My son doesn't want to work. Adult son does not want to work

This is happiness... This is what all mothers think when they hold their baby for the first time. However, time passes, the periods of “tummies” and “tooth teeth” are replaced by bumps and bruises, followed by strikes regarding studies and the first romantic (and not so romantic) experiences.

And when it seems that the child has finally matured, many are in for an unpleasant surprise: it turns out that folk wisdom“little children are little troubles” is absolutely fair. Your adult son has begun to cause you much more trouble than he did as a child.

Rudeness and secrecy

More often, mothers complain about their sons’ rudeness and their secrecy. A young man or man categorically does not want to trust them with his experiences, but a mother’s heart is sensitive and senses all the changes in the life and behavior of her beloved child. Patience lasts for a couple of days, but then the mother begins, and sometimes does not stop, trying to talk heart to heart.

It seems that everything is fine, because the questions are quite innocent - “how are you” or “what happened”, and the time was chosen right, right after dinner... But for some reason the son at first remains silent, and a little later he begins to be insolent or openly rude, and only tears come His mother’s eyes stop him for a moment. What's wrong?

The solution to the problem of rudeness is simple: remember that you are a girl and he is a boy. Age difference or social status means absolutely nothing, masculine or feminine– this is nature itself. And she endowed her creations not only with a different set of chromosomes, but also with completely different hormonal levels.

Due to testosterone and adrenaline, men are more impatient, aggressive and unyielding. “Pour out your sorrows” is for young ladies, and not for the sons of Mars: they are generally sure that conversations about peace of mind- complete nonsense, and this is not considered a problem.

Now let’s practice: imagine that you are being pestered with the question “Why wash the dishes?” You hinted three times that the topic is not interesting to you, moreover, you are terribly tired of it. The question is repeated again, but with a different sauce: “Why wash the dishes?”, and so on ten more times.

How will your patience be tested? Either run away, or “explode” and send your opponent somewhere, but away from you. This is how an adult son feels after “how are you” and “what happened.”

What to do? Be patient and remember that your child is already an adult. He can solve his problems on his own, and heart-to-heart conversations are deeply alien to men. It is clear that such a simple action is difficult to perform, but a normal mother has a very trained nervous system.

You will have to again put yourself and your experiences first from the end, and make the obvious and very unpopular decision - not to interfere with personal life men, even if he is your son.

Doesn't want to work, demands money

How do the classics say, “work makes horses die”? And you, mom, are still alive?.. Believe me, your parasite son knows very well that in any case he will receive food and shelter, even if he does nothing. After all, you love him so much that you forgive absolutely everything! Dear baby, he just hasn’t matured enough to understand that a man should provide for his family, he’s in such poor health...

And his nerves are very bad, he is always so worried about failures to find a job... The boss, a nasty guy, did not forgive him even the little things... Sound familiar? Apparently yes. Like? If “no,” we look for a way out; if “yes,” we continue to feed and love, hoping for the best.

What to do? First: first we finish lisp. The child is fully formed physically and mentally, ready for all situations, including supporting himself and helping you. This is important to understand. Second: we mercilessly break the comfort zone that envelops your son. To do this, we change our behavior, preferably radically - we stop indulging in whining and, at a minimum, cut down portions for lunch.

The most important thing: be sure and demonstratively reduce your work activity! Let him wash his own socks, wash the dishes and cook if your cooking no longer suits him. IN otherwise he will grow dirty and lose a little weight, and after listening to your complaints about the lack of time and money for the hundredth time, he will at least start running outside and breathing fresh air.

Jokes aside: a woman, even if she is a mother, is obliged to keep a man in good shape precisely due to her weakness, otherwise there may be nothing left of his credo. Would you say it's tough? But it works.

I started studying, but suddenly stopped going to classes

What is the reason? I liked it and didn’t like it... You won’t believe it, but that’s exactly how it is! Men always do only what they want, unlike women who do what they are obliged to do, literally in the “background”, without even noticing. Do you think a lot about the dishes when you wash them? You're probably humming songs or remembering things you haven't done yet.

And a man completely devotes himself to any activity, with all his soul and body. If he doesn’t like it, and the background mode, characteristic only of the female psyche, “does not turn on,” then the representative of the stronger sex begins to skimp like a first-grader and run away from the unpleasant task or sabotage its implementation.

What to do? Try to help your son find the attractive aspects of studying. Naturally, from his point of view, and not from yours. You know your child, you know his system of material and spiritual values. It sounds pompous, but in fact there is no better way to say it. For example, he loves sports cars. Strengthen your motivation, first give a model of the desired brand, let him admire it.

Wait a little, then drop a couple of phrases like: “You know, I saw Vitya’s mother today. He has already completed his studies and was hired, he earns decently. He’s going to buy a car... How quickly time has flown by!” Or something like that, but always with a slight sigh at the end and a phrase about time.

For what? Your son will think a little about the car, but Vitya and he actually studied in the same class, and your grades were better. And then there’s “time flew by quickly.” Conclusions: he is no worse, and even much better than Vitya (rivalry), he needs to study (otherwise he won’t see the desired car), and some discomfort with studying is worth it, especially since the time until the diploma will pass very quickly (the comfort zone has been restored). So the scheme is simple.

My son doesn't leave the computer, he plays constantly

Live in virtual world attracts limitless possibilities, and almost no effort is required, except maybe clicking the mouse... If “in real life” your adult son is dissatisfied with himself, does not receive or is unable to get what he (in his opinion) deserves, then going into virtuality is natural.

Toys with gorgeous graphics, friends and clans, omnipotence. Even if they kill you, it doesn’t matter, there are lives left; the girl went to her rival - nothing, the lioness from the neighboring pride has been making eyes at her for a long time...

All problems in the painted world are solved simply, unlike in the real world, and nothing is scary. Moreover: even your name is made up, you can change it at any time, and no one will recognize you. Mistakes are forgiven, retribution is symbolic, and life is eternal. Who would refuse this? That is why adult sons choose the game in order to prolong the period of irresponsibility and impunity, as in early childhood. Why?

Because they are afraid of irrevocability, which is so characteristic of the real world. The dead friend cannot be returned, the girl has left for another and also cannot be returned, years pass and change the world, which will never be the same. It's scary, needless to say. But you won’t be able to play hide and seek with yourself forever; sooner or later you will have to emerge and look reality in the eye. Cowardice is the most terrible sin. This is what Yeshua said in Bulgakov, and life confirms this.

