- Translation
For several weeks now I have been wondering what science has to say about the power of charm. Why do some people have charisma and others do not? Why do we fall so easily under its influence? Charming people can charm you and make us feel better about ourselves. They can inspire us to improve ourselves. But they can also be dangerous. They use charm to their advantage to increase their power and manipulate others.
Scientists have something to say about charisma. Charming people feed off our emotions and are able to turn us off. logical thinking. They hypnotize us. But research shows that charm is not just a characteristic of a person. It is created by our senses, especially when we feel insecure during stressful times. I will tell you about these studies and outline the opinions of the neuroscientists, psychologists and sociologists who conducted them.
But first, I want to tell you about a magnetic preacher who has been wowing audiences in churches across America for decades by sacred words Jesus. Then he lost his faith and now preaches how to live happily without God. What charisma studies are to scientists, life is to Bart Campolo.
Bart Campolo
I first read about Campolo's faithlessness in The New York Times Magazine in December. “He was an extreme extrovert, comfortable speaking in front of crowds and in private conversations, found mutual language with everyone from the village club regulars to the lost souls he often fed in own home", wrote Mark Oppenheimer. Campolo's father, Tony Campolo, is one of the most popular evangelists in the United States over the past 50 years, having advised Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and today he gathers people into movements to promote Jesus' words of love and redemption.
Who could know more about the power of charm to charm and deceive than the son of a preacher who has strayed from the faith? Campolo, 53, who counsels young people for free as a "humanity chaplain" at the University of Southern California, did not disappoint. He was frank, open, energetic and insightful - just like an evangelical preacher.
Max Weber, a German sociologist of the early twentieth century, wrote that charm is a quality that distinguishes a person “from ordinary people”, giving rise to the impression of him as “endowed with a supernatural, superhuman, or at least an exceptional gift or quality.” According to Weber, such qualities "are not available to an ordinary person, they are treated as God's gift, or as qualities worthy of imitation, and thanks to them a person is considered a leader.”
Campolo believed this for a long time. “I was convinced that charm came straight from God,” he told me. "It was a gift." And when he began to lose faith, "I went through all the stages of apostasy on my way to heresy, and gradually lost the ability to believe in all this." He began to preach that charm may be an innate quality, but it is not supernatural and can be used at will. “It can be used to get a woman into bed, to persuade people in church, or to sell insurance,” Campolo says. Moreover, this quality, at least in part, can be acquired and improved.
This is exactly what John Antonakis, professor, organizational behavior specialist, director, told me doctoral program in management from the University of Lausanne, having studied charismatic speakers for many years. “The technique of charm can be learned,” he says. Antonakis has identified a set of what he calls “charismatic leadership tactics” (CLTs), ranging from the use of metaphors and storytelling to nonverbal communication such as open posture and lively, symbolic gestures in key points. He showed that all these techniques helped win 8 of the last 10 presidential elections. “The more THL is used, the more of a leader one appears to others,” he says.
Tony Campolo mastered all the tactics. In the 1970s and '80s, Bart Campolo and his father traveled the country in a beat-up sky-blue Dodge Coronet, preaching wherever they could. Campolo admired the way his father did it. “My father was one of the most charming men in the world,” Campolo said. “I've met black preachers and people like my father who can move up and down the spectrum, deliver a whisper that you can't help but listen to, tell a joke, a sob story, a furious accusation. He was able to do it all."
Many of the most important lessons of Barth's profession began after Campolo Sr.'s sermons ended. The father asked Bart what he saw, what worked, what didn't work, and why. Like how to evaluate those present.
“You try to figure out who is going to be the hardest,” Campolo says. – Let's say you're on a college campus and there's a group of athletes sitting in the back row. If you don’t work for them, they will bother you all evening.” So before you get up and talk, Campolo says, you go to the back of the room and talk to potential bullies. "You can say, 'Hey man, why did you choose this school? How did you end up here?' You're trying to get them on your side before you even get on stage." Or you look for them during a conversation, make eye contact, speak specifically for them.
Campolo gave another example. “I remember once my father and I went to a music festival, where we saw almost 10,000 children sitting on the hillside. Frisbees were flying everywhere. All sorts of distractions around. And he says: “Well, it will be a little difficult.” And then he said: “I'm going to rise now, and my first story will be heavy and emotional. If I try humor, they won't laugh because they won't hear others laughing. In such a space, you need to throw out humor and look for emotional resonance. Such a group can be loaded, but not stirred up.”
