It happens that in matters of self-determination, people listen to anyone other than themselves - to friends, parents, teachers or leaders. They blindly follow society's expectations. And sometimes this abstract idea of meeting requirements becomes a person’s personal tragedy. For example, a female manager can work in her company for about five years and receive a good salary. wages, enjoy the respect of colleagues. At the same time, her husband and parents will approve of her career. But every morning, coming to workplace, she will feel disgusted with her job. And soon this disgust will develop into hostility towards other employees and, in general, towards the walls of the employing company.
If a person wonders how to find his place in life, then at least he realizes that he does not occupy this place in this moment. This situation is not uncommon. But getting out of it can be a real challenge. If a person is not in the right place, even a long vacation is unlikely to help. Therefore, in order to change something in own life, sometimes you have to ignore the opinions of others, and - oh, horror! – their comfort.
It's good if our imaginary office heroine has clear understanding where she wants to go. For example, she is interested in knitting, for which she has time a couple of times a year - after the New Year celebrations and on the third day off of the May holidays. Then she can at least start saving money and develop a plan for opening a future online store for knitted items. Or, after quitting her job, she can start knitting things to order and holding master classes.
But what if a person is not only out of place, but also does not know what his life's work is? Let's consider several ways that will help you determine your calling.
Identify the source of pleasure
The first thing to do in this search is to identify an activity that gives you pleasure. At these moments, according to the definition of psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the author of the concept of “flow,” time flies by very quickly, a person feels full from his activity. To find a calling, you need to not just choose for yourself this or that profession in which you can perform a certain social role. Finding a vocation and realizing oneself in a profession are not two identical processes. To find his purpose, a person needs to understand what he would like from his life, and not what social mask he needs to wear.
Look outside
But you need to keep in mind that the source of inspiration is always outside. They say that you need to look for a calling in your own inner world. However, sitting in the lotus position and meditating for days on end, one cannot find it. The simplest thing you can do is contact external world, try as much as possible large quantity various activities. And after that, determine which of them is the most exciting.
- On this topic:
Identify multiple areas
Many people believe that their calling must be one specific thing. In fact, sometimes this is what happens - a person wakes up in the morning and realizes that more than anything in the world he wants to paint pictures, play the harp or paint. Christmas decorations. But this doesn't always happen. People can do one thing, then, having become fed up, or even having experienced emotional burnout, go into a completely different area. This often happens, for example, with educators and psychologists. What seemed like the work of a lifetime took too much energy to continue doing it any further. Moreover, it is not always between life purpose and the source of income can be put with an equal sign.
How to find yourself in life and understand what to do? To do this, it may be necessary to highlight several areas of activity.
Every person should be able to provide for themselves. And this business does not always coincide with the calling. A subtle point must be taken into account here: in this case, work that generates income should allow you to do what you love while it is at the hobby stage.
Passion for business and demands of the world
You must be able to match your skills and hobbies with the requirements modern market labor. This is one of the most profitable strategies. For example, a passion for dancing can be turned into a source of income by getting a job as an instructor at a nearby club, or even opening your own school.
Sometimes it happens that a person considers himself creative personality, whose talent was unclaimed in cruel world. Then he needs to once again reconsider the ways in which he implements it. For example, some artists refuse on principle to receive special education, or work in the design field, declaring that for them drawing is something more than satisfying customer requests.
However, in this case, the question of finding a vocation takes on a different character - after all, you can become a truly highly paid and sought-after professional only if you have talents and abilities in a certain field. By refusing to earn money through the use of one’s talents, a person greatly narrows his choice. After all, one way or another, he will have to earn a living through routine work in which he has no interest.
We can further consider the example with “ freelance artist" Such a person could really get a design education and get good money working in some company. That wouldn't stop him from continuing to study." high art" V free time.
So, finding your place in life is complex task, especially for an adult. Changing your field of activity is a responsible step. It can be even more difficult to understand in which direction to move. However, having managed to find your true place in the sun, you can turn gray, monotonous everyday life into a bright, rich life.
“Happiness is when you want to go to work in the morning and want to go home in the evening.” According to the saying, I could not call myself happy. I didn’t like my job, but I was afraid to change my life, following the “bird in hand” principle.
