When you are humiliated how to respond. How to Learn Sarcasm Using Sassy Funny Words

This is one of the first desires that arises after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

• witty;
• happens among family or friends;
• defuses the situation rather than aggravates the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, answering an insult with an insult is not best way out. This way you stoop to the level of your boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a humorous response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if there is one) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and disguise the sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says you prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: “Perhaps you are right. Next time I won’t ask my five-year-old son for help.”

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. There will be something to think about over lunch.”

3. Accept

In some cases, it is really worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It would be a good idea to think about people's motives and find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your less than angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words.

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret obvious: designate it.

For example, in response to rude words say, “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.”

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other, find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Stay calm

If the insult does not come from loved one, and from a colleague, acquaintance or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies uncertainty, dissatisfaction own life and the desire to simply take it out on you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to pursue your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in the person, without paying attention to his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is no answer. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to. Well, “offline” you can always ignore the insult or leave. You have every right to do this.

Example from ancient roman history… One day, in a public bath, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: “I don’t remember the blow.”

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: “You are so insignificant that I not only do not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself.”

7. Use the law

You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of administrative offenses, but libel is already within the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from your boss, you can contact the HR department.

The main thing is to remember: no one has the right to infringe on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must answer people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

Everyone experiences rudeness from time to time. This can happen on the street, in the office. Often we hear insults in public transport and communicating online. In order not to become a victim of a boor, and not to be fooled by his provocation, you need to properly fight back and give decent answers. This article is dedicated to exactly this. After reviewing the information offered in it, you will learn how to respond to an insult.

There is no need to respond to offensive phrases with silence and fists. It is better to remain calm and give a polite “compliment” in return.

Life situations are different. And if you don’t learn how to respond to them correctly, you can waste your nerves. And, what’s worse, you can also become the culprit of a provocative conflict. Therefore, below we suggest that you familiarize yourself with how to behave if you are insulted. And also how to competently respond to the offender.

Insulting a person can lead to a dead end. In such situations, it is difficult to know how to react. To save your nerves, it is useful to know the following recommendations:

Controlling emotions and learning to fight back

Initially, try to surround yourself positive people. Communicate with sincere and cheerful people. This way you can definitely avoid insults. However, if such a situation arises, know how to competently defend yourself and respond with dignity. The advice of a psychologist will come to the rescue.

It is worth thinking about your self-esteem. By increasing its level, it will be possible to easily and quickly respond to the insult of a boor. In addition, a person with strong spirit and with self-confidence they are rude much less often.

Options for responding to provocation

If you had to communicate with negative person, you shouldn’t show him your feelings. Express your point of view with confidence and firmness. Speak relaxed. Often, provocative and touchy phrases are said weak people. Their “strength” is your weakness. Stay calm and don't get defensive.

In situations where, when talking with the offender, you feel that patience is coming to an end, sneeze. No matter how strange it may sound, this method works. It is considered relevant when insults from the mouth of a boor “flow” in an endless stream. After waiting for the right moment, sneeze loudly. This will create a long pause. You can take advantage of it by turning the situation in your direction. So, for example, after a sneeze, offer the offender the following response: “Sorry, I’m allergic to nonsense.”.

This method will help in situations where an altercation occurs in the company of people you know or employees. It consists of redirecting negativity and aggression towards the rude person himself. It is enough for you to agree with the offender and praise him for wasting his precious time criticizing you. Learn to respond competently in such situations. Form your phrases correctly to hide your snarkiness.

This method of beautifully responding to rudeness is used by netizens. Mainly administrators and moderators of virtual communities. Some people ignore the rules written by the management of sites and forums. This usually happens when any disputes arise during the participant’s stay in the community. For example, if he is denied access for a violation, the person may respond with rudeness. The simplest argument is to “ban” a character. If you need to point out his mistakes, proving that you are right, describe them dryly and without emotion. Reading such a text (list), a person will cool down.

Ignore the other person. This method of dealing with rudeness and insults is the most common.

It allows you to give a response worthy of the offender. Using this technique, you can respond beautifully and safely get rid of the rude person. Although silence is not always effective. You need to look at the situation. It may be necessary to “turn on” complete indifference in response to the interlocutor’s attempts to gain attention and piss you off. Treat it like empty space.

How to avoid conflicts when communicating online?

Regarding online communication, in general, you can adhere to the previously given response options. But there are specifics on how to respond to online insults.

Original options that allow you to repel the enemy

Non-standard situations often arise when only witty responses to insults can throw the offender into a stupor. For such cases, here is a list of possible answers:

• “I don’t know what you eat, but it works. Your intelligence is slowly but surely going to zero."
• “To impress me, you will finally have to say something smart.”
• “Your teeth reminded me of the stars: they are just as yellow and are so far from each other...”
• "Just because you look terrible doesn't give you the right to act like one."
• “Are you really like this or is this your image?”
• “Were you the same as a child or prettier?”
• "You're so clever! Are you, by any chance, cramped by your skull?

These and other witty answers will help you beautifully and tactfully remove the enemy from the “battlefield.”

