Instructions
The first thing to remember during a conflict is that it must be resolved somehow, sooner or later. Such understanding will give you the opportunity to look at the situation from the outside and see the full picture of what is happening. To do this, you need to remain calm, monitor your emotions, not get angry or do anything that could escalate the conflict. Instead of trying to show the fallacy of the position of the other side of the conflict, think about what you can do to resolve the current situation.
It is impossible to resolve a conflict if you do not listen to what he says opposite side. If you want the conflict situation to disappear, listen carefully to what they tell you, otherwise your answers will be completely unsubstantiated, and the dispute will continue and escalate. You may hear a lot of unpleasant words addressed to you. Remember that emotions and anger on the part of the opponent are an attempt to defend themselves; perhaps he is not fully aware of his speech at this moment. Your job is not to accept similar words too close and try to figure out what exactly his position is. After some time the person will calm down. Without encountering resistance from you, he will begin to speak at a calm pace, his position will become more and more clear.
Try to be as tactful as possible when expressing your arguments. Your words should not be perceived as an attempt to fight off your opponent. Present your arguments in such a way that people will pay attention to them, not to yours. emotional condition. You can also maintain your opponent’s concentration on the subject of the dispute by using a reasonable amount of doubt about your position. Allow for the possibility that someone else’s point of view is right, say that you both have something to discuss in order to resolve the current situation.
If you have a conflict with someone at work, never get personal with them. You should concentrate on the subject of the dispute, and not on fighting the person himself. A conflict situation is characterized by strong emotional intensity. Some people in such a situation find it easier to attack the other person than to try to communicate with him. Do not allow such developments to happen.
Ask the right questions. If you are in conflict with a work colleague or customer, do not ask him questions that require explanations from him. For example, don't start your questions with "why." Such questions can be perceived as interrogation. Let the person decide for themselves how they will convey their point of view to you. Ask questions that will sound like an invitation to conversation. For example, ask your opponent what his position is, what he thinks about your words, how he sees the conflict situation, etc.
Be prepared to compromise. Resolving a conflict does not always mean victory for one of the parties. Some concessions on your part can also lead to a win-win outcome.
Video on the topic
Conflict situations can arise in any team, because you have to communicate with different people, and point of view different situations may not match. Ability to resolve controversial issues- exactly this valuable quality, characterizing strong personality. In addition, constructive dialogue benefits everyone and leads to the development of the enterprise as a whole.
Instructions
If you were unable to prevent a conflict situation, know how to behave correctly. This will help to painlessly and quickly resolve all issues on which the point of view does not coincide with colleagues.
Calm down, throw away all emotions, soberly appreciate the situation. To avoid saying unnecessary things in the heat of the moment, leave your office or office for a few minutes, take a deep breath, look from the outside at the situation and how to resolve it.
Try to discuss all controversial issues in a calm manner and kindly. Give reasons for your reasons. Don’t raise your voice, state everything you offer in a clear sequence.
Professional conflicts are a necessary evil. We have to defend our point of view, point out to others their mistakes, and achieve our goal in conditions of lack of time or resources. Sometimes this is difficult and even painful, especially if not all parties to the conflict are willing to maintain a work ethic.
In a work environment, confrontation is part of production process, and most often local skirmishes take place quickly and quite correctly: both sides understand their role and are result-oriented. As a result, labor conflicts already contain the grain of a compromise that just needs to be found. But sometimes we have to deal with those who “play dirty” by using work situation methods of domestic scandal: personalization, veiled or direct insults and substitution of concepts. He does everything to turn a constructive conversation into a domestic quarrel. What are the reasons for this kind of conflict?
What does the aggressor stand for?
“A person who voluntarily enters into conflict communication, as a rule, has already experienced a feeling of humiliation,” says psychologist Anatoly Dobin. Unfortunately, almost everyone has experienced this feeling, but for some people the experience of humiliation is devastating. For example, if it was received in childhood, from people significant to the child.
“Such people,” continues Anatoly Dobin, “are characterized by suspicion and a desire to constantly control their environment. Their goal is to prevent the humiliation of their personality from happening again.” Unfortunately, this manifests itself as touchiness and a tendency to see an attack where there is none. When such a person is approached with work offers, he may take them as an attempt to belittle him as a person and professional.
