"The reason there is so little now happy people, only that we do very little for our happiness. Most live by inertia, as it turned out, as their parents wanted, or where the environment led them. How many people have thought about what happiness is, how I personally can achieve it - and began to stubbornly fight for what they want, despite the way their loved ones live? And happiness is like gold. It does not fall on your head in the form of rain. It needs to be found and dug out of the ground. The unpleasant thing is that happiness comes from work. The nice thing is that everyone can achieve it with hard work. Absolutely everyone. Yes, happiness is not an accident; it comes to a person according to certain laws. You don't need to be rich, famous or special to be happy. You need to achieve harmony with yourself, with other people and God. And it is also desirable to know the laws by which joy comes to us or leaves us. The most important of these laws in our book are spoken by those people who are truly happy. Among the authors of the book there are successful and famous people, there are specialist psychologists, but there are also wonderful young people who also have something to share. Therefore, our book is not boring, it is full of lively and inspiring... This book is the fruit of several years practical work groups of specialists and volunteers with thousands of potential suicides on the Pobedish.ru project. It raises the most pressing questions that concern such people, to which deep, accurate and interesting answers are given, helping recipients understand the true sources of their problems, change their worldview and start a new life.
Previously, the book was published under the title "Suicide: Error or Way Out?"This is very simple book. One might even say primitive. It consists of real life stories. Readers sent these stories to us on the website www.zagovor.ru.
Stories about fortune telling and love spells. The stories are sincere, sometimes scary. Thought provoking...
This is how you should use the book. You are reading these stories. If you like the consequences of fortune telling and love spells, you tell fortunes and bewitch. If you don’t like it, don’t guess and don’t bewitch...To repent means to change sinful thoughts and feelings, to improve, to become different. It is good to realize your sins, to feel the severity of the Fall. But in place of the defiled life that is blotted out by the Lord Jesus Christ in repentance, we must begin to create a new life, a life according to the spirit of Christ.The publication contains quotes on the topics of unbelief, lack of faith and faith in God. Quotations from the Bible are mainly taken from the writings of the Holy Fathers, where they are given in the appropriate meaning. All biblical texts are given in modern translation, with the exception of the Psalter and some quotations of Scripture as part of fatherly sayings, which in the Slavic translation are more consistent with the meaning in which the authors of the sayings use them.The book talks about the most important internal aspects of church life, such as baptism, the sign of the cross, veneration of saints, worship, confession, communion, spiritual direction, fasting, holidays. The book is structured in the form of short and extremely expressive answers to typical questions. Most of the answers are given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.Seeing your sins and sincere, offered from the bottom of your heart, repentant prayer to God is the right path to salvation, to which the Holy Fathers, devotees of piety and modern pastors call the faithful children of the Church. Their instructions and teachings about this, included in the book, will help the reader understand complex issues spiritual life.In the publication " Soul healer. On enduring sorrows" the reader will find answers to his questions about grief and despondency, illness and death, advice on how to survive difficult moments in life, given by the holy fathers Orthodox Church.
Quotations from the Bible are mainly taken from the writings of the Holy Fathers, where they are given in the appropriate meaning.This small book contains questions that are not the essence of spiritual life, but, nevertheless, usually arise in real life modern Orthodox man. The questions are divided into such topics as “Money, property”, “Society”, “Management”, “Creativity”, “Path, destiny”. This book will help you navigate through turbulent events. today and the ups and downs of his own personal life.The book is a short but fundamental reference. It is structured in the form of answers to common questions on topics such as sexual relations, weddings, relationships between spouses in marriage, relationships with parents, and raising children. The purpose of this book is to help readers create real family and maintain and nurture love in marriage, and raise children to be happy, successful, and capable of love. Answers to questions are given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church, as well as priests.The book contains the quintessence the right approach to relationships with people. It presents answers to dozens of questions on the topics “People, communication”, “Judgment and condemnation”, “Reproaches and instructions”, “Conflicts”, “Good deeds”. For each of these topics, the book gives in a very concise and clear way fundamental knowledge, which will help you act much more successfully in any communication situation. The book is based on quotes from the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.
