People cannot live without a sense of involvement in the life of another person. We all need to feel loved and needed. Everyone wants to be taken care of and shown sincere attention. Affection is one of the forms of manifestation of love. Everyone knows that a feeling of well-being is born from the unconscious need to be needed by someone.
This article discusses the origins of attachment. May be, this material will help someone understand difficult relationships with a spouse, child, parents and make the right decision.
Definition of the concept
Attachment is the need for another person's love. How often do we begin to not only expect such manifestations of feelings in our direction, but even become offended and angry when attention is not focused on our person. These are the fears of an insecure person who does not know his worth. Attachment to a person, in essence, reflects our own attitude towards ourselves and life in general. It is noticed that what more people loves himself, the less he feels the need for other people. That is, strong attachment is always synonymous with personal distress, lack of confidence in one’s strengths and capabilities.
How is this feeling formed?
The origins of any manifestations of trouble should always be sought in childhood. If an adult suffers excessively without the presence of a spouse or child in their life, and is afraid to be separated from their parents, this means that there is some problem. Perhaps when he was a child, his parents did not pay enough attention to him. And now he is trying to compensate for this dislike, trying to be needed by everyone he can: his other half, his own child. But such an omission cannot be corrected over time: everything must be done on time, and love too. It is very important to go through all the stages of love gradually, so as not to confuse the relationship later, not to add unnecessary insults and misunderstandings.
Painful focus on someone interferes with development, the formation of prospects for the future, and prevents personal growth. Attachment to a person sometimes infringes own interests, forces you to look for ways to maintain relationships. There is no need to get too attached; you need to have some personal space: live on your own and allow others to build their destiny at their own discretion.
Bowlby's attachment theory
A British scientist identified 4 types of predisposition to the development of the inability to live without another person. John Bowlby mainly looked at the relationship between mother and child, but this model also makes sense to consider in the light of the interaction of adults with each other. He called the first type of attachment secure. Its essence is as follows: in a relationship, reasonable boundaries have been reached between the adult and the needs of the child. The parent does not infringe on the personality of his child in any way, he allows him to grow fully, receive necessary knowledge. I must say that this one is the most constructive of all, since it does not hinder development or make one suffer.
Anxious-avoidant behavior demonstrates the child’s dependence on the parent, creates deep feelings in the event of separation from him, the impossibility of even a short time to be alone. Emotional attachment is very strong. Because the parent shows few emotions, the child is afraid to express out loud own feelings, there is a fear of intimacy. As they grow older, such children experience significant difficulties in building personal relationships and because they constantly feel that others are not interested in them, which leads to doubts about their importance.
The ambivalent-resistance position is manifested by a great fear of the unknown. A person puts obstacles for himself on the path of self-knowledge and self-improvement. Uncertainty and shyness are a consequence of childhood upbringing, when parents did not recognize the child’s obvious merits and did not praise him for his courage, so he became extremely shy.
The disorganization-controlled position includes all of the above manifestations and is characterized by inconsistency of actions, frequent mistakes, lack of recognition of one’s worth, fear, Bowlby’s Attachment Theory demonstrates the origin of such a phenomenon as painful psychological dependence on another person. Such relationships always destroy feelings.
Affection or love?
When does love become addiction? Where is the line separating true relationships from those that force a person to act as a beggar? Understanding this issue is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.
The most difficult of all are human relations. Attachments, whatever they may be, sometimes bring great suffering.
A lover constantly needs his partner to assure him of his boundless love, to demonstrate endless tenderness and fidelity. If this does not happen, doubts, suspicions, unfounded accusations, and jealousy begin. This happens only because a person is extremely unsure of himself and somewhere deep down in his soul doubts that he can be loved at all. True feeling is free from demands, arrogant talk and fear. Love wants to give itself, to manifest itself in endless care for a loved one and does not require anything in return.
How to recognize an unhealthy relationship?
Painful attachment is always a limited self-perception. It seems to people that they are not loved, but in fact they themselves do not show interest in themselves, do not take advantage of opportunities that could benefit them, lead them to new level development. A person experiencing a state of acute attachment does not value himself as a person. That’s why he needs someone else to compensate for his own drama in this love.