And if the altercation took place in front of your colleagues, your reputation is guaranteed not to suffer. Unlike the person who hurled an insult at your expense.

No one can give an exact answer on how to competently respond to an insult. Life situations are different. Therefore, first analyze what happened in order to give the offender a worthy rebuff.

The article will teach you to respond to insults not with rudeness, but cultural words and phrases without swearing.

How can you beautifully humiliate a man or guy with clever words without swearing: phrases, expressions

There are a lot of life situations when a person can be offended, set up, humiliated and “laughed at.” You shouldn’t remain silent and accept such antics as something common. If you do not explain to your offender how wrong he is, he will be able to spoil the mood of the people around him for a long time and take advantage of their goodness.

In order not to use your fists and at the same time show yourself on the good side, you should, so to speak, “kill with words.” Education is not given to everyone, because getting it takes time and effort. The article gives you tips to help you learn how to respond to offensive phrases in a sensitive but in firm words, making it clear that you are above any rudeness and obscene language.

What can you say to a man and what is important to remember:

The worst thing a man can do is to humiliate and raise his hand against a woman, and therefore he should be hit “where it hurts”, convicting him of weakness, but not physical. For example, the word “impotent” can affect anyone. Try to beat it with other “colors”:

• “You are morally impotent!”
• “Only an impotent man can offend a woman!”
• “You are impotent not in your pants, but in your soul! (Or maybe both here and there!)"

Another thing that can affect any man is his status and wealth. Glory given to a man with low income or lack of work gains particular power. From time immemorial, it was believed that a man is a breadwinner and therefore the inability to have wealth is a humiliation for a modern man.

IMPORTANT: You need to humiliate a man with such phrases if he is really at least a little worried about the issue of family wealth. If he for a long time is deliberately supported by his parents or wife and this does not bother him - you are unlikely to be able to “hook” him.

• “You are a disgrace to your parents and their ruin!”
• “You are not able to provide yourself with even toilet paper!”
• “Behind your insolence you hide your own inadequacy!”

If you want to point out to a man his stupidity and recklessness, even if he has higher education and manners, but he regularly does stupid things, you should use phrases like:

• “You have failed neither as a person nor as a man!”
• “Unlike mine, your dignity has sunk to the bottom!”
• “You are an immoral, weak and wretched person!”
• “All your words are helpless attempts to prove something!”
• “I feel sorry for looking at you!”
• “Don’t humiliate yourself and don’t try to say something smart!”
• “I would offend you, but nature has already done it for me!”

How can you beautifully humiliate a woman, girl, or husband’s mistress with clever words without swearing?

In some life situations women themselves are “asking for” insults and humiliation. In order not to cross the line allowed by cultural society and not show yourself as an ill-mannered person, it is important to know a number of phrases that can “put in place” any ill-mannered girl.

What to emphasize:

The first thing that can hook a woman is criticism of her appearance. It is important to choose words that will not directly shout “You’re ugly!”, but will just delicately hint about it. Your words should make a woman think and make her look at herself from a different perspective.

• “When God created women, he decided to save money on you!”
• “I would offend you, but I’ll just advise you to look in the mirror!”
• “Your words are the helpless barking of a dirty mongrel!”
• Surprisingly, she’s not rich in intelligence and has no face!”
• “It’s a pity to spit in such a face!”

Another aspect of women's dignity is their popularity with men. Here it is important to focus on the problem itself (either there are very few men, since the lady is not attracted to them, or there are too many and it is comparable to a woman of “easy virtue”).

• “There’s nowhere to put a sample on you!”
• “You’ve already given all your dignity to other people’s men!”
• “You are the shame of your father and your mother’s tears!”
• “You are a quality man’s mat!”
• “Your whole life is serving the master for sugar!”
• “No normal man will even look in your direction!”
• “All your attractiveness ended 10 men ago!”
• “To get involved with you is to disgrace yourself!”

If you want to hurt a woman as a person, you should point out the shortcomings of her mind, showing her to be a fool in your eyes and in the eyes of others:

• “If you were smart, then you would have a decent man!”
• "From smart women men don’t leave!”
• “Here, I look at you and at first glance it seems that you are a fool! And then you look and it’s true - you’re a fool!”

How to insult a woman with words without swearing?

How to insult, offend a man, a guy without swearing, with clever words?

Some phrases that do not contain swearing or rudeness should not be very long. The fact is that a person who offends you obscenely is unlikely to be able to understand literate and cultured words, as well as their meaning and the delicacy with which you pronounce them. Answer in short, but as comprehensible phrases as possible. Deliver your speech confidently, firmly, and be sure to make eye contact so that what you say is heard.

IMPORTANT: You have the power to insult a man or guy for the wrongs caused with just one phrase that conveys all your pain and strength. Do not react to any cry and let everything said in your honor pass through you, because it is your word that will be the last and decisive.