There is a conflict, not of interests, but of ideas about the situation. While one of the participants in the industrial conflict believes that we're talking about about working issues that need to be discussed and move on, the other believes that his honor and dignity are in danger, and therefore it is necessary to immediately defend them. By humiliating someone else's dignity.
The goal of the aggressor is to offend, to find a sensitive chord of the interlocutor
They're on the move gender stereotypes(“women don’t understand anything”), insults based on age (“it’s too young to tell me”), hints of incompetence (“recruited from an advertisement”) or someone’s patronage (“daddy put it in”). It can be direct and rude or veiled, but it is no less offensive. There are no forbidden topics for the aggressor, and sooner or later he achieves his goal: having touched a sensitive chord, he finally drags his interlocutor from a work situation into a domestic conflict.
It’s worth responding to an insult with an insult at least once, or even just showing that the words hurt you, and the aggressor can celebrate victory: working theme forgotten, the result was not achieved, but nerves were frayed and human dignity was humiliated.
There's only one way to get out similar situation with honor: do not enter it. However, this is not about avoiding confrontation. The way to resolve a professional conflict is to consistently strive to keep the situation within the framework of working negotiations. Let the other person try to offend you or hurt you, you must achieve a result, and that’s all that matters. First of all, for this you need to control yourself.
How to Avoid Conflict
“If you've lost control, you've lost everything,” says psychologist Robert Bakel of the University of Toronto. - Manipulative behavior is intended to make you emotional reaction, force you to behave aggressively or, on the contrary, to defend yourself. If we lose control, we do exactly what the manipulators want us to do. And we lose because we are entering a game that is impossible to win. Self-control is mandatory, and this is precisely behavior control. You may become angry or upset if that is your choice, but you need to watch your behavior.”
Dr. Bakel offers several simple rules, following which a polite, well-mannered, socialized person can emerge victorious from labor conflict with an aggressive manipulator.
Don't rush to answer. Before you get into a conflict at work, think about how you can deal with the situation while experiencing and causing minimal unpleasant emotions. Only then act.
Yes, this means that you should take care not only of your feelings, but also of the feelings of your interlocutor. Remember that he is human, even if he behaves inappropriately. That it might hurt him too. Moreover, he is in pain right now, and even if it is not your fault, it is in your power not to aggravate his suffering.
Pay attention to the speed and volume of your speech. An excited person tends to speak faster and louder, causing the other person to also raise their voice. How faster speech, the less thought there is in it and the higher the likelihood that something irreparable will be said. Do not hurry. Weigh your words.
If possible, take a time out. This doesn't mean you need to avoid conflict, but rather put it aside. If you see that your opponent is seething with negative emotions, invite him to reschedule the conversation. “I’m not ready to talk to you about this now. Let's make an appointment for tomorrow." This gives you time to prepare and gives your opponent time to cool down. In addition, since the conflict occurs in a team and in front of colleagues, it is possible that one of them uses their influence to calm the aggressor.
Don't take risks. Sometimes we think that with one well-aimed blow - perhaps a good joke or a particularly damning argument - we can put an end to a confrontation. But what works so well in sitcoms rarely works in real life. Be correct and don't try to finish everything in one fell swoop.
Focus on results. We get what we focus on. If someone behaves aggressively and provokes you into conflict, you can concentrate on the insults, and then there will only be more of them. Or you can move the conversation into a constructive direction, leaving provocations and insults behind the scenes. And this brings us to the main recommendation.
Words that will help in confrontation
- "Yes". Even arguments against must begin with the word “yes” - it is human nature to calm down when people agree with him.
- "We". Not “us against you”, but “we are with you”. Try to include yourself and the other party to the conflict in one social group: people more easily side with representatives of “their tribe.”
- “I understand that you are upset” - in response to all attempts to insult you. This way you simultaneously reject the offense and grant forgiveness for it.
- “It’s really not easy” and other phrases that will show: you realize that your opponent’s life is not easy, but the situation requires additional effort.
- “I heard you” is almost a forbidden technique. Use only if negative argumentation has gone in a circle, and this is the third circle.
- “Let’s both take a time out and meet in an hour (at three, tomorrow at ten)” - if you understand that the interlocutor, under the onslaught of emotions, has lost touch with reality.