It turns out vicious circle. The phrase “I can’t live without you” is often used. In this case, you always want to ask: “How did you live before meeting your loved one? Did they really vegetate, endure hunger and cold?” Even if you owe something to a specific person, then you need to learn to live independently so as not to feel like a slave all your life.
Negative consequences
We have already figured out how excessive attachment can interfere with personal growth. Negative phenomena like self-doubt and low self-esteem are inevitable consequences. And what is the result? The individual gets lost in the flow of his own fears, and at some point it simply becomes impossible for him to move forward. And it all starts with self-dislike. If a person is able to think about his well-being and engage in self-education, then his life changes for the better.
How to overcome unrequited love?
This fate most often befalls those who have not learned to value their own personality. It’s as if these people are being given a test, as a result of which they must regain their lost individuality and learn to understand what is important to them.
Many unhappy lovers are interested in how to get rid of attachment, which only causes suffering? Advice will not help here; you must definitely go through the all-encompassing pain that literally tears your heart in half. When the tears dry up, people come to the realization that they didn’t really love, but it seemed so to them, because there was nothing to fill life without this drama. All you need to do is find yourself new meaning existence.
Why is it so important to love yourself?
Adequate perception self- the key to success in any endeavor. Self-love has many benefits and, above all, is powerful. inner rod. Then, no matter what happens, the person will know that any problems can be solved, there is no global catastrophe, which could not be corrected. A person only becomes truly free when he is able to take responsibility for everything that happens to him.
Thus, painful attachment to other people - this is not an indicator at all strong love to them, but a consequence of a serious shortcoming, an omission in the formation of one’s own personality. To live happily, you need to be independent, find inner freedom. And only then does it become possible to truly love.
When a person experiences pain and suffering due to the absence of the object of his attachment, it means that a painful attachment has taken root in his psyche.
Affection is characteristic of a child, and love is characteristic of a mature person.
Most people, one way or another, become attached to their loved ones and friends, to animals, to their place of work, to their place of residence, to a car... Having become attached to someone or something, we are afraid of losing the object of our attachment.
Binding, attachment... These words are associated with the action of binding, with binding and connection. What is this? Lack of freedom and fetters of habit? Or is it still love? How does affection manifest itself in a relationship? How is it related to addiction?
This is what I want to talk about in my article.
Characteristics of Attachment
Affection has to do with closeness, devotion, sympathy. Its basis is emotions and habits. And it takes time to form - it is impossible to become attached to someone at first sight. In its development it goes through certain stages.
How is attachment formed? Here we can talk about two sides of the coin: in this connection there is always the one who is attached and the one to whom they are attached.
To bind another person, you need to become necessary for him. How to do this? Well, for example, if you solve all his difficulties, fulfill his desires, quietly (and maybe without hiding it) fence him off from the world and other people.
In this case, the attached party becomes weak, helpless and dependent on its benefactor.
There are many types of attachments in life. When people get used to comfort and technology: to mobile communications, social networks, computer, TV, beautiful clothes, certain furniture, etc. And at the same time, a person suffers if his favorite things or “advanced toys” suddenly disappear from his life.
People become attached and attached to their relatives, loved ones, friends, partners - these are friendly and loving attachments.
A person can get used to certain living conditions and other household amenities. So, for example, some women are ready to live with an unloved person and sometimes rude husband only because it is impossible to refuse to live in a good apartment or big house. These are the so-called worldly attachments.
Emotionally, attachment is expressed as the desire to possess someone or something. For example, to be one with your partner, to see him as a source of help and a feeling of security.
Do these aspirations remind you of anything?
Yes, these are the needs of a small child addressed to the mother. And psychologists say the following about this: as the child grows up, you need to learn to distinguish between his attachment to his mother and his love for her. And the older the children are, the more love should prevail in their souls over attachment.
That is, affection is inherent in a child, and love is inherent in a mature person.
Love and affection: differences
A person attached to someone cannot do without the object of his obsessive interest. He needs another.
Affection is expressed by phrases like: “I love you so much that I can’t imagine life without you.” This is not in love, because this feeling is characteristic mature people who do not make their lives dependent on their partner. Such a person will say: “I feel bad without you, but I won’t be lost.”
And to which psychological age Are you compatible in relationships?
