Constant stress and unpleasant moments lead to fatigue and irritation. In such a state, it is difficult to restrain yourself and not react to the barbs of acquaintances and the comments of colleagues. Yes, and jokes from friends are perceived differently. Accumulating irritation, a person explodes at any little thing: standing in a traffic jam, household noise, rudeness of the seller. Every person needs to let off steam. But often raising the tone, screaming and irritability spills over into the people closest to you. Then I become ashamed of my behavior, I am tormented by remorse, and I am overcome by thoughts of why I could not restrain myself. How to learn to react calmly to everything?
Nerve cells do not recover, everyone knows this. But, in reality, they do not care about their health and allow frequent outbursts of anger. By the way, it is necessary to throw out negative energy. The accumulation of negativity contributes to irritation and inappropriate behavior.
When faced with another unpleasant situation, we are unable to contain our emotions. We begin to get nervous, panic and waste. Then urgent resuscitation is required, and energy is expended. By exposing the body to such changes, we do not add health.
How to learn to react calmly to stressful situations?
Learn to react calmly to life situations every day. It is important to break the irritation program and instill a new skill. For extra motivation, look at yourself in the mirror when you're feeling negative. The reflection will surprise you; instead of a sweet image, a face twisted with anger looks at you. This is the kind of person you will be remembered by others, your husband and children. Then smile at your reflection. Compare the two emotions and draw conclusions. Plus, don’t forget that stress and irritability add wrinkles, and laughter prolongs life. Make the right choices.
February 11, 2014The most common “disease” is stress. You can “get sick” of it both in childhood and in older age. There are many reasons for its appearance - problems in the family, at work or study, an unstable economic and political situation, as well as other adversities. How to learn to react calmly to everything? It is quite difficult to resist this disease, however, you need to try to develop immunity, otherwise difficulties may arise not only with your mental state, but also with your physical one. From stress-resistant people, illnesses run away at breakneck speed. So how can you learn not to take your fears and worries to heart? Here are 10 tips on how to react calmly to everything.
Fear is one of the biggest enemies. Because there is not a single person who is not afraid. Pretending that you are not afraid of anything is stupid. Yes, no one will believe it. The main thing is to confront fears, and not indulge. Breathe deeply and look them in the eyes. This does not mean that you are being irresponsible or putting yourself in dangerous situations. But you will get out of your fear zone. Are you afraid to speak in public? Do it. Are you afraid to ask for a raise? Gather your will and approach your superiors with your request. Expand your world, increase your confidence. This is the first step towards achieving your plans.
2. Suffering makes you stronger
We will all face pain and suffering at some point. And on the one hand, this is terrible, but on the other, they move us forward. Very often, it is torment and difficulties that become the start of important life changes. So isn't it better to suffer with a positive attitude? Don’t fall into self-pity; it’s better to let fate give you an unpleasant surprise, so you can accept it, let it pass through you, and then return with renewed vigor and start all over again.
3. Love!
Love yourself, the flowers in the park, the kitten running through the meadow, the wind playing with the leaves, your soulmate and even your grandmother on the bench, always hissing after you. Love unselfishly, don’t ask for anything in return, this is the only way you can think positively, and therefore stop suffering for no reason.
4. Enjoy everything beautiful that surrounds you
Take a look around. Do you see how many beautiful things there are around? Be happy on a sunny day, the smile of a passerby, your own success achieved at work, a compliment, perhaps from the person on duty. Gratitude makes you happier, strengthens your immune system, and brings peace and tranquility.
5. Be open to new things
Never cease to be surprised when you discover something interesting. Use your curiosity to drive you forward. Don't be afraid of new things. After all, you, without wanting it, change every day - you acquire new interests, new acquaintances. If you are not satisfied with the current situation, change it - go on a trip, not necessarily an expensive and distant one, there is also something to see in the neighboring city. Visit new places, read authors you haven't paid attention to before. Make new acquaintances, and with them new hobbies will come. Educate yourself. Don't get stuck in your daily routine. After all, the more experiments we have in our lives, the more we grow intellectually.
