Ecology of consciousness: Psychology. Understand the Idea... Try to find what the Meaning was. What did Life teach me?
When I myself was a client of a psychologist, I visited psychological groups and trainings, I found myself feeling offended by the therapy situation itself. So it was Hard childhood, all the time I did nothing but “cope,” “survive,” “overcome,” but I grew up, became an adult, but you still “cope,” only now with the consequences of such a childhood.
You understand that as an Adult, you are not effective! It is not you who completely control your life, but the “cockroaches” who control it. And I would be glad to change, but the unconscious is stronger and it’s good if you go to a psychologist. Damn, but what a shame it is that childhood was “rubbish” and adult life is difficult and you still have to pay your hard-earned money to “get treatment” and again they are poking around in children’s topics.
And how, like, good for those who grew up in prosperous family With good parents and they don’t have to go to a therapist as adults and waste money and time. Well, don’t you agree, it’s not fair? Is born White envy towards these lucky ones and, of course, anger at one’s Fate. But, “the ways of the Lord are mysterious.” And an article about Is there at least some Sense in such a childhood and so many efforts to “heal” already in adulthood.
Initially, I noticed “gains” from the entire situation when I led supervisory groups for psychodramatic psychologists. Each student’s style of leading a group and interacting with clients was different. Some had more of an emphasis on gentleness, some on leadership, some empathized well and the process moved, and some included analysis well with the client and the process also moved.
“Change of directors” was often practiced, that is, when one process of one client is carried out by several therapists for half an hour. And here, with one client, the individual style each presenter. It was interesting. But it was even more interesting to pay attention to how this style was influenced past experience therapist, including children's.
Here I had a bonus in that I had once done their processes with many therapists during my three-year training in psychodrama and knew them well family stories and injuries. By observing them from the outside as a supervisor and not being fully involved in the client's work, I began to pay attention to their greatest strengths. It turned out that many of these qualities were developed by them as compensation for what they themselves did not have in childhood. They knew the VALUE of it when they did NOT receive it, but they really needed it.
Example: Parents never listened, were busy and brushed it off. And the child, who has already grown up, is now a therapist with all his attention. Doesn't interrupt, catches every word, is interested if he doesn't understand. And the client opens up, sits in a relaxed position and it is clear from his body that he is in good emotional contact with the therapist. A skill developed as something the child needed. He knew the value of listening!
And I began to observe other therapists and track what was going smoothly for them and moving the therapeutic process well. And the assumption was confirmed; this was the case for the majority. Those who were under-hugged were close to the client and could be hugged when the client was having a hard time. They could take him by the hand when he was scared. Those who were yelled at spoke quietly, but audibly, with accents. Where darkness and depression reigned in families, they included many game moments, turned on the group and turned a lot of things into fun.
But I’m still talking about well-trained people, therapists, most of whom have undergone individual therapy. Those topics that I mentioned were completely worked out by them and did not “focus.” But the resource removed from childhood trauma remained. I wanted this to happen so much that it appeared. I think that most of them worked on these topics, since they are very significant, since the resource was so developed.
And here a paradox emerged - most of the therapists did NOT consider this something SPECIAL in their work, or in life. When I brought this resource to their attention, they said: “Come on, what kind of resource is this? For me it’s like breathing, what’s special about that? If only I had this..." and other qualities were mentioned. Since this was a trend, I decided to explore this more deeply and looked at my strengths as a therapist and drew a parallel with my childhood.
I had a lot of experience in reflection and supervision, but I still asked my colleagues what they considered my strengths. The main ones were:
- calm perception of the most difficult situations among clients,
- a sense of humor even in the most difficult moments,
- ability to involve the whole group in work,
- leadership skill of a good leader-trainer-coach,
- empathy in pain and other feelings,
- the ability to see a situation from the most different sides and in every detail,
- full presence - the ability to be in the here and now, with the client as he is and his acceptance.
