We’ve all heard the principle “What goes around comes around,” but it’s one thing to hypothetically know that this is happening somewhere, and another thing to feel that it’s REALLY true!
This is a chapter from the book "Healing" female soul»
Each of our emotions has a certain vibration. Moreover, starting from us, it reaches its object (a person, for example, with whom we are angry or happy) - and then returns back to us.
Moreover, depending on the level of our spirituality and awareness, the energy of this emotion can be increased up to 10 times! And “karma” just means this circle that our emotion makes.
And it works constantly, always, every moment! Our emotions return to us, and in the here and now we determine our future! The universe simply works like one big computer, which methodically calculates who is entitled to what and how much.
And we ourselves determine what and how much, which is especially nice :) The speed of return depends on the light of the person to whom our emotions reach: if he is dark and blinkered, then they take a long time to get to him, if he is light and open, then very, very fast:)
By the way, in particularly difficult situations, the circle can last several lives, so if troubles happen to you that you cannot explain to yourself, accept them as working out your own emotions from past lives. And in the moment here and now, concentrate on Joy, Love and Gratitude :)
I have traced these connections very clearly in my life! If someone is dissatisfied with me, then I, in turn, was dissatisfied with this person, and I also asked myself, why can they treat me like that :))) And given that my level of awareness is still sufficient, then came to me in triple volume!
Look at your life - see these connections and you will be very surprised how much your picture of the world will expand!
And I had another question - I can’t live only in positive emotions :) Something can annoy me, infuriate me, make me angry, upset me. And this is normal for me :) How to deal with this? How can we not start this all into a new cycle?
After all, hiding from your own emotions, deceiving yourself that you don’t feel them, suppressing them is definitely wrong. I was able to find stop phrases for wild rage and lust, redirecting these energies into a bright direction - but these, after all, are not emotions for every day :))
And also at first I still opened up to them, let them spill out, admitted that I had it in me - and then I was able to make friends :) If I may say so :) What to do with the other, more ordinary, emotions is still an open question for me - and so , while selecting material for the newsletter, I almost immediately came across this article :)
This is about a unified information field and about the fact that the Universe already has answers to all our questions :) My inquisitive mind, of course, is not yet fully satisfied, but there are a lot of keys here :) I’m sharing;)
And also, remember that Light is always stronger than Darkness - therefore, after a negative emotion, its outburst and expression - fill the space with Love, let its vibrations heal everything around :)
41 ways to stay negative emotions
I have been asked to do this article for a long time. But I keep putting it off and putting it off, although it would seem why? I need to write it as soon as possible, but I’m beating around the bush as if I’m afraid of this topic.
But still, if I don’t talk about it, don’t offer you options, then is this really help? Let me tell you the ways I know of dealing with negative emotions. I’ll make a few points right away.
Firstly, emotions are experienced only through the body; analysis with the brain gives nothing. Because they live in the body and exit through the body. That is, in each method the body is involved in one way or another. If you just think and analyze, it turns out that I understand everything with my head, but it still infuriates me.
Secondly, these are ways to let off steam when you have emotions inside. But if you need to change something in your life, it won't work for long. For example, you have difficult relationships with mom. And if you only let off steam and scream into the pillow without changing anything in your attitude towards your mother, then it is pointless.
This is the same as taking painkillers when you have a toothache and not going to the doctor. Teeth need to be treated, right? And relationships also need to be healed. This is primary.
Thirdly, we will talk most about anger, because it is not clear what to do with it and where to put it. And one way or another, in any complex interweaving of emotions, there is a lot of anger. The way out of many difficult conditions, such as feelings of guilt and resentment, occurs through anger. And by refusing to live it, we cannot move on.
Fourth, I ask you to distinguish between anger as a momentary emotion that naturally appears when something does not happen the way you wanted (this is the nature of anger), and anger as a quality of character, that is, anger.
It’s normal to experience anger sometimes if you don’t push it and live it safely. To be in a quarrel with the world, when you want to control everything everywhere, and when this does not happen - to be angry all the time - this is no longer normal. How abnormal it is to not be able to control it.
Fifthly, controlling anger does not mean not feeling it or suppressing it. Control is about letting off steam in ways that are safe for everyone, leaving nothing to yourself and not dumping anything on others.
Think of anger as a natural waste product in the body, just like digested food. What happens if you consider this matter “dirty” and stop going to the toilet? Forbid yourself from doing this? What will be the outcome?
Maybe our task is to create such a “toilet” for emotions – a place where we do things calmly and safely, without harming anyone? This is exactly what the article is about.
Sixthly, I beg you to avoid premature spirituality in emotions. This is when it boils and hurts inside, and we from above crush it all with the word “impossible” and delve into the reasons. Most often, this is exactly how we treat other people’s feelings, like, I’ll tell you now why your karma got it!
Reasons are sought after the emotion is released. It will be much easier for you to see all this with a clear head later. First, live. Or let the person live, help him with this.
And now we can get started. I want to divide the ways of experiencing emotions into constructive and destructive. Those that are harmless and those that hurt someone. We are well acquainted with the latter, and yet it is worth seeing them with our own eyes, face to face.
Destructive methods.
1. Pour it on other people, especially those who were “passing by.”
At work, the boss got it, but you can’t express it to his face, so you come home and it ends up with the cat who turned up under the arm, that is, under the leg, or the child who again brought a “C”. Sound familiar? And it seems that you will break through and it will become easier, but then comes a feeling of guilt - after all, the cat or the child has nothing to do with it.