Don't take the bait.“Bait” are words that have no other purpose than to make you lose your composure, control of yourself and the flow of the conversation. When you lose your temper, you hand over the reins of power to a person who is not inclined to look after your interests. All curses, all insults, all sexist, racist remarks are “baits” designed to distract us from the essence of the work conflict. The answer to them is simple: “I understand that you are upset, but the work must be done.”
Don't give in. Don't return blow to blow. Don't pretend that you even noticed the blow. All you need to do is stick to your line.
Yes. This is hard. The person who is now trying to hurt you may be cruel. But only you can decide whether his attempts will be successful. Only you can decide whether it will really hurt you. By the way, the pain will subside as soon as you achieve your goal: for example, promises to complete the work by Wednesday, provide technical support or provide financing. The result is an amazing healer for a wounded soul, and only it, by and large, matters. Of course, if we are talking about work, and not about love.
We spend 40 or more hours a week communicating with completely different people and various issues. Conflicts are inevitable due to different characters, interests, points of view, and individual stress resistance of a person. And if with our colleagues we are in comparative equal conditions, That conflict with superiors You already compete in different weight categories.
There can be many reasons for the conflict itself, and all of them cannot be taken into account in one article. Therefore, I will immediately go directly to the question itself.
Conflict with superiors. Possible consequences and what to do.
Main negative results if it occurs conflict with superiors, this is a possible dismissal, or the creation of working conditions under which you yourself will not be able to continue working and will leave. Fortunately, all the possibilities are in his hands, and they do not always have nobility, and are also objectively honest with their subordinates.
However, it is important to remember some important points. A dispute is also a dialogue, and it must also be conducted competently.
In my experience, most conflicts are not worth a damn, and they can be quickly extinguished or avoided altogether. You can’t even imagine what kind of imbeciles I had to work with. Proteges, sons-in-law or sons general directors and so on, holding their position completely undeservedly, and striving to gain authority in empty space. Believe me, you will not educate and bring them all to reason.
Tip 1. Zero emotions.
If a conflict begins with your superiors, do not break down - but it is better to remain silent at first. Emotions are a bad advisor. Hot heads will immediately object to me - what now, be patient and silently endure everything? The answer is yes! It is to remain silent at the moment of the dispute or conflict itself.
The reason for this advice: perhaps you yourself are wrong, and you need to analyze everything in a calm atmosphere. And when they yell at you, you are unlikely to be able to soberly evaluate it. I really want to answer, but more sharply. 
Tip 2: Look at the situation through his eyes. Absolutely everyone misses this moment. Everyone has their own truth and their own point of view. And the bosses are under pressure from other people, customers, clients, and there is a high probability that his dissatisfaction with you is objective.
Tip 3. Separate flies from cutlets. If you get into a dispute, then operate only with facts. None subjective opinions. Operating with your emotions, you will not prove that you are right, even if you shout louder than him.
Tip 4. Don't get personal. Any conflict has its roots. Follow them. You should not insult a person, regardless of whether you like him or not. A job is a job, but a person’s personality does not apply to you.
Tip 5. If conflicts are not settled and drag on , think in a calm atmosphere (perhaps it’s better to take administrative leave for a few days) - do you need this job at all? Are you satisfied with everything about it and would you like to continue working there, if not this conflict and this boss? The light hasn’t come together for this vacancy and finding a job is not so easy. a big problem. Anyone who claims otherwise is simply looking poorly. Another question is whether you are satisfied with the conditions in the new places. And wasting your nerves on tyrants - I don’t think your salary is worth it.
Signs that the boss is right after all.
Strange as it may seem, management can also be adequate in its own way, right. Often we don’t notice this, only because we have different tasks and a different point of view. So, the signs:
The intensity of office passions leads to conflicts between employees, and this is not at all good if you manage to quarrel with your boss. How to behave during and after a quarrel with management,
JOB.ru will tell you.Arrange negotiations
Negotiations are one of the most rational ways to deal with conflict. If you encounter rude criticism and do not understand or disagree with its content, you can calmly ask your boss what specifically does not suit him about your work or behavior.
Psychologists say that such tactics of behavior during conflicts calm the opponent: the attacker expects to receive a rebuff, but in response he hears clarifying questions and realizes that the opponent is making an attempt to understand him, trying to hear the essence of the criticism coming from him. In this case, the quarrel will be productive, because the subordinate will be able to identify his shortcomings and begin to work on them.
