Typically, a liar wants something from you. The need to lie causes unconscious stress in a person. If the topic of conversation directly concerns both interlocutors, specific questions should not irritate the respondent. This, of course, does not apply to the situation in which you “stick your nose into other people’s affairs” and show curiosity about someone else’s personal space. What should you be wary of in the speech of a person who is lying to you?

• evasive answers to direct questions;
• reluctance to discuss the details of a topic or matter;
• answering questions with questions;
• phrases: “It’s not important”, “Why do you need this?” and similar excuses;
• flood, a flow of unnecessary information and reasoning on extraneous topics instead of a specific answer to a simple question;
• emotional reactions and responses in which hidden or obvious irritation is felt;
• Freudian slips.

Physiological signs

If a person lies, this affects his physiological state. What physiological reactions are typical for a person who lies?

• Often, a person who tells a lie will have a dry mouth; therefore, he will unconsciously touch his throat, lips, face, swallow, or grab a glass of water.
• A liar often blushes, feeling guilty and internally ashamed. If he is afraid of exposure, he may become unnaturally pale.
• Breathing while voicing false information may become more frequent, deeper, and before answering the person will frantically strive to take in more air into the lungs.
• In response to a question, a liar may blink frequently, which indicates a state of stress and a feverish selection of answers that are more or less similar to the truth.
• In men, in the process of lying, the Adam's apple may move convulsively, and the neck muscles may become tense, and this can be seen with the naked eye.
• The fact that there is a liar in front of you can be indicated by sudden sweating; the person may “break into a sweat.”

Behavioral signs

A person who has nothing to hide is open and relaxed during a conversation. A liar, on the contrary, is tense, trying with all his might to isolate himself from direct questions and direct gaze. A number of oddities in the behavior of your counterpart should alert you.

• Before answering, the interlocutor looks away, and after answering, most often, he looks carefully into the eyes, as if trying to understand whether they believe him or not.
• When hiding the truth, people instinctively use unconscious defense tactics. An insincere interlocutor strives to distance himself during a conversation, creates material “barriers” - for example, he can bury his face in a book, hide behind a computer, turn half-turn, crossing his legs and defiantly crossing his arms crosswise on his chest, put a briefcase between himself and you, or some other - another item.
• In response to a question, a liar may reach for a glass of water or a cup of coffee to take a sip or two, cough or light a cigarette. This provides a pause during which options for untruthful answers are considered.
• If the questions concern personal relationships, the interlocutor may show indignation, jump up, walk back and forth, aimlessly shift objects from place to place, and fiddle with the details of his clothing.

It should be borne in mind that slightly inappropriate behavior can be provoked by pressure and tactlessness, this especially applies to situations related to a showdown. In a business conversation, such behavior may indicate that a person is hiding the truth or giving false information.

When analyzing a person’s behavior during a conversation, do not “go too far.” Perhaps a person’s stress is caused by strong natural shyness or your aggressive position, psychological pressure or an unfamiliar environment. In any case, one cannot judge by one or two signs, but only by their totality. An experienced fraudster controls himself much better, and in this case it is more difficult to determine who is in front of you - a potential partner or a deceiver who will only bring trouble. In the question of “to believe or not to believe,” rely on your intuition and observation.

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: There are people who like to tell the truth. Everyone. No request. Tell someone that her legs are crooked, someone that she’s a bad cook, someone that she should go to a psychologist. Most often such people are women; men are more indifferent to details.

Stop telling everyone the truth about everything

There are people who like to tell the truth. Everyone. No request. Tell someone that her legs are crooked, someone that she’s a bad cook, someone that she should go to a psychologist. Most often such people are women, men are more indifferent to details. Although I know one man who has what is on his mind and on his tongue. And he regularly says to his subordinates:

• You've gotten old somehow

• Your hair is stupid

• You look like you're drunk

• You're kind of fat

• Your dress is terrible

And so on. And everything is in between. First about work - then such a compliment - and then again about work. His employees are, of course, shocked. And who wouldn’t be shocked by this? Although in some ways he is right. In my own way.

Is this kind of truth-telling compatible with femininity? What about harmony? Love? As a person who struggles with truth-telling within himself, I will say - definitely not. Doesn't fit at all.

Telling the truth is important. But the vector should always be directed towards itself. Tell the truth about yourself. Because you don’t know the truth about others and you can’t know. Before you condemn someone, you need to go through his path from beginning to end. To understand and pass through yourself.

When we forget that the truth is only important about ourselves, different things happen. Scandals, quarrels, misunderstandings.

A wife who describes her husband's responsibilities is right in everything. And he speaks the truth. But the relationship is destroyed. Because that's not the truth she should care about.

The mother who gives her daughter feedback that her new boyfriend is an idiot is right and telling the truth. But does this improve her relationship with her daughter? Does this make the mother more respectable and trustworthy in her daughter's eyes?

A friend who, in response to your tears, diagnoses you and tries to therapy you without asking, is also unlikely to remain your friend for long. Because it is difficult, impossible to communicate with such people. Like in a minefield, don’t say anything unnecessary so as not to run into trouble.

What about with strangers? It's all the same with them. She told the truth and moved on. If you don't know about karma, it looks beautiful. But if we remember that all the feelings of other people will return to us, it becomes clear that it will not pass.