Life according to instructions
Our ability to live by someone else's rules is truly amazing. We forget about our interests and obey the laws of the society in which we find ourselves. We study where we are assigned, we work where we are assigned. We are gradually becoming a kind of “robots”, looped in a cycle identical days. We lose the habit of rejoicing, being surprised, taking risks and choosing. We devote more time to work than family and consider this normal. We work without interest in our work and slowly destroy ourselves.
We understand this, but we cannot correct the situation. Or we don't want to. We want to, but we can't. Because we got used to it and even accepted it. The fire went out, the shoulders hunched, the attitude towards the proposed circumstances changed. Habit is a strong and stable thing, it keeps you cooler than any thought about it. inner harmony and capacity development. Time passes and goes. The days fly by, unnoticed. We remain in the same place, dissatisfied with ourselves in particular and life in general. We complain, look for benefits, get used to living like everyone else.
But one day, as we see off another year, we suddenly clearly realize that our lives are only in our hands. And suddenly we decide to change everything.
Victory over fears
I have never had a strong-willed character and adventurism is not my strong point. When I realized that tears are stifled emotions, and the salary does not cause positive outbursts, I decided to leave this job. As a sensible and responsible person, I could not change stable income and a social package for a ghostly dream. I couldn’t do it on my own, I was afraid. Therefore, I was waiting for a lucrative offer, a chance, a good reason, because of which I could, with a clear conscience, leave a highly paid but unloved job and do what I like. Years passed, nothing changed. It became more and more sad. I'm tired of hoping and waiting, voluntarily giving my life to some chance. Gathering my will into a fist, I made this fateful decision myself. Having devoted more than ten years of my life to the energy industry and calling it a day, I became free and... happy!
But as soon as I did what others secretly dream of, illogical things began to happen. People who had been around me for many years began to rapidly move away. They stopped inviting me to visit because I did not support the generally accepted topics about bosses, bonuses and “who is with whom.” They even stopped calling, because I didn’t want to talk about the eternal lack of money and children’s illnesses. A void has formed. People didn't know what to talk to me about or what to ask. When asked “how are you?”, she invariably answered: “great!” And this became a problem for them. They quietly asked their husband: “What’s wrong with her?” They thought it was transition period, crisis, blues. I used to be sociable and comfortable, but now everything has changed. In fact, I have long been uncomfortable with monotonous conversations. It’s just cleared up now, because there’s no point in pretending.
My parents and teachers once convinced me that I had to be good, decent and well-mannered person. I built mine adult life taking into account these requirements. In fact, every person has one responsibility - to realize himself. I didn’t come into this world to meet anyone’s expectations or create comfort for others. Recognizing the fact that she was living someone else’s life was another victory over her fears.
Looking back, I can say that the most difficult thing was making a decision. Having conquered the first stage, you want to go to the end. Further changes happen by themselves and are completely positive. Now I understand what it’s like to enjoy every day. Notice the colors of autumn, breathe in Fresh air winter, write articles. I am happy because by believing in myself, I was able to change my life. If it worked for me, it will definitely work for you too.
Are you unhappy with your job? Why don't you quit? The answer will be the program for future actions.
- Determine the advantages that your work gives you today.
- Identify the downsides of this job. For example, what is she depriving you of?
- Divide the sheet in half, make a detailed list in the “plus” column and in the “minus” column, draw a line and summarize which points there were more.
This method may be somewhat primitive, but effective. You will see a picture of your life as if from the outside. And the more you don’t like it, the more it frightens you, the sooner you decide to make changes.
Choosing the right profession is as important as choosing a life partner
We spend a third of the day at work. Think about it! What are you spending your life on? Why regret something that doesn't bring you pleasure? You're not sad that the snow will soon melt and spring will come, are you? I'm tired of the cold, and the winter joy has long disappeared. The update process is inevitable.
If you feel that work is not a joy, and you still come to the decision to change it, why hesitate? Weighed down by doubts and thinking about a decision for a long time, you can delay the start of your new life.
Working for yourself, there is no time to work for others
When starting your own business, it is better to overestimate your capabilities than to underestimate them. Add intelligence to stubbornness and you get persistence. If your abilities are not enough, but your desire is enormous, do not rush to give up your dream. You may not become a super pro, but you will get satisfaction from your work. All qualities and abilities can be developed and ultimately achieve more than those who are naturally gifted but lazy can achieve. And when you achieve success, the path you have taken will not be as difficult as it seemed at first.
