What psychological problems arise in connection with the move?
Psychologists like to set up this experiment: They give a person to write an associative series associated with a particular concept. The word moving evokes two groups of associations: the first is bright, joyful, major: improvement of living conditions, pleasant troubles of repairs, selection of interior. The second negative is vanity, physical and psychological stress, cleaning, and so on.
Simply increasing square meters does not always improve the psychological atmosphere in the family. For example, a new, large, but poorly organized space can lead to a lot of stress that was not present in a small, cozy apartment where everyone had a place. Remember village families with many household members. Each child had his own corner on the stove, a kind of cozy cocoon where he could retire and experience any of his childhood problems and tragedies. It is quite possible that in the new mansions, the child will feel less protected than in a small old apartment.
Help your child cope positively with the move
When buying a new home, adults first of all plan what repairs to make and how to arrange the furniture. How can you help your child not get lost in a new space and survive the move? How to properly create that cozy corner and psychological comfort for a child?
The word “survive” is often perceived with a negative emotional connotation. For psychologists, this is not entirely true: you can experience both vivid and ordinary events, and each person has their own reaction to all this. Therefore, it is important to help your child experience the move in a positive way.
What does the child react to, what is stress for him? The first thing is the worst thing that a child can never understand - this is the lack of parental attention, the feeling that mom, dad, beloved grandmother does not belong to him completely. However, during the period of moving and the troubles associated with it, the mother seems to have a justification for the fact that she pays less attention to the child; this means she is very busy. The first advice in this situation is to tell the child more often how important and significant he is, that he is still loved, that all this is being done for his sake. But this “for his sake” should not create a feeling of sacrifice in your child’s mind, it should not cause him to feel guilty for the “sacrifice made for his sake.”
It would be nice for the child to feel the prospect of a “happy tomorrow.” Therefore, he needs to be involved in thinking about the interior of a new apartment, of course, at the level that is familiar to him. For example, give the opportunity to draw a new space. If this is a very small child, discuss with him what toys he will put in the new room. By the way, there is another good way to develop space - if the apartment is old and needs to be renovated, then let your child draw on the wallpaper. It is important to awaken positive emotions and involve the child in cooperation with adults.
It must be taken into account that the child is very sensitive to rhythms and grows healthy if he follows a daily routine. Therefore, we must try to do everything so that the child’s usual daily routine does not suffer. An adult can perceive a change joyfully and emotionally, but a child is usually disorganized, he begins to be capricious, which undoubtedly causes irritation and breakdowns in parents, and then he feels unnecessary and unloved. In order not to disrupt the baby’s usual routine, you can use the help of a grandmother or nanny.
It often happens that parents want to celebrate a housewarming, receive guests, and the child may be left without attention. What is the best way to proceed so that the interests of both the adult and the child are respected?
“Majordomo” has this practice - attracting operational staff, for example, a nanny, governess, teacher, who can come for a few hours, for a day, for a weekend and keep the child occupied, competently involving him in the process of mastering a new space. When a child is with a nanny, he does not feel abandoned.
Is there such a danger in this case that the child will get the impression that the mother has replaced herself as a nanny?
This point is worth discussing seriously and not only about moving. The problem with many of our mothers is that they often lack awareness of their own “I”, and they cannot correctly distribute roles in the family. When a woman has a correct understanding of her roles, for example: I am a mother, I am a beautiful woman, I am a housewife, I am a professional, then they are differentiated and correctly distributed. If these roles are not realized and not differentiated, then the mother begins to experience a guilt complex, if she cannot bring down all her love and energy on the child, a feeling appears that if she redistributes attention between the child and someone or something else, then the child loses her love and attention. Psychologists recommend attracting a significant third person in conflict situations, a person who will bring a new spirit to family relationships. Jealous mothers can rest assured that the nanny can never replace the mother; she can only fulfill her duties while she is busy. At our agency, we practice the Ten Commandments of good nannies, where it is declared that in the absence of family members, the nanny must mention them positively several times a day.
What is the best way to organize a child’s place, be it their own corner or room?
A child, like any other person, feels psychologically comfortable when he has his own territory, which he uses for privacy and for his hobbies. The child should have the opportunity to do things here that cannot be done in the entire apartment. This is the personal space that parents must learn to respect from the first days, and not to invade it without permission. Then you can cultivate in your child the independence and independence necessary for the formation of personality. Unfortunately, parents very often kill the child’s aspirations for creativity and developing taste. You cannot limit a child’s desire to decorate his space.
When organizing a comfortable space, you can use a bunk bed with curtains, or a tent that will serve the child as his own home. For a child, his own territory is a harbinger of the future feeling of home.
