1. Inability to listen.
You are talking with a person for some time, suddenly someone or something interrupts you, and you are asked the question: “So what was I talking about?” What is it really about? You no longer remember, because during the conversation you listened to the person only superficially, while at the same time being in your thoughts about something distant. Here you can involuntarily think, are you paying attention? are you listening to your interlocutor? Probably no. And this is one of the most common mistakes people make in communication. And believe me, even in things that are not interesting to you, you can find thoughts and ideas that are useful to you. As Ernest Hemingway once said, “I like to listen. I learned a lot by listening carefully. Most people never listen." Be patient and direct a little of your mental effort to the essence of the conversation, show that the interlocutor is interesting to you. Liven up the conversation with a few questions, direct it in a direction where your interest in the conversation will be higher.
2. Too many questions.
There is no need to turn your conversation into an interrogation; this is exactly the impression your interlocutor gets if you ask too many questions. In addition to questions, try to bring your point of view, share your opinion, tell stories from your life, or involve your interlocutor in discussing other topics that interest you. Let this be a conversation between two people, and not some kind of interview that a journalist takes from the heroes of his articles. Of course it's good when You really you listen to a person, are interested in his person or his life, perhaps he is even flattered by this, but on the other hand, communication becomes somehow one-sided, and as a result, your interlocutor may become bored.
3. Prolonged silence.
Silence may be an indicator that you simply have nothing to talk about with your interlocutor, even if in fact this is not so, and there are other reasons for your silence. Try to avoid long silences, find topics of conversation that interest everyone, draw your interlocutors into the conversation not with the content of the conversation, but with your ability to speak brightly, interestingly and “dynamically”. Just say, in many cases, it doesn't matter what you say or what you say, what matters more is how you present it. Leil Lowndes once said, “Never leave home without reading the newspaper.” Even if you don't have anything to talk about, you can discuss the latest news.
4. Poor speaking skills.
This is, rather, not a mistake in communication, but a relatively easily corrected deficiency. As mentioned in the previous point, it's not what you say, but how you say it. A person who spends hours telling uninteresting things confidently, brightly and emotionally is much more attractive for communication than a person who tells interesting things clumsily and ineptly. Start working on your speaking skills, and in addition to working on your voice, study and improve your body language. In addition, increase your self-confidence, this will have a positive effect on the quality of your communication.
5. Interruption and abrupt translation of the topic.
Before expressing your point of view, allow your interlocutor to finish. There is no need to interrupt him mid-sentence, in this way you throw him off his thoughts, disrupting the natural flow of the conversation, and, of course, you risk appearing ignorant. This is a fairly common mistake in communication between people, and one of the possible reasons may be disrespect for the interlocutor, or lack of restraint and fear of forgetting what you think is an interesting thought that just arose. Be patient and allow your interlocutor to finish, but if you think that it is simply necessary to speak, first apologize to the person you are interrupting and tell him what you wanted to say.
6. The desire to always be right.
If you think that without proving you are right in a dispute in which not affected your interests or the interests of other people, you thereby put yourself in a disadvantageous position, then you are wrong. The desire to always gain the upper hand in disputes is one of the main mistakes in communication. A conversation should be enjoyable for all participants, not just the one who emerges victorious from the discussion or argument. Try to show a calm attitude towards the wrongs of other people, after all, everyone has the right to their own point of view. Just relax and enjoy your “competence”, believe me, it is not at all necessary for others to know how smart and erudite you are.
7. Discussion of negative topics.
Try to avoid discussing negative topics, including and especially about your problems, and, at least in the company of unfamiliar people, no one likes to listen to whining and complaints about life. Also, there is little good in discussing the latest news of a negative nature - if you do this every day, there will be no room for positive things in your head. In general, try to think and talk about something good more often. Positive people are much more attractive in terms of communication or cooperation.
8. Inducing boredom.
Try not to bore people with conversations about boring topics; be prepared to remove the question from discussion when you notice that your interlocutor is “falling asleep.” You should especially notice the moment when the topic has exhausted itself, and its further discussion can bring nothing but boredom. Of course, it’s difficult to talk about something interesting if you lead a measured, devoid of variety life, but it’s not difficult to fix if you find something you like and start to really change your life for the better. Chat about different topics, not only about what you like, but also about what other people like.