Campolo said his father had a natural gift for leadership. But he was sure where this gift came from. He says his father, like another famous charismatic leader, desperately needed the love of others.
"My father for a long time was Bill Clinton's spiritual mentor,” Campolo says. – They were and remain good friends. I was in D.C. with my dad one day and he said, “Listen, I'm going to meet the president, do you want to come with me?” Everyone says that being in a room with Clinton makes them feel like the only person in the world. He has this ability, a charm that makes you feel like he really sees you, feels your pain. He and my father lost their fathers in early age. I think it created a lot of uncertainty. Sometimes it seems that such people need an ovation every ten minutes so that they feel supported. That's where the charm comes from. It is connected with a person’s emotional mask.”
But charm has two parts. It is the relationship between the person possessing it and the people reacting to it. The flame will ignite only when the spark meets the fuel. Charismatic speech in front of a mirror is not very inspiring. But put a person in front of a crowd and it's a completely different spectacle.
Emotions serve as a catalyst. In a 2005 Science article, Princeton psychologist Alexander Todorov described showing people two photographs of competing congressional candidates and asking them to judge the candidates' competence based solely on their appearance. People's assessments, formed in just seconds, predicted which candidate would win the election with 70% accuracy.
“We very quickly decide whether a person has the qualities that we attach importance to, for example, attractiveness and competence, although we have not yet spoken a word to him,” Todorov said then. “We seem to be wired to jump to these conclusions quickly and without thinking.” Using fMRI, Todorov showed that quick solutions have a powerful emotional charge, and that they are linked to the activity of the amygdala, a primitive brain structure responsible for the fight-or-flight response.
Jochen Menges, lectures on organizational behavior at Cambridge University, calls the influence of charm on emotions the “awe effect.” He came up with the concept while working on his doctorate in 2008, when he traveled to Berlin to hear Barack Obama speak, hoping to gain new insights into how the alchemy of charm works. When Obama climbed onto the stage and announced that he was not only a US citizen, but a citizen of the world, Menges felt captured. For a few minutes he forgot why he came - he turned into a follower.
Looking around, he was surprised. The materials he read about charm said that leaders show their magic by making people feel good emotions. But this was not a lively and energetic crowd. She froze in place, falling into a trance. At the end, the woman sitting next to Menges spoke passionately about how “amazing,” “wonderful,” and “amazing” the speech was. But when Menges asked her to name three things she liked about the lecture, she couldn't do it.
In a TED talk, Menges explained that charismatic leaders inspire awe in us. “And because we admire them so much, we hold back our emotions in an instinctive attempt to honor them, to acknowledge them highest status", he says.
By recreating the “awe effect” in the laboratory—by having subjects visualize and describe charismatic figures and then showing them emotionally charged videos—Menges demonstrated something profound. Although external signs While the subject's emotions may have been suppressed, the subjective sense of emotion among people who felt "awe" was approximately the same as that of those who did not feel it. It was even greater because they simply suppressed it in an automatic attempt to show respect. Psychologists have long known that when we suppress the expression of emotions, those emotions not only increase in intensity, but also cause us cognitive harm.
Menges found that students with more likely reported that they could retell the content of lectures given by people who used speech techniques related to emotions than the content of lectures given directly and without any charm. But written tests showed that people who listened to charismatic speakers actually remembered much less than those who listened to speakers without charisma. And yet, when choosing which lecturer to follow in a cafe to discuss the ideas expressed by him, students almost never follow the boring speaker, and almost always follow the charming one.
This doesn't surprise Richard Boyatzis, who studies organizational behavior, psychology and cognitive science at Case Western Reserve University. Using fMRI, Boyatzis and Anthony Jack, an experimental psychologist, showed that emotional speakers activate neural pathways called the passive mode network (SPRM). This network connects several areas of the brain (including the amygdala), and is associated with daydreaming, thoughts about other people, and memories of the past. Interestingly, its activation negatively correlates with circuits associated with analytical thinking– working with executive functions, planning, reasoning, attention and problem solving. “The problem is that these two networks have virtually no overlap,” says Boyatzis. “They suppress each other.”
