My husband himself told me about his mistress and her pregnancy, he is 45 years old, she is 18 years younger than him, I am 42, although I look 36. Because life problems, we moved to another city 4 years ago, to his parents, when 2 years passed he was offered Good work in the capital. I naturally agreed to let him go, and of course he met her. All this time I was with our son, he is 7 years old, I lived with his parents, 2 years passed and he moved us to the capital in a new one. apartment. And a couple of months later, he confesses to me about her and her pregnancy, and says that the choice is mine, although he always says that he will not leave his family, he loves me, by the way, he told her this too. I ask him if he loves her, and he replies that he has become attached to her (for me it doesn’t matter that he loves her). I can’t even cry to anyone, not my mom, not my friends, not anyone!!! We talked with him for long evenings, I had hysterics, then I calmed down, I tried to think sensibly. By the way, he loves children very much, and wants her to give birth. They even decided with him that she would be his second wife! Cool! I'm shocked! But for now I still suffer, because the wound is still deep!!! This one also makes him hysterical, but she is pregnant and has toxicosis!!! I’m trying to control myself, but I don’t know how long I’ll last! I love him a lot! And he turns out to love both me and her! Please advise me whether I agreed to a second wife correctly? How can I behave rationally in such a situation?
Kaydarova Asel Abdu-Alievna, psychologist Almaty
Good answer 2 Bad answer 0Hello, Elena! You and your husband are now going through one of the crises in family life. I will not evaluate or explain your husband’s actions, only you can decide what to do and how to continue to live. Any crisis is an overestimation life priorities, strengthening one and changing the other. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing in life for you right now? What kind of family Are values important to you? What awaits you in a few years? Think carefully, because this is your life! Do it as it should You are better.
TOevery person has the right to make mistakes, but only adult answers for their actions, and understands that you need to protect and value your loved ones. Weigh up the pros and cons and do it right choice. Good luck and strength of spirit!
WITH Sincerely, Zhanna Akhatbekovna.
Zinnatullina Zhanna Akhatbekovna, psychologist Almaty
Good answer 0 Bad answer 1 
Hello, Elena.
“Please advise me whether I agreed to a second wife correctly?” - Your question is a little confusing regarding why you need our opinion? How do you feel about this? You agreed, so did you do it for some reason? For what and for what? For love ? Or something different? Is this your own choice? Did you do it of your own free will? If it is yours, then why do you need someone else's opinion? What will he give you? Or what will an assessment of your behavior from the outside change for you?
“How can I behave rationally in such a situation?” - It would be interesting to understand whether it is reasonable in relation to what or who? Why behave wisely? What does it mean to you to behave intelligently? If I answer how to behave reasonably, then this will be my answer, and about what I understand by reasonable, but what is yours? You may not agree with me, but in my opinion, what is important is how you feel about this situation, what has happened in your life? What do you want for yourself? And why are you agreeing to what you have already agreed to? If you have the opportunity to consult a psychologist in person, and now it is advisable for you to enlist the support of loved ones, do not go through such a period of your life alone. I wish you peace of mind.
Sincerely, Elena.
Begunova Elena Leonidovna, psychologist Almaty
Good answer 2 Bad answer 1Pregnant lover. Sound familiar?
They lived happily ever after and then she appears, her mistress, but she doesn’t just appear, she lays claim to the man from whom she became pregnant. Common situation?
Situation - A man in a long marriage takes a mistress. After some time, she tells him that she is pregnant and nothing can be done.
What do you think a man should do in such a situation?
As always, we have two points of view - male and female.
Women's point of view
Imagine the situation - a husband, having lived with his wife for many years, got tired of the family routine and decided to add a little color to his personal life- He has a mistress. Naturally, an unfaithful spouse does not even think about leaving the family. He just needs an affair at a certain point in his life. There could be a lot of reasons for this, but that’s not what we’re talking about now.
And the fact that one fine day the mistress declares that she is pregnant, that the period no longer allows for an abortion, and in general, she is not going to get rid of their joint child. After all, now he will be able to divorce his old and boring wife, and the three of them, including the unborn child, will unite into a happy, strong family. That's what the mistress thinks.
An unfaithful husband thinks differently. Depending on his feelings for his mistress, he may have some seditious thoughts on the topic of a new marriage, and moreover, such a marriage is not excluded as a way out of the situation. Sometimes this happens. But most often this solution is wrong. After all, a man will be torn between two families, trying to make amends for his guilt both there and here. He will continue to run around in circles, like a circus pony, until he is struck down by some kind of heart attack.
What can be advised in this case?