The misfortune of modern man is that he devotes most of his strength, attention, and time to things that could not make him happier, help him to truly realize himself. Most of us are like warriors who diligently fight ghosts while the real, living and strong enemy stabs us in the back with impunity.
True, I don’t know how new this situation is. Vladimir Dal also wrote down a proverb: “What the world teaches, it torments people.” In our time, compared to the 19th century, this has simply become much worse. The reason for our behavior is that we listen little to ourselves, watch a lot of TV, rarely read or don’t read good books at all.
And the fruits of this inattention to the main thing are emptiness and deadness of the soul, despondency hidden from oneself by the race for entertainment and pleasure, often reaching depression, lack of true love (with the possible presence of lovers and even spouses), loss life guidelines, destroyed families and unfortunate children who will carry the baton of destruction further, with even greater force. The death of our country, which we all see, imagining ourselves as outside observers, also comes from here, since the family is the basis of the state.
In my book, I take love and joy as the starting point for mental health. Because it is impossible to have lasting joy and true love if you do not resolve your basic spiritual problems. These states - joy, love - are not only the goal of our life, what we want most (even if we don’t think about it), but also a reliable measure of the correctness and success of our everyday existence. When goals and guidelines are defined, methods can then be developed to achieve these goals.
In the sea of modern psychological literature not easy to navigate. There are many popular authors who talentedly teach how to become sick and unhappy. Simply because these books incorrectly define the goals of working on yourself. It is very dangerous to get carried away with books that set secondary or dubious goals: “to achieve personal development”, “become a bitch”, “influence people”, “become rich”, etc.
There is a simple logic: our priorities completely determine our lives. Based on priority, we choose a behavior model; the behavior model determines our internal state. What happens. A person sets a goal for himself - for example, “to become a bitch.” And he is working on himself in this direction. But, due to some darkness of his mind (which, of course, is present, since a person has chosen such a goal), for some reason he also simultaneously expects that at the same time he will become happy, loving and loved. And after some time a person begins to wonder: “How can this be! After all, I tried so hard to become a bitch (rich, influential, famous, developed, etc.). Why am I still unhappy and have so little love in my life?”
It's funny, isn't it? But that's what most of us do.
Therefore, if you want to be happy and have love, set exactly these goals for yourself, and read exactly these books.
Strive for happiness as such (that is, joy), and not for its surrogates - wealth, fame and success. And to love as such (and not to bitchiness, stunning attractiveness, etc.). This doesn’t mean that you won’t have everything else (money, success). It will be, “everything else will follow”! In a size large enough for you. But at the same time, you will not throw the baby out with the bathwater, you will not exchange the main thing for the secondary.
This book is one of the books about the main thing. It does not correspond to the principles of Western book marketing, according to which one should write about some narrow problem, then make a book on a similar narrow problem with a similar title, and so on. Since man is a holistic being, it will not be possible to make some narrow layer of him joyful and happy, then the next, then another, and finally, on the 25th volume, to achieve complete happiness and love. No, joy and love are the top of the path on which a person needs to do a lot with himself, and it is useless to say “B” without saying “A”. Therefore, although the book is small in volume, I tried to touch upon the most important points, ultimately determining our condition.
The work on which this book is based has been done by us online since 2006. There is a group of sites, each of which helps people with a specific problem. One site is dedicated to the themes of love and family life(realove.ru), another - the topic of parting with a loved one (perejit.ru), the third - the problem of depression and suicide (pobedish.ru), the fourth - experiencing the consequences of violence (vetkaivi.ru), the fifth - the consequences of fortune telling and magic (zagovor .ru), sixth – worldview problems (realisti.ru), seventh – the problem of experiencing death loved one(memoriam.ru), the eighth - the problem of serious illness (boleem.com), information on all these topics in a more convenient form is given in Correspondence school Love (shkola.realove.ru).