But charisma's influence doesn't stop at shutting down sanity - scientists have found that under the right conditions, charismatics - especially if their charm is based on the perception of them as leaders - can lead people into an almost hypnotic state.
In 2011, a team of Danish researchers led by Uffe Sjodt, a neuroscientist at Aarhus University, studied the brains of people who had undergone one of the most extreme demonstrations of the effects of charisma—charismatic treatment. For this purpose, 18 true believing Christians were recruited, whose religion implied intercessory prayers (they were mostly Pentecostals). They all admitted that they believed in the existence of people with the gift of healing. Also, 18 people who did not believe in God and were skeptical about healing power prayers.
Both groups had to listen to 18 different prayers performed by three people. At the same time, various subjects were informed that these people were either not Christians at all, or simple Christians, or they were Christians known for their gift of healing. However, the performers were unremarkable religious people, randomly received 6 prayers.
Researchers have found strong differences in people's brain activity depending on their assumptions about the performer. For Christians, when listening to prayers said by supposedly non-Christians, the activity of the analytical parts of the brain sharply increased. But if they listened to a performer who, in their opinion, had the gift of healing, this activity dropped sharply. No such changes were observed in the atheist group. The researchers drew parallels with similar experiments on subjects immersed in hypnosis, noting that hypnosis, when it works, usually occurs after a massive deactivation of the frontal lobe of the brain - essentially transferring executive functions to the hypnologist. They also found that “the more Christian participants deactivated their executive and social cognitive brain networks, the more they rated the speaker’s charisma after listening.”
Schjodt explained the findings in the context of the "predictive coding platform" theory. The brain is essentially a pattern recognition machine, and it is constantly making predictions. Our feelings are a combination of previous expectations, expressed in the form of these automatic predictions, and real feelings. As long as the sensory information matches the predictions, the brain is calm. In case of dissonance, the brain recalculates. But when we find ourselves with people who we deeply believe have special skills or abilities - that is, implicitly deciding that we trust them - we unconsciously dampen our ability to think analytically.
“If you have a premonition of God or you meet with a charismatic or religious expert, then you believe in everything that happens, and it will bring you into a certain state, so that you do not try too hard to be skeptical and check what is happening,” says Schjodt.
If charm is the spark and an audience attuned to it is the fuel, then correct sequence events reveal all the explosive power of charisma. In Charisma in Politics, Religion, and the Media, David Aberbach describes the turning points in history that provided the basis for key events, and occurred thanks to charismatic leaders.
“Charm touches something deep within society, and it’s not always obvious,” Aberbach told me. – The point is that there are unpredictable elements in the life of a country or group, and in difficult moments certain people, previously remaining in the shadows, come to the fore. They represent something absolutely necessary to overcome the crisis. It’s a union of what’s happening inside the group and what’s happening outside.”
Aberbach says that charismatic leader“frees a person from the pressure of life’s stresses. If you join a group in such conditions, you feel protected. But the precondition is human vulnerability. When people feel safe, they have no need for salvation, much less a charismatic connection with each other. But when they are vulnerable, there is the possibility of a charismatic attachment. In certain conditions this can be very dangerous."
Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Adolf Hitler
Aberbach, a scientist at McGill University and London school economics, compares Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Adolf Hitler - two sides of a historical coin - in describing examples of charisma. Both grew up with Depression-era needs for their nations. Both illustrate the power of influence that a charismatic leader can wield.
“Roosevelt personified the ability to fight against adversity,” Aberbach says. - They're in personal life fought them, and could represent a nation struggling with difficulties. He could represent the group personal example. In that sense he was charismatic. I think that's what it's all about. A nation or group is looking for a person to represent them at a certain moment, and subconsciously.”
In the case of Hitler, Aberbach says, “Many people felt better listening to him. This is often forgotten because videos often portray him as some kind of raving madman. But he transported people to other spheres, to a different plane of existence, they felt unity with Germany, felt national pride, and an aggressive hope for the future."
Hitler, Aberbach continues, gave people “an object to hate, and this was a convenient way of giving feeling defeated people a sense of superiority, as well as the ability to blame someone else for everything bad that happened to them. It eliminated personal responsibility, which was a great relief to people who were overwhelmed by such responsibility. They wanted to forget, they wanted to be transformed in a crisis. That’s why crisis and charisma are so closely linked.”
