People with whom it is interesting to communicate have been valued at all times, starting with the cave people. After all, there is no greater pleasure for a person than to talk with his own kind, at the same time to show himself and listen to others. In general, a good conversationalist is a great rarity, and when you discover it, you feel an incomparable pleasure. Most of the people among whom our lives flow are either unable to put two words together, at least to do it logically and excitingly, or they are filled with nightingales, but are fixated on themselves, their loved ones, and are ready to devote dozens of hours to describing their boring life circumstances.
Is it possible to learn to be an interesting conversationalist if you naturally have neither eloquence nor special charm? Psychologists say it is possible. After all, the main quality that people value in communication partners is not the ability to speak beautifully, but the ability to listen well. And anyone can master this wisdom, especially if they have the desire.
What else should a person do in order to be considered a pleasant conversationalist and invariably gather interesting and popular personalities around him?
- Ask. We have already realized that the main thing people need is our interest. Observing our sincere interest in ourselves, people feel significant and worthy of admiration. And this is pleasant for everyone. To emphasize your interest in the words of your interlocutor, it is not enough to simply listen to what he says. You need to ask questions that are relevant to the course of the plot: “What is he? What about her? What then? And how did they react to this? and so on. It’s also good to nod your head, dilate your pupils in surprise and make exclamations of approval.
Say compliments and other nice things. Approve of the narrator's appearance, behavior, and attitudes. You like it all, don't you? If not, then why are you communicating with this person? Find yourself another, more congenial interlocutor. In your desire to be an interesting conversationalist, you don’t need to go too far and listen to the speeches of those who are not interesting to you. Conversation is a two-way process and both parties should have fun. If this happens, don't hesitate to put it into words.
- Observe your interlocutor. Maybe he's bored and wants to change the subject? Ask a question from another area that you think might be of interest to him. Tell us something yourself, look at his reaction. If he responds promptly, continue to develop the topic, ask his opinion on certain issues. If your pitch doesn't get traction, try something else. Talk about his friends, family, hobbies. Some topic will definitely be of interest to him.
If you are tired of listening and admiring, and you want to be heard now, this can also be arranged.
Learn to express your thoughts and opinions logically, easily and beautifully. If you are silent by nature or tongue-tied, you can and should fight this. You can start with a letter. Writing is easier than speaking: the situation is calm, there is no tension, there is time to think about elegant formulations. It doesn’t matter what you write: a diary, a personal blog, a detective story or an essay on a free topic. Even the result is not of paramount importance. The main thing is practice. You can develop the ability to express what you think with regular practice. Once you learn to communicate in writing, it will not be so difficult for you to move on to coherent oral speech.
- Practice talking. This is advice for inexperienced interlocutors who get lost in company, begin to mumble something indistinctly, insert remarks out of place and are often ready to fall into the ground. If you are afraid of everyone's attention and at the same time passionately desire it (not such a rare combination), first practice in front of the mirror. Choose an arbitrary topic, maybe at random, by opening a dictionary or book, and start developing it. The topic could be captive breeding of kangaroos or how an electric bicycle works. It doesn't matter. Don’t worry, no one can see you, you can talk complete nonsense and nonsense, the main thing is to do it easily and confidently. If you are afraid that they will hear you and call the paramedics, make sure you have privacy: check doors, windows and hidden places for bugs. You can record your speech on a voice recorder. This will make it easier for you to discover all the shortcomings of your oratory and correct them in order to be an interesting interlocutor.
- Read. To develop the ability to speak and tell stories, it is very useful to study examples: classics and modern literature, women's novels and police detective stories, glossy magazines and political newspapers. In all this printed material you can find the element you need - a coherent and captivating speech. Adopt the experience of storytellers, use new words and interesting topics to increase your own status as an interesting interlocutor.
- Stay up to date. If you haven't watched the new film with Tom Cruise or read Pelevin's recently released novel, you won't have anything to discuss with your friends. Of course, if your friends are interested in these particular characters. Follow the latest news in sports or politics, on Facebook or YouTube, in glossy magazine or on the Fashion channel. And then they will contact you to learn something new, discuss events, and find out your opinion. At first, if you are an inexperienced talker, you can prepare your opinion in advance. But under no circumstances should you stop at this stage. Develop not only your speech, but also your brain. Have your own opinion on all issues.