WITH the listed qualities I completely agreed and certainly didn’t consider many of them to be particularly strong skills. How to breathe. Well, my colleagues saw me at study groups and at conferences, many went to client groups where I was the leader and could notice something. So I had to somehow supervise myself.
I will draw a parallel between the skill and my childhood, and you will somehow look at your work, hobbies, communications from your own perspective. strengths. Perhaps there will also be a parallel with a difficult childhood. Or maybe on the contrary, this particular skill was supported in the family, that’s also good - remember the resource.
Well then, point by point, as I imagine it in relation:
- calm perception of the most difficult situations among clients
I’m not sure that this is purely the influence of childhood, since there were a lot of events, but what I learned from childhood is that some kind of ass happens all the time. Well, it happened again, you move on with your life. Trash again - you move on with your life. Beat up - you move on with your life. They yelled - you move on with your life. There is no money for anything - you move on with your life. Betrayed - you move on with your life.
Each subsequent event becomes the NORM that the whole life is a complete ass. There is nothing else. While you can be happy, be happy, play, live, then the ass will come anyway. Why be surprised? He was shocked, threw something against the wall, cursed and forward, with his chest on the embrasure.
Childhood, and then adult life, were taught to take a blow. And then they taught me not to be surprised that others have bad ass even worse than mine. And the main thing I learned is that you can survive, but IT’S HARD FOR ALONE! What am I talking about? Yes, that in the first moments, when I understood from my youth that the Ass had arrived, I went into panic, hysterics and I absolutely did not know what to do about it. I'm talking about the condition. The huge man completely fell apart, tore and thrashed from impotence.
Only with elaboration, only with tracking of the mechanism did I understand where the problem came from. From that childhood in which in difficult moments NO ONE was there. “Cope with yourself and don’t be a slob” are the main messages from mom. There was no dad at all, throughout my childhood my uncle slept and drank nearby, and sometimes he himself behaved explosively. That is, I was not taught calm during a disaster. And mom could also get angry and grab the belt.
Bottom line. I know the value of being around CALM man, which will not allow you to “jump” into panic and hysteria. And I became like that for others! The client reports an extreme childhood experience, monstrous. The hairs on my head stand up, inhale, exhale, swallow and: “This is scary... How could you survive in this horror movie?”
Inhale. Exhalation. Don't disappear. Be with the client. Don’t save and don’t let him go completely into this, dive into retraumatization. To remain alive, feeling the client’s pain and in full awareness, with cool head. To be, to some extent, "a parent who is not more destroyed than their child by learning about an injury or problem." Little Andrei knows too well how he needed such a parent, but he was not there. And he appeared, and it’s a pity that as an adult Andrey, in moments of Ass, I can’t always include the role of this Parent inside.
- a sense of humor even in the most difficult moments
I haven't seen my mother laughing, joyful, happy very often. I’ve definitely never seen her cackling at the top of her lungs. I can't remember a single moment, even in my adult life that the mother turned on her sense of humor. But there was a lot of “life is crap”, “there are only idiots around”, “what’s good about this?” and so on. Life as overcoming, life as a place in which there is little joy.
If something difficult happened, it was always an emergency. Pull yourself together, grit your teeth. It's all very serious. Mom's favorite phrase: "Why are you smiling like an idiot?!" Each event is a task as tall as a skyscraper; everything is very important and serious. This is no place for jokes. And through this I “learned” how important it is, even at the most crucial moment of working with a client, difficult situation In a group, turn on humor, joke, relieve tension.
And again, it rarely works out to include humor in my real life, in those moments where it’s difficult for me, where it’s “serious.” For clients, friends, as much as you like, for myself, my mother’s model of behavior often comes out. I'm not a wizard, I'm just learning. But I know the value of this, and I have the SKILL, but to myself... And still, thanks to childhood for the sense of humor. The clients are lucky, I'm sure.
