Recently a girl came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, produces good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?” I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how bad attitude towards oneself, non-acceptance of oneself, self-criticism have a negative impact on people’s lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.
To love or not to love... that is the question!
I completely share the point of view that the better a person feels about himself, the more likely he is to become successful and achieve his goals. Good attitude towards oneself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in professional field. Loving yourself means being in harmony with yourself and the world around you, feeling confident and attractive, respecting yourself and your desires, carrying positive charge felt by people around.
Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to low mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, therefore common problem such people - , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-dislike is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s appearance, lack of self-confidence, constant voltage and a feeling of worthlessness.
What does it mean to love yourself?
It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as an individual, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one’s ego to others.
The main desire!
As soon as you decide to change your attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will be launched. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. Love yourself instantly, with a wave magic wand you won't succeed. Make adjustments to your appearance quickly and easily, but truly accept and love your inner world it can be very difficult. The process of accepting yourself takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and your readiness for change. So where to start?
Take care of your appearance
Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly connected with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, these can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many appearance flaws can be easily corrected the right choice clothes that suit your figure, use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to always take care of your appearance - you do not have to be dressed in the latest fashion in trendy things. The main thing is that these are clothes that you like and add confidence to yourself, and that your overall appearance is neat and well-groomed. Take an extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and put your shoes in order before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose a pleasant aroma that will inspire you. Don't neglect accessories: beautiful watch or a convenient handbag will be once again call you positive emotions, lifting your spirits and adding self-confidence.
Your mood and the way you think determine your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world. the world. There is a lot of dissatisfaction with oneself negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Tune in positive mood, learn to enjoy the little things and the world will sparkle with bright colors for you (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« »
).
Watch your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I’m so ugly,” “I’m so fat, I’m just terrible,” “I’m a loser, I’ll never succeed,” etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”
Move forward, don't stay in one place for too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or advanced training courses). Find an activity or hobby that you like that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and encourage yourself for any, even the most minor achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Special attention give yours strong qualities— use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to discover the advantages in yourself on your own, turn to friends and loved ones for help. Ask them to make a list of your positive aspects. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - those around you will certainly find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to view criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.
Accept your past
Very often, self-dissatisfaction can be related to what you are experiencing for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as a invaluable experience, which made you stronger, allowed you to become who you are now. The very awareness of a mistake made is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to get hung up on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in your present and future life(I wrote about how to accept your past in the article« » ).
Listen to your desires
Give yourself permission to do what you want and enjoy. We are not talking about any illegal actions or antisocial behavior. I mean inner freedom, the opportunity to choose, listen to yourself, and not follow the lead of others. When performing any action, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy some not entirely necessary thing in a store, you do it of your own free will, orso as not to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really want to, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it is important to notice them. When you do something against your desire or compromise your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it can be very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop internal sensitivity and the ability to hear your own inner voice(I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).
Surround yourself with nice people
Think about what kind of people surround you? How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure or satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to reduce contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positivity, from whom you want to follow an example and change in better side.
There is no need to look for a reason to love yourself!Want to be happy man- be it! Fill up your life positive emotions, good mood, nice people, bright events– and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will definitely answer you in kind.
I want to invite all women to a special one. It's about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life's difficulties, be in harmony with yourself and the world around you! The ABC of Women training program can be viewed.
Taking care of you, Gestalt therapist.
It is generally accepted that the absence of such warm sympathy and its expression leads to loss inner harmony, uncomfortable feeling and lack of simple joys in life. A person begins to reproach himself, dig around, educate, engaging in all sorts of activities for change and re-education.
The prevailing idea of self-love and personal comfort zone makes one think about how beautiful such love is and what the terrifying consequences of its absence are. We strive in every possible way to acquire this dear feeling, not noticing that we are already endowed with it by nature, and we do not think about whether it is harmful or whether it is time to rename it, or, scary to even think about, completely eradicate it.
Now let's try to describe a woman who loves herself. What is she like? What does it look like? What kind of life does he lead?
