Each of us is familiar with the phrase from childhood: “When I eat, I am deaf and dumb.” It was told to us by mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, kindergarten teachers, and school teachers. This list goes on and on. As soon as you try to say something, they immediately stop you with the question: “When I eat, I... what?” And out of despair, you repeat the continuation of this memorized phrase and again begin lazily stirring the cooled soup with a spoon. True, when you become an adult, you still change your habit and start talking more at the table - today we go to breakfast, lunch and dinner to chat and discuss our affairs. We attend business and friendly lunches, dine with friends and strangers, alone and in a large group, but we know very little about how to behave at the table and, in particular, what to talk about.
The cultural traditions that existed in our country before the revolution were almost completely lost during the Soviet period. This is due to the fact that proletarian ethics were very different from European ones. Now we have to re-learn the subtleties of etiquette.
Do not do it this way!
Not everyone can notice their shortcomings. Especially when you're busy eating. But you still need to try.
- There are at least three topics that you cannot talk about: politics, religion, money. Yes, and also Voldemort.
- You should not loudly greet a friend who appears at the door. This is not appropriate.
- If you are talking to someone you are talking to, make an effort and put your phone aside.
- The waiter approaches you, but you have a very interesting topic to talk about, and you make him wait until you finish your thought. No, no and no again - you shouldn’t do that.
- Also, you should not call the waiter if you have not yet decided on the choice of dishes.
- Try not to whisper or speak too loudly. The ideal option is to talk in a low voice.
- If there are more than two people at the table, when talking, turn only your head towards the interlocutor. There is no need to turn around with your whole body, because your back will be to the other guests at your table. If you are eating together, it is preferable to sit opposite each other.
- Look your interlocutor in the eye, but please don’t overdo it!
- When speaking, do not use language that may confuse your interlocutor. This is not only obscenity or jargon, but also unfamiliar terms, as well as words from one of the Elvish dialects.
- If your interlocutor for some reason does not eat meat, tomatoes or cabbage, take it for granted. There is no need to devote the entire evening to questioning him about his gastronomic preferences.
- Knowing your worth is a good thing. However, talking about yourself for too long and in colors is indecent. Modesty is beautiful, remember that.
- Excessive mannerisms are also not welcome.
About what?
The topic of conversation is not quite as simple as it might seem at first glance. It would seem that there is nothing to invent here. Talk and talk. But there are several features that every well-mannered person should know.
- If there is a big age difference between you and your interlocutor, then it is up to the older person to start the conversation and choose the topic.
- There is a golden rule when choosing a topic for conversation: it should be interesting and understandable to the interlocutor. If you are an expert in ornithology, that’s good, but if your interlocutor is not able to distinguish a bullfinch from a seagull, do not bore him with stories about the behavioral characteristics of a canary during the winter solstice. If your interlocutor is well-mannered, he, of course, will listen to all this and nod his head with an interested look, while praying to himself for a speedy end to the evening.
- Always start a conversation with general topics (unless you want to discuss something specific).
- If you would like to change the topic of discussion, please do so gracefully. Ideally, without anyone noticing.
- Monitor the course of your thoughts, the consistency and logic of your statements.
- If you don’t know what to talk about, talk about food. This is a universal theme.
Awkward and silent
It often happens that we meet with an old friend and for an hour we cannot leave and finish the conversation. We talk, talk, talk... We enjoy the evening and the conversation. But it also happens that the conversation doesn’t go well right away.
Question and answer and there is an awkward pause. What to do? We must remember that you cannot be nice by force. The worst thing is to try to get your interlocutor to talk, most likely nothing will come of it. Firstly, silence is not as bad as it might seem at first glance. You can easily finish eating. Secondly, if suddenly you are not one of the silent ones, then it’s time to remember Chekhov. When things weren’t going well with his story, he wrote on a piece of paper: “Something isn’t writing.” And the writing began. You can do the same in conversation. By stating a fact, you acknowledge the problem. And your interlocutor also recognizes it. And from here it’s a couple of steps to an interesting conversation.
If nothing works out anyway, then you should not try to revive a horse that has fallen dead. Finish your borscht, shake hands and go about your business. At least you've eaten, after all.
Inconvenient question
It also happens that the interlocutor does not show himself in the best way. For example, he tries to involve you in gossip discussions or asks questions that put you in an uncomfortable position.