- ability to involve the whole group in work
It's harder to draw a parallel here. I think something about my aunt and uncle. Periodically, on weekends and holidays, my mother sent us to them in another city. They loved me, but were little involved in my upbringing. He talked about my uncle, he worked for a day, then slept, and the second day he drank in one person and slept again. Sometimes he played chess with me and went to pick up bags. All.
Aunt was kind, but she did not protect her from her mother, she was silent. Sometimes she was attracted to help in preparing food. All. The rest of the time is outside and playing with a few toys. And again the street.
My brother tried to play his own games, 3 years difference is a lot. I was a burden to him. My mother forced him to take me with him. And he kicked back. But sometimes at home we got mad together - it was cool, for which we received pills from our mother.
As a result, I learned the value of when everyone is in the same process, when no one sits back, everyone is involved in the game, in the action. I learned to motivate, I learned to give each group member a use, to make his participation meaningful. I think I am a Master in attracting a group, in every sense. Few people have seen such an ability, even in “Working with the Shadow” where it is part of a mandatory process.
But do I easily get involved in group activity others in life? No way. For me, a vacation with some company, barbecue in nature is an overcoming every time.
- leadership skill of a good leader-trainer-coach
Well, I simply had no options. There was one leader in the family - mother! And two boys who had to carry out all her orders. At the same time, when did she especially teach us? Once. She showed it once and went ahead, handing out the product: mended socks, washed dishes, a repaired bicycle.
Well, and most importantly, what was missing in the family was MEN. Yes, the one who captivated him would lead him along. Someone who would protect him from his mother and bring justice. Someone who is tolerant of children's mistakes and really wants to teach them. He wants them to be ready for life. So that it is not he who does it FOR them, but they do it THEMSELVES. That is, leader, coach, teacher.
Crap! Just let me teach you something! I don’t really know how to do it myself, but I’ll teach it in such a way that a person will be able to do it 100 times better than me. A sergeant in the army is, as a result, the best department in the unit. 8 years of teaching Aikido. Head of the legal department with 5 subordinate men. 8 years of teaching psychology. Countless number of trainings and master classes. Taught, trained, inspired.
At the same time, I am completely out of touch with my motivation, goals, mission - the energy of the Monarch/King in “Working with the Shadow”. The weakest archetype. I remember living next to Bitsevsky Park and over the weekend I couldn’t really take myself out for a walk - to bike or ski. Stupid at the computer or TV.
But there is leadership skill! I rocked him, despite the fact that my father was not there at all, and my mother pressed with authority. But I know how important a leader is in a group, in training, in therapy. As important as it is to give a skill, it is important that the client masters it not in words, but in deeds.
- empathy in pain and other feelings
Do you think my mother sympathized with me? To some extent, yes, since I ran for brilliant green and lead lotion. Immediately bringing the phrase: “Why are you so stupid!? Where did you go again, who did you fight with? You’re not happy...”. Or everyone knows: “Nothing! It’ll heal until the wedding!” It's about physical pain.
And the phrases about experiences are also well-known: “Well, why are you so nagging?”, “My mother has experienced something like this,” “It’s okay,” “It happens to everyone,” etc. That is, there is complete zero support for feelings. But it was necessary! And I learned to support them from others.
I can cry with my clients, I can get angry, I can support, I can share the Pain. I do not include a detached position if the feelings are real, in the here-and-now. I don't hide behind the role of a therapist. I am present as a human being, from my living part. Why?
I know the price of when no one cares about what's inside you. I know what it’s like when they formally support, like encourage. And I know how it infuriates me when behind the “smart” words of a psychotherapist there is nothing behind it except “work.” It is impossible to deceive me in this, sensitivity is beyond the bounds of possibility. Therefore, I was honest with my clients about this. I don’t want to cry in support - I’ll say about it and try to understand why nothing responds to his story or tears in me.