Well-groomed, with skillful makeup and hair, fresh manicure, clean, tastefully selected, expensive clothes, a fit, slender body, leaving behind a trail of expensive perfume. Prestigious job, worthy wage, knowledge of languages, broad outlook, travel. Such a lady daily catches the longing glances of men and the admiring, often envious glances of women. She knows exactly what she wants, does not waste time, because she values every minute of her beautiful life, filled with herself - after all, she loves herself. Does he love you?
It is common to think that such an attitude towards oneself is called neither respect nor reverence, but love.
Grueling workouts proper nutrition, diets, restrictions, selective relationships with men and selective dating. Complete prohibitions, choices and infringements.
Does this border on love, or what does self-love given by nature do to a woman?
What motivates an overweight young lady as she greedily eats her seventh cake in front of the TV? What motivates her on her way to the refrigerator after six for another cutlet? What makes you eat a greasy sandwich with generously sugared tea in the morning instead of oatmeal? Where does this eating habit come from? Out of reluctance to refuse a tasty morsel. Out of the inability to say a firm NO to yourself. Because I, my beloved, my dear, who adores every fold of my belly, cannot help but pamper myself. Because... I love myself.
It’s easier to eat high-calorie and unhealthy foods - you don’t need to look for original recipes, limit your diet, or monitor your diet. And lettuce leaves, at first glance, don’t look as appetizing as pizza with salami. We try to simplify our lives purely out of self-love. Blind and unresponsive - because our body, saturated with cholesterol and fast carbohydrates, is unlikely to reciprocate as a lack of cellulite. Quite the contrary.
A woman who...loves herself has a thousand reasons not to take care of her body. No money for the gym, no time to train, no sports uniform and the possibility of acquiring it, after training the muscles hurt unbearably, and the result is slow and questionable. Programs for home workouts are just a waste of time, and lounging in bed is much more pleasant than exercising at dawn. Our NOs are the fruit of blind self-love.
Watching TV is much easier than learning languages and reading books, you don’t have to think, the brain is filled with useless information, and it seems there is no room in it for intelligent grain, for an educational encyclopedia, for interesting book, For entertaining program about animals and nature. The hard drive of consciousness is filled with heroes of soap series, tearful stories about someone else's unrequited love, and 0 gigabytes of free memory for hundreds of new words in English and foreign grammar rules. And by the way, what a boring article, where is the TV remote control, MY FAVORITE program is about to start.
Get higher education on your own - labor and time, perhaps loving person Will he force himself to work hard and will he waste precious time sitting in libraries, memorizing subjects unnecessarily, straining his brains, sharpened by self-love.
A prestigious job is not for those who love themselves. When faced with the unknown, you have to experience discomfort, expand familiar framework, listen to the edifications of your superiors, climb career ladder, that there is strength. It is much easier to make coffee for a manager who clearly does not like himself, since as punishment he chooses a ten-hour working day, a lot of trainings, conferences, new acquaintances and receives a payment with four zeros after the decimal point as a reward. That’s what he needs, he must be lucky in at least something - boundless self-love is enough for me.
Oh yes, where is the TV remote control and chips, after six hours of back-breaking work on VKontakte, can I finally get a well-deserved, decent rest.
A man who has “ruined his whole life,” a dunce, a drunkard and an ignoramus is the choice of a woman who loves herself. And in no other way, she will not allow herself to be an outcast in society, catch the sympathetic glances of happily married friends and continue to remain alone. And how nice it is to then lament fate, which did not love her as much as, of course, she loves herself. Otherwise, what can lead a man who remains unhappy for several years, suffering misunderstandings, radical differences of views, inattention and absence from a man. Apparently, self-love is enough to maintain such a relationship.
Looking in the mirror in the morning, carefully examining the person who stands in front of you, think carefully about what you would like to say to him? And if the daily training “I love myself” has not brought the desired results for a long time, isn’t it time to change the wording or at least think about whether I love myself correctly?