2. Rudeness.
In the same situation, when the boss drove you crazy, but the anger remained inside, you don’t have to take this bomb home, knowing that it will explode there. And pour out your anger on the saleswoman who works slowly and makes a mistake, on those who stepped on your foot or crossed your path, and at the same time on those who are very annoying with a happy face.
And also of little use. Even if there is no feeling of guilt, the negative emotions of the other person on whom all this was poured will definitely return to us one day. Again. So they go back and forth while we are rude to each other.
3. Trolling on the Internet
This method seems safer and with impunity. An anonymous page without an avatar, even if it has an avatar, will definitely not be found and beaten. The boss came out - you can go to someone’s page and write nasty things - they say, what an ugly person you are! Or are you writing some nonsense!
Or provoke some kind of dispute on difficult topic, throwing mud at opponents, poking them with a needle different places to cause pain. But the law of karma also works here, even if the laws of the state are not yet everywhere.
4. Binge on sweets
Another method that, by the way, we often see in films. When a heroine's lover leaves her or cheats on her, what does she do? I have this picture before my eyes: a crying girl in bed watching a movie and eating a huge can of ice cream.
The harm of such an event, I think, is clear to many. But it’s still so difficult not to do this, because the hand reaches out on its own, it’s like an instinct. Like, if you eat something sweet, it will feel better. It might be a little, but it won’t solve the situation. I know from myself that when you give up sugar, the most important and difficult thing is not to reach out to it in difficult times.
5. Swear
Another way may look like this: you were rude, and you are rude in response. Your husband came and yelled at you - and you yell at him too. It seems like you are being honest. Man is the reason for your negative feelings, we urgently need to express them.
But by doing so, you only fan the fire, intensify the conflict, and nothing good comes from it. A quarrel always takes out all our strength, including all hidden reserves, and after it we remain devastated and unhappy. Even if the argument was won.
6. Hit someone
Again - children, dogs, husband, boss (you never know). Any person who is the cause of your anger or just happened to be at hand. Physical punishment for children during a parent's emotional breakdown is very traumatic. They provoke in the child both a feeling of humiliation and reciprocal hatred, which he cannot express in any way.
If you hit your husband, you might get hit back, which, unfortunately, is not uncommon. And I've seen statistics that approximately half of women affected by domestic violence, started the fight first, not expecting that the man might fight back. This does not justify men, but it does not honor women either. It is impermissible not only for the husband, but also for the wife, not only for boys, but also for girls to let go.
7. Suppress
There is a belief now that anger is bad. The more religious a woman is, the more she suppresses anger. She pretends that nothing is pissing her off, smiles tensely at everyone, and so on.
It seems to me that it is no coincidence that today so many people die from cancer; it is a disease of unlived emotions, as many psychologists have repeatedly written about.
8. Breaking dishes and breaking things
On the one hand, the method is constructive. It's better to break a plate than to hit a child. And you can certainly use it sometimes. But if we destroy some things on our way, then we need to understand that then all this will need to be restored.
My husband once destroyed his laptop in a rage. It was a terrible sight, and then I had to buy a new computer. And it also happens that anger is poured out on other people’s things, this is completely unhappy. This is costly, and therefore less constructive than we would like.
9. Slam the door
It seems to me that this method is nice to many teenagers. I remember myself like this, and in some places I already see children like this. In principle, not the worst way. Only once I slammed the door so hard that the glass broke. But nothing special.
10. Beat with words
Let's be honest. You don't always need hands to hit someone. We women are good at doing this with words. Poking at painful points, sarcastic, teasing - and then pretending that we are innocent and have nothing to do with it.
The more different dirt inside us, the sharper and more caustic our tongue. I remember from myself that before, when I didn’t know where to put my feelings, I constantly teased everyone. Many people called me an “ulcer”, I couldn’t help myself. I thought it was funny.
The more I learn to experience feelings, the softer my speech becomes. And the less there are any kind of “hairpins” in it. Because it doesn’t do anyone any good. For a couple of minutes you can feed your ego, and at the same time destroy relationships and earn karmic reactions.
11. Revenge
Often, in a fit of anger, it seems to us that if we take revenge and wash away the shame with the blood of the enemy, we will feel better. I know that some women, during a quarrel with their husband, have sex with someone, for example, to spite him.
This is a blessed option that many consider acceptable, especially if the husband has cheated. But what's the end result? Revenge only exacerbates the conflict and increases the distance between us. Revenge comes in different forms – subtle and gross. But none of them are useful. No one.
Not the best The best way release, although it is physical. Because sex is still an opportunity to show love for each other, and not to use each other as exercise equipment. Our mood during intimacy greatly affects our relationship as a whole. And casual connections with someone for the sake of detente are not only not useful, but also harmful.
13. Shopping
Women often go to the store feeling upset. And they buy a lot of unnecessary things there. Sometimes they even deliberately spend more money than necessary in order to take revenge on, for example, their husband.
But it turns out that at this time we waste the resources that are given to us for good deeds - that is, money - at random and try to use them to harm others.
What will be the result? Resources will run out. And what they were spent on will never be useful. The dress you bought in anger will absorb your condition and you will find it difficult to wear.
The list turned out to be impressive, not entirely joyful, but nevertheless, most often this is exactly what we do. Because we don’t have a culture of dealing with feelings. We were not taught this, they never talk about it anywhere - they only ask us to remove our feelings from sight. That's all.