Trolls who think their comments online will go unpunished are mistaken. There is a higher justice, and every tear of another person will be returned to you. From another place, but will return. Everything is accurate in the universe.

Every time I started telling the truth to someone or got involved in such clarifications, I always got hit in the face. Illnesses – yours and your children’s, quarrels with your husband, financial losses. I didn’t always correlate one and the other.

There was a period in my life when, having read a lot about psychology, I “treated” everyone. I told my friends what problems they had with mom and dad, what complexes they had. Sometimes it was shocking. A friend comes to put up wallpaper, and I “treat” her in between times.

Did it have an effect? No. Because resistance turned on in the person. And even my very good “truth” did not reach me. And the truth is, it always seems good and correct. To the one who wants to express it. But for the one to whom it is spoken, it is most often painful and unpleasant. Therefore, such truth-telling destroys relationships.

What is the general purpose of this behavior? Why do we want to tell everyone the truth? And to whom do we say it more often than others?

1. Pride. If I catch someone else doing something, then I become cooler. If I tell someone else something that he doesn’t see, I’ll be smarter, cooler and all that. I'll feed my false ego. I will be like the Lord God.

2. The desire to increase your self-esteem. And the more important in a certain environment a person about whom I “know” the truth is, the more points of self-esteem I can get. Therefore, they usually attack famous people (Vasya Pupkin is usually indifferent to everyone). And in our marathon only the most popular ones are attacked.

3. Envy.Usually, the more envy I have of someone, the more truth I want to tell about him. It’s not immediately obvious what exactly I envy, but it’s always there.

4. Negative emotions. In order to become happy, you need to get rid of the accumulated burden of negativity in your heart. But how? What if there is no culture of conveying emotions? If you can’t block it inside? If astrological exacerbations occur, when does it pour out everywhere? I have to pour it out. Where it seems safe. On the Internet, for example. Fill different sites with your bile, for example. So feminists go to my site and curse at me, foaming at the mouth. They just want to be happy.

5. Own pain Not everyone wants to tell the truth. And to someone specific, in a specific situation. Why? Yes, because it resonates strongly. You can already think about it, fantasize, and draw conclusions. Only the conclusions will be about me, and not about the one to whom I say this.

6. The myth that being right brings happiness.

Where does this idea come from? That he is only happy if he wins. And winning always means that someone will lose. Someone needs to be defeated by me for me to be happy. But this model is not for women. It’s not a woman’s business to win. We must learn to love. And love and rightness are too conflicting concepts.

Right to Ignorance

Each of us has the right to ignorance. If you see something bad in a person, this is not a reason to open his eyes. Everyone has the right not to know. Do not see. Everyone has it. By depriving a person of such a right, you create a conflict. So stop giving unsolicited advice to others.. Stop psychotherapy without asking. Stop telling everyone the truth about everything.

Most women who are offended by their mothers are offended precisely for this. Because their right to ignorance was trampled upon. That they were constantly given feedback on the principle of “who else will tell you!” About crooked legs, big ears, crappy character, laziness.

It is this desire to be right that infuriates most men in their wives. Tell the truth so that the last word remains with her, argue, prove. Any man can be driven to breakdown by such behavior. Anyone. If you prove for every reason that he is wrong, poke him into shortcomings, shortcomings and responsibilities. This can destroy any relationship.

Because each of us has the right not to know. When we want to know something, we can ask. Ask for advice. Ask for feedback. And sometimes we do this. But only with those people who do not tell the truth for any reason or without. We will only come for advice to those we trust and respect. These are completely different people.

Which allow others to be different. Which allow others to make mistakes. They accept and forgive. Even if they see what could be improved and changed.

A wife will achieve great changes in her husband if she stops talking about his shortcomings and focuses on his strengths. A mother who gives her daughter a sense of emotional security will remain her best friend. A daughter who accepts her mother as she is will one day be able to feel how her mother loves her.

But what to do if the truth is seething inside and demands to be expressed right here and now? Directly to this person?

I want to reassure you - we are all sick. And if the truth is seething inside you and wants to speak out, then it's about you. And not about the person to whom you express this. That is, it’s worth stopping and thinking - why do you want to tell this particular truth and this particular person? What does this say about me?

Because if you speak out, you will receive aggression. Hidden or overt, it depends on the relationship with the person and his internal capabilities to work with aggression. And this aggression towards you is justified. Because you are depriving a person of the right to ignorance.

But with us it’s usually like this: I’ll tell you the truth, and let you accept and reflect. Or don't accept it, it's up to you. My job is to dump everything out of myself that is bothering me, and you sort it out yourself. And what usually gets in the way is that it doesn’t smell very good, so we overwhelm everyone around with such things. But if we get aggression in response, then that means I was right. I am white fluffy, and you are twice bad. You need to change, work on yourself.

Not this way. Still not like that. With my truth-telling, I take away your right to ignorance, because something bad is seething inside me. And it’s seething because it’s MINE. My trauma, my dirt. Not yours. You are a tool. Mirror. And when I take this right away from you, you show aggression. And I deserve it. Not because I hit the mark, but because that’s who I am. All my truth was not about you, but about me.

