How to calm down someone who misses you. Emergency psychological assistance: how to properly console a person in trouble

First, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person inside out, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. "There are some general stages experiences of grief. You may well be guided by them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs individual approach“, explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Gestalt Center Nina Rubshtein

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support someone if they are in shock

Stage No. 1: usually the person is completely shocked, confused and simply cannot believe the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be close without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people it is very important tactile contact, the opportunity to see the interlocutor in front of you live. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not necessary,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to stay close and refuses to communicate, do not try to get him to talk. Contrary to your expectations, things will not get easier for him. It’s worth talking about what happened only when your loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to, hold hands, stroke the head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.”

What to do. A loss loved one, sudden terrible diseases and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also a lot of worries. Don’t think that providing this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional investment and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: calling, finding out, negotiating. Or give the unfortunate person a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor’s waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: clean up, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage No. 2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that communication at this moment is difficult. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, to be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolences

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use common phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a manifestation of politeness and nothing more. But when we're talking about about a loved one, you need something more than a formality. Of course, there is no template that fits every situation. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

If you don’t know what to say, be silent. Better hug once again, show that you are nearby and ready to help at any moment.
Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine,” “everything will pass,” and “life goes on.” You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. This kind of talk is annoying.
Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate one in this situation is: “How can I help?” Everything else will wait.
Never utter words that could devalue the importance of what happened. “And some people can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
If your goal is to provide moral support to a friend, first of all you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm you down.

How to support someone if they are depressed

Stage No. 3: at this time the person becomes aware of what happened. Expect your friend to be depressed and depressive state. But there is also good news: he begins to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly your loved one expects from you.

Some people need to talk about what happened."There are people who difficult situation It is vital to speak out loud your emotions, fears and experiences. A friend doesn’t need condolences; your job is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but you shouldn’t give advice or put in your two cents in every possible way,” advises Marianna Volkova.
Some people need a distraction to cope with grief. You are required to talk about extraneous topics, to involve a person in resolving some issues. Invent urgent things that require full concentration and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
There are people who are in difficult life situations They prefer loneliness - this makes it easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get under their skin with the best of intentions. Simply put, to forcefully “do good.” Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are nearby and ready to provide all possible help at any time.

What to do.

In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiate, communicate and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
You must help your friend move a little away from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option is playing sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, court or yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
In the third case, you only need what is asked of you. Don't insist on anything. Invite them to “go out and unwind” (what if they agree?), but always leave the choice up to the person and don’t be intrusive.

How to support someone when they have already experienced grief

Stage No. 4: This is a period of adaptation. One might say – rehabilitation.

What should I say. It is at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel and other attributes of life without mourning.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, you don’t need to try to somehow behave “correctly” in his company. You should not try to forcefully cheer up, shake and bring to your senses. At the same time, you cannot avoid direct glances or sit with a sour face. The more familiar you establish the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

No matter what stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help that is not needed. For example, forcefully send you to a psychologist. Here you will have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experience of trouble, sadness - natural process, which, as a rule, does not need professional help, says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “grief work”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: allowing oneself to feel, to face experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, and “stuck” may occur at any stage. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Cons of support

The tragedy they experience sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. We are, of course, not talking about the first, the most difficult period. But they may demand from you permanent presence for a long time. Yours personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed upon dates have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but the natural result will be a damaged relationship.

The financial issue is no less important. Happens, time is running, everything that was needed has been done, and the need for investment never goes away. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” reminds Anna Shishkovskaya. – Otherwise, the accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be good not to lead to a scandal, but to define the boundaries in time.”

Personal dramas are just one of those very troubles that friends find themselves in. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, you should rush to help only if you sincerely want it.

Has your girlfriend, boyfriend or stranger had an accident? Do you want to support and comfort him, but you don’t know how best to do this? What words can be said and what words should not be said? Passion.ru will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, such as death loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that is happening, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
Suffering phase. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory and sleep. The person also experiences constant anxiety, desire to retire, lethargy. Stomach pain and a feeling of a lump in the throat may occur. If a person experiences the death of a loved one, then during this period he may idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. Characterized by restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan your activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less often.
Recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief gives way to sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Is it necessary to console a person? Undoubtedly, yes. If the victim is not given help, this can lead to infectious diseases, heart diseases, alcoholism, accidents, and depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as best you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person is not listening to you or is not paying attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console strangers? If you feel sufficient moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person doesn’t push you away, doesn’t run away, doesn’t scream, then you’re doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in consoling people you know and people you don't know? Actually - no. The only difference is that you know one person more, another less. Once again, if you feel empowered, then help. Stay close, talk, involve general activities. Don't be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods psychological support in the two most difficult stages of grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