Scientists agree that charm hooks us emotional level. They also agree that judgmental tendencies and subconscious fears can be overcome. In the bestseller "Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow", laureate Nobel Prize, psychologist Daniel Kahneman describes two different decision-making circuits. The intuitive system of the brain works much faster than the rational one. But the intuitive system is subject to subconscious biases based on limited experience and tendencies that lead us to irrational distortions. Slower and rational system, located in the prefrontal cortex, can serve as a checklist for subconscious tendencies - when we spend time analyzing them.
This is the last thing Bart Campolo had to say about charm: we can learn not to be influenced by it.
“You can’t eliminate charisma,” Campolo says. – The way to protect people from demagogues is not by killing all the demagogues, but by teaching people how charisma works so that they themselves can recognize whether they are being treated responsibly or manipulated. I've always thought of charisma as fire. It can be used to heat a house or to burn it down.”
A person with charisma attracts attention, captivates, is remembered for a long time, inspires trust and sympathy. It seems to be exceptional natural charm, but take a closer look - all charismatics have similar traits.
A charming person is a person who has magnetic power. He, like a magnet, attracts people to himself, inspiring them with admiration, trust and charming inner strength and self-confidence. Charming people stand out total mass and, as a rule, become leaders or managers. (True, according to various reasons Not all leaders are charming and worthy of respect.)
Nowadays, internal and external charm are often called one word - “charisma”. This word Greek origin and means “gift of God,” or “grace of God.” This suggests that charm and charisma are character traits that people are born with. Indeed, many famous charismatic personalities did not study “to be a leader” - this quality was inherent in them by nature itself.
Obviously, everyone would like to become charming, even those who do not dream of leadership.
What advantages does charisma give a person?
In addition to the fact that charm is an attractive character trait in itself, it can serve good service to the one who possesses it. A charismatic person is easy to communicate, sociable, positive, they respect him, they trust him, they are happy to make friends with him and maintain friendly relations. Many doors open before him that are closed to others. People find in him an adviser, a comforter, a mentor and simply good friend, next to whom they feel stronger and wiser.
Employers value charming people, because they are indispensable during negotiations, when you need to show persistence, intelligence, patience, and skill to convince the other side to accept necessary solution. Moreover, charismatic people They also have good connections. Thus, charisma is a character trait that opens great opportunities in moving up the career ladder.
Charismatics - what are they?
People who are naturally charismatic are in the minority, just like people with beautiful appearance given to them by nature. However, by setting a goal and working hard towards it, you can achieve high results and earn a reputation as a person “with a twist”, interesting, knowledgeable, inquisitive, enthusiastic - charismatic.
Anyone who masters the secrets of charisma and takes advantage of the benefits it gives will understand that his efforts were not in vain and “the game was worth the candle.”
The most charming and attractive
1. They are attentive listeners
Many people will be very surprised if you tell them that they are not good listeners. However, having hearing is not enough to be good listener. Most people tend to speak out themselves: they either talk non-stop, not allowing the other person to get a word in, or they constantly interrupt, turning attention to themselves. As a result, the conversation turns into a monologue. And it is of interest only to one person - the one who brings down a verbal waterfall on another.
Be able to listen - valuable quality, which is not so common. Let's remember, how many people are there in our surroundings who are able to listen to us in such a way that we ourselves grow in our own eyes and seem interesting and significant to ourselves? Hardly.
American educator and writer Dale Carnegie said that those who strive to become good conversationalist, must first of all become a good listener. In his words, “listening carefully is the greatest compliment you can give a person.” Listening attentively means not only not interrupting, it means being an active listener: encouraging your interlocutor to tell the story with soft nods of the head, maintaining the conversation with leading questions, expressing your approval, and sometimes asking again, showing that the thread of the story has not been lost. The listener's appearance should be benevolent, friendly and in no way judgmental or hostile. This behavior sets the stage for mutual understanding and the emergence of a strong emotional connection.
2. They are great conversationalists.
Charismatics know how to not only listen, but also speak. With them you don’t have to frantically look for a topic of conversation to fill awkward pause. They always have it in stock fascinating stories from life, neutral anecdotes, good-natured jokes, thanks to which they become the soul of many companies, “igniting” other people.