In the tactics of conflict negotiations, the arsenal will also come in handy with arguments in your own defense and, possibly, arguments against the boss himself, for example, when they try to blame a failed deal on you, which occurred due to the manager’s mistake.
The only problem is that you need to have strong self-control, because most often the self-defense instinct is triggered. In any case, this method is suitable for strong people who tend to make informed decisions during stress. You can also learn how to behave correctly in a conflict situation at psychological trainings.
Negotiations can also begin after a conflict has occurred, when both sides have cooled down and are ready to discuss pressing problems.
Admit defeat
Some employees really run into conflict, so if Lately If you received repeated comments, reports were disrupted, you were late for work and generally interfered with the successful flow of work - be prepared for a honestly deserved reprimand. To avoid getting even more irritated by your boss, it is better to agree with all the comments, adding phrases that everything will be corrected.
In the event that, despite all efforts, it is not possible to cope with one’s responsibilities, during unpleasant conversation With your boss, admit that you are facing difficulties and need help. An understanding boss will lower his tone, give advice, and assign a mentor to you. At the same time, you need to clearly understand the character of your opponent and your importance for the company - some will not bother with you and will simply fire you.
According to this tactic, it would be appropriate to be the first to apologize some time after a loud quarrel. This is a fairly reasonable step: firstly, if you are wrong, you need to be able to admit it, and secondly, because of your position, it is more difficult for the boss to admit mistakes and make peace.
Stay cool
The best technique is to remain calm and cool-headed. When following this tactic, don't raise your tone and don't let your boss do it. If shouts and unpleasant language rain down in your direction, besiege your opponent with a phrase like: “I will not continue the conversation in this tone,” “If you want to discuss this, then please take a lower tone.” You won’t be able to calm down overly expressive individuals like this, but all that remains is to either listen further or leave your opponent alone with his thoughts.
In most cases, people pull themselves together when it is pointed out to them that they have crossed the line.
Use facts that will work in your defense and deal with real information instead of getting personal.
Also appropriate is the technique of distraction, which is triggered by a sudden departure from the topic. For example, “accidentally” drop a folder with documents, so much so that all the papers and pens fly into the air. different sides: Yelling at a person picking up office supplies from the floor is awkward. This is explained by the fact that when an employee is distracted from an angry monologue, the boss loses the attention of the “public” and gets lost.
When it comes to behavior after a conflict, a cool tactic involves pretending that nothing happened. During inevitable contacts, behave within the framework of business etiquette, refrain from slippery hints and angry glances. This way, the situation will remain suspended and will settle down only with time, but it will not get worse.
Flee from the battlefield
Tactics suggest avoiding conflict. If it is morally difficult for you to listen to your boss, tears begin to come to your eyes, the accumulated aggression is about to come out, or you simply do not know how to behave, leave the battlefield. Phrases like “We’ll return to the conversation when you are ready to communicate calmly” are suitable for this.
It is better not to adhere to escape tactics after a quarrel: avoiding meetings with your boss will make you look stupid, and childish behavior does not contribute to strengthening your authority among colleagues.
To push back
An aggressive response is a dubious way of behavior during a conflict with management due to the fact that the consequences of retaliatory rudeness cannot be predicted. One boss will kick you out for this, another, on the contrary, will respect the employee who managed to stand up for himself. In the first case, even if you stay at work, it will be very difficult to establish relationships. The stakes are too high, so it is better to control yourself.
However, this does not mean that you are obliged to seek a compromise or swallow everything in silence when the accusations are unfounded or presented in too harsh a form. In this case, it is not prohibited to rebuff the tyrant, but within reason. All you need is a confident tone, evidence that you are right, and a few block phrases, for example, “I know I’m wrong, but I won’t allow you to talk to me like that” or “If you double-check the report, you will see that there is no mistake on my part.”
The conflict has matured, and now there is nowhere to go - we will have to make a response move. What it will be like depends on the reasons why this situation arose, on the temperaments of the boss and subordinate, as well as on what and how has already been said to you. You can stick to one tactic during and after a conflict, but sometimes it is better to use techniques from several styles of behavior. For example, if you find it difficult to listen to harsh criticism, first move away from the conflict and then begin negotiations. And if you couldn’t restrain yourself and gave an aggressive rebuff, then apologize to your boss after the quarrel.