Evgenia Adamova, founder of the Women's Development Center "Secrets of Slavyanka", author of training programs aimed at the holistic development of the harmonious state of Women.
Today you can often come across a distorted concept of “I love myself” and it can manifest itself in exactly one of the above ways.
What is the difference between “love myself” and “pamper my body”?
In the second meaning, pampering my body, we do everything that brings pleasure to our physical body, decorating, washing, clothing and filling with delicious things. All this is required by our brain for conscious choice of quality material life. The thoughts of such a person are aimed more at the result of the process he is launching, and not at the pleasure of the process itself.
In the first meaning, self-love comes from the relationship with your higher Self, your Soul. And interaction in this direction will not allow you to harm your body either. harmful products, no strict diets, no quarrels with difficult people and even “last minute orders”. A person who knows, listens to his Soul and trusts his feelings often exchanges exhausting work for creative work and devotes his life to studying the process of life itself, and himself as a single whole in this Universe.
The difference is that all the methods described are a manifestation of love for your physical body. And self-love lies in the need to continue to take care of your body, choosing with your mind suitable conditions for the home of the soul.
How often do you look at others with envy? happy women and trying to answer the question why everything in life is so uneven, illogical, inexplicable.
Why is it EVERYTHING for one, and only pitiful crumbs for you? At the same time, the other one is far from the most beautiful and worthy. At first glance she seems ordinary, but she is LOVED, APPRECIATED, WANTED. And your life, despite hard work and efforts, still won’t begin to sparkle with happy colors?
If a woman feels guilty, is dissatisfied with herself, is burdened by work, is irritated by her loved ones, relationships with men are not going well, in a word - something in life is very unsatisfactory, it’s time to START LOVE YOURSELF.
It would seem, what does one have to do with the other? What kind of self-love can we talk about when the problem is outside? A man lying in front of the TV or his absence, a job that does not bring pleasure, a feeling as if life is passing by. For the most part, this is what happens! It's easier for us to find external enemy rather than looking for problems inside.
How do women reason? You need to change your job, your man, your environment. Many change. So what's the result?
For a while, it will seem to you that life is getting better, but very soon the problems will return. The new boss will start to find fault, the new chosen one will relax, new friends will turn out to be no better than the old ones.
Why is this happening? Because, changing the picture outside, we subconsciously act according to the old scenario, we treat the symptoms, not the cause of the disease, so we inevitably step on the old rake.
We are afraid to admit that the problem is in ourselves, because we will have to live with this knowledge. But how? This is where the magic pill comes to the rescue - SELF-LOVE.
There is another extreme: the woman understands that the problem is with her. It seems that he is trying to become better, developing, in a relationship with a man he is making efforts to ensure that everything is ok, but “for some reason” he does not appreciate it. Do you know why? In these efforts, the woman, again, forgot ABOUT HERSELF.
What is self-love?
Self-love is not narcissism, not inflated self-esteem, not selfishness.
Self-love is positive SELF-ACCEPTANCE.
I'll explain it simply. Self-acceptance is a state when a person accepts himself as he is, with all his advantages and, most importantly, disadvantages, without judging, without feeling remorse or guilt.
We contact the world through the prism of our own “I”. Agree, if you allow yourself to tell a lie, another person’s lie will not become a mortal sin for you. You can accept this fact, because you yourself sometimes sin like this. By accepting your own shortcomings, you are more tolerant of the shortcomings of others.
It turns out than BETTER man treats himself, the better he treats others.
If everything is so simple, you ask, why doesn’t everyone manage to love themselves?
The answer, like many things in this life, is rooted in childhood.
The trouble is that back side medals - SELF-LOVE - arises in infancy against our will and continues to live until we ourselves realize the problem and begin to move in small steps towards ourselves.
Why don't women love themselves?
Reason #1 – parents
The seeds of self-dislike are planted by parents. All mentally normal mothers and fathers love their children. With the best intentions, wanting to be members of society, they scold, punish, and prohibit.