And it took me years of therapy to empathize with Little Andrew. Empathize with the wounded inner child inside. And not to include such familiar mother’s phrases within yourself. And the first years...: “It would be better to die than to flatter and humiliate yourself in front of your mother like that”...
- the ability to see a situation from a variety of angles and in all details
Here, too, it’s clear where the legs come from. There was one truth in the family - my mother's. At the same time it is always correct. Mom was always “right.” Favorite phrase: “Mother knows best!” Well, if something happened, do you think your mother would figure it out? Did you find out the details? For example, a conflict with a brother. I came home from work, saw a conflict, listened to a complaint from one side and gave both of them a shout out. It's also easier. Or one who, in her opinion, is guilty. To understand, why? And when? I'm tired, I need to eat and cook...
And in the end, I learned to see a million details, to look at the situation from many sides. I've won tens trials in a direction that was not really regulated by law. I could ruin any lawsuit by finding a bunch of blunders and finding a rule of law that refutes the position.
With clients I have already seen from a kilometer away family system, the roles of different characters in it. I saw the smallest nuances, even from a minimum of information... As a result, Elena Moksyakova and I came up with an excellent training on resisting manipulation. Where they taught how to recognize the most subtle intricacies of a manipulator.
My mother’s one-sidedness turned into a supervisor’s skill, where I see the therapist’s work, difficulties with the client, ambushes in transferences and projections from the very different angles. Moreover, having gone to the mountains of Kyrgyzstan for several months, I was able to “look” at the entire system of my growing up, at the role of Strong-willed Andrey, and in general at the structure of the Ego, Personality. I was able to jump off the emotional needle I had been on for 10 years and get MYSELF back!
This is an absolute paradox. What ruined me as a child turned out to be something that helped me come to Myself. That's for sure, the ways of the Lord are not confessable. I was even able to enter and look into the topic of “injustice”, which made me aggressive in many, many life situations.
I was able to look at hundreds of nuances of the topic of LONELINESS, which even as a psychotherapist I did not have a clear idea of. I was able to “bury” what I called “the successful brand Andrey Vishnyakov.” What made me a “professional”, but took me away from Myself, from my Path.
Those articles about domestic violence were also written thanks to this skill! Mom’s “I know better” and “what kind of idiot are you?” - turned out to be that I learned to Know, See the nuances and convey them in words, images, metaphors. Violence from my mother resulted in me doing my part to prevent it from happening in other families.
I KNOW THE PRICE OF TRUTH. THE PRICE OF A CLEAR VISION OF THE SITUATION.
I paid too much to understand where I was deceived, that everything was for my good, even the belt. So I learned to see in clients' stories and help them see how things really are. Face the truth, whatever it may be and no matter how painful it may be.
This is where this skill works not only for others, but also for me. I am ready to go into any truth and take into account all the nuances. I am ready to admit that I am wrong and I am ready to go into pain. That's it. This is important to me, and I was very lucky that this skill appeared despite what my mother did.
- full presence - the ability to be in the here and now, with the client as he is, and his acceptance
My Teacher in psychodrama told me about this, seeing how I work with clients. Then I understood little what it was about and only over the years I realized that this was a Skill also acquired through “shortage.” The mother was both physically and emotionally absent. I was left to my own devices and dealt with most situations on my own.
When you are in a nursery, on a five-day day in a kindergarten, on an after-school program at school, or in pioneer camps, you begin to “want to go to your mother.” To the point of being stupefied. To the point of crying and screaming “get me out of here!” Sometimes my mother took me. She couldn’t stand my moaning, or rather even hysterics.
Sending to my aunt and uncle to be without my brother and me. Work at night, around the clock. Three jobs at once. Complete absence. And when my mother came home, there was endless cooking, cleaning, washing, darning. Sometimes guests and alcohol. Always busy and no time for children.
