“The human family, unlike the “family” of animals, is a whole island of spiritual life. And if it does not correspond to this, then it is doomed to decomposition and decay,” said the Russian philosopher Ivan Ilyin. IN modern society the decomposition and disintegration of the family is not considered something tragic; family life is often initially viewed as something temporary. Not all is well in Orthodox families, largely because Christian traditions family life Today they are just being revived. About the main ones family problems ah, misconceptions and questions we talk with the cleric of Ioannovsky Stauropegial convent(St. Petersburg) Archpriest Dimitry Galkin.
Traditions are truly lost: today Christian tradition it is basically impossible to revive it in the form it was 100 years ago. Therefore, it must be built anew, and here everyone Christian family you have to proceed by trial and error.
One of the most significant “family” problems is that often spouses are at opposite spiritual poles: she is a believer, and he is an unbeliever, or one of the spouses may be a representative of a different religion, denomination, or even sect. The family life of such people is full internal tension and we can only advise one thing: to strive with all our might for mutual patience. There are also other, more smoothed intrafamily combinations. For example, when a husband or wife is indifferent to the spouse’s faith, or when one of the spouses is less churchgoer and someone is more. In all these cases, the best consoling and conciliatory means is also prayer and trust in the will of God.
- But with the best intentions, you want your spouse to also believe, you want to do everything possible for this?
Among the common family problems, I would like to highlight the problem of the neophyte of a husband or wife. Most of The modern flock is people who have come to faith over the past decade and a half, or even less, which affects their entire way of life. As a rule, those who are on the path to churching are “on fire” in spirit and often try to “drive” everyone around them into the Kingdom of Heaven and into the Church with a knotty stick. Naturally, such excesses cause rejection among neighbors. And here you need to more often resort to the advice of the priest to whom you are confessing. You must feel with all the depth of your consciousness that every person is given free will, everyone has their own time frame for coming to Christ, and understand one very important truth: just because someone has not come to faith, he has not ceased to be a person.
- Can a wife treat an unbelieving husband as the head of the family?
Not only can, but also must treat him as the head of the family: honor him, love and respect him. There is direct advice to this from the Apostle Peter: an unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife (1 Cor. 7:14).
- What should a wife do if her husband prevents her from attending Church?
And here you need to ask the question: “why does he interfere?” Who is right if the husband comes home tired, and his wife, instead of feeding him or communicating with him, studies spiritual literature or reads an hour and a half prayer rule? All this can cause him to become embittered not only against his wife, but also against the Church. Maybe here the wife herself needs to think about what exactly irritates her husband in her Christian asceticism. Or go to the priest and ask how she needs to adjust her behavior. In the pastoral practice of most priests, there are a great many examples of this kind, so we can usually make a recommendation based on the mistakes of others. It’s another matter if the husband is an active anti-Christian, but this happens extremely rarely.
What are (besides participation in church life) the fundamental differences between an Orthodox family and a family consisting of non-church people, but intelligent, decent and treating each other with respect?
People who lead a correct religious life bear on their faces the indelible imprint of joy and inner communion with God. Those who lead ethically moral life, that is, members of prosperous but unbelieving families still have a greater degree of suffering and discontent in their hearts. In addition, for a believer, adultery is a mortal sin. An unbeliever does not have this limiting bar, so in our time we can observe the practice of adultery reduced to the level social norm. Often people who have received the most wonderful upbringing, but do not have the Light of Christ in their hearts, perceive betrayal this way.
Is female leadership acceptable in an Orthodox family, and what should the relationship be like between a wife with a domineering character and an insecure husband?
Experience shows that those families where a woman is the leader are disharmonious. And not only the man (the so-called henpecked man) suffers from this, but also his wife. Oddly enough, women with a leadership character, every single one, complain that their husband is a doormat. Every time I want to say: “Sorry, but you made a rag out of him!” Here you can give one piece of advice: dear women, be leaders at work, reveal yourself in public life, but do not forget that the family is a God-ordained institution and it presupposes an internal hierarchy that does not obey popular stereotypes. Most reliable way V similar situation give power in the family into the hands of the husband. And it’s okay if at first the husband makes mistakes when making some family decisions. Let him make mistakes, but the family balance will be restored, and the man will feel like a man, and it will be much easier for the woman. The most best phrase in such cases - “let it be as you decide.” After all, as soon as a man gets the opportunity to act, he usually begins to show himself in the fullness of good masculine qualities. On the contrary, when a man finds himself “under the thumb,” this always causes him enormous internal discomfort, requiring compensation, which can be expressed in drunkenness, adultery, or leaving the family.