Offensive, but “cultural” insults for a man:

• “Only a wretched mongrel will get along with someone like you!”
• “You will never succeed because you have little strength and masculinity!”
• “You are not able to satisfy a woman either mentally or in bed!”
• “You are a disgrace to anyone, even the most fallen woman!”
• “You are not a man, but a temporary trinket!”
• “Even the stupidest woman in the world cannot be happy with you!”
• “You haven’t come into existence yet in your mother’s womb!”
• “At your age of 40, you cannot become a man!”
• “You are so weak and you are such a loser that listening to your words doesn’t even hurt me!”

Offensive phrases no swearing for a man

How can you insult and offend a woman or a girl with clever words without swearing?

Try not to offend a woman with obscene words and still be able to convey to her important information will help clever phrases without swearing. Try to contain all your emotions and instill in every word not only your anger, but also the confidence that you are strong and the truth is on your side.

What phrases to say to a woman or girl:

• “Instead of barking like a yard dog, better go think about your words and the stupidity with which you pronounce them!”
• “Go wash yourself and wash away this idiocy!”
• “I used to think that you were smart, but now I see that you have always been a fool!”
• “Apparently, you were the last in line for intelligence!”
• “Every time you open your mouth, another portion of slop comes out!”
• “You act like you grew up in a brothel!”
• “Yes, you have a brain, but there’s not an ounce of intelligence in it!”

How to humiliate and respond to a person’s offense with words without swearing?

How to besiege, put a man, a guy, a subordinate in his place with clever words?

Very often people at work are completely absent professional ethics and a subordinate can “allow himself too much” during a conversation with his superiors. The administration, in turn, are highly educated and well-mannered people, which allowed them to occupy such a rank.

A person with a higher rank must be able to “verbally punish” his subordinate for an offense and force him to respect himself with cultural words alone. They need to be spoken confidently and strictly, avoiding emotional gestures and explosive phrases.

What you can emphasize in a conversation with a subordinate:

• For lack of education
• Ask to see a document on higher or professional education.
• Threaten with loss of job due to incompetence
• Say that a person risks losing respect in the eyes of his superiors and colleagues.
• Threaten with a fine or loss of bonus

How to “put a subordinate in his place”:

• “You make me regret that I once decided to hire you.”
• “In my eyes, you instantly lost your qualifications!”
• “I believe that our company is overpaying you, because your education is not worthy of such a salary.”
• “I think you just spent your bonus!”
• “I will not allow ignorance to flourish in my conscientious team!”
• “You are a disgrace to our company!”
• “With your achievements, our company will never succeed!”
• “You are dragging our team and our company down!”

How to “put in place” a subordinate with words without swearing?

How to shut a person's mouth with clever words?

IMPORTANT: The concept of “shut your mouth with clever words” assumes that you will find phrases that, after an offense, will be able to reason with a person and warn him against new error. « Clever words“- words devoid of obscenities and rudeness, but imbued with reasonable meaning. They push a person to conclusions and leave a mark on the soul stronger than any obscene word.

Phrases to “shut a person’s mouth”:

• “Ever since you opened your mouth, the stench hasn’t stopped coming out of it, like a cesspool!”
• “It would be better if you didn’t open your mouth, because all your words only showed how low you are!”
• “You opened your mouth and immediately realized that this was a stupid person in front of me!”
• "Your words did not show you with the best side!»
• “Ever since you opened your mouth, my opinion of you has changed for the worse!”
• “Your words have brought you lower than ever in my eyes!”
• “You are incredibly stupid if you think that everything you said is smart speech!»

How to do and what to say to a person so that he can shut up: phrases without swearing

How to turn off, send a guy, a man away with clever words?

There are situations when a woman should rebuff a man so that he no longer pesters and has no plans for her. A weak and stupid woman will swear with obscene language, while a smart woman will allow you to put a person in his place with just one word and a look. A woman's strength is in her behavior and words.

What to say to a man:

• “You are not even worthy of my glance!”
• “I will not tolerate such humiliation in order to give you my attention!”
• “You’re so low that I didn’t even notice you at first!”
• “In my eyes you are nothing!”
• “To me you’re not even a man!”
• “I don’t want to deal with such a low entity like you!”
• “Looking at you, I only feel pity!”
• “I can’t stand boors, they are my competitors!”
• “May I send you intellectually?”
• “You think I can actually spend time with you? Well, probably thinking is not about you!”

Wise words to say goodbye to the guy who betrayed

Very often, men do not behave conscientiously and betray women who are in love with them. In situations where women find out about this, many decide to break up. To make a man understand how low and wrong he was, you should select worthy and true words, which will serve as both humiliation and farewell.

What can you say to a man:

• “Get back under that skirt you just crawled out of!”
• “I don’t want to share a bed, a table, a life, or even the air on the same planet with you anymore!”
• “I hate even just listening to your excuses! Such a man simply does not deserve me!”
• “You have become so low that you began to seek happiness from a strange woman between the legs!”
• “I was so stupid that I believed in your sincerity and now I’m sick of all the years we’ve lived together!”
• “I hope that you will be happy and that someone else can give you at least part of the care that I blindly gave to you!”
• “You will regret in time that you offended me, but then I will even forget your name.”
• “How low you have fallen and the funny thing is that you don’t see it, but everyone else has already noticed!”

How can you call a person smart words?

