Georgy Sergatsky
Cheating in love
(From the book “The Wrong Side of Love, or the Experience of Trepanation of Sin...”)
Lust walked, dressed in clothes of love.
E. Evseev
“Whoever writes about it (life - G.S.) respectfully and according to all the rules, remains silent about the greater half of it” (M. Montaigne).
“What is the history of orgasm? The story of the hidden body, the suppressed desires of the flesh, restrained by social prohibitions and moral laws” (R. Muschemble). “The very fact of nature is felt as shameful.” “Shame gradually weakens and is finally completely lost” (V. Soloviev). “This feeling, inherent in a civilized society, performs a certain cultural function.” To hide “certain corners of his life,” man “throws a mysterious veil over even the most natural and most necessary purposes of nature.” “Having transformed the mystery of sex into an inexhaustible spring of physiological and mental pleasure, people could not help but understand the danger of this discovery for civilization. This pleasure could be destructive for a person. Its use should have been controlled. Unlimited sexual stimulation could cause constant arousal in members of the opposite sex, lead to chaotic and hypertrophied sexual relations and ultimately become disastrous for people's health and destructive for the order and organization of society. The restrictions on nudity among some peoples are extremely strict. In South India, for example, there has long been a tradition according to which women should always cover even their mouths. These kinds of prohibitions are very severe for Muslim women” (Sexological Encyclopedia).
"In front of everyone negative consequences for society, economic damage, the pleasures of both parties or the suffering and humiliation of one of them, the duality of relations between men and women towards the opposite and their own sex is striking” (N. Uzlov). “...In love, two opposites meet, two worlds, between which there are no bridges and never can be” (L. Andreas-Salome).
“The truth about love should be sought not in science, not in philosophy, but in poetry, or more precisely, among the great poets, and even then not all of them. Of the myriad of poets and novelists who have written about love, only a few can be found to have a relatively true, sincere and somewhat sober attitude towards this passion. It would seem that it is not difficult to paint a true picture of a phenomenon that is so widespread, but it takes all the genius of great artists, all the thirst for truth inherent in genius, so as not to lie in this tempting case, not to embellish, not to exaggerate. Even great artists, not all of them had a conscience sufficient for this.”
“To study love, you don’t need to turn to many poets: it’s enough to stop at one great one. I will focus on Shakespeare, who, in Pushkin’s words, alone “gave us whole humanity.”
“It should be noted that Shakespeare took his concept of love not from the hands of others, as many poets do, but from nature itself, from his own heart, bloodied by this passion. Among many hobbies, he, says Tan, “had one... - an unhappy, blind, despotic passion, the oppression and shame of which he himself felt and from which he still could not and did not want to free himself. There is nothing sadder than his confession, nothing more characterizing the madness of love and the feeling of human weakness: “When my beloved, says Shakespeare, swears that her love is true, I believe her, although I know that she is lying” (M. Menshikov).
“Love is the only feeling in which everything is true and everything is false” (N. Chamfort). “Your friendly words mean nothing if the body tells you something else” (D. Borg). “Love in the form in which it exists in society (the world) is just a game of two whims and a mutual deception of imaginations” (N. Chamfort). “Love is a game in which both players deceive each other.” Here “sin and shame follow each other as cause and effect” (D. Defoe), and hypocrisy and decency are designed to hide the ugly essence of carnal pleasure. “Being in love begins with a person deceiving himself, and ends with him deceiving another” (O. Wilde). “Love is a game in which one always cheats” (O. Balzac). “Love lives by desire and feeds on deception. It is simply incompatible with the truth” (A. France). “A lie in love is necessary” (I. Guberman).
“No, he doesn’t have a deceitful look,
His eyes don't lie.
They speak truthfully
That their owner is a rogue” (R. Burns).
“Nobody wants to be themselves” (M. Nordau). “Honesty is not characteristic of any person, it is an abiological process” (S. Savelyev). “Falsehood is the most vile vice.” “Light and lust are mortal enemies” (W. Shakespeare).