This Internet project is non-commercial. It unites large group enthusiasts, including psychologists, psychiatrists, and priests. Our goal is to help people in situations as difficult and as common as those described above. And it’s not easy - to avoid suicide, mental illness, to prevent divorce or survive it, to get out of despondency. Our goal is to help a person rise to the highest quality level. new level your life, level of happiness and love. After all, this is exactly why we are given everything – for a qualitative breakthrough. life crises, and they must be used for their intended purpose.
The approach taken at these sites is unique. main feature our methodology lies in the fundamental nature of those laws on the knowledge of which it is based. We do not use light strokes for treatment. chronic illness. We do not suggest that you become the object of a test of correctness psychological concept another guru. We turn to the essence of what love is and help a person learn to love with precisely this, true love. A real love makes a person spiritually healthy and happy.
This approach turned out to be very popular among the audience. Each of our sites today is the most popular Russian-language resource in its field. They are visited (in 2016) by more than fifty thousand people a day, without any advertising. People turn to us precisely because so many have already been able to solve their problems here. Thousands of stories posted on websites, thousands of grateful responses, show how successfully the technique works.
The book invites you to reconsider some of the common cliches that exist in the minds of a modern person, depriving him of love and making him unhappy and sick. You can't start a family if you don't know how to love. Therefore, our book is not only about love and family. It touches on themes of good and evil, depression, selfishness, relationships with parents, freedom, happiness and success.
Love is what every person needs most. More than money, fame, pleasure. And at the same time, love is the biggest deficit in modern world. That's why people suffer. First, the parental family gets sick from lack of love, the parents stop loving each other and in many cases break up, then the unloved baby is coming with his dislike for the world, trying to compensate for what he has not received by different means, but nothing comes of it, and he creates another underfamily, dooming the next generation of children to torment...
This book will help you break this relay of misfortune. Just reading a book will not make you a truly loving and loved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, the lack of love may end for you. And you will be able to create a full-fledged family and make your future children much happier.
The book includes a number of articles posted on our websites, but most of the chapters were written specifically for this book as the quintessence of the fundamental points of the sites' content. The life stories included in the book are also borrowed from our websites.
To save your time, I have made this book concise and concise. Therefore, if you read it, then read it carefully. Every paragraph has meaning and can reveal something important to you.
There are no exercises in this book. In fact, just reading it will be a workout, since many of the statements contained in this book will be difficult for you to accept without doubt. You will be surprised and indignant. We'll have to think about it. The book invites you to serious analysis and creativity to transform your life.
* * *
This is what one of her first readers wrote about the need for such books.
“This book is imperfect, but there is something very important in it: a path, a direction of movement for a person who is suffocating, rushing about, suffering, and does not understand why.
Four years ago, when my marriage fell apart miserably, I, like a restless person, went to psychologists and said that I was not so much destroyed by the very fact of my husband’s betrayal, but by the fact that for me it became SUCH a disaster! Nobody heard me! My psychologist began to enthusiastically make me into something like a bitch, so that I would feel like a woman, become more mysterious, more sexy, etc. My self-confidence was at zero, and I believed him, but I did not feel better . I felt like I didn’t have something important, real SUPPORT! I told the psychologist about what I had lost inner rod, feeling of self. In response, I heard that it’s natural to feel this way in my position, and that I need to train “to be a woman,” train to communicate with men, be charming... What nonsense! I am so sorry that at that time I did not come across anything similar to this book!..
I saw darkness, lack of love, abnormal families around me, I didn’t even fight as hard as I should for my marriage. What was happening in it was similar to the world around me, I gave up.
I didn’t believe, I didn’t know that light was not invented by dreamers, that a bright relationship between a husband and wife is a reality, and not a beautiful myth. I think that there are only examples of how well and brightly people live real people, may be enough for spiritual orphans like me to find ground under their feet.
