Of course, you won’t become an extrovert, but just try on his mask. After all, this personality characteristic cannot be changed. But sometimes you just need to take best qualities extroverts to achieve goals. Business coach Nancy Ankowitz spoke about how to do this.
Listen. “Many people don't understand what the other person is saying,” says Katie Black, president of Hearst Magazines. – Speak slowly, outline your arguments, repeat them again and listen to your interlocutor. It's not just a matter of listening to his voice. Watch your facial expressions and gestures. If your interlocutor has “closed down”, it will be written on his face. Is he checking his email on his smartphone and interrupting you for the sixteenth time? You've lost it. You can say something like: “I think I’ll come by some other time, you’re very, very, very busy.” Black concludes: “Interaction with the interlocutor is extremely important, it is the sum of all components, and not just verbal ones.”
Interrupt. I once heard an introverted girl say that sometimes she would like to just insert a word into the conversation of her interlocutor. It will probably seem strange to you that I suggest you interrupt, although I just advised you to listen. Don’t let this bother you; interrupting is sometimes quite appropriate and even necessary. Michelle Wucker, executive director of the World Policy Institute, explains how she, as an introvert, copes with herself during television appearances: “The hardest thing was learning how to interrupt someone. And since television is a show, this is what is expected of you. I just decided that I would do it and that's it. I tried many times and suddenly it just happened. Now I even enjoy my debates with Pat Buchanan because I can say, “Wow! Today the last word remained with me."
Return to dialogue after you have been interrupted. Extroverts love to talk and are just waiting for you to shut up. They won't let you get a word in until they're done. So when talking to extroverts, you will either have to sit quietly or you will have to make yourself noticed. “Sometimes you need to be firm and politely point out that your interlocutor is interrupting you. Smile and say, “Let me finish my thought, and then we'll be happy to hear from you,” or “I think it's my turn to talk,” says Kathleen Waldron, Ph.D., president of Baruch College and a very outgoing introvert. In her opinion, a little humor here never hurts.
Share your thoughts. Your colleagues can't read minds, so no one at work will praise you if your ideas stay in your head. “Introverts don’t share what they have. You just have to get it out of yourself. Personally, I very often want to know more. "Help me understand what you're thinking," says Michael Bronstein, a fellow of the American Society of Actuaries, a fellow of the American Academy of Actuaries, and an extroverted actuary who works for Aetna Inc. I met Bronstein at a large regional actuarial conference. He carried on the conversation as if he were racing in a convertible, picking up more passengers at every turn.
Give signals.“I'm an extrovert, so every time I meet someone I try to find clues about how to interact with that person,” says Elizabeth Gilday, co-creator of New York University's Advanced Coaching Program and president of Indigo Resources, Inc. . “It’s important for me to establish a connection.” So I Special attention I take the time to show that I understand you, and I also expect a signal from you that you understand me. By giving me such a signal, you satisfy my need as an extrovert.”
Be in public. You may find it difficult to socialize too much, but being around people is important. Plan and think about where and how you spend your time. “You don’t have to be the loudest or the funniest in the group. Instead, you are the person who is always there and who always has information,” says Shoya Zishi, an extrovert and author (with Anne Bidoux) of Career Match. Come and talk to a few key figures and go home.
Position yourself as an expert. Think about how you can make your knowledge invaluable to others. You need to be known as a “lifesaver” in your professional field. Find it in yourself strengths introvert and describe them, or make presentations that highlight your competitive advantages compared to others. "Let's say you're an expert on ferrets," says Howard Greenstein, a strategist at in social networks and President of the consulting company Harbrooke Group. – By publishing one ferret article per week for 52 weeks, your name will rise much higher in search engine rankings for the term “ferret” than if you had a “Ferret Expert” website.
Achieve success by solving pressing problems.“The first way to succeed is to create something for yourself and hope that what you create will be useful to someone else,” says one of my clients, successful artist, filmmaker and teacher Michael Somoroff. – I am a supporter of a different method. It is about studying the needs of other people and implementing your project by finding a solution to satisfy their desires. This allows you to achieve a kind of success as your projects take specific place in our world, since people need them.” Michael's advice is based on the success of his own stellar career: his lectures on topics related to art and spirituality are in high demand, and his work is featured in the Museum contemporary art in New York, he is the only artist other than Barnett Newman to be invited to exhibit his work at the famous Rothko Chapel in Houston. He is also one of the most successful commercial film directors worldwide.