Choose more loyal curse words to insult your offender without using obscene language. This will show you only from the best side, as reasonable and educated person, not spoiled and knowing dignity.

What words can you choose:

• Trinket – an unnecessary thing, empty and soulless, having no purpose, on which time is wasted, something without mind and reason.
• Cheap utensils - someone of low dignity, someone who is not needed and has no great value in the world.
• Soulless man - a person devoid of any values ​​and inner peace.
• Shame (disgrace) – a person devoid of dignity, a person who brings shame and problems to those close to him.
• Shameless - a person deprived of respect and understanding of the people around him, a person without spiritual values.
• Carrion – a person who has fallen in the eyes of others, a person who is comfortable existing in the dirt of words, actions and betrayal.
• Cattle – a person who does not behave rationally, a person who is compared to an animal.
• Stupid creature a person who does not know how to do smart things.
• Animal – a person who does not know how to act well and is devoid of his essence.
• Insect – personality devoid of humanity
• Mongrel – a person devoid of nobility and education

How to call a person without using obscenities?

How to say in smart words that a person is stupid?

Use these phrases:

• “Your mind is like a cat crying!”
• “The brain is no bigger than a chicken!”
• “The head is big, but there is no brain!”
• “Your brain has no convolutions!”
• “You only have one curve and it’s smooth!”
• "You understand me? Although yes, where are you going?”
• “Were you born this stupid or did you become so stupid?”
• “You were last in line for brains”
• “Nature did not reward you with intelligence”

How can you say in clever words that a person is a fool?

Use these words:

• Fool
• Feeble-minded
• Crazy
• Poor mind
• Deprived
• On my own mind
• Autistic
• Clown

How to replace curse words with smart words?

To avoid looking stupid and over the top emotional person, try to develop in yourself the ability to replace obscene words cultural analogues. It's not difficult at all if you practice beforehand. Try to understand in advance the full meaning and significance of the obscenities you know, and then in your understanding you will be able to replace them with more “cultural” words.

IMPORTANT: Clever words spoken “strongly” and confidently can be more painful and meaningful than any obscenities that already exist constantly in the speech of a modern person.

How can you respond to a person’s insult, resentment, or rudeness with clever words?

Rules:

• Try to control your emotions
• Answer not during sports or the offender’s monologue, but only when he runs out of words.
• Speak calmly but confidently
• Your voice should not be quiet or too loud
• Look in the face and do not give free rein to your hands (both in terms of assault and unnecessary gestures).
• Proudly leave after what has been said

Video: “Gentlemanly Insults”

Useful tips

No one wants to just put up with the rudeness and rudeness that can be heard in public transport, at work, online, and just on the street.

There is no need to play the role of the victim, but learn to react correctly to aggression towards you.

Obviously, for most people, being rude to them can have a negative impact. influence well-being, self-esteem and performance.

How to respond to rudeness

To be able to respond to rudeness, you first need to work on increasing your self-esteem.

It is worth noting that it is not easy to be rude to a person with a strong spirit.

And yet, if you urgently need to know how to communicate with a boor, then you can use one or more methods of struggle.

Responses to rudeness

Calm

When talking to such people, you should never show them that you are confused. Try to express your point of view frankly, firmly and openly.

Try not to get defensive and speak calmly and relaxed.

Most often, rude people are weak, envious people who find it difficult to get used to honesty and calmness, and sometimes do not know these words at all. They take energy for their negativity from precisely those people who succumb to rudeness and begin to get nervous. Don't let them "feed" on your nervousness.

Sneezing

This method is more suitable as a reaction to prolonged rudeness.

If the person who is rude to you cannot stop, you may well be able to help him do so.

First, try listening to him calmly until he is convinced that he is right. After this, sneeze loudly and demonstratively - there will be a short pause, during which you calmly say the phrase: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." and politely add: "So where did you stop?"

Aikido

Simply put: you give me, I give you. This method transfers your interlocutor’s negativity onto himself. You just need to agree with his attacks against you, thank him for the time and effort spent emphasizing your shortcomings.

You can even praise your interlocutor for his attentiveness and the “advice” that you heard. Do this calmly and try not to show the caustic nature of your phrases.

It is worth noting that the more witnesses to the conflict, the better for you, because a rude person is unlikely to receive the necessary approval from the outside, and will most likely cause laughter and jokes in his address.

Boringness

This method can be used by administrators of forums, websites, blogs and social groups. networks.

Despite the fact that most community members are familiar with general rules, some still deliberately violate them, after which they express their dissatisfaction in private messages with administrators due to the fact that their access was denied.

After all the arguments are over, these characters move on to outright rudeness and rudeness.

The easiest way is to simply ban, but if you want to prove that you are right, try without emotions, describe in detail all the offender’s mistakes. At first, the interlocutor will resist and continue to “have fun” with rudeness, but when he realizes that they are communicating with him dryly, without emotion, he will simply leave behind.

Ignoring

Perhaps the most famous and simple method of dealing with rudeness. Sometimes silence is not only effective and safe, but also beautiful.

If you don’t need anything from a rude person, or you are simply not psychologically ready to enter into a debate with him, or if the “interlocutor” is simply out of his mind and can harm your health, just ignore him. Rude people want to win your attention, don't give them this joy.