- Develop a sense of humor. A witty interlocutor especially attracts attention, both of his own and of the opposite sex. And in our time, wit is especially valued, it’s not for nothing that KVN and Comedy Club are so popular, and every self-respecting channel has its own sketch show and other humorous delights. Acquiring wit or at least a reputation as a person with a sense of humor is difficult, but not impossible. Study primary sources. Read Ilf and Petrov, listen to the Humor FM radio and watch TV, there is especially a lot of funny stuff there, and not always in humorous programs. At first, you can use blanks: learned jokes, jokes heard somewhere, funny stories that happened to others. Just don’t force them into the conversation. Wait for the right moment to make a splash and hear a burst of laughter.
- Be yourself. But in its best, positive and optimistic version. If you are overcome by problems, there is no need to burden others with them with a gloomy expression on your face. Either remain silent, or talk about what happened with humor. This will not only amuse your interlocutors, but will also help you abstract from the situation and look at it from a different angle. Enjoy your communication; it is always noticeable and pleasant to those with whom you spend time. If that doesn't work, spend your time in some other way. There is no need to force yourself to do what you don’t want, this will inevitably lead to the accumulation of tension and damage to character and behavior.
A lot depends on the ability to find a common language with anyone. This includes career advancement, a successful personal life, and a large circle of friends. But how to become an interesting conversationalist? What to say, about what and when? These questions concern both young people and experienced people. Let's figure out how to improve your communication skills.
You've probably met two different types of people. The former can easily join any team, calmly carry on a conversation and even entertain the company if necessary. For the latter, it is difficult to start a conversation with a stranger, it is difficult to select topics for conversation or speak in front of an audience. What is the secret of easy-to-communicate people, how to become an interesting interlocutor?
First of all, you should look at the type of temperament and character. People who move through life easily have a much simpler attitude towards many things. They are interested in many things, and they understand a variety of issues. With such a person it is not difficult to find a common theme for anyone. However, despite his erudition, such an interlocutor will never emphasize his superiority.
Another distinctive feature of an interesting interlocutor is a subtle sense of humor. His jokes are able to defuse the situation, but at the same time they are not vulgar or offensive. Funny incidents from life, unusual analogies and the ability to laugh at themselves make such people even more attractive interlocutors.
How to become an interesting person
A versatile personality is always interesting to others. But how to become an interesting person and conversationalist? No matter how hard we try to study the technologies of conversation and select interesting topics, without a deep study of personal qualities it will be useless. You need to be interesting first of all to yourself. You must not only study a lot and learn new things, but also be able to operate with these facts. An interesting person will not stutter while recalling a historical event or a new joke. Train your memory and attention, this will help overcome communication difficulties.
What to read to develop communication skills
Many books, manuals and brochures are published every day around the world for those who want to master the secrets of positive communication. How not to drown in this sea of information? What to read to become an interesting conversationalist? After all, if you take the first edition you come across, you may be disappointed.
Choose literature that has already stood the test of time and taken its rightful place on the shelves. Classic works of psychologists, theorists and practitioners will be very useful for the further development of communication skills. Not only will you learn proper communication techniques, but you will also be able to understand people better.
The Internet provides a wide range of opportunities for self-education. But when choosing a resource to increase knowledge, be careful and critical. Pay attention to who wrote the articles, whether the author has a pedagogical or psychological education. This will allow you to weed out obviously false information.
Periodicals will also be useful for self-education in the field of communication. Articles in them undergo mandatory editing and are often written in collaboration with professionals. They definitely won't do any harm. You can even make a selection of clippings for yourself to make them easier to use.