“A lie has a hundred thousand faces and has no limits” (M. Montaigne). “The cruelest lies are often told in silence” (R. Stevenson).
The “great lie” (B. Shipov) of love begins with overcoming the shame of lust. “A pile of incompatibilities” (A. Sekatsky) dooms a person to “evil deception” (Z. Gippius), to calculated cohabitation with sin. “Why do people tell the truth if it is much more profitable to lie” (L. Wittgenstein). And although, as Ibsen believes, “there is no point in lying to yourself,” it is necessary to cheat so as not to frighten the victim.
It is known that an anecdote is, if not a revelation, then a hint that allows one to draw conclusions.
Armenian radio was asked:
– “What is illusion?
It replied:
- “This is when a man fucks a woman and thinks that he is in seventh heaven, but he himself is two centimeters from his ass...”.
Here, the Armenian radio only hints at the location of the criminal - the offender, both among men, and primarily among them, and among women. We conclude that the criminal is not a w..., but its owner, who uses it in sexual intercourse not for its intended purpose - for physical defecation - but as a means of arousing and maintaining an erection through thoughts of defilement. Since sexual intercourse is nothing more than an exchange of “courtesy” between two crotches, where, in fact, the perpetrators of the crime (two women...) gathered, then behind the evidence, that is, f... as the main argument of “love”, it is not difficult to find and the customer who gets a thrill from it. Thus, the hint from the Armenian radio can be interpreted as proof that the location of f... in absolute proximity to the genitals is not accidental.
Everyone knows that they are deceiving the other, but pretends that they do not know about it, trying to deceive, first of all, themselves. At the same time, he knows that the other knows about his vile thoughts addressed to him and again tries to convince himself that this other has no idea about anything. “But if I know that you know, and you know that I know that you know, etc., then such a charade can no longer be maintained” (S. Pinker). Thus, everyone tries to deceive two witnesses to the crime - themselves, or rather their conscience, and their partner.
What do we see? Here's what!
“...Recreating a “crime, through inferences based on the interpretation of evidence, is not exclusively “rhetorical” - it exposes... the truth...” (S. Žižek). “Since there is no evidence, it is impossible to demonstrate in practice that the individual is incorrigible” (M. Foucault). Your understanding of the essence of sexual love depends on who you consider a woman like her to be - a witness or an accomplice to the crime. The power of voluptuousness is directly proportional to the close cooperation of the customer (imagination) with the direct performers of the action, up to the interaction of the body ... “with the most informative part of the body” (D. Simons) - with human face as the embodiment of personality. As a result, those copulating, making the bodily movements necessary to obtain pleasure from the humiliation of the object of “love,” reveal themselves as scoundrels.
Truthfulness in love would be an incident. “Women can freely enter into friendship with a man, but in order to maintain it, a small dose of physical antipathy must be introduced” (F. Nietzsche). A woman derives pleasure mainly from the demonstration of a naked woman..., enjoying the nakedness of the evidence. Otherwise, why does she need all this: “once she stops blushing, she will never blush again” (D. Diderot). Similar pleasure is also not alien to men, which does not at all indicate the femininity of their nature.
“What kind of love is there if lust sits within me, which is nothing more than the appetite of my crotch, eager to desecrate beauty? Sex appeal has one measure - the strength of an erection, inspired by pictures of the attempt on the beautiful, lofty, worthy by my possessed ass... Only my ass knows who to love. The trick of “French love” is the possibility of outpouring the “abyss of the soul” of “courtesy” of the private parts in relation to the person of another. The crotch of my beloved is sweet to me, but I do not forget about the filth that my imagination draws when, expressing my immeasurable “love,” I demonstrate mine to her” (Litmus test) 1.