Of course, you shouldn’t talk so harshly to your son about his temporary weakness, but the truth is that your child is afraid to live. What to do? Remember the times when you punished him for mistakes or criticized his appearance, compared (not in his favor) with other boys. Perhaps you are an overly domineering mother who has repeatedly encroached on his independence and ended up with a computer zombie...

If it’s not too late, try to awaken a taste for life in your son. Remember what he really loves and values, and remind him of this without criticizing and joining him in his current world. To get started, just put aromatic tea and something tasty, definitely smelling nice, next to your computer, and leave silently.

You can feel the smell without looking at the bun, and take your mind off the game a little. Next time, stay and exchange a few phrases.

Everything resembles taming, small steps to restore trust. And if your son trusts you, he will go: first by the hand, like a little one, and then into life.

Then let him go on his own, and you will be happy for your adult son... Good luck to him and to you.

Question to a psychologist

It’s been 2 years since my son came home from the army. At first I wanted to get a job in the fire department, but that didn’t work out. Sent resumes to other companies. One was invited for an interview, but was not hired. Since then, my son sees no point in going for interviews, citing the fact that they won’t take him anyway. He doesn’t look for work on his own, like the vacancies I found, he refuses to go there. When asked when you will work, he answers: soon, someday, leave me alone, etc. The son is used to getting everything. I raised him alone. By nature he is very hot-tempered, even aggressive. Although this only manifests itself in relation to his mother, he is very complex with those around him, shy, afraid of everything new. Therefore, I cannot put him in any framework. Yes, and I'm afraid. We had situations when something didn’t suit him and he took his anger out on me, cursing me, insulting me. He believes that I am obliged to feed him, clothe him, and if there is not enough money, he says that I don’t know how to spend. The situation is terrible, I don't know what to do. I understand that it’s my own fault, but I don’t know what to do now, how to turn everything around.

Answers from psychologists

Anna, hello.

The situation is truly terrible and apparently it will no longer have to be solved, but broken, as you wrote.

If possible, go for a consultation on Skype, as you are most likely hampered by your deep inner beliefs and now many fears of changing something in your relationship. If the son himself does not want or cannot “separate” from you and leave infantile state, then you yourself will have to initiate these changes.

I really sympathize with you and of course your son needs psychological help, but he must pay for it himself and want to change himself. Therefore, you just have to take care of yourself.

Biryukova Anastasia, your Gestalt psychologist in person in St. Petersburg and on Skype.

Good answer 1 Bad answer 0

Anna, hello. Persuasion and persuasion will not help... It is difficult for you, as a mother, to accept this, but believe me that this is so... He is happy with everything, he will “suffer”, pretend that he is looking for a job, but... he will live the way he wants lives as long as you support him... Your son has “communism” and only if you stop supporting him will you adequately respond to his “nerves” and immediately write a statement to law enforcement agencies, then only then can the son change. You need to use the principle of TOUGH LOVE and this is truly the healthiest thing for your son. You can contain it for now, but what happens later? I hope you understood me correctly. We must respond adequately to any manipulations by our son and say NO. With all my heart, I wish you success and all the best!!!

Igor Letuchy - psychologist, master of psychology, online (Skype) consultant

Good answer 3 Bad answer 0

Anna, good day!
As my colleagues said above, the situation needs to be changed radically.
Your son, otherwise, will continue to sit on your neck, because... it's comfortable for him. He is fed, dressed, and has a roof over his head.
If he really wants to find a job and get settled but interviews are intimidating, then I am willing to work with him on a solution this issue.
However, you should also reconsider your relationship with your son.
I will conduct consultations in Irkutsk on July 2 and 3 (Saturday and Sunday).
You can call (preliminary consultation by phone is 10 minutes free).
I will be glad to help you.

Glinyannikov Yuri Gennadievich, online consultant Irkutsk, Bratsk.

Good answer 1 Bad answer 0

An adult son does not want to work - what to do? If your son doesn’t want to work, what to do, advice from a psychologist

Parents often suffer because they cannot force their son to work. Instead of providing for himself, he prefers to live at the expense of mom and dad. If you have a home and delicious food, then what's the point of going to work? It all starts with this motive.

The task of parents is to understand the reasons for this behavior. Then you should use everything possible ways to cope with the problem of an adult child’s reluctance to work. If the situation is critical, extreme measures will help. If you wish, you can go to a psychologist.

Causes

Often the son does not want to work because of social or emotional immaturity. It seems to him that he is still just a child, and not a grown man. He believes that his mother will always take care of him. When the boy grows up, she will be replaced by a wife who will also feed deliciously, clean and raise the children.

This often happens in 20-year-old guys. Their infantilism is explained by their inability to take responsibility for their actions. They usually live with their parents, not wanting to move to a separate home. IN family budget they do not invest funds, but only devastate it.

Overprotection

Parents with early childhood overprotective of their son. They don’t give him an extra step, no room for error. IN adolescence he is unable to make a decision on his own.

And when peers are already beginning to be interested in their future and look for part-time work, the child believes that such events do not concern him. He lives by the rule - until the age of 23, my parents are obliged to provide for me. He believes that everyone around him owes him something.

Forcing a child to work in this case is useless. If he himself does not want it, then it will be difficult to influence his decision.

Low requests

Not all men are born ambitious. Only some manage to acquire this quality as they grow older. But adult sons who do not want to work have low demands. It shows up like this:

the minimum is enough in everything;
there is no need to buy expensive clothes and other things;
purchasing a car and an apartment (house) are an unattainable dream, etc.

Such a guy is unlikely to open his own business. He will have a regular job with a low salary and bad conditions. A 20-year-old guy will not have a desire for anything more, because his basic needs are satisfied.

If parents provide for it and give everything they need, then there will be no need to look for work at all.

The desire for independence will begin only when he feels dissatisfaction.

Initially, he will try to demand something from his parents. If rejected, he will seriously think about the future and try to find a job.

Diffidence

Develops if the child does not mature in time. It manifests itself as a feeling of helplessness. As a result, the guy will be unable to decide on any global changes and decisive steps.

Leaving everything as is is a bad decision. Action is urgently needed. Due to insecurity, a man not only cannot find a job, he will not be ready to get married.

Any self-respecting girl would want a confident, promising husband, and not one who lies on the couch all day and suffers from idleness.

Failure to plan

There are mothers who, from childhood to adulthood, plan everything for their child, not allowing him to organize his time independently. As a result, he does not possess basic self-organization skills.