Basic rules of an interesting interlocutor
Having studied the theory of communication psychology, you can begin to practice. There are several techniques that will answer the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist:
Taboo topics for conversation
Not everything is worth talking about and not always. If you are thinking about how to become an interesting conversationalist, be sure to study, but never raise these questions:
- Politics - this topic is too complex and multifaceted. Especially international, because a variety of events are constantly happening in the world. People can hold many different points of view, and categorically expressing one of them can easily lead to unnecessary conflict and tension.
- Health – this topic is considered intimate. Not everyone is ready to discuss the details of their last visit to the dentist. Moreover, it is considered indecent to publicly talk about your illnesses.
- Personal life - people don’t like being pestered with intrusive questions. Topics such as marriage, having children, divorce, etc. are a personal matter for everyone. Discussing them is permissible only face to face and only with the closest people.
What to talk about
But then the question arises: what is acceptable to talk about? There are many topics for conversation:
- Achievements of science, including new technologies: telephones, cars, etc.
- Fashion, beauty, style - just don’t indulge in banal gossip.
- Cinema, books, performances and other interesting events.
How to become an interesting conversationalist for a man and a girl
When developing relationships with the opposite sex, communication plays an important role. Often young people are looking for an answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl. And ladies are interested in the same things about men. But recent research by psychologists convincingly proves that there are no big gender differences. Just follow all the recommendations given, and you will definitely have success with the opposite sex.
How to become an interesting person to others? Focus on your own individuality and don't try to copy anyone. Many people who want to become more interesting to others are forgotten, being obsessed with their desire. And they begin to imitate their ideal, and not always successfully, completely forgetting about their own uniqueness. And this is the main mistake of many people.
Self-development
If a person is thinking about how to become an interesting person to others, then there is a high probability that he is not very versatile. This is true? Then you need to start actively working on yourself. In self-development, the main point is to concentrate on your goals and desires, as well as constantly acquiring new knowledge to achieve them.
This process is impossible without self-knowledge, which implies the study of one’s personal characteristics (both physical and mental). It is very important for each person to comprehend himself, after which he establishes himself in those areas of life that are most significant to him. And the more there are, the better. Everything is simple here. The more spheres of manifestation of his personality a person has, the wider his horizons will become, the richer his inner world, the richer his knowledge base. Personality is like a painting. The more details it contains, the more interesting it is to study it.
Popular problem
If a person is worried about how to become an interesting person to others, most likely he simply does not know how to communicate. Lack of communication skills manifests itself in different ways. Some talk about something completely ordinary, uninteresting or banal. Others do not pay attention to the interlocutor, not allowing them to get a word in. Some simply don’t know what to say, and therefore all their speeches are inappropriate. The rest know neither moderation nor tact, and constantly strive to “get into” the dialogue.
And these are not all examples. But the solution for all cases is the same: you need to learn to communicate.
Competent dialogue
Well, how to become an interesting person to others? You need to learn to talk to them! It's not that difficult, just remember a few rules and follow them.
First, you need to be genuinely interested in others. People are more willing to communicate with those who show interest in them. And in most cases they show it in response, giving the interlocutor the opportunity to open up.
Secondly, don't be shy to smile. But only sincerely, not falsely! A kind smile attracts the interlocutor to you. In addition, she shows him that communicating with him brings pleasure and joy.
Thirdly, you must call your opponent by name. It would seem like a simple and ordinary thing. But many have long ago replaced their names with “you”. And in vain. After all, a name expresses individuality.
Also, if a person is interested in something, people should learn to listen. Showing attention is a powerful tool of influence. During your opponent’s monologue, you should not neglect questions, clarifications, or manifestations of emotions. This demonstrates caring. Today a person listened to his interlocutor, and tomorrow he will pay attention to him.
Bringing out your best qualities
How to become an interesting person? There are all kinds of advice, but most recommendations say: you need to be careful and notice every little detail. There is something to talk about with any person, the main thing is to find a topic, the source of which is the interlocutor himself. You just need to take a closer look at it. Did you notice a few hairs on his T-shirt? Then it’s worth casually asking if your interlocutor has a cat. He will immediately become interested in the interlocutor - he will at least be intrigued by the person’s observation skills. And then the topic can be developed. This is where education and reading are needed. People who know a lot are able to easily and imperceptibly move from one topic to another and reason in such a way that it will not be boring. Dialogue with them rarely reaches a dead end. But even if everything has already been discussed, they have a trump card. And these are questions. The kind that can spark a new round of dialogue.