The sexuality of men and women, along with homo... and other things, in their own way hidden essence cannot be fundamentally different. “It should be clear... that the “soul”... has a feminine character in a man and a masculine character in a woman” (C. Jung). The separation of the sexes is not absolute. “...Libido can be both feminine and masculine.” “Moving the female genital area in a male manner clearly betrays the active quality of the feeling of satisfaction” (P. Federn). “The weaker partner can only become the obedient servant of the stronger, placing the genitals at his disposal” (S. Blackburn). At the same time, it is generally accepted that “a man is aroused by what he does with a woman, and not by what she does with him; a woman is aroused by what a man does to her, and not by what she does to him” (E. Berne). However, physiologically determined female masochism, in contrast to male aggressiveness and sadism, is harmless only in appearance. The range of associations she imagines for desecrating the personality of a loved one differs as little from men’s as the number of openings for defecation varies between the sexes, the successful location of which we owe to orgasm. The default catch associated with the shamefulness of anal-genital power over another is inevitable and reciprocal in full sexual intercourse. “What is striking when analyzing the feeling that many consider “love” is that it turns out to be self-deception and turns into hatred. And vice versa, especially for women, love means suffering, but sadistic motives are also hidden in this masochistic love” (D. Reigold).
“Lust comes from the body, love comes from the mind. But people do not know their consciousness, and this misunderstanding goes on and on - their bodily lust is considered love” (Osho). This means that the depravity of mutual intentions and the immorality of what happens during “love making” is no secret to most, including women: “love is the strangest and most illogical thing in the world” (D. Smith) ; “sex is a dirty business, save it for the one you love” (E. Perel).
“Men underestimate women's aversion to sexual aggression” (Cats de Vries). “Persistent advances quickly give way to sexual aggression and violence. Since any copulation is not a manifestation of love, “the rapist is forced to remain silent and gets used to cheating” (J. Bataille). The reason is that “at the basis of admiration lies all the horror of lust and lust. Men make madonnas out of women, but cannot ignore their sexual needs. Accordingly, they inevitably desecrate the Garden of Eden” (F. Tellis).
“...Presentation of feelings is natural for us, but concealment requires significant effort” (L. Mlodinov). “Women deceive to hide their feelings, men - to show feelings that do not exist” (A. de Monterlant). “Love... on the one hand is bestiality, and on the other is ceremony” (P. Brückner).
It is obvious that intrigues with the aim of taking possession of another body are, first of all, a way of hiding something shameful. “The beast in us must be deceived. Morality is an internal lie without which he would tear us to pieces” (F. Nietzsche). If “man is the quintessence of dust” (W. Shakespeare), then his sexual act is the quintessence of meanness2; and, as we see, regardless of gender.
“A lie brings endless torment to the soul and body” (Sh. Rustaveli). “The theory of psychoanalysis reveals a pig in every person, a pig saddled with consciousness. The unfortunate result: the pig is uncomfortable under this well-meaning rider. But the rider is no better: his task is not only to rule the pig, but also to make it invisible” (S. Lem).
“The devil is endlessly inventive, and sex is his favorite topic. He is ready to catch you at every step, both through generous romance or tender motives, and through other baser animal instincts.” He fools with “flattering sympathy, sweetly seasoned with sexual excitement” (D. Tolkien). “Be careful about who you want to appear to be. We are who we want to appear to be” (K. Vonnegut).
“I entered the forest and listened to the singing of birds.
They don’t have eternal delays, subterfuges, hooks and quotation marks.
They are not human beings, my dear, no, they are not human beings” (W. Auden).
Pastorally. "Love... presupposes justice." “Human morality cannot be based only on utility, it must turn to justice. Justice seeks recognition of the non-consumer value of the individual: at this point, “justice” is especially clearly contraindicated to pure “utility.” Moreover, in the sexual sphere it is not enough to state that this method behavior is “useful”, another thing is important - is it “fair”?”
“External manifestations of tenderness can create the appearance of love that does not actually exist. A male seducer, as a rule, resorts to a variety of tenderness, just as a female coquette tries to play on feelings, although in both cases there is no true love of the individual” (John Paul II).