And a couple of years ago I learned that when I was born, my mother’s amniotic sac did not recede. The operation was performed under anesthesia. And they didn’t bring me to her for days. The operation was difficult, they barely saved her and the mother took a long time to recover. That is, energetically I did not feel my mother in this world, who knows where she flew out under anesthesia. And with my ability to feel everything...
In this way I learned the importance of presence. Being close to an important person. Especially when the father doesn’t care what happens to his children. And the skill that I developed includes physical presence - I’m a great hugger, I think they won’t let me lie here. And energetically - I feel the mood and state of a person, even with the back of my head. And the existential - when everything is with a person, one continuous attention.
You can cling to me like an anchor so that you don’t fall into the abyss of trauma, the past, pain. This is what was developed in the Mountains, in the Ashram, in Vipassana. Be in the moment, track where the client’s psyche and “I” are now, if that’s what you can call it now. This is no longer psychotherapy, since no one is “treating” anyone. This is healing by Presence, by Being. As it is, with what it is. There is little “personal” in this, but a lot of the Divine, but not in a fundamentally religious sense.
I learned to BE, or rather stopped NOT being. It doesn’t always work out, of course, but the road has been paved and this is restored in meditation. Mom's absence turned into Presence. Goodness. Strange, but Grace from the Highest. For some reason this was the Path for me.
And here is the tricky part. Because read all this and it turns out that a shitty childhood is good! Spanking is good, look, in the I-AM, but he learned to be, the Universe Loves him, feels Goodness. Let's trash every child and Nirvana is destined for them all. Yeah, that’s why I see crowds of Enlightened Ones around us. Especially those who are stubborn and happy for everything with their 86 percent of voters. Trained and “happy” - bread and circus.
Just a second. Did Christ's parents flog him or support him? Or maybe Buddha was flogged? Or maybe Gandhi? Or maybe the Dalai Lama? Did they need trash as kids? Not everything is clear.
I am sure that somehow, DESPITE everything that surrounded me, I extracted a resource from everything, even from total, extreme loneliness. The Lord helped, perhaps karma from past lives.
I have this. But I asked you to look at how childhood scripts, parenting patterns, restrictions and deprivations could give you some unique skill. There is such a psychoanalyst Donald Kalshed. In the book " Inner world trauma" he well described the mechanism of "protection" of the psyche of a small child in difficult situations.
The child seems to “fly out” into layers of the unconscious where divine energies come to his rescue. His figure is the Self, contact with the Supreme. This is mainly in moments when there were no parents nearby, it was lonely and unbearable. In a hospital, for example. Or when everyone betrayed or one was locked in a closet for a long time.
The child in these “divine spheres” finds a resource and returns to the body with gifts - creativity, abilities, extrasensory skills, the gift of healing, etc. Kalshed calls them “treasures”. The child could not survive in the world of people, but survived in the world of high egregors.
Cool, but in adulthood this can become a prison, do not allow an adult into close relationships, protect from social activity. Protects the psyche from possible injuries and uniquely “keeps” safe world treasure. And sometimes a person has a fear that if he begins to live among people to the fullest, then the gift will be lost. I have a client, an artist, who was afraid that she would be treated and would not be able to paint. I ended up leaving therapy.
There is a risk of accepting what the heavy one gave you life story. Sometimes it’s easier to cling to a traumatic experience and not take the risk of living a responsible adult life, without hiding behind a “difficult childhood.” Take those resources that appeared both THANKS and DESPITE all those events.
Understand the Intent. Try to find what was the meaning? What can I now give to others, to the World. How am I unique now? What has Life taught me so strangely and hard? How did it happen that I SURVIVED and lived to see this moment? What makes me successful in this? What comes easily to me “how to breathe”, why is it so cool and how does it work out “on its own”? Others don't, but I do. Is it just heredity?
And it is important to note that I wrote about the fact that it is a hundred times easier to give to others than to give the same to YOURSELF, since this was not the case in childhood. It's a skill that needs to be developed. However, first it is good to understand where the “hunger” is and here a good hint - and where it is easy for others. Do you pick up dogs on the street and warm them up? Pick up inner child and warm it up.