Natalya Budyanskaya
About ten years ago I met an acquaintance who was working on getting his daughter into university. The conversation revealed the following. Firstly, the child did not care where to study; she had no inclinations towards any profession. Secondly, they were going to place her (and did) in financial institution study to become a banker. Because it is prestigious and financial. In this case, both the child and his parents had a clinic.
No bad people, there are no bad workers - there are people who are in the wrong place, doing something that is not their job.
In my deepest understanding, every person born on Earth was born for something specific. He has inclinations and abilities, but he does not address them and does not develop them. He simply dangles in the wind or in an ice hole, and shifts responsibility for his life to other people (parents, friends, government, boss, etc.), to circumstances and to what at this stage profitable. And this is a big problem for this person, for those associated with him and for all of humanity in general. And the problem is that a person either does not fulfill his task and does nothing at all, or does not perform the task for which he is intended.
Imagine the situation: the parts of the car decided to do other things, completely different from what was planned for them. The carburetor decided to give
signals to pedestrians, the pistons decided to shine under the wheels, the steering wheel thought it was a trunk, and the seats began to slow down on the road. What will happen to the car and its movement in this case? It either won’t go, or it won’t go as it should, that is, it will create a lot of problems for its owner. So people, when they mind their own business, create problems for themselves and for all humanity.
Why do they do this? Mainly out of fear. What if the business I like doesn’t bring me success?
One of our friends works as an accountant and loudly hates her job. But she likes to sew clothes. But she believes that she will definitely earn money as an accountant, but she can fly by sewing. Although she sews well, takes orders home, she has a waiting list for a month and a half (and the neighboring studio is idle), and she earns more by sewing in the evenings than as an accountant. But he is afraid to do exclusively cutting and sewing.
Minding your own business often creates a lot of problems. If something is not interesting, then they don’t bother too much, they try to do it as little as possible and don’t worry about quality. Doing something you don't like creates Bad mood and stress, family and health problems, etc. Low quality of the work being performed lead to problems with management and with salaries. And most importantly, in an uninteresting job a person does not grow, does not develop either as a professional or as a person. With all the ensuing negative consequences.
Another story that has nothing directly to do with the choice of classes. But she illustrates possible consequences imposing your opinion on children. One of our friends married a guy her mother didn’t like. She began to try to separate them. When a friend became pregnant, her mother forced her to have an abortion. Then, under the influence of her mother, she divorced. But she loved the man very much and they got back together. It turned out that because of the abortion, she could no longer have children and her husband left her, because he could not imagine himself without children. As a result of her mother’s actions and her own brainlessness, this friend was left without a family - without a husband and without children, living alone with no prospects. But her mother was at first very happy that she got rid of her unloved son-in-law. As if she had to live with him! But any of our actions gives rise to consequences for us, both positive and negative. A friend's mother had problems big problems with health. She began to ask her daughter for help. The meaning of the daughter’s answer was something like this: you ruined my whole life, you divorced me from my loved one, you left me without children, you did a lot of nasty things to me – and what do you want from me now? An acquaintance has not seen her mother for more than ten years, although they live a kilometer from each other. The mother's health problems have become more serious; she lives with her son and his wife. “For some reason,” the son’s wife strongly disliked his mother, and for ten years now this grandmother has been living in a real nightmare. And most likely the same one she arranged for her daughter.
Parents, of course you can impose an activity and other half on your children at your discretion. Just think about how you wouldn’t have to pay for it yourself. And your good intentions would not turn out to be the road to hell for your children and yourself.
In our lives, we changed our occupation several times until we began to do what we liked. It worked out in the following way. We asked ourselves what any of us would do if we didn't have to work for money. As it turned out, we even had ready-made answers. I was interested in creating trading systems that would promote products, services and ideas. My wife was interested in gardening plants. And now we do trading system based on garden plants. Conventionally, our business can be called a garden center, but it is more than a store. The main thing is that each of us does what interests him most. Natalya advises customers, understands new products, purchases products, and conducts seminars. I develop and implement methods for promoting products, create information newsletters for customers, books, and videos on gardening topics. And together we are creating a system of similar centers in other regions - helping our partners to develop.
In other words, we made our passion (hobby) our work. The main advantage is that you do what you are interested in doing, and you also get money and complete pleasure in life for it.