Constructive ways of living through emotions.
14. Allow feelings to be.
Sometimes - and by the way, very often, to experience a feeling it is enough to see it, call it by your name and accept it. That is, at the moment of anger, say to yourself: “Yes, I’m very angry now. And that's okay." This is very difficult for all those who have been told that this is not normal (because it is inconvenient for others).
It's hard to admit that you're angry right now, even though it's written all over your face. It’s hard to say that this also happens. It is sometimes difficult to understand, what kind of feeling is this? I remember in the constellations a girl whose nodules were shaking, her hands tensed into fists, and she called her feelings “sadness.”
Learning to understand what this feeling is is a matter of practice and time. For example, you can watch yourself. At critical moments, look in the mirror to understand what is on your face, follow the signs of the body, observe the tension in the body and the signals in it.
15. Stomp your feet.
In traditional Indian dances, a woman stomps a lot, it is not so noticeable, because she dances barefoot. But in this way, through energetic movements, all tension is released from the body into the ground. We often laugh at Indian films where they dance from any event - good or bad - but there is a special truth in this.
Experience any feelings through your body. Allowing the anger to flow through you as you vigorously release it through vigorous stomps. By the way, in Russian folk dances There are also many such movements.
It is not necessary to go to the dance section right now (although why not?). Try to close your eyes and feel the emotion in your body and “give” it into the ground using stompers. Of course, it is best to stomp while standing on the ground, and not on the tenth floor of a high-rise building. It's even better if you can do it barefoot on the grass or sand. You will physically feel how much easier it becomes.
And DO NOT think about what it looks like. Ideal, of course, if no one sees you or distracts you. But if there is no such place, close your eyes and stomp.
16. Scream.
Some trainings practice a form of cleansing such as screaming. When we scream into the floor, with a partner who helps us, we can also scream into the pillow in any other way. Usually some important word is shouted.
For example, “Yes” or “No” - if it suits your emotion. You can simply shout “Aaaah!” You take a deep breath, and then open your mouth - and thus empty your heart. Do this several times until you feel empty inside.
Sometimes before this they do some kind of “pumping” - first they breathe very, very quickly, exclusively through the nose.
This technique has weak spots. For example, neighbors and family. The scream is very loud. And if you cannot relax and not worry, then he will NOT heal. The scream must come from a relaxed throat, otherwise you may seriously lose your voice. It’s better to try this for the first time somewhere with experienced people, then the effect will be greater.
17. Talk it out.
Women's way. To experience any feelings, we really need to talk about it, tell someone. About how the boss offended you and someone on the bus called you names. Not so much even to get support (which is also nice), but to pour it out of yourself.
This is approximately why people go to psychologists, so that everything that is eating away at their heart can be removed from there. One friend who has been working as a psychologist for a very long time once shared that most of her clients are helped by one simple method.
She listens to them, asks questions so that they describe the situation as comprehensively as possible, and that’s all. Doesn't give any recipes or advice. He just listens. And often at the end of the conversation a person comes up with a solution. Same. It was as if the veil of anger that had clouded his eyes had been lifted and he saw the way.
Women do the same with each other, speaking out. There are only two points here. You can't tell anyone about your family life- about the problems in it. Otherwise, these problems can get worse.
And if they tell you something, you should NOT give advice. Just listen. By the way, you can organize a circle in which women share all their emotions - and then somehow symbolically say goodbye to them (which is often done in women's groups).
Be careful not to dump all your emotions on your husband. He just can't stand it. If you speak out to your friends, first get their consent to do so. And don’t forget to share the good things too (otherwise your friend may feel like a “toilet” that is only needed to drain negative emotions).
It's great if you can cry to your mom or dad, if you have a mentor who listens to you, if your husband is ready to do this for at least 15 minutes every day.
18. Sports.
Sports are very popular now, and this is great, because in the gym we work with the body, which means that emotions also come out. During any load on the body. Running, aerobics, stretching.
Notice how difficult it is for you during stress. And how good and calm it is afterwards. Therefore, you should choose your load option - and don’t skip it. Even as a preventive measure.
19. Massage.
Any of our blocks and clamps in the body are unlived emotions. Of course, I’m not talking about light stroking, but about deep work with the body, with force. A high-quality massage that kneads these points helps us cope with emotions.
In this place, the main thing - as in childbirth - is to open up to pain. They press on you somewhere, you feel pain - breathe and relax towards the pain. Tears may flow from your eyes - this is normal.
A good massage therapist will immediately see your weak points - and he will know exactly where and how to apply pressure to remove the clamp. But often it hurts so much that we stop it and don’t go further. Then the massage becomes a pleasant relaxation procedure, but does not help relieve emotions.
20. Breathing exercises
Any emotions are experienced through the body. I already said that, right? So this is one of the most important elements this is the breath. Sometimes you can just breathe through the emotion (but this is difficult for us).
So try different things breathing exercises– pranayama, bodyflex and therapeutic options. In addition to releasing emotions and relaxing the body, you will also get a healing effect, which is also good, right?
21. Hit the pillow
When you are in an angry state, sometimes you want to hit someone. Spank your husband or child, for example. Try at this moment to switch to the pillow - and beat it with all your heart.
The main thing is NOT to sleep on such a pillow - let it be your sports equipment, which lies separately. You can cry into it. Or you can get yourself a punching bag and gloves. Also an option, however, it requires free space Houses.