They don’t scream, forcing everyone to pay attention to them, they don’t laugh deafeningly, but the pleasant timbre of their voice, rich in intonations, makes you turn to them and listen to what they say.
Their calm, attentive eyes are fixed on the interlocutor and express genuine interest in him. Charming people smile, and a smile disarms and relaxes: with a smiling person we feel comfortable and safe.
3. They are honest and sincere
People immediately feel falsehood, and they will never be open and sincere with a person once caught in hypocrisy and pretense. A charismatic person is sincere, all his feelings come from the heart. He has empathy, which allows him to penetrate the experiences of his interlocutor and get closer to him emotionally. He is interested in the life, experience and problems of other people, and they feel this and are drawn to him, because they find in him some mutual understanding, some support, some sympathy, and some just an interesting, thoughtful person with whom it is interesting to talk and spend time.
4. They know how to give compliments
Many people work hard to acquire new knowledge, develop new skills, improve their appearance and health. However, from the outside, the work they have done, into which they have put so much effort, is not visible. And how I would like someone to notice, sincerely appreciate and praise! Charismatics differ from many in that they do not hesitate to give compliments when a person deserves it.
They know that a compliment is a delicate matter, because it must be appropriate and cannot be rude and offensive. Compliments should not be given too often, because the one who gives them may be suspected of flattery. Those who have mastered the science of giving compliments receive many additional bonuses, because they help establish a closer level of relationships.
5. They are confident
6. They inspire
Charming people are positive and optimistic. IN difficult situation they believe in a positive outcome, and in every person they see his positive traits and help him reveal them if he himself is not aware of them.
People willingly communicate with charismatics also because, being attentive to other people, they fill them with a feeling self-importance. Their self-esteem rises significantly because their desires, needs, and aspirations turned out to be worthy of attention and aroused interest. And a man is ready to move mountains to show himself with more the best side, justify trust.
The energy of charismatics is contagious - next to them, others feel the value of life more clearly.
7. They are responsive
Charismatics respond to requests for help. Sometimes they don’t even wait for these requests, but ask themselves questions: what does a person need and how can I help him? It's about not about some expensive help: it could be a book, a quote, a hint that would help change his way of thinking. Or organizing a meeting with a person who is in a similar situation or has had a similar experience and could give useful advice. What we think is insignificant advice in the context of someone's life can be very significant.
By working on these character traits, you can get closer to your ideal charismatic person. However, there are still some things you need to avoid so as not to ruin your reputation as a charming person.
- Never curse or insult anyone.
- Don't complain.
- Don't brag.
- Not trying to please everyone is impossible.
- Don't make excuses.
- Don't lose control of your emotions.
- Don't be swaggering and arrogant.
We have all encountered the fact that in the company of different people we feel and behave completely differently. Someone instills optimism and hope in us from the first words; a conversation with him brings self-confidence, makes us happy and warms us. And someone, on the contrary, makes you want to say goodbye as soon as possible and never see you again. charm? Is it an innate gift or skill? Is it possible to learn to charm people?
American psychologists believe that everything comes with practice.
But let us remember the radiant, but at the same time cold smiles of the Americans. Being an optimist in public, hiding all your problems and worries does not mean attracting people. Charm is a magnet. You want to communicate with a person who has this quality again and again. What's the secret? The main property in which personal charm lies is the presence of empathy. This is the ability to “feel” into the position of the interlocutor. The ability to sincerely empathize with him and let him understand it. Charm is rather an innate ability. After all, you cannot learn to empathize. How impossible it is to learn to be good-natured. You can, of course, study various techniques controlling them and your behavior, facial expressions, gestures. But a deep sense of closeness with someone cannot be cultivated either in oneself or in others. What attracts us to charming people? First of all, they are located towards us. It is felt, felt by the “skin”.
This cannot be played, because internal prudence is often perceived at a subconscious level. Therefore, charm is, first of all, sincerity. But not intrusive, not aggressive. A person who has the gift of charming others knows how to listen. And he must also subtly feel all the nuances and shades of the interlocutor’s well-being and deeply understand the situation.
Charming people exude vibes of warmth and goodwill. That is, such a person cannot be arrogant or arrogant. He usually has adequate self-esteem. He is attentive, but not intrusive. Women's charm does not depend at all on formal “correct” beauty. We have all met more than once girls and young men who did not have an ideal appearance or sports figures. But their inherent internal heat makes them much more attractive than the cold beauty of arrogant ladies or the polished elegance of gentlemen.