Don't leave the person alone.
Touch the victim unobtrusively. You can take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, pat your loved ones on the head, or hug. Monitor the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch or does he push away? If it pushes you away, don’t impose yourself, but don’t leave.
Make sure that the person being consoled rests more and does not forget about meals.
Keep the victim occupied with simple activities, such as some funeral work.
Listen actively. A person may say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and keep returning to emotional experiences. Avoid advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand him. Help the victim simply talk through his experiences and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

Talk about the past in the past tense.
If you know the deceased, tell him something good about him.

You can't say:

“You can’t recover from such a loss,” “Only time heals,” “You are strong, be strong.” These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
“Everything is God’s will” (helps only deeply religious people), “I’m tired of it,” “He will be better there,” “Forget about it.” Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, since they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
“You are young, beautiful, you will get married/have a child.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And they tell him to dream.
“If only the ambulance had arrived on time,” “If only the doctors had paid more attention to her,” “If only I hadn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate subjunctive mood, and secondly, similar expressions only intensifies the bitterness of loss.
Your behavior:
In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
Let's give it to the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
Organize for him physical activity. For example, take him for a walk, keep him busy physical work around the house.
If the victim wants to cry, do not stop him from doing so. Help him cry. Don't hold back your emotions - cry with him.
If he shows anger, don’t interfere.

Your words:

If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the area of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings.” Tell me how you feel.
Tell me that this suffering will not last forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. Tactfully avoiding these topics hurts more than mentioning the tragedy.

You can't say:

“Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
“And someone has it worse than you.” Such topics can help in situations of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare one person's grief with another's. Conversations that involve comparison can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

There is no point in telling the victim: “If you need help, contact/call me” or asking him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little, take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema. Sometimes this has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to seem intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support someone if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn't answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write an SMS or email e-mail. Express your condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the deceased from the brightest sides.

Remember that helping a person overcome grief is necessary, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, this will help not only him to cope with the loss. If the loss also affected you, by helping another, you yourself will be able to survive the grief easier, with less losses for your own mental state. And this will also save you from feelings of guilt - you won’t reproach yourself for the fact that you could have helped, but didn’t, brushing aside other people’s troubles and problems.

Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist

During the day, a person experiences many feelings and emotions, some of which we can control, and some of which are extremely difficult to control. How to cope with uncontrollable emotions that go beyond the normal behavior and emotional state of a person, such as hysteria, despair, emotional breakdown? How to help a person when he is in a state of hysteria or complete despair?

At such moments, it is very important that someone is close to the person experiencing such powerful emotions.

The first thing is necessary when a person is already immersed in a state of hysteria, melancholy, sadness, it's just to hug him, firmly and with love, because it’s not easy for a person now. And at this moment words are not needed, sit there until the emotions subside.

Next, listen carefully, without interrupting, to the person, sincerely show interest in his problem, put yourself in his position. It is necessary for the person to speak out, as if to talk about his problem, with details. During the conversation, emotions may rage again, a second wave of hysteria, but be patient, calming down again.

During the conversation, the person is still on the verge of a breakdown and therefore choose your words carefully so as not to offend nothing more than this raging “volcano” of emotions. Phrases such as “Be taller”, “It’s such little things” or “Get your act together!” leave them for later, they can only make a person feel embarrassed about his condition. He will understand that his behavior has gone beyond the bounds of decency and will turn his problem inward, which should not be allowed in such situations.

There are two options: either do not bring yourself to such states, or if this has already happened, fully allow this state to manifest itself by coming out. That's why the best option will calmly listen to a friend, occasionally agreeing with him and completely entering into his position, into the situation in which he finds himself. This way he will gradually calm down. Don’t act indifferent, try to understand, because you could be in his place in the same situation, and you, too, would want warmth and attention at such moments.

Perhaps your interlocutor will need help or advice, so ask if there is anything you can do to help him in this situation. Sometimes just being around that person is enough.

After such an emotional outburst help the person come to normal condition, distracting him from the problem. If possible, go outdoors together, cook something special, watch a comedy.

Such emotional states are very draining on a person’s morale; your task is to support and help restore balance. Sometimes it's hard to cope with yourself alone.

Sometimes the hysteria goes far and lasts for more than an hour. What to do in such situations?

Start asking distracting questions simple questions, the person will begin to answer them little by little, turn on logical thinking and thereby reduce your emotional outburst. This way, affective tension is quickly relieved and leads to sober assessment situations.