Very often women complain: “we lived for 20 years in perfect harmony, but he up and left - a snake under the well took him away”... But the chest usually just opens and in the course of the conversation, as a rule, it turns out that everything was completely wrong, and all 20 years of family life, the husband was under constant psychological pressure. And one day he finally found a person who was ready to look into his mouth. Therefore, if you want your family to have harmonious relationships, regardless of the character and temperament of the spouse, it is imperative to regulate everything according to the Gospel model. Namely: the head of the wife is the husband, and the head of the husband is Christ.
Traditionally it is believed that calling married woman in raising children, in caring for a husband, in housework, and so on. But in our time, even Orthodox women rarely lead such an “intrafamily” lifestyle. Is it natural for modern woman to look for ways for self-realization outside the family or is it better to do without it?
Complete dedication to the family was considered the norm for a married woman 100-150 years ago, but in our time such a model of behavior, it seems to me, is not viable. Experience shows that mothers who have looked after their children for 2-3 years in a row begin to slowly go crazy. This happens for obvious reasons. From morning to evening life moves on vicious circle: feeding the children, shopping, walking, feeding the children again and so on. And of course a woman living in modern conditions, and for someone with a good outlook, this turns out to be not enough. Therefore, it seems to me that it is wrong to put Orthodox mothers in strict blinders. And it’s more logical that when children reach a certain age, they still have to go to work.
- Is what you said applicable to a large family?
A large family is a special case and here it is impossible for a woman to work, unless it is very rich family, which has the means to provide multiple nannies. But the desire to have many children and the financial viability of parents rarely coincide.
Having many children is a feat that spouses consciously undertake, and here, of course, a woman must realize that by giving birth to a fourth or fifth child, she is practically blocking her opportunity professional self-realization in future. But raising children can be fun creative process, yes and conducting household provides many opportunities for creativity and improvisation.
What are the situations in which an Orthodox person has the moral right to divorce his spouse?
The Book of Genesis and the Gospels clearly say that initially the family was conceived by the Lord God as something indivisible, as a dual unity of one flesh - husband and wife; it is no coincidence that the Holy Scripture says that the two will become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). Therefore, the Church has always been categorically against divorce. Another thing is that there are such life conditions when divorce becomes inevitable. And church law has developed on this matter whole line canonical norms. A person from whom a spouse leaves is considered innocent in the face of the Church and is not excommunicated from communion. As for the initiator of the divorce, by leaving the family and marrying someone else, he was considered guilty of adultery and was excommunicated from the sacrament for long periods. Nowadays such strict canonical norms are rarely applied, but, nevertheless, the question of the guilt of the divorce initiator is considered in a special way. IN social concept Russian Orthodox Church acceptable reasons for dissolution of a marriage are defined. In particular, the following things are mentioned. This is the infidelity of one of the spouses, an abortion against the will of the other spouse, as well as alcoholism or drug addiction of one of the family members. But I would like to emphasize that the issue of divorce is always very difficult and it should be resolved only after all possible attempts to save the family.
And we must never forget that family life is, among other things, also a cross. It is no coincidence that in the Sacrament of Marriage a troparion is sung to the holy martyrs, because the family is the most grace-filled martyrdom, which neither more nor less elevates a person to the Kingdom of Heaven.
In the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church there are words that in cases where there is a direct threat to the life of the mother during the continuation of pregnancy, especially if she has other children, it is recommended in pastoral practice to show leniency, that is, to give her permission to have an abortion. Could you explain these words?
Under no circumstances can a priest bless an abortion or even give advice to have an abortion. If we talk about leniency, then this is extremely complex issue and it always needs to be decided individually. In my practice, there have been many cases when sometimes terrible diagnoses made during the prenatal period did not justify themselves. One incident happened a few weeks ago. A woman from a family of our parishioners became pregnant with her fourth child. The doctors told her that the birth would be severe and strongly recommended that she have an abortion. Several times the tests gave terrifying results. The matter ended with the mother giving up on the doctors, and as a result, an absolutely healthy boy was born. Or more terrible incident: An ultrasound showed that the baby in the womb seems to have no face. And my mother recently got married, she had her first desired pregnancy, and she came with the question “what should she do?” We thought, prayed and decided: let her give birth, and if later it becomes completely unbearable, then she will give him to an orphanage. It ended with her relatives and doctors persuading her to have a late-term abortion, and it turned out that the ultrasound was wrong - the child was healthy.