There is no need to be executed and find out who is more to blame - his mistress, himself or his wife, but to understand that the child who is about to be born is the only participant in this story who is not to blame for anything. Just as his existing children are not to blame for anything. Therefore, a man is obliged to save his family.
But it would be a huge mistake on the part of a man to state that the birth of a child is entirely the initiative of his mistress and all concerns about the child are her personal problem. How will he look after this in the eyes of others, and, by the way, in the eyes of his own wife?
It would be fair if a man takes on part of the troubles and responsibilities of caring for the baby. You don't have to leave your family for this. But it’s not difficult to choose a time to pick up your child from kindergarten, take him for a walk on a day off, take him fishing, etc. Of course, the man will also have to help him financially, because a single mother will not be able to provide for the child properly.
A man must choose such words so that the baby’s mother gratefully accepts his help and does not interfere with communication with the child. You should not deprive him of the right to have a father. And the man’s task is to get out of difficult situation worthy.
Male point of view
Hmm, the situation is actually quite complicated: on the one hand, the beloved pregnant woman, and on the other, the family. In my opinion, events can unfold according to two scenarios:
1. The family has small children.
2. The family already has adult children.
Let's consider the first situation. If there are small children in the family, then, undoubtedly, I would stay with my wife. I would never persuade my mistress to have an abortion (I am an ardent opponent). Here, not only from a moral point of view it is impossible to do this, but also from a medical point of view. And there is no need to say that today's technology has come to this high level that the woman does not risk her own health. There is always a chance to remain infertile.
The best option, in my opinion, would be to raise a child from a mistress, any help, and so on, but at the same time remain in the family. Of course, this may not suit one of the women, but what’s done is already done and children cannot be deprived of their father’s care. Many will say that there is always not enough time and it is hard to split into two families. But remember that you have a weekend and why not spend it by organizing an event or just an interesting walk with all the children at once? I believe that children should be taught right away that it is theirs. brother or a sister, albeit from a different mother. There will be scandals and quarrels with mothers, but you need to endure this, remaining in this position, then living together will be taken for granted. This is my opinion about the current situation.
If there is practically no relationship with your wife and constant quarrels, then there is also an option to divorce her and start a family with his mistress. But, in my opinion, relationships with children should still develop as described above.
The second option is if the family already has adult children. Usually at this age family relationships supports only affection. But if I love my mistress, then, undoubtedly, I will begin to build a new family with her. Children are already adults and must understand; if they do not understand, then they need to try to explain that there is no other way out of this situation. In this situation, the main goal is to raise an unborn child.
What do you think?
© Avramchik Evgeniy
Extract from SanPiN 2.4.1.3049-13 "Sanitary epidemiological requirements to the design, maintenance and organization of the operating mode of preschool educational organizations "" approved by the Resolution of the Chief State Sanitary Doctor Russian Federation dated May 15, 2013 N 26 Moscow.
XI. Requirements for the admission of children to preschool educational organizations, daily routine and organization of the educational process
11.1. Admission of children entering preschool educational organizations for the first time is carried out on the basis of a medical report.
11.2. Daily morning reception children are carried out by teachers and (or) medical workers who interview parents about their children’s health status. According to indications (in the presence of catarrhal phenomena, signs of intoxication), the child is subjected to thermometry.
Identified sick children or children with suspected illness are not accepted into preschool educational organizations; Children who fall ill during the day are isolated from healthy children (temporarily placed in the premises of the medical unit) until the parents arrive or are hospitalized in a treatment and prevention organization with the parents informed.
11.3. After past illness, as well as absence for more than 5 days (excluding weekends and holidays) children are admitted to preschool educational organizations only if they have a certificate indicating the diagnosis, duration of the disease, and information about the lack of contact with infectious patients.
11.4. The daily routine should correspond to the age characteristics of children and contribute to their harmonious development. The maximum duration of continuous wakefulness for children 3 - 7 years old is 5.5-6 hours, up to 3 years - in accordance with medical recommendations.
11.5. The recommended duration of daily walks is 3-4 hours. The duration of the walk is determined by the preschool educational organization depending on climatic conditions. When the air temperature is below minus 15 C and the wind speed is more than 7 m/s, it is recommended to reduce the duration of the walk.
11.7. When organizing the stay of children in preschool educational organizations(in groups) for more than 5 hours, meals are organized at intervals of 3-4 hours and naps during the day; When organizing a stay for children up to 5 hours, a single meal is organized.