Only each of us knows what a boy or girl wanted more than anything in the world and did not get. You are an expert! You know the price of this! A difficult childhood can become a resource. And, I repeat, it’s a pity that we, already adults, still have to deal with our childhood, waste money, energy and time. Don’t let down your little self who survived this nightmare for you today. Give meaning to his or her suffering.
It takes a lot of courage, awareness, Love and support from Above to let it in and live it.
Everything is from Love. Entering such Loneliness, it is very difficult to bear that you were not accepted and loved at that moment.
That there is suffering. That you need to meet him in order to come to terms with him.published
Difficult people deny logic, and sometimes common sense. Well, or so it seems to us. The point is different - there are those with whom it is very difficult to communicate, but due to various reasons need to. In this article we will find out what types difficult people happen, and then we will give specific recommendations for communicating with each of them.
This person loves confrontation, conflict and all types of head-on collisions. Loves to behave aggressively and show pressure. Strategies against "tanks":
Stand your ground. Don't give up your position...
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Everyone with whom we communicate can be (very roughly) divided into three categories: those with whom it is always easy and pleasant for us to deal, those with whom relationships develop differently, depending on the circumstances, but negative emotions When communicating, those about whom we say: “difficult” person, “difficult” person do not appear.
Today we will talk about the art of communicating with such people.
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Another working day was ending. Getting off the bus, I saw my friend at the stop, loaded with shopping bags with groceries. We hadn’t seen each other for more than a month and a friend invited us to come over for a cup of tea. Her husband, as usual, was late at work.
The conversation turned to difficult fate modern woman.
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I decided to tell you the story of my life. First of all, I would like it to be read by those children who demand from their parents expensive gadgets, and if they don’t get the toy they want, they think they’re deprived parental love and care. They just don’t know what a difficult childhood means...
Mom, tomorrow New Year, shall we put up a Christmas tree? - I asked hopefully.
- What Christmas tree? We don't even have bread for tomorrow! - my mother shouted.
- But if we don’t have a Christmas tree, then Santa Claus won’t bring me a gift! - I cried.
Vitalik, stop talking nonsense! Go do your homework!
Mom, we are on vacation now...
So, just go somewhere, can’t you see, I have a headache!
I walked for a long time along the snow-covered streets and watched how people were buying for the holiday. Everyone walked around in high spirits, bringing home Christmas trees and tangerines.
Out of resentment, I sat down on a bench and cried. I lived with my mother, I don’t know my father. Mom said I never had one. I loved my mother very much, she was kind and loved me.
The only thing is, my mother drank constantly. She had been fired from her job a long time ago, and we were somehow getting by. Sometimes my mother would clean the stairs and get paid a little money for it.
Boy, why are you crying? - a girl with a sled approached me, she looked the same age as me.
Nothing. Leave me alone! - I waved it off.
Have you already written a letter to Santa Claus? Made a wish? - the girl continued.
No. Do you need to write? - I was surprised. - And who should I send it to?
The letter must be written to New Year's Eve, and after the chimes strike, throw it out the window. Do you know how to write?
I can do it, no more stupid than you! - I said and ran home.
“Dear Grandfather Frost, I want my mother to never drink and not let her friends into the house. Help me please! “- I re-read the letter several times and threw it out the window, as the unfamiliar girl taught me.
I decided to go straight to bed, because in the morning my wish would come true. There was loud laughter and screams behind the wall; it was my mother having fun with her friends. “Well, it’s okay, tomorrow everything will be different,” I thought, and fell asleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I immediately remembered my letter and ran to my mother to check if my wish had come true. Mom sat with her friend in the kitchen and continued to drink. Confused, I began to cry, because I thought that this whole nightmare was already over.
By evening, I began to feel cold and my throat was very sore, I realized that I had caught a cold yesterday when I sat on the bench for a long time.