On your sites, I looked with particular zeal for stories of victory, stories of love. It was important for me to BELIEVE that this is possible, that there are living people successful people, normal people, not saints, not eccentrics, they exist, that I’m not the only one who feels this way, I think that there is someone else... of my kind, or something. It turns out that there are people here, nearby, who, like me, believe in love and light, there are even those who live like this!!! Thanks to you, I stopped feeling like a restless alien on Earth.”
* * *
The author expresses warm gratitude for the cooperation to the comrades participating in the work of the group of sites “Perezhit.ru” - Archpriest Igor Gagarin, Abbot Feodor (Yablokov), priest and psychologist Andrei Lorgus, psychologists M.I. Khasminsky, I.A. Rakhimova, I. N. Moshkova, L. F. Ermakova, M. I. Berkovskaya, I. A. Karpenko, all other authors, assistants and programmer Ivan Belykh.
1. Life can be changed!
How are we different from plants?
Plants live their entire lives where their ancestors grew and died. You may be lucky if the wind carries the seed to more fertile soil, to a better climate. But it doesn't depend on you. Where you grew up is where you are doomed to live your whole life.
In animals there is a significant more possibilities choice. They can migrate, which they do in accordance with the seasons, droughts and rains, in order to ensure a more prosperous life for themselves. But animals cannot change the way they live. They are ruled by instincts. Birds build nests in the same way and get food in the same way as their distant ancestors. And a sparrow will never be able to sing like a nightingale, even if it voice apparatus allows him to do this.
As for a person, he can not only move from place to place, he can generally change anything in his life. He can live anywhere in any country. He can build himself any home. He can choose any activity for himself. He can earn as much money as he wants. He can be creative, he can help people and make them happy. He can start a family with his loved one. Or not create it. He may or may not have children. He can choose any religion and any social circle. And what is most important and surprising is that he can change himself and his passions. He can get rid of what makes him feel bad and learn what makes him feel good.
Why, having capabilities much greater than those of an animal, do some of us live like a plant? Or even like a felled tree - floating limply down the river?!
I am always surprised when people, still quite young, respond to a proposal to change something in their lives: “What can you do? That’s the kind of person I am.”
First of all, how do you know what kind of person you are? To know yourself, you need to try yourself different types activities in different forms communication, with different people. We cannot fully recognize ourselves until the end of our lives, but what does a person who has tried 3-5% of what is available to him know about himself?
I have met glazed-eyed 13- to 16-year-olds who thought they were very experienced and said to the adults who were trying to teach them, “What can you teach me if you haven’t seen half of what I’ve seen?” Indeed, these street teenagers have seen a lot. They saw their father torture their mother, they participated in gang rapes and murders. It can be assumed that they experienced up to 30% of the evil that can be experienced in life. But they didn’t experience even 5% of the good. And the experience of evil does not replace the experience of good. Therefore, despite all their sophistication in evil, they remain children who have little knowledge and understanding of life in general.
Secondly, even if you were “like this”, who said that you have to remain “like this” all your life? Even if you don’t want it, you will change throughout your life. And if you want, you will change faster, and in the desired direction. Your life will change with you.
There are human properties that are difficult to change. For example, temperament. But what we call character can be changed, and it is necessary to change. Because character is a set of good and bad habits, partly inherited from parents, partly acquired during life. And as we overcome those qualities that bring suffering, and all our evil makes us suffer, a person becomes happier. You are absolutely not obliged to repeat the life of your parents, following them like a carriage behind a diesel locomotive on rails, if you do not like this life. By overcoming your shortcomings, you will get rid of that part of your parental legacy that you do not need. Look around - and you will see how often similar early childhood siblings live very different lives, become completely different people (one is good, the other is evil, one is happy, the other is not). This is the result of personal choice.
There are five main regrets of dying people, formulated by Broni Vehe based on her work in a hospice. This is useful to know, so I will give full list these regrets:
1. I regret that I did not have the courage to live the life that was right for me, and not the life that others expected of me.