Total duration of daily sleep for children preschool age 12 - 12.5 hours, of which 2 - 2.5 hours are allocated for daytime sleep. For children from 1 to 1.5 years of age, daytime naps are organized twice in the first and second half of the day. total duration up to 3.5 hours. It is optimal to organize daytime sleep outdoors (veranda). For children from 1.5 to 3 years old, daytime sleep is organized once for at least 3 hours. Before going to bed, it is not recommended to conduct active emotional games or hardening procedures. When children sleep, the presence of a teacher (or his assistant) in the bedroom is mandatory.
11.8. On independent activity children 3-7 years old (games, preparation for educational activities, personal hygiene) should be allocated at least 3-4 hours in the daily routine.
11.9. For children early age from 1.5 to 3 years, the duration of continuous direct educational activity should not exceed 10 minutes. It is allowed to carry out educational activities in the first and second half of the day (8-10 minutes each). It is allowed to carry out educational activities on the playground during a walk.
11.10. The duration of continuous direct educational activity for children from 3 to 4 years old is no more than 15 minutes, for children from 4 to 5 years old - no more than 20 minutes, for children from 5 to 6 years old - no more than 25 minutes, and for children from 6 to 7 years - no more than 30 minutes.
11.11. The maximum permissible amount of educational load in the first half of the day in the junior and middle groups does not exceed 30 and 40 minutes, respectively, and in senior and preparatory classes - 45 minutes and 1.5 hours, respectively. In the middle of the time allotted for continuous educational activities, physical education minutes are spent. Breaks between periods of continuous educational activity are at least 10 minutes.
11.12. Educational activities with children of senior preschool age can be carried out in the afternoon after naps. Its duration should be no more than 25 - 30 minutes a day. In the middle of direct educational activities of a static nature, physical education minutes are held.
11.13. Educational activities, requiring increased cognitive activity And mental stress children should be organized in the first half of the day. To prevent fatigue in children, it is recommended I carry out physical education, music lessons, rhythm, etc.
Observations of doctors and teachers have shown that the performance and fatigue of students depend on the nature of the construction school regime, duration school day, lessons, systems for scheduling and alternating subjects, organizing breaks, etc. In this regard, the basic hygienic principles and requirements for organizing the education of children and adolescents in educational institutions were enshrined in the corresponding section of SanPiN 2.4.2.2821-10 “Sanitary and epidemiological requirements for the conditions and organization of training in educational institutions.”
A rational daily routine that corresponds to the age characteristics of children allows you to alternate different kinds activities, ensure optimal motor mode, including on outdoors, good rest, sufficient sleep duration, which contributes to the normal growth and development of children
The main criterion of psycho hygienic assessment study load- this is its correspondence to the functional capabilities of the students’ body at each age stage.
Start of the lesson school week, quarter or year should be easier, since the student’s labor productivity during this period is reduced. In the middle of the school week, quarter and year, the largest volume of academic workload, elective classes, circle work and etc.
Classes should begin no earlier than 8 o'clock. Zero lessons are not allowed. Training of 1st, 5th, final 9th and 11th grades, compensatory education classes, in institutions with in-depth study individual items, lyceums and gymnasiums, training is carried out only in the first shift.
Basic hygienic requirements for scheduling lessons:
1) alternation different types activities;
2) distribution educational subjects in accordance with daily and weekly performance dynamics.
Hygienic requirements for scheduling lessons at school come down to the obligation to take into account the dynamics of change physiological functions and student performance throughout the school day and week. As one of possible ways For lesson assessments, it is recommended to use ranking scales for the difficulty of subjects. Subject difficulty scales are used for hygienic assessment of the school schedule. In this case, the sum of points is calculated by day of the week in individual classes. School schedule is assessed positively if the greatest increase in the teaching load occurs on Tuesday and (or) Wednesday. On these days, the lesson schedule includes subjects corresponding to highest score on a difficulty scale or with an average score and lowest score on the scale of difficulty, but in more than on other days of the week. The school schedule is assessed as “irrational” when the largest amount points on Monday or Saturday, as well as when uniform distribution loads in a weekly cycle.
Maximum permissible weekly load in academic hours with a 6-day week, in grades 2-4 there should be no more than 26 hours, in grades 5 - 32, in grades 6 - 33, in grades 7 - 35, in grades 8-9 - 36, in 10-11 grades – 37 hours. The maximum permissible weekly load in academic hours with a 5-day week in 1st grades is no more than 21, in 2-4 grades - 23, in 5th grades - 29, in 6th grades - 30, in 7th grades in grades - 32, in grades 8-9 - 33, in grades 10-11 - 34 hours. Schedules for compulsory and elective classes are compiled separately. Optional days should be planned on days from the smallest number compulsory lessons. Between the start of extracurricular activities and last lesson It is recommended to take a break of at least 45 minutes.