Mom, I'm cold and my throat hurts. Please make me some warm tea.
Vitalik, we haven’t had tea for a long time! Go to Aunt Lyuba, sow it and ask her to make some tea,” the mother said in a slurring voice.
When my neighbor saw me, she got scared.
Vitalik, what's wrong with you? Why are you so red? Yes, you have a fever! Come to me, I'll give you a pill.
A neighbor lost my temperature, gave me medicine and gave me hot tea with lemon.
Stay with me today. Your temperature may rise again at night, your mother is unlikely to notice it.
Several years have passed and nothing has changed in my life. Mother continued in the same spirit, and I waited and hoped that someday she would settle down.
That day, I received my passport and decided to show off to my mother.
Son, you've grown up already! How quickly time flies! Excuse me, I am very guilty before you. I promise that with today I won't drink. Do you believe me?
Of course I believe! “Soon I’ll go to work, and you and I will live like people, we’ll do the repairs,” I was happy.
Arriving home in the evening, I found the usual picture. The mother and her friend were sitting in the kitchen.
Here son, we are celebrating receiving a passport!
Mom, you promised that you wouldn’t drink anymore! - I shouted.
How do you talk to your mother? Ungrateful! Zoya, kick him in the neck, what is he allowing himself to do? - Lucy, my mother’s friend, intervened.
Get out of the house! So that I don't see you again! - my mother shouted.
At that moment, something clicked inside me, I realized that I could no longer live like this.
OK, Mom. But I will definitely come back and stop all this chaos!
I left home. I won’t tell you how I got back on my feet, it was difficult and long. But by the age of 40, I had achieved everything I dreamed of. I had an apartment good job, reliable friends. Only family was missing.
All these years, I did not forget about my mother, and dreamed of meeting her. I got into the car and drove several hundred kilometers until I got to my home.
Over all these years, nothing has changed in my house. Or rather, there were some changes, my mother, she was at the very bottom. The woman didn't recognize me. I tried to explain to her who I am, but it turned out to be a useless exercise.
I sent my mother to a private drug treatment clinic, where she spent more than a year. The doctor called me and said that my mother wanted to see me and was ready to be discharged.
When I saw my mother, I was happy about the changes that had happened to her. Now she looked like a well-groomed elderly woman who was neatly dressed and smiled sweetly.
Son, thank you for getting me out of this swamp! - the mother cried. - Forgive me if you can, I’m so guilty before you!
It's okay, mom. We'll talk at home.
While my mother was getting ready, I went in to thank the doctor.
In general, the treatment was successful. The patient went through a period of recovery and adaptation. Further, everything depends on us. She needs positive emotions, and a complete change in her usual environment.
Thank you, I understand everything and will follow your recommendations.
I took my mother with me. Of course, she had problems with her health, but in general, my mother behaved well. She became a normal, cheerful person. I was glad that I was able to achieve everything I dreamed of, and at least in my old age, I made my mother happy.
Psychology difficult child represents one of the most pressing problems, developed from different sides, because the concepts “ difficult child” and “difficult to educate child” are very broad. Here we actually encounter categories of children who differ deeply from each other and who are united by only one negative feature: they all present educational difficulties. Therefore, the term “difficult child” or “difficult child” is not a scientific term, does not represent any specific psychological or pedagogical content. It is a general designation for huge groups of children different from each other, a provisional designation put forward out of practical convenience.