6. Don't compare yourself to others
We often compare ourselves with others and for some reason always not in our favor. The employee has a better husband, the friend’s salary is higher, and the neighbor’s children don’t get sick as often. And why? Because they are smarter, more beautiful, more educated, more reserved, more attentive and calculating... the list goes on and on. We are all different, which means we need to remember the truth that you are unique, with all the ensuing consequences.
7. Never forget about your dream
If there is any goal, you should not forget it and put it off until tomorrow, considering it unattainable. We always have one or more goals, otherwise there is no point in living. Distribute your desires by size, start with small ones, they will lead to the accomplishment of big ones. By the way, we can often do much more than we think, but we are afraid, looking for excuses for ourselves. For example, “I can’t get a dog because my apartment is small,” “I want a child, but my husband and I don’t have our own home yet.”
8. The director of your own happiness is you yourself
Life is what we put into it, and we are the ones who create our lives. Therefore, you need to be active, think positively, not be afraid of obstacles, trying to overcome them with your head held high. Never settle for what comes easy to you, strive for more. In a word, take your life into your own hands! And take action!
9. Don't be afraid to make mistakes
We all make mistakes and, by the way, the most successful people make it much more often than those who do not leave their comfort zone. Study your mistakes, think about what you are doing wrong and remember that without mistakes there is no progress. Stop trying to be perfect, it's much easier when you just know about your shortcomings and weaknesses - it promotes relaxation much better. Stop considering yourself defective. If you get rid of all the negativity towards yourself, you can also get rid of the stress that always oppresses you.
10. Laugh!
Do it sincerely and don't be afraid to make fun of your mistakes. Laugh even at the unpleasant situations you find yourself in, smile at the enemy. Laugh just because you see the sun or a bug. Laughter will help get rid of all problems, including health ones. Do this often. There's no point in being too serious.
But the most important piece of advice is that in order to react calmly to everything, you don’t need to cherish your troubles and adversities within yourself. Share them with those around you, perhaps in a conversation with others you will find out that you are not the only one so unhappy in this world, that a lot of people have found themselves in the same situations and emerged victorious. If you want to discuss your troubles, then at least talk about abstract topics, laugh heartily and at least for a while forget about all the bad things that torment you so much.
There is hardly a single person in the world who has never encountered trouble. Unfortunately, our life does not always resemble a holiday; sometimes it happens that problems come one after another, forming a chain with no end in sight.
Troubles at work, loss of a job, problems with a loved one, betrayal of loved ones, unexpected financial difficulties, deception - all this can happen at some point; unfortunately, it is impossible to insure against this. What can we do? Learn to react correctly and accept any life situation, try not to aggravate it. It is not simple. But, if you want to get out of crisis situations as quickly as possible, then you simply need to acquire the ability to react correctly.
First, remember the last time you were seriously worried, perhaps you didn’t sleep for several nights, or cried. Try to return to that point and understand why exactly you were so killed? Was it because of the problem itself or were you driven by other feelings? Perhaps most of what upsets you is not the essence of the unpleasant situation, but the way you react to it.
Secondly, we must always remember the ancient truths: “Everything will pass, and this too will pass.” It’s stupid to argue with this; everything really always passes, including evil. Any trouble that may happen to you is temporary. After some time, you will forget that you once spent so much nerves and tears. “What if there’s a disaster?” you ask. Forget this word altogether. There are no disasters. Definitely not in your life, because in our world there is nothing absolutely bad or only good.