Loving parents and grateful children
Moving is often stressful for older people. How to reduce its consequences?
Of course, older people experience a lot of stress when moving, deprived of their usual area, environment: the usual bakery, their doctor, a friend on a bench, and here they need additional psychological reinforcement. Often parents exchange their comfortable and familiar apartment so that the newlyweds can live separately. And, as a rule, they do this out of great love for their children. On the other hand, they want to prove to their children their necessity and importance, to receive gratitude and more attention in return. Therefore, young people must find time, opportunity and ways to play the role of grateful children.
It is difficult for parents to experience the moment when their children begin to live an independent life. For example, due to a move, a daughter now becomes the mistress of the house. And although the parents wanted it, it will take them a long time to accept these changes. In this situation, young people, being more flexible, need to show more patience and understanding. It is likely that parents will give advice that is often unacceptable from the point of view of the young. They need to be listened to and at least something put into practice. This will be pleasant for parents and will help smooth out possible conflicts.
New home - new roles
Due to relocation, the number of household members often changes and new roles appear. How to distribute these roles correctly?
Moving is a catalyst for all processes that took place in the family. If it seemed to you that even before the move your husband was not very active in solving family problems, then in this situation this feeling may become aggravated. No matter how your relationship with your spouse develops in this situation, it is necessary to maintain a positive opinion about him for your children. Therefore, try not to break down, do not point out to him the neighbor who does more than him, try to find the positives. If the housewarming party is sponsored by the parents or wife, then this situation can aggravate the husband’s feelings of inferiority complex. If, on the contrary, the apartment is earned by your husband, do not give in to the temptation to let him feel too much like the breadwinner and feel like a kept woman. It makes sense to let your spouse understand the importance of his contribution to the formation and maintenance of the family home.
Moving is a good reason to raise a child. There is an opportunity to emphasize the role of the father as a man, as the master of the house, to show his actions, how strong he is, how protected we are. Show how a man behaves when his family finds himself in a difficult situation, how his mother supports him and creates comfort.
How can a housewife show her role in the household?
One of our clients once calculated the cost of the household work she performed: housekeeper, cook, nanny-governess, dog handler, house manager, etc. When she compared all this with her husband’s contribution to the common household, the comparison turned out to be not in his favor. But, knowing your role in the household, do not overdo it; men do not forgive when you downplay their importance as the owner of the house. Moreover, roles can indeed change due to relocation. Especially in the case when a young family splits off from its parents. The beginning of an independent life is a good reason to establish yourself as a housewife and help your husband establish himself as the head of the family, and a smart wife will definitely use this reason.
New apartment - new traditions?
What family traditions can be introduced in connection with the move in order to improve the psychological atmosphere in the family?
First, maintain existing traditions. It’s good to keep a family chronicle, creating a photo and video archive; after all, shared memories really warm the soul. You can start storing family heirlooms when you move (the brush your dad used to paint the walls, the photo of the cat who first crossed the threshold of your house).
Now is the time for boring feasts; in preparation for the housewarming holiday, you can together make a wall newspaper that will tell about the contribution of each family member, and which will contain funny stories and photos related to the move. Invite your friends to your housewarming, this is an event that every family member should definitely experience.
What can be improved in the relationship between spouses in connection with the move?
It happens that a family lives in a familiar place for a long time, everything is ordinary and already becomes boring. Relationships in the family become discolored, spouses begin to perceive themselves only as parents of a common child. Moving to a new apartment and the joyful experiences associated with it can serve as an impulse to renew your feelings.
And it is also very important to revive or continue the tradition of family dinners; after all, nothing brings people together like a shared meal. Eating together involves conversation. An interesting point: in a classic Italian dining room, there is no space for a TV. The traditions of European families always include eating together, but not watching any TV shows together. Our people cannot imagine a kitchen without this, and ask Italian factories to correct this “shortcoming”.
If the space allows, then it is good to set up a dining table, it is advisable to cover it with a tablecloth, and arrange the cutlery beautifully. You will notice how your mood changes when you sit down at a well-set table.
Who is the boss of the house or heads or tails
How to find a compromise when discussing the future interior if the opinions of the spouses are different?
We can recommend the following to spouses: “We toss a coin, and if it lands on heads, we will accept your decision, and if it lands on tails, then we will accept mine.” The psychological meaning of this technique is to avoid a fight over who is the main boss in the house. By the way, here you can conduct a small test. Analyze the situation, remember how often minor conflicts arise in your family. And if it turns out that disputes arise quite often, it means that there is a constant conflict in the family: “Who is the boss of the house?” And perhaps it’s not so important what kind of wallpaper there will be, but whose decision will be made. Just in this case, the above method of decision-making works very well.