It is worth noting that you also need to ignore correctly. No need to include an offensive look and sighs- these are signals that you paid attention to him. Don't show any emotions, a boor is nothing to you.

How to respond beautifully to rudeness

There are several phrases that can be used when you are confronted with a rude person:

"Sorry, is that all?"

"I thought better of you"

"Rudeness doesn't suit you very well"

"Do you want a polite answer or the truth?"

"Why are you trying to look worse than you really are?"

“Like everyone else, I also have bad days. Don’t be upset, everything will work out for you.”

“Yes, of course, go ahead. May luck be on your side” (in case someone jumps in line)

"This role doesn't seem to suit you. What do you really want?"

"Thank you for showing interest in me"

"Do you want to offend me? Why?"

How to respond to insult

If you are accidentally or intentionally cursed, you should not take these words literally and take everything personally.

Understand that if the one who insulted you Bad mood or is he just not well brought up, this does not mean that everything is your fault.

In order to be able to react correctly to insults, you need, first of all, to know that the person who insults you possible ways, he himself is a victim, namely a victim of the obstinacy of his character.

More often than not, those who "attack" and try to humiliate others are weak personalities who are simply unable to cope with negative emotions, which prompts them to throw it all out on others.

What to do in response to an insult

If you are insulted by a stranger

The best option is to ignore it. Just try not to notice the one who is trying to insult you. Of course, there are times when you need to act differently, but most often you need to act as if the stranger is not there, and his words are an empty sound.

If you were insulted by a loved one

From the very beginning, try to dot all the I's. You should calmly and directly tell him that the words spoken hurt you. The right step there will be a discussion of the situation.

If you were insulted by a work colleague/boss

Under such circumstances, try to carefully avoid the conflict. If a co-worker tirelessly insults you and keeps you silent doesn’t help, try responding with a neutral barb.

In the case of a boss, conflicts are not needed, which means do not respond to insults. Instead, imagine your manager as a petulant, pugnacious little child.

In your head, pat him on the head, feed him porridge and help him sit on the potty. This is exactly the method that psychologists recommend. You will not only endure insults, but also gain good mood, or at least it will make you smile and increase your productivity. In addition, the boss may also pay attention to your durability.

How to respond to an insult

The person who is trying to insult you wants to assert himself, to stand out, which means you need to give him a cold answer: “Well, have you asserted yourself at my expense?”

When listening to such a person, try to understand what the goal is, why they want to insult you.

* If you don’t know how to respond to an insult, then you need to know one important thing - no wellit is possible to reach the point of mutual insults and rash reactions.

Besides the fact that it may look stupid, you are also susceptible to manipulation, which may end in a trap for you. You don't have to play by the rules that are imposed on you.

*Another main rule - respond to rudeness calmly without losing your feelings self-esteem . But it is worth noting that the cultural response to the “attack” of a boor most often does not produce any effect, because the game takes place on someone else's territory and not according to your rules.

* If it comes to trolling, or others similar situations, the best thing ignore the offender.

* It happens that you need to answer, but you know that all your arguments simply will not work against a stubborn rude person. In this case, the most the best option will turn around and leave.

* The person who insulted you or is trying to do so may simply be having a bad day. Therefore, from you it will be enough to ask: "Bad day?" . If a person is adequate, he will agree and may even ask for forgiveness.

But, if it comes to a troll, then such a question is not only inappropriate, but can also lead to additional insults towards you.

* Most often, responding to an insult is not a good strategy, and you can get away with it only by neutrally asking the person what he just said to you. Try to pretend that you didn't hear his words or didn't pay attention to them. In this case, only an outright boor will continue his “attacks”.

* If you find yourself in a situation where it is simply necessary to respond to the offender, or you are strangled by the desire to do so, do not rush at him. The main thing is to be calm, cold in words and expressions. It is advisable to silence insults with witty remarks and only after the interlocutor has finished his monologue.

* Sometimes an insult is more like a mockery. In this case, perhaps the best option would be to answer in the form of a joke, which not only will not offend the person, but will also maintain a normal relationship.

One of common mistakes that people make is an attempt to justify themselves, they say, "no, you're wrong, it's not my fault". Firstly, such a strategy can make you humiliated, and secondly, trying to justify yourself is simply pointless, because... As a rule, no one listens to excuses.

Inconvenient questions

“How much does it cost?”, “When are you getting married?”, “What is your salary?”- these questions are annoying, and despite the fact that asking them is bad manners, some still cannot restrain themselves.

There are several situations you can consider, but first let’s note a few universal answers.

How to answer in an original way

- “I am amazed at your ability to ask questions that can baffle you!”

- "You amazing woman(man). I have always been amazed by your ability to ask uncomfortable (correct, difficult, rhetorical) questions!”

- “I’ll be happy to try to answer your question, just answer first, why are you so interested in this?”

- “For what purpose are you interested in this?”

- “Do you really want to talk about this?” If the answer is yes, then simply answer: "And I'm not very good" - and end the dialogue with a smile.