Lack of time planning habits turns young man into a helpless, socially maladapted creature. Having too much free time increases the risk that a guy will become addicted to alcohol, drugs, smoking and a wild lifestyle. But the worst thing is that he will blame his parents for everything, not himself.

It’s normal if the search for yourself is over by the age of 22. At this age, a guy or girl thinks about what will happen next and how to provide for themselves decent life.

They can get a job for a year and then go back to being idle. Reasons for this behavior:

reality does not meet expectations;
the work was not enjoyable;
lack of vision of prospects;
desire to try yourself in another field, etc.

Often such young people feel the need to experience own strength and skills in the creative field. They try to make a living by singing, drawing, writing books, and performing comics. But not everyone succeeds and such an attempt becomes unsuccessful.

The young man begins to look for an excuse. He convinces his parents that he was just unlucky this time, but that everything will work out in the future. If the search for yourself does not stop by the age of 25, you need to have a serious conversation with an adult child and take extreme measures.

Shyness and complexness

An adult is afraid of losing his sense of comfort. He begins to suffer because he fails to achieve goals or lacks the ability to organize his life. Then it is necessary to explain that you need to have patience and work carefully so that all your dreams come true.

It is important that parents help in overcoming shyness. You can make an appointment for your son or daughter with a psychologist or special courses. The sooner you do this, the better.

Help

All the psychologist’s advice boils down to the fact that before forcing an adult son to work, it is necessary to have a conversation with him. Find out the reasons:

reluctance to get a job;
prolonged search for oneself;
lack of goals;
demanding behavior.

You need to ask what caused the fear of getting a job. Maybe the son has no work experience, lacks the appropriate education, and is not satisfied with the proposed salary level.

Worst of all, if the reason is ordinary laziness.

It is problematic, sometimes impossible, to force an already formed personality to change anything about itself. This will happen if he himself shows a desire to become better and engage in self-development.

Talk about the future

Give arguments for and against the options voiced. It is very important to help the child understand what he really wants and how this can be achieved.

It is necessary to explain that the son is already very old and the parents are not able to cover his expenses. For some adult sons, such a remark is enough. As a result, he can look for work in his profession or go to any other suitable position. But the main thing is that the parents influenced the child and he decided to do something useful.

If after the conversation the situation worsens and your son does not make contact, stop giving him money.

Let him independently look for funds to satisfy his needs. At first, the son will be offended, indignant and demand something. The main thing is for parents to overcome themselves and ignore this behavior of the child. The path to independence is never easy.

Few people are happy with the prospect of becoming homeless. As a result, the son will have to do something and get a job. What it will be (prestigious or not) depends only on him. When he realizes that being financially independent is very nice, he will thank his parents. Soon changes may also happen in your personal life.

Include in the common life of the family

Try to clearly delineate areas of responsibility - in what the son, as an adult, is responsible for himself, and in what the mother sees responsibility for his life. An excellent solution is to agree with your son that he will take on a certain part of the household chores. You definitely need to show your confidence in the successful performance of your duties.

This can be organized like this:

offer to choose the number of responsibilities yourself;
independently determine which areas of work will be under the control of the son, and simply present him with a fait accompli;
half of the responsibilities are chosen by the parent, half by the son.

Take a principled stand. If the son continues to live with his parents, let him follow the general rules. Only these rules must be clearly formulated.

Gradually, the son will learn to be responsible and will not want to live with his parents. He will see that he is ready for independent life.

Engage motivation

Motivation is what makes a person move forward towards success. It often affects personality development and the speed of achieving goals. Usually, adult sons who do not work do not have it. Therefore, the task of parents is to help in acquiring it.

You can show your son an example of two people - a successful, rich person and an unhappy, poor one. Explain that the future directly depends on having a job and the desire to develop.

If possible, you can demonstrate by example that your goals and desires are achievable. But for this you need to work, and not sit back.

Next step– teach you how to achieve goals. To do this, show:

how to put real ones, achievable goals;
how to develop a plan;
how to determine how much time is needed to achieve a dream;
how to find funds for implementation;
what actions will help speed up the process.

After such a conversation, offer your son a simple task consisting of many processes. If successful, praise. You can arrange a holiday for the whole family. It is important that the praise be sincere.

This simple method will show an adult child that gradually any goal can be achieved. The main thing is to work hard.

Chat with friends

Having an adult and unemployed son is a disgrace and shame for every parent. If the situation is critical and no reproaches or requests have helped, you can turn to your son’s friends for help. Important note - they must have a job. It’s great if they develop themselves and have success in their personal lives.

This method works effectively. The son communicates with a peer, sees what he has achieved, and wants to try to become just as successful. This method is called negative motivation in psychology. If a guy has normal self-esteem and is not complex, then such a conversation can become a motivation to start working. Otherwise, it will aggravate the situation and become a reason for depression.

Treatment with a psychologist

If the parents themselves could not persuade their son to go to work, help is needed family psychologist. Most effective technique is cognitive behavioral therapy. Its goal is to change the patient’s type of thinking and behavior pattern.

why any mention of work causes fear, horror and stress;
why I don't want to work;
what will happen if I get a job;
what will happen if my parents stop supporting me;
what are my goals;
what I expect to receive in the future, etc.

Often adult children who do not want to work do not think about it. They live for today. Therefore, such thoughts can cause an unexpected reaction - aggression, hysteria, manifestations mental disorder. The psychologist’s task is to establish contact and get answers to your queries.

When contact with the patient is established and he is ready to work on himself, he is asked to keep a success diary.

You need to make notes in it every day. Their number is at least 5. It is worth recording your successes on the way to achieving your goal and thanking the people who made the day colorful and good. This will help you see that the guy is moving in the right direction and will teach you to appreciate the help of your parents.

The patient is encouraged to use affirmations. These are positive statements whose purpose is to motivate a person to succeed. They must be pronounced in difficult periods to believe in yourself and your strengths.

An important part treatment - doing homework. They allow you to consolidate the material discussed in individual sessions.

Examples of homework:

watching inspiring films;
reading stories successful people, companies;
attending events where the main speaker will be famous person;
working with a recruiter to create a “selling” resume and successful completion interviews for the desired vacancy;
taking self-development courses, etc.

As a result of successful completion of cognitive behavioral therapy, a young adult will find the strength to develop and get a job. Negative attitudes will change to positive ones. Instead of a lazy and dependent son, there will be a confident, working young man.