It is enough just to ask what else, in addition to what was agreed, the interlocutor is interested in, or what he would like to do. Even without keeping questions in mind, you can always get your bearings. The question should only show the interlocutor its significance. Few people don't like to talk about themselves. The main thing is to be sincerely interested in them.
Personal opinion
There is one more nuance that every person who cares about how to become more interesting should learn. Tips and recommendations are numerous, and most of them say: you need to remember your own opinion. A person who has a personal point of view regarding something is always of interest if his judgment is objective, justified and reasoned. A person who is able to clearly, competently and accessiblely explain to others his understanding of something, his desires and emotions, is a valuable interlocutor.
And here it is important, first of all, to be able to correctly express your thoughts. Opinions are often shared with people who have different ideas about certain things. Therefore, you need to construct an explanation in such a way that everyone understands the essence and feels the sensation experienced by the opponent.
But that is not all. It is also important not to be afraid to speak up. Some people prefer to remain silent or simply agree in convenient situations. But this quality does not distinguish a person. What makes a person more interesting and colorful is the ability to speak out, especially if he does it competently.
Positive
Cheerful people always make people feel good about themselves. This must be remembered if a person is interested in how to become an interesting person. With a good sense of humor, you definitely won’t have to go to hell. After all, this is a valuable human ability to find something comical in almost every situation.
Plus, it is the ability to joke (and at the right moment) that makes a person the soul of the company. Such people are cheerful and funny, they do not hesitate to appear funny, and it is also not difficult for them to defuse the situation with an appropriate anecdote or witticism.
How to develop this skill in yourself? You need to constantly practice, learn from famous comedians, joke at yourself and laugh at problems. And don’t stress too much. Usually only in a relaxed state does an appropriate joke come to mind. If a person sits in tension and actively thinks about what to say so witty, it usually doesn’t turn out very well.
Openness
How to become an interesting person? For men and women who want to appear more socially attractive, there is one more universal piece of advice. They should be more open, which is sometimes difficult for many.
Socially open people are sociable and sincere. They share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with others. They have no internal barrier that could prevent them from being with people as they are. They do not hide their inner world. And that's what makes them interesting. They can be compared to an open, interesting book that you want to read as quickly as possible. People are attracted to such personalities. After all, many of them would often like to become so open.
How to turn into such a person? Very simple. We need to get rid of masks, stereotypes and stop worrying about what others will say. Then the person will become not only more open, but also happier.
Many people are interested in how to become an interesting conversationalist, what needs to be done for this, what methods, methods and recommendations there are. After all, being excellent and interesting is very useful when communicating; it allows you to be more confident, find new acquaintances, friends, and at the same time become better and more successful.
In this article you will learn how become interesting interlocutor, what are the secrets of psychologists, tips and recommendations to learn how to communicate with all people and be interesting to everyone. We are all different and each person needs a different approach; this article will help you develop this feeling if you apply all the advice in practice.
Learn to listen
To become an interesting conversationalist, you just need to learn to listen to the person who is communicating with you. We all love to talk about ourselves and our problems, and if you lower your ego and allow your interlocutor to express his thoughts and opinions, he will see that you know how to listen and you will become a better interlocutor for him, even if you personally do not know how to communicate either.
Talk about what people need, not what you need
To become an interesting conversationalist, stop being selfish and thinking only about yourself. Start the conversation by solving someone else's problems and end the conversation by solving your problems. Then you and your interlocutor will remain on excellent terms and solve all your and his problems. Many are only interested in their own problems and, as a result, cannot solve anything.
Be like your interlocutor
To become interesting interlocutor, you need to remember that people like people who are similar to them. Therefore, try to adapt to each interlocutor, but at the same time remaining confident in yourself. Copy the voice, tempo, intonation and behavior of your interlocutor and then it will become easier for him to communicate with you and you will find a common language to solve problems.