At these moments, their love is securely hidden deep inside, and at the exit the child sees only dislike. Remember what they called you as a child:
Lazy
Hands grow from the wrong place
Disorderly...
It's no secret that every person hears what he wants to hear. The psyche involuntarily sets filters. From a wealth of information, a child begins, like a sponge, to absorb facts that confirm unflattering reviews about him. As a result, he becomes convinced that he is not just NOT loved. They don't deserve to love him.
The dirty deed is done. Without knowing it, parents lay down COMPLEXES that haunt us throughout our lives, largely determining its course.
Reason #2 – I = society
The second source of self-dislike is added to adolescence. A teenage girl begins to distinguish between the concepts of “I” and “They” and evaluate both them and herself. The evaluation logic is simple. Like in the cartoon - whoever praises me best will give him a big sweet candy. If those around her are friendly, tolerant, sympathetic, and attentive to her, they are perceived as a plus. If they are aggressive, edifying, critical - with a minus sign.
The point is that a person evaluates HIMSELF according to the same criteria by which he values others. By doing bad things to others, one’s own psyche evaluates oneself negatively and rejects oneself. A person who acts in a negative way generally accepted norms, doesn't love himself.
How can a woman learn to love herself?
Loving yourself is difficult. Self-acceptance is not self-admiration, not the automatic repetition of “I am the most charming and attractive.” This is constant conscious activity on your thoughts, judgments, and actions. But... Water wears away stones.
1. Try to understand the reason for parental negativity, which you suffered from as a child and continue to experience now. He has nothing to do with you personal qualities no relation.
Your parents were afraid for you and your life, they dealt with it ineptly. with your own feelings. They felt bad. They need to be understood, forgiven, and in the future treated as you would treat a person whose poor health, mental confusion, and problems are obvious to you. Treat with sympathy, understanding, care. Over time, your self-acceptance is guaranteed to increase.
2. Make room for the good.
Write letters to the past. Parents, if there is resentment towards them. which may have caused a lot of pain.
In the first letter you pour out all the negativity, resentment, pain, anger, claims, criticism. Unload everything from the inside onto paper. Then you crumple this letter and burn it.
Write the second letter with gratitude for all the good things this person has given you. For experience, for growth. It would not be superfluous to apologize for your imperfection. This letter can be photographed and sent to a person for him to read.
Often thanks to such letters it is possible to leave.
3. Take care of yourself!
I never get tired of repeating this phrase. A man does not appreciate a woman, a man “wipes his feet on her,” a man does not see the woman’s efforts, he finds fault, irritated? Take care of yourself, your body, your appearance, your enjoyment of this life.
But not with the aim of taking revenge on the man or teaching him a lesson. And for myself. After all, no one really needs us until we need ourselves, first of all.
4. Do good deeds for no reason
Compliment people, find the good in them, highlight it. Help those people who are not able in this life (already or so far) to help themselves (orphans, disabled people, the elderly). For what?
For awareness intrinsic value. That you, as you are now, are useful to this world. And in general, the meaning of life is to make it better. Starting with whom? That's right, from yourself.
5. Get rid of people who drag you down
We are the arithmetic average of our environment. “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are.”
I remember myself when I arrived in Kyiv from the provinces. Being an insecure guy, I strived for better, for development. And there were friends, after communicating with whom I felt bad at heart, around whom I felt unhappy. Limit communication with such people.
Surround yourself with people luckier than you or others who strive for better things just like you.
6. Change your lifestyle
Hence, self-esteem and self-love will increase. Before you know it, one day you will forget that you once didn’t love yourself (as happened in my life).
Conclusion:
Self-love is something without which all women’s efforts in relationships with men come to nothing. Some women continue to accuse men of ingratitude and their imperfection, and some women have the courage to suspect that perhaps the reason is in themselves.
Take the path of self-love. I gave instructions above. I went through all of this personally. If I could do it, so can you.
Thank you and see you in the next articles.
Write in the comments the first three steps you will take towards increasing your self-esteem.