Conclusion

There are adult sons who cannot be forced to work. They find many reasons for this - lack of good work, insufficient experience and knowledge, poor pay. But usually the main motive is laziness.

The first thing to do is to create an unfavorable living environment. Stop giving your adult child money and food. Make sure that his needs are not met with the help of his parents. You can take other advice from psychologists or make an appointment with a specialist.

psyhoday.ru

An adult son does not want to work - what to do?

Reader question: Hello, I have a problem with which I have already tried everything possible. All the advice from friends and so on, but nothing works. My son, he is 24, finished his studies two years ago. And since then he has never found a job. He has a serious specialty - he is a lawyer, deals with copyrights. But suddenly, towards the end of the institute (he was already working part-time), he said that he realized that this was not for him. And he will look for something else to do. But two years have already passed, and he is still “looking” At the same time, he had very good propositions for work in his specialty, but he prefers to either work as a bartender or earn extra money as a musician (he plays the drums)… I’m worried that he will now completely miss his chance for a good life… What to do? Elena, 55 years old

Psychologist's answer:

answers Christian psychologist - consultant Lazarev Maxim Anatolyevich

Hello, dear Elena! I can only imagine how hard it is for you now. The son you raised for almost a quarter of a century, raised, tried to give a good education, suddenly says that he does not want to do what he planned, despite the prestige of the profession. And he has every opportunity to become the good lawyer he trained to be. It feels like you're at a dead end - not a single piece of advice works, you've already tried everything you can.

Two years ago your son’s adult life began. But it is still in “test” mode - he has no family, no children, and he is responsible only for himself. He has the time and opportunity to try, test himself, and understand what his calling is. Your son graduated from college and decided to “either work as a bartender or earn extra money as a musician...” rather than work in the legal field. And after all, he graduated from college, and didn’t quit last year, as often happens. This is largely a compliment to you as a parent: your son not only completes what he starts, but is also capable of making responsible decisions.

Let me clarify: it’s not that your son “doesn’t want to work”, he doesn’t want to work as a lawyer - after all, he still works and earns money, and the job of a bartender is not easy! In addition, he plays music and manages to earn money from this too. I can assume that music is what he really loves and is trying to somehow realize himself in this area. If your son really didn’t want to work, the short answer could be this: stop supporting him, put a certain distance between each other, after all, he should be an independent young man. But your son is working, although you don’t like his chosen field, and is looking for something else. You have a fear that he will miss out last chance for a good life, but about a good life for whom we're talking about? What exactly do you want for your son - for him to earn decent money, have a prestigious profession, respect from those around him? Maybe, a good life for him, this means (not forgetting about his daily bread) to look for his calling and realize himself in it.

If you really want to figure out what’s going on and why he didn’t want to work in his specialty, talk to him about it! Talk about your thoughts and experiences and try to hear his answer.

Ask your son about his current interests and professional aspirations and listen carefully. Just listen, silently, without talking about whether it is right or wrong. Ask clarifying questions: what is good in his activities, what is bad, what does he like most, what is missing, why does he think about it, what exactly is his interest, how keen is his interest? Such questions will help you understand him, and can put your son in an analytical mood - what if he really wants to return to legal activity. Despite the fact that children are our everything, our world, one of the main tasks of a parent is to make yesterday’s child capable of responsible choice by independent adults. And that’s it, then the life of this person begins. A life in which there are and will be mistakes, ups and downs. Of course, sometimes you want to lay down straw, and even cover the path with pink petals. But then this is no longer the life of your son, but the one that is imposed on him.

Issues of excessive attachment of parents to children or children to parents are the direct competence and daily work of a psychologist. If you are concerned about this problem and feel that you are not always able to resolve it completely, then the best option is to seek help from a professional.

An archive of all questions can be found here. If you do not find the question you are interested in, you can always ask it on our website.

foma.ru

My son doesn't want to work. What to do?

Question to a psychologist

Asked by: Anna

Answers from psychologists

Anna, hello.

The situation is truly terrible and apparently it will no longer have to be solved, but broken, as you wrote.

If possible, go for a consultation on Skype, as you are most likely hampered by your deep inner beliefs and now many fears of changing something in your relationship. If the son himself does not want or cannot “separate” from you and leave the infantile state, then you yourself will have to initiate these changes.

I really sympathize with you and of course my son needs psychological help, but he must pay for it himself and want to change himself. Therefore, you just have to take care of yourself.

Biryukova Anastasia, your Gestalt psychologist in person in St. Petersburg and on Skype.

Anna, hello. Persuasion and persuasion will not help... It is difficult for you, as a mother, to accept this, but believe me that this is so... He is happy with everything, he will “suffer”, pretend that he is looking for a job, but... he will live the way he wants lives as long as you support him... Your son has “communism” and only if you stop supporting him, react adequately to his “nerves”, immediately write a statement to law enforcement agencies, then only then can your son change. You need to use the principle of TOUGH LOVE and this is truly the healthiest thing for your son. You can contain it for now, but what happens later? I hope you understood me correctly. We must respond adequately to any manipulations by our son and say NO. With all my heart, I wish you success and all the best!!!

Igor Letuchy - psychologist, master of psychology, online (Skype) consultant

Psychologist Irkutsk Last visit: 2 days ago

Replies on the site: 1347 Conducts trainings: 3 Publications: 18

Anna, good day! As my colleagues said above, the situation needs to be changed radically. Your son, otherwise, will continue to sit on your neck, because... it's comfortable for him. He is fed, dressed, and has a roof over his head. If he really wants to find a job and get a job, but interviews scare him, then I am ready to work with him to resolve this issue. However, you should also reconsider your relationship with your son. I will conduct consultations in Irkutsk on July 2 and 3 (Saturday and Sunday). You can call (preliminary consultation by phone is 10 minutes free). I will be glad to help you.

Glinyannikov Yuri Gennadievich, online consultant Irkutsk, Bratsk.

30.06.2016 | 1674

www.all-psy.com

Personal life

And when it seems that the child has finally matured, many are in for an unpleasant surprise: it turns out that the folk wisdom “little children are little troubles” is completely true. Your adult son has begun to cause you much more trouble than he did as a child.

Rudeness and secrecy

The solution to the problem of rudeness is simple: remember that you are a girl and he is a boy. The difference in age or social status means absolutely nothing; masculinity or femininity is nature itself. And she endowed her creations not only with a different set of chromosomes, but also with completely different hormonal levels.