With prolonged hysteria, which can last for hours and almost lead to physical fainting, it is sometimes necessary to use extreme measures.

In such cases, you can try to bring the person back to his senses in a harsh way - slap him in the face, sharply pull him by the arm, or do something similar. It will be a bit of a shock to him, but it will help distract him from the state in which he is so deeply immersed. This will bring the person “to the surface” for a while and help regain self-control.

This is where it is necessary to force a person to talk about his condition, problem, situation in which he finds himself. Next, support, as described above, and help find a solution to the problem or a way out of the current situation.

Sometimes a person reaches a dead end and begins to struggle from powerlessness, not finding a way out. But another person’s “outside view” can easily find it. Give the person a hint or share your speculations about this, and then the interlocutor will be able to handle it himself.

What should you not do in such situations?

First, at such times it is inappropriate to teach, instruct or lecture a person: “I told you that you need to be afraid of him/you need to be careful/you can’t do that.” This will only awaken a feeling of guilt in him, which will aggravate his situation and aggravate his condition.

Secondly, after listening to your interlocutor’s story, you should not mention your problem, which seems similar to yours . This takes the conversation in a different direction, focusing on yourself, you leaving an upset person unattended. There is no need to compare problems, assess the situation, reduce the significance of what happened or, conversely, exaggerate the scale of what happened. Yes, our problems are all similar in essence, but they still have their own characteristics and should not be lumped together with the same brush. It’s better to try to understand your friend’s situation and give advice based on the data collected.

And finally one more little advice for those who find themselves close to a person in an emotional state.

Don't let yourself fall into the same state. Entering into the position of your interlocutor does not mean adopting it emotional condition, but just try to understand his situation. It is no secret that emotions are transmitted, but try not to get involved in them, otherwise you will not be able to help your interlocutor by entering the same state. Be carefull.

By following our advice, you will help your interlocutor quickly calm down and begin to think constructively to solve the problem.

It takes a lot of patience to calm an angry person. When a person is boiling, saying “calm down” can only make the situation worse. If you listen carefully to the person and offer some good ways taking a break will benefit both of you. However, if his anger is explosive and unpredictable, walk away from the person without attempting to appeal to his reason. If the angry person doesn't accept your apology, it's often best to give them some space and walk away.

Steps

Keep calm

Don't argue. If someone reaches a boiling point, responding with equal anger will only make the situation worse. Focus on staying calm, otherwise things will quickly escalate into an argument. Of course, this means that you have to be completely impersonal, just try to keep your emotions under control.

Try not to get into a defensive position. When a person is angry, he is unlikely to speak in a calm tone. In such a situation, there is a danger of taking his behavior personally and becoming defensive. When dealing with an angry person, remember that the anger most likely has nothing to do with you. Separate his emotions from yours - this way you can help the person without taking his anger personally.

Stay in the present tense. Angry people often bring up situations or conversations from the past, especially if they are trying to provoke your emotions. Try to counter this by staying focused on the moment and the decision. current problem. Don't allow yourself to wallow in rage over past events.

If you feel like the conversation is turning into action days gone by, try saying something like: “We can talk about this later. For now, I think we should focus on what's upsetting you about this moment, and find a way out of the situation. Let’s do everything one by one.”

