In one Moscow newspaper under the heading “EUREKA” I read a small article, which I quote almost in full. "WHY ARE CRIMINALS CALLED BY RARE NAMES? Among young criminals in the United States, researchers David Calist and Daniel Lee from Shippensburg University (California) extremely rarely met teenagers with the most popular names in America, John or Michael... But among those with the names Alec, Ernest, Ivan, Karim and Malcolm were found to be higher in the juvenile delinquency database."
Since my grandfather's name was Ivan, I immediately rushed to check everything. This is what the result turned out to be.
The city of Shippensburg is located not in California, but in Pennsylvania, its population is a little over five thousand six hundred. There really is a university there, and that’s good. In many of our cities with such a large population and a second high school you won't find it. Great Internet immediately made it clear that the authors of the study were students initial courses, they piled up their abstract (apparently coursework) and posted it on the university website. This is, in essence, a rather mediocre student's work. The Shippensburg boys artlessly, although rather diligently, analyzed the police statistics available to them. At the end of their work, they wrote that if among the population of criminal neighborhoods and suburbs someone is called by a name that is unconventional for these places, this child has a high chance of going to prison. They did not explain why in their work. Either they were lazy, or they simply didn’t know what to say. But they advised the policemen to pay special attention in advance to the behavior of the American Ivans and Karimovs from the urban poor.
But I'll explain. When I served in the police (I caught crooks there), I had a colleague named Adolf. His parents named him that at birth in 1938 in honor of the then best friend USSR, German leader Adolf Hitler. It is clear that the time came when at school they began to call him simply Hitler, which Adolf did not like. In the end, he inevitably hit one of the name-callers on the head with a log and almost ended up in a children's colony. Fortunately, they had a wonderful local police officer; people like him don’t exist anymore. A sergeant-major by rank, he very sensibly explained to all Adolf’s offenders that by calling him Hitler, they were committing a state crime by promoting fascism. And for this the whole family, including the grandmother, can go to prison. The school fell into horror, Adolf was carried in his arms until graduation, then he went to work in the police, where twenty years later I met him. A wonderful man, Adolf Mikhalych, kind-hearted and a lover of life, I have met few like him. But he was lucky in that he had a good local police officer.
Others, whom half-normal parents called rare names: Dazdraperma (Long live the First of May!), Engelmarx, Stalilena, Mels (Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin), Alphonse (well, everyone understands this), Albert, Eduard and even, oddly enough, Georgiy - less fortunate. If they were not born into elite families of party workers, protected from the surrounding everyday life, in the courtyards, on the streets and in school corridors they were thrashed for wonderful names without any fear of falling under political article. So as not to show off. Those who are beaten for no reason sooner or later become embittered and respond to cruelty with super-cruelty. Not necessarily to specific offenders, but simply to the entire world around us. And subsequently they end up in prison. That's the whole secret. If, from birth, by your own stupidity, by the unusualness of the name, you place your child in an exceptional position in a ferocious and ruthless children's pack and cannot protect him from this pack - reap the results. What is there to study there? In addition, it is obvious that the exotic Ivans and Karims for America are the children of immigrants who have not sufficiently adapted to the specific environment of American towns.
But further in the same newspaper there is a continuation: “According to the Russian scientist Boris Khigir, some names tend to calm the psyche, while others, on the contrary, excite. The result of the influence depends on the timbre and frequency of the sounds of the pronounced name.”
Boris Khigir became famous in the early 1990s for writing many books about names. He still writes. By names, he claims, one can determine a person’s future, past, character, passions, and even find a mate for him. The preface to one of Boris Khigir’s books (this preface was written by a woman with the mysterious name Natalia Tolly) says that he, “being naturally observant, was once amazed at how the docile character of the tigress Elsa had changed (Khigir then worked in the circus. - Author. ) when the trainer changed her name." After this, Higir began studying human names.