Due to testosterone and adrenaline, men are more impatient, aggressive and unyielding. “Pour out your sorrows” is for young ladies, and not for the sons of Mars: they are generally sure that conversations about mental balance are complete nonsense, and they do not consider this a problem.

You will have to again put yourself and your experiences first from the end, and make an obvious and very unpopular decision - not to interfere in a man’s personal life, even if he is your son.

Doesn't want to work, demands money

The most important thing: be sure and demonstratively reduce your work activity! Let him wash his own socks, wash the dishes and cook if your cooking no longer suits him. Otherwise, he will grow dirty and lose a little weight, and after listening to your complaints about the lack of time and money for the hundredth time, he will at least start running outside and breathing fresh air.

I started studying, but suddenly stopped going to classes

My son doesn't leave the computer, he plays constantly

Life in the virtual world attracts with limitless possibilities, and almost no effort is required, except maybe clicking a mouse... If “in real life” your adult son is dissatisfied with himself, does not receive or is unable to receive what he (in his opinion) deserves, then leaving in virtuality is natural.

You can feel the smell without looking at the bun, and take your mind off the game a little. Next time, stay and exchange a few phrases.

Everything resembles taming, small steps to restore trust. And if your son trusts you, he will go: first by the hand, like a little one, and then into life.

Then let him go on his own, and you will be happy for your adult son... Good luck to him and to you.

personallife.ru

Question to a psychologist

Asked by: Anna

*I have problems with my adult son - he doesn’t work, he doesn’t strive for anything, he’s 26. He sits on my neck at home, he’s not active. He drinks, watches porn often, plays it loud, I have to listen to everything. Not sociable, not contactable. He has an education, but he stays at home. I withdraw into myself, I feed him, I sing him, and he, the impudent fellow, still makes claims to me and scolds me. What should I do? How to help a child?

Answers from psychologists

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna

Psychologist Moscow

Hello Anna! let's look at what's going on:

Doesn’t work, doesn’t strive for anything, he’s 26. Sits on my neck, at home, inactive. He drinks, watches porn often, plays it loud, I have to listen to everything. Doesn’t listen to comments. He’ll buy some wine and beer, turn on porn and sit there while I listen. Uncommunicative, uncommunicative.

he has no motivation and will not appear as long as you see him as a child and support him, saving him from the consequences of his own choice - he does not work, does nothing and you support him - at whose expense does he buy alcohol? who pays for his internet? who puts up with all this? You!

HOW to help a child?

You can no longer help him - you should see him as an ADULT, and not a child who needs to explain something and try to help - with your help (by what you support), you essentially encourage his immaturity. There is only one way out - to separate him from yourself, leave and give him the opportunity to build his own life - let him face the consequences of his actions and inactions - that he needs to provide for himself and earn money himself, and his mother will no longer save him from his own life! Now he has to take responsibility for his life, and you have to give it to him!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Yarovaya Larisa Anatolyevna

Psychologist Moscow

IN given time this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

Anna, good afternoon.

You will help your son by stopping supporting him. Why should he work if his mother feeds and drinks him? By the fact that you provide for him, you yourself seem to support his inaction.

HOW to help a child?

As long as you consider him a child, he will behave like a little one. You're probably thinking, "Well, why don't I give my boy a piece of bread and butter? He's my son." But he is no longer a child, he is an adult, has an education and is quite capable of supporting himself. Give him responsibility for his life.

Yarovaya Larisa Anatolyevna, psychologist Moscow

Alyokhina Elena Vasilievna

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

Anna, hello.

To find one’s place in society and start earning money, a person needs to form a whole complex psychological skills and skills. Normally, this occurs in adolescence between the ages of 7 and 17. During this period, he masters in practice the concepts of rights and responsibilities. At the same time, during this same period, a person encounters manifestations of sexuality and learns to master it, to relate his desires to relationships with other people. During adolescence, a person also masters basic skills of self-organization and management of his actions. First of all, parents help a teenager master all these skills.

What is happening to your son shows, shows that he has a set of skills necessary for social adaptation either it is not sufficiently formed, or there are some significant flaws in it.

In order to move the situation in a favorable direction, you need to:

first, realize that easy solution it is not and cannot be here.

secondly, you yourself need to start working with a psychologist. Yes Yes. Exactly for you. Because, in order to truly give the son responsibility for his own life, You will now have to change in your relationship with him those unfavorable forms of interaction that will close the path to a dependent existence for him. To do this you will have to work with yourself. You will have to learn, first of all, to love yourself and take care of yourself. You need to develop a healthy (!) egoism in yourself, without which the task of letting your son set sail on his own cannot be solved.

Professional help from a psychologist in this matter is, of course, very, very desirable. You can contact me.

All the best,

Sincerely,

Alyokhina Elena Vasilievna, consultations in Moscow and on Skype

Smirnova Alexandra Vladimirovna

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

Hello Anna.

HOW to help a child?

Keyword CHILD. When you stop treating him like a child, he will have to grow up. He is in a very advantageous position: warm, fed, watered, with the Internet, plus bonuses - beer, wine, cigarettes. Why work and develop?

Your son is not socially adaptive, because... I couldn’t separate myself from you in time. Why this happened and how to move to a more mature position, find answers to these questions by working with a psychologist.

Sincerely.

Lizyaev Pyotr Yurievich

Psychologist Moscow

At this time, this psychologist does not answer questions from site visitors. You can ask questions to other psychologists

To “help” such a “snickering dependent”, you just need to stop feeding the “chick”...

Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist-psychotherapist Face-to-face consultations/psychotherapy in Moscow - individually and in a group, as well as via Skype.

26.01.2018 | 666

Subscribe to the magazine "All Psychology"

Best articles, tests, answers to questions Free! More than 100 thousand subscribers!

www.all-psy.com

The adult son does not want to work. What to do?

Many parents face the problem of an adult son’s reluctance to work and provide for himself. The young man doesn’t want anything, is content with little, and categorically refuses to look for any useful activity. IN best case scenario he sits days and nights near the computer, at worst he drinks and goes out with friends. What to do, how to make a guy come to his senses?

There are constant scandals and showdowns in the house. Parents are trying to remove an overgrown child from their allowance and evict them from shared housing. TO positive result Such methods are rarely used. The reasons are the guy’s character, lack of motivation to achieve, poverty of interests. What to do?