Don't strangers walk here?
Now families are increasingly resorting to the help of housekeepers, nannies, and governesses. How to survive a conflict if one of the spouses is against the service staff?
There is such a thing as home space, and some find it difficult to tolerate the presence of strangers in the apartment. Our clients, when hiring housekeepers, ask that all work be done before their husband arrives, or they clearly discuss with the housekeeper what she can do and what she cannot do, and in what area, so that the husband does not feel an invasion of his personal territory. And, probably, the wife should have a convincing argument why she is forced to hire help; her task is to show her husband that she is creating a respectable home and a comfortable life for the family. And this is much more than the cleaning itself.
A not entirely clear “companion” has appeared in the home service offerings. Who is this?
In some cases, you can use the services of a companion. A companion is a person who will create psychological comfort for a single parent. Her responsibilities include helping around the house, preparing lunches and meals together, and accompanying her when going shopping or to the clinic. A companion is not a nurse or a housekeeper. Companions are highly recommended in cases where you often go on business trips and your elderly parents feel lonely. Or when you have different points of view with your parents, and the conflict situation has gone far enough. But it is also necessary to take into account the fact that a conflict of perception may arise here. If children hire a companion for an elderly parent, then the latter may understand it this way: soulless children simply want to pass it on to someone, or will make him wonder whether the children are spending the money correctly. Many of our clients who hire a companion for their parents hear precisely these reproaches. In fact, in such accusations there is a completely different, hidden subtext “I want to communicate with you,” but in some cases a companion is, nevertheless, a partial solution to the problem.
How would you advise parents to psychologically prepare for the arrival of a companion?
To avoid a conflict, you need to talk with your parents and explain that they are not leaving them, they do not want to replace their love, that this is a sign of care, that they will still communicate. One of our clients used a companion for her father. The elderly man was burdened by loneliness, but he no longer wanted to get married. And then the problem was solved with the help of a companion, thanks to whom dad feels quite comfortable. Everyone is happy: the companion shows care and attention, discusses the news with him, accompanies him on walks, and the daughter works calmly.
New house - new neighbors
What is the best way to build relationships with neighbors?
If the house is occupied at the same time, then just regular eye contact, basic politeness and goodwill are enough. New residents have the same problems.
And if you are moving into an already occupied house, then, of course, you need to find an approach to the new neighbors. Please note that by carrying out repair work you will disturb their peace. It would be right if you go around the neighboring apartments in advance, warn about the upcoming repairs and their timing, and do not carry out noisy work during hours when small children are resting. It is also a rule of good manners to maintain cleanliness in the entrance when removing construction waste and bringing in furniture.
As for contacts, they are easy to make on the playground when walking with children or while walking dogs. By the way, even if you don’t have a dog, you can earn your neighbor’s favor by expressing sympathy for his pet. If you have a four-legged family member, then do not neglect the rules of its maintenance. Try to prevent, for example, your dog from attacking your neighbors and barking, flying out of the entrance, so that it does not pollute the entrance and sidewalk, or walk on the playground.
Show restraint even in dealing with neighbors who are not too kind - you won’t re-educate everyone.
You can invite your neighbors to celebrate your housewarming and make closer acquaintances. Don't hesitate to ask your neighbors for help; your expressed gratitude will also strengthen the relationship. Do everything possible to make a positive impression of you in your new home.
In most cases, moving from one place to another is a stressful situation, and it is especially complicated if you are leaving a house that you built (renovated) with your own hands or one in which you have lived for many years. Moving is felt by many people as saying goodbye to a decent part of the past; the act of selling an apartment or house is the finale of one of life’s stages. Your home holds so many memories, and being in your own home makes you feel closer to the good times you spent here. Moving to a new home brings with it huge changes both in life and in the future. Today we’ll talk about how to reduce the cost of moving.
Preparation
First of all, you need prepare mentally. If you are moving not under force majeure conditions, but know in advance about the upcoming changes, start preparing in advance: do this a couple of times a day, imagining yourself in a new place. Observe that you are perfectly settled, things are going well, you and your loved ones are smiling. Imagine any details you want: good, pleasant neighbors, the safety of your new home, children who quickly got used to it and loved it, your quick commute to work, etc. The more often and in more detail you imagine your new life, the sooner your anxiety level will decrease and the easier it will be for you and your family to cope with the newness.
Concerning preparation of material, it also needs to be started in advance. First, conduct reconnaissance in a new place - find out where the shops, pharmacy, post office are, what transport is available, meet and talk with your neighbors, they will probably be able to tell you useful information. Finding out the circumstances of life in a new place will help you quickly get used to the idea of moving and will relieve unnecessary stress. Secondly, don’t leave your preparations until the last day. Ideally, for a large-scale move, you should start packing 2-3 days before calling the car.