Scientifically. “Nowhere in the history of culture can we find naturalness as such in relation to the sexual sphere.” "...For human beings it turns out to be completely unnatural to behave “naturally” in relation to one’s physical nature” (M. Jacobi). " Characteristic feature erotic desire is a feeling of going beyond what is permitted, of overcoming the prohibition present in all sexual contacts, a prohibition that stems from the Oedipal structure of sexual life. This feeling takes many forms, and the simplest and most universal of them is the violation of traditional social restrictions imposed by society on the open display of intimate parts of the body and the feeling of sexual arousal” (O. Kernberg).
3 chosen
Of course you can! We have big, capacious hearts, and there is an unlimited amount of love hidden in them - there is enough for everyone. We love our husband and our friends, brothers and sisters, children and parents, cats and dogs. Another question is when we feel love for two people at once in the same, romantic way. Here it’s time to stop and think: is everything going as it should? Let's figure out whether it is possible to love two people at once, and what feelings may be hidden under this.
Love as a choice
Sometimes behind a phrase "I love two" there is a reluctance to make a choice. For example, a girl who has two boyfriends cannot decide who she likes more, and in the end she claims that she loves both. She loves Sasha because he is attentive and understanding, and Pasha for his hooligan look and the fact that he plays the guitar wonderfully. Only this is not true love, but an attempt to mold an ideal from two imperfect options. And there is much more reason here than emotions.
In my opinion, Nadya from "Ironies of Fate". A lonely woman was choosing between Ippolit (a reliable, sensible man, ready to get married, but also a rare bore) and Zhenya Lukashin (a mother’s son with the habits of an alcoholic, afraid of weddings more than anything else in the world, but unpredictable and plays the guitar). So the heroine rushes between two unattractive options.
Therefore, psychologists sometimes advise: if you cannot sort out your feelings for two different people, break up with both. Because you don't really like either option.
Love for change
In fact, loving two different people Can. It will just be completely different feelings. For example, you feel tenderness and affection for one partner, but passion connects with the other. This can happen at the beginning of a relationship if it is not completely full and does not satisfy various human needs. But, if we are committed to long and honest relationship, this is a dead end path. When you share your feelings between two people, you don't become truly close to either of them.
Sometimes such splitting can occur in long term relationship. Similar stories often shown in romantic films, they often happen in life. For example, a woman and her husband are connected by love and affection; she appreciates him for his care, protection and tenderness. But the former passion and intensity of emotions in the relationship is long gone. And so she falls in love with another man, with whom she experiences the fullness of her feelings. She cannot choose and is really sure that she loves both of them, although she has different feelings for them. It’s difficult to give advice here; a decision can only be made by a person who finds himself in this situation. But you need to take into account: love and passion are short-lived feelings. But true love, tenderness and partnership in a relationship is a great success. In my opinion, such things are not worth risking.
Self love
But sometimes, underneath the love for two people lies the only true love. And a person experiences this feeling... towards himself. To be honest, we women often like it when people look after us, give us compliments, and show attention. It lifts your spirits and improves your self-esteem. But it's another matter when a person tries to maintain a relationship with two people because of possessive instincts. Or because he likes it when people fight for him. We are not talking about love here - only pride. After all, such a person makes his partners suffer. And if we love someone, we don't want to hurt them.
In my opinion, the heroine of the Russian film experienced similar feelings "Hearts of Three" Leoncia in relation to Francis and Henry. Throughout the film she maneuvers between young people in love with her, trying to keep both of them. Well, this is convenient: two handsome men love you, protect you and, if necessary, are ready to give their lives for you. It’s just not very fair to them.
Another example: almost all the characters in the novel experience similar feelings. Fitzgerald"The Great Gatsby". Daisy seems to love Gatsby, but does not want to lose her husband either; her husband Tom has possessive feelings for both his wife and his mistress. But in all these stories there is more selfishness than love. The only character who knows exactly who he loves is Gatsby himself.