In life, it is very easy to confuse love and affection, and, in addition, both of these manifestations can be present in a person’s soul at the same time.
How to distinguish love from affection?
When we depend on someone, then we're afraid lose this person. Therefore, we take care of him and fulfill his wishes only out of fear of being left alone. This kind of love is “forced”.
In this case, the boundaries between our needs and the needs of others are blurred. A person merges with the thoughts and life of a partner, losing himself.
When experiencing love, people do something for their loved ones because they like it and it brings pleasure.
Attachment goes side by side with constant suffering, with forcing oneself to take care of the object of dependence. And a person can even perceive and present his sacrifices and sufferings as his virtues.
Childhood Roots of Attachment
When should affection in a child’s soul begin to flow into love?
At three years old, the child first declares his sense of independence, separation from his parents and tries to defend his rights and desires, his “I”. He begins to show character. At this moment, it is very important that parents respect his needs, boundaries, his personality. Then the baby will develop a healthy self-image and adequate self-esteem. And it is at this stage that the child moves to a new level of relationship, where affection is reborn into love. During this same period, his dependence on his parents also weakens.
The child develops a perception of relationships with another person as “I” and “You”. At this age, the mother should delicately explain to the baby that she has her own life, her own affairs and interests, and this is normal.
At the same time, it is important to protect your child’s personal space from gross intrusions, pressure, commands and instructions on what and how to do. During this period, they are formed personal boundaries the child, his sense of self and perception of other people. The healthy or, conversely, painful and traumatic passage of this stage affects the entire later life person!!! On his ability to build mature relationships and love.
Types of attachment in relationships
There are two main types of psychological attachment.
Attachment-provocation
It manifests itself as a constant withdrawal of attention from another. If it is not possible to receive a dose of positive attention, the person begins to provoke anger and irritation in the object.
This kind of attachment usually affects people who grew up in an atmosphere of overprotection or, on the contrary, pronounced neglect.
Affection-wave
This type of attachment is accompanied by constant sharp changes in mood and behavior. A person's relationship with another is like the swaying of waves in the sea: when the wave rises, the partner is adored and extolled, and when the wave subsides, he is rejected and avoided. At the same time, there is never a smooth surface of water: there are no compromises in such relationships, and jumps in emotional changes become more frequent and intensified. The person himself cannot explain the reasons for the appearance of his internal emotional turns and suffers from this.
People with this type addictive behavior were brought up in families in which the father and mother had inconsistent, hysterical natures. They either praised and caressed the child, or pushed him away from them, scolded him, beat him, without explaining the reasons for what was happening. And the baby did not understand their behavior and could not adapt to them.
Painful attachment
When a person experiences pain and suffering due to the absence of the object of his attachment, it means that a painful attachment has taken root in his psyche. If at the same time he completely loses his freedom, then this is already a manifestation of dependence. Vivid examples such a state - bad habits: alcoholism, drug addiction, gluttony.
- this is Velcro in the human soul. And if the glue firmly glues its bearer to the object of desire and any attempts to “tear” them away from each other cause unbearable pain and inflict wounds on the soul, this is already addiction.
Painful attachments often replace love for couples. When people cannot truly love, these attachments give them a feeling of confidence and security. And it should be noted that attachment in this case indicates not so much a lack of love in the soul, but rather a loss of the meaning of life and interest in it.
And, of course, all this suggests that the period of formation of independence and letting go of attachments was passed by a person with complications. And the parents are not always so to blame for what happened - after all, they were treated the same way, and later no one taught them the rules of raising children.
Such an example. Babies want their mother to always be near them. And mothers, in turn, often perceive the child as a favorite toy.
When the mother leaves the room, the son shouts at her to come back because he feels bad without her. And she runs to her child, who is so happy about her return. But over time, games turn into manipulations. And the son learns the following behavior pattern: you want him to close person was with you - suffer. And he gets used to using suffering for his own purposes, he becomes capricious and whines. And mom struggles with him with all her might. And at the same time both are attached to each other.
So remember the crisis three years old. Until the age of three, envelop your child with your love without any restrictions. But after three years, begin to build your child’s personal boundaries, showing respect for his interests and independence.