A little advice: you need to get rid of the accumulation of unnecessary things such as junk on the mezzanine and balcony before moving. Give it away, sell it, or throw it away so you don't bring old, stagnant energy to your new location.
Rituals
Before packing your things in your old apartment, check farewell ritual with her. You can call guests and cook a delicious dinner or say goodbye in a family atmosphere, remembering all the good and funny things that happened to you here. Thank your home - mentally or out loud - for the wonderful years it was yours. Usually, after such a farewell, it becomes easier to cope with the separation, a feeling of completion of the stage appears, and pleasant excitement and interest arises about your new home.
Once in a new place, when the last box has already been brought into the house, but the process of unpacking things has not yet begun, welcome your new home heartily. Smile and say some nice and encouraging words out loud, assure the new home that you will be happy together, you will take care of it and you will be happy here. Thank him for accepting you - such a ritual will help you quickly begin to perceive this house as mine. Now start unpacking! If you're not doing this alone, bring an element of play into the process. For example, you can make a wish for an object and compete to see who can find it in the boxes faster. Do not arrange furniture and things automatically, do it with soul and joyful emotions, “accelerate” the feeling of anticipation in yourself - may you feel good at this moment.
Be sure to go take a walk in the vicinity of your new home in the first days after moving. Notice good, beautiful, joyful and pleasant things during this walk: beautiful houses, silence, wonderful people, the politeness of salespeople in stores, the beauty of trees - in general, look for one that can quickly reduce the stress of moving.
Waste of time on collecting and packing, loss and damage of things during loading and transportation. This is not a complete list of problems that await those moving
Sometimes it is almost impossible to survive the difficulties of moving. Especially if it concerns moving to another city. Waste of time on collecting and packing, loss and damage of things during loading and transportation. This is not a complete list of problems that await those moving.
How to psychologically cope with moving
Moving to another city, in addition to practical problems, will also bring a lot of psychological worries. After all, difficulties arise not only in organizing the process, but also in adapting to a new place, in finding housing and work.
A change of place of residence is associated with the desire to change life for the better. But remember that reality does not always live up to expectations! Psychologists give some tips on how to make it easier to survive moving to another city:
Careful planning for your move will help you avoid unnecessary stress. It also reduces the chance that you will forget or lose something;
Remember the reasons for which you moved. Write them down on a piece of paper and hang them in a visible place. This will encourage and increase incentive;
When furnishing a new apartment, use household items that were with you before e. Favorite books, paintings, rugs and accessories will create a pleasant atmosphere. At the same time, they will not take up much space in your luggage and will not be very heavy;
Go on excursions, walks and exhibitions in your new city. This way you will get to know the city, take your mind off sad thoughts, and meet new people.
To make it easier for children to cope with the move, give them the opportunity to participate in the arrangement of their new home.. Spend more time with them, explore the city, tell them about the advantages of living in a new place.
The most important part of moving is organizing the process and packing your things. Those who have had to move more than once have developed Here are a few tips to make your move easier and help you avoid stress.
10 ways to make moving easier
When changing your place of residence, carefully consider each step and get to know the city better
Start planning your move to another city several months in advance. After all, a number of issues need to be resolved, including finding new housing and work, and counting expenses. It would be a good idea to collect information about the new city. This will help you quickly adapt to a new place.
Prepare for your move in advance
Don't leave collecting and packing your things until last. To move the property of a one-room apartment, start packing at least a week before the moving date. Long preparation will save you from panic and will allow you to pack carefully.
Sort out your things and decide what to take with you
When moving to another city, it is better not to take all the accumulated property. There is no need to carry an Italian bedroom set or a bulky furniture rack with you. As a rule, apartments are rented with the necessary set of equipment and furniture. And if necessary, you can always buy more things. New city - new life!
Don't be afraid to get rid of excess
Moving is a great reason to get rid of clutter. Don't miss this moment! Give unnecessary things to people in need or take them to the country, and just throw away the old trash.
Gather packing materials
Use boxes to pack books, personal items, and dishes. Pre-wrap glass and fragile items in paper or cloth. If you take furniture, then just wrap the items in film. It will protect against scratches and dirt.
For equipment, the best packaging will be “original” store boxes. If these are not preserved, take a container of a suitable size and fill the empty spaces with a towel, cloth or newspapers. Pack clothes in bags or sacks.