2. I'm sorry I worked so hard.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.
As you and I can see, all five major regrets are not regrets about something difficult, amazing or great. They are all about what can every Human. It can, but it doesn’t always do it, due to some incomprehensible inertia, due to the lack of a genuine desire to become happier and awareness of one’s life as the only, unique and unrepeatable opportunity. Which needs to be used, if not 100%, then at least 99%.
Reason and will are stronger than habits
Philosophers argue about what comes first – spirit or matter. Practitioners know that the spirit is primary. If a person’s soul is harmonious, he is happy with any material opportunities. If a person’s soul is sick, then he is unhappy, no matter how successful he is in the material field. Therefore, in order to change your life, you need to start not with a career, not with making money, not with love affairs or creating a family, but from yourself, your personality.
We have already said that when we deal with ourselves, we deal mainly with our habits, both good and evil. But there is something in a person that stands above these habits and is capable of influencing them. It doesn’t matter what it’s called – “I”, spirit, consciousness or something else. From a practical point of view, the properties of this dominant part of our personality are important. These properties are reason and will. Thanks to reason and will, we are able to analyze various phenomena, make decisions and try to implement them, influencing your thoughts and actions.
Example one. Young man studying at good university, where they really give knowledge, but also ask seriously. Science is difficult for him. And his parents demand success from him, hoping that he, like them, will become a brilliant lawyer. Each failed exam brings great grief to both parents and son. But he really dreams of becoming an artist. After analyzing the situation, the young man realized that he was not living in accordance with his inclinations, that he was overly dependent on his parents, on their desires and financial assistance. He decided to take a step towards becoming an adult. He transferred to an institute where they teach to become artists, evening uniform training and found a job. Now he is independent from his parents and doing what he loves. His parents rebelled against his decision, but he calmly and sincerely explained the reason for his action and how important it was for his happiness. Over time they came to terms with it new life and they began to respect him even more - not as a continuer of the profession, but as an adult, responsible person.
Example two. The girl is unhappy with her relationships with guys. They rarely fall in love with her, and they are all wrong. And those who like her are indifferent to her or quickly abandon her.
Having studied literature on the topic of love and analyzed her life, this girl comes to the conclusion that the reason for her failures is that she dependent person, that is, prone to love addiction. The girl begins to work on herself. She tries to avoid new attachments, tries to learn to be friends and shine to people. After two years, she changed herself to such an extent that she was able to truly love (and true love is mutual) and get happily married.
Example three. When the young woman was ready to reconsider her views, it turned out that she lives a fairly wealthy and outwardly cheerful and noisy life, with the glitter of parties and splashes of champagne, expensive cars, but she pays for this life with her body, whatever you call it - prostitution, sponsorship or “love for wealthy men.” And the consequences of such a deal with conscience are despondency, deep loneliness and longing for true love and the family that it could create.
After analyzing the situation, the woman came to the conclusion that peace of mind, self-respect and family happiness, children are more valuable to her than these pleasures and the envy of others. She decided that even with a modest income, she would have the happiness that does not exist now, no matter how you deceive yourself. She broke up with her circle of previous acquaintances, found a job with a fairly average salary, she repented of the actions that tormented her conscience, and began to work on herself in order to be not only pleasant in conversation and in bed, but also to be a good wife, a reliable friend to a worthy man . Over time, such a man was found. And by the way, although he was not rich, he was not poor either...
These three examples are from life, and not from three lives, but from many.
So, to change your life, you need to reconsider your views and start working on yourself, overcoming passions and bad habits.
Working on yourself is interesting. After all, improving yourself is not only a means of improving life, but in a sense, it is also a goal. Look around: most people have a very boring life! They are in constant search of distractions, entertainment, and consolation. Some drink, some work like a slave for their vanity, some exhaust themselves with an endless race for new sensations. Who do these people work for? And a person who works on himself always works for himself, and not for “uncle.” He knows: every minute of work on himself is a hard coin in the treasury of the wealth of his personality and soul. He never suffers from loneliness or boredom, because his field - himself - is always with him. Even if he is lying paralyzed in bed. He is like a champion athlete who was lucky enough to compete at the highest rank competitions for the rest of his life. He needs to always be in shape, and he likes to be in shape. And this passion for victory, this anticipation of victories and satisfaction from victories and the joy that he makes those around him happier, fills his entire life with strength until last day. In fact, such a person does not know old age.