Therefore, one must be very careful in relation to what are called “medical indications”. If we talk about a direct threat to the mother’s life, then it must be said that childbirth is martyrdom and a feat. And if a mother finds the strength to neglect her life and safety and make a sacrifice for the sake of her child, then this will be an expression of high Christian martyrdom, which leads to eternal salvation. But she must make the final decision herself.
How should people who committed it out of ignorance, before they joined the Orthodox faith and came to the Church, treat the sin of abortion?
First of all, repent. And trusting in God’s mercy is no sin that cannot be repented of. Here we can advise, on the one hand, to tearfully mourn this sin, but on the other hand, not to fall into despair because of it. Very often, women literally become fixated on the previously committed sin of abortion or abortions, and this self-flagellation causes depression, despondency and despair in them. But Christ did not come to this earth, become incarnate, crucified and resurrected so that we would give in to despair, but so that we would have the opportunity to be liberated from sins and communion with the Lord God.
- Please tell me what it should be like proper upbringing children in the Orthodox faith?
First of all, it is necessary to accustom the child to worship and to regular confession and communion. Secondly, it is imperative to accustom your child to reading morning and evening prayers. Let at first in some feasible volume, but regularly, daily, including prayers before and after meals. Of course they are necessary joint readings church literature: at first it could be a children's Bible, the Law of God, later - books Holy Scripture. It is necessary to conduct conversations with the child about confession, about communion, about the basics of church services, that is, gradually give him all the information that is necessary for joining the church. In addition, the child must see and feel that the center of the family is Christ. That any serious matter and an important event accompanied by prayer, surrender to the will of God. All this taken together lays a positive foundation for religious education.
But often young families are faced with a paradoxical situation. It seems that both husband and wife are believers, their children began to be involved in church life from childhood, but... the children, upon reaching adolescence suddenly they begin to rebel against the Church. It is possible that the answer lies in the lack of continuity of traditions. It is interesting that if in a family not only mother and father are believers, but also grandparents (which is rare in our time), then often the child’s departure from the temple either does not occur, or it is more smoothed out. And vice versa: when the parents of a church-going husband and wife do not care at all about the Church, the likelihood of their grandchildren cooling off towards the Orthodox faith increases.
- What should parents do in such a situation, how to return their children to the fold of the Church?
This is a question of questions, since 15-16 years old is no longer the age when you can take a person by the hand and lead a person to church. All that remains is to pray and hope that the seeds that were sown in childhood, will sprout, which happens very often. Another thing is that parents, watching their children move away from the Church, often begin to panic. But exhortations and tears will not help here. In these circumstances, we must hope that not only we, the parents, care about our children, but the Lord God does not forget them either.
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
The story of the passion of Christ begins with the story of the anointing of Jesus in Bethany. Bethany is a small village near Jerusalem, where the Lord Jesus Christ stopped on the eve of His suffering on the cross, on the eve of His last Easter. As He reclined with the disciples at a meal, a certain woman suddenly entered, broke an alabaster vessel, and poured fragrant myrrh on the head of the Lord Jesus Christ. In general, Jewish women were very fond of incense, and many of them wore a small alabaster vessel with fragrant oils around their necks. Alavaster is the well-known alabaster. It is porous, so the contents of the vessel easily penetrate the walls of the vessel and are fragrant. Such a vessel could smell fragrant for years. These things were very, very expensive. The disciples themselves valued the broken vessel at three hundred denarii. This is approximately the annual salary of an employee. Or another example, when the Lord fed five thousand people in the desert, the disciples said that two hundred denarii would not have been enough to feed them. That is, three hundred denarii is an amount sufficient to feed five thousand people. Why did the woman decide to do such an act? She brought Jesus a gift. Let's think about it, because the true gift is the gift that is associated with sacrifice. When we give something that we can easily make up for ourselves, it really is not a gift. And when we give a gift that surpasses our capabilities, this speaks of the deep purity of the gift being given. The Jews had this custom: when a guest came to the house, they usually poured a few drops of fragrant oil on his head. But the woman breaks the vessel and pours out all the oil. This again goes back to Jewish customs. When some noble person came to the house, outstanding man and drank from a cup, then this cup was broken so that the hand was less noble person this cup was never touched again. The woman also did the same with an alabaster vessel, from which she poured fragrant oil on the Lord Jesus Christ. The Evangelist Matthew, whose narrative we have just heard, persistently urges us to see in this action a symbol of the messianic dignity of the Lord Jesus Christ. "Christ" literally means "anointed one." Thus, the woman brings out the messianic dignity of Jesus of Nazareth.