9. “One-way” communication.
One of the mistakes of communication is one-sided communication, when you seem to listen to your interlocutor, he opens his soul to you, and in response you only nod your head in agreement with him, or utter a few insignificant phrases like: “how I understand you.” The interlocutor, opening up to you, expects the same from you. Open up to him, share your feelings. It is not necessary to expect the other person to take the initiative in the conversation. Contribute to an interesting conversation, don't limit yourself just asking questions about another person’s life.
10. Indifference.
If you want to be known as a good conversationalist with whom you can talk about life, heart-to-heart, about everything that comes to mind, take part in the conversation. The main thing is not to be silent all the time, otherwise what are you there for. Many people enjoy communication for the sake of communication, and if you are one of them but find it difficult to communicate with others, start working on improving your communication skills. Find interesting topics, be observant, select interesting material for conversation in your environment. Expand your horizons, and be sure to enter into dialogue with people.
The biggest disadvantage of telephone communication is indifference. Anyone who is not interested in the business will not be able to adequately represent their company.
Due to lack of interest, the responder makes mistakes such as:
unwillingness to engage in dialogue;
unfriendliness, dryness in communication;
emphasized brevity, bordering on impoliteness;
impatience;
the desire to quickly end the conversation and hang up.
Naturally, this leads to other mistakes, mainly related to a negative attitude towards your partner over the phone:
failure to address the interlocutor by first name and patronymic;
insufficient participation in the problems of the interlocutor;
inept questioning;
long pauses associated with searching for documents.
Sometimes there is poor audibility in the handset. But this doesn't mean you have to raise your voice. The opinion that if I can’t hear my interlocutor well, then he can’t hear me well and, therefore, I need to speak louder, in the case of a telephone, is erroneous. If you have difficulty hearing, you should not raise your voice yourself. And ask the interlocutor to speak louder and at the same time ask how he hears you.
Talk on the phone at the same volume level as in a face-to-face conversation. Loud telephone speech is often less intelligible because the microphone and telephone settings are set for normal, average volume levels.
You should not speak too quickly, as in this case you have to often repeat what was not understood by the interlocutor.
The telephone aggravates speech impediments. Numbers and numerals sound especially unintelligible. Therefore, they need to be pronounced more clearly.
52. Communication barriers
In business communication, very specific barriers may arise between partners. The reasons for their appearance are different. In order to prevent things from becoming stressful, you need to learn to prevent the emergence of barriers in communication, and if they do arise, to successfully overcome them.
Let's consider the main barriers that arise on the path to fruitful communication.
Barriers to interaction.Motivational barrier arises if partners have different motives for entering into contact, for example: one is interested in developing a common business, while the other is only interested in immediate profit. In this case, it is better to find out each other’s intentions from the very beginning and agree on the motives for cooperation. If this fails, the collaboration is doomed to failure.
Barrier of incompetence. The partner's incompetence causes a feeling of frustration and a feeling of wasted time. If the partner does not understand the problem at all, it is better to politely “curtail” the conversation; if he has partial knowledge of the issue, and there is no one else to turn to, you need to bring him up to date without emphasizing your great knowledge.
Ethical barrier occurs when interaction with a partner is hampered by his moral position, which is incompatible with yours. Everyone decides for themselves whether to compromise, but trying to re-educate or shame a partner is not recommended.
Each person has their own communication style. It depends on temperament, character, worldview and is formed under the influence of upbringing, environment, and profession. Therefore, in business communication there can often be communication style barrier. The content of the communication style is
the predominant motive of communication (interaction, self-affirmation, emotional support of the interlocutor, etc.);
attitude towards other people (gentleness, goodwill, tolerance, cruelty, rationalism, egocentrism, prejudice, etc.);
attitude towards oneself (narcissism, recognition of one’s shortcomings, defending the “honor of the uniform”, imposing one’s opinion, etc.);
the nature of the influence on people (pressure, coercion, manipulation, cooperation, personal example, non-interference, etc.).
How can you ensure that your partner’s communication style does not become an obstacle to communicating with him? It is necessary to realize that a person’s behavior style is a manifestation of his deep essential characteristics, and. if it does not interfere with the matter, it should be accepted, whatever our attitude may be.