How to get out of the water unscathed and not offend your counterpart with a refusal? Usually, each of us strives to change the topic by adding a little “water” to the conversation. This is the softest and most correct way out. It is also easier to leave an uncomfortable question unanswered if you ask several clarifying questions. Pretending that you did not hear or understand the question, move the conversation in a different direction. True, those who are especially slow-witted and persistent may ask the question again, or, even worse, reproach you for being resourceful. Indeed, it is already useless to evade the answer here. There is only one thing left - to give a direct and categorical refusal. The phrase “I wouldn’t like to discuss this, I hope you don’t mind” is suitable for this. In exceptional cases, you can interrupt the interlocutor’s question more abruptly, thereby showing that he is crossing acceptable boundaries.
“That’s it,” you say. - Now you can relax. Any English lord passing by will take off his top hat in front of you, amazed at your ability to carry yourself.” But no. This is just the beginning. But if you follow the basic rules, you will establish yourself as an interesting and polite interlocutor. A person with good manners. And certainly no one will say that there is nothing to talk to you about.
Have you ever been to boring feasts, where rare banal toasts are interspersed with the clink of spoons and plates and where hosts and guests do not know what to talk about with each other?Unfortunately, the inability to entertain yourself and others at the table is a fairly common phenomenon. How can you learn to behave in such a way that no one gets bored?
First of all, let's consider the situation, when you are the hostess of a feast. The best option is to carefully think through the “cultural program”.
For major celebrations - weddings, anniversaries, sometimes even funerals - a toastmaster is often invited and composed. However, they often go overboard with competitions and other “stunts”. Think about it: perhaps the guests want to sit quietly at the table, and not jump around like goats, dance in circles and solve riddles... Therefore, there should not be too many “numbers”. The toastmaster can provide musical accompaniment, establish the order of toasts, etc.
It is best if the toastmaster is not a hired one, but one of his own. Firstly, it will cost less or even be free. Secondly, the person will not only do his job, he is, after all, one of the guests, which means the atmosphere will be sincere and spontaneous.
If there is no official toastmaster, you will have to play his role. It doesn’t hurt to not only draw up in advance, but also make “home preparations”. Decide on approximate topics for table conversations. You probably know approximately the range of interests of your guests. Try to think of a topic for conversation with everyone. And be sure to include in the program something that might interest everyone, or at least the majority - a story about a trip, viewing photos or videos, showing your handicrafts, some kind of game...
It is worth considering the selection of guests. Many have been going to the same company for years. These people are interested in each other, they always have common topics of conversation, and the presence of a person from the outside makes them feel awkward. But if you feel the company is lacking a fresh vibe, it may be better to bring in someone new. It will be good if he is a fairly interesting and sociable person who can captivate everyone.
It is also desirable that the guests are compatible with each other. You shouldn't gather people who can't stand each other at the same table - this will add negative emotions to both them and you. It is also undesirable to invite a person for whom the general conversation will a priori be uninteresting and for whom it is unlikely that there will be a partner for communication. If you want, also try to make sure that he and she are suitable for each other not only by gender, but also by common interests.
What if you are a guest? I often encounter situations where one of the guests literally shuts everyone’s mouths, forcing them to listen to endless stories from their own lives. It is clear that not everyone likes this, because ideally everyone has a story to tell. If such a talker reigns at the table, there is no need to pretend to be “Cinderella”. Don’t be afraid to interrupt him and start telling him something of your own. If you know any of the guests, it won’t hurt to ask them questions about the circumstances of their lives (of course, if they are not too personal). But it is still advisable to touch on topics that will interest the majority of those present, and not just a couple of people.
If you find yourself in a company where most of the participants are strangers, remember the saying: “If you don’t praise yourself, no one will.” Don't wait for someone to pay attention to you. Insert remarks into the conversation in such a way that others learn more about you. This doesn't mean you have to speak alone. It’s just that your remarks should be informative enough so that an impression can be formed about you, at least superficially.
Try to get a feel for what might be interesting to others. If you are a mathematician by training, and there are only humanities scholars at the table, then you should hardly start a conversation with them about mathematics. If you graduated from the Faculty of Philosophy, then there is no need to start talking about philosophy in the company of people with secondary education - rather, talk about everyday topics. Although sometimes people like to listen to something new. But in any case, you shouldn’t burden others too much; provide information in doses and in an accessible form. No one is stopping you from demonstrating your intelligence and education, but don’t play too much!
Almost win-win topics for general conversation are politics, economics, medicine and pedagogy. Men often also like to talk about gadgets. A good option is to talk about some interesting incidents from your life or from the lives of your loved ones. But only if the case is really interesting or funny.