What should someone whose goal was pleasure or wealth do if he is paralyzed? But this can happen to anyone...
If you don’t like something about yourself, don’t put up with it. By working on yourself, you can make your life much better. And naturally, starting a family begins not with finding a groom (bride), not with making money, but with the question of whether I am ready to be good husband and father (wife and mother) or do I still need to work on myself for this.
One day, journalists came to visit an old woman who was one hundred years old. It happened in Ukraine. A tiny old lady who already has great-great-grandchildren, who survived the war, famine and all the consequences of the collapse of the USSR. Journalists asked what she remembered most during these hundred eventful years. The old woman burst into tears and answered: “If I’m a good man. You know, what a big deal!” (“When my husband left me. You know what a pain it is!”) But her husband left her with the children 60 years ago!
Parting with a loved one is one of the most difficult situations in our life. Moreover, suffering dooms us to loneliness. And we can suffer, as the example of this grandmother shows, unlimitedly. for a long time. You should not hope that the pain will go away on its own or that time will heal it. Our healing is in our hands. Who will help us?
Unlike a physical illness, you cannot put yourself in the hands of doctors who will make an accurate diagnosis and prescribe pills and injections. You will have to do the bulk of the work here yourself. A we're talking about about something invisible. And the pain is stronger...
- April 15, 2017, 10:32
Genre: ,
+This little book is the fruit of a year and a half of work with people experiencing a breakup, as well as those in a state of love or passionate dependence on another person, which we conduct on the charity website “Survive. ru" (perejit.ru). During our work we encountered big amount cases of magical interference in the relationship of two. An intervention that always led to rather sad consequences.
As a result of realizing the “scale of the disaster,” a desire arose to help people who turn to a love spell, not knowing what awaits them later. And also to victims of love spells and those who bewitched or ordered a love spell. Because they also need...
- April 15, 2017, 10:32
Genre: ,
+This is a very simple book. One might even say primitive. It consists of real life stories. Readers sent these stories to us on the website www.zagovor.ru.
Stories about fortune telling and love spells. The stories are sincere, sometimes scary. Thought provoking...
- April 15, 2017, 10:32
Genre: ,
+Fortune telling and love spells are interesting because many people do this, but not many people try to explain their mechanism, and it’s not a fact that they explain it correctly. How can we talk about such a mysterious phenomenon?
This book talks about fortune telling and love spells in an extremely simple way. It consists mainly of real life stories of those people who told fortunes or bewitched. This is only a small fraction, about 1%, of the evidence we have collected. Readers sent us their stories to the website www.zagovor.ru. They honestly talk about why they did it, how it happened and what the consequences were. And the consequences are always unpleasant. Often scary. Thought provoking...
This is how you should use the book. You are reading these stories. If you like the consequences of fortune telling and love spells, you tell fortunes and bewitch. If you don't like it, don't guess and don't...
- 15 April 2017, 10:27
Genre: ,
+...The Jews, according to the Talmud, had a custom that a criminal sentenced to death would not be executed immediately after conviction. The herald several times publicly announced his name, guilt, witnesses to the crime and the type of execution assigned to him, calling anyone who could go to court and defend the unfortunate man. And the Romans had a law made by Tiberius, according to which the death penalty was committed no earlier than 10 days after the verdict. But for Jesus Christ, although He was judged according to both Roman and Jewish laws, neither one nor the other custom was observed. The reprieve of execution extended only to ordinary criminals, and the disturbers of public peace, the enemies of Moses and Caesar, as the slander presented Jesus, had no right to this mercy: their execution was the more legal the sooner it was carried out. So, immediately after his condemnation, Jesus Christ was handed over to the soldiers who carried out all the executions among the Romans. Their first step was to take off His scarlet robe and dress Him in His own clothes: this was required by custom and, perhaps, pity. The silence of the evangelists does not allow us to say decisively: the crown of thorns was also removed or remained on the Lord’s head until His removal from the cross. However, the ancient custom of depicting Jesus Christ on the cross wearing a crown of thorns has the appearance of a historical legend. In support of this, we can say that the crucifiers had enough reasons to leave a crown on the head of the Lord, since, according to their idea of Him, it was very opportune, confirming what they were talking about...