Thus, charm is character.
This is the ability to win people over without putting any effort into it. Quality is highly valued in any team. Such a person, as a rule, has no enemies. Simply because he disarms them with his warmth and goodwill. This quality is especially important in all professions related to communication. A charming salesperson or manager-consultant will be able to win the client’s sympathy much faster and more naturally and persuade him to buy. In hospitals and clinics, patients treat doctors and nurses with this quality with special trepidation. A charming teacher or teacher is the favorite of all his students. And although this property cannot be learned, you can try to develop qualities such as empathy, the ability to empathize and sympathize. Because wherever we work, whatever we do, positive communication interacting with people will always bring us only benefit.
Charisma is a special charm and attractiveness of a personality that can be formed and trained in oneself. To do this, you just need to know the factors that together constitute charisma and actively develop them in yourself.
You have probably witnessed more than once a situation where men with an enthusiastic look escort beautiful, confident and charming women.
Is this not about you? But each of us is not born wearing high heels, with an amazing gait and a flair of exquisite perfumes - all this is acquired in the process of life, as well as internal charm.
Every woman can be that fatal beauty interesting personality , which turns heads and breaks hearts.
How to develop personal charm and charisma?
In any team, group of friends, and even in a crowd, there are people who are different special attraction. They often talk about this "a person with charisma."
This very charisma allows you to always be in the center of attention, opens many doors for its owner and makes others admire or imitate.
Charismatic women are always the center of attention
Charisma — This is a person’s inner charm, a special attractiveness that consists of many factors. And if someone charisma is given by nature, then others can quite successfully create it themselves.
In order to be known as a charismatic person, you need to learn to be charming and attractive to others.
Love yourself
There will never be confidence and charisma, as well as universal love, if you don’t learn love yourself.
Stop looking for flaws in yourself and building up complexes - You are a person and everything about you is beautiful, because nature could not create anything imperfect.
A woman who loves herself becomes much more attractive in the eyes of others Improve yourself: go on a diet, sign up for a gym, change your hairstyle or clothing style - eradicate what is so unloved in yourself and start tomorrow with firm confidence that everything about you is perfect.
Find your highlight
Each personality has individual set characteristics that make her stand out from the crowd. You have those features that make it unique, so stop imitating someone. Better develop yours positive traits and improve.
Every girl has her own highlight The indispensable highlight of every woman is there is a mystery hidden in it. Men love women who leave room for intrigue, don't show all their cards and provide space for imagination. Try to behave like a mystery girl and then interest in you will never wane.
At the same time, don't become an absolute puzzle, after all, not every man will have the desire to guess for a long time and tediously and try to declassify you. Everything should be in moderation.
Open up to the world
An open person is always ready to communicate, he smiles sincerely and with him have a good time. Be open to acquaintance, dialogue and even showdown and show your disposition towards the interlocutor, after all, gloomy, withdrawn people only make others feel despondent.
Openness to the world will allow you to make many interesting acquaintances The main feature of a woman is it's her emotionality. It's wonderful to smile when they sound pleasant words, openly admire if the interlocutor amazed you with the story and empathize with your neighbor. Hidden in this feminine essence, You shouldn’t hide it - it’s better to openly demonstrate emotions.
Be an interesting conversationalist
The ability to carry on a conversation is a great art and you are very lucky if you master it. If not, then it is necessary expand your horizons, learn new things and spend a lot of time communicating.
At the same time, it is necessary to be able not just to listen, but also to hear, empathize with the interlocutor, understand his problems and share joys.
A charming person must be a wonderful conversationalist With a person who can do it all, nice to talk to you I, because he will always listen, give practical advice and support in difficult times.
And vice versa, no one is interested in communicating with a person who self-obsessed, talks only about his problems, endlessly interrupts the speaker.
Self confidence
A charismatic person is one who is always in the spotlight. An insecure gray mouse is unlikely to ever become the center of universal attraction.
To be interesting public it is necessary to shine, not to enter the room, but to appear, attracting the gaze of those present.
Confident woman Most charismatic personalities there is aristocracy in movements and manners - they are confident and at the same time restrained, sophisticated and always appropriate.