Step 1: Stop Worrying
So, taking into account the first two points, we offer step-by-step instructions on how to respond to failures. As soon as we learn that something extremely undesirable has happened, we begin to worry. Run it endlessly in your head and constantly think about what happened. We lose sleep and appetite. Of course, experiences are normal, but think about it, what is the driving force behind your experiences? In other words, are your experiences bringing you closer to resolving the situation? In most cases no! But quite the opposite: while we are in the acute phase of experiences, we cannot begin to take reasonable steps towards exiting the situation. Therefore, while you are tearing out your hair and tormenting your soul, evaluate when you can stop. Give yourself a day or two to worry, and it will be quite enough. Often you worry not because of the situation itself, but because of resentment towards someone, towards yourself, towards an evil fate. You feel like this shouldn't have happened to you. Treat it differently. In life, things happen sometimes. Imagine your problem as a natural phenomenon. The rain does not choose when and on whom it falls, it just falls on itself and that’s it, and no one is offended by nature when they get caught in the rain. It’s the same with your misfortune, this is not fate’s intention specifically against you, this is the normal course of life.
Step 2: Work on your attitude
If you manage to take control of your emotions and stop throwing ashes on your head, this is almost a victory! Now all that remains is to learn to think positively. Set yourself up for success, just believe that everything will be resolved in the best possible way! And believe in it with all your heart! Don't forget that there is always a way out, find it. If you believe in the best and in yourself, then there will definitely be a way out!
Step 3: Develop a Plan
If you succeeded in the first two steps, congratulations! They are the most difficult! Having learned to think more or less positively, just ask yourself the question: yes, this is the situation that has developed, this is not a problem, and not a disaster, this is my new reality. What do I want at this moment? What is my goal? What do I need to do to achieve this goal? With a cool head, you can build a real plan of action, by taking which you will resolve the situation, if it can be resolved, or adapt to it, if it is not in your power to resolve it.
Step 4: Realize and Record
Awareness. Well, it’s absolutely aerobatics if you manage to learn sober lessons from the misfortune that happened to you. What kind of mental “tattoo” will I give myself so as not to get caught in advance?
Of course, it's not all that simple. Many people for years cannot learn how to react correctly to troubles, most often because they simply do not try and do not recognize the problem. If you nevertheless decide to work on yourself, then know that you can do anything, because our possibilities are endless!
Human life is filled with stress. These are natural processes that determine the rhythm of life, the constant development of society and technology, relationships with people throughout this life. Psychologists often joke: “If you don’t have any problems, check if you have a pulse.”
Of course, throughout the entire time allotted to a person, he is forced to adapt. For some people this is easier, but for others the difficulties can become an overwhelming burden. Someone can easily fight back against the offender, while others will replay what they heard in their heads for a long time, getting upset and driving themselves into the deep corner of their own experiences. Sound familiar? Then you should learn how not to take everything to heart, and, finally, learn to live happily.
Psychologists about sensitive people
People who take everything to heart are considered in psychology to be emotionally labile. This means that they are characterized by fairly rapid mood changes; they can change from the highest degree of joy to deep despair even within one day. They are more sensitive to stimuli - both physical and psychological. The inner world is very rich, fantasy and imagination are developed.
In everyday life, these are often good-natured people who will always respond to a request for help, even to the detriment of their own interests. This is due to the fact that approval from others is very important to them. This same trait often plays a cruel joke on sensitive people, because in life you don’t always meet those who come with good intentions and will repay kindness for kindness.
Vulnerable people become more attached to others, which is why they experience a break in a relationship especially bitterly and for a long time.
The reason for increased sensitivity to changes in life may also be the type of temperament. More often these are melancholic people who react very vividly to all external stimuli. Many of them are creative individuals.
Such an emotional constitution has its origin in heredity and is the complete result of upbringing and living conditions. This means that it is still possible to be more resistant to life’s difficulties, if you only know how. You can learn to stop taking everything to heart by working on yourself.
how it works?
Perhaps everyone knows the statement that all diseases are caused by nerves. Any emotional state in a certain way affects a person’s physical well-being. And in order to prevent (body diseases caused by a person’s psychological state) from appearing, you need to learn to manage your feelings and emotions. How not to take everything to heart?
A person can control not only body movements, but also the course of thoughts. Therefore, the easiest way to relieve the surging negative experience may be to answer the question of whether this will be important in a year. And in 5 years? This way, a person can figure out how big the problem is for him.