22. Hitting the sofa with a rolled up towel.
This method is for you if you want to let off some steam. The task is simple. 15 minutes of privacy with a sofa or chair. It would be ideal to be alone at this time.
One item needed upholstered furniture- sofa, armchair, bed. Doesn't matter. A sofa is the most comfortable and most people have one, besides, you don’t sleep on it – and that’s very good. You will also need a towel. Bathhouse, big.
Roll the towel into a roll. And while breathing intensely (breathing is very important), start hitting the sofa with a roller. Let it seem strange and stupid. Release the tornado of anger from yourself and your soul. Maybe you will make some sounds while doing this, maybe not. Maybe you will start crying, sobbing. Just let the process happen. You can also scream, stomp, swear - whatever you allow yourself, everything is correct.
Until it's empty inside. As soon as it's empty, take a shower. Necessarily. And be sure to have herbal tea or warm milk at the end. And prayer if possible.
23. Pound the water
The same can be done with water. Water takes away women's emotions very well. It can be anything - you can beat on water in a river, lake, ocean. Or even in the bathtub, the main thing is not to flood the neighbors. This method is not always suitable for everyone, but it’s worth a try. The sea or ocean, for example, are great at taking away everything unnecessary. After this, you can also lie on the surface like an asterisk so that the salt can draw out all the excess from your head.
24. Amusement park
Do you know why all these roller coasters are needed? To release negative emotions. Scream, squeal, be afraid, tense and relax. You can scream there, no one will forbid you, you can shout loudly, no one will judge you.
An excellent opportunity to “lose off some steam”, which is what adult aunts and uncles do there. A water park with scary slides and any other similar place would also be suitable here. The main thing is not to overdo it - adrenaline also affects female hormones.
25. Mandalas
Any handicraft is therapeutic. And each in its own way. There is such a technique as weaving mandalas from threads on a frame of sticks. Mandalas can be of different diameters and different “branchiness”. But when you weave it, you definitely put something inside.
You can weave them on cherished wish and think about him at this time. Or you can weave out your negative emotions by intuitively choosing colors (with eyes closed). Why mandalas? They are made relatively quickly - you can make a fairly large one in an hour. It’s not difficult, even I mastered it and did it for a long time.
It is in terms of working with emotions that they help a lot. Because after weaving your pain into the mandala like this, it must be burned. Verified. It gets easier. And emotions come out through the body - into in this case hands. There are a lot of videos about the technique on the Internet, I especially recommend the lessons of Anya Fenina (Zhukova), my friend and the most experienced in weaving.
26. Any other handicraft.
In addition to mandalas, there are many options - for example, felting from wool, when you need to pierce the picture with a needle many, many times (and at the same time think about something that is very annoying - I’m kidding, of course). Or cutting with a jigsaw. Or embroidery - with threads or beads.
The main thing is that your hands participate in this, so that this energy comes out through them (that is, needlework with intense movements is better), and then, unfortunately, the masterpieces themselves will need to be destroyed. After all, they absorb our mood during their creation.
Through singing we can also release pain and anger from our hearts. Songs can be different, music too. You've probably noticed that when it's very difficult, you really want to turn on some soul-stirring composition and sing along to it!
DO NOT deny yourself this. Sing, even if you don't sing very well. Sing with your heart, not with your voice, sing not to be pleasant to listen to, but to allow your emotions to come out.
28. Cry
A very feminine way that we sometimes use, but often underestimate. When we get angry, what do we do? Most often we scream. But when we scream, we cannot cry. And tears are female version burning negative karma, among other things. Especially if the tears are hot, this means they are boiling with emotions, and a lot of things come out with them.
You can help yourself with this. It’s hard to sit down and cry right away, especially if you’re bursting with anger. But you can put on some movie, some song, get some things. Activate emotion and transform it into tears. Anger comes out very effectively with tears - I tested it myself, however, in this case it is very difficult to start crying (but then not to stop).
29. Cry in the temple
Most effective way For me personally, experiencing all emotions means coming to church. Sit there in a corner and cry in prayer. Holy people in churches cry from separation from God. And we can cry on his chest about our financial difficulties, which is also good.
I remember how hard it was once to live with the fact that my father was not and never would be. The fact was realized, but emotions were blocked. And I remember how I came to church on his birthday, that year he would have turned 50 years old.
I came to pray for him, and suddenly I burst into tears. I stood and sobbed, it’s good that no one was nearby. Tears flowed in streams. And only then did my grandfather ask me what happened, and I cried for half an hour. I tell him: “My dad died.” He nodded understandingly. “Seventeen years ago,” I added.
“Why have you been carrying this around for so many years, honey,” said grandfather, tapped him on the back and moved on. And I thought - and really, what am I doing. It was at that moment that I felt a lot better. Until now, in the most difficult situations, I go to church, sit in a corner, cover my face and quietly pray and cry. Helps a lot.
30. Write letters of grievances
I have already described letters of grievances several times in different articles. They have a structure according to which you write them. For each specific person or situations, by hand, pass sequentially through anger, resentment, pain, fear, disappointment, regret, sadness, gratitude, forgiveness and up to love.
They can end in different ways - if you don’t want to have a relationship with the person in the future, you end with the words “I’m letting you go,” but if this is a person who is important to you, then the final phrase is “I love you.” And it always begins with the words “Dear (person’s name).” These are the rules of writing.