Barriers to perception and understanding.Aesthetic barrier occurs when the partner is untidy, sloppily dressed or the situation in his office or the appearance of his desk are not conducive to conversation. It is difficult to overcome the internal obstacle to conversation, and nevertheless, if this contact is very necessary, we cannot show that something offends us.
Comfortable communication can be hampered by different social status of partners, especially if one of them is used to being in awe of their superiors. The following pre-conversation attitude helps to get rid of this attitude: “The boss is a person just like me. He has all human weaknesses. I have no reason to worry. I will speak calmly and simply, hoping for understanding. I respect myself and my business, and he will feel it.”
Barrier of negative emotions occurs when communicating with an upset person. If a partner who is usually polite to you greets you unkindly, talks without raising his eyes, etc., do not rush to take it personally: maybe he is not able to cope with a bad mood due to the course of his own affairs, family troubles and so on. It is necessary, when arriving at a meeting in advance, to try to find out what the situation is at the company and what mood the business partner is in. Sometimes it is better to reschedule the conversation for another time. If this is not possible, then at the beginning of the conversation you need to help your partner improve his emotional state.
State of health of a person, physical or spiritual, also affects how a person communicates. It is not difficult for observant people to guess from external signs what is happening to a person, to choose the appropriate tone, words, or to shorten the time of communication so as not to tire the interlocutor who is unwell.
Psychological protection, built by a business partner is a serious communication barrier. Having realized that the barrier in communicating with an inconvenient employee or partner is caused by his desire to defend himself, try to change your attitude towards him, and the difficulties in communicating with such a person will gradually disappear.
Installation barrier. Your business partner may have a negative attitude towards you or the company you represent. If you encounter an installation barrier, it is better not to try to convince your partner. Calmly regard hostility as a manifestation of ignorance, weakness, lack of culture, simple lack of awareness. Then the unfair attitude will not affect you, and soon it will disappear altogether, since your deeds and actions will force your partner to change his mind.
Double barrier lies in the fact that we involuntarily judge each person by ourselves, we expect from a business partner the same act that we would do in his place. But he's different. His position in this situation is determined by his moral standards and attitudes. To prevent the double barrier from arising, it is necessary to develop the ability to decenter.
Communication barriers.Semantic barrier occurs when business partners use the same signs (including words) to designate completely different things. The reasons for this barrier are varied. To overcome the semantic barrier, it is necessary to understand the characteristics of the partner and use vocabulary that is understandable to him; words that have different meanings, it is necessary to explain in what sense you used this or that word.
Inability to express one's thoughts (logical barrier) really interferes with communication. Helvetius said: “It takes much more intelligence to convey your ideas than to have them... This is proven by the fact that there are many people who are considered smart, but write very bad essays.” You need to be patient and use all your listening skills and ask questions to get the necessary information from your partner.
Poor speaking technique (phonetic barrier) greatly interferes with effective communication. But if you are interested in contact with this particular partner, you will have to adapt to his manner of speaking and not show that you are dissatisfied with something.
Inability to listen manifests itself in the fact that the partner interrupts, starts talking about his own things, or goes into his own thoughts and does not react to your words at all (for more details, see Listening in business communication). You can compensate for your partner’s inability to listen only with your art of speaking.
Modality barrier occurs when a person does not think about the priority channel for perceiving information (for more details, see Verbal means of communication). Knowing that each person has a certain priority channel of perception makes us more tolerant, and the ability to determine it allows us to find an adequate language of communication with a specific interlocutor, making contact with him not only conflict-free, but also effective. In order to avoid a barrier of modalities in communication, it is necessary to transmit information in the modality in which it is easiest for the partner to perceive it, in the form in which it is understandable to him.
Character barrier also creates difficulties in communication. Each person has his own character, but well-mannered people know how to behave in such a way that their character does not become a source of conflict. Not everyone, however, wants and knows how to understand themselves and control themselves. People with pronounced temperamental characteristics can be awkward interlocutors .