Love as inspiration
I know people who just need to fall in love sometimes. And they definitely practice this once every year or two. Falling in love gives them new interest to life and an impetus for development. At the same time, they themselves do not take this feeling seriously and remain faithful wives or husbands.
For them, falling in love is a game with their own subconscious. They don’t even want to get to know the object of their sudden feelings closer - because then it will be easy to be disappointed. They do not begin to treat their spouses worse and are well aware that all this love is just a figment of their imagination. Well, people want to periodically experience vivid feelings. Let it be for fun. This game is probably dangerous in its own way. But of all the previous ones, it is the most harmless.
Be that as it may, feelings for two people are quite a difficult situation. And, most likely, it will not bring happiness to anyone.
Do you think it is possible to love two different people?
Love. How many feelings and emotions are associated with this? in a simple word. Every person. There are so many people, so many varieties of love in our world. After all, everyone feels and sees it in their own colors and shades, and as a result, not everyone knows how to understand whether you love a person or not? After all, people sometimes cannot describe this feeling in words, cannot draw it in a picture, cannot play it musical instrument, they can’t dance... And if someone managed to do it, they showed only a small part of their great feeling.
How to understand that you truly love someone
¨ Excitement. When a loving person appears, you begin to worry for no reason. As a result, you may drop your cup or see your hands shaking wildly. You can't string words together into one sentence;
¨ Skin pigmentation. Without knowing it, you may feel awkward and blush. Even standing in a cool room. But each person has individual skin pigmentation and its manifestations are individual. Your cheeks may turn red, only your ears may turn red, or, on the contrary, you may turn pale in front of everyone;
¨ Conversations and thoughts. Don't know how to understand whether you love a person? You are in love if you constantly talk about your object of adoration. His image does not leave your thoughts. When you try on this or that outfit, you definitely think about whether he will like it. Can you imagine? different situations with your participation in the leading role;
communication. When you talk to him, you like his voice. You write to him very often, sometimes even too much. You expect a response to the stupidest messages, even those that have no text. In conversation you often use the word “We” rather than “I” and “he”. It's rare to call him by his name. “Trying on” his last name;
¨ Magnet. You are completely, completely, constantly drawn to him. You can tell if you love a person by the fact that you always strive to be where he is. Do you often meet “by chance” in different places. Sometimes you just don’t understand how this meeting could happen, but your heart knows which paths to take;
¨ Recoil. You want to give everything to your loved one. Nothing worries you except your general happiness and its pleasure. You are ready to make any sacrifice for the sake of well-being in a relationship, and you react to any of his whims with dignity.
You can understand that you love a person with the help of folk wisdom. One of them says that when people are in love, they often quarrel, but when they are in love, quarrels become a rare occurrence. It takes a lot of strength for love to remain in your hearts, but even more strength is needed to recognize this love. Don't miss the chance to love the one and only person who will become your whole world. Love and be loved!
How to understand what it is: love, sympathy or infatuation?
If you ask any person what the word “love” means, there will probably be a great many definitions for this word. Love can define one’s attitude toward one’s homeland, one’s favorite food, surrounding objects, favorite animals, and so on. However, the most common association with the word "love" is emotional condition person and expression of feelings. It is difficult to understand whether you love a person. Love or habit? Sympathy or passion?
Sympathy
Feelings of sympathy can be experienced for a long time, however, it is more typical for friends. That is why you need to decide on what exactly your love for your chosen one is based. Do you have a willingness to support a person, to help him in difficult moments of life? if you have common interests and worldview, you will probably feel sympathy for the person, which can then develop into something more serious.
Sexual attraction
If you feel that in the presence of your chosen one you are experiencing sexual attraction, get excited, then, most likely, you are burning with passionate love for him and you have to understand that you love the person or not. Most often, love is a consequence of the search for something new, bright emotions and adventures.