This is the normal evolution of any researcher. All the greats scientific discoveries were carried out with the help of animals: fruit flies, laboratory rats and mice, as well as dogs. It's the same with names. Although, strictly speaking, Boris Khigir cannot be considered a pioneer. It has been known since the time of Turgenev: if you name a dog Mumu, it will certainly drown. If you call her Laika, she will die heroically in space. The tigress is even more understandable: she was Elsa, but became, for example, Bug. I wonder what results the trainer expected? Usually my name is Borey, and when they suddenly call me Volodya, I do not respond and do not carry out the commands given, even for a reward.
Again a quote from the newspaper. Words by Boris Khigir. “For some reason, in Russia, Sergei is the most criminal name. However, character is determined not only by the name, but also by the patronymic. Difficult character patronymics Dmitrievich, Nikolaevich, Eduardovich, Semenovich, Konstantinovich contribute. Sergei Sergeevich is a terribly negative combination."
I really want to argue with authority about Sergeev. There was Sergius of Radonezh, Sergei Yesenin, Sergei Pavlovich Korolev, Sergei Sergeevich Prokofiev (those who were truly unlucky!). Hello now are other well-known and previously unconvicted Sergei: Bezrukov, Lukyanenko and even, not to mention, Zverev.
And again the word from Natalia Tolly: “Since childhood, he (Boris Khigir. - Author) ended up in the circus, where he first looked after animals, and then worked as a juggler... Subsequent work as a massage therapist at a school of sports skills, where through the hands of Khigir in the literal sense of the word hundreds of people passed through, gave him a rich opportunity to compare and contrast the characters of people with their names."
Judging by his first and last name, the author of these lines is extremely wise woman, because he understands: the main thing to become a real scientist is observation and life experience. Everything else is deeply secondary. When Boris Khigir worked in the circus, I worked part-time at the Kursk station as a porter, gaining life experience. Hundreds of people and thousands of their suitcases also passed through my hands, which gives me every reason to engage in serious science and become, like him, a Russian scientist.
I believe that Higir's conclusion about the Sergeevs is somewhat hasty. Truly scientific assessment the dangers of this name require involvement mathematical apparatus game theory. He tossed a coin: the “obverse” came up - immediately, literally kindergarten, get ready for jail. But if it’s “reverse”, there is every chance of becoming a stylist or actor. And if he turns out to be a great composer, poet or designer of space rockets.
However, Boris Khigir is ready to predict by name not only the prospect of receiving a criminal record or a state award, but also the state of health and the name of the owner.
Quote from another newspaper about the science created by Khigir: “Among those who are predisposed to pulmonary diseases, for example, Natalia, Vladimir, Yana, Alexey, Alexandra are most often found. Neurotics are most often seen among Nikolaev, Dmitriev, Igor, Ekaterin, Angel, Tamar Diseases of the cardiovascular system plague owners of such names as Olga, Zoya, Arkady, Boris, Valentin, Yuri, gastrointestinal tract- people with the names Nina, Inga, Alena (not to be confused with Elena), Daria, Anatoly, Victor."
To avoid the inevitable, it is written in the newspaper, you just need to ask Boris Khigir to help with the renaming. “Higir never refuses anyone. Sometimes it takes him two weeks to come up with a new name. The result has never disappointed either the master himself or his wards. Some time after the name change, according to Boris Yuryevich, before a completely different person appeared to him! The way it happened, for example, with 8-year-old Nana (formerly Dasha). Until she was renamed, she was a real hedgehog: neurasthenic, uncontrollable, prickly. It came to a visit to a child psychiatrist. Having become Nana on the advice of Higir (whom her parents asked for), the girl was transformed. She became softer, calmer. Not a trace remained of yesterday's problems" (from the same newspaper).
