Reasons why loved ones ignore personal requests. Ignoring is emotional abuse

It's always frustrating to be ignored, whether it's your friend, sister, or boyfriend. For this person to stop ignoring you, you need to take a step back and think about what caused it. Afterwards, talk to the person, apologize if necessary, and find a mutual solution. If this doesn't work, it may be time to end the relationship and move on.

Steps

Part 1

Finding the reason

1. Give this person more personal space. If a person is ignoring you, then the worst thing you can do is call, text and message on VKontakte every five seconds or even follow the person asking him: “What happened? What I've done?" You may want to make every effort to improve your relationship, but you shouldn’t do all of the above. Instead, step back and let the person cool down or just move away from you a little, and think about what you can do.

   • The desire to get instant results and solve problems right away is quite natural. However, it's worth letting the person cool down so you can both think about what happened instead of starting a conversation you're not ready for.

2. Make sure the person is actually ignoring you. Perhaps everything is not at all what it seems? Are you sure the person is actually ignoring you and not just too busy to answer your calls the second you dial them? Maybe the person is really in a bad mood or is in a bad situation and thinks that ignoring everyone is the best way to deal with it.

   • Look at how this person behaves with other people. Is he willing to chat and is friendly and familiar with others? If so, then yes, most likely it's you. But if it seems that a person has withdrawn a little from the world around him and is acting withdrawn, then most likely you have given yourself too much credit.

3. Think about why a person might be angry with you. Well, if you have decided that the person is indeed ignoring you, then it is time to dig deeper and determine what you could have done to make this happen. In some cases, it's quite simple - maybe you really offended the person by not inviting them to the party, maybe that person heard you start rumors about them, or maybe you said something hurtful even though you didn't mean it and the person I was upset because of this.

   • If you identify the reason, you will be more prepared before starting a conversation than if you simply ask the person directly why he is ignoring you. Knowing the reason will allow you to choose the right words and defend yourself if something happens. Forewarned is forearmed.
   • However, keep in mind that the reason may not be good. Perhaps the person decided that you wanted to harm him with your harmless act. Even if you think you are right, it will be useful to find out what the person really thinks.
4. • Of course, you shouldn't contact every mutual friend to find out why this person is angry with you, otherwise the information will get to him, and then he will get even more angry.

5. Don't let this problem consume you. Yes, no one likes to be ignored. This can be especially painful if this person is your best friend or significant other. If you are used to spending a lot of time with this person or just communicating in the same company, then yes, it is unpleasant when you get a cold shoulder out of the blue. It may make you angry, make you feel bad about yourself, or cause embarrassment, especially if the person intentionally does it in front of other people. However, no matter how bad the situation is, you should focus on your life and your goals, on what makes you happy - do not show the person that your happiness depends only on your relationship with him.

   • Of course, this will annoy you, but life goes on. Tell yourself: “I will be angry that my friend is not talking to me from 5:00 pm to 5:15 pm, and then I will go back to my life.” If you think about it over and over again, you won't get better.

   Part 2

   Take a step

   1. Talk to the person. Once you've given the person some space and have an idea of ​​why the person is angry at you, it's time to try starting a conversation. Don't do this in a public place or in the middle of the day when the person is likely to be busy or tired; instead, ask the person if you can meet later and choose a suitable place and time to talk. If the person doesn't really want to deal with you, then choose a time when you can talk privately without annoying him too much.

      • Tell the person that you are hurt by being ignored and that you would like to talk about it. Let him know what your relationship means to you and how you want to communicate with him again.
      • If you genuinely don't understand what's going on, ask. Tell him that it will make you both feel better if he reveals the reasons why he is ignoring you.
      • If you have romantic feelings for this person, be prepared for the possibility that he no longer likes you or that he no longer shares your feelings. Yes, it hurts, but it’s better to know about it than to guess what a person really thinks.