Affectionate people
To avoid suffering from unhealthy attachment relationships, watch your potential partners before the conclusion of the alliance. Try to communicate with mentally balanced people who do not revel in suffering and can control their attachments.
People with a healthy mental organization usually remain in good mood, have a sense of humor, act, and do not fall into fruitless experiences.
Of course, when people meet and just start living together - this is the first 1-2 years - they merge into one for some time. But then comes a stage when you need to remember again about your hobbies, affairs, and friends. It is necessary that the partners each live their own lives again, without being confined to the small world of two. We need to let the world into this common space.
But what if your partner suffers from painful attachment?
First of all, forget about the feelings of pity and guilt. Of course, the situation is not easy. An affectionate partner will cling to you and pester you with requests and calls until the last moment. But, you see, you cannot help another by feeling sorry for him.
His soul is sick. And he can only heal her himself. And parting is precisely the lesson that is so necessary for him, although it is very painful. He must accept the pain of parting, transform his unconscious, and grow up internally.
Or he will start looking new object attachments. But everyone chooses their own path.
To avoid unnecessary and unnecessary suffering when breaking up with an affectionate person, avoid any contact with him. If necessary, change your phone number. Conversations and long showdowns will not lead both of you to constructive results, but will only prolong unpleasant experiences.
If in this situation, the person suffering from sick attachment is yourself, then the best way out there will be a 6-month program: where you can go difficult path liberation of your soul.
Best wishes,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
Attachment to a person is a feeling that arises as a result of strong sympathy or love and devotion to a certain person, and accompanied by the presence of intimacy and the desire to maintain it. However, this state of affairs is not always positive, because a strong attachment to a person can replace love or arise even without its presence, and then this clinginess acts as a painful dependence and a pathology of personality development.
What is attachment
The mechanism of attachment development initially determines human survival, since without the help of adults, a human baby is not capable of survival. To maintain these relationships and provide oneself with appropriate living conditions, attachment is formed to parental figures who ensure physical survival, emotional development, knowledge of this world. Further, becoming more and more immersed in society, attachments are formed to teachers (if he attends a kindergarten), and then to other adults, then children. Forming such attachments to those closest to the environment can be safe when there is an emotional connection, the parent listens to the child, and an environment is created that promotes confidence and adaptability in personality formation).
But there are not so pleasant development options, one of which is avoidant, and occurs if there is emotional neglect on the part of the parent to the needs of the child, and the behavior and availability of the parent turns out to be unpredictable, then the child grows up annoying, focused on external assessment and devalues close relationships. The most destructive form of primary attachment is disorganizing, when the child is constantly suppressed or intimidated, which leads to inaction or great difficulties in establishing contacts.
It was revealed that people who had difficulties in forming attachment are no longer capable of establishing open relationships, they do not form a heartfelt attachment, which indicates violations and can lead to antisocial behavior.
A feeling of attachment accompanies every person, is expressed towards places, objects, food and people, a certain course of events and specific relationships - everything that a person gets used to and that brings him joy can be called attachment, but it is different from need. It is possible to live without attachments, but with them it is more comfortable, more joyful, not so scary (depending on what the attachment is to and on the basis of which it was formed, such sensations complement), but it is either impossible to live without needs at all, or it is difficult and affects the health and general tone.
Attachment to people can be in all types of relationships - love, friendship, parenthood, and in any of the options, the basis is the desire for intimacy with the object. Some of these bindings are quite strong influence for further personality formation. So, depending on how the attachment with the mother is formed, relationships with the entire society will be formed, basic trust will be present or absent, and certain relationships will be laid. The way the first heartfelt attachment is formed influences all subsequent intersexual relationships, the scenarios played out by a person, the ability to open up and trust. If traumatization occurs at these two levels, then the consequences are reflected on the entire person, and to avoid destructive influence on further move the life of not only the person himself, but the people he meets, often becomes possible only with the help of a psychotherapist.
A strong attachment to a person that acquires pathological characteristics is called dependence and usually occurs when there are already existing disturbances in the formation of attachments, or in the presence of facts of emotional or physical abuse.
A healthy attachment is characterized by flexibility, the absence of any benefit, and the absence of painful and negative feelings in the absence of an attachment figure. Those. a person is able to calmly experience separation, endure the unknown location and occupation of the person to whom he is attached, and the option of ending this relationship causes sadness, but not a critical level, pain and a feeling of the meaninglessness of life.