Many people like to poison in company jokes. But not everyone is not always inclined to listen to them. In addition, in our age of information it is difficult to choose one that is not known to others. If you tell a joke, but it is received lukewarmly, there is no point in continuing.
Making fun of someone at the table or sorting things out is taboo, even if “everyone is our own” here. If you feel the need to have a heart-to-heart with someone, arrange a separate meeting with this person or retire with him in a secluded place where no one else can hear you.
Good luck at the table!
For most of us, a holiday is always associated with elegant clothes, music, enticing aromas of dishes, a beautifully decorated table, as well as gifts and, of course, the presence of guests having intimate table conversations. Whether you invite your loved ones and friends or be a guest yourself depends on the situation and mood. A hospitable host a priori signs himself a reputation as a well-behaved, hospitable person, and in his kind-hearted company you are always a joy.
Undoubtedly, such an important element as festive food cannot be ignored, but often the meal is uninteresting, ordinary and boring if those gathered do not participate in an exciting and friendly conversation, which always decorates any feast, making it even more cozy and meaningful. Often an inviting, sincere conversation to some extent brings everyone present together and creates a unique atmosphere of comfort and lightness.
The question “Can we communicate?” contains not only the culture and ethics of communication, but also implies such important points as mastery of conversation (sufficient erudition), the psychological aspect (emotionality), the ability to use cutlery and basic rules of decency (hygiene, appearance, respect for oneself and others ).
Manners and style of communication at the table
At any celebration for one reason or another, closer acquaintance begins when all the guests gather at the table, and usually when appetizers are served, a conversation begins. This is the time when you can take a closer look at those sitting next to you and get, albeit superficial, but still a first impression.
In the art of table conversation, the winner is not the one who “tells jokes” without closing his mouth, but the one who, with all his modesty, at first glance, never spoils his appetite with ridiculous and unnecessary topics: about diseases, for example, about personal problems, about unpleasant incidents in life and so on. And of course, unflattering and rude statements are absolutely unacceptable; sarcasm addressed to one of the guests or hosts is taboo.
It happens that some extremely relevant and exciting topic suddenly flares up among the vacationers, and everyone joins in the polyphony, interrupting each other, using active gestures, shouting, not allowing those present nearby to speak, thereby degenerating the conversation into an endless argument. In this situation, the role of referee is given to the hero or initiator of the celebration in order to tactfully move the conversation in a different direction - change the topic, get distracted. Talkativeness and loud conversations are unlikely to ever become the calling card and decoration of any interlocutor. Sometimes people behave ugly, telling indecent jokes and fables (gossip): not only is this unethical, it also puts everyone present in an awkward position and often makes them blush.
The privacy of two girlfriends who met at a holiday to whisper also does not create a pleasant impression and does not add charm to them. A well-mannered man or woman, a girl or a boy, a person of any age category, who has a correct understanding of behavior in society, will never be a loser, since he can skillfully use his charm and intelligence. All guests should understand that a general conversation is not a personal monologue, and it is necessary to give other guests the opportunity to express their point of view. This is always encouraged and they will be more willing to engage in conversation.
A rare quality is the ability to listen carefully and understand, which is so necessary for any interlocutor who claims to be the “life of the party.” Although, by and large, the soul of the company is always a loud, active, cheerful and good-natured person.
It is advisable to select topics for conversation so that they can interest many of those present, and not just some of the guests. Try to insert lines into the dialogue in such a way that they are informative and reflect your opinion. It is not forbidden to demonstrate your intellectual abilities, but do not get carried away: maintain dosage and harmony. Absolutely win-win topics for table conversation, which are always at the peak of relevance:
- news,
- economy,
- art,
- cinema
- hobby
- trips
Several important rules of table conversation
- The topic of communication is always suggested by the elders.
- The younger one should wait until they speak to him. (The exception is awkward pauses, which can be tactfully interrupted).
- It is absolutely impossible to criticize the food served.
- You should also not admire the taste of dishes too loudly and for too long.
- It is unethical to unnecessarily insist on receiving this or that dish and, even more so, to force you to drink or eat, neglecting the wishes of the guest.
- It is not customary to whisper or shout at the table. The conversation should be conducted in halftones - in an undertone.
- A toast should not be long and boring.
- It is unacceptable to demand reciprocal toasts or insist on making them against your will.
- When a toast is made, eating and talking stops.
- During a toast, according to etiquette, the glass should not be raised above the shoulder.