Become an insider. In order to successfully promote yourself, you don't have to brag. “The experience I gained as a TV presenter and actor (very various areas), tells me that it’s not just those who self-confidently praise themselves who are making their way forward, notes actor and TV presenter with many years of experience Brad Holbrook. – At first, those people who do not strive to attract all the attention of others get less “spectacular” positions, for example, editor or producer in a news broadcast. However, once you get on the team, many of the imagined fears go away. So if you are interested in some more prestigious work, such as being a reporter or an actor, it may not be so unimaginable.”
Let other people spread your ideas.“Self-promotion is the wrong way to go,” says Seth Godin, marketing expert and best-selling author. – We now live in a time when what you really need is “promotion at the expense of others.” The most influential people don't promote themselves. Other people make a name for them. Chuck Close - famous actor, who, however, does not run back and forth across the stage - he is confined to a wheelchair. People talk about him and his work becomes widely known. But not at the expense of Chuck Close, Godin adds. - So, the opportunity is to not make an excuse about being an introvert. You need to say: “If I really did something that greatly changed our world, they will talk about me. This is your responsibility."
The most interesting thing is that you will never be sure who is an introvert and who is an extrovert, especially if your interlocutors are good educated people middle aged. However, even just being able to clearly differentiate between extrovert and introvert and paying close attention to your partner's cues in conversation will give you a good push forward.
Many reserved people want to know how to become an extrovert. You know that it can be difficult to change even one habit. However, there are tips for changing yourself. , you will learn from these tips.
1. You must find out what type of extrovert you want to be. Which extrovert best matches your ideal? Find positive traits extrovert. It is likely that you could not become one because you do not see anything positive in an extrovert.
3. Look for social group, which suits you. You must understand who you want to communicate with. Age, gender, place of residence and place of work do not matter. The more diverse your social circle is, the better.
4. Play to your strengths. On the Internet, many introverts do not feel uncomfortable communicating. They use their experience and their positive qualities. Bring it into reality.
5. Join some society. This is the most effective method. Here you will find those people who are like-minded people, and this greatly facilitates understanding and communication. If, after joining a society, you realize that you have made a mistake, leave it and find something more suitable for you. Don’t get carried away; a maximum of two societies will fully satisfy your need for communication.
6. Consciously develop your communication skills. You not only have to master theoretical knowledge, but also to develop these skills in practice. It’s great if you’ve familiarized yourself with the rules of dating, maintaining a conversation, and know how to stay calm in any society. Without practice, your knowledge will remain dead, unclaimed cargo. Start communicating, meeting someone, hone your communication skills and from an introvert, you will very soon turn into a real extrovert.
People's personalities and temperaments differ. One of the most significant differences is the way humans obtain energy.
On this basis, introverts and extroverts are distinguished. Conventionally, these concepts can be considered “personality types.”
Extrovert on the blog, introvert at home. Sometimes I wanted to slap myself!
Justine. This morning I decided to stop eating
Main characteristics of introverts and extroverts
To more accurately understand the nature of introversion and extraversion, it is necessary to determine by what characteristics psychologists distinguish these two personality types.So, characteristic features it could be considered:
- lack of need for frequent communication with people;
- Very high level comfort alone;
- dislike of crowded and noisy places;
- silence, prudence, high degree self-control;
- a certain alienation from strangers and unfamiliar people (introverts invariably value close people very highly);
- the need for regular “reclusion” and restoration of energy.
Extroverts are the complete opposite introverts. Their features are:
- desire for constant communication with others;
- need for attention from friends and strangers;
- craving for large crowds of people, mass events;
- poor control over own emotions(an extrovert may cry for no reason, and then laugh a few minutes later);
- tendency to rapid mood changes (as a consequence of the previous point);
- Very a large number of energy.
Energy and two personality types
The already mentioned energy is present in all people. These are ours vitality. And it is precisely in what way a person receives and restores energy that determines whether he is an extrovert or an introvert:The former constantly “feed” by being in the center of attention and communicating on any topic, while loneliness quickly drains them.
The latter quickly “discharge” next to big amount people who require their attention. An introvert isn't rude or shy, they just don't have the energy to talk to a stranger about the weather. In solitude, such people restore their energy supply.
Who is better?