To satisfy biological need in motion, regardless of the age of students, it is recommended to conduct at least three lessons physical culture per week, provided for in the maximum allowable amount weekly load.
Essential in scientific organization educational process has regulation of changes, primarily their duration. Changes of less than 10 minutes at school are not allowed, since for such a short time the child cannot rest. Long breaks after the second and third lessons, i.e. in the middle of the school day, are intended to prevent the rapid increase in the onset of fatigue and to ensure sufficient time for students to eat.
The main lesson duration is 45 minutes. If for middle school students, and especially high school students, this lesson duration is optimal, then for elementary school students it is maximum. For 1st grade students, the lesson must end in 35 minutes. In order to prevent fatigue, disorders of posture and vision of students, physical education and eye gymnastics are conducted in lessons.
It is not recommended to conduct double lessons. The exception is labor lessons, physical education classes in winter time. IN primary school Double lessons are prohibited.
Used in educational process technical means training - TSO (television, video, film and filmstrips, sound recordings) relieve monotony regular lesson, add emotionality to classes and help improve students’ performance and performance. However, the use of TSO creates an increased load on the central nervous system, especially on the visual and auditory analyzers, increase the static load. Due to this maximum time watching films in lessons in grades 1-4 is 15-20 minutes, in grades 5-7 - 20-25 minutes, in grades 8-11 - 25-30 minutes.
Homework is an important link independent work in the learning process. This work should be carried out after lunch and sufficient rest and coincide in time with an increase in the intensity of the functional activity of all body systems. For students of the second shift, it is more advisable to prepare their homework after morning breakfast. Increasing the duration of home training sessions may be due not only to the volume of tasks, but also to the lack of stable skills among schoolchildren in the rational organization of their work. It is advisable to always start preparing lessons at the same hours. At the same time, the school stereotype must be preserved: after 35-45 minutes of classes, a short break is needed. When doing home exercises for more than 2 hours, longer rest in the open air is necessary, which helps to increase performance.
Important component daily routine - sufficient sleep, at least 9-10 hours a day. For junior schoolchildren It is also necessary to organize daytime sleep. With intense mental (during exams) and physical (during sports and competitions) activity, in the autumn-spring period, the child’s need for sleep increases by 1-2 hours. A child with weakened nervous system also needs more sleep.
Modern children experience enormous stress at school. New items, intensive school program, extracurricular activities, Olympiads, which are introduced from the 1st grade, all this can negatively affect the child’s health. Non-compliance with the age-related daily regimen, discrepancy in mental load individual characteristics child, improper organization of activities leads to weakening of the body and overwork.
Nurturing useful skills and habits is especially important V preschool period child's life. At this age in the cortex cerebral hemispheres brain, new temporary nerve connections are easily formed, called conditioned reflexes, which are then consolidated and often remain for life in the form of skills and habits.
Accustoming children to a certain regime, to perform hygiene requirements, we create in them skills that are useful for the body and thereby preserve their health.
A rigid daily routine established in accordance with age characteristics children is one of essential conditions normal physical development child.
It has long been known - everyone has experienced this for themselves - that the need for food, sleep, activity and rest appears at certain hours if a person is accustomed to eating, sleeping, working at a set time. It is clear that food is better absorbed if the secretion of digestive juices begins even before it enters the mouth, that sleep will come faster and rest will be more complete if a person is “tired to sleep” at the usual hour.
The main requirement for the mode is accuracy in time and correct alternation, replacement of one type of activity by another.
There must be a set time when the child goes to bed, gets up, eats, walks, and performs simple, feasible duties. This time must be strictly observed. It happens that parents, “sorrying” the child, allow him to either go to bed later, or get up at the wrong time, or stay at home during the walking hours. Such violations of the established routine do not pass without leaving a trace: they affect the child’s sleep, his appetite, and general well-being. The child begins to become nervous and capricious, to the chagrin of his parents, who do not understand the reasons for his behavior.
The schedule may vary somewhat depending on the season and family routine. But several general rules must always be respected. These rules relate mainly to the organization of sleep, nutrition, and walks.
Dream. Only during sleep does the child receive complete rest. Sleep should be long enough: children 3-4 years old sleep 14 hours a day, 5-6 years old - 13 hours, 7-8 years old - 12 hours. Of this time, it is necessary, especially for younger children, to allocate an hour and a half for daytime sleep.
But it's not just about the number of hours of sleep. Children should go to bed on time, no later than 8-9 pm. If a child sleeps in a common room, adults have to limit themselves somewhat at this time, since bright light, excessively loud or disturbing conversations for a child naturally prevent him from falling asleep immediately, and then, due to overexcitation, sleep comes with great difficulty.