What your next feast will be depends only on you and your surroundings, and so that it is not boring, where mournful, “washed out” people replace each other, and the meal is characterized only by the clinking of plates and spoons, think about your leisure time in advance and do not skimp on creativity and thoughts. It’s good to periodically update the company and let in a “fresh stream” of new faces who can give you a storm of healthy emotions, bright table conversations and a sea of positivity. A healthy microclimate throughout the feast leaves the best impressions on guests and their hosts, which means that the holiday received the highest score.
What to talk about at the table? In large and diverse companies, there often comes “that awkward moment” at the table when there is silence and only the rattling of spoons.
The hostess sees this as a personal fiasco; the guests seem uninteresting and uncommunicative. How to organize a feast so that conversations flow like a river and everyone has fun? And in general, what is it customary to talk about at the table?
The range of topics in each company depends on both the common interests and the age of those gathered. What is funny to some may seem vulgar and inappropriate to others.
For example, in a company of older people you should not discuss modern movie stars and same-sex marriages of Europeans. At the same time, adults should not chat in front of young people about their own illnesses and the life dramas of old acquaintances.
A male group will be uncomfortable with ladies talking about diapers and breastfeeding, and women are unlikely to enjoy a half-hour excursion into the topic of thickness planers.
Ideally the topic raised should be of interest to everyone. Sketch out a plan, write cheat sheets. You can discuss everything - the latest news, recent trips, sporting achievements, the social life of stars, the secrets of promoting a mutual friend, and even proprietary gardening secrets, if there is a demand for them.
What not to talk about at the table? It is not customary to raise too intimate topics: why Pyotr Petrovich got divorced, why Kolya’s wife left him (especially if Kolya is sitting next to him and violently protests), who has what hurts, and how to treat it, and the like. 
You cannot laugh evilly at others, reproach, openly condemn and mock with a smile. Religious and political debates and counting other people's money are thankless topics that cause a lot of controversy.
Jokes,funny incidents from life,jokes are received with a bang by everyone. However, if you see that your puns “don’t work” and only cause puzzled looks, then it’s better to leave them for another company. Still, a sense of humor, like a smile, is an elastic concept.
If you are a holiday, think in advance about selecting guests and,who and who will be interested. There is not always one general conversation at the table; sometimes quiet conversations between two or three start in the corners. Think about who to put with whom and why.
For example, your friend Masha recently completed renovations, and your husband’s colleague Pavel works part-time as a decorator. At the same time, the Ivanov couple bought a new apartment - they would clearly have something to discuss between the four of them. The main thing is to present them correctly and lead them to this idea.
Guests need to be “sorted” not only by interests, but also by age. Never invite sworn enemies and ex-wives/husbands. Sooner or later, thunder will strike, and sweet communication will end.
If guests start to get bored, you can work as a toastmaster yourself or invite one of the guests to take this position. When the conversation is organized and there are toasts and entertainment in time, then no one has to feel sad. Don’t forget to sometimes shake up the crowd with dances, competitions and mass games.
What to talk about at the table if the audience gathered is diverse and unfamiliar? First, start a conversation on a general topic. You can tell us about the menu, the reason for the gathering, about your apartment, about the fresh renovation, about the strange peaches grown on the balcony and served at the table, about the breed of a new dog, about the achievements of your one-year-old son...
Let the guests join the flow of conversation and drink a couple of glasses. And there it is already possible to raise narrower and more intimate issues.
If a question is addressed to you, it would be impolite:
Simply say “Yes” or “No.”
Be offended and refuse to answer. No matter how intimate the topic, you must politely avoid it. Make it a joke or answer vaguely. After all, the curious person probably wasn’t trying to offend you.
Talking too quietly or terribly loudly at the table. The best thing is to choose a medium tone, answer in detail and with a smile. But don’t drag out your speech for half an hour, otherwise others will get bored.
What new has happened in your life? Have you read a fantastic book and want to recommend it to everyone? Met an old friend and learned about her career achievements? Did you go to a new shopping center and a dozen incidents happened to you there?
Also come up with questions for the guests and hostess if you know who will be there. There is no need to do this forcedly, just to talk. Only sincere interest will start an exciting conversation. But people are very multifaceted, and there is probably something important and useful for you in everyone.
Besides, every person has a hobby- a topic on which he likes to speculate. Knowing this can be a balm for their soul. Ask a friend about her job search, your husband’s friend about the never-ending construction of a summer house, the owner’s daughter about her doll collection, Ivan Ivanovich about her last successful fishing trip.
To ensure that you get attention, you can ask for advice in some difficult matter. Maybe you are choosing a car? Or you are planning to relax somewhere during the winter holidays, but can’t decide where exactly.