All adults most spend their time at work, then their father-in-law in the team. Often our workplace becomes home, and you often have to communicate with employees and colleagues much more often than even with the closest family members. It is clear that in view of such constant and long-term personal interaction, the possibility of the emergence of a wide variety of conflict situations that can really turn life into a real nightmare is not excluded. And the work you love, to which you devoted yourself completely, may no longer bring that joy at all; a quarrel can even overshadow the joy from serious successes and achievements. There are enough conflicts at work common occurrence, therefore, it is worth figuring out how to behave in order to prevent this from happening, and if the problem could not be avoided, how to get out of it with honor, and retain good friendly relations with employees.
Path of least resistance: relationships with work colleagues happen different
Conflict situations in the workplace, as the saying goes official statistics, arise quite often, and it happens that it is hardly possible to stop the cause of the conflict, and also, as is understandable, its consequences immediately. All people in the world are different and it is not at all surprising that the reaction to communication with some is fundamentally different from the reaction to others. Good and friendly relations with colleagues are a delicate and unreliable path that you need to learn in order to make your life and work as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.
Need to know
World famous psychologists are still inclined to think that the ability to get along well with people is a special gift that you can develop yourself, and your life may well depend on it. further career, and, therefore, fate too.
However, many people think that relationships at work with colleagues should be built in such a way as to avoid any tense topics, and skillfully maneuver between the icebergs of human misunderstanding, or even worse, but such an opinion is wrong. The thing is that sometimes sorting out relationships, and maybe even work issues, simply requires conflict, and avoiding it is not at all a way out. predicament. It is extremely important to be able to distinguish a situation when it is worth walking away from a quarrel, and when it is possible and even necessary to enter into a confrontation with colleagues and co-workers.
This is precisely where the whole solution to the problem lies, and it is worth understanding that your attitude towards a person should be clearly differentiated and determined whether it is destructive or constructive. If you are angry about inappropriate hair color, nationality, age, nose length or foot size, then you should realize that your complaints have no basis in reality.
At work, you are not obliged to communicate with anyone, for any reason, except for work issues, so this is just the first thing you should understand for yourself. You definitely don’t owe anyone anything, but your colleagues have exactly the same rights so that you don’t dictate to them own opinion, worldview, and in general, they also don’t have to smile at you. Conflict at work between women can have particularly harmful consequences. , after all, no one expects anything from them serious problems, and reconciling angry representatives of the fair sex is much more difficult than men.
First things first: how to avoid conflict at work with colleagues
Doctors can confirm that it is much easier to take preventive measures and prevent a disease than to treat it later, and the psychology of relationships in a team is also a branch of medicine. Therefore, the optimal solution for any person would be such a model of behavior at work, when conflicts can be avoided as much as possible. Moreover, there is nothing overly complicated about this at all, so let’s figure out how to avoid conflicts at work and make your life much easier and more enjoyable.
- It’s worth making sure that you really enjoy your work and that it brings you joy and satisfaction. Often, quarrels and swearing arise precisely where people are simply busy with something other than their own business; they may not be satisfied with the absence career growth, unsatisfactory wage, and so on. Therefore, even at the employment stage, you need to find out all the details, and in addition, it won’t hurt to get to know your future colleagues.
- You should never think that the only correct point of view is your own. Even if you are definitely a highly professional specialist and know exactly what’s what, be prepared to listen to various points of view, perhaps they will find a rational grain worthy of undoubted attention. This is especially true when your colleagues’ opinions are radically different from yours. If there is a conflict at work with a colleague professional issues, then it can be perceived as a working dispute and a search for optimal solutions, nothing more.
- It is imperative that you thoroughly understand the scope of your responsibilities that are dictated to you job description. True, it is not at all impossible that you will have to help someone with something, or carry out the boss’s personal directives, but you should never be allowed to sit on your own head.
- When demanding something from people, do not forget that you yourself must meet your own high criteria. That is, under no circumstances should problems with a colleague at work be resolved by rudeness, rudeness, nagging, and so on.