If a person is not very pleasant to you, and you have no desire to communicate with him, especially after incorrect question, you can answer coldly: "It's my damn business."

- Ask again: “I understand correctly that...”

Questions about money

When you encounter unpleasant question, you have every right not to give your interlocutor any specific answer. For example, to the question "How much do you earn?" you can avoid answering “Like most, the average salary in the industry (significantly less than Abramovich).”

You can also answer this question with a counter question. For example, to the question "How much is the jacket?" You can ask your interlocutor how much his jacket costs. Another way to answer this question is significantly overestimate or underestimate the figure and then turn the conversation into a joke.

Questions about work

“What do you do?”, “What do you do at work?”

When answering similar questions, psychologists advise naming the profession that can give you more confidence in what you do. If your work is different, you do many different things, you can sort all the work for a month into sections. This way you will know what takes the most time.

Questions about personal life

“Why isn’t there a girl (boyfriend)?”, “When is the wedding?”, “Why haven’t you gotten married yet?”

You shouldn't take such questions seriously. In response, you can ask your interlocutor why such an unusual question came to his mind. In this case, the interlocutor will find himself in an awkward situation.

There is another option - just answer directly as it is. For example, to the question "Why one more (one)?" Proudly admit that you are patiently looking for your soul mate, who would not leave you in difficult times.

The third option would be "mirroring". For example, "Am I correct in understanding that you don't mind holding a candle over my bed?" , or "...what, today, is your main task to discuss my personal life?" , or "...is interest in other people's troubles normal for you?"

How to respond to rudeness

Boors can be found everywhere. These are people who often experience pressure on themselves, which leads to rudeness as a weapon of defense.

Why are they rude?

Reason 1: Despair

A person is not having a good day - so he is rude. For example, a saleswoman who is tired from the whole working day, a client, a colleague who is brought to stress.

Most often, such people, after throwing out all their anger at someone, feel guilty and may even apologize.

If you decide in such a situation to respond with the same weapon, then the feeling of guilt will go away and the person will think that being rude is normal.

Reason 2: Self-affirmation

When a boor humiliates another person, he feels superior to him, especially if this person, for one reason or another, cannot fight back the offender.

Usually such boors have, albeit not great, but still power. They believe that they can just take their anger out on those who depend on them and get away with it unpunished.

Reason 3: The desire to be noticed

If rudeness is integral part person, which means his roots can be hidden in childhood.

A child always wants attention and love from his parents. If he does not receive this, then he begins to be rude so that at least some attention will be paid to him. As a person ages, he uses the same strategy.

Responses to rudeness

Method 1: Don't take everything said to you personally.

Often a person who is rude does not do it specifically to you - rather, it is anger at the world in general: ill-mannered youth, men are assholes, etc. and only the brute himself is white and fluffy.

One can only sympathize with such a boor, because... the world he lives in is not easy to live in. Remember, every person sees the world differently. If a boor says that you uneducated person, you can try to refute his statement with your knowledge, but this is unlikely to work.

Method 2: A boor should not become the master of the situation

Try not to give the boor power over the situation so that they don't feel stronger.

If your boss is rude to you, and it is impossible to get away from it, think about the fact that you are not chained to him for the rest of your life. You are not a slave, you are only doing your job professionally, i.e. you help him carry out his work, which means you can call yourself a partner in a certain business. You can demand more respect for yourself because... you have every right to do this.

Method 3: Remember your rights

When you are rude to public place, then we need to fight not with the offenders, but with their superiors.

Find out your first name, last name, position and contacts. You can ask for a complaint book, if there is one. If this does not help, try contacting a consumer protection society or a lawyer.

Use your weapons - human rights and leverage. This method is suitable if the boor is an official, manager, waiter, security guard or other representatives of large organizations

Method 4: Use your imagination

Try to imagine the offender behind a glass wall: you see him, you notice that he is expressing something, but you simply do not hear.

You can also imagine a boor in the form of a big fish in an aquarium: it seems to be moving its lips, moving its fins, but it is not clear what all this is for.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then you remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is like bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing sound on the floor.

Method 5: Try to contact the boor

Try to find out the reason for the aggression. For example, you can say: “Now you are being rude to me, why do you need this?” or “You have a smile on your face and yet you say mean things, so I haven’t figured out how to respond to your words yet.”

Perhaps the person who heard you will think about his actions, look at himself from the outside and rethink his behavior. You can use this method when communicating with people with whom you will have to meet and talk more than once - work colleagues, acquaintances, relatives.

There is a chance that a person will look at himself from the outside and rethink something in his behavior.

How to respond beautifully to rudeness

Rudeness can be treated well with politeness, which frightens boors, forcing them to be careful when communicating:

- “You see, dear, I do not intend to communicate with you in such a tone.”

- "Dear, you may have confused me with someone"

If the boor just can’t stop after all your attempts, then save your nerves, wish him all the best and leave the place of conversation.

Sometimes a boor needs to be put in his place, otherwise by your silence you will make them stronger. A good answer can close the mouth of a boor. But remember, being rude to someone who is rude does not make you superior.