But this action contains another important symbolic meaning, which neither the woman herself nor the disciples who were reclining at the meal understood, but which the Lord Jesus Christ understood. He saw in her action a prophetic action. He said so: “She has anointed My body for burial.” According to Jewish custom, when a person died, his body was washed with water, then anointed with fragrant oil, and the vessels in which this oil was brought were broken and placed directly in the coffin. The Lord predicts that very soon, not far off, the new era- the era of salvation, when Heaven will be opened, when sins will be forgiven, when the Covenant will be renewed. And this era will come so quickly and quickly that the disciples will not even have time to anoint the body of Jesus Christ after His death and adequately prepare it for burial.
Today we committed passion. This story is the only bright episode from the story of the passion of Christ. It is no coincidence that it is framed by two very gloomy narratives, namely, before the anointing of the Lord, it speaks of the council that the high priests and elders of men made in order to take Jesus by cunning and kill Him, and immediately after the story of the anointing there is an indication of the betrayal of Judas. And then everything will be harder and darker. Now we were making the first passion of four. This service is designed to give us the opportunity to join in the passions of Christ, to understand them more deeply, to try to get used to them, because one of the most important goals of Great Lent is the awareness of the saving feat that the Lord Jesus Christ suffered for you and me. To realize this feat is difficult, difficult, it requires internal effort and overcoming some internal resistance, but this must be done, because at this price you and I are saved, because it is in this way that the Lord God wisely delivers us from the hand of the devil and gives us the opportunity to commune eternal life. Amen.
The bursts of champagne died down, the cries of “bitter” died down... Now we are married. And what to do next? Who can tell? Maybe online friends or parents? It's so scary to be left alone with each other, especially when the first wave of love has rolled back from our shores. Here you cannot do without the advice of an experienced priest. Therefore, “Living Water” decided to find out about the problems of the young family from the cleric of the St. John’s Monastery, confessor of the youth club “Chaika”, Archpriest Dimitry Galkin.
Check by the registry office
-Father Dimitri, sincerely believing young people often have a maximalist attitude: why do I need marriage if there is a more preferable path to monasticism? How to figure out what to specific person better?
-Monasticism requires a special inner calling, a readiness to devote oneself entirely and without reserve to God. Of course, honor and praise to the person who chooses this service. But when thinking about the monastic path, it is necessary to measure your strength. Before you take final decision, it makes sense to live in a monastery as a laborer, to “try on” the monastic lifestyle. However, marriage also requires a lot of sacrifice from a person. Patience towards the infirmities of a spouse, colossal efforts to raise children, difficulties in organizing family life - all this is also the path of the cross. Which path is preferable?.. This is a question of questions, and a person must find the answer to it himself.
-Is it possible that awareness comes after marriage?
This means that a person does not love his partner, that’s all.
-So, getting divorced for the sake of monasticism is bad?!
-You still need to decide which path to take before getting married. Otherwise you may end up a traitor. Certainly, church history knows a lot of cases when family people went to the monastery. But, as a rule, this happened by mutual consent, when both spouses at some point in their lives realized the need to aspire to a higher spiritual life, when their children reached adulthood and all other obligations to the world were fulfilled. Let's remember St. Seraphim Vyritsky.
-However, what can we say about the desire for spiritual life if many people treat weddings formally...
-Orthodox Christians take the Sacrament of Marriage seriously. In relation to the unchurched, I would not use the cliché: “They get married because it’s fashionable.” As experience shows, even couples who are very far from the Church see in this Sacrament an attempt to give their marriage some fullness. Unfortunately, unchurched people tend to perceive a wedding magically, as a guarantee of good luck in the future. life together. And they are very surprised if their well-wed marriage then falls apart. This should be recalled: the grace of the Sacrament is not given mechanically, but is assimilated by a person to the extent of his aspiration for the Christian way of life. In my personal opinion, it makes sense for unchurched Christians to first get married in the registry office, and only after checking their feelings, having gone through a certain path of becoming a church member, get married. After all, participation in any church Sacrament not only imparts grace, but also imposes a certain responsibility. But, I emphasize, this is my personal opinion regarding the wedding of baptized Christians who are actually far from the Church.
-You’re talking about testing feelings. What does it mean? After all, feelings are an ephemeral thing.