I met Boris Khigir about ten years ago in the same company. Having learned that I write all sorts of articles and books, he immediately began to tell me about his science. It is clear that I offered to demonstrate his method personally on myself and on the example of my wife. Unfortunately, he did not succeed in either the first or the second. Almost everything is out of place. Almost - because anyone attentive, sophisticated life experience the person is quite capable of giving psychological characteristics interlocutor, very close to the true one, and even guess by some signs the approximate occupation - for example, by professional tattoos. But I didn’t have any tattoos, and defining the past and future solely by name is, of course, complete nonsense. So I told him right away. He clever man, so he didn’t spend any more time on me with his science. And I can perfectly imagine how he, smart, charming, explains to a little girl that all her troubles come from the wrong name and all she has to do is change it... And the girl believes, and changing her name really works, because she believes Boris Khigir, who performs in in this case as a good psychotherapist. Although it is still worth following the fate of this girl in order to draw final conclusions. What if she someday reads Emile Zola’s novel “Nana” about a Parisian courtesan, the embodiment of vices, who died terrible death, and will understand that the refusal to be called Dasha was somewhat reckless.
But I also imagine how many others, who suddenly believed that their temporary or repeated failures, illnesses or family conflicts were to blame for their parents, who named them incorrectly, realize that for this very reason there is no way out of trouble...
The science of onomastics (more precisely, its section - anthroponymy) deals with the study of human names. It is extremely complex, interesting and important science, which allows us to explore by name - by GENERAL NAME - surname the origins of families and clans, the ways and circumstances of the migration of peoples and much, much more, which makes it possible to better understand who we are, beings of the human race - “homosapiens”, on this planet. This science will not make you better or happier (unless you do it yourself) - that is not the goal of science, any science. It will just help connect the knots of the past and present, explain tiny, but infinitely important pieces for everyone personal history individual person and his loved ones. From such pieces, like a mosaic, the history of peoples and humanity gradually and difficultly takes shape. For many years, on the pages of the magazine “Science and Life,” the wonderful scientist and philologist Alexandra Vasilievna Superanskaya talks about exactly this.
Higir's books (as well as the stories of astrologers, experts in human aura, Feng Shui, etc., etc.) can only be read seriously by the gullible. Those of them who have the correct names are lucky. And those who have incorrect ones (according to Higir) are out of luck. And if two trusting people (a man and a woman) separated, and then read from Higir that this was due to a mismatch of names, and calmed down, this is bad. Because both of them will most likely select their next partners by name, but they will most likely never think about what fools they themselves are.
He’s a nice guy, this Boris Khigir, he’s great because he figured out how to make money where no one had made money before, and he also made money for the publishers and sellers of his books. By the way, they are sold in departments occult sciences next to astrology and palmistry. Maybe he himself already believed in what he came up with and doesn’t know what he’s doing. He fools a little, deceives a little, fascinates a little with the feeling of the unknown... All this, in essence, is not such a big evil.
But the laws of our current Russian Universe are such that every small evil sticks to a large one, multiplying its destructive power.
This consideration alone became the reason why I wrote this article.
Greetings, my friends! 
Has it ever happened to you that you “stepped on the throat of your own song” so that those around you (or some special person) didn't think badly of you? Surely it happened. It's an extremely common occurrence where we try to look "good" to other people and do things that we wouldn't do under other circumstances. Of course, no one wants to show the unsightly side of themselves, however, quite often it happens that in an effort to please everyone, a person loses his individuality. But this is already serious!
How does the “be good” attitude arise?
Very often we are taught to “be good” from childhood. This happens especially often in families 
where parents are focused on certain “social standards” and rules. AND public opinion is for them a very serious indicator of their importance and weight in society. "What will people say?" – one of the most important parameters that they focus on in their lives. Naturally, when raising a child, this is also taken as a basis. “Don’t run!”, “Don’t shout!”, “Don’t get into a puddle!”, “Don’t ask stupid questions!” etc. But a child cannot become a static doll who will sit decorously on a chair with her hands folded on her knees. Children hear the voice of their Soul much better and strive to explore the world in all its diversity. But “proper adults” constantly scold for this. And gradually the child understands that you can just pretend to be a good boy and pretend that you are quiet and obedient. Then the adults will be satisfied, praise and leave behind.
And this is how, from childhood, a subconscious attitude is implanted in us that “you need to be good!” – if you meet the expectations of others, a reward awaits you – approval. And if you don’t justify it, then you are “bad”! This attitude is very powerful. But can it be unambiguously attributed to negative attitudes? But here everything is not so simple!