And there is no need to delve into other people's lives, who deserves what. Let's delve only into ours. How I destroy relationships and worsen my life in general with my truth-telling. What do I constantly see in others that is really about me?. Let's remember that the worst kind of pride is accusing others of being proud. Looks nice though. And the most “trump” manipulation is to accuse the other of manipulation.

Therefore, let's learn to see the logs in our own eyes, and not poke others at their straws. We are girls after all.

And of course, a question arises. But we also have the right to tell the truth whenever we want? If they have the right not to hear, doesn't that mean I don't have the right to speak? But here it is useful to remember that our freedom ends where the freedom of another begins. You shouldn’t go to someone else’s monastery with your own rules.

Although there are people who can do this. And it will be for the benefit of both. Who can speak the truth without asking others?

1. Wife to husband. If she serves him. If she respects him, honors him. If she is faithful to him. And if she says all this softly and tenderly. With love. At the right time and in the right circumstances. That's how many conditions there are.

2. Husband to wife. If he gives her protection on all levels. If he cares about her. If he says it softly and with love. If he respects and appreciates her.

3. Parents– provided that they provide protection to their child, including emotional protection. If there is trust and respect between parent and child. Then, by choosing the form of presentation, you can tell the truth.

4. Mentor. Provided that the person chose the mentor himself and trusted him. Even a psychologist or astrologer has no right to tell a person what he was not asked about, can you imagine?

But here too the form is important. If the truth is spoken with love in the heart, it is easier to accept. It cannot be rejected because it is out of love. And not out of pride, envy, anger, or the desire to be cooler. This kind of truth heals. Only like this. And I have seen teachers who know how to communicate with the world in such a way. But they can only do this because they have love inside them. Love, not everything else. Love that comes from Above.

The price for truth-telling is enormous. Broken relationships, negative emotions of people around, inability to develop and progress. Inability to love. The inability to truly open your heart.

For me this price is too high. But everyone ultimately chooses for themselves whether to be right or to be happy. Happy people don’t prove anything to anyone, don’t teach anyone about life, and don’t give advice without asking. published. If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the experts and readers of our project .

Lying is a common communicative phenomenon in the modern world. Scientific studies and surveys show that people lie every day. However, lying every day, people do not know how to understand that a person is lying.

Only a “professional” liar and manipulator knows how to regulate his behavior so that others do not discover his deception. Psychologists and physiognomists are able to detect lies by observing a person. But everyone can learn to recognize deception.

There are many definitions of lying. In logic, a lie is the opposite of truth, a statement that is obviously not true. In everyday life, a lie is a deception that a person is aware of.

In psychology, lying is a deliberate attempt to formulate in another person a belief that the speaker himself believes to be false. Consciously telling a lie is a unique communication tactic chosen in a specific situation.

There are many types of lies:

• hoax,
• falsification,
• simulation,
• plagiarism,
• flattery,
• fairy tales,
• slander,
• bluff,
• self-incrimination, self-deception,
• exaggeration or understatement
• perjury, perjury,
• lies of good taste,
• white lie
• naked,
• children's,
• pathological,
• involuntary.

Why do people lie

Why do people lie several times a day? Everyday lies are not gross deception, but the concealment of insignificant information, this is a lie “in small things.” Everyone wants to appear better and does not want to spoil relationships with others.

A significant and significant lie is always associated with some situation that is significant for the individual. It can destroy the personality structure and ruin the life of an individual.

A person who is dishonest with himself and others is forced to live in constant tension from the need to hide the truth. The truth will sooner or later be revealed, and the revealed deception will entail a lot of negative consequences.

Scientists have two main versions of why people deliberately lie, even when they understand that deception will not lead to anything good:

1. Fear. Why does a person lie? Because he is afraid to tell the truth, even if he cannot admit it to himself.
2. The belief in the necessity of lying. An individual can be sure that it is better for the interlocutor not to know the truth, since it is difficult to accept, understand, and experience.

Unfortunately, people are accustomed to deceiving each other, but a shameless lie is not a normal phenomenon, but an immoral act.

Every child is taught from childhood to speak only the truth and tell their parents everything. But the baby still learns to lie over time, looking at adults. Children easily detect inconsistencies in the words and actions of adults and soon understand that lies can be used as a way to achieve what they want.

Unless a person is a habitual liar who takes delight and pleasure in deception, he will feel negative emotions and feelings when telling a lie. Lying creates shame, fear, and guilt for making the decision to deceive someone and carrying out that action.

Telling and experiencing a lie is . Negative emotions during a lie are exciting in the literal and figurative sense of the word; physiological changes begin to occur in the body, expressing excitement. The brain sends nerve impulses to the muscles, which cause manifestations of deception that are noticeable to others.

Signs of a lie

How can you tell if a person is lying? What are the signs of a lie that help to declassify it?

Not a single known sign of a lie can be regarded as direct evidence of it. Conversely, the absence of signs of deception does not mean that the person is speaking sincerely.

You need to evaluate the behavior of the interlocutor as a whole. Individual actions and movements are considered in conjunction with other manifestations of a person in relation to the interlocutor.

The behavior of a subject who is lying differs from his normal, ordinary behavior. Therefore, it is much easier to determine that a person is lying if he is a close friend or acquaintance. Determining whether a stranger or someone you barely know is lying is much more difficult.