Impoliteness - This is the barrier that prevents you from correctly perceiving your partner, understanding what he says, and interacting with him. Unfortunately, manifestations of bad manners are not uncommon even in business communications. Impolite treatment can be stopped by calm, without irritation, your own politeness. There are situations when you are forced to listen to fair or unfair expressions of indignation. Remember that your goal is cooperation, not conflict. When a person is rude, there is a desire to immediately put him in his place. But this can lead to altercations. It is better to answer in a cool and calm tone. For many this has a sobering effect. There are other ways to calm an indignant interlocutor:
"alien role" technique: if the interlocutor is indignant or shouts, try to get into his position, look at the situation through his eyes; once you say to a person “I understand you” - and the opportunity arises to conduct a constructive conversation;
compassionate attitude towards your partner: remember that admitting that your interlocutor is right and sympathizing with him usually extinguishes the fire of indignation;
tense situations can be defused and as a joke, but it will give the desired effect only when you are sure that your partner has a sense of humor;
removal technique: you can unobtrusively examine the screamer, focusing on some little detail in his suit or hairstyle; you can think about his age, marital status, favorite pastime; It is also useful to analyze speech: features of word pronunciation, richness of vocabulary, intonation, successful speech patterns, errors in the pronunciation of words and the construction of phrases.
These techniques allow you to endure adverse effects without stress. Having discharged himself and not turned you on, your partner usually feels awkward and even feels guilty. In this state, he is ready to continue contact. And now it all depends on your desire to communicate with this person.
To avoid a barrier of impoliteness in communicating with you, be attentive to your partner from the very first minute of the conversation.
How to overcome communication barriers? First of all, develop self-esteem and self-confidence. It also helps to be able to see behind every inappropriate action of a person a manifestation of his psychological characteristics, and perhaps problems.
Our typical mistakes:
incorrect expectations for a partner(incorrect expectations arise as a result of the following mistake: if we don’t know a person enough, only some of his positive or negative traits, then we often complete his image as positive or negative, and then connect our expectations with the image we created) ;
it seems to us that our partner should guess how we feel(it’s better to immediately clearly formulate your expectations, explain the reasons, etc.) ;
we don’t catch the subtext of the conversation(often we do not assume that the partner may also not directly express his desires and true mood) ;
if a person’s behavior is unpleasant to us, it seems to us that he treats us badly or even does it to spite us(the reason may be completely different; people are usually upset and irritated by unfair accusations of bad attitude, it turns out that we ourselves provoke the conflict) ;
we try to meet the expectations of the interlocutor(in communication with a good person, this leads to an unnatural relationship, which is often revealed at the most inopportune moment; if we follow the manipulator’s lead, the consequences are even worse.) .
53. Communication process is the process of exchanging information between two or more people. The purpose of the communication process is to provide understanding of information, which can be called a message.
Subjects can be individuals, groups and even entire organizations. In order for communication to take place, there must be at least two people: the sender and the recipient. During the communication process, information is transferred from the sender to the recipient.
Communication places demands on each of the participants in the interaction. So, each of the participants must have all or some abilities: see, hear, touch, smell and taste. Effective communication requires each party to have certain skills and abilities, as well as a certain degree of mutual understanding.
What does the communication process consist of?
The following elements are distinguished in the communication process:
Sender- a subject whose goal is to convey some idea to another subject.
Appeal- a set of symbols, signs, sounds, smells, etc., i.e. some form in which an idea is encoded.
Recipient- the subject to whom the appeal is addressed.
Communication channel- methods and means of information dissemination by which a message is transmitted from the sender to the recipient.
Responsiveness- a set of responses from the recipient that arose after decoding the message and sent back to the sender, indicating the degree of understanding of the transmitted idea.
Feedback- part of the response that reaches the sender.
Interference- various factors that influence the communication process, distorting the conveyed idea.
What is the simplest communication cycle?
The simplest communication cycle includes the following stages.
Choice of treatment. The sender is the one who transmits information, understands the meaning of what he wants to convey to another participant in the communication process.
Coding. The process of transforming an idea into a message that can be communicated.
Coding in the communication process begins with the choice of a code system. The ability to speak, write, gesture, and pose play an important role in the sender's ability to encode the idea being conveyed. The coding system must be known to the recipient. The following can be used as a code system:
speech systems based on oral speech;
writing systems;
signs of body movements;
sign language;
video systems;
sound systems (eg Morse code), etc.
As a result of encoding, an appeal is formed. The meaning of the address is an idea belonging to the sender. At the same time, the sender expects that the message will be perceived adequately to its intended meaning.