With a healthy attachment, there is a flexible personality adaptation that allows both participants in communication to breathe freely, giving resources to rely on and notice other areas of their life. With a painful addiction, such flexibility is lost, and the world narrows down to one person, the variability of behavior disappears, it becomes extremely important to constantly be near or control the object of sympathy, while other areas of life, including both partners, suffer significantly. An important marker of a painful relationship is the feeling of pain, fear and manic desire by any means possible to prevent separation, even if the relationship does not bring happiness, even if the partner wants to leave.
Attachment does not arise overnight; it takes time to form, therefore, the more you communicate with a person, and the more emotional interaction and significant mental life events, the more likely attachment is to arise. A super-strong attachment is characterized by intense passions, which often makes it similar to love, but the differences are that painful attachment fetters, while love liberates. It is in order not to lose their freedom that many try to avoid attachments and close relationships, thereby ending up in a counter-dependent position, where there is also no freedom, since there is only one choice - not to become attached.
Is attachment to a person good or bad?
Attachment affects several areas simultaneously human manifestation– feelings, thoughts, actions, self-perception. For such multifaceted concept there cannot be one answer in its assessment from the side of good and evil. Without attachment to another person, formation is not possible. social communication, adaptability in society and providing oneself with mental comfort. If there is no attachment to parents, then the entire course of personality development is disrupted, just as if there are disturbances in the formation of attachment to others important stages. Being social being, the presence of the ability to maintain contacts, the desire for rapprochement are indicators of a person’s mental integrity.
Attachment to another gives a feeling of support and security, thus you can get the necessary support if internal resources not enough. People become attached to those from whom they can receive approval and help, non-judgmental acceptance, satisfaction existing needs. And providing a good relationship with the environment, which is important for successful survival in the world, attachment reflects a somewhat childish model of interaction with the world. If you look at all the expectations from the object of attachment, they are addressed to the parental figure, on whom the child, one way or another, is dependent. In adulthood, any attachment carries a certain amount of dependence, and only the level of maturity of a person can regulate Negative consequences this. If autonomous mental regulation is not formed, then any attachment will quickly develop into dependence, and instead of receiving support, the need for control will flare up, instead of the desire to have a mental and good time together, with benefit and emotional resources for both, the fear of loss and the desire to chain the other next to you will begin to appear.
The theme of addiction about the loss of flexibility in attachment, the deprivation of freedom of both the person himself and the one to whom he is attached is similar to drug addiction. Analogy with drug addiction is the most successful, since during a long absence of another person (a subjectively long absence may seem like a day), when there is no way to find out the location of the object and receive a dose of attention from him (for example, when the entire mobile operator network is turned off), a state begins that reflects drug withdrawal. The emotional pain of losing or the possibility of losing an object is felt physically and does not allow you to fully exist.
If you manage not to slip into an infantile position of dependence, then attachment takes on an adult and mature form of its existence, manifesting itself as love, where there is a full-fledged observation of all aspects of your life, no tearing pain occurs when the object moves away, and the object of attachment itself is used not only for the purpose of getting something emotionally valuable for yourself, but more for energy exchange and caring for another. Thus, everything depends on the maturity of the individual and the degree of flexibility of this feeling.
How to get rid of attachment to a person
Usually, attachment is formed when you receive your need from another, most often this internal forces, calmness or cheerfulness. So it’s worth learning to develop these states yourself, becoming an autonomous station of emotions for yourself. Sports, yoga, various spiritual practices and psychological groups. Create sources of happiness for yourself everywhere, because by expecting joy only from the presence of one person, you yourself form a toxic attachment and drive yourself into a dead end. Sitting within four walls in the blues, waiting for your soulmate to be free, and only then allowing yourself to be happy is the right road to addiction and destruction of your relationship.
It makes sense to get rid of attachment when it begins to destroy your life and you should start by returning what was lost. Usually, the first thing that fades into the background, giving way to a person, is your favorite things and activities, so remember what brought you joy, or better yet, look again for activities that you could do while immersing yourself in the process. Besides interesting activities, start expanding your social circle - call old friends you forgot about while immersed in your affections, go to an event and meet new people. Expand your social circle, then you can receive the emotional benefits that you receive only in those relationships from everywhere, and most likely more easily and positively.