Set of common interests
The combination of common interests and sexual attraction most likely indicates that you feel romantic love for your chosen one. This is the most wonderful period of a relationship, but, as practice shows, only young couples can have such a long period.
IN serious relationship passion is far from being the leading emotion. The level of your desire will help you understand that you love a person or not yet. It would be absurd for you to confess your love to a person just because you are sexually attracted to him. This kind of “love” does not bode well. For the sake of bliss in bed, you will have to endure literally everything from your loved one.
Friends, lovers and like-minded people at the same time
As you know, there is no love without friendship. Therefore, for true love it is very important to become a friend, lover and ally to your partner at the same time. Moreover, the desire to become more than lovers must be mutual. Striving for eternal love when partners are ready to keep it forever - that’s true love.
Addiction
How can you understand whether you love a person and not become dependent on that person? One must be able to avoid emotional sadism. If you think that at least someone must be next to you, these are signs of false love.
Jealousy
Jealousy never leads to real feelings. Jealous people for the most part are just egoists who want to dominate their partner.
How to understand that this is love
Aristotle offered a profound analysis of love. He knew how to understand that you love a person. When we experience happiness from the presence of another person, he said, it is simply a disposition towards him. True love occurs when we long for someone who is absent and want that person to be there. Further, true love is expressed in both affection and intimate relationships, not just affection alone.
Love is psychological important need. If you were to count how many hours people spend making themselves attractive to the opposite sex by flirting, dating, courting, arranging marriages, having sex and dreaming about love or sex, it would add up to a significant percentage of many people's lives . If you add listening to music, looking at works of art and admiring beauty, then this share would be much higher.
You can tell if you love a person through sexual desire. Freud said that inside every person there is an animal that contains within itself the impulses characteristic of animals for unbridled sex. If the animal inside us were ever to break free, it would end in chaos and the destruction of society.
How to appreciate your love
Our test will help you understand whether you love a person or not. Your need for love is very high if any of the following statements are fundamentally true:
1. To achieve love, you spend a significant amount of time compared to friends of about the same age.
2. You have had many sexual encounters with many partners.
3. You find it difficult to control your sexual impulses.
4. Compared to most people you know, you devote much more time to communicating with beauty.
Your need for love is low if any of the following statements are true in principle:
1. You spend little time having sex or thinking about it.
2. You believe sex is disgusting.
Love is an extremely subjective feeling and concept, but everyone who has fallen into its network can confidently say that there is nothing more beautiful and desirable in the world. However, how not to be mistaken in your feelings and recognize the first “symptoms” of love fever? It's no secret that infatuation, infatuation, passion and love have similar characteristics. And it is extremely difficult to see the difference, because the difference lies deep inside us. How to understand whether you still love a person or not? Let's answer a few important issues and we will understand what is hidden behind the irresistible craving for the chosen one.
First of all, you need to think about why this question arose in the first place. Where did this idea come from? It's quite simple. At the beginning of a relationship, when a candy-bouquet romance “blooms and smells”, the girl or guy does not doubt at all own feelings– we are firmly convinced that we love this person!
However, after a few months (or weeks) pink glasses subside, and the lover begins to wonder how his chosen one corresponds to the ideal. Are emotions real? Maybe it's just sympathy? IN in this case feelings recede into the background, and the calculating mind is in the center. He seeks to cool the fervor of our emotions, taking care, among other things, of a heart that may break. The voice of reason is a good phenomenon, indicating a healthy human psyche.
The concept of “love” is unique and individual, since everyone loves in their own way. However common features inherent in all people without exception: love is something good, warm, expensive, associated with a feeling of comfort when your chosen one is nearby.
Signs of love
Finding out whether you really love a person is not always easy or simple. What to do? Take off your rose-colored glasses and try to look at your own relationships from the outside with maximum honesty. There is no need to listen to friends and “well-wishers”! So, the symptoms of true love:
- Unselfishness. Real love- a selfless feeling. If a man or woman is looking for benefits, constantly waiting for the chosen one to do something for him or, especially, help him financially, there is no need to talk about love. These are not emotions, but use.