-As a rule, the word “love” denotes that strong surge of feelings that arises in initial stage relationship between a man and a woman. But as psychologist and philosopher Erich Fromm brilliantly showed, this is not love yet, it is just attraction. True love must still be born and strengthened in marriage. Attraction is a derivative of emotions and physiology, while love is sacrificial in nature and is a derivative of the human will. Let us remember the words of Christ: “...love one another, as I have loved you” (John 15:12). And He loved us to the cross, to death. So in marriage, love is the willingness to serve each other, your family, your children.
-If the main thing is love, why do we need such a formality as civil registration?
-Christian marriage has two sides: religious and social. God's grace for creation family relations is bestowed in the Sacrament of Marriage, but the family does not live in isolation, but in society. Therefore, the “stamp in the passport” is not a formality at all. This is a confession to society that we will build relationships on the basis of mutual obligations, legal responsibility and mutual love. That is why the “Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church” recognizes an unmarried but registered marriage as still a marriage. By the way, according to the norms of church life, we can only perform a registered marriage. Living together without civil registration and without a wedding we can, unfortunately, classify it as prodigal cohabitation. According to observations, virtually all extramarital affairs break up sooner or later. In Russia we now have a catastrophe with official marriages: 50% of them are dissolved. And relationships that are not cemented by at least civil ties are doomed to collapse. You know, it’s like the bottom of a new car is covered with an anti-corrosion coating. If this is not done, no matter how good the car is, it will rot in 2-3 years.
-Where is the line beyond which it is no longer possible to avoid divorce?
-Divorce is always a tragedy, it is destruction by God of this institute families. The most affected party in a divorce is not the adults, but their children. Therefore, the Church has always insisted on the indissolubility of marriage. The Lord Jesus Christ called adultery the only acceptable basis for divorce. In 1918, the Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church, in its “Definition on the reasons for the dissolution of a marriage union consecrated by the Church,” recognized as such, except for adultery and the entry of one of the parties into new marriage, also the falling away of a spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices and a number of other reasons. It seems to me that even in families in which the relationship between husband and wife is difficult, spouses should not look for a reason for divorce, but, on the contrary, ways to overcome family dysfunction . And here the Church with its saving Sacraments of Repentance and the Eucharist can provide enormous help. Experience shows that the churching of spouses very often helps to breathe new life into their family relationships.
Common mistakes
-But besides this, the newlyweds face many dangers in the first year. What are they connected to?
-There is no point in talking about specific difficulties and mistakes in family life if we do not ask the question: “What should become the foundation of intrafamily relationships?” After all, a correctly laid foundation ensures the integrity of the entire building. The answer to this question can be a quote from 1 Corinthians: “I also want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3).
-In what sense should a man be in charge? Is such strict subordination relevant now?
-Now this approach may seem anachronistic to many. The past 20th century was a time of very tough and consistent emancipation. Nowadays the ideal well-mannered man is "a gentleman who is inferior to a lady in everything." In a significant part of young families, it is the woman who tries to take the reins of power into her own hands, and the man, willy-nilly, finds himself removed from management in the family. As a result, the type of henpecked husband is formed, who loses responsibility for the family, is eliminated from the need to provide for it financially, take care of children and accept important life decisions. At the same time, wives often reproach their husbands for being weaklings, like sofa-bed creatures. But there is no need to steal power from a man! Let him feel like the head of the family, and he will hurt himself, trying to be a true creator of family life. The phrase addressed to the husband: “We will do as you decide” has almost magical action. Dear ladies with pronounced leadership qualities! Show your leadership at work, but leave it in the family the last word behind the man. Even if he makes a mistake in something when making this or that decision. No problem! They learn from mistakes. The main thing is that the man will feel in his place.
-Women often choose a spouse based on financial solvency. But from a Christian point of view, this is wrong?
-Still, mutual love, attraction and respect for each other should be put at the forefront. I think the issue of the financial component should be moved to a different plane. Often young people postpone marriage until they manage to earn a certain amount of money, buy an apartment, a car and lay the foundation for their career. Experience shows that such motivation is crafty. A person, under a plausible pretext, does not want to take responsibility. But marriage is for this purpose, so that the husband and wife, realizing themselves as one whole, together, hand in hand, build what is called financial well-being. We are together, the rest are nearby.
-Similar questions Orthodox families often discussed on the Internet. Is it permissible to take out inner life families for general discussion?