Attachment to a person remains psychological problem, therefore, when you feel a craving for your object, think about what exactly is missing right now (other loved ones can give you a feeling of security, you can get a feeling of being beautiful in stores from sellers, you can even get spiritual warmth). Usually, with such an analysis, some kind of emptiness emerges, only you can fill it, be it boredom or, because no matter how much you plug your own holes with others, they do not disappear.
Eleanor BrikAttachment is Strange feeling the need to communicate with a person with whom there is no love, mutually beneficial or material relationship. On the one hand, it will seem that there is nothing negative about attachment to a person, but on the other hand, the desire to see and hear the object of dependence can develop into a real obsession.
The problem is that attachment is a form of destructive dependence on external circumstances.
How does attachment arise?
Attachment has a normal and obsessive form. In normal addiction, an emotional connection occurs in right moment, but as soon as it passes, the need for a person disappears. When the absence of a person causes emotional distress, it is quite possible that attachment has acquired an obsessive, unhealthy appearance. 
Neurotic attachment - . This is a kind of withdrawal, but not at the physiological level, but at a subtle – spiritual level. Dependence on a person deprives you of freedom, prevents you from living happily and interferes with emotional peace.
Initially, addiction takes the form of a habit. This is the result of long-term contact, communication, meetings and a feeling of closeness. When large-scale experiences tend to be repeated, addiction develops. If strangers communicate, date, spend time or live together, over time the relationship will inevitably lead to dependence and attraction.
Attachment is a type of emotional support from another person to improve one’s own condition.
How to get rid of attachment?
like this psychological dependence Time doesn't heal. A person attached to anyone does not perceive life adequately and acts irrationally. If the addiction arose due to love relationship, then getting rid of it is not so easy. This is explained by the fact that love is a strong experience, “the highest pleasure.” This is why difficulties arise. A person subconsciously does not want to give up this feeling. And who would refuse? Especially if the relationship ended recently, the memories are fresh, and the loss is unusual. 
How to get rid of neurotic attachment? The algorithm is like this:
Focus on current events. As soon as an attraction to the object of addiction arises, at the same moment turn your thoughts and attention to what is happening at the present time. Enjoying life here and now is the most important thing for achieving harmony with the world and your own self. The skill of shifting attention to this moment life will get rid of most problems. At the moment of digging through your memory, you are living in a past that no longer exists. Calculating what will happen in 10 years - in the future, which does not yet exist. This is fantasy and... Real life happening right now, at this very moment.
After thinking about the object of emotional attraction, answer the question: “What do I want?” It happens that we interpret it incorrectly. If you are honest with yourself, the answer will be: “I feel an inner, emotional emptiness. I need to fill it out. Apart from attraction and dependence, I have nothing to fill the void with.” This is proof that the person to whom there is an inexplicable attraction does not need you as a person. It is advisable to find something to fill the inner emptiness and apathy. These are things that help personal growth: books, a new business, a passion, a hobby. Do what brings you joy. Once you fill the void and eliminate boredom, the attachment to the person will decrease or disappear forever.
Everything seems simple, but it was not so! Attachment is an insidious feeling. Often we don’t want to get rid of it at all, but living like this becomes unbearable. What to do?
What to do when you don’t want to get rid of it?
Don't get attached to anything, because everything is temporary.
The state when you don’t want to forget and let go of the object of dependence is quite normal. This is not surprising, because the state of love is close to the state of nirvana, and who would want to voluntarily give up this?
However, you need to realize that nothing happens in life by chance. Problem situations help people develop and grow as individuals. from another person makes you ask questions and find answers to them. This is what happens.
If you don’t want to get rid of attachment, then the choice is small: either realize that the situation creates a problem and solve it by freeing yourself from dependence, or continue to suffer and naively believe that it is possible to return the old relationship with the attracting person. 
By the way, those who have become a springboard for the emergence of addiction and attraction will not succeed. And that's why:
Nothing in life happens for nothing. This situation was not given to you by chance. You develop, grow, change. The hope of returning the relationship is resistance to the events of one’s own life. Look at the clock - the hands only go forward, and what happened a week/month/year ago no longer matters. No matter how painful, offensive and unpleasant it is to let go of a person, you will have to let him go.