Step 1: Establish communication and create a safe space

If a young person is mentally healthy, such behavior indicates huge personal problems. Something was missing in childhood or adolescence. Maybe the parents were busy with work, maybe sorting things out - it doesn’t matter anymore. There is no need to blame yourself. What happened has already passed. We need to try to improve our relationship with our child now.

Start building a relationship with him. Relationships are communication. Mutual support in everything. Mutual interest in each other's lives.

Explain to him that you are not able to cover all his needs, but you will make sure that he does not go hungry. Stick to this rule strictly. Food is free, everything else has to be earned. Try to agree on how to share household responsibilities. If he refuses, put it off until better times.

Step 2. Be interested in his hobbies

Be interested in what excites and interests him. It doesn’t matter that your son’s hobbies seem childish and empty to you. Ask, delve into, find out how his affairs are progressing. Celebrate success, even if it's a transition to new level games.

Create a habit of having dinners and lunches together. Talk yourself, talk about your life, ask his opinion. Encourage him to share. Take small steps and gradually. Your goal is friendly partnerships.

Step 3. Include in the common life of the family

Once you feel that your goal has been achieved, start moving forward. Any family is a system that has its own way of life and material support. For it to function, you need to do a lot of things.

Agree with your son that he will take on some of the responsibilities. Make it clear that you are confident he can handle it. Offer to choose an area of work that he wants to take control of: cleanliness in the house, cooking, pets, shopping, and so on.

You may have to start small. For example, if he wants some dish, offer to cook it together. Let him know that you appreciate his help. Make the cooking process fun and interesting. Make him feel like a winner. He must understand what he can do and feel pleasure from his achievements.

You will have to act gradually. Be patient if something doesn't work out. Look for something to praise for. It is important to show a strong emotional reaction to success or even the intention to help.

Organize common holidays. Give your son the opportunity to prove himself. Show him your pride in his success. This strategy is designed for young children, but if this was not done at one time, you need to work now.

Step 4. Develop interest in yourself and other people

Constantly ask your son questions about his preferences. What he likes, what he loves, what causes irritation. Carefully try to arouse interest in surrounding life.

To do this, use the old proven method - gossip. Nothing interests people more than other people's troubles and mistakes. Tell stories about your life. Discuss mutual friends and colleagues. Don't neglect artists, stars, famous people. Gossip, gossip, gossip...

Talk not only about events and actions, but also about possible motives. Ask the question: “Why did he (she) do this?” and answer it yourself. By doing this you will expand his understanding of the environment and people.

"Play" psychological tests. Now on the Internet you can find many techniques for the most various topics. Start testing yourself and get your son hooked on this hobby. Switch from frivolous jokes to professional questionnaires. This will help clear the fog inner world and understand yourself better. Don't forget to discuss the results together.

Step 5: Engage Motivation

Motivation is what keeps us moving. If there is action, then there is motivation. Motivation is dreams. Everyone has them. Big or small. Someone wants a beautiful car, someone needs best computer, and for some the dream is travel.

Work on motivation is carried out in several stages:

1. Talk about it. Tell me what you want and ask your son.

2. Demonstrate through your own and other people’s examples that desires are achievable.

3. Teach you to achieve your desires. Point to simple things how a desire (dream) turns into a goal, how a plan is developed, means are sought, actions are taken and the result is obtained. Gradually involve your son.

4. Emotional reaction There should be bright, sincere praise for achievements.

Step 6. Look for a job together

By this stage, socialization within the family is completed and further advancement into society begins. With the advent of normal relationships with others and with oneself, conscious needs should also appear. It's time to look for a job.

It will tell you how to do this life experience and special resources. But the first service is not always successful. It is important to be there and support in everything. Be prepared for the fact that this is a long process. Thus, to solve the problem of an adult son’s reluctance to work, you will have to:

1. Go back a few years in your upbringing to fill in the gaps in socialization.

2. Improve relations with your son.

3. Lead him into the world of adult responsibility.

4. “Include” in the life of the family, and then the rest of society.

At all stages, you can and should use the help of a psychologist. Start with personal counseling. Understand a little about your communication problems and build interaction with your child.