Try using humor. If someone is rude to you, smile and say "What a fool (fool, idiot) you are!" Such an act can anger the boor even more, whose reaction will make you laugh.

Smiling back often irritates a boor, so smile sincerely.

- “You deign to be rude to me... Why? Is your goal to offend me? Why?”

Answer in such a way that your word is the last and then the rudeness will stop.

Don't pay attention to the boor. Imagine the scenario in your head: “You are a leaf on the road... Everything passes by and doesn’t touch you.” .

Book fragment Kovpak D.V. The wrong ones were attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, visiting, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of the victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. Renowned psychotherapist and courageous man, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his exciting stories and professional advice to combat rudeness and cynicism. Doctor Kovpak is ready to cheat the world without bending under it! And you?

Basic Strategies for Overcoming Rudeness

Effective counteraction

Obviously, there are three approaches in relationships between people. The first is to consider only yourself and suppress others... The second is to always give in to others in everything... The third approach is to keep in mind your own interests without neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead cannot be touched alive. Each of us has found ourselves in situations where we were hurt or psychologically traumatized. A natural desire arises to punish or teach the offender a lesson, or to minimize the damage to the reputation and assessments of others.

What exactly should I do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a whole host of other questions are constantly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened and not only to you. How they responded to this before people Have you already encountered a similar problem?

Confucius was once asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: “You need to respond to good with good, and you need to respond to evil with justice.”

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit among your offenders. A rude person’s desire to make a remark or even lash out at you comes before there is a reason for it.

If you help unbalanced people by regularly providing them with a platform to vent their irritation, this tactic will begin to work automatically for them. They will no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.

So, by confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares and even as he thinks about himself. Therefore, expecting your offenders to see the light on their own, admit mistakes and injustices being committed, may turn out to be too time-consuming and expensive a strategy. Help them realize that they are in for the wrong thing.

But respond not to the content of the enemy’s speech, but to the very fact of his interference in something that is not your business.

Whether there are winners in a fight with rude people is a controversial and even rhetorical question. However, if you have decided to take up martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not hurt you.

Those entering a verbal duel require a number of qualities and skills:

• efficiency of searching and reproducing information;
• wit, irony;
• resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
• ability to use logic and consistent argumentation;
• mastery of rhetoric;
• stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
• noise immunity.

Quite often, people, when defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-unconfident and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior is that, acting confidently, a person does not insult or oppress others, respecting the rights of people as much as his own.

People who can properly stand up for themselves are much less susceptible to stressful conditions in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.

People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority or self-doubt and try to mask these underlying feelings with their aggressive behavior.

Key to confident behavior- this is the consolidation in regular practice of a new model of attitude and behavior.

Remember: what you say to a rude person is much less important than how you say it.

In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, you must first of all clearly understand the right to the inviolability of your personality and personal life.

Manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.

“Jupiter, you are angry, which means you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, having found no other answer.

The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotional and shout all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows reached their target and hurt you.

But sometimes this helps relieve tension. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the delayed consequences. Sometimes it is prohibitively high.

The splash technique helps much better negative emotions in water. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists.”

Open the tap and simply scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter!

Imagine this situation: you were very angry with your boss, who harshly and rudely reprimanded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you hit the table with your fist, break two pencils, a pen, and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they prevent you from becoming angry with your manager in similar situations in the future?

According to good famous theory catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be positive. When an angry person lets off steam through vigorous, non-harmful activities, the following things happen: first, the level of tension or arousal decreases, and second, the tendency to resort to violence decreases. open aggression against provoking (or other) persons.

These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that contemplating a production that forces the audience to empathize with what is happening can indirectly contribute to the “purification” of feelings. Despite the fact that Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for defusing aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular S. Freud, who believed that intensity aggressive behavior can be reduced either by expressing emotions related to aggression or by observing aggressive actions others.

While recognizing the reality of such “purification,” Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing overt aggression. He seems to have believed that his influence was ineffective and short-lived. Indeed, watching films or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is likely to increase the intensity aggressive manifestations in future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we like to retell myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh effigies of their bosses and then, calm and satisfied, go to work? workplace. Giving people the opportunity to whack inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash objects into pieces does not necessarily reduce the strength of their desire to commit aggressive acts towards those who harass them.

The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the findings indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.

The English writer John Ruskin said: “A gentle answer removes malice.”

This is also a certain technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and endurance. To have enough patience to respond politely to malicious insults and not lose your temper not only externally, but also internally. To do this, you will need to develop considerable self-discipline.

As a last resort, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rude you just spoke. Communication in this form/tone does not suit me.” Sometimes this stops the offender or throws him off for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and will be able to retreat from the place of verbal battle with your head held high.

This way you will eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of “victorious scenarios” in fantasy - the virtual “waving of fists” after a verbal battle.

The main thing is conservation inner confidence in itself.

Gandhi’s mental phrase to himself would be appropriate: “They are not able to take away our self-respect unless we ourselves give it to them.” And the conclusions drawn based on life experience The idea that we often feel better (i.e., less agitated or stressed) by responding to people who have upset us is indeed justified, as some serious aggression researchers claim.