Stay calm and cool. If a person screams or loses his temper, allow him to let off steam, but at the same time remain calm or silent (this will be best). If you do speak, do not raise your voice. If you are silent, try to maintain a neutral expression and open language bodies. You will be better able to control yourself if you do not react to the “provocations” of a raging person.
- There's a difference between letting someone blow off steam and being the victim of verbal abuse. If a person reproaches you, calls you names, or unjustly lashes out at you, you may want to say something like, “I understand that you're upset, and I want to support you. But please don’t take it out on me.”
Use good listening skills. When people are emotional, they want to be understood. Really listen to the person's words. Make eye contact, nod if necessary, and ask questions to learn more. The process of conversation and the feeling of being heard will help a person calm down.
- Of course, sometimes angry people don't want to be asked questions, and they may be so angry that they don't believe anyone can truly understand them. All you can do is try your best. If a person is not in the mood for heart-to-heart conversations, do not force him to do so.
Acknowledge his feelings. In fact, sometimes anger hides another emotion, such as resentment, embarrassment, or sadness. Whatever the reason for your anger, listen to the person and acknowledge their feelings (but don't necessarily agree with them). You should also refrain from being judgmental, as it may come through in your words or body language, showing a lack of support on your part.
- Here are some things you can say to acknowledge someone's feelings: “Yes, it's not easy,” or “I understand how upset you are.”
- But such expressions are unlikely to be useful: “You should let it go,” or: “I had the same thing, and I got over it.”
Show empathy. Empathy can take the form of understanding a person's point of view, being genuinely saddened by other people's misfortunes, and being able to sympathize with their emotions. To show empathy towards an angry person, you can show that you are listening to him and understand what he is saying.
- To be more understanding of an angry person, try rephrasing the source of his anger. You can say: “You say that you are angry because you think that you have to do all the household chores alone.”
- You may want to say, “I understand how you feel,” but be aware that this can sometimes make the person even more angry. He may believe that no one truly understands what he is experiencing.
Lighten the situation with humor. You'll likely need to understand the situation or know the angry person pretty well to know if this technique will work. Humor can effectively combat anger because it changes chemical processes in organism. If you make a joke or stop and point out something funny about the situation, making both of you laugh, you can lighten the situation and potentially cool the person down.
Give him some space. Some people need to vent, while others prefer to process their emotions alone. If you feel like the idea of talking is making the person even more angry, it's best to give them some space and time. Most people need at least 20 minutes to calm down, while others need even longer.
- If you think the person needs some time alone, try saying, “I understand that you're angry, but I don't think I can help you with this. I think you need to be alone for a few minutes. I’ll be nearby if you need to talk.”

Hearing

The main thing is to be sure to let the person speak out. You should not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be active and immediately solve all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is heard, and they sincerely sympathize with him.

Listening does not mean standing still like a statue and remaining silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console a loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help you collect your thoughts: both for your interlocutor and, by the way, for yourself.

It's a gesture

There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably at the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving chuckle in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When it comes to a loved one with whom you are accustomed to maintaining physical contact, soothing touches and stroking will not hurt. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also happens quite often, then one of the options to calm him down is to hug him tightly. With this, you seem to tell him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.

It is better not to experiment with people you don’t know in terms of physical contact: firstly, you yourself may feel awkward; secondly, such behavior may turn off a person with a strict personal space. You should also be very careful if you are a victim of physical violence.

No change

Many of us believe that we should not dwell on stress. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason for joy” - here standard set phrases that the culture of global positivity and lightness of being drives into our heads. Alas, all these settings in 90 cases out of 100 give reverse effect and they don’t help at all to console a person with words. Having firmly believed that we must look for the positive in everything, we learn not to work on a problem, but to overwhelm it with a lot of conditional positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.

If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk as much as necessary (provided that you can handle this process yourself). Do you see how it has become easier? Great. You can slowly change the topic.

If specifically

What words can you use to comfort someone? Often, someone in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase “Is there anything I can do to help?” It seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we’ll discuss everything?”, “Dictate the list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day,” “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe What will they advise” or simply “Come any time.” And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.

Help should only be offered if you are really ready for heroic deeds, wasting time, money and emotions. Don’t overestimate your strengths, promising what you can’t do will only make things worse in the end.

Under supervision

Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often indicate not so much a desire to cope with the situation alone, but rather an excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is strictly not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being nearby and keeping your finger on the pulse.

Often the mood to “withdraw into oneself” provokes excessive curiosity of others, sometimes not even close ones at all, their excessive pity, and patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in front of you in exactly this state, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him about life or put pressure on him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.

He she

We are accustomed to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to a hysterical reaction, while a man is strong and resilient by default, and therefore is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.

Recent research by scientists shows that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left to her own devices: he is more prone to withdrawal and depression (and girls even have an increased immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional ones, will experience and still forget, can torment us for a long time male brain. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys are taught from childhood to remain silent and pay more attention to their reputation than to their state of psychological comfort.

A man needs consolation, but it will be brought by actions rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir things up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to their senses. And also make it clear that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with it.

Rescue those who help

Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, by the way, is what the victim himself indulges in: having gotten used to your readiness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump everything negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on for too long, you will soon need help yourself.

By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from own problems. This should absolutely not be allowed - sooner or later there is a risk of a full-fledged nervous breakdown.

If after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and irritability appear - you should slow down a little. In such a state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.

Depression

We like to use the diagnosis “depression” with or without reason. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still general signs that, if manifested, require urgent seeking of qualified help. This:

Apathy, sadness, prevalence of bad mood;

Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;

Slowing down of speech, long pauses, freezing in place;

Decreased concentration;

Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;

Loss of appetite;

Insomnia;

Decreased sexual desire.

At least a couple of the symptoms listed above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.

Text: Daria Zelentsova