When determining deception, a person is carefully observed, signs of lying are noticed and his situational behavior is compared with normal behavior accepted in a specific situation and environment. Without knowing a person, it is easy to make a mistake and confuse his usual action with a sign of lying.

You can catch your interlocutor in a lie by knowing the truth in advance or having the opportunity to verify the information you have heard. How do you know that a person is lying when you can’t check his words? In this case, knowing the signs of lying will come in handy.

Signs of lying can be verbal and non-verbal. Verbal deception is expressed in verbal form.

Nonverbal signs are divided into:

• physiological,
• facial expressions,
• gestural.

NONVERBAL SIGNS OF DECEPTION:

1. Increased sweating and rapid heart rate. The palms, forehead and skin area above the upper lip are moisturized.
2. Dry mouth. The throat becomes dry due to anxiety; the person often drinks water or swallows saliva.
3. Heavy, intermittent breathing or holding it; deep breaths and heavy exhalations.
4. Constriction of the pupils, rapid blinking; staring into the eyes or, conversely, the inability to look at the interlocutor.
5. Changes in complexion, redness, paleness or blotchy skin.
6. The appearance of goosebumps on the body.
7. Tension in the face: twitching of the facial muscles, crooked smile, frowning eyebrows.
8. Trembling in the voice, stuttering, coughing, change in timbre, tone, volume of the voice (provided that these speech defects are not caused by anything).
9. Inappropriate and untimely smile or grin.
10. Chaotic and fussy movements: walking back and forth, swaying the body, etc.
11. Rubbing and scratching various parts of the body.
12. Frequent touching of the neck and face: nose, lips, eyes, forehead, ears, back of the head.
13. Biting lips, fingers or nails.
14. Nervous twitching and tapping of limbs on the floor or other surfaces.
15. Crossed arms or legs, so-called body locks.
16. The desire to hide your hands behind your back, in your pockets, under the table.

All of the above-described manifestations can be observed when a person is simply worried, worried, or trying to please. For example, before public speaking or meeting new people. You can determine for sure that a person is lying by comparing his actions with his words.

VERBAL SIGNS OF LIE:

1. Reluctance to discuss the topic and constant attempts to change it are clear signs of withholding information.
2. Being laconic, avoiding answering, or giving short “yes” or “no” answers. When there is something to hide, a person will be afraid to say too much.
3. Vows. The interlocutor zealously tries to prove that he is right, swears and repeatedly gives his word of honor.
4. Thinking for a long time before saying or answering something; prolonging pauses in conversation.
5. Repeated flattery and attempts to enter. This is how the liar tries to switch attention and reduce the vigilance of the interlocutor.
6. Attempts to evoke sympathy and self-pity. This is done so that the interlocutor does not even think about questioning the incoming information. Is it possible to doubt the sincerity of the “unfortunate” person?
7. Demonstration of indifference, ostentatious indifference to the topic under discussion.
8. Another significant sign of lying is behavioral. A deceiver never keeps his promises and always finds excuses for this.

It cannot be said that a person is deceiving if only one sign of lying is detected. There should be several of them, both verbal and non-verbal.

How to Deal with a Cheater

According to statistics, the vast majority of women believe that the truth is better than deception, while at the same time, every second man is sure that a sweet lie is simply necessary in difficult life situations. But with age, men lie less and try to be frank.

Unfortunately, some people lie so skillfully that it is difficult to declassify them based only on signs of lying. He will come to the rescue. Having sufficient life experience, you can guess that a person is lying and protect yourself from the consequences of deception.

Lies are classified depending on the degree of complexity, the level of “skill” of the deceiver:

• First level

Manipulation without the intention of influencing beliefs. This kind of lie is called childish. The deceiver utters an obvious lie, not realizing that it is not at all difficult to declassify him. Why do people lie like children? Because they are afraid of punishment or want to receive a reward, hiding negative or inventing positive actions, respectively.

• Second level

The manipulator convinces the interlocutor of the truthfulness of the information, realizing that this will affect all subsequent thoughts and actions. Roughly speaking, second-level liars know how to “show off” and mislead.

• Third level

A liar knows how to deceive without being caught in a lie. This is skillful manipulation and skillful deception. Fraudsters use tricks, techniques and deception strategies. Such “advanced” lies are a common occurrence in politics, journalism, commerce and entertainment.

Having noticed several signs of lying in the behavior of your interlocutor, it is worth thinking about why the person openly lies and how to behave further with him. But you shouldn’t rush to make accusations without checking your guesses.

If you suspect your interlocutor is dishonest, you need to:

1. Try to remain calm. The natural reaction to untruth is resentment and indignation. But if you express them in the heat of the moment, the deceiver will find a way to justify himself.
2. Guess why the person is lying now. Only he himself can say exactly why a particular person is lying.
3. Check your assumptions, find evidence and facts if necessary.
4. Talk to the deceiver, giving him the opportunity to explain the situation, confirm or deny true information.
5. Establish the fact of deception. Having understood the situation, you need to decide to forgive the deceiver or stop due to loss of trust in him.
6. Not everyone will find the courage to expose a liar; sometimes it is dangerous to do so. But when it comes to intra-family conflicts or disagreements at work, finding out why people lie and dotting all the i's is simply necessary.