31. “Radical Forgiveness” Questionnaire
There is such a sensational book that helps many people cope with their emotions. There is a questionnaire in the book that needs to be filled out every time emotions come up that are difficult to cope with.
Yes, it will take work, a lot of writing, but it works. The good thing about the questionnaire is that you have clear questions to follow, it’s as if they are leading you by the hand, and it’s much easier for you to get to the point.
32. Wash the dishes
Try to take offense at someone and start washing the dishes. Or the floor. Or polish the sink until it shines. This way we experience emotions through the body and wash away the dirt from our heart.
Sometimes the dishes may suffer a little, but the overall overall effect will be higher - feelings lived safely and clean dishes. I know many people who deal with their feelings this way.
33. Transformation into laughter
It doesn’t always work, not with all emotions. But in some minor situations, like everyday irritation due to nonsense, it’s just right. Bring the situation to the point of absurdity in your head and laugh joyfully at it.
Find something funny in the way you stress over little things, or laugh at something else, make a funny face, thereby extinguishing a family quarrel. And so on.
Get creative! Laughter is healing, breathing during laughter is similar to sobbing. But you must admit, it’s more pleasant and safer. And the tension goes away.
34. Throw away trash
It's therapeutic, just like washing dishes. And it’s also useful. Cleansing on physical level, helps to cleanse yourself emotionally. I remember one girl who couldn’t get over her divorce for a long time. The past did not let her go.
Of course, because her wedding dress was hanging in her closet all this time! And the symbolic farewell helped her. She not only removed him, but brutally destroyed him (this is the extreme form of a woman driven to the extreme). And she immediately felt better.
Clutter may or may not be related to your situation, it will simply help you clear the space and breathe easier. And by the way, it’s easier to do this with emotions, there are fewer doubts.
35. Do meditation
There are many different meditations and options. I like one of them. When my head gets covered, I sit cross-legged on the floor, or better yet, on the ground. Perfect option, if it’s warm now and you can sit on the ground.
Close your eyes and imagine how long and strong roots go into the ground from your butt. After you feel this connection with the earth at that very fifth point, begin to imagine how emotions are collected from all parts of your body and through these roots go into the earth, into its depths.
Collect them in your head, in your heart, in those places where there are pressures and problems. And let go. And breathe deeply. Tested, it becomes much easier.
36. Just breathe
Honestly, the method is the most difficult. But it works. When emotion is boiling inside you, you simply sit on a chair, close your eyes, and breathe. Opening up internally towards your emotion (as in childbirth), you go towards it. And breathe. Breathe deeply and deeply.
Usually it takes from 5 to 20 minutes to experience an emotion. But it will be difficult. Of course, you will want to get up, run away, slam the door, develop a plate, but try to just breathe while sitting in one place. If you are used to running away from pain, then you definitely need to try this method.
37. Breaking dishes
This method was already used in destructive ones, but I want to add it to constructive ones. Why? Because it's better to hit dishes than people. And if this is a controlled act of releasing emotions, then why not? By the way, you can have special plates that don’t break into thousands of fragments and that you don’t mind. It helps someone, and that's great.
38. Talk to the tree
It is important for a woman to express her emotions. What if there is no one to listen? Or is there something you can’t tell anyone? Then the trees will come to the rescue. The main thing is to find “yours” - the tree with which it will be easier and more pleasant for you to communicate.
Maybe it will be a birch, or maybe a pine. Doesn't matter. Any tree with which you personally feel good and pleasant. Hug him quietly and talk-talk-talk until you feel relief.
39. Dance
This is also a bodily version of releasing emotions. Especially if the dance is spontaneous and alone (so as not to be afraid of evaluations of your movements). If the emotion is very stormy, you can turn on some wild drums and “jump” with your whole body to them from the heart, completely letting all its parts float on their own.
Try it, especially paying attention to those parts of your body that are especially tight (you can dance, for example, only with your shoulders, only with your hips, only with your head).
40. Confession
Another option to “speak out” when there seems to be no one. That's why temples exist, and different traditions there is the concept of confession. When you come and open your soul. You can do this formally, they say, I’m a sinner, forgive my sins.
Or you can do it from the heart - come and open your pain. Scary? That’s why sometimes the priest sits behind a curtain so that he doesn’t feel ashamed. Confession and communion are very cleansing procedures for Christians. Cleansing from everything.
41. Prayer
Versatile. For any religion. If you want to experience emotions, start praying. And breathe, pray, let the emotions come out. Through tears, body trembling, hand movements, words. Prayer cures everything. And for free. Cleanses the soul and brings goodness to life. The most underrated method, by the way.
And still very important point. After any outburst of negative emotion, it is important to fill the vacated space with Light. That is, for example, wish everyone happiness, pray, talk about good things. So that the heart, cleansed of dirt, is filled with something good. Otherwise, a place isn’t empty for long, and it can fill up again with who knows what.
And let me remind you once again that these are just ways to let off steam, relieve tension, and live through emotions. But if you need to change your behavior and something in your life, this will only help for a while. And then everything will return to normal.
Therefore, it is worth engaging in prevention - for example, learning to refuse, maintaining one’s integrity, cultivating a sense of intrinsic value, reduce your expectations from the world and people - and so on.
I hope that this selection will help you live everything that should have been lived a long time ago!
Olga Valyaeva
valyaeva.ru
Very often, during an appointment with a psychologist-psychotherapist, 2 key issues:
– How to get rid of some unpleasant emotions (usually fear, anger, guilt, grief, despondency, loneliness, shame);
– How to add it to your life positive emotions(more often – joy, peace, interest and love).