A dependent person lives in a world of illusions and his own fantasies. He completely surrenders to the pictures that the insidious brain draws. Let's face it. In fact, these relationships have already outlived their usefulness; you don’t need them. The truth is that there is inner emptiness, which requires filling.
Give up addiction. Realize that this state is just own wish receive something from the outside, fill an emotional void, bring to life the need for love and care. You can alleviate the “withdrawal syndrome” by getting carried away with what you love, filling the void with what you really like. As soon as this happens, the need to communicate with the object of dependence will go away by itself, it will become unnecessary ballast and an obstacle to self-improvement.
Surround yourself happy people. Stop communicating and meeting with the object of attraction. It hurts, but constant contact is much more painful. Fill in own life new events that have value here and at this moment. Plunge into your current life headlong and stop living in the events of the past. Over time, the absence in a person's life, addictive, will not be perceived with such acuteness.
March 14, 2014We can only receive what we are not attached to. Attachment gives rise to tension, anger, and this brings heaviness to life, intuition closes. It is almost impossible to hit the target with a shaking hand... Attachment is born from the desire to receive more than to give, because we believe that some object in this world can make us forever happy, from selfishness and fear of loss.
Very strong feeling- attachment to a person. How to get rid of such a powerful emotional state?
Our life is full of changes: we lose and immediately find, we love and become indifferent, we meet and break up. There is no point in hoping, believing, waiting, wishing or planning. There is no point in holding, promising and trusting. It's all too fragile.
How else can you get rid of attachment to a person?
Learn to simply live, live in the moment here and now, without becoming attached to anything or anyone. Imagine a beautiful butterfly landing on your open palm. Enjoy this moment, admire her while she is with you, do not squeeze your palm in order to hold her in your hand. Release her as soon as she wants to fly away. And so every moment of your life. No matter how much you want to hold on to something or someone, let go.
Let go of every moment if you want to get rid of attachment to a person
Don’t try to prolong it, much less keep it by hook or by crook. Let go of situations, people and experienced emotions. Even if it hurts to let go, know that every new moment brings new joy, new opportunity, new emotions and feelings.
Thank the situations, thank the people with whom you were lucky enough to go through a certain life stage. And on time, let go with ease.
How to let go? How to get rid of attachment to a person?
Learn to appreciate the present. After all, when you remember the past or imagine the future, you are not here and now. Your present is gone forever. Try to appreciate everything that comes to you right now. The present can fill your life with new meaning and meaning, thanks to which you can get rid of and overcome your attachment to another person.
The suffering and experiences that you experience when parting with a loved one and dear to you are necessary for your personal and spiritual development. To get rid of the pain that emotional attachment causes you, you need to conduct a deep internal work. Become aware of all your feelings and experiences, find the reasons for their occurrence. Analyze why you feel a deep emotional attachment to a person.
Since attachment is a psychological problem, it happens that we want one thing, but in fact we satisfy some completely different need of ours, without realizing it. To get rid of this attachment you need to first understand what you really want? Why do you need this particular person?
Perhaps you lack attention, joyful moments in life, etc. Attachment arises due to mental and emotional emptiness. This is why you will become emotionally attached to a person who will fill your life with a variety of emotions. But you can be happy regardless of others if you become a self-sufficient person.
To get rid of unhealthy attachment to a person, realize your true desires
And at the moment strong desire see your object of affection, do something from which you get true pleasure. For example, dance, cook yourself something tasty, go to the movies. Pamper yourself and in this way you will satisfy your real needs, filling your inner emptiness.
When you are bored or sad, try to distract yourself by focusing on the present moment. At this moment it will be great to do what you love. Doing what you love will make you happy and free. Use yours free time With maximum benefit and you will not notice how there will be no trace of attachment to another person.
Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to communicate with other people. If your social circle was limited to one person, then the feeling of attachment to him is quite logical and inevitable. Therefore, you can avoid it by expanding your social circle and meeting new people.
A change of environment or a change in your appearance will also help you get rid of attachment to a person.
Be cheerful and positive, don't get depressed. Remember that every day in your life is unique. Keep laughing, loving and believing.