- 15 April 2017, 10:27
Genre: ,
+“Every character, every destiny has its own foundation, its own root cause. Some call it heredity or genes, others karma or fate, others simply grieve: “I was born this way.”
Indeed, as an adult, independent life we are not entering into equal conditions. Some are more self-confident, capable of loving and forgiving, others are more dependent, weak, anxious and unhappy.
And it would be very sad if the reason was in genes or something else that can no longer be changed.
In fact, main reason- in our relationship with our parents. Relationships with our parents determine many basic properties our personality. It is these relationships that lay the entire foundation of our future life. No wonder they say that “all our problems come from childhood.” Our happiness too...
- 15 April 2017, 10:27
Genre: ,
+“This book will help you break the relay of misfortune. Just reading a book will not make you a truly loving and loved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, the lack of love may end for you. And you will be able to create a full-fledged family and make your future children much...
Dmitry Semenik
The misfortune of modern man is that he devotes most of his strength, attention, and time to things that could not make him happier, help him to truly realize himself. Most of us are like warriors who diligently fight with ghosts while a real, living and powerful enemy stabs us in the back with impunity.
True, I don’t know how new this situation is. Vladimir Dal also wrote down a proverb: “What the world teaches, it torments people.” In our time, compared to the 19th century, this has simply become much worse. The reason for our behavior is that we listen little to ourselves, watch a lot of TV, rarely read or don’t read good books at all.
And the fruits of this inattention to the main thing are emptiness and deadness of the soul, despondency hidden from oneself by the race for entertainment and pleasure, often reaching depression, lack of true love (with the possible presence of lovers and even spouses), loss of life guidelines, broken families and unhappy children who will carry the baton of destruction further, with even greater force. The death of our country, which we all see, imagining ourselves as outside observers, also comes from here, since the family is the basis of the state.
In my book, I take love and joy as the starting point for mental health. Because it is impossible to have lasting joy and true love if you do not resolve your basic spiritual problems. These states - joy, love - are not only the goal of our life, what we want most (even if we don’t think about it), but also a reliable measure of the correctness and success of our everyday existence. When goals and guidelines are defined, methods can then be developed to achieve these goals.
It is not easy to navigate the sea of modern psychological literature. There are many popular authors who talentedly teach how to become sick and unhappy. Simply because these books incorrectly define the goals of working on yourself. It is very dangerous to get carried away by books that set secondary or dubious goals: “achieve personal development”, “become a bitch”, “influence people”, “become rich”, etc.
There is a simple logic: our priorities completely determine our lives. Based on priority, we choose a model of behavior; the model of behavior determines our internal state. What happens. A person sets a goal for himself - for example, “to become a bitch.” And he is working on himself in this direction. But, due to some darkness of his mind (which, of course, is present, since a person has chosen such a goal), for some reason he also simultaneously expects that at the same time he will become happy, loving and loved. And after some time a person begins to wonder: “How can this be! After all, I tried so hard to become a bitch (rich, influential, famous, developed, etc.). Why am I still unhappy and have so little love in my life?”
It's funny, isn't it? But that's what most of us do.
Therefore, if you want to be happy and have love, set exactly these goals for yourself, and read exactly these books. Strive for happiness as such (that is, joy), and not for its surrogates - wealth, fame and success. And to love as such (and not to bitchiness, stunning attractiveness, etc.). This doesn’t mean that you won’t have everything else (money, success). It will be, “everything else will follow”! In a size large enough for you. But at the same time, you will not throw the baby out with the bathwater, you will not exchange the main thing for the secondary.