-I may seem retrograde, but the blogging activity of some families sometimes terrifies me. It’s simply shocking when some Orthodox spouses “confide to the whole world” about how they quarreled yesterday and how they made peace today. There is something unhealthy about this. It’s as if a person, not finding depth of mutual understanding and some kind of fulfillment in intra-family relationships, is trying to involve everyone around him in this. In family life there must be some internal space where outsiders cannot enter.
-And if someone else invades this personal space, is such a feeling as jealousy acceptable?
-On the one hand, jealousy is a manifestation of the feeling of ownership, on the other hand, it strives to protect the integrity of the family, to protect it from outside attacks. Manifestations of jealousy are scary. It causes aggression, loss of trust between spouses, resentment and alienation. It is better not to give reasons for jealousy. Ideally, spouses are called upon to behave in such a way that everyone around them understands: this is an integral family, and the third one is clearly superfluous here. If one of the spouses sees that his marriage partner is jealous, he should not rejoice at this, receiving sinfully sadistic pleasure, but think about the fact that he himself is a seducer. And the sin of temptation, according to the Gospel, is a very serious sin.
-Other frequent violators of family boundaries are parents. How actively should they participate in the lives of the newlyweds? Are they always worth listening to?
-Parents must be treated with respect. They must be respected. Listen to their life experiences. But still, excessive care on the part of parents often turns out to be destructive for the family. Trying to protect children from the mistakes they will still have to make to gain life experience, older generation invades the delicate sphere of life together. Parents do not see the system of relationships between newlyweds from the inside. In addition, the “mother-in-law (mother-in-law) syndrome” is inevitable. After all, you raised your little blood, put your whole soul into it, and now you have to give it to some barmaley!
-So what should we do?
-It is best to implement a relationship with parents according to the principle of “living not together, but nearby.” It is advisable that parents are within reach, so that you can turn to them for advice, ask them to sit with a small child, so that the whole family can get together for festive table. But it’s better for young people to build their relationships on their own. The worst thing is when one of the spouses begins to wash dirty linen in public, complaining to the father or mother about the infirmities of the other half. As a result, the parent side begins to hate their new relative. And this hatred will last for many years.
Interviewed by Timur Shchukin
What is fatigue? How much of this concept is from physiology, and how much from psychology? Why does one get tired faster than another, even if he is physically healthier? Psychological and spiritual aspects of work in the comments of specialists.
Irina Levina, psychologist:
Since a person is a whole being, fatigue has as much physiology as psychology. A person may be tired from hard work and therefore feel physical discomfort (muscle pain, for example), but if he is satisfied with the result of his work, he will feel positive emotions, fatigue may even turn out to be pleasant (“worked well”). If a lot of work has been put in, but the result is not satisfactory, then gloomy thoughts and feelings can increase fatigue (“I worked in vain,” “no one needs this”).
Another type of fatigue is emotional. You can get tired of strong emotions(your own or those nearby). Each of us has our own range of emotions, and when what is happening inside or outside is “overwhelming” (overwhelming with delight, euphoria or despair, horror, fear), then this can make you tired, feel empty, dream of peace, quiet and loneliness.
You can also get tired from a lack of emotions, impressions, and monotony.
For example, when a person is burdened with a routine of responsibilities and does not have the opportunity to stop and feel his desires and interests, he may have the feeling that he is not living own life, and this will be subjectively experienced as the dullness of everyday life, boredom, melancholy (“I give up,” “I can’t do anything”).
When a person for a long time is in a situation emotional abuse(suppression, ignoring, neglect, humiliation), he will feel tired and exhausted, as if all the juice has been squeezed out of him, even if no physical activity he didn't have it.
With emotional fatigue, sometimes one feels heaviness in the shoulders, back pain, body aches (“as if a roller had passed by,” “as if crushed by a slab”) - that is, purely psychological internal experiences can manifest themselves through muscle fatigue and pain.
In general, just as muscle pain tells us that it’s time to take a break from work, so does emotional fatigue- this is a signal to stop, ask yourself: what am I feeling now? what's going on in my life? How can I take care of myself? What changes are long overdue? If you ask a question, the answer will not keep you waiting long.
But how often do we find time for this?..
Can hard work be taught?
Liliya Filimonenok, psychologist, psychiatrist:
The reluctance to work may depend on the degree of fatigue of the body. It can, of course, be objective, caused physical condition body. But more often, the reluctance to work comes from the fear of “getting tired.” In this case, the feeling of fatigue is a type of emotion, something that we create in our heads to solve certain life or momentary problems.