So here it is. You can implement such a request yourself. We are, of course, not talking about panic attacks, somatized neuroses, depression or phobias. But everyday stress and emotional overheating. On the one side. And the need for an influx of positivity on the other hand. It is quite possible to implement. What is required for this?
You need a simple and fairly understandable algorithm for extracting your emotions. After all, you can a whole hour talk about your condition and never get any relief. What is this connected with? First of all, with the fact that emotions are not a product of our thoughts. They are not logical and unconscious. Even when we say “I feel such and such an emotion,” we are not saying that we think the emotion. We are talking about the fact that it is somewhere inside us. It influences us, but is not subject to mental control. But emotion is much more connected with:
– Cause-and-effect chains that describe the current situation;
– Our assessment of the current state of affairs;
– Bodily sensations;
– A stream of internal images.
The first level of relationship is determined by the motivational function of emotions. The second is their evaluative function. The third is that the emotion is realized and manifested through the body. The fourth level is associated with a significant amount of information contained in one emotion. Therefore, it is difficult to express it in words or some definition.
That is why, at the moment when you need to weaken or strengthen certain emotions, you should try to follow the following algorithm.
Living emotions:
1. Name the situation;
2. Name the emotion;
3. Strengthen the emotion with the body;
4. Strengthen the emotion with images.
For example. Due to some circumstances, you were unable to express your anger at your colleagues or superiors. You come home and wrap up the following text:
I was put on overtime today (situation). I got very angry (emotion). If it were up to me, I would now pick up a frying pan (showing my body + picture) and heartily crack it between the eyes of the head of the department... Yes, so that sparks would fall from her eyes (picture).
Or. You are 21 years old. You live separately from your parents. We spent a very boring and monotonous weekend. Nobody called or wrote to you. You dial your mother’s Skype and implement the following message:
During the whole day no one contacted me at all (situation). I feel terribly lonely (emotion). I want someone to hug me (you illustrate this with a hugging gesture). Or I’ll wither here like a flower in an endless icy desert (picture).
Or. Your child came up with a fairy tale. And he told it to you in person. And now you are telling your friend about this:
Today my daughter herself told a fairy tale (situation) she invented. I now feel joy and pride (emotion). I still want to clap my hands (we illustrate with a light clap) and smile stupidly (picture) from the realization of what a miracle is growing in me.
Yes, it's worth clarifying. The described algorithm does not change the fact that you may be wrong in the current situation. It is wrong to evaluate it. Behave disproportionately. Being "emotionally blind" to yourself. This algorithm only reduces the degree emotional stress. Or gives you the opportunity to feed with an important internal resource.
Experiencing emotions is sequential: first experiencing, then emotions.
No matter how surprising it may be, our body has a lot of receptors for the perception of space, but not one for the perception of time. We perceive time through the mind and interpretation of space signals. Experiencing emotions is a full-fledged fulfillment emotional reaction in time. Translated into practice - the implementation of interpretation of all the signals that our body expresses in the process of emotional response. Keyword - everyone: these signals exist regardless of human consciousness, but this consciousness can either record them or not. It is understood that all signals have a certain energy and consciousness must realize this energy in one form or another. If it does not realize it, then the energy accumulates in physical body in the form of various pains.
Utility breathing exercises V emotional issues This is due to the fact that breathing is a rhythmic process of alternating four phases: “inhalation - fullness of the lungs - exhalation - emptying of the lungs.” This allows you to feel both critical (spot) stages and long-term ones. Since the perception of time is based on the perception of rhythm and the perception of sequence, the emotional cycle is projected onto the cycle of breathing movements, which, at the level of habit, is projected onto the cycle of time phases.
Regarding the spectrum of emotions, I really like the Kellerman-Plutchik-Conte theory (good material on the theory).
This is about incentives and behavior. Since disturbances in emotional perception affect the physical body, I really like that they are presented physiological processes, as if built into strategies for responding to emotions.
In this context, the so-called coping strategies and psychological defenses. In fact, the formation of both in a child through imitation of the behavior of adults in certain situations is built into the process of upbringing. stressful situations. A bright emotion is a strong irritant, that is, stress, so we also protect ourselves from bright emotions, either consciously or not. If it's unconscious, that is high risk that the defense will begin to put pressure and turn on even in cases where the emotion is not strong and may well be adequately expressed by appropriate behavior.
The social acceptability of certain forms of behavior is a matter of education, as I wrote about above. In fact, psychological trainings- these are androgogical forms of adult education. This is how the situation developed because adulthood was something taken for granted, only children were raised, and the elderly were perceived exclusively as weak and sick. Because the average duration life has increased, then adults and the elderly also began to need training in skills social behavior. Since adulthood was initially idealized and not assumed to be a source of social ills, behavior correction was carried out only through treatment (in medicine), primarily in mentally ill people. Therefore historically emotional problems lie in the field of psychology, at the intersection with psychotherapy and psychiatry. In fact, there is a concept of “lifelong education”, and upbringing, along with training, is the main component of education, therefore, in principle to modern man You should engage not only in self-study, but also in self-education. First of all, through mastering the skills of experiencing emotions, so that the unprocessed waste of a person’s illiterately organized emotional life in the form of unreacted impulses does not pollute social environment and did not require additional costs to restore damage caused by their toxicity. B-)
Such forms of destructive and maladaptive behavior like: inability to be in relationships, various kinds food and chemical dependencies, masochism, chronic apathy, hot temper are associated with difficulties in the emotional sphere, namely, the inability to accept and live one’s own feelings.