Follow the correct order of packing
Start collecting with lightly used items, then move on to large items. First of all, collect curtains, tablecloths, pillows and blankets. Seasonal shoes and clothes, books and CDs. Then pack your furniture and appliances. Collect dishes, personal items, clothing and other everyday items last.
Place documents and money separately
Keep documents and valuables with you when moving. Also, do not forget to take a first aid kit with the necessary medications that you may need on the road.
Sign the boxes
Label the container where everything is. Use markers and sticky notes. Make a separate list with all the property being transported. This will simplify and speed up the process of sorting things out in a new place.
Don’t start unpacking your things on the day of arrival
Place the boxes in the rooms where they will be stored. For example, bags of clothes go to the bedroom, dishes to the kitchen. Disassemble the property gradually and do not take on everything in a row. Don't touch the new box until you've completely disassembled the old one! This will help avoid chaos and unnecessary stress.
Transport a small amount of items yourself or send additional cargo.
For large volumes of property, use the services of a transport company.
Consolidated transportation (additional cargo) is a rational option that is suitable for the delivery of small-tonnage cargo. You do not need to carry things with you and order separate transport.
If you are taking furniture and appliances, it is better to contact professional carriers. They will provide the necessary vehicle, pack, load and unload things. published
Changing your usual environment inevitably leads to stress, and one of the most severe shocks is associated with moving. The move can be planned or urgent, desired or forced, but still a person has to get used to the new environment.
Moving seriously changes a person's lifestyle
Changes can affect only small everyday aspects: moving to a similar apartment on the same street, but they can be drastic: another city or even another country, changing a village to a city, or a sharp deterioration in living conditions. In this case, the worries from hassle related to organizational issues and adaptation to the environment in a new place are influenced by external factors: a change of school or kindergarten for the child, a change of job, a change in the usual environment and way of life. How to mentally prepare for this and reduce the stress of moving?
Causes of stress
All people, even the easiest ones, experience psychological stress when moving. This is due to the fact that a familiar environment gives a feeling of stability and security, while moving almost always is fraught with some uncertainty. In addition, emotional ties bind him to the place where a person has lived for some time. You always have to give up some things, leave them in your old apartment forever or pass them on to other people. This is often perceived as a symbolic rejection of part of the past and is experienced painfully.
Moving can be a logical part of a new stage of life: the first own, even rented, home for grown children; wedding; birth of a child; improvement of material well-being; changing cities as part of career growth. Sometimes this is a conscious step with the goal of radical changes in fate. Nowadays it is very popular for city residents to move to the countryside, away from civilization. In this case, changes are almost always known in advance, and there is time to prepare for them.
At the same time, when moving becomes a kind of boundary between two stages of life, stress is caused not so much by the fact of changing place of residence, but by the realization that a person is entering a new phase. The move serves as a unique and most significant symbol of these changes.
If the reasons for moving are related to negative events - divorce, worsening financial situation, the need to move to a sick relative to care for him - stress usually increases many times over. Often such moves are urgent, and preparation for them is chaotic. In this case, they become evidence of the instability of life and further increase anxiety and fear of the future.
How to prepare for moving
Preparing for a move includes two aspects: psychological and organizational. The first implies the right attitude, not only for upcoming changes, but also for the technical nuances of preparation. Packing things, loading them into the car and settling into a new place inevitably causes turmoil, confusion and can end in irritation and quarrels. And if it is not always possible to avoid anxiety about the future, then it is quite possible to prevent stress from getting ready. To do this, you should adhere to several rules:
- Decide in advance on the things you need to take to your new home, plan how and what to pack them in, in what order.
- To avoid having to look for things for a long time in a new place, all boxes need to be signed and numbered. In a new place, no matter how great the temptation to put off unpacking unimportant things until “later,” it is better to do it as soon as possible. An attitude will be formed towards the new house as a permanent home, and not a temporary abode.
- One or two days before moving and a couple of days after should be completely devoted to this process. You also need to be prepared for the fact that even with the most careful preparation, force majeure may occur. It’s good if this doesn’t happen, but such an attitude will help you deal with emergency situations more easily, not get upset about them and not look for gloomy omens in everything.
If you follow these recommendations, moving will be much easier emotionally. The right attitude will help you remove negative aspects. In your imagination you need to draw a positive image of the future in a new place. This is easy to do if the reasons for moving are related to pleasant changes in life. It is more difficult to remain optimistic if the change of residence was forced. In this case, experts recommend realizing the need for this step and taking it. Yes, these are not the changes that were desired, and they will cause inconvenience or pain. But moving is a new page in our lives, an opportunity to look at ourselves in a new way and change something.
Before moving, you should decide on the things you plan to take with you.