megiz.ru

Problems with an adult son - what to do?: ru_psiholog

ihopesomuch (ihopesomuch) wrote in ru_psiholog, 2015-10-03 23:46:00 I kindly ask you to help me make a decision in difficult situation, which has been going on for more than five years. I present it very briefly, like many - from an empty account... I have an adult son, he is 25. The young man plays (world of war craft). Doesn't work, doesn't study. IN different time he was given every possible support from his relatives so that the young man could get an education and a profession. But the institute was abandoned twice (the budget and the restoration I paid for paid branch), plus a couple of years ago, shortly before graduation, his chosen one was also thrown commercial university, where it was possible to quickly master the profession that he had also chosen (I was disappointed, I didn’t like the teachers, etc.). UPD: it all started in the first year of the institute. I passed the first session the second time with excellent marks, the second - already with difficulty and retakes in the fall. I stopped studying from the second year - virtual life replaced the real one. The character and attitude towards loved ones has changed. as a child I was very good guy- interesting, inquisitive, empathic, attached to loved ones. for a long time I was engaged in swimming, sambo, snowboarding, roller skating, loved a dog, were Good friends. went with me to volunteer in orphanages. I read a lot. Now he is a person with a completely different character. it’s very difficult to talk - you have to wade through the meaning of each phrase, in which there are clouds of vague hints that he understands what’s what - in such a global sense. he has a very good tongue, but after five minutes of conversation his brain explodes in attempts to get to the meaning of what was said, to return to the mainstream of the conversation. At first he gives the impression of being smart and well-read - then you quickly realize that this is all multi-layered demagoguery about nothing. sports, friends - no. Interests: chess, philosophy. if he doesn't play, he can spend hours watching movies, sorting out chess games, listen to some philosophical lectures. As far as I manage to see this in rare short visits. We do not live under the same roof, because... From a certain point, living together turned out to be completely unbearable. Conversations were held, conditions were written down, etc., but the young man crap around himself in layers and did not clean up, did nothing (he skipped college - went to play with a friend at that time), did not work and constantly lied enchantingly. At some point, the resource ran out, and the young man went to live with his dad. Then to grandma. Then he returned home, but all hell broke loose again. In short, as soon as the opportunity arose, he was given a separate one-room apartment in a very good area Moscow. Now she is a terrible, creepy sight. Broken furniture that should be thrown in the trash, but this is not done. Mountains of garbage, dirt, etc. The refrigerator does not work, hot water doesn't flow. From time to time, the boy found a job or a part-time job, but he either did not stay in one place for more than a month and a half, or was unable to go to work at the appointed time (played at night and slept in the morning). He didn’t like the job of a waiter, which I got him for through a restaurant director I knew – it was hard and the pay was low. Summons from the military registration and enlistment office regularly arrive, but the young man does not want to serve. And if he doesn’t want to, then he shouldn’t, in his opinion. It is extremely difficult to talk to him. Man about himself in highest degree has a high opinion, and if you try to convey to him your vision of the situation, he behaves extremely arrogantly and boorishly. I tell him that I am ready to help in every possible way and do anything for him - provided that he admits that there is something wrong with him and he needs help. Just as always, she said that she was ready to help in every possible way - but only if he tried to do something himself. Actually, having gone a certain way in understanding and accepting this situation, I understand perfectly well that my son serious problems, most likely this is a certain degree of mental disorder, but everything is fixable and solvable - if only there is his personal will and desire. No specialist can help “from photographs”. And if a person wants to live like this (from hand to mouth, in a pigsty, idle and alone) - this is his conscious adult choice. AND for a long time, in general, I tried my best to leave him alone, giving him the opportunity to learn to live independently adult life, decide your own household and social problems and take responsibility. Supporting only minimally, so that the person understands that there is no freebie, and I am not a sponsor. However, today I grabbed some " the last straw" I found him a part-time job as a courier, quite stable. She promised to buy a travel pass as help, and also bring some things. Arriving at the apartment, I ran into a neighbor who told me that my son several times left notes for neighbors like: “Help. I am hungry". Moreover, this same neighbor’s situation is not the best - exactly the same adult boy, only he’s also a drug addict, sits on her neck. Therefore, a note was left to the third neighbors - from behind whose doors I heard the voices of small children. It was a shock for me. There were situations when my son called that he had nothing to eat. I bought the simplest products for two weeks and took them, or called his father and asked him to do it. The young man always has his Internet and phone working. And he can, at worst, call me, his father or his grandmother so that they can bring him food. But when a healthy, strong young man leaves a note at the door of neighbors who have small children, instead of looking up from the computer and going to earn a piece of bread - for me this is a wild situation. I’m very upset and I can’t help but think that I can’t just look at all this anymore. I would like to hear opinions from outsiders - especially psychologists, psychiatrists, or simply smart people- what to do with it? Continue to “leave it alone”, expecting that it will grow up and turn from I don’t know who into good man? Delivered with a police squad to the military registration and enlistment office? Evict from the apartment - to worse conditions / to the street / to your father? Something else? Nothing? Help me understand what to do? (((UPD2: I am looking for a good psychotherapist/psychiatrist to travel and further (hopefully) work (in Moscow).

PhotoHint http://pics.livejournal.com/igrick/pic/000r1edq

The task of parents is to understand the reasons for this behavior. Next, you should use all possible methods to cope with the problem of an adult child’s reluctance to work. If the situation is critical, extreme measures will help. If you wish, you can go to a psychologist.

Causes

Often the son does not want to work due to social or emotional immaturity. It seems to him that he is still just a child, and not a grown man. He believes that his mother will always take care of him. When the boy grows up, she will be replaced by a wife who will also feed deliciously, clean and raise the children.

This often happens in 20-year-old guys. Their infantilism is explained by their inability to take responsibility for their actions. They usually live with their parents, not wanting to move to a separate home. They do not invest money in the family budget, but only empty it.

Overprotection

Parents are overprotective of their son from early childhood. They don’t give him an extra step, no room for error. In adolescence, he is unable to make decisions on his own.

Forcing a child to work in this case is useless. If he himself does not want it, then it will be difficult to influence his decision.

Low requests

Not all men are born ambitious. Only some manage to acquire this quality as they grow older. But adult sons who do not want to work have low demands. It shows up like this:

the minimum is enough in everything;
there is no need to buy expensive clothes and other things;
purchasing a car and an apartment (house) are an unattainable dream, etc.

Such a guy is unlikely to open his own business. He will have an ordinary job with low wages and poor conditions. A 20-year-old guy will not have a desire for anything more, because his basic needs are satisfied.

If parents provide for it and give everything they need, then there will be no need to look for work at all.

The desire for independence will begin only when he feels dissatisfaction.

Initially, he will try to demand something from his parents. If rejected, he will seriously think about the future and try to find a job.

Diffidence

Develops if the child does not mature in time. It manifests itself as a feeling of helplessness. As a result, the guy will be unable to decide on any global changes and decisive steps.

Leaving everything as is is a bad decision. Action is urgently needed. Due to insecurity, a man not only cannot find a job, he will not be ready to get married.

Any self-respecting girl would want a confident, promising husband, and not one who lies on the couch all day and suffers from idleness.

Failure to plan

Lack of time planning habits turns a young man into a helpless, socially maladapted creature. Having too much free time increases the risk that a guy will become addicted to alcohol, drugs, smoking and a wild lifestyle. But the worst thing is that he will blame his parents for everything, not himself.

It’s normal if the search for yourself is over by the age of 22. At this age, a guy or girl thinks about what will happen next and how to provide themselves with a decent life.

They can get a job for a year and then go back to being idle. Reasons for this behavior:

reality does not meet expectations;
the work was not enjoyable;
lack of vision of prospects;
desire to try yourself in another field, etc.

Often such young people feel the need to test their own strengths and skills in the creative field. They try to make a living by singing, drawing, writing books, and performing comics. But not everyone succeeds and such an attempt becomes unsuccessful.

Shyness and complexness

It is important that parents help in overcoming shyness. You can sign up your son or daughter for an appointment with a psychologist or special courses. The sooner you do this, the better.

Help

All the psychologist’s advice boils down to the fact that before forcing an adult son to work, it is necessary to have a conversation with him. Find out the reasons:

reluctance to get a job;
prolonged search for oneself;
lack of goals;
demanding behavior.

You need to ask what caused the fear of getting a job. Maybe the son has no work experience, lacks the appropriate education, and is not satisfied with the proposed salary level.

The worst thing is if the reason is ordinary laziness.

Talk about the future

Give arguments for and against the options voiced. It is very important to help the child understand what he really wants and how this can be achieved.

If after the conversation the situation worsens and your son does not make contact, stop giving him money.