Once a person has lied, it is difficult to regain trust, and if deception becomes a habit, those around you stop respecting and loving. Liars and deceivers often become outcasts, stop in their development, and degrade.

A lie can destroy any relationship, personal life and career. Why people lie knowing this remains a mystery. It is much more effective to communicate sincerely, openly, and honestly express existing information, your thoughts and feelings to others.

Deception and lies have become part of everyday life. A lie can be harmless, or it can pose a serious threat. This article will help you learn how to recognize liars based on a variety of signs.

Every modern person needs to be able to recognize lies. To do this, you need to learn several techniques and remember the main manifestations of lies in facial expressions and gestures.

How to recognize a lie between a woman and a man during a conversation by facial expressions, gestures, eyes: the theory of lies

First of all, lies are manifested in a person’s facial expressions.

In order to recognize a liar, look carefully at your interlocutor. If you see the following signs in his facial expressions, then he is most likely a liar.

• Asymmetry. This symptom can manifest itself in different ways. Firstly, one side of the interlocutor’s face may express an emotion more strongly. That is, on the face on the right or left, the muscles will be more tense.
• Time . If during a conversation the interlocutor’s facial expression changes after just 5 seconds, then this is a pretense. Scientists have found that usually a change in facial expressions occurs on average after 10 seconds. However, if your interlocutor is experiencing rage, delight or depression, then his facial expression changes really quickly.
• Inconsistency between emotions and words. If your interlocutor verbally expressed any emotion, but his face is still calm, then he most likely deceived you. It's the same with the delayed expression of emotion. For example, if a person says how sad he is, but the sadness on his face appears late, then he wants to mislead you. Sincerity is manifested in the synchronicity of words and emotions.
• Smile . A smile can also often appear on the interlocutor’s face when he is deceiving you. There are two reasons for this. A person is accustomed to using a smile to relieve tension. This is a kind of instinct that appears in childhood and persists until adulthood. And since when a person cheats, he experiences stress, a smile helps him relieve stress. Another reason why liars often smile is in others. Joy helps hide their true emotions.

However, when trying to spot a liar by their smile, be careful. Scientists have found that during conversations, liars and ordinary people smile with the same frequency. Only their smiles are different. A liar's smile can be called "strained." She looks tense and her lips are pulled back slightly, slightly showing her teeth.

Also, a lie can be easily noticed in the eyes of the speaker.

If the other person is honest with you, he will look you in the eye most of the time. However, a liar will prefer to avoid eye contact by any means necessary. But be careful, an experienced liar, on the contrary, will try to look at you as often as possible during a conversation. If an honest person can look away a couple of times when remembering or imagining something, then an experienced liar will still make eye contact in these cases.

Simply put, during a normal conversation, eyes meet about 2/3 times during the entire conversation, while when talking with an inexperienced liar, eyes will meet a maximum of 1/3 times during the entire conversation. When the conversation returns to what the liar is trying to hide, his gaze will immediately turn to the side. This way, the liar will try to focus on coming up with the most plausible answer.

Pay attention to the pupils of your interlocutor. If they have expanded, then he is lying. At the same time, the liar’s eyes sparkle. All this comes from the stress he experiences.
It’s interesting that men who are liars usually look down, while women who are liars, on the contrary, tend to look up.

Observing body language is a great way to spot a liar. Here are some gestures and their features that are signs of lies:

• Stiffness. The interlocutor's gestures are awkward and stingy. He moves and gestures little. This does not apply to modest people, who always tend to behave this way.
• Scratching. A liar will often be nervous and because of this, he will often involuntarily touch his nose, throat, area around the mouth, and also scratch behind the ear.

• Nervousness. A liar often bites his lips, tries to distract himself from the conversation and smoke. Also, his gestures will be very nervous, his gestures will be abrupt.

• Hands. If a person constantly brings his hands to his face, as if trying to close himself off from you, this is a sure sign that he is lying to you.

• Mouth covered with hand. A liar involuntarily tends to cover his mouth with his hand, sometimes while pressing his thumb to his cheek. Sometimes this is accompanied by coughing. It’s as if the person is trying to cover his mouth in time so as not to let it slip. And the cough is designed to distract you from the topic of conversation. After all, if you are polite, you can ask if the interlocutor is healthy. And thus you will be distracted from the real topic of conversation.

• Touching your nose. This gesture may be a continuation of the previous one. The whole point is that the liar, having caught himself with his hand reaching for his mouth, tries to correct himself and pretends that his nose is just itchy.

• Ear Cover. Some liars try to subconsciously distance themselves from their own lies. At such moments, the hand is located next to the ear or even covers it.

• Through teeth. Sometimes, in order not to let it slip, a liar subconsciously clenches his teeth when talking. But it can also be a common sign of dissatisfaction. Before deciding that this is a gesture of lying, think about the situation the interlocutor is in.

• Touching the eyes. This gesture is slightly different for men and women. The woman seems to be trying to fix her makeup by running her finger under her eye. And men just rub their eyelids. This is another way to avoid eye contact. But this gesture also has two meanings. The first, as we already know, is a lie. And the second is fatigue from the conversation and the desire to show the interlocutor how tired of looking at him.