Believe me, the guests will immediately have a “rescue” reflex, and they will vying with each other to talk about their own experiences. Who doesn’t like to talk about themselves these days?
Distract your guests from their plates and glasses with original speeches and toasts.
Table speeches
When a large company gathers or especially solemn events are celebrated, table speeches are certainly made. If the speeches are well thought out, meaningful and not long-winded, they add the necessary festivity to the event. If table speeches are also witty, they create a pleasant atmosphere that is remembered for a long time.
We bring to your attention some good table speeches.
One citizen decided to buy a dog and came to the dog market. He really liked one. 
Having finished examining her, he turned to the seller: - Tell me, does your dog have a family tree? - What for? - the seller is surprised. - She... uses anyone! For guests who do not use any, I inform you that the toilet is...
One man is asked: “Why do you wear shoes two sizes too small?” He replies: “On purpose. My wife is ugly. Besides, she's evil. Cooks badly! The son is a loser! Mother-in-law is a witch! The only joy I have in life is when I take off my shoes in the evening!” Let's drink to make our lives full of joy.
A male frog sits on the bank of a mountain river. A female scorpion crawls up to him and says:
- Frog, take me to the other side of the river.
-What are you saying, woman? “I’ll put you on my back, and you’ll bite me,” the male answers her.
“Why should I bite you, then we’ll drown together,” the scorpion woman does not calm down.
“Okay, sit on my neck,” said the male. And they swam across a stormy mountain river. We swam to the middle, and then the female scorpion bit the male frog.
The male frog shouted:
“Listen, you promised not to bite me, you damned scorpion!”
“I can’t do anything about my feminine nature,” the female answered him.
So let's drink to our feminine nature!
Three women were walking through the desert. For several days now there has been no water or food. And suddenly in front of the travelers there is an oasis, but it is surrounded by a high wall. Then the woman says: “Let as many steps appear as the number of times I have been with a man.” A ladder appeared, along which this woman climbed the wall and descended into the oasis. Another woman said: “Let there be as many steps as the number of times I have been with a man.” Steps appeared on one side of the wall. The woman, having climbed them, jumped to the other side. And the third woman began to cry. So let's drink so that our women don't cry.
Speech to a friend
"Even if you go around the world,
You won't find a better friend anywhere.
I composed an ode only to him,
To the one I call my best friend!
People like him go on reconnaissance missions,
With someone like him I will go all over the world,
I trust him with my life,
I am as confident in him as I am in myself.
He is a hospitable owner,
Whatever is in the house goes on the table.
And if necessary, he will give away the last piece
(be it a piece of bread, or a wagon of caviar).
Suddenly a terrible disaster happens,
Or will I need money?
He won't stand aside
I am as confident in him as I am in myself.
Sometimes he is strict, but fair,
It's like a court in a democratic country,
He is a friend, and that is why I sing an ode to him,
I'm happy that he lives on earth!"
Why do women constantly reduce their age? Yes, because they erase from their lives the useless years that pass without love. So, dear women, love us and live profitably. For you!
"For the children"
What do you want to be, Gogi, when you grow up? - the guest asked the baby.
“I want to become a businessman like dad,” Gogi answered. - Yesterday he took me to the office, and I really liked how he worked there and spent his time there.
And how will you work?
In the morning I’ll leave the office, sit down at the table, light a long cigarette, and start saying that I have an awful lot to do and that I’ll have to get started after lunch. Then after lunch I’ll go with a businessman friend to a restaurant and eat and drink, then I’ll return to the office and scold everyone for not doing anything. Then I’ll go home and, terribly tired, lie down on the sofa and watch TV. So let's drink to the children - our future!
Toasts
A toast is a public speech, so a toast must have all the elements of public speech: a confident tone, sufficient volume, looking into the eyes of the listeners, energy adequate to the atmosphere of the holiday, etc.
Here is a small selection of original toasts.
Let's drink to honest and modest people! Moreover, there are so few of us left...
Man comes from oblivion and goes into oblivion! And isn’t this a reason to have a drink between two such significant events!
***
They say that if a married woman does not wear a wedding ring, as well as earrings, brooches, pendants, bracelets and necklaces, it means that she married only for love! Friends! Let's raise a glass to sincere love!
Let's drink to our children having rich parents!
Let's drink to the fact that no matter what, we drink at all costs.
Antique toast:
Baths, wine and love completely destroy our body,
But baths, wine and love also create life anew!
And don't forget to drink in moderation. So, don’t get carried away with toasts, because after a toast you need to drink. Have a successful and fun feast!