Before that, we had a period when we worked only for money and we earned more money than we do now. But the pleasure from life was much less. We really didn’t like some types of work, but we had to do them, otherwise there would be no income. We did this work through force, and the money that came for it was not a joy. It’s interesting that this money didn’t do any good; it slipped through our fingers. And it seemed like they were there, but it’s unclear where they went.
In ten years of working for money, we have never been on vacation with our children, although we earned decent money. In the house, apart from renovations in the bathroom and kitchen, there is no evidence of the material wealth of past years.
Over six years of working on our interests, we earned significantly less than before. But we went on vacation with the whole family several times, but it was too late - the children grew up. We built a house for them, and now we are organizing for ourselves and them family estate on a hectare of land. We earned money for a car, furniture, household appliances, etc. We have more material and moral evidence of pursuing our interests than from a profitable but not favorite job.
This simple question – what would you do if you didn’t have to work for money – is something every person needs to ask themselves. And it is advisable to answer it, but difficulties usually arise with the answers. We ask this question periodically different people– both acquaintances and strangers. The response statistics are very interesting. About 90% of people would travel, read books, watch TV, meet friends. That is, they would rest and not engage in any activity useful to themselves or others. Eat good definition such a life is to play the fool.
So, most people do not do what is interesting, and in some cases do what is disgusting to them. And after this, doctors and psychologists wonder why there are so many people who are stressed and dissatisfied with their lives.
Of the ten percent of people who would still do something, more than a half They are minding their own business. An accountant wants to sew, a salesman wants to make furniture, and a taxi driver enjoys repairing electrical appliances. Moreover, none of them really explained why he does not professionally do what he is passionate about.
And only a few people told us that they liked their work and would be happy to continue doing it. At this point the hand itself reaches out to write - the person is in his place. Moreover, there are enough difficulties in the work of these people, but they do not perceive them. And they do their job well, no matter what. It's interesting that their work is appreciated and they earn good money.
What are the advantages of hobbies? There are several of them. Have you ever read a book that you didn't like? It’s unlikely, and if they read it, it was under duress. For example, you are an accountant and you don’t like this job, but your parents or circumstances forced you to. How many books will you read on accounting, which you hate? Only under duress, clenched teeth and nothing extra. And since you know little about your work, it means you don’t do it quickly and efficiently enough. And this is reflected in the salary.
At the same time, we have a friend who is simply delighted with accounting. She constantly, on her own initiative, reads a bunch of specialized literature, subscribes to some magazines, and goes to seminars. As a result, she created her own accounting firm, which serves many organizations. She keeps all the documentation - a mosquito won’t ruin your nose. Balance sheets, reports - everything was done quickly and very efficiently. Over many years of work, the tax inspectorate has not issued a single fine to its clients due to the fault of the accounting department.
In our business, my wife is seriously interested in flowers and garden plants. She goes to different courses, subscribes to a sea of different magazines, buys a lot of books. In the evening there are several magazines next to the bed and one in my hand, in the morning the same picture. As a result, she has knowledge that is of interest to people. Every day she advises several dozen customers and simply visitors to our garden center. As a result, we have a lot of buyers, they are attracted high level consultations that they cannot get in other stores.
So, there is only one advantage - an activity of interest encourages you to constantly receive new information according to your hobby. This leads to professionalism, which attracts people - they become clients, which gives high income to hobby activities. Activities based on interests awaken activity - a person is ready to “dig the earth” and do what he loves around the clock. But when we do something out of obligation, we show little initiative. And looks forward to the end of the working day and week.
One day I decided to buy myself expensive watch, it was during a transition period when money meant more to me than the ability to think. I went into the store and there was a large selection. I started asking sellers which models were different and what their features were. None of the three hit the mark. They haven't taken the time to understand the products they sell. But they discussed world problems for about twenty minutes; they had time for that. These people just work for money. I didn’t buy a watch from them, out of principle. And this store soon closed. Probably they didn't pay the rent.
Usually, when a person does something that interests him, he is ready to devote 25 hours a day to his hobby. A little time passes and he learns everything about his interest. And if the hobby is associated with creation, then quantity turns into quality.