Include in the common life of the family

This can be organized like this:

offer to choose the number of responsibilities yourself;
independently determine which areas of work will be under the control of the son, and simply present him with a fait accompli;
half of the responsibilities are chosen by the parent, half by the son.

Take a principled stand. If the son continues to live with his parents, let him follow the general rules. Only these rules must be clearly formulated.

Gradually, the son will learn to be responsible and will not want to live with his parents. He will see that he is ready for an independent life.

Engage motivation

You can show your son an example of two people - a successful, rich person and an unhappy, poor one. Explain that the future directly depends on having a job and the desire to develop.

If possible, you can demonstrate by example that your goals and desires are achievable. But for this you need to work, and not sit back.

The next step is to teach you how to achieve your goals. To do this, show:

how to set realistic, achievable goals;
how to develop a plan;
how to determine how much time is needed to achieve a dream;
how to find funds for implementation;
what actions will help speed up the process.

This simple method will show an adult child that gradually any goal can be achieved. The main thing is to work hard.

Chat with friends

Treatment with a psychologist

If the parents themselves could not persuade their son to go to work, the help of a family psychologist is needed. The most effective technique is cognitive behavioral therapy. Its goal is to change the patient’s type of thinking and behavior pattern.

why any mention of work causes fear, horror and stress;
why I don't want to work;
what will happen if I get a job;
what will happen if my parents stop supporting me;
what are my goals;
what I expect to receive in the future, etc.

Often adult children who do not want to work do not think about it. They live for today. Therefore, such thoughts can cause an unexpected reaction - aggression, hysteria, manifestations of mental disorder. The psychologist’s task is to establish contact and get answers to your queries.

When contact with the patient is established and he is ready to work on himself, he is asked to keep a success diary.

The patient is encouraged to use affirmations. These are positive statements whose purpose is to motivate a person to succeed. They must be said during difficult periods in order to believe in yourself and your strength.

An important part of treatment is doing homework. They allow you to consolidate the material discussed in individual sessions.

Examples of homework:

watching inspiring films;
reading stories of successful people and companies;
attending events where the main speaker will be a famous person;
working with a recruiter to create a “selling” resume and successfully pass an interview for the desired vacancy;
taking self-development courses, etc.

As a result of successful completion of cognitive behavioral therapy, a young adult will find the strength to develop and get a job. Negative attitudes will be replaced by positive ones. Instead of a lazy and dependent son, there will be a confident, working young man.

Conclusion

There are adult sons who cannot be forced to work. They find many reasons for this - lack of good work, insufficient experience and knowledge, poor pay. But usually the main motive is laziness.

Many parents face the problem of an adult son's reluctance to work and provide for himself. The young man does not want anything, is content with little, and categorically refuses to look for any useful occupation. At best, he sits days and nights near the computer, at worst, he drinks and goes out with friends. What to do, how to make a guy come to his senses?

There are constant scandals and showdowns in the house. Parents are trying to remove an overgrown child from their allowance and evict them from shared housing. Such methods rarely lead to a positive result. The reasons are in the guy's character, lack of motivation to achieve, poverty of interests. What to do ?

Step 1 . Establish communication and create a safe space

If the young man is mentally healthy, such behavior testifies about huge personal problems. Something was missing in childhood or adolescence. Maybe the parents were busy with work, maybe sorting things out - it doesn’t matter anymore. There is no need to blame yourself. What happened has already passed. We need to try to improve our relationship with our child now.

Start building a relationship with him. Relationships are communication. Mutual support in everything. Mutual interest in each other's lives.

Explain to him that you are not able to cover all his needs, but you will make sure that he does not go hungry. Hard stick to this rule. Food is free, everything else has to be earned. Try to agree on a division of household chores. If he refuses, put it off until better times.

Step 2. Be interested in his hobbies

Be interested in what excites and interests him. It doesn't matter that your son's hobbies seem childish and empty to you. Ask questions, delve into it, find out how his affairs are progressing. Celebrate your success, even if it's taking your game to the next level.

Start the custom of having dinners and lunches together. Talk to him yourself, talk about your life, ask his opinion. Encourage him to share. Take small steps and gradually. Your goal is friendly partnerships.

Step 3. Include in the common life of the family

Once you feel that the goal has been achieved, start moving forward. Any family is a system that has its own way of life and material support. So that she functioned, there are a lot of things to do.

Agree with your son that he will take on some of the responsibilitiesmyself. Make it clear that you are confident that he can handle it. Offer to choose an area of work that he wants to take control of: cleanliness in the house, cooking, pets, shopping, and so on.

You may have to start small. For example, he wants some dish, offer to cook it together. Let him know that you appreciate his help. Make the cooking process fun and interesting. Make him feel like a winner. He must understand what he can do and feel pleasure from his achievements.

Step 4. Develop interest in yourself and other people

Constantly ask your son questions about his preferences. What he likes, what he loves, what causes irritation. Carefully try to awaken interest in the life around you.

"Play" in psychological tests. Now on the Internet you can find many techniques on a variety of topics. Start testing yourself and get your son hooked on this hobby. Switch from frivolous jokes to professional questionnaires. This will help dispel the fog of the inner world and better understand yourself. Don't forget to discuss the results together.

Step 5: Engage Motivation

Motivation is what makes us move. If there is action, then there is motivation. Motivation is dreams. Everyone has them. Big or small. Someone wants a beautiful car, someone needs the best computer, and for someone, travel is their dream.

Work on motivation is carried out in several stages:

1 . Talk about it. Tell me what you want and ask your son.

2 . Demonstrate using your own and other people's examples that desires are achievable.

3 . Learn to achieve your desires. Show in simple things how a desire (dream) turns into a goal, how is being developed a plan, means are sought, actions are taken and a result is obtained. Gradually involve your son.

4 . Emotional the reaction to achievements should be bright, the praise should be sincere.

Step 6. Look for a job together

Life experience and special resources will tell you how to do this. But the first service is not always successful. Here it is important to be there and support in everything. Be prepared for the fact that this is a long process. Thus, to solve the problem of an adult son’s reluctance to work, you will have to:

1 . Go back a few years in your upbringing to fill in the gaps in socialization.

2 . Establish a relationship with your son.

3 . Lead him into the adult world responsibility.

4 . “Include” in the life of the family, and then the rest of society.

At all stages, you can and should use the help of a psychologist. Start with personal counseling. Understand a little about your communication problems and build interaction with your child.