- There is one more rule, which we voiced last here, but it is very important, so you cannot lose sight of it. Idle gossip, slander and talking behind your back are exactly what you should never take part in. Immediately put in your place everyone who is trying to unsettle you by telling lies about your colleagues, and then this problem will go away by itself, or rather, simply will not arise.
What to do, if there is a conflict with a colleague at work: conspiracy or paranoia
It is clear that it also happens that conflict and tense situations simply cannot be avoided, and sometimes we simply look for help even when the quarrel has matured and is about to crack or grow to the scale of a thermonuclear attack. To understand how to get out of a conflict at work in such a situation, you should think ten times, because it’s very easy to ruin everything, and whether something will be restored later is not at all known. Often the conflict ends in simple alienation and reduction of communication to the solution of purely business issues, and this is the most optimal way out. But in the most serious situations, they may begin to rudely and even set you up, and then you will definitely have to do something to get out of the problem with honor.
- Never and under no circumstances can problems with colleagues at work be resolved by swearing, shouting and rudeness in response to such behavior. You should not get involved in a quarrel, yell or wave your arms. A cold and distant response will be enough, and you will not lose face, and your offender will most likely be confused, because all his behavior is aimed at causing an emotional outburst in you.
- If it was not possible to avoid an open quarrel in public, then “sucking up” the details after the fact with colleagues is strictly not recommended. There is no need for this lengthy washing of the seeds, since it will not benefit anyone at all.
- There is no need to be afraid to talk about the current situation with direct management. However, this is a way out of the most difficult conflicts, when you are openly set up, bullied, and so on.
Worth remembering
For those who work in large companies, you need to know that specifically for resolving conflicts in a team, there is special service, which is called compliance. Just find out if you have something similar at work and feel free to apply there.
Lessons from professionals: how to survive in a team and remain yourself
However, it also happens that conflict situations may occur not only with colleagues. It is much more difficult to understand how to resolve a conflict at work if your opponent is also a boss or direct manager. The situation is aggravated by the fact that your personal career may depend on this person, professional growth and so on. First of all, you should understand that you cannot shout back, throw accusations in your face, or swear.
Silently listen to the tirade to the end, and then quietly leave, closing the door behind you. Left alone, it’s worth thinking about whether the manager’s accusations are groundless? Maybe you really should reconsider your own attitude towards work? Before figuring out how to resolve a conflict at work with your superiors, you need to think ten times about who is right and who is wrong. Signs constructive conflict it will not be difficult to distinguish, but what goes beyond the scope is already nit-picking.
- Only yours can be discussed professional activity, but not appearance, moral character, Family status, nationality and so on.
- If you have repeatedly received comments on the same issue, then there is a rational grain in this, right?
- Other colleagues often express dissatisfaction with your work, skills, and actions.
- The boss prefers to scold and reprimand for misconduct in a closed office, and not in front of all his colleagues.
- The manager openly points out that your actions or decisions and actions negatively affect the activities of the entire company or enterprise.
How to resolve conflict at work with direct guidance
If, upon closer examination and analysis of the situation with your superiors, you realized that, by and large, you still have at least some of the blame, then you should think about correcting it as soon as possible own mistakes. However, it happens that the director simply did not like you, and he begins to find fault. Then it will be very difficult to get out alive and healthy, figuratively speaking, of course, and get by with little blood. How can you understand that you are being “persecuted” intentionally and undeservedly?
- Constant destructive criticism not only your activities in professionally, but also personal qualities, appearance, nationality, age, gender and so on.
- You regularly hear reproaches and reproaches, and on the most insignificant, and generally not related to work issues.
- If the manager raises his voice, he is not at all embarrassed by the presence of other colleagues.
- When you ask to point out errors, but never receive specific wording.
It can be unbearably difficult to get out of such a situation with honor, and it may well happen that you simply have to go in search of new job. This option cannot be discounted, but you shouldn’t endure endless nagging and undeserved accusations for the sake of a decent salary, otherwise life could turn into real hell, and this is not an option at all.
Never yell back, your aggression will cause a response explosion of emotions, even more powerful and destructive. Finally, I would like to repeat the words of one famous cartoon character, who believed that the most important thing is calmness, and only calmness! Never lose face, this is important, both for your relationship at work, and for your own psychological, and mental health along with it.