Read the top materials on my blog:
Loving yourself is very important, but not every woman comes to this art as easily as she would like. Where do many problems come from? In fact, from the depths of your own consciousness - there is a source there. We ourselves set taboos, clichés, evaluate ourselves low, find fault, come up with possible best options past events, we think a lot about the bad, we consider ourselves unworthy of something. How to cope with the problem and learn to love yourself first?
External data – looking for advantages
There are no ugly women! Even if you were told otherwise, remember that bad things are remembered better. There are many jokes on this topic. For example, this: “He can tell her a hundred times that she is beautiful, but she will only remember that he hinted at her fatness.” That's the whole point. Many people do not know how to focus on the good, but only remember the bad.
How to work on yourself:
· Remember the compliments you have received. If you don’t communicate much with people, upload your favorite one to some group social network beautiful photo. They will write something good for you!
· Encourage yourself. In every little thing you need to praise yourself, your beloved. Do it mentally or out loud - it doesn’t matter, depending on the circumstances.
· Don't be lazy. Beautiful hair, a clean body, a neat manicure - this gives you self-confidence. You will fall in love with the very beauty that you see every day in the mirror.
Opinions of others
Have you ever thought how hard life is when you try to take into account the opinions of others? Remind yourself every time: “I live for myself!” The main thing is not to disturb or harm anyone, and everything else is just stereotypes. Love your life and everyone who is important in it. There will always be those who want to criticize you, even if you become Miss World.
Take criticism more easily, remember praise, praise other people. Criticism should be taken as an outside opinion. You can take a closer look at it and draw conclusions, but you don’t need to take its essence as a template.
When you learn to listen first to your inner voice, you will become happier. And before you know it, you will love yourself.
Think positive, dream
Have you ever thought about the composition of your thoughts? Most of us are accustomed to immersing ourselves in problems, feeling sorry for ourselves, and replaying the same unfortunate situation dozens of times in our thoughts. And this is a big mistake!
Everyone has failures. You need to draw conclusions, but not get hung up. Life goes on! You are beautiful, full of strength, beauty and... that same self-love.
Think more about the good, try to catch yourself in the negative and drive it away. Dream more, make plans, goals. Learn to have fun, even if you feel lonely today.
Remember - you are beautiful, even despite your flaws! All that remains is to highlight this beauty. And when you love yourself, others will also change their attitude towards you.
Very often you can hear the phrase: “Nobody loves me, everyone treats me badly.” But do you love yourself? Just answer this question honestly. Do you often criticize yourself? Do you like your reflection in the mirror? Do you approve of yourself in all your actions? Now think about your answers.
Instructions
Start pampering yourself. Give yourself a new hairstyle. Go to a beauty salon. Or set up a beauty salon at home. Give yourself a manicure. Take a bubble bath or rose petals. Light the candles, pour some wine or champagne. And just relax. This is the first step on the path to yourself.
Maybe you have long wanted to learn step dance. So make your dream come true. Sign up for dance lessons and get going
Watch your appearance. If you have a habit of going to the store in stretched sweatpants, get rid of it immediately. Of course, some have a different opinion, saying: “Who will I dress for?” And you start dressing for yourself. Stop and start choosing your clothes more carefully (for work, cultural events and holidays). Appearance also includes a reluctance to wear makeup. This is not what you need for evening makeup before going to the store. A protective face cream, a little mascara and clear gloss will be enough. Soon you will enjoy the attention that you will receive everywhere and always.
Give yourself gifts. Stop saving on your loved one. Buy yourself some unnecessary thing which is for you. Even if it’s just lying around, buy it if you really want it.
Praise yourself more often. Something worked out, say to yourself: “Well done”! And if something didn’t work out, it’s okay. It'll work out next time. The main thing is not to criticize yourself. There will be people who will do this for you. Don't try to be perfect ideal people No. Just do what you want (within the law, of course) and what you like.