Physical fatigue also has a large psychological component. Resources human body are quite large, but it happens that a physically healthy and strong person is spiritually and emotionally weak, and a very sick person not only does not lose heart in the face of difficulties, but also infects with optimism and supports family and friends.
This means that you can get ready for work, even difficult physically or psychologically; you can simply not notice fatigue if you have a cheerful attitude towards everything around you. Let me note that I have more than once witnessed extraordinary inner strength children who, even terrible diseases they find some internal hidden resources and remain cheerful, cheerful, capable of helping, although for them it is not only psychologically, but also physically difficult. Of course, children are largely influenced by the atmosphere that surrounds them from birth and the example of their parents. In a family where they are used to working happily and overcoming difficulties with ease, the child will grow up with similar qualities. This means that love for work is cultivable!
“The Kingdom of God suffers, and the needy take it away” (“The Kingdom of God takes force, and those who use force take it away”), says the Bible. It is clear that we are not talking about physical effort here. But still, is it possible to draw a parallel between the habit of work and the skill of prayer and acts of mercy?
Archpriest Dmitry Galkin
Archpriest Dimitry Galkin, cleric of the St. John's Stavropegic Convent:
Religious life, like life in general, presupposes regularity and repetition. Otherwise this is not life. But discipline is necessary to maintain order, and it inevitably contains a taste of routine.
On the other hand, religious life requires creative approach, unceasing internal renewal, self-knowledge and God-knowledge.
Is it possible to regulate this process? After all, we know God through the grace of the Holy Spirit, and “the Spirit breathes wherever it wants” (John 3:8). We dare to add on our own: and when he wants.
The perception of the Spirit presupposes a certain mood of the soul, special receptivity and inspiration, and it does not obey regulations. There is a contradiction! Are the admonitions so beloved by the clergy about the need for a regular prayer rule, about weekly visits to church, and about observing fasts really fraught with danger for the freedom of religious life? Is it really possible that the habit of a church way of life can imperceptibly kill that most intimate, reverent thing that is experienced as communion with the Kingdom?
Yes, indeed, such a danger exists. Even during His public ministry, the Lord Jesus Christ reproached the Pharisees, whose piety largely boiled down to scrupulous and petty fulfillment of instructions to the detriment of a living religious feeling. Then, maybe, away with all these routine rules and rituals? Shall we live only by inspiration?
Despite the caricature of this approach, it occurs quite often. There are a considerable number of Orthodox Christians who do not come to the Sacraments of Confession and Communion for months and years, because they are waiting for inspiration, a special mood of the soul. Let’s say right away: they won’t wait!
And why? Yes, because inspiration is not born in a vacuum.
Even the most gifted artists and musicians had to perfect their painting or playing techniques for years. musical instrument. Likewise, in the life of the spirit a foundation is necessary. It is this that is formed through the skill of daily prayer, regular examination of one’s conscience, repentant effort, and forcing oneself to virtue. Religious life, based only on “beautiful impulses of the soul”, in best case scenario, naive amateurism, at worst, is dangerous self-delusion.
Yes, sometimes you don’t want to read out the prayer rule. But it is enough to force yourself to fulfill it, and a small miracle occurs - the heart melts and ignites with the joy of prayer. As ancient Christian wisdom says: prayer is given to the one who prays. The same applies to preparing for confession. Sometimes a person is in false complacency and does not notice his sins. But it is enough to listen carefully to the voice of conscience - and repentance awakens in the soul.
Spiritual life has its own laws, and one of them is: piety is formed from external to internal. Forcing oneself to external piety, if, of course, this compulsion is sincere and unfeigned, reveals the depths of the heart and makes it possible to meet the Living God there.
Every time the Divine Liturgy is celebrated in the church, a priest comes out of the altar before the service begins. He heads to the vestibule of the temple, where the people of God are already waiting for him. In his hands is the Cross - a sign of the sacrificial love of the Son of God for to the human race, and the Gospel - good news about salvation. The priest places the Cross and the Gospel on the lectern and, reverently bowing, proclaims: “Blessed is our God always, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.” This is how the Sacrament of Confession begins.
The name itself indicates that in this Sacrament something deeply intimate is happening, revealing the secret layers of the life of the individual, which in usual time the person prefers not to touch. This is probably why the fear of confession is so strong among those who have never started it before. How long do they have to break themselves in order to approach the confessional lectern!
Vain fear!