Spread the message. The process of transmitting a request through the selected communication channel. The communication channel can be: telephone, radio, television, computer network, etc. The communication channel must be consistent with the coding system.
Decoding. The process of recording a request and decoding it. The smaller the difference between what was transmitted and what was received, the more effective the communication.
Feedback process. Transmission of the recipient's response to the received request. The response coming from the recipient after he accepts the message reaches the sender in the form of feedback. Feedback allows the sender to find out whether the message has reached the recipient and to assess the degree of understanding of the conveyed idea.
Communication with feedback turns into a two-way street, and the process itself becomes dynamic. In this case, feedback may not necessarily be expressed in the same code system as the received message. The main thing is that the code system is known to the new recipient.
Why do people communicate so much with each other, but still do not always enjoy this process? Why, after living together for many years, do spouses still manage to argue and blame each other, rather than find a compromise? All these and other problems that arise as a result of a dialogue between two or more people appear only because they make mistakes in communication.
What communication mistakes do people make?
Unfortunately, not all people adhere to the culture of speech, and also do not know how to communicate with others in such a way as to really resolve any issues, enjoy the conversation and leave the conversation satisfied.
Very often you can observe how, out of an entire group of people, only two people communicate on a certain topic, while everyone else sits and listens silently. This is often a sign that silent participants are not interested in discussing the topic. This means that while someone is talking, everyone else is bored.
This happens in any other situations: if someone starts talking on a topic that is interesting only to him and which only he understands, then all other participants experience boredom and less desire to communicate with such an interlocutor.
Different vocabulary
Do you think two interlocutors will find a common language, one of whom speaks culturally, and the other uses obscenities? Most likely, they won’t find it, even if they talk about the same topic that interests them.
For effective and pleasant communication, interlocutors should use the most similar vocabulary so that both participants can communicate clearly and interestingly.
But people often strive not to communicate, but to show their individuality, which is why communication turns into a competition “Who speaks better?”
Ecology of life. Does it often happen that when communicating with different people you have misunderstandings and, as a result, quarrels or resentments?
Does it often happen that when communicating with different people you have misunderstandings and, as a result, quarrels or resentments? Find out about your typical mistakes in communication, and it will become much more harmonious!
It seems to us that since we learned words in childhood and learned how to put them into sentences, we can easily talk to people without worrying about being misunderstood or offended. After all, we speak the same language! However, it is not. It's never too late to learn to communicate! Here are the 5 most common mistakes in communication!
Error 1
Different languages
Each person has his own vocabulary, which he actively uses. It depends on his upbringing, the environment in which he moves, age and experience. Are you often offended by a teenager’s words? Does a pensioner always understand you when you, for example, say: “I’m promoting my company” or “This is a cool top”?
When communicating with people, try to take this factor into account. Use words that they understand, otherwise disagreements, and even insults, cannot be avoided.
Error 2
Verbal and non-verbal
Do your words always match your tone and your gestures? If you say to a person in a sad tone: “It’s a beautiful morning,” this phrase is unlikely to cheer him up, and he will also doubt that you really want to communicate with him. The interlocutor first of all reads the intonation, and only then delves into the meaning of your words. And your true intentions are revealed by your gestures and posture, and a person perceives them on a subconscious level. If they go against your words, the interlocutor becomes wary and begins to suspect you of secret, clearly unfriendly intentions. Try to match the meaning of your words and the way you pronounce them.
Error 3
Fear to clarify
For some reason, we often find it awkward to ask a person what exactly he meant. Perhaps the cause of awkwardness is the fear of seeming stupid, incompetent or tactless. However, when the cost of a mistake is quite high, you should overcome yourself and still clarify: “If I understand you correctly, do you want me to bring you a report no later than three hours?” Agree: a moment of awkwardness is better than a ruined business!
Error 4
Mood Transfer
The habit of being absent from the “here and now” can create difficulties in communication. For example, you are talking with a neighbor on a neutral topic, but at the same time you are thinking about troubles at work, and for the hundredth time you are angry with your boss or colleague. Your experiences will be reflected, against your will, and the interlocutor will feel them. The tone of voice, the expression on your face, your anger at a random remark from your neighbor - all this does not apply to her personally, but it offends her specifically. During a conversation, try to completely immerse yourself in it, discarding thoughts about extraneous objects, and focus on the interlocutor.