What determines the ability to cope with your emotions?
Firstly, the task is made easier or, conversely, complicated by innate characteristics nervous system. What matters is her strength, balance, mobility, sensitivity, etc. What processes predominate in it - excitation or inhibition.
Secondly, it depends on the social environment in which the person was raised. What emotions in the family/team were allowed to be expressed and in what form (adequate or inappropriate), which ones had to be kept to oneself in order to avoid problems. Parents shape their child's ways of dealing with emotions.
Well, and thirdly, from conclusions and decisions, accepted by man in childhood regarding oneself and the world around us. These inherently naive decisions can be completely forgotten in adulthood (repressed into the unconscious), but continue to influence choices and actions in the present. How dangerous does the world seem? How emotionally “fragile” do your loved ones and your relationships seem to be? Will they be able to withstand emotional “revelations”, or should they be protected from any excitement and keep the tension to themselves? The conclusion settles in the body, adapting it to real and imaginary conditions.
Increased control is needed over the area of the body responsible for the expression of certain desires (because in childhood they were shamed for them) - the muscles in this area spasm, creating a kind of “shell” that limits movements that signal forbidden impulses. If in order for adults not to offend and care, you need to look soft and pliable most time - the body “sags” and loses tone.
When a person is sure that it is “bad” to express anger openly, but it is also unbearable to keep it inside, the body creates a “safety buffer” between the person and the hostile environment - it obediently floats with fat.
Not only the body, but also numerous psychological defenses help to avoid living and expressing feelings. What can you do with “unbearable” feelings: Deny("I don't care, I don't feel anything!"), Forget(repression mechanism), Suppress(don't let them turn around full force), Mute and compensate(food, vodka, computer games and other companions of addicts), Take your attention away from them(switch), Move— splash out on an object that does not pose a threat (such an object can also become close person, defenseless because of love for us), Project onto others(“It’s not me who’s evil, it’s you who’s evil!”), Distance yourself— mechanisms of dissociation or depersonalization (“I’m not here!”), Mask other emotions and under their cover to relieve tension (as happens with people prone to hysterical behavior). And this is not a complete list...
What do you do to avoid living your feelings? Now the most important thing: how to live them?
To begin with, recognize, name, and give yourself permission to experience these feelings. If the intensity is too high, the first rule is to breathe. Deeply and evenly, gradually lengthening the inhalation-exhalation cycle. Regulation of breathing - great way relieve excess tension in the body, and this will also affect emotional sphere. Rule two is to say your feelings out loud as many times as necessary to ease them. If you have no one to tell it to, go to a psychologist; listening is his profession. Also, you can consciously distance yourself from a situation that causes a violent reaction, without avoiding it, look as if from the outside, paying attention to some minor details.
Mentally consider the situation from different angles. Then find a safe, constructive way to express your emotions. Draw them or write them down on paper, dance them, imagine them as a metaphor. If the level of emotions is not extreme, then art therapeutic techniques are preferable to rough physical responses (like beating pillows), since the meaning of this expression is not to simply blow off steam, but to transform, give dynamics to feelings in such a way that they were accepted, internalized and rethought. Then they will become valuable resource in the piggy bank life experience, and yours internal energy and the freedom to use it will increase. Emotions, just like thoughts, have their own representation in the physical body. Physical exercise, aimed at strengthening muscles, are indicated for people with problems with holding emotions. People who are in to a greater extent have difficulty expressing them, stretching exercises and increasing flexibility are helpful. In body-oriented and dance-movement psychotherapy there is differentiated approach to work with various emotions. Yoga and qigong also develop skills to manage your emotional state.
There's a crack in everything
this is how light penetrates.
Leonard Cohen
Information is not knowledge.
The only source of knowledge is experience.
Albert Einstein
Your power over emotions. Adoption.
No matter how difficult the situation may be...
Are you familiar with this picture: day after day, but then something happens, maybe even quite insignificant, as it may seem from the outside: someone’s ambiguous look or word, a minor mistake, stupidity that rolled off the tongue, a memory, an inexplicable fear , – but it catches you in such a way that everything else seems to move into the background and a storm boils up inside? And it doesn’t matter whether we plunge headlong into this storm or try not to notice it - we waste energy and time... and life, moment by moment, passes by.
Sometimes each of us finds ourselves in a trap own emotions and experiences when we don’t see anything around, it’s like a veil has fallen the world, and as if you can only focus on one thing - what became the trigger for these feelings and an endless series of thoughts. It is distracting and sometimes even destructive. One way or another, we often succumb to our habit of mulling the same things over and over in our heads, feeling sorry for ourselves and blaming others. But it is difficult to change a habit; moreover, it is not clear, if this is possible, then how?
Well, there is a way out, and, as they say, it is usually where the entrance is - you just need to look at it more carefully. Surely you have often heard phrases such as: “Accept yourself and everything will work out” or “If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it.” They seem to be clear and easily achievable. Like.
Let me tell you the first time I truly deeply lived and understood the meaning of these phrases. From this experience, a recipe was born for interacting with oneself in difficult, stressful moments of life. Later, similar?? I learned the recipe from other people - psychologists, spiritual teachers, but this one came out of me, as if internal (or collective) wisdom was controlling me. And I can explain such a spontaneous birth by the fact that it natural way, natural behavior for humans, we were just not reminded of it from birth.