Excessively noisy games just before bedtime and stories told to him at night also excite the child. scary tales. On the contrary, getting ready for bed has a calming effect - everything that a child must do every day: cleaning up toys, washing, undressing, etc.
Children's sleep should proceed in hygienic conditions(separate bed, not too soft bed, clean, cool air in the room); Before going to bed, the room must be ventilated. You should not be afraid to keep the window open when the child is sleeping, even in winter, if he is warmly covered.
Nutrition. A child, just like an adult, needs food as a source of energy necessary for basic life processes in the body, to maintain thermal balance, for movement, for work. IN childhood Additional energy costs associated with the growth and development of the child’s body are also required. How younger child, the faster it grows.
Children should receive all the necessary substances in their food: complete proteins (there are especially many of them in meat, fish, eggs, and dairy products), fats - mainly in the form of butter, carbohydrates contained in flour, cereals, sugar, potatoes, in various vegetables and fruits.
Vitamins are especially important for normal growth and development of children - there are many of them in cabbage, carrots, tomatoes, black currants, oranges, lemons and other vegetables, berries and fruits, as well as in butter, eggs, milk and fish oil.
When setting your diet, you need to remember the following. Children receive food 4-5 times a day. The first meal is given half an hour later, in any case no later than an hour after the child wakes up, and the last one is given an hour and a half before bedtime. Between meals, intervals of 3-4 hours should be established, they must be strictly observed.
The most nutritious food is given at lunch, less nutritious food is given during morning breakfast and dinner, and the lightest food is given at midday and for second breakfast, if the child eats 5 times a day.
Here is a sample menu and meal plan for a preschooler.
The first breakfast is two courses. In addition to a glass of liquid (tea with milk, milk, coffee), some hot dish should be given for breakfast: porridge, potatoes, pasta, scrambled eggs, minced herring, as well as vegetables or fruits, berries.
If, according to living conditions in the family, a common lunch is prepared for 3-4 o'clock, children should be given a second breakfast (2 1/2-3 hours after the first), which is lighter.
There is no need to prepare a special lunch for preschool children - they can basically eat what adults eat, as long as it is not too heavy, fatty or spicy food, seasoned with pepper, mustard, vinegar.
The child's lunch should consist of three courses; on the third, you should give fresh fruit or jelly, compote.
In the intervals between lunch and dinner - a light afternoon snack: tea or milk, a bun with butter, with honey, cookies, fruit.
Dinner - two courses: for example, a casserole of porridge (vegetables, pasta), cottage cheese, cheesecakes, potato cutlets, etc. and a glass of milk, yogurt.
Walk. No matter how accurately the time of sleep and food is observed, the regime cannot be considered correct if it does not include time for a walk. The more time children spend outdoors, the healthier they are. IN rural areas, where the life of children in the spring and summer usually takes place entirely in the air, they compare favorably with those in cities both in terms of their good health and appearance: rosy, tanned, always on the move, they are not afraid of the sun, they do not catch a cold after getting wet in the rain. We must strive to ensure that children living in urban areas are also exposed to the air as much as possible.
In autumn and winter, children should be outdoors for at least 4 hours. Best time for walks with children - between breakfast and lunch (2-2 1/2 hours) and after naps, before dinner (1 1/2-2 hours). IN very coldy The duration of walks is slightly reduced.
The reason for canceling the walk was for healthy child There may be exceptional circumstances: heavy rain, severe frost with strong winds.
Based on the experience of kindergartens, it has been established that children of preschool age, accustomed to daily walks, can walk even at a temperature of 20-25° below zero, if not strong wind and if they are dressed appropriately for the weather.
Children should go for a walk on cold winter days in a warm coat, a hat with headphones, felt boots and warm mittens or gloves. In the north, where the climate is harsher, children must be taught to walk even at lower temperatures: it is important that the child gets used to the climate in which he lives.
Depending on the conditions, children can walk in the area of their home or outside it. In the first case, you should make sure that there is a place in the yard where they can play quietly. The area intended for games must be swept and watered in the summer to avoid dust, and cleared of snow in the winter. If the yard, as often happens in big cities, not suitable for children to play, you need to choose a place closer to home for daily walks: a square, a boulevard, a park.
From time to time, it is useful to take longer walks with children, gradually increasing the distance - for younger ones up to 15-20 minutes of walking, for older ones - up to 30 minutes, with short stops of 1-2 minutes along the way.
Having arrived at the place, children should rest or play quietly before returning back.