• Neck scratching. This gesture most often looks like this: a person begins to run his hand along the side of his neck or scratch his earlobe. Most often, this gesture is repeated several times and the number of repetitions reaches 5 times. This gesture demonstrates the liar's doubts. For example, you told a person something, and he replied: “Yes, yes, I understand” or “I agree,” and at the same time scratched his ear or neck. This shows that he actually doubts your words or simply did not understand you.

• « It’s become stuffy”. When a person lies, he gets excited and sweats a lot. Because of this, he sometimes becomes hot, and he begins to pull at the collar of his shirt or sweater, as people do in extreme heat. With this gesture he tries to distract himself from the conversation that worries him. But be careful, if your interlocutor is angry or upset, with this gesture he may be trying to come to his senses and cool down. How can you understand what state your interlocutor is in? Is he simply holding back his emotions or lying? The surest way is to ask him again. At the same time, the liar will most likely hesitate and remain silent for a while, trying to understand whether you saw through his lie or not. And an excited or angry person will immediately repeat what was said, while his voice will tremble or his facial expressions will show his feelings.

• Baby gesture. Liars often subconsciously put their fingers in their mouths. So they try to get rid of the feeling of guilt and move back to a time when everyone cared about them and looked after them. This is how a liar seeks your help and forgiveness. It’s as if he’s trying to say: “Yes, I’m lying, but I’m so harmless and I’m ashamed, so don’t be angry, please.”

How a person behaves when he lies: psychology

While observing your interlocutor, pay attention to the left half of his body. The reason is that it is the left side of the body that is responsible for emotions. So if you want to understand whether a person is telling the truth, look at his left hand, half of his face or leg. Our brain controls the right side of the body most. And the left is often beyond our control. The fact is that even if a lie is invented in advance, a person thinks most of all about his words, and not about emotions and gestures. Therefore, the left side, which is most associated with emotions, can give away his true feelings and intentions.

For example, if a liar is nervous, his left leg or arm will involuntarily sway back and forth. The left hand will make strange circular gestures, and the left leg may begin to draw strange signs on the asphalt or floor.

Researchers have found that each hemisphere of the body controls its half of the body. The right hemisphere is responsible for emotions, feelings and imagination. And the left is for intelligence and speech. Nature has arranged it so that each hemisphere controls the “opposite” part of the body. That is, the left hemisphere controls the right part of the body, and the left, on the contrary, controls the right.

That is why it turns out that it is the right side of the body that lends itself to more conscious control. This is the reason for one of the main signs of a liar - asymmetry, when the right side of the body tries to remain calm or express the “correct” emotion, and the left side of the body contradicts this.

How to recognize lies in correspondence, text messages, over the phone?

During correspondence, it is especially easy to hide the truth, because we cannot hear the voice of the interlocutor or see his face. Most often, people lie about their plans. Situations are especially common when someone promises that they will be “in 5 minutes”, but at the same time is half an hour late. In addition to such situations, according to research, only 11 percent of messages contain deception and only 5 people out of all 164 subjects turned out to be real liars, and half of their correspondence was deception. So meeting a habitual liar on social media. networks are not easy. Here are a few signs that will help you identify such a person, or simply figure out that your interlocutor is not telling something.

• Using the words "that woman" or "that man". By talking about someone in this way, the interlocutor is trying to hide the fact of intimacy or deliberately reduce the significance of this person in his life.

• If the interlocutor told you about many unusual events in his life, and you doubt their veracity, do the following. After some time, ask the person to talk about the same incidents, but in reverse order. For example, your pen pal told you a long story about how he went to visit his millionaire uncle. After a couple of days, ask him: “Excuse me, remember you told me about your uncle? So how did it all end? Big party? What happened before that? I forgot something...” This is a joke example. But the method works. After all, a liar, after some time, will forget about the sequence in which he lied and will definitely mix something up.

• Too many little things. If a person talks about some long-ago event in numerous details, then most likely he wants to deceive you. Agree, we sometimes don’t remember in detail what we did yesterday. And if a person remembers almost every minute of some last year’s event, then something is clearly wrong. Most often, a liar will use an overly detailed story about something to give you the illusion that what he is saying is true.
• Half-truth. Sometimes people only talk about part of their life. If he is a man, he may only talk about the positive aspects of his life to impress you.

• Excuses and slurred speech. In this case, the liar does not give a direct answer or begins to answer using vague or abstract expressions. The words “maybe”, “somehow”, “we’ll see”, “time will tell” are also used for excuses. This situation often arises when one of the interlocutors on social media. network gives advice to another. And this person does not want to follow the advice, but in order not to offend the interlocutor, he makes a vague promise that contains the words given above.

10 mistakes of a liar

Even an experienced liar can make a mistake and show the inconsistency of his words and thoughts. Usually we don't pay attention to such small oddities in behavior. But they are precisely the signals of untruth. Here are the 10 most common mistakes liars make.