   2. Apologize if necessary. If you know or have been told why a person is ignoring you, then look the person in the eyes, look serious and tell him that you are really sorry for doing that. Tell the person that you are truly sorry for what you did and that it will never happen again. Show that the relationship means a lot to you and that you've thought long and hard about how you wish this had never happened. Don't be distracted, let the person see the pain on your face, show how sorry you are.

      • If the person is upset about what you did, but you really don't think there's anything to apologize for, then you'll have to make a decision. Do you want to stand up and not ask for an apology, because nothing catastrophic happened? Or is it better to apologize in order to improve the relationship and so that they stop ignoring you? The choice is yours.

   3. If an apology doesn't help, then back off. Okay, you've already apologized, but the person isn't moving, or he or she still feels offended. If you did something truly offensive - cheated, spread rumors, or upset a person - then an apology alone will not be enough. Perhaps the person is telling you that your action cannot be forgiven; Perhaps the person will tell you that he wants to be friends with you, but it will take time for the pain to subside. Whatever you hear, respect the person's needs and back off.

      • You probably want to return everything to its place overnight, even if the person says that he needs more personal space. However, keep in mind that emotional wounds do not heal immediately. Don't rush, give it time.
      • Endless “forgive me” will be of no use. It's time to give this person time and space to understand themselves and the situation. It won't be easy, but there is no other way.

   4. Determine whether it's worth continuing the effort at all. Maybe this person is truly stubborn. He may no longer want to be your friend or partner. If you feel like this person is the only one with problems and you've done everything you can to get them back and nothing has worked, then it's probably time to move on and forget about them. It may sound harsh, but if you understand that the person is doing nothing but harming you, why waste time trying to make peace?

      • Think about it, listen to yourself. If a person is not worth your effort, you will feel it in your heart.
   • Just ask him if this person wants to be friends or be in a relationship with you.
   • Understand that you may be ignored because of what you say.
   • Don't make a mountain out of a molehill - perhaps everything is wrong. as it seems, you are not being ignored at all.
   • If someone ignores you, don't ignore them back. A wedge cannot always be knocked out with a wedge. Give the person time - perhaps he will reevaluate his views and understand that he is upsetting you.
   • Be polite and caring towards this person, even if he doesn't like it.
   • Tell the person that they are important to you and that their behavior upsets you.
   • Leave him alone and move on. People who deliberately ignore you should also be ignored.
   • Find someone who wants you around and will always be with you and communicate with you. Be happy, have self-esteem, do your best for your relationship.
   • If you don’t know the reason and they don’t want to tell you it, then it’s at least impolite.
   • Don't show your weakness and vulnerability. Otherwise you may be taken advantage of. Be decisive. If a person doesn't want to be your friend, well, he doesn't deserve it, and you deserve better.

We are all very different. Therefore, we strive to communicate with some people, and some we don’t even want to look at. Sometimes contact with a person only brings us disappointment, pain and irritation. Sometimes we try to improve relationships, but this again leads to negative emotions. So what to do? Continue to endure or stop communicating? Of course, the second option. What if the “unpleasant” one further tries to impose his society? There is only one way out - to learn how to ignore him so as to stop any attempts at communication.

The meaning of ignoring

Typically, people start to ignore someone for one of two reasons:

• The desire to stop communicating.
• The desire to show your resentment, point out mistakes and restore relationships (teach a lesson).

How to ignore someone

So, you decided to show your boyfriend or girlfriend that you can no longer tolerate these antics. How to do this:

• First, you should understand that stopping noticing a person is a serious matter. Firstly, it’s not easy, and secondly, the “unpleasant” person may actually never communicate with you again. It is better not to resort to the method of ignoring for an hour, day or week in order to attract someone's attention or point out the guilt of the offender.
• Before you stop noticing a person, try to put yourself in his position and understand why he behaves this way. Maybe he had good reasons for doing this? What if you provoked this behavior by doing something wrong?
• Before you ignore a guy or girl, ask what is the reason for such wrong attitude towards you. There are situations when you can discuss everything and forget. At least make an attempt to talk, because it’s not every day that you throw a person out of your life without warning.
• So, you have firmly decided that you will be better off without this person. Be direct. If you couldn’t improve the relationship, firmly tell the person that you don’t want to know him anymore. Don't show your anger, just present it with a fact. Stay polite. What some people don't realize is that you've clearly thought through your position and are confident in your decision before you make such a statement. Therefore, after such words, they will continue to seek communication with you. How to ignore a girl or guy? The main thing is to be consistent. Don't read this person's messages, don't answer the phone when he calls, don't answer anything. It happens that a meeting with an “unpleasant” still cannot be avoided; if it is, for example, your colleague, you will not change your job because of some intriguer. Do not argue during these meetings, do not pay any attention to this person at all. If she gets too persistent, tell her to leave you alone once and for all.
• You must be prepared for a siege. When the bore realizes that he has been ignored, he will be very angry. Perhaps rumors will begin to circulate about you. Don’t hide from your friends that you don’t like this person and you’re trying to get rid of his unpleasant company, then they won’t believe the various nasty things they might say about you. Just don’t try to win your friends over to your side, let them form their own opinion about this person.
• When meeting, try to feel normal. Overcome awkwardness. Forget about etiquette, if you don’t want to say hello, don’t do it. When, for example, you need to communicate with him for work, try to keep this communication to a minimum. And if you bump into someone somewhere in a store or on the street, pretend that you didn’t notice this person. If he comes up and starts talking to you about something, as if nothing had happened, tell him that you are in too much of a hurry and you don’t have time to talk.
• Limit access to yourself and your data on social networks. Privacy settings give you the ability to make sure that you are visible only to your family and friends.

Now you know how to ignore people and there will no longer be unpleasant, intrusive individuals in your life.

Ignoring a person and/or situation is one of the most common methods of psychological defense or punishment. Despite its apparent simplicity, there is little that is as effective as this simple technique. The danger is that the technique of ignoring rarely leads to a final solution to certain problems, since, in fact, it is a way to evade any action. We’ll talk more about the psychology of ignoring today.

Ignoring as a defense

With the help of ignoring, as a technique of defensive reaction to the emergence of a particular problem, a person, as it were, creates an alternative reality in which some block of information is missing. The so-called ignoring matrix helps to find it.

Ignoring Matrix

The neglect matrix is ​​a special model that considers neglect in terms of type and level. These two concepts are similar and to some extent interchangeable.

1. Types of ignoring:

• ignoring the fact of what is happening. In this case, we refuse to see this or that situation that creates a certain problem;
• ignoring the fact of the problem. This type of ignorance involves accepting what is happening but refusing to acknowledge that reality poses any problem;
• ignoring opportunities. You see the situation, recognize the problem, but ignore the existence of possibilities for solving it.

2. Ignore level:

• ignoring the availability of opportunities;
• ignoring the significance of opportunities, in other words, doubting their (opportunities’) effectiveness;
• ignoring the option to change capabilities;
• Ignoring personal abilities associated with self-doubt and fear of inability to take advantage of opportunities.

The ignoring matrix provides all combinations of types and levels of ignoring, adding up to a diagram of three columns (types) and four rows (levels). The method of using the ignoring matrix allows you to find that part of the information that is ignored, interfering with the solution of a certain problem. To do this, you need to start checking each cell, starting from the upper left corner of the matrix, moving diagonally down.

It is worth mentioning such a phenomenon as rational ignoring, when our apathetic behavior is due to the fact that we do not see any personal benefit from participating in a certain action. The most common example is reluctance to go to elections, participate in demonstrations, etc. In this case, the psychology of ignoring is also considered as a defense, in this case, passivity protects us from expending energy.

Ignoring as a method of punishment

Very often we use the method of ignoring, trying to somehow influence others. The psychology of ignoring a person is that we consciously do not pay attention to the person we want to punish or hurt.