This book is one of the books about the main thing. It does not correspond to the principles of Western book marketing, according to which one should write about some narrow problem, then make a book on a similar narrow problem with a similar title, and so on. Since man is a holistic being, it will not be possible to make some narrow layer of him joyful and happy, then the next, then another, and finally, on the 25th volume, to achieve complete happiness and love. No, joy and love are the top of the path on which a person needs to do a lot with himself, and it is useless to say “B” without saying “A”. Therefore, although the book is small in volume, I tried to touch upon the most important points that ultimately determine our condition.
The work on which this book is based has been done by us online since 2006. There is a group of sites, each of which helps people with a specific problem. One site is dedicated to the topics of love and family life (realove.ru), another - to the topic of parting with a loved one (perejit.ru), the third - to the problem of depression and suicide (pobedish.ru), the fourth - to experiencing the consequences of violence (vetkaivi.ru), fifth - the consequences of fortune telling and magic (zagovor.ru), sixth - worldview problems (realisti.ru), seventh - the problem of experiencing the death of a loved one (memoriam.ru), eighth - the problem of serious illness (boleem.com), information on all of these topics are given in a more convenient form at the Correspondence School of Love (shkola.realove.ru).
This Internet project is non-commercial. It unites a large group of enthusiasts, including psychologists, psychiatrists, and priests. Our goal is to help people in situations as difficult and as common as those described above. And it’s not easy - to avoid suicide, mental illness, to prevent divorce or survive it, to get out of despondency. Our goal is to help a person rise to a qualitatively new level of his life, a level of happiness and love. After all, this is exactly why we are given all life crises, for a qualitative breakthrough, and we need to use them for their intended purpose.
The approach taken at these sites is unique. The main feature of our methodology is the fundamentality of those laws on the knowledge of which it is based. We do not use light strokes to treat chronic illness. We do not suggest that you become an object of testing the correctness of the psychological concept of the next guru. We turn to the essence of what love is and help a person learn to love with precisely this, true love. And true love makes a person spiritually healthy and happy.
This approach turned out to be very popular among the audience. Each of our sites today is the most popular Russian-language resource in its field. They are visited (in 2016) by more than fifty thousand people a day, without any advertising. People turn to us precisely because so many have already been able to solve their problems here. Thousands of stories posted on websites, thousands of grateful responses, show how successfully the technique works.
The book invites you to reconsider some of the common cliches that exist in the minds of a modern person, depriving him of love and making him unhappy and sick. You can't start a family if you don't know how to love. Therefore, our book is not only about love and family. It touches on themes of good and evil, depression, selfishness, relationships with parents, freedom, happiness and success.
Love is what every person needs most. More than money, fame, pleasure. And at the same time, love is the biggest shortage in the modern world. That's why people suffer. First, the parental family gets sick from lack of love, the parents stop loving each other and in many cases break up, then the unloved child goes into the world with his lack of love, trying to make up for what he has not received through various means, but nothing works, and he creates another underfamily, dooming the next generation of children to torment...
This book will help you break this relay of misfortune. Just reading a book will not make you a truly loving and loved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, the lack of love may end for you. And you will be able to create a full-fledged family and make your future children much happier.
The book includes a number of articles posted on our websites, but most of the chapters were written specifically for this book as the quintessence of the fundamental points of the sites' content. The life stories included in the book are also borrowed from our websites.
To save your time, I have made this book concise and concise. Therefore, if you read it, then read it carefully. Every paragraph has meaning and can reveal something important to you.
There are no exercises in this book. In fact, just reading it will be a workout, since many of the statements contained in this book will be difficult for you to accept without doubt. You will be surprised and indignant. We'll have to think about it. The book invites you to serious analysis and creativity to transform your life.
* * *This is what one of her first readers wrote about the need for such books.
“This book is imperfect, but there is something very important in it: a path, a direction of movement for a person who is suffocating, rushing about, suffering, and does not understand why.