Roles and masks
On the one hand, of course, the desire to please everyone can deprive you of your individuality. And this very often happens if a person is weak enough as an individual and needs approval from others. If your subconscious program“being good” is superimposed on low, then you can even completely lose yourself under all those masks that you put on 
depending on the situation. Moreover, these masks can be very different for the same person. For example, a teenager in the company of his friends can behave very rudely and cheekily, fearing ridicule from friends and accusations like “mama’s boy.” And the same teenager, coming home, becomes an “exemplary child” in order to avoid the displeasure of his parents.
As you age, these masks tend to “fuse” with you so firmly that you stop perceiving and feeling them as masks. If a child or teenager is most often aware that he is pretending to be good in order to avoid punishment or censure, then an adult quite often simply gets used to behaving “correctly” to the extent that he continues to do “the right thing” without thinking whether this is what he himself needs.
Such a desire to “be good” can lead to completely absurd situations in which a person would never have found himself if not for the attitude of “following decency.” Well, for example, a situation when a girl on the eve of her wedding 
suddenly realizes that she does not love her fiancé and does not want to marry him. But! The restaurant has been booked, the dress has been purchased, and the guests have been invited. It is indecent to refuse! It would be such a scandal and shame! And in order for everything to look “no worse than others,” she connects her life with someone she doesn’t love, essentially depriving herself of the opportunity to find true happiness in love. In the same way, many spouses live in marriage literally hating each other, but do not divorce because “it is bad, wrong and indecent.”
We have already considered the extreme manifestations of the “be good” attitude. But even in ordinary life, it can quite spoil your life if it is not recognized in time.
Not the institute where you would like to go to study? But prestigious! Not the job you'd like to do? But it's a reputable company! Not the guy you like? But eligible bachelor and from a good family!
So gradually - one thing, another, a third... You look, and you’re no longer living your life at all.
Not “to be good”, but to be yourself!
But this quality also has another side - productive. If you don’t get hung up on being good to everyone, then this desire to gain the approval of people who are significant and valued to you stimulates you to work on yourself and self-improvement. And this is already very productive - because you now strive to BE, and not to SEEM. That is, you really change yourself, and don’t pretend.
As you can see, friends, it is necessary to maintain a balance here, not allowing this attitude to depersonalize you and hide you behind masks, but using it as an incentive for development. How to do this practically? Well, of course, using . Monitor your behavior. Ask yourself: “Who am I doing this for? Do I want this myself, or am I doing this to create a better impression of myself?” Usually this state is easy to track, because at this moment you yourself do not want what you are depicting.
Work with your belief that you need to be good to everyone. I wrote about how to work through beliefs.
But there is no need to go to the other extreme - to deny all decency and not give a damn about 
other people's opinions. In order to live in harmony with yourself, you do not need to oppose yourself to the rest of the world. Struggle has never been and never will be a way to find happiness.
And, of course, this the most important step in eliminating the “be good” attitude! If your self-esteem is high enough, you no longer need anyone's approval. You yourself know very well that you are good!
So, if you now realize that you often live and act in a way that is not at all what you would like, work on yourself:
- track situations in which you try to “be good”;
- try to understand how you yourself would like to act in this situation;
- identify the beliefs that cause you to act against your true desires
- label these beliefs as “constraining”;
- replace them positive beliefs with help (for example, “I always do as my Soul tells me!” or “I harmonious personality and I follow my Path”, etc.);
- live consciously, tracking your behavior and analyzing it - do not let yourself “put on the mask of goodness” again.
This is how you can gradually come back to your Soul and find your unique individuality!
Your Ekaterina :))
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We all want to be liked by others, we want to be loved, to say only good things about us. But what can such a desire lead to? Is it useful for ourselves? Or is the goal of being good and convenient for everyone doomed to failure in advance?
If you look around your surroundings, you will probably find a person who would be defined as “good”. This is a non-conflict person, responsive, always polite and friendly, ready to help and support at any time. And you yourself often want to be the same... Why?