A grateful farewell to the past will also help: mentally say thank you to your former home for the pleasant moments associated with it. Usually after this comes a feeling of completion and lightness, with which it is easier to meet new things, no matter how frightening they may be. You can make farewell more tangible - have a party with friends or a farewell tea party.
In the same way, in a new place it makes sense to perform some kind of ritual. It doesn’t matter what it will be - the traditional letting a cat into the apartment, the first tea party or something else. The main thing is that there is internal acceptance of the new place.
Stress from moving in a child
Children, unlike parents, generally do not influence the family’s decision to move; they are simply presented with a fait accompli. For both children and teenagers, such changes in their lives can cause anxiety and protest, especially if their social circle changes dramatically with the move. Joining a new team is not easy even for adults, but they have more experience and more stable self-esteem. When moving to another city, connections with old friends are cut off, contacts have to be established from scratch, the teenager has to re-gain authority among his peers, and get used to a new school. One way to reduce stress is to talk to your child about upcoming changes in a positive way, reminding him of previous successful experiences in similar situations.
Moving with animals
Moving can also be stressful for animals. In a sense, they have the worst time of all, because they cannot prepare for it in advance and understand what is happening. It is better to protect the animal from the turmoil associated with taking things out, and give it to friends or paid foster care on this day - this will be less stressful for the pet. In a new place, pets need to be given time to explore the situation. For dogs, you can hide your favorite treats in different places around the house. During the first time in a new place, the owners must be sure to monitor their pet and prevent its attempts to return to the old house - do not let the dogs off the leash during a walk and do not allow the animals to run out of the apartment.
There are no universal recipes for how to survive a move painlessly. But a positive attitude and a willingness to accept changes in life not as an ordeal, but as new opportunities and new experiences, will help to significantly reduce anxiety and worries. And proper organization of the process will help to avoid unnecessary nervousness and make moving and settling into a new place as quick as possible.
This post will be practical, life-like and very cynical, because there are enough soft, general and not at all life-like publications on this topic on the Internet. Or rather, everything seems to be true, but how to transfer the beautiful and correct words of publications to a completely incorrect life? Unclear...
Well, if suddenly you haven’t read anything about postpartum depression, then two words. It may happen, or it may not. It all depends on your psyche and hormonal characteristics. Well, and a couple of million other factors.
After childbirth, all attention is reoriented from the mother, whose child was inside and was part of her, to the child himself, who is outside and separate. And this sometimes makes us sad and lonely, because we all love attention and the more we love it, the more likely we are to fall under the influence of that same postpartum depression.
And the second point is hormones. It's basically a monkey with a grenade. It’s not at all clear where it will explode... How will they behave after giving birth? How will hormonal balance be restored? How long will it last? And what will you want most after giving birth... to sob uncontrollably, laugh, throw yourself off the roof, or who knows what else... There are more questions here than answers. It is difficult to predict how hormones will behave at this time. In ordinary life, a woman’s hormonal levels turn upside down within a month, and only after giving birth...
So the appearance of postpartum depression does not entirely depend on the woman herself, but its elimination can at least be regulated somehow, so let’s discuss...
And before I speak on the merits, I want to write one thing that will relate to all the points below.
Of course, reading all these tips, any mother of a baby will say first of all... where can I find the time for this? ... and of course, you will be partly right. Time is running out. But you can try. It's simple. Previously, you spent three and a half hours in the bathroom, performing all the procedures, now you have a maximum of seven minutes and that’s the Maximum. It's not half an hour! that's it... forget about it for a while! Stop agonizing over it and try to make the most of those seven minutes.
Although, of course, someone will definitely say... but I don’t even have seven minutes. Come on? Do you have any seeds? What if I find it?!
There is no desire to look for these seven minutes. The established pattern is triggered. It’s still not realistic to free up half an hour, so why bother? Why do I need these seven minutes? Then! More on this below. In general, nothing is unreal, if only there was a desire to find this time. Not half an hour, but at least some time will do.
Let's go
1. Make time for self-care.
I understand that this sounds mega funny. Sometimes, excuse me, there’s no time to go to the toilet, what other time is there to leave?! But nothing is impossible for a person with intelligence :-)
How did you do your manicure before? Right in the salon, drinking coffee. Well, or something different, but long and pleasant. Yes, it’s not possible for a long and pleasant time, but trimming, filing and painting with neutral varnish (so that if it comes off it wouldn’t be so noticeable) it’s possible. It’s not obvious that he’ll get off, I’m not being sarcastic, but it’s true... You only need to find five minutes for this. You can dry the varnish when you are carrying a child, putting it to bed, or just wearing it... well, in general, it’s possible...