I had a very good example hobby classes. My father is still in Peaceful time finished aviation institute and began working as an engineer at an aircraft factory. But since childhood he had a hobby - photography. He did not study anywhere, but thanks to his talent and self-education he did very beautiful pictures. As a result, he created a photo and film laboratory from scratch at a large aircraft factory. All the stands, visual propaganda, photographs in a limited edition factory edition, and the museum - everything was done by his hands. His photographs were always so successful that he constantly received first places at photo exhibitions. In the end, he only participated in those competitions where they gave as prizes something he didn’t already have. Sometimes for good behavior he decided to give me a camera (tripod, enlarger, etc.). Then he took several of his old photographs and took them to a photo competition, from where he brought me a prize as a gift. Once he even spent a long time convincing the jury to give him second instead of first place, because... He had cameras a dime a dozen. And he needed a photo enlarger, which was given for second place. If he were alive now, he would probably organize the best photo salon in the city.
One computer magazine published an article about a schoolboy who was passionate about computer graphics. All his free time, he studied relevant programs and made three-dimensional models. One day he presented several of his works on a website dedicated to computer graphics and animation. Someone liked his work and he unexpectedly received an order. Then the second, the third, and now his hobby has become his business. And he earns several times more than his parents.
The second advantage is that doing what you love gives you pleasure from life in general. This is accompanied by optimism, and positive thoughts attract new opportunities and positive situations. The more satisfied you are with life, the more gifts it gives you.
Some of our friends often travel abroad and from every trip they bring gifts to their mother. But their mother is constantly dissatisfied with everything and was never happy with the children’s gifts. Ultimately, they stopped bringing her anything at all.
This is how life is with us - the more we are dissatisfied with it, the fewer gifts it gives us.
Third, doing something that interests you makes it easier to cope with difficulties and difficult times. Because the quality work of a passionate person is always appreciated. And those who usually end up in a crisis are those who are minding their own business.
Answer this question yourself - what would you do if you didn’t have to work for money? And does the answer to this question correspond to your current occupation?
By the way, if you decide to start a business, then on this site you can familiarize yourself with the section. The information in this section will help you develop faster and avoid many mistakes of beginning entrepreneurs.
People think more than once about how to find a place in the Sun. First, even in childhood, we choose who we want to become. Then we think about which university to go to, whether we need higher education, and if so, which one exactly. We choose our place of work, choose the area with which we want to connect our lives, and choose the people with whom we will spend this life.
And at some point we begin to think - is this the right life, is this how you wanted to live the time allotted from above? If similar questions arise more and more often, it is important to stop the rush of life and answer them honestly. And if the answer is no, prepare for change.
When we feel out of place
The answer is simple in its banality - at the moment when we are really out of place. And it is important to understand why this happened.
Very often we play the role imposed on us. It can be imposed by authoritarian parents or social pressure. Buying an expensive item on credit, enrolling in a university because “my father approved of it” - all this could deprive you of your personal choice. If at some stage someone chose for you, then from this starting point you live life for someone - but not for yourself. You play a role, replacing your personality with the performance of a function - the function of a diligent employee in a boring job, loving wife Without warm feelings to my husband, an excellent student who doesn’t know where to go with his diploma. Masks may be different, but their essence is the same.
How to find your path in life
Often the first phrase you hear in such a situation will be - quit. But quitting school family life, a job that generates income is not as simple as talking about it while standing on the sidelines. So don’t blame yourself for being indecisive, but first clarify exactly where and at what point you became a human function, and only then act.
First, learn to say no to people and circumstances around you if they go against your plans. So you will stop vicious circle depending on other people's opinions. And only then you can overcome the fear of failure.
Then another problem may arise. Even after getting rid of everything unnecessary, you can again become a hostage to circumstances. Why would an introvert who dreamed of writing books take a dangerous trip around the world right now? Yes, sometimes a shake-up is needed. But measure it against your own aspirations. Sometimes a trip to another city is enough to spend internal work above oneself.
To find your place in life, it is often advised to remember where it all began. Imagine what you dreamed of as a child. And then compare with your current life. The difference is quite obvious.
Finally, it is important to change your attitude towards circumstances. And it is simply necessary not to confuse this advice with a subscription to the thought: “Nothing needs to be changed, everything is fine as is.” No, a change of attitude is a release of your Self. If you have had to fulfill a role, you will continue to weave it into your life. End the role. Having done this internally, you yourself will begin to change what just yesterday seemed so strong, so hateful and so unshakable to you.
We wish you good luck in finding yourself and your path in life. Recognize the right of others to live their own lives - with their own goals, aspirations, problems and victories - and give the same right to yourself. And don’t forget to click on the buttons under the article you like and