From childhood, we develop certain behavior patterns that help us adapt to life in society. One of them is the “be good” model, which helps you get support and recognition without making any effort. special effort. Children quickly learn: if you are good, you will receive a gift from your parents, and the teacher will be more favorable to you than to a bully.
Over time, this model can become the basis of our entire life, business and personal relationships. What does this lead to and what problems await a good person?
1. IF YOU ARE TENDED TO SACRIFICE YOUR INTERESTS TO PLEASE OTHERS
Politeness and the desire to avoid conflicts can lead to the fact that at some point we begin to sacrifice our interests for the sake of others. This happens due to the fear of being rejected (by friends at school, colleagues, the yard company). It's important for us to feel like we're okay and loved because that's what makes us feel safe.
The desire to please everyone around us forces us to maintain our brand always and everywhere, to be good in a taxi, in a store, in the subway. You will automatically want to do something to please the driver. And now you are already giving more tips than you should, and you are doing it completely unexpectedly for yourself. Or you start entertaining the hairdresser with conversations, instead of just relaxing in the chair. Or don’t reprimand the manicurist who applied the polish unevenly, you’ve been going to this salon for years, why spoil it? good impression About Me.
As children, we quickly learn that if you are good, you will receive a gift from your parents.
As a result, our focus shifts from internal to external: instead of directing resources to work on ourselves, we spend all our efforts on external signs. It’s more important to us what they think and say about us, and we do everything just to be appreciated and approved.
We are no longer even interested in our own well-being; we harm ourselves by doing things we don’t like, or remain silent when our interests are violated.
We deny ourselves for the sake of others. Sometimes this is the reason for a sharp change in mood, at work and at home, when a conflict-free and polite person in the family becomes a real monster. It’s quite easy to be nice to strangers, but at home we take off our masks and lash out at our loved ones - we scream, swear, and punish our children. After all, the family already loves us and is not going anywhere, we can not stand on ceremony with them and finally relax and become ourselves.
Everyone needs to wean themselves from such behavior - to the big boss or petty clerk, child or parent. Because it is a matter of balancing your life, what you yourself give and receive. And if you don’t respond in kind to your loved ones who give you so much, your life may take a turn, your family will fall apart, your friends will turn away.
2. IF YOU CONSTANTLY NEED APPROVAL
This model of behavior forms a painful dependence on the approval of others. From morning to night we need to hear compliments, recognition of talent or beauty. This is the only way we feel confident, inspired, and able to do something.
It works like an energy dope that is needed constantly to block inner emptiness, because everything external becomes important, and internal values, feelings and sensations fade into the background.
If you strive to be good in both places, sooner or later it will lead to a feeling of devastation.
This pattern leads to a categorical perception of everything that happens to you. A striking example- a person who reacts painfully to any remark, even to constructive criticism. In his model any Feedback perceived only by two indicators: “I am good” or “I am bad.”
And now you no longer see where is black and where is white, where is truth and where is flattery. It becomes more and more difficult to communicate with you, you are touchy and eventually turn into a neurotic, because you see an “enemy” in everyone who does not admire you, and if someone criticizes you, then there is only one reason - he is jealous of such a good person, how are you.
3. IF YOU WANT TO PLEASE EVERYONE
Your friends quarreled, and you want to remain good for both of them? But that doesn't happen. As the poet said: “You cannot be with both of them without betraying both.” If you strive to be good here and there, or are neutral everywhere, sooner or later this will lead to a feeling of devastation. And most likely both friends will feel betrayed, and you will lose both.
Another side of this coin is that you try so hard to be useful to others, do so much for them, that at a certain point you begin to demand the same attitude towards yourself. Internal anxiety and resentment appear, and you begin to blame everyone. This addiction works the same way as any other addiction: it leads to destruction. A man loses himself.
The feeling of wasted effort, time, and energy does not leave you. After all, you have spent so much effort, but there are no dividends. And you are bankrupt, energetically and personally. You feel lonely, irritated, and it seems to you that no one understands you. And at some point they really stop understanding you.