Communicate with people more often
To become an interesting conversationalist, you need to try, experiment and not be afraid of being rejected. Fear prevents us from communicating with others and, accordingly, our self-confidence decreases. To raise it and become a better communicator, don’t be afraid to communicate with different people, don’t be afraid to intrude and try to help people. Communicate with those who share the same opinions about life with you and are interested in your advice and suggestions.
Use a smile
Support your interlocutor
To become an interesting conversationalist, you need to maintain a conversation and share opinions with the interlocutor. If he is wrong, you don’t have to tell him about it unless he asks you to. Keep the truth to yourself and then you won't offend anyone. But if you need to make a decision and the wrong point of view is imposed on you, you should not hide it. But don't just tell the truth, but turn to facts and evidence. Don't waste time arguing and criticizing.
However, despite the fact that most people know how to speak, unfortunately, not all of us are able to be interesting interlocutors with whom other people would like to spend hours of free time, just to hear the next phrase from our lips. So how do we become great speakers who can manipulate, make people laugh and simply make their audience fall in love with just a few of the right words?
Oddly enough, becoming an eloquent rhetorician is very simple, despite the fact that it will take many years to achieve mastery in this craft. The basis of speech that is interesting to others, first of all, is such a concept as “surprise”. Yes, it is precisely because of the ability to surprise listeners with every next sentence that we become interesting and, in a sense, attractive speakers. For example, would it be interesting to watch magic tricks when you knew perfectly well how each piece of the trick was done and what to expect at the end of the next magic act? Of course not! The same thing applies to the ability to speak - you can consider yourself as cheerful a person as you like, but if you tell the same jokes for days that you read in the book “101 funniest jokes”, no one will smile, but will just go listen to the lecture , for example, by rudimentary reflexes or quantum physics in the life of an ordinary person.
The second most important lesson to learn before you start dreaming of becoming a great rhetorician is that you should never try to talk about something you don't know. It is quite possible that you do not have deep knowledge in any matter, except for one. So try to surprise people with what you know on this issue, and do not seek universal recognition by maintaining communication on topics that you have just heard for the first time in your life. Many people ask what to do at a time when a topic that is known and understandable to you cannot be changed, just as you cannot simply remain silent. The answer, as always, is simple - the skill of self-criticism will help you. Simply put, if you are faced with a situation where you are forced to carry on a conversation about something that you do not know, try to take advantage of your ignorance and instead of answering, ask others questions on the topic at hand, you can even try to use your cunning and ask your interlocutors something something on this topic that they will be forced to think about and try for a long time to find an answer, with which you can add a little spice, but also interest to your communication. If you cannot do this, then you can simply translate the question asked to you, in the form of a joke, to some other person in your group.
And finally, the third most important skill that any speaker who is more or less popular in society possesses is courage and the absence of excessive modesty. You always need to remember that when you say something, you are pronouncing words, phrases and whole sentences in front of people like yourself, who can just get up and start talking in such a way that they will quickly forget about you and you will be forced to sit stand aside and quietly sip tea, while some Vasya Petrov from the factory amuses and makes everyone around him laugh, and also amazes them with facts about some machine. Therefore, it is extremely important to remember that as soon as you open your mouth and utter the first sound, from that moment you turn into the king of the celebration and it depends only on you how long it will take before you are overthrown. How should a king rule? Correct - loud, clear, multifaceted, intelligent, and most importantly - fair. Based on this, we will formulate a formula for ideal rhetoric: good rhetoric = loud and clear speech + cultural, unexpected and interesting proposals to others.
Finally, I would like to note that the main thing is not to be afraid to speak and express your personal opinion, since people who are only able to agree with others have never been loved and will not be loved. Even if your opinion completely contradicts the thoughts of others, express everything as you think, and then you will, at a minimum, be respected for your courage to go against others, and if you “demonstrate” your contradictory opinion with the help of a wonderfully delivered speech, then your interlocutors will not say anything bad at all, but will only thank you for the wonderful minutes during which they listened to this magnificent, eloquent speech.