How to get rid of negative experiences?
If everyday stress has already become a part of life, and when a person wakes up in the morning, he mentally prepares himself for the worst, you should seriously think about auto-training. This is the same way of self-hypnosis, self-tuning, only for the best. According to the principle “I am the most charming and attractive.” Only in this case you need to choose your option - “everything is fine”, “I’m calm”, “there is always a way out”. Indeed, there is a way out of any situation. It’s just that it doesn’t always completely suit a person.
Another way to direct and control emotions is relaxation. She will show you how not to take problems to heart and stay in a good mood. Here everyone can choose the most pleasant way for themselves - meditation, listening to soothing music or sounds, breathing practices or yoga. Or all together. The main thing is regularity. Auto-training and relaxation are excellent alternatives to drug intervention, because they help cope with the source of the problem - negative thinking, and not just “pacify” physiological reactions to stress, as sedatives do.
How to respond correctly to the words of others?
So, how not to take words to heart? First of all, you need to understand several important points that apply to both sides of the dialogue.
- One of the paradoxical pieces of advice that psychologists give is the following: “Have you been offended? So this is not a backhand answer, like “balconies fall on the offended” or “you need to treat everything more simply.” There is a different meaning here. The fact is that caustic remarks, Unfounded criticism is a manifestation of the personality traits of the one who offends. He may be poorly brought up, be in a bad mood, or try to shift responsibility for his failures onto another. This in no way concerns the personality of the one who is being offended. Therefore, he should also take responsibility for it. It's not worth it. You need to show compassion for this person and not harbor a grudge against him.
- It is also worth distinguishing for what purpose certain words of the interlocutor were spoken. For example, if the sarcastic jokes of others appeared in response to a person’s story about a successful purchase, think about whether this is a manifestation of ordinary envy. You certainly shouldn’t be offended by this.
- For a sensitive person, it is important how he looks in the eyes of others. Therefore, if they try to insult him publicly, he should remind himself that in this situation it is not he who looks more unprofitable and stupid, but the offender. It’s not worth it, but it’s also not recommended to remain silent. You need to calmly and with dignity note the incorrectness of your opponent’s remarks and not continue the conversation in such a manner and atmosphere.
- You don't need to wait for everyone's approval. Especially strangers. A person who is learning how not to take things personally should first take care of their own self-esteem. A self-confident person is able to independently evaluate his successes; he can encourage and criticize himself. He doesn't need outside opinion for this. You should try to quickly forget even the praise of a stranger, so that in the future you do not focus your actions on such approval. Self-development is the path to self-sufficiency.
Living in a new way: useful guidelines
The list of tips on how not to take everything to heart should include certain attitudes or habits of acting and thinking in stressful situations:
- Using jokes. The developed often allows you to transfer the brewing conflict into a joke. And a person who is able to laugh at himself discourages anyone from doing the same to others.
- Ability to distinguish between constructive and unconstructive criticism. The second has already been discussed above, and the first should be perceived as an opportunity for your own growth and development goals.
- Before learning not to take anything to heart, a person must analyze his own behavior patterns. It happens that being offended is a way to attract attention, cause guilt in another, manipulation. In this case, it is worth getting rid of the root cause - the feeling of one’s own inferiority, which provokes resentment.
- Find an outlet for yourself (a place, a favorite activity) that will help you cope with negative experiences.
In conclusion
Every person is unique. And you shouldn’t try to fit this uniqueness into generally accepted frameworks. It is much more important to learn to use your strengths and work on your weaknesses.
Just because a person is sensitive doesn't mean he has to become more pragmatic. He should use this quality where others cannot, for example in creativity. And work on confidence and the ability to stand up for yourself. It is in this case that a person will be able to find long-awaited harmony with himself.
Every day we unwittingly become witnesses to another showdown. Very often we ourselves play the main role in such situations, be it a conversation with our superiors, with a public transport conductor, or with loved ones. Sometimes we simply begin to be offended or irritated by either excessive moralization, or an inappropriate remark, or a deliberately inserted phrase such as “Your life is like a cornered horse! Yes, and you apparently began to resemble her over time!”