It’s quite easy to be nice to strangers, but at home we take off the mask and take it out on our loved ones
Let's face it, it's nice to deal with good people, and we all want to have such friends around. But for real good people not those who always follow the lead of others and agree with other people’s opinions in everything. These are those who know how to be honest and frank, who are able to be themselves, who are willing to give, but at the same time defend their interests, beliefs and values, while maintaining dignity.
Such people are not afraid to show their dark sides and easily accept the shortcomings of others. They know how to adequately perceive people and life, and do not demand anything in return for their attention or help. This self-confidence gives them a sense of success in work and in personal relationships.
Perhaps it is safe to say that today the phrase “good cheap perfume” is heard much more often than “high-quality elite perfume,” and therefore no one will be surprised if we say that the demand for high-quality and low-quality perfumes is distributed accordingly.
Composition of expensive and cheap perfumes
As you know, elite and simply expensive perfumes consist of natural ingredients, such as essential oils, organic products of plant or animal origin. In addition to them, this also includes, of course, distilled water and alcohol.
As for mass-market perfumes, they also contain fragrance, although in this case it is not natural, but synthetic. But, according to the manufacturers of such products, even synthetically created perfume components can be of quite high quality and good. And regarding their aromas, in general, they say that a common person, who has little understanding of the intricacies of perfume compositions, is unlikely to distinguish a copy from the original. After all, most often in mass-market products you can find copies of popular perfumes, which differ from recent changes one or two notes. The same cannot be said about fakes that try to exactly copy the original by using low-quality components (which often leads to the formation of an allergic rash and even poisoning).
Regarding the percentage of fragrance content, it is clear that in high-quality perfumes there will be much more of them (about 15% and higher), while in perfumes from a simple stall its amount will be approximately 4-10%. All this affects both the durability of the fragrance and its price.
Price and durability of simple perfumes
Despite widespread advertising that even cheap perfumes can last up to 60 hours, many who frequently wear them will disagree with this claim. It is quite possible that more expensive perfume options can last up to several hours in a row, while the cheapest ones will disappear from the skin in one or two hours.
According to manufacturers, this factor is partially influenced by the nature of the aroma. Thus, they claim that those containing aldehyde aromas and spices themselves last on the skin longer than those that belong to the group of marine and refreshing compositions.
Be that as it may, when buying this or that product, one must always be aware that in the world of perfumes the price-quality ratio is the most immediate, and therefore, wanting to buy something cheaper, but at the same time at least a little better than What we see at the market, it’s worth paying attention only to those perfumes whose price starts at about 20-25 dollars.
Moreover, to all this is added the fact that for most perfume houses, and even simple mass producers, it is extremely unprofitable to bottle their perfumes in 10-15 ml bottles, and therefore all these small jars are obvious fakes, from which you can expect something good things don't happen. Therefore, you should only buy 100 ml bottles, in rare cases– 50 ml.
Appearance and packaging
Here I would like to repeat again and say that now we are not talking about the so-called “replicas” produced by Turkey or China. IN this moment we are considering ordinary perfumes designed for the average person. So, practice shows that simple manufacturing companies also, following the example of their well-known colleagues, still try to sell their goods in packages made of good cardboard, pouring perfume into bottles of the most bizarre shapes and designs.
Sometimes it can happen that it resembles one brand, but appearance The bottle in which it is sold is completely different. It is not considered counterfeit or an error if the fragrance has its own name.
And one more amazing fact. According to the owners of perfume chains themselves, counterfeits are rarely found in the mass market. That is, it is not beneficial for anyone to counterfeit an inexpensive product, so even this has its advantages.
From all of the above, we can conclude that you also need to know how to buy cheap perfume. Moreover, if you follow all the rules for choosing and evaluating them, you can really choose a good perfume with a pleasant aroma that will not cause any allergic rash if it comes into contact with your skin.