Remember positive affirmations. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself: “I am myself. I am the best, the most beautiful. Everything always works out for me.” Or come up with an affirmation yourself and repeat it every day. Even if you don’t believe in the power of words, at least try it. And see how positive affirmations will change your life.
Start doing all of these right now. Your life will begin to change for the better only when you want it. It all depends on your thoughts. Love yourself now and the world will respond in kind.
Video on the topic
The topic of self-love has arisen relatively recently. Many psychologists and supporters positive thinking insist that the previous system on which we were all brought up excluded the very phenomenon of self-love. From childhood, people were taught that a person’s first place should be work, study, family and many other things. No one had any time or energy left for self-love.
Instructions
Many people confuse selfishness with the concept of selfishness. Of course, in order to pay attention to yourself, you need a little ego, otherwise a person will live for others. Loving yourself means keeping your body healthy, keeping your thoughts pure, pampering yourself with little gifts, and at the same time feeling like a human being. Of course, everyone associates the very fact of self-love in their own way. The most important thing is for a person to be sure that he is not infringing on himself in any way and lives in harmony with himself.
A person who loves himself will never do harm own body and health. He will stick healthy image life and eating rationally. If you want to
How to love yourself and become happy is a question every second woman asks. There are queries about this in Yandex and Google search engines. And mountains of all kinds of literature have been written to answer this literally screaming request, both in printed format and in the vastness of the Runet. And how can we, women, not drown in this sea of information and be able to swim to the other shore of Hope, where our very Self-Love lives?
Let's try to understand this issue step by step.
False attitudes - destruction of self-esteem
Nowadays there is professional psychologists who approach their work with full responsibility and help get rid of various psychosomatic disorders leading to diseases of the soul and body. A friend who visited a psychologist one-on-one told me about this.
Yes, after visiting a psychologist she felt better. But not for long. Her previous states returned to her again. The friend was still left alone with her problems, a depressive view of the world and a cold bed at night.
Both my friends and I were looking for answers on how to love ourselves in “smart books” and, despite all sorts of tricks in the search for female happiness, with enviable repetition we made mistakes in personal life and were left alone. Without a close and beloved man nearby.
What's the catch?
“Love yourself, don’t give a damn about everyone - and success awaits you in life!” - such a false attitude is propagated by many false psychologists, teaching us women a selfish approach to the very issue of self-love. As if it’s enough to put on a new dress, do a new hairstyle and, clicking your heels, run through life towards women's happiness. Like, love yourself so beautiful, and then Love from others will “accidentally come.”In fact, it is not accidental and will not come. It's not enough to just improve your body without working on yours. state of mind. It is impossible to receive love without initially giving it outwardly.
I myself lived with such a fundamentally wrong approach. for a long time. Thought: “Here I am - beautiful, successful, young, I have a prestigious status, a sought-after profession and extensive experience. Men themselves should lay themselves in stacks at my feet!” They didn't fit. And those who zealously wanted it did not interest me.
Having studied mountains of books on self-development and self-improvement, completed courses and trainings in psychology, armed with the coveted “piece of paper for happiness” - a certificate, I was waiting for manna from heaven and a flow of all-consuming Love from outside to my little head. How else? After all, by that time I had already developed practices for discovering self-love through various techniques breathing, including the stomach and the “third eye”. I learned the very essence of women.
That’s what I thought then and looked forward to this day with great readiness and faith. After all, I knew how and where to start in order to truly love myself. But love got lost somewhere along the way to me. And I never managed to love myself.
It turns out I was wrong about something?
Small mistakes mean lifelong losses
I was taught to love myself first, and then to love another, my neighbor. Like, what you are on the inside is what you will attract on the outside. The principle is only partly true. “The law of the mirror” - this is how it was written in many smart books. And I tried my best.Beautiful outfits, a new hairstyle, meeting with friends on weekends and discussing new techniques for attracting love. All this seemed to be necessary for any woman to feel confident, beautiful, and successful. All this was supposed to increase self-esteem.