Error 5
Disputes out of nowhere
You may really not like the way your interlocutor thinks, but you have now approached him with a specific task: help with documents, vacuum the room, sell a bottle of perfume. However, you are easily distracted from your goal and start arguing with him - about clothes, politics, celebrities. These arguments only complicate your communication and do not help you achieve your goal. Think about it: is it really important to you what political views the doctor treating you adheres to? After all, you came to him for a prescription for an illness. So talk to him about it.published
Error No1. Reluctance and inability to listen. Since people subconsciously think that they see and hear everything that is happening, they very quickly draw conclusions - before they receive sufficient information to make a conclusion. To stop the process of producing hypotheses, which are immediately assigned the status of truth, you need to use a strong-willed effort to direct attention to your interlocutor, trying to understand what exactly he wanted to say. Words are just labels for meanings, and these labels refer to completely different meanings in different contexts, which do not coincide in the minds of different people. This means that we all understand words differently, which are already unable to contain the designated content. So the feelings that a person talks about are not at all the same as the words that he utters, and of course, they are not at all what we will understand from what we hear.
To listen and hear, you need to be aware that each person has his own subjective reality. None of us perceives the world as it is. We perceive it the way we have learned to perceive it. You also need to pay attention to the interlocutor, and not to your ideas about what is happening. Reluctance and inability to listen is baggage that we inherited from the childish, self-centered world. We need to recognize this fact and start working on it.
Error No2. Lost contact. Expressing a thought precisely in words, clearly and compactly is a very difficult and remarkable skill. The difficulty in communicating with words is that you need (on the internal plane) to choose words and at the same time (on the external plane) without losing contact with the interlocutor. You can often observe how, having begun to formulate his thought, a person withdraws into himself and loses contact with his interlocutor or audience, stops paying attention to their reactions and therefore is unable to adequately respond to these reactions. One of the unpleasant consequences of losing contact is the monologue of the interlocutor.
The ability to maintain contact can only be developed through special training - for this, during the communication process, try to always keep your attention on your interlocutors, tracking their reactions. The ability to express a thought compactly, clearly and accurately comes only with a constant desire to make statements as precise, compact and clear as possible. To do this, you need to read books and work on the content and form of your statements.
Error No3. Lie. If there is a lie in our life, then something is wrong with our life, it needs to be changed. If we don’t change anything that makes us lie, then we find ourselves forced to serve our lie. So excuses turn into explanations for us and separate us even from loved ones. A lie (in any form) is something that does not exist. The moment a person lies, he ceases to exist as a strong-willed, creative and constructive “I”. In communication, lying leads to serious problems and distances us from solving truly important problems.
To stop lying, you need to eliminate cowardice, you need to recognize yourself as existing and having free will.
Error No4. Lack of feedback. In the process of communication, it is necessary not only to maintain contact, but also to give feedback to the interlocutor, allowing him to judge how well you understand him and whether you understand him at all.
Weak, untrained reflection does not allow most people to track all the significant consequences of their actions, which means they need to be helped in this - by giving them adequate feedback in which a person could see himself and, thanks to this, correct his inadequate perception or behavior. Good feedback is specific, constructive, and motivates development.
Error No5. Detachment. Words alone are not enough for effective communication. To keep people's attention, you need to cultivate three traits in yourself:
Engagement and inspiration. Developing the ability to concentrate on action, the ability to devote oneself to a task entirely. After the tasks are defined, it is necessary to learn to “be absorbed” by the task in the good sense of being “captured” by it. People's attention involuntarily focuses on people who are fully involved in and excited about what they are doing.
Confidence. Developing the ability to be a focused and at the same time relaxed person. The secret of confidence is the ability to concentrate on the task, not on the assessment. When you speak, you focus on the meaning of what you are saying and on the feedback from the other person. But don't focus on the idea that you are being evaluated in any way, otherwise you will lose confidence.
Brightness. Developing the ability to emotionally color speech, allowing oneself to accompany emotions with expressive facial expressions and movements.
Error No6. Resistance to development. Instead of admitting mistakes and developing, people spend too much energy looking for reasons why this is not possible.