And this rule applies to everything! Can’t wash your hair properly, get dressed, straighten your hair, etc.? Just wash it stupidly. This also won’t take much time. Ok, even without conditioner, just wash! It's better than walking around with dirty clothes.
After all, what does a dirty head do? Gives us the opportunity to suffer, qualitatively feeling sorry for ourselves when we look in the mirror. It makes us, in our husband’s eyes, an unwashed scarecrow with a dirty head (let’s be honest, even with the loyalty of the husband, who says... I love you in every way and understand everything). Well, it just gets in the way, because walking with an itchy head is simply not physically pleasant.
In addition to the head, there is also a body that should also be washed. I already wrote about him a little higher. Showering is a must. This includes mood, energy, and physical well-being. And yes... if suddenly it’s not possible at all, then I’ll tell you a secret: if you leave the baby for five minutes and wash yourself, nothing will happen to him. And this is not about “screaming is good for you, Dr. Spock said,” nothing really will happen to the child from this, even if he cries at the time. The main thing is to lay him down or sit him down so that he in no way gets out of where you put him/placed him.
And everyone will have their own mandatory procedures. What were you used to doing all the time before the baby arrived? It would be nice to continue doing all this, but on a smaller scale. Yes, if you spent every day in beauty salons from morning to evening, then you will have a hard time due to the lack of opportunity to continue doing this, but this can also be solved.
You will come to terms with the fact that you used to have the opportunity to visit beauty salons, but now you won’t have it, well, at least for some time. But... this is not a reason to neglect yourself and do nothing at all. If your haircut needs updating, and black/white roots are growing back, think about how to solve this issue. And don’t worry about suffering, no one will solve it for you, neither your husband, nor your mother, no one... the world is full of specialists who can come to your home and do whatever they want with you (by the way, it will often cost less). In the end, neighbor Lena paints herself and will gladly paint you, no one has yet canceled women’s solidarity, she, too, was once on maternity leave with her children. And at this point, as at all others, the idea is the same... better as this than as nothing.
2. Do things that fill you with energy.
Yes, I understand, it’s also funny and almost unrealistic, but... again, three hours a day is not realistic, but ten minutes is possible. And something is better than nothing. Of course, it all depends on the activities themselves, and if you jumped with a parachute, then ten minutes will not save you, but you weren’t the only one doing this?
And if suddenly only this, then it’s time to ask yourself... what else? And it's time to look for answers. What is there that you wanted to do, but couldn’t. A bunch of women's activities that fill you with the right energy. They are all usually based on creativity. Various types of needlework, drawing, cooking. Yes, of course, now someone will say wow... I shot with a rifle in a winter forest, with a parachute, again, and mountaineering in Tibet. Yes, in general it’s easy, but it won’t save you from postpartum depression, but will only skew your hormonal levels even more with the production of adrenaline and the lack of oxytocin and prolactin...
Do you want to come to your senses? Think about what you can do that is creative and feminine. Well, most importantly, not only think, but also do.
3. The same notorious performance,
Option two: learn to get the same pleasure from the process as from the result and start doing work where the results cannot be eaten and nothing can be done with them, they are visible and that’s it.
And here you will have to overcome and force yourself. The point is clear, why should I start knitting a hat if I can only finish it in 268 years? Isn’t that what you think during depression? But it’s worth starting! By doing something every day for 10 minutes, you can get results much faster. Have you tried it? Of course, before there was no reason to do this; there was much more free time, although it seemed that there was none at all. But try it and you will understand that it takes 2 weeks to knit a hat, not 268 years, if you take 10 minutes every day. But two weeks isn’t really that long, is it?
And most importantly, a completely sustainable result. And if you do several things at the same time, the results will appear more often, because at some time you will be able to knit, at some time sew, somewhere to draw and do many different things a little bit at a time. Yes, you can really eat an elephant in pieces.
4. Move/get in shape after pregnancy
I wanted to separate these two points, but they are so interdependent that we are writing together.
Ideally, there should be some kind of physical activity. Exercise, gym/swimming pool/massage (all this, if possible). If not, then just move as much as possible. Blood supply improves, distributing benefits throughout our body and taking away harmful things. We begin to feel better both physically and mentally.
And of course, most women stop being anxious doe during pregnancy. And even if the weight was not gained much, the body still ceases to be the same as it was before pregnancy. It is difficult or impossible to look at yourself in the mirror :-) and here the most important thing is to start doing at least something.
Cognac does not flow under a lying stone, start doing what is possible at the moment, gradually adding what becomes possible over time.