In addition, the reason for ignoring, paradoxically, may be an attempt to attract attention to oneself. So, for example, the reason a woman ignores a man may be her desire to show the man her resentment. The problem is that such a method, as a rule, is met with aggression and misunderstanding in response. Men usually they don’t know how to react to being ignored and respond in kind. The result is a vicious circle of inaction and increasing conflict.

At the same time, girls often take advantage of being ignored when they want to attract the attention of the man they like. In this case, they rely on the notorious hunting instinct.

One way or another, ignoring is a passive action, by resorting to which a person consciously renounces his own power and responsibility. Remember that most often this method does not live up to expectations.

By ignoring, we try to protect ourselves from invasion into our lives, our personal space, our thoughts. And this is understandable. If there is no way to eliminate the source of irritation, you can simply try not to notice it. But when they ignore us, we suffer. It seems that any, even the most disgusting, outcome of the situation would be better than this agonizing pause, during which you feel as if you are standing over a cliff, unable to either jump or climb back out.

Ignoring can be conscious or unconscious. The unconscious is a way of psychological protection from unpleasant, aggravating factors and circumstances. Conscious ignorance is, rather, a moral punishment.

One of the common situations: “I won’t pick up the phone - let him suffer.” Why bother if you can pick up the phone and answer that you don’t intend to communicate now, you’re not in the mood or there’s simply nothing to talk about? Punishment by your inattention is cruel. Because a person who has gone through several unsuccessful attempts to reach out may ultimately feel like an empty place, artificially lower his self-esteem and become depressed. This applies not only to romantic relationships, but to any human relationship.

There is a concept of appropriate ignoring. For example, if you came home and one of your relatives answered you sharply or was sarcastic. The answer to the remark can start a verbal altercation and, as a result, a quarrel. And ignoring unpleasant words will help save nerves for yourself and those around you. Think about it: everyone has had a hard day, everyone is tired and, perhaps, has not yet had time to relieve the accumulated stress on the way home, so a piece of it goes to you. Learn to ignore the negativity and turn on your internal filter. Of course, we are talking only about minor and isolated disagreements. If rudeness is a regular way of communicating with someone close to you, do not allow yourself to be talked to like that and be sure to find out and resolve the situation.

The same should be done in the case of grandmothers who start shouting half-stop about what, for example, an indecently short skirt is, which did not exist in “their time.” In such situations, ignoring is not a punishment (the punishment for you would be to continue listening to your nasty grandmother), but a reasonable decision so as not to stir up interest in your person and not add fuel to the fire. Seeing the imperturbable expression on her face, the attacking grandmother will soon lose interest and switch her attention.

It is possible and sometimes even necessary to use ignore if certain situations and people violate the boundaries of our comfort zone. But it’s not worth punishing by ignoring. It’s better to talk to the person once and dot the “i”s so that he stops paying extra attention. In general, ignoring should be used very carefully, because, as the saying goes, “there is medicine in a spoon, poison in a cup.”

Learning to ignore people who evoke only negative emotions is quite easy. However, there is no need to rush. Think about whether you will regret your decision, because there may not be a chance to take back your words. Reflect on the purpose of ignoring, be honest with yourself. Maybe you just want to attract the attention of certain people?

If you become the object of ridicule, try to react to them differently. Resist your embarrassment or anger and act as if the remark did not apply to you. There is another way: to calmly agree with all his barbs. In any case, don't show that you're hurt. The offender will probably stop and you won't have to ignore him.

Keep in mind: you need to ignore only when you want to completely free yourself from unpleasant people, as if you had never met.

What to do if annoying acquaintances demand attention?

So, you've weighed everything carefully and are still confident that ignoring is your option. If people you don’t want to communicate with know you superficially, then

• Look into their eyes as little as possible; when you do, don’t smile.
• keep your distance from these people; when passing by, don’t linger.
• do something else. If you read a book or listen to music while wearing headphones, there is less chance of being disturbed than if your face looks bored and your eyes look one way or the other.
• take the necessary action on social media.

If you don't like one of your employees, limit yourself to discussing business issues.