But I misunderstood the very essence of what I was looking for. I looked for self-love externally and waited for it to be shown by others. Striving to rise in the eyes of others, every day I lost more and more respect for myself. For some reason my self-esteem was plummeting. It turned out that no matter how much I tried to just love myself, looking at myself on the outside, I felt worse and worse inside.
The selfish approach did not suit me at all! What's the catch? I realized that I urgently need to change my approach!
Loving yourself means acting for others
Answer and the right approach was found at the training " System-vector psychology» Yuri Burlan. This knowledge literally turned me upside down, making me look at people and the world differently. And first of all - on yourself. For your life in general.I learned that the seed of love is first born within oneself. Not for yourself, but for another person. And it is taken outside - outside, to people, without expecting anything in return.
These are not the false selfish attitudes and manifestations that I was taught before. But it’s not just altruism “without a king in its head.” This is daily painstaking work. From this new knowledge, I clearly realized: in order to love yourself, you don’t need to wait for something. We need to act and act from the inside out - to the people.
Love is a verb. To love means to do something. But what? And How? We women are accustomed to waiting for love, but we need to literally do it, that is, show it in action.
This does not mean at all that a woman needs to be the first to take the initiative in a real acquaintance or invite a man on a first date. But starting a conversation on a topic that is interesting to both, revealing your soul to him, thus beginning the movement of your emotions towards the man, is quite acceptable.
How to act correctly?
It turns out that you should always start any Action with yourself. Show example. In this sense, there is no egoistic approach here. The meaning is as follows: first giving and only then receiving. This is a pleasant tension - enormous concentration on another person.When you are truly ready to give something from your heart, engaging in the process of giving with all the meaning and readiness, amazing things begin to happen. Men give gifts and compliments. Reaching out to you. They help in any urgent matters, offering help themselves first. And you don’t have to wear only long skirts; you can also be a woman in jeans. The main thing is the inner feeling.
And in fact, a man doesn’t owe anything at the first meeting - contrary to what I was taught before in false trainings. It is the woman who first sets the message to the man, building an emotional connection with him and laying the foundation for future relationships; it is the woman who is in greater demand in this matter.
To love yourself is to know yourself through another
☀ To know yourself is to know your nature, mental inclinations and talents given from birth. The psychic knows everything, only with false attitudes and other people’s slogans we are leading ourselves in the wrong direction.☀ Having known ourselves, we accept ourselves. But accepting does not mean loving yourself as you are. This is fundamentally wrong. This means understanding ourselves and realizing the best that we have.
☀ We can only know ourselves through differences from others. And it is possible to see differences only by interacting with people, first of all by understanding what motivates them, what their desires and needs are.
With the help of the knowledge of Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology,” the mental state changes and recovers. And as a result, the body changes. Psychosomatics disappears. Appearance improves by an order of magnitude, weight comes back to normal the required form, the skin becomes clean, smooth, velvety. The natural smell - pheromones - changes.
In fact, it is not at all difficult for a woman to truly love herself using systemic knowledge. Many were able to realize this and began to live in a new way, as evidenced by reviews. The phrase “love yourself” has become not just a cliche, but truly lived and understood for them:
“...Now, when I hear the words “love yourself,” I understand that this is impossible unless you understand how your unconscious works, this whole mechanism...”
"...I think that the most main result training is that you understand your characteristics and accept them. You get rid of illusions and incorrect attitudes.
You will get to know yourself. You become wiser. They want to do business with you..."
I did not realize simple truths before, even though I had studied hundreds of books. It turns out that the conclusion suggests itself that the above question - how to love yourself - was initially interpreted by many of us, both women and men, completely incorrectly.
I believe that every woman who really, truly decides to understand this issue, which is ambiguously understood by society, will be able to both know and love herself. Such a woman, who has become the owner of the secret of building a new self, will undoubtedly meet her man for life in harmonious relationships with him. Because first of all, she will learn to respect another person, and through this, respect herself.
Do you want to be happy? Come to the free online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.
The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”