The idea for writing this article came after one of our colleagues told us ordinary story, but with a very important subtext. He was standing in line at the supermarket checkout. There were several people ahead of him, and at the very beginning there was a little girl holding a bag of candy in her hands. At the same time, she did not make a purchase, but simply looked in confusion at the other customers who, paying at the checkout, passed by her. But one man noticed the girl standing alone and asked her if she needed help. The girl replied that she wanted to buy candy. The man let her go ahead so she could pay, and then made his purchase. She was too nice and didn't want to bother the cashier. So the girl just waited for someone to pay attention to her.
This story teaches one important lesson:
When you try to be good to everyone, they simply don't notice you.
But this story has a continuation that points to another thought. When it was our colleague’s turn to make a purchase, a woman called out to him from behind. He immediately noticed that she had three small children with her, and she was holding a bottle of water in her hands. The woman politely asked to be let ahead because she only had one bottle, unlike our colleague’s filled basket. He let her through, of course, and then paid for it himself.
And from this comes another important lesson:
By speaking directly about your desires, you will get what you want faster.
Many people sacrifice their interests in order to appear good. But by and large, this is just a deception, which does not bring any benefit. Quite the contrary. Classic situation: in a restaurant they serve you undercooked meat or you find it on your plate. long hair. In every sense, it is right to report this to the restaurant staff in order to prevent similar incidents in the future, thereby taking care of other customers as well. But a person who is too nice to point out the restaurant's shortcomings to the waiter will remain silent. Due to the fact that he is uncomfortable telling others the unpleasant truth, he will prefer to sacrifice his interests. It follows that…
…good people are afraid to be honest
But telling the waiter the truth in this case is not rudeness or pickiness. This your right client. And silence is tantamount to lying, especially if before leaving the waiter kindly asks you if everything was okay. People who try to appear nice prefer to skirt the truth so as not to disappoint their interlocutor. However, they do not always realize that their lies are destructive. And first of all for themselves.
A good man is a weak man
Many people think that pleasing others makes them look good, when in fact they are not. People around pay attention to this quality and begin to use it. Excessive kindness is a bait. Such good-natured people are considered stupid and weak, and they often become victims of deception or robbery. Despite the fact that each of us was taught from childhood to be polite and kind, you must see the difference between what is really good and what is not. You can only show kindness to those who do it in return. Being honest is the mark of a truly good person. The truth, even if it is unpleasant, should be hidden only if it does not change anything. IN otherwise this is a sign of cowardice.
Good people don't speak directly
Instead, they pepper the conversation with irrelevant backstories or excuses. And this is done again in order to seem positive. However, they do not understand that this behavior is conspicuous and annoying.
It is better to tell the person directly what you want, because streamlined phrases will not change their meaning. Maybe his house is on fire, and you spend half an hour ranting about how fires in this area have become more frequent and what to do new life It is possible without old furniture.
To be heard, speak clearly
A successful person uses clear language and always speaks to the point. Especially when it comes to work, where insincerity can lead to financial losses. Such people are valued more for their reliability and professionalism. In business, no one needs your sweet praise and fawning. You must be trusted as a partner. And if this requires sometimes being tough, then they will love you even more for it.
A person who is too good resembles a child whose body has grown, but not his soul.
In fact, real respect goes to the not-so-nice guys. You need to be decent, strong, fair, but you don’t have to be good, especially if it brings you harm. Being nice is not the best best quality adult man. This trait is more suitable for children - for this they are forgiven everything. But children do not confront the problems of our world. Unlike you.
Be sincere and don't deceive yourself. This is also useful in relationships with women. To gain their recognition, words will definitely not be enough. Good guy for a girl, this is the one who will take care of her and prove his love through actions. And you can say sweet words about love, but only after.
Sometimes you have to be tough
It is impossible to always be good in order to remain attractive to others. In some situations you will have to be tough, otherwise you will become an easy target for others. Let's give a rough one, but clear example. Let's say you are attacked by a ferocious dog. She has a death grip on your hand or body and is not going to let go. The only way to get rid of her bite is to hit her with something heavy. Will you think about the fact that she will be in pain and suffer? First of all, you will think about the safety of your life. First of all, they are important for everyone own interests. And to follow them, you need to free yourself from the strong grip of conformism.