Scientific study of these forms child development has not yet come so far that we can have more precise definitions. In particular, in Lately rightly point out that the problem of educational difficulties should not be limited only to childhood. In fact, in the behavior of an adult we very often encounter forms that present a direct analogy with childhood difficulties, and if adults cannot be called difficult to educate, because we do not educate them, then these people are still difficult. Trying to reveal this concept, they referred to cases where adults found themselves difficult in the family, at work or social work. It was possible to specifically indicate that with psychological side they actually had exactly the same manifestations of their difficulties and other signs as children. In other words, we were talking about such forms of character or the degree of talent of a person that in his social adaptability, activity, and behavior led to a number of difficulties and shortcomings. The problem is expanding more and more, and the most serious psychologists in America working in this area propose to separate it into a special branch psychological knowledge, which they tentatively call the “psychological middle ground,” meaning not such violations nervous activity, which already take neuropathological or psychopathological forms, but which, while remaining within the normal range, nevertheless present serious difficulties that interfere correct process education, social labor activity, personal, family life person.
Allow me, in view of the extraordinary complexity and vastness of this topic, to dwell on only two main points that have central importance. This is an education problem childish character and the problem of children's giftedness, because difficult children in large numbers primarily present difficulties in relation to these two areas. We usually have before us either a child who is difficult to teach, due to poor or low talent, or difficult to educate, due to some attitudes in his behavior, character traits that make the child difficult to live with. He is difficult to deal with, he does not obey school discipline etc. Let us turn to the problem of a difficult character or the problem of developing a child’s character.
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Recently, the problem of character in psychology has been subject to revision and revision. It is not my task to fully cover this problem: I am only interested in that side of it that is associated with the problem of a difficult-to-educate child.
IN modern teachings about character, researchers are working in two opposite directions. Some psychologists are exploring the biological basis for what we call human character or, more correctly, a person-directing temperament. They study relationships organic systems, which correlate with one or another type of behavior. Most a shining example research, the basis of which is related to knowledge of the human body, can serve famous doctrine E. Kretschmer. Other researchers study not so much the biological, organic basis in character, but how it develops in different conditions social environment in which the child has to develop his character. In other words, these researchers are dealing with character in the full sense of the word, and not with temperament. They mean those attitudes in human behavior that are not so much born due to heredity, but rather are developed on the basis of hereditary data in the process of upbringing, child development, and adaptation to a particular environment. It is the second-order research that is of greatest interest, because, as I will try to show, it is they that come closest to the problem of a child developing a difficult character or deviations in his character.
Let me start with concrete example which will explain how modern psychologists tend to depict the formation of certain character traits, one or another attitude in human behavior. Let's say we have a child who suffers from hearing loss due to any reasons. One can easily imagine that this child will experience a number of difficulties adjusting to environment. He will be pushed into the background by other children during games, he will be late for walks, he will be pushed away from active participation in children's party, conversation. In short, a child with reduced hearing will be placed at a lower level due to a simple organic defect. social position than other children. We want to say that this child is in the process of adjusting to social environment will encounter greater obstacles than ordinary child. How will this circumstance affect the formation of children's character?
I think the development of a child’s character will follow these basic lines: due to poor hearing, he will encounter difficulties - therefore he will develop increased sensitivity, attentiveness, curiosity, and distrust of others; Perhaps he will develop a number of other traits in himself, the appearance of which can be understood if we take into account that these character traits are the child’s reaction to the difficulties that he encounters along the way. A child, who, as a result of his shortcomings, has become the subject of ridicule from his comrades, will develop in himself increased suspicion, curiosity, wariness, and all this complex psychological superstructure, i.e. a complex system attitudes, methods of action, can be understood by us as a reaction, as a response to the difficulties that the child encounters in the process of adapting to the social environment.
We can outline three main types of such reactive formation on the part of the child. One of them is known in connection with psychiatry, and in medicine it is called delirium of the deaf. This group is so different from the rest that psychiatrists long ago identified it. In people who are hard of hearing, the reactive formations that I spoke about begin to appear. A person who begins to go deaf develops suspicion, mistrust, suspiciousness, and wariness. Every word of those around gives rise to severe anxiety, it seems to him that people are planning something bad against him. He loses sleep, begins to fear that he will be killed, is ready to accuse him of a conspiracy against himself, every new face seems suspicious to him. Eventually he develops delusions of persecution.