It may also happen that you want to ignore old friends. In this case, we advise you to talk confidentially. Maybe they found themselves in a difficult situation? It is likely that you will understand each other, and the relationship will become the same.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. If you find yourself in the middle of a real conflict, which has the only way out - ignoring, directly tell your former friends about it.

Remember: you must be straightforward but polite. Do not be ironic, be serious, so that your words are not taken as ridicule or a childish whim.

There is no need to expect that your former friends will immediately agree with you and you will part ways peacefully. You will probably need a lot of patience to completely eliminate these people from your life. Don't answer their calls or messages. Do they write offensive things to you? Don't give in. Otherwise, you will not get rid of tension, but will increase it. If this doesn't work, say you will complain to the appropriate authorities. Let people who are unpleasant to you understand that you are determined.

Try to discuss the situation only with loved ones. By attracting strangers, you risk becoming the center of an entire epic. Answer questions concisely, and gradually they will disappear.

Ignoring people is an extreme measure. Let it be expressed not only by words, but also by actions, therefore:

• Avoid potential meeting places (for example, a bus stop where you have often seen each other before, or a favorite cafe). If you do collide, limit yourself to nodding your head. Stop and ask “How are you?” will be redundant. We also do not recommend turning away if you have already been seen. Behave calmly and respectably.
• Ask mutual friends not to invite you to the same events (except for a large event like a graduation or wedding, when you don't have to talk to every one of three hundred people).
• think about what else unites you, and protect yourself as much as possible from unnecessary communication.

Keep in mind that it is equally important to expel people who are unpleasant to you from your own head. This is not easy if they previously played a significant role in your life. In order not to be distracted by memories, keep yourself busy, not with routine, but with something interesting. Buy a book of poems that you’ve been wanting to read for a long time, try cooking a new dish, go to the zoo. New impressions will not take long to arrive!

It has been noticed that cleansing the mind, sometimes in a surprising way, transforms an unpleasant situation or removes a person from your life, or relationships improve naturally.

Ignoring and unrequited love.

The sphere of personal relationships is special. Unfortunately, ignoring a person who aroused considerable hopes (and, as it turned out, in vain) is more difficult than deleting someone from your list of VKontakte friends. Therefore, the techniques listed below may only be partially effective. Time will help with the rest.

• Don’t blame yourself for falling in love with the “wrong” person.
• tune in to distance: reduce the number of meetings, calls, messages. When going to the theater, cinema or on a holiday, offer company to other people.
• don't run away from new acquaintances. Just don't forget about sincerity! It’s not worth entering into a relationship specifically to get the past out of your head, or dating “out of spite” for an unsuccessful past. Focus only on whether the new person is interesting to you or not.

The situation is easier if the object of your feelings is from unfamiliar people, with whom you have never spoken and only said hello twice. Avoid possible meetings and as soon as you notice that you are mentally returning to him, distract yourself (see the last paragraph of the 3rd point).

How to learn to ignore a person if the opposite situation arises (you yourself have become the object of the experience)?

• do not accept gifts, whatever their price.
• actively communicate with other representatives of a different gender. You can just pretend, the main thing is that the person you don’t like sees it. His confidence will immediately decrease.
• be constant in failure. A person must understand that your dry answers are not at all coquetry and not a sign of a bad mood.

What to do if they ignore you?

Suddenly you realized that a friend or loved one is gradually disappearing from your life. Maybe you yourself gave him a reason - you forgot about the promise, caused jealousy, did not congratulate him on an important event? Admit your guilt and try to correct the mistake. In the latter case, buy a gift and a card. Of course, congratulations are good on time, but late attention is better than nothing. One way or another, you must show that you are sincerely sorry and that friendship with this person is very important to you.

If you are sure that you have done nothing wrong, talk to him. Be careful with reproaches and other negativity, because this will only increase the problem. The person who cares about you will not miss the chance to bring you back into his life.

There are other ways to ignore someone, but remember that solving a problem is always preferable to avoiding it.

Good luck!