It is important to understand that introversion and extroversion are not diseases or deviations. And, and introverts – absolutely normal people, which are simply different from each other.Second important point is that You can’t “correct” and become an extrovert/introvert! By the time a person realizes himself, he is already a formed personality (according to scientists, the formation of a personality type occurs in the first years of life). And all you have to do is accept yourself and develop all those positive sides, which are available for each type. No matter what society (which is now focused on extroverts) dictates to you, it is impossible to change and become different on the “extrovert-introvert” line. Any attempts at this will only undermine your mental and physical health.
Pros of each type
In general, it is believed that extroverts are superior to introverts in their development. This is a deep misconception. It’s just that each personality type has a predisposition to its own areas of activity and a list of positive qualities.Extroverts are suited to working with people and actively communicating with them, due to the following qualities:
- activity;
- optimism;
- initiative;
- high energy;
- readiness for work;
- openness.
Introverts are more adapted to independent and intellectual work. Their strengths:
- focus on the goal;
- self confidence;
- high self-control;
- creativity;
- efficiency.
Conclusion
However, there are not many pronounced introverts or extroverts. Most people belong to, that is, they organically combine features of both types. Ambiverts may have a slight lean towards a certain side. Such people are also absolutely normal and do not have an unambiguous expressed way gaining or wasting energy.Imagine that you work in a team that is usually called friendly and united. Joint corporate events and collective outings, discussion of something interesting that is not directly related to the work process, just a nice chat about nothing during a break - all this is in the order of things.
And suddenly a person appears on your team who does not want to participate in all this mess, i.e. " public life" He simply comes to work, conscientiously fulfills his duties, communicates with colleagues only due to operational necessity, and tries to skip joint unofficial events under any pretext. Moreover, he looks like once again I don’t want to approach: I’m either gloomy or offended. At the same time, he can work really well and a lot, come up with initiatives and sensible proposals, but will he be accepted by the team? Won't it arouse suspicion?
IN best case scenario, such a person will be considered “weird” and left alone, but will be kept in a certain isolation and is unlikely to be offered a leadership position or promotion. At worst, they will try to get rid of it, because it is not clear how to build with it teamwork and generally interact.
In fact, there is nothing strange about this man. He is not a psychopath, not a sociopath, and in general, he can relate well to others. He's just an introvert.
Let's start with the fact that introversion is neither “good” nor “bad.” It's just a feature of the body, like hair color or nose shape. Only this feature concerns not the appearance, but the method nervous system respond to stimuli, i.e. to the surrounding reality and adapt to it.
You will be surprised, but there will definitely be people who will be captivated by your idea. More than one example is already known when people, thanks to this service, found not just like-minded people, but acquired business partners and even investors. And all this without personal meetings, offline presentations and other PR.
Thus, you can acquire an extroverted partner to develop your business, who will take on the public presentation part of the work. You understand that for further “promotion” you cannot do without this, so why not delegate this part of the work to someone who really knows how and loves to do it?
It seems that an introvert inherently cannot become a leader, manager, public person- after all, this is contrary to his nature. In fact, saying this is the same as saying that a person with a non-model appearance cannot become an actor.
Abraham Lincoln, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Harrison Ford, Mark Zuckerberg, Mahatma Gandhi, Steven Spielberg, Marilyn Monroe, Elon Musk - all these people are introverts. Did this prevent them from becoming noticeable, famous, even cult figures? Not at all. An introverted leader is not nonsense. Often, such individuals are able to play this role better than recognized extroverts.
How do they do it?
In fact, introverts have many advantages over extroverts:
- They are used to thinking more carefully and formulating their thoughts before saying or doing something.
- They are more attentive to the people and surroundings, which means they are able to more objectively assess the situation in which they find themselves.
- They are able to more easily build trusting one-on-one relationships, gathering around them not a crowd of fans, but a reliable circle of like-minded people.
- They are able to process large amounts of information and work “for results”, not paying attention to personal ambitions.
- Occupying a leading position, they strengthen it not by superiority over others, but by increasing their own prestige through the exchange of information, strengthening connections, and caring for their employees and subordinates.
- And finally, introverts understand that to achieve a certain position they need more time to develop the necessary skills and study, so, as a rule, they are rarely amateurs in their field.
Image is nothing?
Although, of course, introverts still have to, if not learn to be extroverts, then at least pretend to be one. Unfortunately, society is structured in such a way that often the first impression of a person plays a decisive role in further communication and cooperation with him.
Thus, in different situations, the purpose of which can largely be defined as “to produce favorable impression“, the introvert will have to play by the general rules for some time.