And it happens that we cannot even respond to offensive words. Perhaps the sense of nobility is too developed. Or we are simply afraid of offending this person, thinking “Okay, I’ll be patient for a couple of minutes, and then I’ll slowly move away from these words!” What is better: to endure or still give vent to your emotions?
The head of the department of social work and psychology of the RSSU branch in Penza, candidate of psychological sciences, practical psychologist at the child development studio “Umka” helps us understand these and other questions. Pleshakova Olga Vladimirovna:
“We use the word “resentment” so often, each time putting a different meaning into it. What does it actually mean?
— The explanatory dictionary interprets insult as any untruth, everything that insults, dishonors, condemns. To put it simply, resentment is an accumulation of negative emotions that come from the offender.
- That is, when we are offended, we receive negative emotions, from which the offender is released at this time?
— Two points should be taken into account here. When the offender deliberately wants to hurt a person, and he succeeds in doing this perfectly, then he is “a winner.” His negative emotions passed on to the other, disturbed the offended person, and threw him off balance. In this case, the offended person, as a rule, tries to respond in kind, transferring negative emotions to the offender. It turns out that the offender achieved his goal.
In another situation, when the imaginary offender did not want to upset you or offend you in any way, but you, nevertheless, think that he is offending you, then in this case the first negative comes from you. And you are the instigator of an unpleasant situation. The imaginary offender usually gets upset or, in the worst case, reacts vividly and emotionally to what he considers “undeserved” insults.
Therefore, it turns out that it does not matter at all whether the person wanted to offend you or not; the resulting reaction of offense is not acceptable in either situation. In the first case, you succumb to the provocation of the offender, in the second, your imaginary offender, not understanding why you behave this way, begins to treat you differently, i.e. you are simply upsetting your previous relationship with him.
- In this case, it turns out that it is better not to react to an insult at all, that is, not to be offended? Is this really possible?
“Of course, this is very difficult, but you need to react correctly to offense. In this way, you will avoid “delicate” situations and come out of them with dignity.
- How can you learn to react correctly to an insult?
— The main mistake of each of us is that during an unpleasant conversation we transfer our negative emotions from the subject of the offense (in our case, these are specific offensive words, statements, conclusions) to the subject, i.e., the speaker of these offensive words. What to do? First of all, you need to learn to control yourself during a conversation. Of course, sometimes this is difficult to do when emotions are at their limit. But, if you gradually practice, you can notice serious changes. There is no need to immediately react negatively to the speaker. By doing so, you will only aggravate the situation, moving it to the stage of mutual insults. For example, you were told that your new hairstyle is worse than your previous one. I can imagine that the first thing that comes to mind is: “It’s always unclear what’s on your head!” And the interlocutor heard the following: “I’m (sorry) a freak!” And then word by word and... Of course, over time you will begin to communicate again, as before, but this time must pass. I believe that in this case, the first thing you should do is not rush to answer, just to say it quickly. It is necessary to “take a breath” and free yourself from the negativity received from the offender. As soon as you feel that you are calm again, you can answer better neutrally: “I will definitely take it into account, but I think the main thing is that I like her and my boyfriend too!” Then you can casually straighten your curls and go about your business.
Thus, it turns out that filtering out negative emotions frees the mind from the negative load, makes it possible to rationalize the answer, and your offender does not receive the long-awaited positive emotions for him in the form of your irritation.
- What if you just try to hold back these emotions and say nothing?
- Firstly, you yourself will feel uncomfortable - you were offended, but you did not protect yourself. The resentment will remain, not only against the offender, but also against oneself. Secondly, even if you forgave yourself for your “weakness” or considered yourself superior to the offender, and therefore did not get into an argument with him, then what will remain is not resentment, but a feeling of discomfort, a desire to free yourself from negativity, to forget this unpleasant situation. In addition, holding back negative emotions leads to disruption of our physical health. These include frayed nerves, when the speed of reaction to emotional stimuli (the same grievances, emotional shocks, minor troubles, etc.) occurs uncontrollably quickly or, conversely, slowly. These include more severe consequences in the form of diseases of the cardiovascular, gastrointestinal systems, and respiratory organs.