• Emotion on the face disappears and appears suddenly and sharply. A person seems to “turn on” a certain expression on his face, and then just as suddenly “turns off” it. You can train a certain facial expression, even learn to pretend to be sad or happy quite realistically. But what liars most often forget is the amount of time that an emotion should usually remain on the face. With the rarest exception, an emotion, once it has appeared, cannot suddenly disappear in a couple of seconds. Also, even if a liar knows about this, it is unlikely that at the right moment he will be able to simultaneously select words, make the right facial expression, and hold this expression for the right amount of time. Most likely, the liar will pay more attention to the first two aspects, but he simply will not have the strength left for the last.
• Contradiction of words and facial expressions. The man said: “I like it,” but when he said these words his face was indifferent? So the lie is obvious. Even if a person smiles later, this will not add sincerity to his words. Only if emotions and words are simultaneous are they true.

• Contradiction of gestures and words. The same rule applies to moments when one thing is said, but body language says something else. For example, if someone says: “Yes, I’m very glad,” and at the same time his arms are crossed on his chest and his back is slouched, then he is definitely lying. When showing joy, only the mouth smiles. Usually a sincere smile consists not only of stretched lips, but also of the expression of the eyes. If a person smiles only with his mouth, but his eyes are not squinted, then this smile is simply insincere.

• Attempts to isolate oneself. During a conversation, a person involuntarily tries to place some objects between you. This could be a book, a cup, or hands placed on the table. In this way, the liar creates additional distance between you. Therefore, he becomes calmer, because... he subconsciously thinks that the further you are from him, the less you understand him.

• Speech rate. Some liars are afraid that they will be exposed. For this reason, even having started the story slowly, they then speed up the pace of their speech in order to quickly finish the story and get out of a stressful situation.
  Liars are also characterized by pauses in speech. During such small and frequent pauses, they look at you, trying to understand whether they believe them or not.

• Words-repetitions. If a person is suddenly asked about what he wants to hide, he will most likely first repeat your question, and then begin to answer. This way he will give himself time to collect his thoughts and come up with a more or less plausible answer. Here is an example of such repetition. “What did you do last night” – “Last night I...” or even “Are you asking what I did last night? Well, I…"

• Excessive brevity or detail. If a liar wants to deceive you, then he can go to two extremes. The first of them is a very detailed story with many unnecessary details. If a woman who is a liar tells you about a party she supposedly attended last week, she may even “remember” the colors and styles of all the dresses of the women who gathered for the party. And the second extreme is excessive brevity. A liar sometimes gives a short and vague answer, the truth of which is difficult to verify due to lack of information. True, some liars combine both of these extremes. To begin with, they give you a short and abstract answer to the question and test your reaction. If you express distrust, then they begin to bombard you with a bunch of unnecessary and meaningless details.

• The best defense is offense. Some liars, if you express doubt about their words, will immediately rush to attack you. They will start asking questions like this in an aggressive manner: “Who do you take me for? Do you doubt me? I thought we were friends / you love me...” etc. In this way, liars move the conversation to another topic and force you to make excuses. Such an aggressive defense against a liar can follow a simple question that he simply does not want to answer. One more example. “Daughter, where were you last night while I was working?” - “Mom, I’m already 17, and you control me! I’m tired, you don’t trust me at all!”

• Paying attention to your behavior. A liar will constantly watch your face and tone of voice. The slightest sign of dissatisfaction or distrust will be a signal for him to change strategy. Seeing how you frown while listening to his story, the liar will immediately begin to make excuses or move on to an aggressive defense. If a person is telling the truth, then most likely he will be so carried away by his story that he will not immediately notice your emotions.

15 ways to spot a lie

• Watch the emotions and gestures of your interlocutor. From the very first days of meeting you, try to carefully look at how a person shows joy, boredom or sadness. This way you will find out what behavior is typical for a particular person. And strong deviations from this norm will most likely be signals of lies.

• Pay attention to the timbre of your voice. If you lie, it will most likely become either too high, or slow, or, on the contrary, speed up.
• Look into your eyes. If the interlocutor, who is usually not particularly shy, begins to look away, then he is unlikely to be telling the truth.

• Be attentive to the person's lips. Liars often smile inappropriately, either out of relief that you believed them or to relieve stress. Of course, this does not apply to people who are used to smiling often simply because they are cheerful.

• Check to see if the interlocutor who is answering an important question has a “stony expression on his face.” If a person is not characterized by unemotionality, then the sudden disappearance of all feelings from the face should be alarming. Most likely the interlocutor is afraid to give himself away. Therefore, he simply suppresses all his emotions through an effort of will.

• Check if your interlocutor is experiencing “micro muscle tension”. This slight facial tension that appears for a couple of seconds is also a sign of lying.

• Notice whether the person turns red or pale. Complexion cannot be controlled. It is a sign of excitement. And if a person is telling the truth, then why should he worry?

• Notice if the person's lips quiver. If this is so, but there are no obvious reasons for concern, then he is lying.

• Look at how often your interlocutor blinks. This is also a sign of excessive anxiety. If such a sign appears when answering a neutral question, then the person is most likely worried because he is lying.

• Look at your interlocutor's pupils. Some psychologists believe that a person's pupils dilate when he is telling a lie.

• Learn the gestures most often made by those who tell lies.: a person rubs his eyes, covers his mouth, scratches his nose, touches his face with his hands, and often pulls down his shirt collar.

• Remember to compare the person's reactions to know when their behavior will change. Compare how a person behaves in similar situations to learn his habits. And when he does something that is out of character for him, think carefully about his words. They may contain lies.