If you have time, allow the interlocutor to finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.

Listening carefully means perceiving the words that are spoken, without being too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - give signals feedback, showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, by nodding). Analytically - to grasp the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving the information encrypted between the words. Listening is a real art.

But there are situations when the interlocutor speaks sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Calmly interrupt the conversation the moment you notice that a lie has been told: just politely and correctly correct your interlocutor. But please be brief.

For example, during negotiations for round table or speeches on the podium, you need to react immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shaking of the head or gestures.

You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during a dialogue, but if a third person or audience is present, they will wait for your reaction. And lack of reaction means agreement!

Don't be afraid to break rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

Questioning technique is the queen of dialectics. “He who asks, controls!” - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.

Questions are often tools of pressure to demand information, deepen the topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or shift the conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, insist on justice, encourage the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, demand facts or specify the statements of the interlocutor.

So remember your questioning tactics. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. This is also a powerful tool.

The client asks:

• Why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
• What do you think?

If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect comments, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways, described by V. Petrova.

The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a “psychological barrier.” With our polite and specific comments, we can delimit our personal space, clearly making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.

Most often, this method is used when strangers or people we barely know express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.

Here are examples of such responses:

• Thank you for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
• Please don't worry about our affairs, we can sort it out ourselves.
• Please don't pay so much attention...
• Please don't bother yourself...
• Sorry, but is it any of your business? Don't say, “It's none of your business,” which sounds much harsher, and also avoid saying, “It's my business,” because it draws attention to your person (directs the attention of others to you) rather than to your opponent's behavior.
• A possible option is to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give assessments to other people. The power of these words lies in the fact that every person latently understands that he himself is not ideal and does not have the moral right to dictate to others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
• “On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but this helps to maintain one’s own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuses unbridled boors who often operate in vernacular. The aggressiveness of such a response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
• “Let God judge that. Or do you want to take over his functions?” It doesn't matter who you're talking to - an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Redirection “to God” - effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he is clearly exceeding his authority.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

All people make mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the matter (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took this fact into account. Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind,” “Thanks, I just didn’t notice that,” “I’ll think about it, thanks for the comment/information.”

A whole series of techniques for repelling rude people is built on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide so yourself?”

Another option for shifting attention to the rude person’s personality is to describe his actions. Any action of your interlocutor can be represented as a picture, only painted not with paints, but with your words.

A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that force him to act in this way are clearly visible to others, or simply displaces the understanding of this. Oddly enough, it seems to the aggressor that people only perceive his words, but do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, you should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Can you hear what you are saying?” or “Do you realize what you look like now?”

People who like to speak for others, in particular, to speak from the position of “ highest values", "standards of morality and ethics" can also be put in place.

You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obligated to talk to him, much less report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”

If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to contact the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But under no circumstances get involved in a debate that you don’t need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose responsibilities actually include a legal assessment of your actions.

You should not talk to people who insist that you are harming third parties, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case someone in authority to whom you actually have an obligation to report gets involved.

The very fact that you began to make excuses to a stranger indicates that you have low self-confidence, you are easily made to feel guilty, and you “owe” too much to others.

No matter how self-confident and arrogant a boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk the way he talks to you.

Also a rude person wouldn't dare behave In a similar way, if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to so-and-so (name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »

Another option is to link to virtual witnesses: “What do you think I would do if I were in your place?” well-mannered person? (you can name a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”

If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.

One day a teacher called a student swear word. He was not taken aback and said: “Let Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you.”

The so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person for whom the story was intended, was very effective.

Metaphor is a type of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - “through” and fore - “to carry”. That is, metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It transfers meanings bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here's a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems.

One day a wanderer stopped an old man walking to find out how far it was to the city.

“Go,” he answered monosyllabically. The puzzled wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness local residents. But he had not walked even fifty steps when he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:

You're still an hour away from the city.

Why didn't you answer right away? - exclaimed the wanderer.

“I had to see what steps you were taking,” the old man explained.

Or a story about jumping to conclusions.

A knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way, he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly in the distance he saw a lake. The knight gathered all his remaining strength and went to the water. But right next to the lake sat a three-headed dragon.

The knight pulled out his sword and with his last strength began to fight the monster. He fought for days, then he fought for two days. He cut off two dragon heads. On the third day the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet or hold his sword.

And then from last bit of strength the dragon asked:

• Knight, what did you want?
• Drink some water.
• Well, I would drink it...

And finally, remember the enchanting film “Formula of Love” and the doctor’s calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:

Yes, yes,” Cagliostro agreed. - So many fables have been invented about me that I get tired of refute them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and common for people holding the title of master... Let's start with childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago... - Cagliostro looked around those gathered, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what they had heard. - You are probably amazed at how ancient date my birth?

No, it’s not amazing,” the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the district, in the patchports, where the year of birth was, he only indicated one number. Ink, the scoundrel, you see, saved. Then the matter became clear, he was sent to prison, and the patch port was no longer remade. Still a document.

© Kovpak D.V. The wrong ones were attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012
© Published with permission from the publisher