I have a lot of these triggers that set off a flood of itching thoughts, destructive emotions and, in general, some kind of funnel of unconsciousness. Most often it's mine own mistake, for which I begin to scold myself, and oh, how I scold myself! oh, how skillfully I trick myself!..
That morning I was driving along the Moscow Ring Road to undergo a car inspection, it was a weekday, I left specially early so as not to get caught in a traffic jam and then I passed the right turn. In the morning, you know, cars are arriving every minute, so when I reached the next exit and turned around, the road was already clogged. And then I throw accusations and humiliations at myself with all my might, and I don’t even realize what I feel, because my thoughts replace one another without a break. Here my inner attention drops just below my head, and I unexpectedly say: “i’m anxious”, “i feel anxious” - I don’t know why it came out in English, maybe this way it was even easier for the body to disidentify with feelings. I began to repeat these two phrases, then added that “I’m irritated” and after 5 repetitions the feeling (the veil of emotions) receded from consciousness and I already felt it only with my body. This veil, these emotions, anger and irritation, accusations and self-flagellation, when I named them and looked at them without evaluation, turned into a lump physical sensations, spreading to the chest and solar plexus. (Can you imagine? I have often noticed since then that it is the solar plexus that reacts the most). Then I no longer scolded myself, but as if I was watching from above this lump, combining experiences, watching how it “sausaged” inside me. At first, of course, I didn’t like it, I continued to worry remotely, but at least it didn’t overwhelm me and gradually my feelings began to transform. I kept my eyes on the road and watched the lump, allowing myself to feel what was happening, and I even felt a little funny, because I already felt like I was in charge of the situation. It was enjoyable.
All of the above happened within 10 minutes. When I got the better of myself, I noticed that the plug had suddenly dissolved, as if signaling my internal changes.
So , here it is the recipe :
- Name the emotion, the feeling that you are in this moment try it several times.
- Look into your body, what responds inside when you call her? Where is that place?
- Hold this place with attention and continue to experience feelings, allowing them to be, allowing yourself to experience them. Don’t judge yourself whether it’s good or bad to be angry.
- For convenience, if you need, you can imagine what this feeling looks like (like a character in a fairy tale, a cartoon, a ball or triangle, some other object), what color it is, what you feel inside (for example, a red ball, in which lightning flashes), whether it is warm or cold, what other qualities does this image have. You can even talk to him and find out what he wants. And continue to hold this picture and sensations, perhaps it will change, under the clear light of your attention and awareness.
- To help yourself a little more to feel more than this experience, leaving part of your attention on this image and bodily sensation, and move the other part of your attention to your feet, legs, ask yourself how you feel them, then to your arms, stomach, back. Thus, you will feel that you have a lot of space in your body that is not used by “negativity”; this is your resource space.
- Say “Yes” or “I give up” to a situation and you will notice a change - as soon as your resistance to what is happening weakens - what happens in response will become more harmonious and everything will unfold for your benefit.
If your feelings don’t go away right away, don’t be upset! Just keep watching. Don’t set yourself the task of getting rid of “negative emotions”, but rather, pay attention to them. At least you have already done a great thing - you have relieved your mind a little - it has become clearer.
Fear, anger, aggression, irritation, hatred, resentment, guilt, etc. - they are like little forgotten children who, with their appearance, shout: “Pay attention to me, please, I’m here!” And if you turn away from them, trying not to notice, then they will not leave you alone. And if you give them your attention, they will begin to sigh with relief, quietly giving you relaxation.
When you do this, you will understand own experience – disidentification, as I call it, has nothing to do with avoiding feeling, rather, on the contrary, you allow yourself to fully experience it, without judging yourself and without blocking everything in one place - you live with your body. because if you avoid them and don’t allow yourself to experience it, it will continue to tear, as if saying “notice me.”
Living your emotions fully, you do not blame others, but take responsibility for yourself, you cease to be a victim of circumstances, but become the master of your Life.
What benefits does this perception and management of emotions provide?
Standing in a kilometer-long traffic jam for thirty minutes may seem like torture, but when you disidentify with the overwhelming indignation, then your perception and consciousness are freed from the emotions of denial (denial own feelings– after all, we often do not want to fully experience what we feel), irritation, powerlessness, resentment, indignation. Yes, you can continue to experience them, and no less intensely, but the channel of your perception is freed up for other feelings and sensations, the veil recedes, your head becomes clearer and your actions are no longer dictated by emotions, but can be reasonable and sincere. You have expanded. Then amazing things happen: you begin to notice many pleasant little things around you, which combine into one picture of joy, high spirits, acceptance, in a word, total acceptance.
Even events can change- after all, when I do not experience resistance to the world, then it opens up to me. Circumstances are developing in the most favorable way. Consciousness is no longer absorbed by the emotion of rejection, it becomes clear and you can soberly assess the situation, draw conclusions and react savvyly and quickly.
I described an example of a simple situation, because regardless of the situation - simple or complex, feelings can be overwhelming, and regardless of the situation - you can control yourself according to this recipe. Believe me, no matter what difficult situation- accept it, let it be, and you will be able to act most correctly and wisely, for your own good and out of self-love.
This is trust – to the world, to God, to yourself.
Sincerely express your emotions and not judge them, but live instantly - and they leave.