Resistance to development is the inertia of our self-image. In fact, we can change at any moment, each of us. You just need to be informed about this. We are not our idea of ourselves, nor the expectations of others, we are the authors of our states and our lives. We can learn anything - some faster, some slower, in different things in different ways. Self-discipline works wonders when a person stops holding on to his “self-image” and actively learns, receives information and draws conclusions.
Error No7. Seeking approval from others. Seeking approval robs you of independence and critical thinking. And the point is not that you can’t be good to everyone. What’s more important is something fundamentally new, counting only on the approval of the people around you.
Dependence on the approval of other people, on their opinions, is a childhood habit that we inherited from the time of complete dependence on adults. Through the presence or absence of approval, we could know what was right and true and what was not. However, an adult has more reliable criteria for truth - scientific analysis, logic, experiment and testing of knowledge in practice. If you do not get rid of childhood habits, you will have to maintain them throughout your life.
Error No8. Negative thinking. Negative thinking is denying and pessimistic thinking in which a person focuses on what he does not want instead of focusing on what he does want. The consequence of negative thinking is negative speech, which does not help, but hinders achieving constructive results.
To learn positive thinking, you need to change the focus of attention, by an effort of will, tearing it away from the images of what you would like to get rid of and directing your attention to what needs to be done to achieve the desired result.
Error No9. Bias. Existing experience colors new data coming from the world, fitting it to what has already happened. In psychology it is called “change blindness.” We are accustomed to holding on to first opinions and impressions, stopping to process new information, even if it continues to arrive. Bias increases by orders of magnitude when it comes to emotionally charged things or communicating with people you don’t like.
To overcome bias, you need to remember the goals of communication and strive to solve the problem, concentrating not on your emotional reactions, but on the necessary actions to find an acceptable solution.
Error No10. Mistrust. Mistrust is a form of disunity between people. It is disunity that makes manipulation of entire nations and violence possible. The benefits of suspicion are questionable. True trust between colleagues and partners works wonders, but mistrust destroys even the most profitable joint ventures. Mistrust steals our time and energy, taking it away to protect ourselves from non-existent threats.
Strong-willed intention towards people, towards their intentions, allows you to change relationships. This is not naivety, but a formative faith, a purposeful influence that results in constructive relationships of partnership and cooperation.
Error No11. Loss of meaning. Often in a communication situation, topics are touched upon that are not directly related to the subject of the conversation. Sometimes these are necessary distractions - to clarify positions, terms, or as a way to relieve tension, but even more often they are distractions from the main thing. As a result, this main thing is eroded or completely lost.
To eliminate this communication error, it is necessary to keep the meaning in the background in a communication situation - why am I saying this now, what questions are important to discuss and what questions to get answers to. Questions to yourself help to adjust your attention, for example, “What is the main thing in this situation?” Understanding the context is critical to finding the right answers to these questions. It is the context that often determines the meaning of a conversation. By creating or changing contexts, for example, professional, business, social or personal communication, we can change the meaning of joint communication.
It is also important not to allow interlocutors to be distracted from the subject of discussion for a long time. To do this, you need to learn to interrupt kindly and return the conversation to the dark, for example, with the phrase: “Let me interrupt you, if I understand correctly, now it’s important for us...” and clarify what exactly.
Error No12. Expectations. Expectations are a passive, childish attitude towards the result, as if the desired result must happen to us. Naturally, expectations are not met and lead to suffering.
It is dangerous to focus on your expectations during communication. If the desired result is really important, it must be achieved through actions, real actions. It is also dangerous to be influenced by the expectations of others. This is a trap that is easy to fall into if you like your interlocutor. Having tracked the expectation that was “hung” on you, but which you are not going to justify, give feedback, kindly show that you do not consider yourself obligated to follow this expectation. Thus, return responsibility for expectations to their source.
Error No13. Manipulation. Manipulation is an attempt to covertly control people's actions in order to obtain personal gain. Nobody likes to be manipulated. Trying to get your way through manipulation will inevitably, sooner or later, lead to even greater disunity and loss of trust.
Instead of manipulation, it is necessary to choose methods of openly posing the problem and searching for a constructive joint solution. This approach inspires trust and respect.
The article appeared thanks to the work of Vadim Levkin, Karl and Nossrat Pezeshkian.
Dmitry Dudalov