• Pay attention to details. If a person begins to behave strangely and get nervous for no reason, take a closer look at his behavior.

• Pay attention to the left side of the body. It is associated with a person's emotions and is more difficult to control. Therefore, if the right side of the body “contradicts” the left, then there is a possibility that the interlocutor is hiding something.

• Don’t make hasty conclusions and don’t rush to blame a person. Before this, watch him even more carefully, and it is best if you draw conclusions while maintaining a sober mind.

The ability to distinguish truth from lies is a skill necessary for every modern person. This ability will be easier to acquire if you communicate more often with different people and at the same time be attentive to your interlocutors. Then the ability to analyze facial expressions and gestures will appear on your own.

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Should you always tell the truth?

Have you seen a man who never lies? It's hard to see him, everyone avoids him. (With)
Mikhail Zhvanetsky

Every reader has faced a similar question more than once in his life. And what is your own answer? If you can give a definitive yes or no answer, I wouldn't believe you in either case. If our world were black and white, this question would be much easier to answer. If the General History of Lies and Betrayal is ever written, its brief variation with theses will occupy several hundred volumes.

In my psychological practice, I encounter similar dilemmas with my clients quite often, but I still don’t have a ready answer. Why? Let's find out!

A man who always spoke the truth.

Imagine a person who, under any circumstances, would speak the truth with everyone, i.e. what he really thinks. Introduced? Me too: hospital room, bars on the windows, orderlies and neighbor Napoleon. Exactly! The fate of such people is unenviable: he will not be able to adapt to modern society. So, do all people lie and no one can be trusted?

The truth is somewhere near.

To begin with, you need to accept one simple fact - our world is subjective and there are no objective facts. We are now talking not about physical laws (although they are often probabilistic in nature), but about human perception of the surrounding world. A few centuries ago, people firmly believed that the Sun revolved around the Earth, because they trusted their eyes and their ideas about the structure of the Universe.

There are no objective laws regarding people at all, we interpret everything through the prism of our own experience and perception. I have witnessed more than once when two disputing parties had diametrically opposed visions of one situation, and both of them were right because they were guided by their own coordinate system. Often we take the other side two arguing people whose views and values ​​are closer to us, or relationships with whom, cost us more. It is important to understand that all civilization is built on the terms of a social contract. You have the freedom to either maintain this agreement or break it, but be prepared for the consequences. In any case, the choice is yours.

The whole truth about relationships, or betrayal is inevitable!

This is how the majority works, that we strive to develop close relationships with another person. Closeness is inextricably linked with the feeling that someone in this world needs me, that someone is waiting for me at home, thinking about me, missing me; with confidence that there is someone to rely on in difficult times; with the knowledge that someone is sensitive to my wants and needs; with thoughts that there is someone to live for. But such intimacy, in addition to a lot of positive emotions, carries with it the threat of being more vulnerable.

Only those closest to you truly hurt.

One of the psychological mechanisms for avoiding this intense anxiety is an attempt fix the relationship of intimacy once and for all. This desire to “cement” relationships, to give them a complete form, in essence - create one big illusion, within which I would like to live the rest of my life. The illusion requires constant feeding and strengthening, otherwise it quickly collapses. You want to “tie” the other to yourself, and any attempts by HIS or HER to move away or unwillingness to live within the framework of the outlined scenario will be perceived as betrayal. Where lack of freedom appears, betrayal will inevitably appear there. If there were no theme of unfreedom, the idea of ​​betrayal would quickly exhaust itself.

In married couples, where relationships are based on freedom and trust there is much less adultery, because there is no need to defend your freedom. Any prohibitions often themselves form corresponding motives. This does not mean that I am campaigning “for free relationships and freedom of morals,” don’t get me wrong. It is enough to understand that It's not betrayal that destroys intimacy, and ours efforts to preserve by any means, not even intimacy itself, but illusion of intimacy.

The famous American psychotherapist Carl Whitaker said:

“Trust is simply a game that hides the courage to take risks, to be vulnerable, and to bear the consequences of that decision.”

When meeting a person, you need to be ready to the fact that he may behave completely differently than we expected. His needs may change, just like yours. To be ready, to worry and to have the freedom to talk about it is the true degree of intimacy between two people.

About communicating and educating our own children, be consistent, and do not allow your words to diverge greatly from your actions. Otherwise, you risk turning your child into a pathological liar. Explain to him the basic rules accepted in society and the possible consequences of breaking them.

If you don't know, whether to tell the truth to another person, focus on yourself in this matter: are you ready to sacrifice the principles of “truth”, or are you not ready to betray yourself in this situation? It seems to me that “betrayal of oneself” is often more destructive for a person’s personality, but does not relieve him of responsibility for the consequences that may occur in any case.

Choosing to “tell the truth” try to say less about your assessments and opinions about others, and pay more attention to your experiences and your feelings about a situation or person. “I-Statements” will help here when you start your phrases with the pronoun “I”: “I feel, I think, I believe, I experience, I relate, I evaluate...”

Make sure you want to know the whole truth about yourself from others? Are you brave enough to listen to this? Therefore, you should not discount the strategy: the less you know, the better you sleep!