- Sexual attraction. Can true love exist without sex? It’s difficult to say, since everyone hears about so-called platonic love, which does not imply physical contacts. However, many psychologists are confident that love is always combined with sexual attraction, which is completely natural. Along with the desire to possess, a person in love wants to see and hear the chosen one, to be close just like that, not because of the satisfaction of “animal” instincts.
- Unconditional acceptance. To love is to accept a partner with all his advantages and disadvantages. A person in love does not seek to remake the chosen one to suit his patterns. Do you want to change something about your dear friend? Most likely, this is not love.
- Confidence. The ability to trust a loved one is an important indicator true love. If you are used to sharing your problems and joys with your partner, you are not afraid that you will not be understood or laughed at, this is SHE. Incomplete trust is one of the signs that you still do not love this person.
- Consistency. True love differs from falling in love in that it is not influenced by any external circumstances. For example, if relatives and friends oppose the chosen one, loving person will defend his opinion and feeling. In addition, real emotions do not change plus to minus, even if the partner turned out to be far from perfect.
- Sacrifice. Love implies a willingness to sacrifice oneself for the sake of the one whom the heart considers the best person in the world. Sacrifice does not imply the desire to receive anything in return, the most important thing is moral satisfaction from the happiness of a loved one.
Several ways to understand if you are in love
Of course, we would need some kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether it is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.
Method No. 1. Test
Can't understand your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:
- Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, do you want to wish him pleasant dreams?
- Are you trying to make him happy?
- Do you feel good and calm next to your chosen one?
- When you think about him, smile, blush and get excited?
- Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
- Do you consider him the most the best man(woman)?
- You know about all his shortcomings, but continue to accept him for who he is?
- Does being separated from him for a long time worry you?
If you answered a confident “yes” to all the questions, congratulations, your feelings are sincere. If you feel unsure about the answers, it’s worth thinking about it. Remember that the test should be taken in your normal state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.
Method number 2. Pros and cons
Common psychological method– divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down positive and negative qualities your chosen one. So you can get yours real attitude to him and a vision of his personality.
Analyze the number of pros and cons. What is your loved one made of? Advantages or disadvantages? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good attitude to a partner.
Method number 3. Meditation
Sit more comfortably in a soft chair, on pleasant to the body carpet - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions or extraneous thoughts. It is easier to enter a “trance” by focusing on your own breathing.
Having calmed down and detached yourself from extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? How do you feel? Do you want to come up, kiss, hug, or run away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of your loved one appears.
Method number 4. “He is no more”
Quite cruel, but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (no need to get hung up on this idea). Or perhaps you've never dated at all. What are you thinking about? Are such representations comfortable? Or maybe they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of a thing or person when we no longer possess it. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.
Love or affection?
Another common question: how can you understand whether you love a person or is it just affection? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions are almost never found. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, affection - we experience all this at the same time, but only in different proportions.
As we said above, important feature true love is considered selfless care. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence from a chosen one or partner.
The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes the suffering experienced by dependent person. If attachment is accompanied special feelings, which deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.
So, figure out your true emotions and experiences are sometimes quite difficult. But if you are firmly convinced of the correctness of your own choice, you should not doubt your chosen one. Love is the most beautiful feeling that should be enjoyed, especially if it is mutual. Love and be loved!
Hello, I am Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully studied at SUSU for special psychologist, devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and consulting parents on raising children. I use the experience gained, among other things, in creating articles of a psychological nature. Of course, I in no way claim to be the truth. last resort, however, I hope that my articles will help dear readers deal with any difficulties.
Incredible facts
Whether a person is really in love or his passion is just an object of lust and passion can be determined by scientific research. Scientists are convinced that there are so-called “symptoms” that reveal loving people.