Simple charging at home, charging with the baby at home. If there is someone to look after the child, then you can go to the gym. Once upon a time, by the way, at the same time as me, my mother and father were working out in the gym with a very small baby. We did the same exercises on the machines and during rest they passed the baby to each other like a little sausage :-) he shook the baby’s press, shook the next one, and so on for several approaches. Of course, the option is real when there are two of you and both have the opportunity to go to the gym. And yes... it’s not convenient at all, but when there are no other options, this will do just fine.
Yes, all sorts of passive training in salons is also possible. Everyone chooses their own.
Baby yoga or dynamic gymnastics, by the way, also helps a lot to come to one’s senses; for mothers, this is primarily physical education.
5. Food
It is clear that this is also a banality, but you need to eat normally. Not sandwiches with sausage, but normal! Even if you are breastfeeding, it is possible to eat well.
I personally don’t believe in the nursing mother’s diet, I believe in a reasonable, ordinary, normal diet. And it makes no difference whether you feed or not. You need to eat normally and with your head always!
And yes... most of all, a mother thinks about what she eats when she first starts breastfeeding, that is, during the first three months. What happens in the first three months in the baby's body? That's right, the formation of microflora and the establishment of digestive processes. And almost never children's colic and farting do not depend on what the mother ate. they will still be there, even if mom only eats porridge and potatoes with bread.
Probably everyone has already read and listened to what mother’s milk is actually made from. Yes, from blood and lymph, and not from the food that mom ate! And problems accordingly do not arise from this.
The exceptions are those options when the mother ate something to which her body’s reaction is not very good. Yes, in 9 months the baby has established almost the same microflora as the mother, so it is logical that if you eat stewed cabbage and after it you feel bloated, then the baby will be concerned about the same issue in his intestines. Just don't eat foods that you yourself have problems with.
It is rare to meet mothers who, at half a year or a year, are on a strict diet because the baby has intestinal problems. All this ends in the first three months along with colic.
Allergies are another matter. But here too much comes from the mother’s head, and not from the stomach and the composition of the milk.
More about breastfeeding You can listen to the famous but very intelligent blogger Nina Zaichenko.
6. Slings and time management
Can I take the sling to a separate location? And yes, I understand that at first glance, the sling seems to have nothing to do with postpartum depression (yes, I haven’t forgotten what I’m eating :-)).
But for the second and third... Firstly, the sling frees up a lot of time and opportunities for you. If the baby is accustomed to sitting and being in a sling, then your hands are freed up for some tasks, at least an hour a day, or even 3-4. Of course, you can’t wash your hair with a baby doll attached, but you can prepare a full lunch for yourself.
Secondly, the sling makes you more mobile. You can walk with your baby in a sling everywhere, not just where the stroller will pass. To shopping centers, cafes, all sorts of entertainment things. But aren’t these positive emotions that are so necessary when getting out of depression?
7. Everything passes!
And the last point, but no less important. Yes, everything really goes away. And you don’t even need to remember King David. Everything really goes away.
With children, the thought very often comes to mind... now he will always wake up five times a night to eat until he is 18 years old, sit forever in the arms of adults, these teeth will never stop coming in...
In fact, he will soon stop eating completely at night, the wind will change tomorrow and he will get off his hands again, and his teeth will definitely all come out, and this has a definite time frame.
If you are a mother for the first time, then thoughts like... everything will always be like this now! ...familiar to you. Yes, and probably out of habit, these thoughts come to mind later, but the main thing to remember is that this is just a small stage in life. And it may end tomorrow! And you will never encounter this again!
Yes, if you believe that... this is how it will crawl, then hold on, then it will go and in general it will be screwed! Then... the hell is really going to happen! And it may even be worse than you imagined, because you have been meditating on it for so long.
And if you understand that with a child it will become easier and easier every day, then it will really be easier. Damn, it's true! He becomes more mature, it is easier to entice him with something, to explain something, he can do more on his own, without your help, etc.
Yes, it’s not the situation itself, that mom doesn’t get enough sleep at all (you can substitute anything here), but the thought that now it will be like this forever! No! Will not be! You will sleep more and more! And every day it will be easier and easier!
Although, of course, there will always and everywhere be adherents of mother’s difficulties who will remind you that things will get worse in the future. Ok, they most likely have it, but you will need to cultivate zen for yourself in order to ignore such miracle advice and the miracle advisers themselves.
All difficulties end and you have to believe in it!
But there is one thing, if you do nothing about this very postpartum depression, then there is a chance that it will not go away and will not end... and will even develop into something more unpleasant. So put your feet in your hands and move forward. No one will solve this problem for you, and by the way, no one is even obliged to solve it.
There will always be people who will lament... where is the world going... and there will be those who are bringing this world down. See you in the second category :-)