At an interview or business negotiations, at the first personal meeting with partners and in other similar situations you'll have to pay attention
- On your image, and this applies not only appearance, but also the things with which you surround yourself during such a conversation - from accessories and car brand to the place where this meeting will be held.
- On the manner of dialogue and its content.
However, if an introvert needs to play the role of an extrovert, he can do it brilliantly. True, he will need to comprehensively study the question of “how this happens for them” and carefully prepare accordingly.
To argue that an introvert who strives for success less problems, than an extrovert will have an injustice. Yes, there are problems, and they will have to be solved. This must be realized and accepted.
This does not mean that you need to set a goal to turn into an extrovert - such a metamorphosis is hardly possible even due to physiological reasons. However, there is still a solution. The essence of it is to understand your strengths and weak sides and learn to compensate for the latter at the expense of the former.
Another thing that any introvert needs to take for granted: not interacting with people in modern world it is almost impossible to achieve anything, so you still have to look for optimal ways and means of interaction.
Here are just a few solutions that will help an introvert find the right strategy for interacting with people:
- Focus not on PR, but on quality final result your activities. By impressing or surprising other people, you will get them to want to talk about you and what you do. Give them this opportunity by sharing your successes with people.
- Provide yourself with the opportunity to restore resources after you feel that they are running out.
- Think not about how difficult it will be to perform this or that action, but about the result. Focusing on results helps you concentrate on the task and distract from irritating factors that arise in the process of solving it.
- Don't avoid working in a team. Remember that meetings, negotiations, presentations and communication are only a small component collective activity. The main thing is the final “product” created as a result general work. The advantages of team play for an introvert are that in a team he has the opportunity to leave the external, “presentational” part of the activity to someone else, and do what he really knows.
- Get out of your comfort zone: meet new people, learn how to conduct telephone conversations, learn other skills that extroverts have - this will not only help your business, but will also contribute to the development of your personality. Come up with techniques that help you, even if they look unusual - the main thing is that they work.
By the way, in mastering new skills, acquiring necessary skills and overcoming various kinds difficulties, the goal setting service can serve as an excellent working tool to help you approach existing problem solve it comprehensively and effectively.
“I have been tormented by this question for several days now. I asked it to everyone I know and everyone I don’t know. I asked professional psychologists and teachers, no one gives a definite answer, opinions are divided. One thing unites people: almost everything is perceived as something negative and uncomfortable. And I believe that initially we are all ambiverts, but while we grow and develop, while we are raised, some qualities from one side or another begin to prevail in us. Therefore, when developing a personality during puberty, we already classify ourselves as extra- or intro-. But we are always changing - and inner world, and views, and circumstances, and environment - and our temperament is also subject to change. So an extrovert can become an introvert and vice versa, but the second is more difficult due to the stereotypes of society. I address you as an authority in the field of psychology. What do you think about this and why?
Sandra, 23 years old
Larisa Kharlanova, psychologist:
“Hello, Sandra!
Introversion or extroversion is not something that can be brought up in us - just like temperament, however.
If we acquire this way of communicating with the world, it is very early in childhood. All we can do is take into account this peculiarity of ourselves, accepting important decisions about a profession or when faced with something that is very difficult for us to do and in which it is difficult to participate. People evaluate introverts negatively because they don’t really understand what they’re talking about. we're talking about. It is easy to confuse with schizoid traits or with autistic manifestations.
We have almost no chance to develop the other side of ourselves almost as well as the dominant one. When raising children and choosing activities for them, it is very important to take into account their characteristics, protecting them from unnecessary overwork. But it is known that many people become more extroverted in the second half of life and, conversely, introversion becomes available to extroverts.
Recently, in the audience of a psychological club in Zurich - the old building where the Institute was founded - the phrase was heard: “I understand that 90% of the people present here now are introverts, but I propose...” The leader of the meeting invited everyone to stand up and get acquainted with with as many people as possible, the time for each “meeting” was limited and at the sound of the gong it was necessary to move on to another person.
It is known that most people who choose the profession of psychologist are introverts. For example, it was difficult for me to talk and meet a new person every 5 minutes, but when I realized that this was only because I was an introvert, that, in the end, the opposite person was the same person and that everything was really difficult case, limited to 5 minutes, I was able to relax, turn it into a game for myself and enjoy the communication. And an extrovert wouldn’t even think for a second about starting to communicate.
An introvert is not someone who cannot communicate, it is a person who is always and first of all turned inward. An introvert can act like an extrovert, but it will require more mental energy from him.”