague for being sloppy, remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way, and what one person likes may not be another's. After all, it's his workplace, and only he can decide what it will be like.
If a colleague’s papers smoothly “crawl” onto your desk, a simple calm request not to violate boundaries will be enough.
6. Breaking friendships with a colleague
Friendships in the workplace have their pros and cons. One of the disadvantages is the feeling of awkwardness that arises when a close relationship collapses, and you have to see this person every day at work. To overcome it:
- Abstract from disagreements in the personal sphere and focus on how good your ex-comrade is in fulfilling his official duties.
- Focus on completing your job tasks.
- Try to maintain a normal professional relationship with the person you were once friends with.
7. Consequences of an office party
Joint holidays are one of the team building techniques. Research has shown that managers believe that joint holidays and outings, games and participation in social events strengthen relationships in the team, which leads to more efficient work, as if integrating personal and professional life into a single whole.
But there is also back side - undesirable consequences corporate events. Usually this is expressed in the stupid behavior of colleagues. But you yourself can get into awkward situation.
Try to bring such a colleague into an open conversation to find out the reasons for this behavior. As a rule, these are misunderstandings, omissions, hidden dissatisfaction, which a person, due to character or other circumstances, does not want to express openly.
If you yourself are experiencing hidden aggression in relation to a colleague, try to see in him the good side. There is no need to harbor anger or resentment.
9. Blurred behavioral boundaries
Regardless of what others do or say, everyone is ultimately responsible for themselves, so it's best to keep things moderately formal.
You shouldn't say and do whatever you want at work, and at the same time, you shouldn't let other people set moral and ethical boundaries for you. What is normal for one may be completely unacceptable for another.
An effective tool for combating familiarity at work is to give colleagues direct and immediate feedback, but without getting personal. That is, without humiliating or attacking, politely communicate what you want and what you don’t. The wording could be: “Can I ask you not to do this to me / not to say this in my presence?”
Have you ever encountered conflict situations in the workplace? How did you solve them? Tell us about your experience in the comments.