Experts have discovered that The brain of a lover is different from the brain of a person experiencing simple sexual attraction. The brain of a person in a long-term serious relationship also has its own distinctive features.
Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, is one of the leading experts on the study biological foundations love. Fisher held whole line studies that have proven that the brain is "in love" is something special, and that there are 13 clear signs that a person is in love.
Feeling in love
1. He/she is special
When a person is in love, he thinks that his other half is special. The lover is incapable of having such romantic feelings for anyone else.
Fisher and her colleagues came to the conclusion that this is happening thanks to increased level central dopamine, a substance that is located in the human brain and is involved in the focus of attention.
Idealization of man
2. He/she is ideal
People who are truly in love, as a rule, see exclusively positive traits their lover and are not able to notice his shortcomings. Their attention is focused on memorable events, gifts associated with the object of love.
Scientists explain this by the fact that in the brain there actually are special reactions, the concentration of some substances becomes significantly higher when a person has a stimulus in the form of a loved one.
Love or Addiction
3. Feeling overwhelmed
As you know, falling in love often leads to emotional and physical instability. If you experience the following symptoms: excitement, euphoria, increased energy, insomnia, loss of appetite, trembling, heart palpitations, rapid breathing, as well as feelings of anxiety and panic, then this almost certainly means that you are in love.
Such emotions greatly exhaust a person and knock him out of his usual rut. Scientists compare the feeling of falling in love with a drug-induced state.
Love is one of the most strong addictions, which is as difficult to get rid of as alcohol or drugs.
4. Overcome problems together
The likelihood of developing romantic feelings increases sharply when two people go through some difficult ordeal together. Research shows that dopamine-producing neurons become more productive during these times.
Obsession with a person
5. Obsession with a love object
Experts have calculated that a person in a state of love spends more than 85 percent of his thoughts thinking about the object of his passion. This state is similar to obsession.
Scientists talk about a decrease in the level of central serotonin in the human brain, which entails the so-called obsessive - compulsive disorder psyche.
6. The desire to always spend time with your loved one
People in love tend to show a certain dependence on the relationship; the desire to be close to their beloved is a completely understandable feeling.
Always together always close
7. The desire to be together forever
Often, lovers like to dream about a cloudless future together. First of all, girls often paint joyful pictures about how happy they will be until the moment “until death do them part.”
8. Confidence that “you can move mountains for the sake of a loved one.”
People in love also tend to overestimate themselves. They often feel so strong that they think they are ready to do anything for their significant other.
They are also characterized by a certain kind of sacrifice, that is, they are ready to sacrifice everything so that their loved one feels good.
Try to please
9. Try to please your loved one
Lovers have a desire to please their other half, even to the point that he appreciates the outfit, hairstyle, and cooked food. You want your loved one to be satisfied with the actions that you perform for his sake.
10. Not being sure you're the only one
When a person experiences truly strong feelings for his other half, he wants to be the one and only for his passion.
However, along with sexual attraction to a lover, jealousy and a sense of ownership begin to appear. Often a partner begins to be suspected of infidelity, even when there is no reason.
Scientists explain this behavior as a result of human evolution, when a male tends to drive away other males so that the partner belongs exclusively to him.
11. Not just sex
Although sexual attraction is one of the most strong feelings person, emotional aspect love is also important. The study found that 64 percent of couples surveyed disagreed with the statement that “sex is the most important part of any relationship.”
It is worth noting that not only women, but also men say that the emotional aspect is no less important. Therefore, you should not assume that men only need sex.
12. Loss of self-control
Usually those around them begin to notice changes in behavior occurring in the person who has fallen in love. Sometimes the passion of a lover is simply uncontrollable. Friends and colleagues begin to notice some loss of control over themselves.
Spark of love
13. The spark appears and goes out
Love is not always a feeling for years or a lifetime. Psychologists say that very often people confuse the concepts of love and affection. Experts call such codependent relationships a simple habit. Love is tested by time and distance.