- Why are some people not offended at all?
— If a person does not feel resentment at all, then this indicates that his sensitivity to relationships between people is quite low. He seems “thick-skinned” to everyone. This quality is manifested in the inflexibility of his emotional sphere. The reasons for thick skin may be the following: it happens that a person is not offended because he treats himself indifferently. Such people, as a rule, have low self-esteem, their volitional sphere and intellectual abilities are not developed. “Say what you want, it can’t get any worse.” One can imagine another situation: “I forgive you all everything because I want to maintain the relationship, I’m afraid to quarrel.” These are, as a rule, burning conformists.
- There are people who offend everyone. Why do they do this?
“Indeed, there is a category of people who “can’t live a day without offending people.” If we immediately distinguish between angry, envious and hating other people’s success, who do this intentionally and take pleasure in humiliating and insulting others, then we can note that there are also those who do this unintentionally, but with enviable consistency. Often, this happens to people who find themselves in a difficult (possibly protracted) life situation for some time. In such an environment, anyone's nerves would always be on edge. And in order to “put out this emotional fire,” a person needs to transfer this negativity to another. So he offends everyone, and, as we have already described, he gets relief and calms down (at least for a while).
But a person tends to get used to the situation and develop stereotypical reactions. And in this case, over time, resentment becomes a means of defense, a mechanism of stereotypical psychological response, and his body begins to demand these negative emotions more and more often, even the removal of that difficult life situation, its resolution does not rebuild the nervous system to a different way of responding. Such people can be advised to receive training on developing new ways of behavior and constant monitoring of their reactions, since often the content of their offensive words does not reflect reality.
— How do childhood grievances affect our lives?
“Children’s resentment is difficult to rationalize.” As a rule, it hides in our subconscious for a long time. The person does not remember what exactly happened to him, but the feeling of negativity and resentment remains in a certain area of the body. If during an unpleasant conversation a person’s “hands come into play,” it means that in childhood his parents limited his ability to sense tactile sensations, i.e., they constantly “hit his hands.” If a person wants to scream or, on the contrary, there is a “lump” in his throat, if he compresses his lips, then, most likely, in childhood he was either not allowed to speak out, or he was constantly shouted at, and his words were never given any importance. The most complex children's grievances are those that are associated with the imposition on the child (especially if without explanation, in a categorical form) of certain thoughts, behavior, and methods of action by significant adults (parents, grandparents, teacher, etc.), who went to cut with his ideas about life.
- How can our body help us cope with resentment?
- You need to tell yourself, “Next time I feel resentful, I should concentrate on my body and understand what is happening to me.” For example, they say unpleasant things to you, and at this time you notice that your hands begin to frantically rub each other, your breathing becomes erratic, your eyes are watering. And you take some object in your hands (the negativity will transfer to it) or direct your palms to the outer space (thus releasing the negative energy received from the offender), calmly close your eyes (so as not to see him for at least a couple of seconds), move your pupils inside (turn your attention from emotions to the work of your eyes) and breathe deeply, calmly. After bringing yourself into a calm, unemotional state, you can respond to words with words, not emotions. You will immediately feel relief, and your abuser will be upset by such calm behavior.
It probably may seem that if you start doing this, they will laugh even more. No need to worry about this. At first, your behavior will simply interest you, especially two seconds, which is not such a long period of time. Of course, to learn to control your body, you need to constantly train. And you can start at home, in front of the mirror. You just need to try and over time you will notice that the body itself will come to your aid, and you will easily transfer yourself into a state of calm and harmony. This technique will help you learn to control your body not only during insults, but also in other stressful situations.
Respond to words with words, manage your emotions!
Yulia Burmistrova