Try to look at yourself in the mirror: Are the hand movements too sweeping, like windmill; Are there clumsiness and haste in your manners?
If all this is present, then must be eradicated immediately such manifestations.
Stop being uptight and quiet, because You are an individual, unique and versatile., how long can you hide yourself in corners and try to be a shadow?
Go to bed at night and get up in the morning with the thought that you are more not part of the crowd - you are above it, bright and irresistible, ready to boldly meet her destiny, and not quiet, letting life pass by.
Video: How to become confident?
Charm of appearance: stylish clothes, stylish jewelry
Attractive and charming girl must be well dressed. fashion clothes and accessories emphasize taste and charm, but it’s not worth chase blindly for all the news.You must remember that clothes should emphasize beauty, and style should be individual.
Clothing should highlight individuality If super-fashionable jeans or a dress don’t suit you at all, then such a new thing will be of little use. If clothes do not decorate and do not emphasize your individuality, then These things should not be in your wardrobe, even if they are super branded.
Properly selected clothing should:
- emphasize the advantages of the figure
- hide flaws
- match your personality (if you are feminine and sophisticated, then rock style is clearly contraindicated for you)
- all elements must be in harmony and combined with each other
Charm of speech
An essential feature of a charming person is correct speech . It must be clear, intelligible and measured, because few people are interested in listening to inexpressive speech.
And even though oratorical talent Not many people are naturally fluent, but you can still learn to speak beautifully on your own.
Recite poetry in front of a mirror as if you were an actress in front of a full hall of listeners The following exercises are useful for developing clear speech:
- reciting poetry
- conversation in front of the mirror
- reading tongue twisters
- chanting sounds
It is very important not only to be able to pronounce all sounds beautifully and clearly, but also what are you saying. Grammatically correct speech- one of the main attributes of a charismatic person. In order for the speech to be harmonious and filled with meaning it is necessary:
The smile should be yours business card , if you want to be charming and charismatic. Firstly, this way you will immediately demonstrate to others that are supportive and friendly, and secondly, there is no such person for whom a smile would not suit. Is it possible not to use this significant trump card?
It is especially important for the fair sex to be blooming and smiling, because good mood not only makes you look younger and beautifies, but also transmitted to others.
A smile is a woman's best adornment And people who know how to cheer up attract like a magnet and illuminate harsh everyday life like sunlight.
The charm of success
We all strive for some kind of achievement, some consciously, and some only at the subconscious level. Therefore, everyone is interested in the one who achieved something in life, as an example of success, a source of valuable life advice or an incentive to go forward and not stop there.
Successful man- the personification of a good life and well-being that each of us strives for. But that's not the only reason why successful people so attractive. As a rule, those people who do not succeed are gloomy and depressing with their pessimism, poisoning the lives of those around them.
Successful personality very attractive to others Communication with such people is of little interest and even harmful, because a person who is a loser in life is unlikely to be happy about someone's success, will become a reliable shoulder in a difficult moment - he is loaded with his own personal problems.
Successful personality she is not burdened with the hardships of life, she does not oppress others, but goes through life with ease.
Exercises for charm and charisma
There are many ways train your own charisma and attractiveness. Be prepared for the fact that creating attractiveness is a long and difficult process, but it will more than pay for itself, when you become the center of everyone's attention, and there will be no end to men.
Charisma can be trained Charisma and charm training includes the following activities:
- Courses acting —
If you want to shine in public, then you need to master at least the basics of the acting profession, because who, if not actors, knows how to attract people's attention with the gift of complete control of their facial expressions, the situation and the audience?
2. Continuous communication with different people — charismatic person must be able to carry on a conversation with any person, even if he is not very interesting
3. Reflection- dive into yourself, try to find your characteristics, inclinations, hidden possibilities. Every day tell yourself that you are unique, successful, charming and be sure to substantiate these thoughts with facts from life in which your best sides showed up
4. Self-development- reading books, playing sports, traveling
5. Developing a sense of humor- tell yourself jokes in front of the mirror, learn to laugh at yourself, look at life positively
Charm- a feature that will allow you to be in demand and open the way to many achievements. Every person can be charismatic, you just need to make some effort for this and you can safely reap the benefits in the form of universal attention, love and honor.
Video: How to become charming and attractive?