It comes from ignorance of what actually happens in this Sacrament. Confession is not a forcible “picking” of sins from the conscience, not an interrogation, and, especially, not a “guilty” verdict on the sinner. Confession is the great Sacrament of reconciliation between God and man; this is the sweetness of the forgiveness of sin; This is a tear-touching manifestation of God’s love for man.
We all sin a lot before God. Vanity, hostility, idle talk, ridicule, intransigence, irritability, anger are constant companions of our lives. On the conscience of almost each of us lie more serious crimes: infanticide (abortion), adultery, turning to sorcerers and psychics, theft, enmity, revenge and much more, making us guilty of the wrath of God.
It should be remembered that sin is not a fact in biography that can be frivolously forgotten. Sin is a “black seal” that remains on the conscience until the end of days and is not washed away by anything other than the Sacrament of Repentance. Sin has a corrupting power that can cause a chain of subsequent, more serious sins.
One ascetic of piety figuratively likened sins... to bricks. He said this: “The more unrepentant sins a person has on his conscience, the thicker the wall between him and God, made up of these bricks - sins. The wall can become so thick that the life-giving grace of God ceases to reach a person, and then he experiences the mental and physical consequences of sins Mental consequences include dislike for individuals or to society as a whole, increased irritability, anger and nervousness, fears, attacks of anger, depression, development of addictions in the individual, despondency, melancholy and despair, in extreme forms sometimes turning into a craving for suicide. This is not neurosis at all. This is how sin works.
Bodily consequences include illness. Almost all diseases of an adult, explicitly or implicitly, are associated with previously committed sins.
So, in the Sacrament of Confession, a great miracle of God’s mercy is performed towards the sinner. After sincere repentance of sins before God in the presence of a clergyman as a witness of repentance, when the priest reads a prayer of permission, the Lord himself, with His all-powerful right hand, breaks the wall of sin-bricks into dust, and the barrier between God and man collapses.”
When we come to confession, we do not repent before the priest. The priest, being himself a sinful man, is only a witness, a mediator in the Sacrament, and the true celebrant is the Lord God. Then why confess in church? Isn’t it easier to repent at home, alone before the Lord, because He hears us everywhere?
Yes, indeed, personal repentance before confession, leading to awareness of sin, heartfelt contrition and rejection of the wrongdoing, is necessary. But in itself it is not exhaustive. The final reconciliation with God, cleansing from sin, takes place within the framework of the Sacrament of Confession, without fail through the mediation of a priest. This form of the Sacrament was established by the Lord Jesus Christ himself. Appearing to the apostles after His glorious Resurrection, He blew and said to them: “...receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive, they will be forgiven; those whose sins you retain, will be retained” (John 20:22-23). The apostles, the pillars of the ancient Church, were given the power to remove the veil of sin from the hearts of people. From them this power passed to their successors - church primates - bishops and priests.
In addition, the moral aspect of the Sacrament is important. It is not difficult to list your sins in private before the All-Knowing and Invisible God. But discovering them in the presence of a third party - a priest, requires considerable effort to overcome shame, requires the crucifixion of one’s sinfulness, which leads to an incomparably deeper and more serious awareness of personal wrong.
The Holy Fathers call the Sacrament of confession and repentance “second baptism.” In it, that grace and purity that were given to the newly baptized person and were lost by him through sins returns to us.
The sacrament of confession and repentance is the great mercy of God towards weak and prone humanity; it is a means available to everyone, leading to the salvation of the soul, which constantly falls into sin.
Throughout our lives, our spiritual clothing is continually stained with sin. They can be noticed only when our clothes are white, that is, cleansed by repentance. On the clothes of an unrepentant sinner, dark with sinful dirt, stains of new and separate sins cannot be noticeable.
Therefore, we must not put off our repentance and allow our spiritual clothing to become completely soiled: this leads to dulling of conscience and to spiritual death.
And only an attentive life and timely cleansing of sinful stains in the Sacrament of Confession can preserve the purity of our soul and the presence of the Holy Spirit of God in it.
Priest Dmitry Galkin
In the sacrament of repentance, or what is also confession, bills of exchange are torn, that is, the handwriting of our sins is destroyed, and communion of the true Body and Blood of Christ gives us the strength to be reborn spiritually.
Venerable Barsanuphius of Optina
The Sacrament of Confession should be resorted to as often as possible: the soul of a person who has the custom of frequently confessing his sins is kept from sinning by the memory of the upcoming confession; on the contrary, unconfessed sins are conveniently repeated, as if committed in the dark or at night.
Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov)