How to become confident? How to increase confidence? In fact, this is one of the most common problems with which people turn to a psychologist.
Usually it starts differently. Few people come into the office and say: “I am an unconfident person, help me.”
It is precisely to people who are insecure that all these actions, habits and attitudes seem ordinary and normal. Uncertainty is always fear, and fears, as you know, must be fought in the name of harmonious and happy life!
So, let's look at how insecure people behave.
1. They don’t do what they would like, because they probably know that it won’t work out (not enough knowledge, experience, education, beauty or something else)
The good news is that success in any endeavor is almost never dependent on experience, education, or talent. Success is effort and belief in victory. Don't you know people who are very talented but, say, occupy worse positions than their less intelligent colleagues? Do you know cases when a person changed his life, becoming successful and famous, starting his journey from the very “bottom”? There are millions of examples of both, and what prevents you from achieving what you want is only your uncertainty. Scary - take a step, very scary - take two! Whether you succeed or not will depend only on the amount of effort you put in!
2. They communicate with people they don’t like or who humiliate them.
One of the most striking indicators of an insecure person is the amazing, incredible ability to continue communicating with people who humiliate them or assert themselves at their expense. When I was studying at high school, I had a friend who every day convinced me that I was fat, stupid, ugly, and whatever else teenagers usually convince each other of. By high school, I realized the unproductiveness of such communication, which is where it ended once and for all. This was in childhood, but I know a lot of adults who have such “friends” and with masochistic pleasure each time they listen to more and more interesting facts about themselves.
Such communication not only does not bring benefits - it is very harmful, both in the fact that your self-esteem tends to the plinth, and in the fact that you are incredibly depleted of energy, and your opponent, on the contrary, “feeds” on your emotions. Most likely, you have a lot of excuses why you can’t stop such communication, but know that it’s only in your head, ending such a relationship is much easier than you think. Some things just have to be done...
3. They cannot refuse a request.
These are such wonderful people who don’t even have any doubts when, after a hard day at work, they are asked to rush to the other end of the city to babysit while their mother and her friends go to the club. These are the same ones who will gladly take on a colleague’s job because he asked. They are ready to drop everything they are doing, postpone plans and fulfill requests from last bit of strength in the name of: “what if he thinks badly of me” or “what if he gets offended.”
Well, he'll think about it. And then what? What will change in your life if you say “no” when you want to say it? You will have more time and energy for your own affairs. Self-respect will increase. And they will begin to appreciate and respect you more. Yes, of course, if you are pleased to help, that’s one thing, but if they are already “riding on you and their legs are dangling,” then there is reason to think about it.
Don't know how to become a confident person? and get instructions on how to get out of uncertainty!
4. Their opinion of themselves directly depends on what others say about them.
This is the most common and most a difficult situation. The universe constantly sends us different people and different reactions to us. Some people like us, some don't. But it is the fixation on the opinions of others that reveals insecure people: “what will the neighbors say about me”, “what will they think if...”.
People still think the same way, and not always well. It is precisely this “not good” that our heroes usually accept about themselves as truth. I’m fat because the saleswoman in the store said so, no one needs me because the guy I refused said so, and so on and so forth.
The result is a portrait made from a crooked mirror. Do you remember funhouses as a child? Imagine that you have never seen yourself in a normal mirror before, and now they hand you a crooked one, where you look at yourself for the first time in your life. What will it feel like? This is what I am, it turns out...
But you are an adult, why do you form an understanding of yourself based on an image from an unreal reflection? There are many techniques to fix this. Start by writing out a list of your real qualities, based on objective data, and not on a subjective assessment of someone: “What kind of person I am…” (not to be confused with “what others say about me”).
5. They realize that they are not worthy of what they want.
"I'm too ugly to have loving husband", "I have poor education, so that I can earn more,” “with such a character, I will forever remain alone,” and so on and so forth. This is all nonsense.
Any miracle can happen to any person as soon as he is internally ready to accept it. Don't you know examples of ugly women and their happy marriages, lack of education and availability large sums money? If this happened to some people, it might happen to you too. It will be as soon as you are ready to accept it. Therefore, stop doubting, lowering your dreams and grow wings for your desires.
6. Compare themselves with acquaintances, friends, colleagues, neighbors
Yes, insecure people constantly compare themselves with someone else and the comparison is not in their favor.
But by definition, you cannot compare yourself with anyone else, because you are a unique person who came into this world. There has never been and never will be anyone like you on Earth! You are amazing! You are unique!
7. Doubt, tension, embarrassment are their constant companions.
Do you try not to do anything without thinking it through carefully, weighing and measuring everything 33 times, but doubts and tension less and less allow you to take a step towards new opportunities? Congratulations, it is your insecurities that are keeping you from living your life to the fullest.
Life gives us a lot of chances and it is only our choice to use them or not. By going over things in our heads, thinking and dreaming, but not doing anything, we miss a lot of opportunities. Life passes, act!
Also, people who are insecure often feel awkward and constantly apologize. They put their desires and their opinions in second and subsequent places, try to please everyone, prefer to “keep silent” and stay away from others, live in dreams, and put off real life “for later” and much more.
In general, self-doubt is one of the most destructive feelings. It is clear that everyone experiences doubts in one area or another from time to time, but when this uncertainty takes hold of a person, taking over his entire existence, it, without a doubt, begins to destroy his life. And if you don’t work on gaining self-confidence, then about a happy life, success and harmonious relationships out of the question.
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In this article we will talk about leadership quality, the quality of a real man is confidence. How to develop this quality, how to become confident in yourself, what it will give you in life, etc. do not miss!
Confidence— is not given to us at birth (contrary to this opinion). This quality (like many others) needs to be constantly WORKED and DEVELOPED IN YOURSELF!
Why do you need to WORK and PRODUCE?
- Firstly, because without confidence you can’t go anywhere. I think you understand this yourself! Confidence is necessary for success in any field of activity. Relationships, business, sports, politics, etc. the list goes on and on.
- Secondly, because confidence is one of the main qualities that defines a real man. Not a boy, not a guy, but a MAN with BALLS.
If you are unsure of yourself = it is your decision, your choice. To be confident or not is only your choice. Do you understand? In other words, like everything else in this life. It all depends on you.
If you really HAVE A DESIRE = you want => act. If you have NO DESIRE = you don’t want = and nothing will help you = you are inactive. There is no third!
An article for those who HAVE A DESIRE and WANT TO BE CONFIDENT. Who wants to CHANGE! Work on yourself. Plow. Upgrade yourself. I have a desire. And you?
Self confidence- begins, first of all, with inner faith in yourself!
If you yourself do not evoke this feeling in yourself, if you yourself do not believe in yourself (although who else if not you?), then how are you going to become a truly confident person? This is where it all begins.
CONCLUSION: Confidence begins with INNER BELIEF IN YOURSELF! Believe in yourself! Whatever you do, whatever you say, whatever you do, you are doomed to success. You are a man, so think like a man, make decisions like a man, talk like a man and act like a man.
If you program yourself to negative thoughts, nothing will work out for you. If you think that you are a failure and nothing will work out for you, then that is exactly what will happen. It all starts with the thoughts in our head (inside us), so watch them, avoid such crap, believe in yourself!
Life is painful, I was born in the wrong country, the government is like this, your girlfriend left/cheated on you, salaries are nothing, how to live at all, a lot of problems, why do I need all this, I’m fat, I’m shabby, I have no money, there is nothing, no car, no apartment/house, no girlfriend, I’m a loser, a loser, etc. and so on.
This is not MANLY behavior! Complaining, whining, etc. is WEAKNESS, a manifestation of an insecure person. All this needs to be eradicated, weeded out, cut down - instantly in the bud.
Otherwise, all this whining, complaints and other negativity, negative thoughts will depress you, drive you into depression, thereby making you an UNCONFIDENT person!
CONCLUSION: Confident people never complain or whine.
Yes, believe me, I understand perfectly well how difficult things can be life situations. But this is life! Do you understand? That's life! We all have difficulties, problems, failures, failures, stress, mistakes, etc. etc., without this there is no way. But you must always move forward. No matter how difficult it is, just move forward.
You have to forget about complaining/whining, etc., you just need to move forward, take it and do it while others whine/complain. This is the position of the strong, confident, successful individuals.
No matter how difficult, difficult, or bad it is, you must not give up under any circumstances. You need to look for a way out, solve a problem, a way, take it and do it, this is the position of real strong and confident men.
If you whine, cry, and complain about everything, you will be screwed. If this has already happened, get out of this ass! After all, if you move forward, despite everything, you will begin to really value yourself, you will become a strong, successful, and of course, self-confident person.
As I already said, we all have difficulties, problems, failures, failures, stress, jambs, etc. and so on. However, there is no need to dwell on this. Only forward and nothing more. Remember?
The more you live in the past, the more more possibilities you lose in the future.
Never reproach (criticize) yourself for anything. Don't get hung up. Draw appropriate conclusions (learn the lesson(s)) and take them into account in the future. This is the position of strong, confident, successful individuals.
Moreover, don't be afraid to endure and fail (or fail) at anything. All these failures are invaluable experience, which develops you and makes you stronger and generally better.
Never, under any circumstances.
This is harmful because... lowers self-esteem. The fact is that no person will compare himself to someone who is worse than him! And in life there will always be someone who will be better than you in this or that or in everything.
This is where negative thoughts and envy begin. Damn, he's better than me, and he has better car, cooler apartment, more beautiful girl, he dresses better, everything is better for him, blah blah blah...
As a result, self-esteem drops, something is wrong with me, I’m somehow different, I’m no better, I’m worse, damn it, ahhh, as a result, internal insecurity arises. Nip any negative thoughts in the bud.
So what? Realistically, so what if someone is better? Well, to hell with them! You really shouldn't give a damn about it. You are an individual, you have your own life! Live your life. Look after yourself and be yourself.
CONCLUSION: watch yourself, and never compare yourself with other people, because there is no point in that.
This is the position of weak, insecure individuals.
Self-criticism contributes to the formation negative perception yourself! When you say something (bad about yourself) = you program yourself to do it. There is no need to do this! As I said earlier, we made a mistake, mistakes, messed up, drew appropriate conclusions (learn the lesson(s)) and take them into account in the future, period. You need to move forward and only forward, no matter what.
Criticism of other people contributes to the formation of insecurity and complex person. Don’t waste your strength, your energy, your time on this, there is no point in it, absolutely none. Focus on yourself. For your own purposes. And just move forward.
All this is the position of CONFIDENT, strong, successful individuals. And be sure to read these articles: and
Start doing things that help you develop a certain lifestyle. Those. do those things that will increase your self-esteem and, as a result, self-confidence.
Start going to Gym or take up some other sport, eat well, dress well, take care of yourself, your appearance, body, take care of hygiene, develop in general, read books, articles, literature, improve yourself, create varied hobbies for yourself - all this will help you love yourself, begin to appreciate, gain self-respect, and of course - confidence.
About clothes, by the way, if you know that you are well, beautifully and expensively dressed, then your self-esteem increases, you feel and behave completely differently than in cheap junk.
If you eat well, take care of yourself, your appearance, develop, etc. and so on. then you love yourself and treat yourself with respect. You know your worth, you are a confident person!
About goals, by the way, set goals for yourself!! When you achieve what you want, your self-esteem will skyrocket, rest assured. Confidence is based on the feeling of victory. When you win (achieve your goal, your goals, desires, etc.) you become more and more confident in yourself. With each victory you respect yourself more and more, because you set goals for yourself and you achieve them, therefore you are cool. To put it simply :) Study:
You see, if there are drunks next to you, if your surroundings are drunks, then it is very likely that you will very soon and unnoticed by yourself)) turn into the same drunk.
Another example on our topic. If there are only whiners and losers next to you (surrounding you), then you will turn into the same weirdo. Do you need it?
If you value yourself, you will never waste time on people who are unworthy of you, who bring nothing to your life, but only waste time on some bullshit, make you weaker, pull you to the bottom, torture you, “give you "only negative, etc. and so on.
It's the same with girls. Don't be fooled by just anyone. I understand that in modern world full of whores, and in general I want to fool everyone, having as many females as possible, but my advice to you: know how to choose.
If you win a beautiful, smart, qualitatively cool girl who knows her worth, your self-esteem will skyrocket. After all, if she is so cool, and you conquered her and she is with you, then you are cool too. Do you understand? The easiest way is to remove a homeless person from Kursk station, but with it there will be no such effect.
Tip #8. Communicate, make new acquaintances, speak in front of your audience(s).
New acquaintances in real life (in life, and not on social networks on the Internet) are new impressions, something unusual, new experience, knowledge, communication in general, overcoming fears, uncertainty, doubts, etc. it liberates, makes you open, helps you become more confident in yourself.
Speaking in front of an audience(s) is generally aerobatics, which is guaranteed to make you MORE CONFIDENT and MORE CONFIDENT every time!
Do not be afraid! Don't be shy, etc. for all this is a manifestation of weakness and self-doubt.
Someone's condemnation, opinion, etc. shouldn't worry you. You are a person! You must have your own opinion, so express it. Rest assured, there will always be someone who disagrees with you on this or that issue. Well, to hell with it, be yourself, you are a man, a confident person!
Confident people never pay attention to other people's opinions. Confident people don't care about other people's opinions. What other people think about them. What they say about them, etc. self-confident people don’t prove anything to anyone, they don’t care about it, they don’t CARE about it! Confident people are goal-oriented. They move forward and only forward, achieving their goals!
Tip #10. Be independent and don't rely on anyone.
The ability to solve your problems is a sign of a strong, truly successful male. A male with eggs that is not AFRAID OF RESPONSIBILITY! He is not afraid to take responsibility for himself, his life, making decisions, etc. A male who MANAGES the SITUATION, and not THE SITUATION BY HIM! A male who does not go with the flow, but chooses the direction that is convenient for him.
Tip #11. After a while (I’m finishing it) = GET RID OF YOUR FEARS! BREAK YOUR FEARS!
Break your fears. Challenge yourself. This really boosts your self-confidence!
How to break your fear? How to get rid of it? => The best way is to “look the emu in the face.” Yes, it’s scary, but you need to ACT, with inner FAITH IN YOURSELF! With faith in SUCCESS!
That's all. READING ALL THIS IS NOT ENOUGH - APPLY YOUR KNOWLEDGE!!! WORK ON YOURSELF. Constantly work, work and work again. Inaction will not bring you anything. There must be constant work on yourself! This is the only way to achieve something. The only way. Good luck!
Best regards, administrator.
Readers of my blog often ask me the question: “ how to become a confident person" In this article I will answer this question.
Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal installations. Besides this quality relies on our actual skills and abilities.
When you are good at something, and, at the same time, reality has repeatedly demonstrated to you that you have truly succeeded in this skill, you have less food to doubt your skill.
If you have never had problems communicating, if you have always been able to clearly formulate your thoughts, be interesting conversationalist and you have always seen what a good impression you make on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself as an interlocutor.
But things are not always that simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.
I'll give you 25 tips on how to become confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one’s strengths, in one’s capabilities, in one’s undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the communication process, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, this is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.
In my advice I will touch on all these components. I won't categorize advice based on how it relates to these multiple levels of self-confidence. After all, confidence in own strength ah is associated, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and are suitable for a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.
However, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to working on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.
Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!
When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice won’t be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »
At the same time, I was reading the book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me awaken faith in myself. “...his doubts did not cease at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation...”
Some of my readers may think that this will be followed by my phrase: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”
No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me finally become convinced of what I had only guessed about. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any endeavor. It is not always possible to escape from them somewhere. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but to simply do my job, without listening to the voice of uncertainty when it bothers me.
The fact is that in large quantities In cases of doubt, they are only emotions that have nothing to do with reality. If you think that you won’t succeed at something, it doesn’t mean that you really won’t succeed if you make every effort.
If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be exactly like that.
Doubts and confidence constantly replace each other. These are temporary phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were more confident in it than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of energy, than in the evening, when their strength leaves them.
Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of the emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strength. Sometimes you can simply get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.
But other times, you just have to stop listening to that voice of doubt and take action. It's normal to doubt yourself, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not stand in the way of all your endeavors.
I want to say that becoming self-confident does not mean never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!
If you want to know, I still doubt myself often, but do I come across as an insecure person? If I stopped every time I encountered doubt, you would see almost no article on this site.
Tip 2 – Know the time when self-confidence leaves you
Pay attention to when and in what situations you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find some kind of pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to it.
For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, my endeavors, my words, my thoughts just before bed, when I start to fall asleep. I’ve already gotten used to this, and when self-doubt visits me again, I greet it like an old acquaintance: “here they are, evening doubts, as usual.”
I can’t say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a common emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am actually wrong.
On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too confident. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, so I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.
Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty comes to you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, reduce these doubts “in price”.
Also use moments of “self-confidence” to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.
Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unkind comment on the site can kill the confidence in what I'm doing for a while in a matter of seconds. (Is it true Lately this happens less and less. Not comments, but uncertainty.)
And at this moment it doesn’t matter to me that a few minutes before I didn’t doubt anything. It also doesn’t matter to me that reality has repeatedly demonstrated to me that what I’m doing is correct.
People tend to overestimate the significance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to global perspective life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that it has always been this way, despite all past successes.
At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your actual capabilities and successes, without giving in current state. It’s like “in fact, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I’ve already achieved this and that.”
For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, they have already written to me about it, they read it regularly and leave grateful comments, someone, thanks to my advice, has learned to cope with... panic attacks etc.
At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.
I recommend that you stop at the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (fatigue, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this state passes.
And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, constrained by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing, it happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.
Tip 4 – Don’t listen to people who say “you can’t do it”
It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends and acquaintances. You expect them to support you in your new endeavor, but often all you get is a stop sign.
Some people are simply unable to dispel your doubts because they care about their own psychological comfort, not about your happiness.
You don’t think that you are the only person who lacks self-confidence, and you are surrounded only by people who are confident in their own abilities? Unfortunately, most people never decide to do anything bold and independent. They want to believe that if something didn’t work out for them, then you won’t succeed either.
They secretly wish for your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.
Imagine that you have decided to open your own business and are consulting with a person who has been employed most of his life. What advice do you expect from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it didn’t work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this field, but continue to live an ordinary life and go to work every day.
Therefore, consult about your endeavors with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take your example from them, and not from those who have failed.
Tip 5 – When you doubt yourself, think about your “ideal self”
It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments. common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or young man and ask him or her out on a date.
You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore there is no point in asking him out and wasting your time on it.
But, in fact, you are just afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you understand that it is fear that is holding you back?
Form in your mind an image of an “ideal self” who is not afraid of anything and who is always confident. It is a perfect copy of yourself. Think about what it would do if it were you? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?
But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you are obliged to do so. You are not perfect. But when you realize that ideal you would need to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.
Find out more about the “ideal self” method in my article.
While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m not capable of anything,” “I won’t be able to, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. You yourself determine whether something will work out for you or not. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, try again.
You free people, and no innate qualities or character traits prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the kind of person you want to become, having received from life what you want to get. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself are used to thinking.
You should stop seeing restrictions where there are none. Don't be afraid of difficulties, just start taking action.
The next few tips will touch on the problem of self-doubt in communication.
I already wrote about what I want to talk about at this point in the article, and here I will repeat it again. Don't think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. Most time they think about themselves, even when they pretend to listen to you.
So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you think.
I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it for the following reason. If you learn to pay attention to someone other than yourself, your mind will be less occupied with fear of possibilities and plagued by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what people think about you.
You will look at other people and engage in dialogue with them. You will take your mind off your fears and see in other people much that you had not noticed in them before. You will realize that you and other people have more similarities than differences. And therefore there is no need to be afraid of anyone.
You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not react painfully to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.
Therefore, be calm about your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then simply draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.
It's human nature to make mistakes, there's nothing wrong with that.
The people around you most likely have many flaws and weaknesses, even if they seem very confident. You don’t need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.
You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of your bosses, women or men, or colleagues. They are people just like you.
You shouldn’t go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct.” Such attempts, as a rule, indicate uncertainty about some of your qualities. When you are not too confident in your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.
Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, and excessive assertiveness in communication can indicate internal self-doubts.
So stop bragging and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are when interacting with other people.
Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You don’t need to appear better than you are, but you also shouldn’t seem worse than you are. Everything must have a limit. Don't be shy about speaking directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).
If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in those qualities. And when other people see that you are confident, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be confident in him.”
And if other people praise your qualities, then without embarrassment, accept their compliments as if you deserved it. Thank people for good words to your address.
Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised being yourself and not pretending, I still recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.
Firstly, appearing confident is simply beneficial, for the reason that people themselves become more confident in you. It is a fact that people who are insecure are less loved and respected.
Secondly, when you simply pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. After all, very often feelings of uncertainty and doubt have nothing to do with your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following their lead, you take control of them.
Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, encourage them. This will endear your interlocutors to you. And when people are friendly towards you, it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.
Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.
Previously, when I was an insecure person, I always had something on my mind, not letting it go. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, on the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I lost it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always in full view.
On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak about them directly. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or will be criticized. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m wrong, to renounce my views if someone convinces me otherwise.
I am interested in discussing with people on topics that concern me, learning other people’s opinions, expanding my horizons.
When I talk about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to everyone, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And such an action helps to be more confident in myself, because I expose myself to the test of the opportunity to face someone else’s opinion. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence blossoms!
Don't wait for someone to pour out their soul to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, there is no need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with your interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will be frank with you. And when someone opens up to you, then your self-confidence will increase!
Of course, appearance has some meaning, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉
Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of your interlocutors, do not make unnecessary hand gestures. Don’t crumple your fingers, don’t pick your lips, don’t “uh-huh.” Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, it will start to work out for you.
Have a strong position and unshakable views regarding certain things. Don't rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, or engage in long, meaningless arguments (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).
This means having a strong, well-founded, thoughtful position, a set of own principles, which cannot be shaken by every random opinion.
I am confident that I am doing the right thing by maintaining this site and filling it with articles. I believe that meditation is beneficial, and people are missing out on many of the benefits if they give up the practice. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their own shortcomings. I am sure that every person...
I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based and therefore I am confident in those words and actions. This confidence helps me continue to do what I do. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it never disappears.
Form your own life position. Understand what you want from life. Think about your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind enthusiasm and rejection of other people's opinions! Maintain a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on them!
Formulate your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: “if you show diligence, everything will work out.” Realize how confident you are in this principle. Reason like this: “the experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be confident in this principle. And it doesn't matter what others say! They can say anything!” Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then return again to your inner confidence, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and in experience.
You don't necessarily need to visit any special courses to increase self-confidence. Why do this, why pay money, when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?
Why do you need to train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?
You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!
Meet other people, go to meetings, group events (it’s better to abstain from alcohol; I wrote why in an article about). Put the recommendations I have given into practice, take care of yourself, be aware of your fear and uncertainty. Try to understand what things you are unsure about and why. What are you going to do about it?
- these are excellent free lessons business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary above your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the harder it is to justify that you are worthy of the money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will strengthen.
A side effect of such training may be that you find a more suitable job for yourself for more money. Isn’t it tempting to not pay for lessons and get them yourself?
Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your actual merits.
Of course, self-perception and emotional state are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their merits and learn to cope with doubts, as I wrote about above.
But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something in a person can be confident.
Therefore, develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. , improve self-control.
Read more books any direction: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.
Improve your professional qualities. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.
Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. As you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you do better than others.
Think about what you are good at.
If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, and see the impact of your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!
Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident in themselves than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, lack charm, and are not smart enough, then this will always be the case. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, since it will once again remind them of their “ineradicable” shortcomings.
But people with a growth mindset (traits that can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the very fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine these people’s self-confidence. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves and become better!
Someone else's criticism is not a death sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development. Failures are no longer failures, they become valuable lessons. Willingness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence build people’s self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will never achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.
Therefore, I reminded you once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!
I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. For what? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.
Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to think like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I’m weak in this, this and that. I can improve some qualities, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It’s normal, because you can’t be perfect.”
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are bad at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something unchangeable, but as a frontier for future work.
Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not hurt you at all.
If you believe that practically any qualities can be developed (and this is undoubtedly possible) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those life situations that you were afraid of due to self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these life situations are training for your personality traits.
Are you bad at communication? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.
Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're bad at it? There is only one way to learn this and I think you can guess which one.
Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those qualities of your personality that you are not sure of. Learn new skills and put those skills into practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them armed with the desire to develop. And then you will open up many more life opportunities than if you just sat with your hands folded.
If you don’t know how to do something, or doubt some of your qualities, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to achieve, then there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about something you can't change? Accept it!
Tip 25 – Don’t wait for confidence to appear – take action
This is the last and most important advice. You don't have to wait until you don't have any doubts or fears before you decide to do anything. You can wait in vain for this state to appear all your life without starting to do anything.
Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold endeavor. And you will not be able to become confident in yourself until you begin to step over your fears, act contrary to them, not paying attention to your anxiety and uncertainty.
Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you gain over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait for it to become easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will strengthen your character and it will become as hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!
Self-confidence is a quality of any person who wants to achieve success in all areas of his life. Anyone who is confident in himself is successful both in work and in personal life, and in hobbies. Confident people doesn't slow down constant fear: “What if it doesn’t work out?”, “What will they think of me?”
How to gain self-confidence? Below we will offer some tips that will tell you how to become more confident in yourself. But first, get ready to understand your character, study and analyze your characteristics. After all, self-doubt arises, among other things, due to the fact that a person does not realize or does not see his strengths.
What is important to know to become more confident in yourself
Most people feel self-doubt at certain moments. This is absolutely normal reaction to an unfamiliar, unusual situation that has never been encountered before. People don’t want to take a step into the unknown; they try to think through and provide for everything, and that’s normal.
However, for some, this feeling becomes permanent, paralyzing activity. We need to work with this.
First of all you need to enable rational thinking. Timidity and constraint often have no basis, relying only on thoughts like “what if...”, “what will people say?..” Don’t think about what they will say about you. Use logic.
Decide on your primary values and goals. Life guide will help you go your own way without being distracted by unnecessary fears. When a person sees the perspective of the most important thing, the rest recedes into the background. He doesn’t think “what if I don’t succeed?” - he does everything to make it work.
Study your life, think about what could lead to such a state. Consider several situations that are scary. What do they have in common? How do they cause disbelief in their abilities? Find the reason on which this self-doubt is based.
So, here are some opportunities to boost your self-confidence.
Self-confidence and self-improvement
Where does self-doubt come from and what does it mean? In most cases, a person either does not see his positive qualities or does not concentrate on them, concentrating on failures and shortcomings. But when he realizes that he has something to respect for, his self-confidence will increase.
Take Blank sheet and write down yours strong qualities. Feel free to write everything you can remember. Do you read English without a dictionary? Are you helping your neighbor carry a heavy bag? Are you a good cook? Do you arrive on time to any meetings? Write everything down, no matter how small it may seem. Then hang the sheet in a prominent place and look at it every morning. As soon as you find a new advantage, sign up with the others.
Do the same work with the shortcomings, just write them down on another sheet. And opposite each one, write down what you can do to eradicate it.
In addition, monitor your sense of self and record moments of indecision. Know when you are in good shape and can act decisively, and when you should not schedule important negotiations.
How to increase your self-confidence now
But what to do if self-doubt is an obstacle right now? Let's say you urgently need to make an important call, contact someone, and there is no time to work on yourself. To get yourself together and gain self-confidence in a short period of time, use these methods.
Raise your head and straighten your shoulders. Self-doubt manifests itself in physical level– and at the same level it can be adjusted. Squeeze your shoulder blades together as if you are squeezing something between them, lift your chin and straighten your back. If possible, do this in front of a mirror. You will see how your posture changes and what a confident person looks like.
Stand in front of the mirror and say: “I will do it. I can do anything. My confidence is enough to achieve my goal.” Repeat this several times until you feel like you believe what you are saying.
Breathe deeply. This calms and oxygenates the brain, helping it function. Confident people think rationally, without giving in to emotions, so use this opportunity to get your mind in order.
Try aromatherapy. Carry with you essential oil- for example, lavender, which calms and puts thoughts in order, or citrus fruits - they refresh and invigorate. Also, in order to bring yourself into a balanced state, rosemary, sandalwood, and sage oils are excellent. Or try different ones and choose an individual one, the smell of which evokes pleasant associations and helps you get in the right frame of mind.
An obvious but effective method is to watch a motivational video or listen to an upbeat, dynamic track. They can be found, for example, in sports communities - people communicate there who, by the nature of their activities, constantly overcome self-doubt.
How to become confident: long-term methods
What can you do to make self-confidence fundamental? A longer and more regular set of actions will be required. Here are some ideas.
Hang in your room a portrait of someone who is definitely not characterized by self-doubt. This could be an actor or TV presenter, a famous public figure, a character in a book, perhaps a friend, relative or colleague. The main thing is a worthy role model that you want to strive for. And remember: even those who seem extremely confident in themselves are characterized by doubts and moments of weakness. The task is not to avoid such moments completely, but to learn to cope with them.
Get a pet. It often helps to become big, strong, omnipotent and irreplaceable for someone. It is not necessary to start with a huge Rottweiler, which requires a special character from the owner - for starters, it is enough to small hamster or a kitten. You will begin to watch your pet grow, and along with it, your self-confidence as an experienced and caring owner will begin to grow.
Keep a diary of your achievements. Every evening, write down three positive events that happened during the day. Have you decided to do something that you have been putting off for a long time? Completed important stage work? Record this every evening.
Those who use this method note the following advantages:
- clearly shows personal progress;
- motivates you to new feats - so that in the evening you have something to write down with a feeling of satisfaction;
- disciplines. Knowing that in the evening you need to report to someone - even to your own diary - keeps you on your toes;
- Regularly re-reading your achievements lifts your spirits and allows you to become self-confident.
Communicate often. With close friends, co-workers or neighbors - start a conversation, maintain communication. Speak first and answer not in monosyllables, but in detail. People who are insecure can find it difficult to both speak and respond. But the more willingly they overcome shyness, the easier it is for them to make new attempts.
Reward yourself. Did you successfully give a presentation at work or talk to your manager about a salary increase? Did you smile at someone you’ve liked for a long time? Have a conversation with an acquaintance whom you usually just say hello to? It's already huge achievements! They deserve to be celebrated. Buy yourself a small present or go to a cafe or cinema. You deserve it.
Learn and gain experience. We are not talking about advanced training courses now, although they are important. Learn from the people around you, adopt useful traits, draw conclusions from different life situations. Sometimes people make mistakes because they are faced with an unfamiliar situation and, out of surprise, are unable to react correctly. There is nothing wrong with this if you use such mistakes as experience for the future.
Do what you're afraid of. Jumping with a parachute if you are afraid of heights is too strong a remedy, such shock therapy suitable for few people. But looking at the city from at least the sixth floor or taking a ride on the Ferris wheel is something that will help you become more self-confident. Gradually overcoming your fears strengthens both willpower and self-esteem.
Think about what you are afraid of and analyze: what exactly is frightening and overwhelming? Are you afraid of losing ground under your feet, afraid of the unknown, or maybe you are too worried about the opinions of others? Regularly put yourself in similar situations on the verge of the proverbial comfort zone. Think of it as a kind of simulator for self-confidence: at first it will seem difficult, but then it will grow and strengthen just like muscles in the gym.
Self-confidence training through positive thinking
Where does a complete pessimist get self-confidence? For someone who constantly expects a trick from life and sees the negative in everything? To feel confident in yourself, you need to know that most problems can be solved, and in most cases you can always come to an agreement with others.
Find the source of your strength. This could be a place, a hobby, a pastime that will become an outlet that allows you to escape from doubts and fears about the future. Any place where some strong and joyful event took place and where it is easy to return at any time, or at least a photograph of this place; an activity that turns out well and during which all troubles are forgotten - any outlet is good.
Don’t think badly about yourself, and especially don’t say it out loud. People around us read our self-perception and, as a result, begin to treat us accordingly. If you keep telling them about your shortcomings and fears, they will become stronger in the idea that they are communicating with someone who is constrained and not a confident person, and such a belief will be more difficult to break. And if you convince yourself of your own negative qualities, then self-doubt will only increase. Don't give her a chance.
Limit communication with pessimists, " energy vampires”, which talk exclusively about how bad everything is. Perhaps they also experience self-doubt, or maybe in this way they want to improve their own well-being. Doesn't matter. You need to develop your confidence, and not feed other people's complexes.
If you cannot avoid communicating with someone who constantly complains - you work together, live nearby - try to abstract yourself: put on headphones, or, if this is not allowed, imagine around you protective barrier and imagine how the complaints collide with him and are crushed without causing harm. The main thing is not to let yourself be drawn into this stream of pessimism.
Seek friendly support from a loved one. Family and friends see our positive traits and will be able to draw our attention to them, even if we do not notice our advantages or do not consider them significant.
And encourage your loved ones to believe in themselves. It is known that the more generously we give, the more we receive. Not to mention the fact that family members invariably expect and appreciate this.
How to be confident in yourself: various psychological tricks
Above we talked about rational methods that can be understood by reason. What do experts suggest? psychological techniques? There are several specific methods that nevertheless work.
Try to draw your fears. What color, shape, who or what do they look like? Look into their eyes, get to know them. They will become less scary
Create an anchor. Remember a situation in your life that is full of confidence and stability. Imagine yourself in this state, remembering every detail - those present, events, weather and lighting, sounds, smells... And then, when a complete picture is formed, do something strong, confident gesture, which will be an anchor to this state: a clenched fist, any movement symbolizing success and victory, or a short and strong phrase - for example, “Just do it!”
Or better yet, a gesture and a phrase at the same time. Perform this ritual as soon as you need it and feed your anchor - add new energetic situations to the picture of success.
Create an image of your ideal self. When in doubt, imagine what this person would do. Would she really give up? You are not ideal, and you do not have to always act like this fictional character. But comparison with the standard will help you quickly realize that it is not objective reasons, but exclusively internal doubts.
Simulate the situation you are afraid of and bring it to the point of absurdity. You need to leave work early tomorrow and will have to ask your colleague to switch shifts. You are hesitant: you think that he will definitely refuse, and will also complain to the manager. Now imagine what will happen if you still ask him? What will he do?
The colleague will certainly be outraged to the core. He will bring a huge angry Rottweiler to work, who will fiercely protect his personal space. He will publish it in newspapers and show the story on television. He will report to the police and demand a squad special purpose... Imagine everything you can imagine until it becomes funny: of course, such terrible consequences will not happen, in worst case the colleague will simply refuse.
Change long-standing habits. Have you decided to become a different, confident person who approaches life differently? What else does this person do differently? Find one of your habits and change it. Of course, you should not change useful skills that have been developed for a long time - such as morning work-out. But try doing it with music, or in another place in the apartment, or not in the morning, but in the evening. Or go to a new place for lunch, change your usual route, switch to an unfamiliar style of music.
Self-confidence and personal progress: killing two birds with one stone
Find a foreign language learning partner. This method of improvement is increasingly being practiced oral speech like communicating with a native speaker. There are special forums where you can meet someone from another country and communicate via Skype. You will not only improve your spoken English (or any other language), but also understand how to become self-confident.
It may seem difficult to start - your tongue gets stuck, the simplest phrases fly out of your head, and you look at the webcam stranger... But this person, firstly, expects this and is ready for such a turn, and secondly, he himself is in a similar position. Your language is also foreign to him, which means that the two of you will understand each other’s condition, despite the language barrier.
Play sports. It will strengthen not only muscles, but also willpower. Systematic overcoming weakness and constant transition to a higher level of development is the most correct remedy. You will observe progress in the mirror, in your well-being, and in the feedback of others. Swimming, jogging, powerlifting or table tennis - choose something familiar or try something new. Start under the guidance of a trainer, he will tell you how to avoid mistakes and which program will be optimal.
Start a blog. Write down everything that comes to mind: the events of the past day, your opinion about a book or movie, plans for the future. Post photos of the cat, creative process, landscape on the way to work. Don't worry about the number of followers or their reaction. You do it for your own purposes, and if someone else likes it, great, but if not, that's okay. Just live your life and leave a record of it.
After a few weeks or months, it will be pleasant to return to memories, to some episodes of your pastime. In addition, after some time progress will become noticeable. You will see that you begin to write better, express thoughts more clearly, and select materials more interesting. Look for articles on how to write well and do it like a pro.
Try your hand at creativity. There are many master classes on the Internet - drawing, needlework, modeling, engraving, choose any suitable one - and go! Few people succeed in their first attempt, but there will be a second and a third. And the feeling of a finished thing made with your own hands cannot be compared with anything. Feeling like a creator of something new is exactly what you need to develop self-confidence.
Don’t set goals to produce a masterpiece from the very first attempts - just enjoy the process and realize how something appears before your eyes that was not there before. And then, probably, these attempts will become a new successful hobby.
Do charity work. The world is full of places whose inhabitants are much less fortunate. Orphanages, nursing homes, foster homes for animals - help is always needed. You can provide material support, you can contact volunteers and ask if they need help with something. You will do the world better, and it will definitely boost your self-confidence.
Self-doubt and its three indicators
How to recognize someone who is not too confident? General form“gray mouse” - this is understandable: a haunted facial expression, clothes of gloomy tones... But even those who take care of their appearance are often betrayed by features that manifest themselves on the physical level:
- handwriting;
- gait;
- manner of speech.
When wondering how to be confident, pay attention to your handwriting. Perhaps it is very small? Are the lines even or creeping down? Don’t be afraid to take up more space – even if only on a piece of paper.
Work on your speech style. It has been noticed that self-doubt manifests itself in the way a person speaks: too quickly - as if he is afraid that they might interrupt and wants to speak out quickly - and not loudly enough so as not to attract unnecessary attention. Sign up for courses acting skills or just read aloud, record and listen.
Speech is an extremely important factor: express thoughts in such a way that the listener realizes that they have weight. Measurement, intonation, timbre of voice, clear diction– having achieved this, people usually become much more confident in themselves.
Watch your gait. Some insecure people walk too fast, as if they want to quickly pass through a dangerous space. Don't make a fuss. Carry your person with dignity. Look in front of you and to the sides, not at your shoes. And remember about posture.
Your body can become a tool for achieving confidence. Use it. Increase your speed: Do household chores or work tasks as quickly as you can (but not in a fussy manner). This will benefit your cause and help you stay on your toes. Avoid sluggish movements and procrastination – do it quickly and clearly and move on!
Self-doubt as a hindrance to business
Do you want to grow professionally, but are you afraid to show your work to the world? Stories or drawings, a portfolio of an IT specialist or a photographer - in any field, beginners, and sometimes even experienced professionals, do not know how to develop self-confidence. Its lack often turns out to be a serious obstacle to growth. Here are some tips on how to gain confidence in yourself as an employee.
Ask for criticism. Even if it turns out to be unpleasant, it is better than worrying about the unknown. You will know where to grow and what to pay attention to. And if the professionals give a positive feedback- all the better!
Many people can be intimidated by the idea of being criticized. To prevent strangers from exacerbating your self-doubt, remember what kind of criticism you should pay attention to:
- constructive – one that explains what exactly is wrong and what to pay attention to;
- professional - from someone who really understands the subject;
- expressed in a respectful manner. Worthwhile Tips given by those who once started and also went through self-doubt.
Find a mentor. Some professionals want to delegate some of their routine work to less experienced colleagues, while others are willing to give advice to newcomers. Communicate in thematic communities and forums - the more knowledge and life hacks, the higher your self-confidence!
Find someone you can teach yourself something. The advice is the opposite of the previous one, but it works. In any business, there are those who are better and those who are just starting. Perhaps someone else suffers even more from self-doubt. You can help him - just find each other!
Don't be afraid to ask for advice. Some people are afraid of looking stupid by asking others about things that they have long known and studied. But none of us are born experts in a particular field, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to learn new things.
If you don’t dare ask a question on a completely unknown topic, first study the material on the Internet, read a couple of articles and understand basic concepts, and then ask about what remains unclear. Professionals respect those who strive to develop and are willing to help if they see that the newcomer sincerely wants to develop.
Go to interviews. It’s not scary if you give yourself the attitude: I’m not here to get my life’s work, I’m here for other purposes. You will show your knowledge, practice business communication, prove yourself as a potential specialist, and maybe even find a new interesting position!
Develop yourself. Gain new knowledge and skills. Attend master classes, study video courses in your specialty and master related topics, subscribe to professional blogs. Draw a diagram - what you already know and what you have yet to learn - and add to it as you gain new knowledge. The right way drive away self-doubt - know that it is not justified. There will always be doubts, but let them not interfere, but push you to grow higher.
Study not only materials in your specialty. You will become a versatile specialist if you have an understanding of related fields. In addition, even in “unrelated” topics you can find something that will help you look at your specialty from a different angle and draw analogies. Learn more about the world, and you yourself will understand that there is no reason or reason for uncertainty!
How to set goals correctly to become self-confident
Achieving any important goal will help you gain self-confidence. But how to put it correctly so that even stronger self-doubt does not arise? Often people go astray and remain dissatisfied with themselves because they decided to achieve the impossible or did not understand what, why and in what volumes they need.
Set deadlines. They must be reasonable - for example, it is impossible to learn a foreign language from scratch to an advanced level in two weeks or even two months. But learning all the irregular verbs during this time is more than possible. When in doubt, seek the answer from professionals.
Set the task as specifically as possible. How do you know that the goal has been achieved? In case of irregular verbs everything is easy - their number is known. In this case, the goal will look like “learn 150 verbs, their translations and inflections in a month.” Everything is extremely clear and specific.
Make sure that the task is relevant and important, and also - an important factor - that it will not cause harm. Another good example– training programs planned by day, in which the number of repetitions of the exercise increases every day, and at the end of the period the participant achieves impressive results. You can take such a program as an achievement of a goal: it’s simple - everything is already thought out and planned. But before you take on such a program, you need to make sure that it will not harm your health.
Write a plan and start implementing it, and when you achieve it, feel free to write it down on your list. Knowing that you know how to achieve your goal and achieve success will definitely help you become more confident.
How to become a confident girl
The same methods apply for girls as for guys. But there are some ways that specifically help representatives fair half humanity to become self-confident.
Change the style. A new hairstyle, a different color of lipstick or eye shadow, a brighter and more open dress - all this makes you feel different, relaxed and free.
You should be comfortable with your new look, so don't make drastic changes like cutting off your hair. long hair– even if someone persistently suggests. But don't be afraid to try! Spin in front of the mirror, try yourself in the guise of a popular actress or movie heroine, and then come up with something of your own. Your personality can sparkle with new colors - change more often, try new things, find your unique style.
Use bright colors. Cheerful orange will fill you with energy, green will tell you about your love of life, and every girl knows about the influence of red. You don't like any of them bright colors? Choose a more sophisticated one - turquoise, gold, coral. You don't have to throw away your favorite gray dress either, but liven it up with bright shoes, jewelry or a neckerchief.
Don't choose cheap accessories. Your handbag and shoes will make you more aware of their weight if they are made of genuine leather. You will feel freer when you pay from a beautiful, sophisticated wallet. And if finances don’t allow it, just don’t forget to make sure that your accessories always look impeccable, without stains or frayed edges. But still think about investing in becoming a confident girl. This will add success, and in the end it will be more economical for the budget.
Make friends with cosmetics and perfumes. Use them to highlight your features and smooth out imperfections. You don't have to do full makeup every morning, but light daytime makeup and a trail of good perfume are tools that eliminate unnecessary worries and help you be confident.
Do not compare yourself with stars - singers, actresses, other public ladies. Remember that behind the picture in glossy magazines is the work of dozens of people: stylists, makeup artists, PR managers... Photoshop masters, not least. Often beautiful Foto- the merit of both the model and the retouching master, and to the question “how to achieve this hair color, such smooth skin?” The correct answer is “using a photo editor.”
People often look for people they want to emulate, and if this helps them become better, that’s only a plus. But don’t despair if you can’t reach the level of famous people - remember how much is hidden behind the scenes.
Use the method from the old movie: repeat in front of the mirror: “I am charming, attractive, confident.” This mindset for success really works.
Don't pay too much attention to the opinions of others. Listen to those you consider to be authorities, who have achieved a lot, always show yourself as best as you can, but do not take every word said to heart, especially from strangers.
Sign up for a dance class. Oriental or Irish, exquisite waltz or fiery salsa - all without exception will improve your posture and figure, provide new skills and interesting acquaintances. Some dances - for example, tribal or flamenco - initially carry the philosophy of female independence and freedom, and in addition, for them you do not need to look for a partner.
But consider also the options for partner dancing - don’t be afraid to seem awkward in front of an experienced dancer: these people, in most cases, are happy to help beginners join their favorite world. You will forget about self-doubt!
Book a photo session with a good photographer. Look through several portfolios, find someone whose style you consider thoughtful and high-quality. Chat with him before taking photos - some photographers prefer to work with experienced and relaxed models, but many know how and love to reveal in their work different tempers. You will see yourself in photographs through the eyes of a person with good artistic taste and will understand that you can look interesting and attractive.
Smile more. This is the simplest answer to the question of how to become self-confident, the fastest - and one of the most effective. Show openness and interest to others, and it will definitely come back. Be who you want to see yourself.
How to become a confident communicator
Have a topic of conversation ready. Avoid politics, religion and gossip about mutual friends - there are many other topics besides these. This could be a book read the day before, a TV show watched, a funny incident from life, or new technology. Your hobby can become an extensive topic of conversation - of course, if the interlocutor is also interested in it.
Listen to others, not yourself. When a person is focused on not saying the wrong thing, he doesn't follow the thread of the conversation and can't open up fully. Instead, focus on what the other person is saying. You will gain a reputation as an attentive, grateful listener and will not focus on how not to make a mistake, wasting extra energy on it.
Ask open questions– which require a detailed answer and cannot be answered “yes” or “no.” The interlocutor will say more, and you can ask about details or remember something of your own. Show interest in his story and enjoy the conversation.
Be sincere. Those who are confident in themselves are confident in their thoughts and express them boldly. Such people are not afraid of misunderstanding and criticism, because they firmly stand their ground, and also because in the case of justified and constructive criticism they don't lose anything. And at the same time, don’t let anyone confuse you. You have already decided on your goals and priorities.
Have your principles that you will never give up, and be flexible in what is not essential. Confident people are not afraid to show themselves, so their words do not disagree with their thoughts and life position.
What you need to know to be confident
Doubts are normal. It is impossible to calculate absolutely all the consequences of your actions. Even in ordinary affairs, not to mention new and ambitious ones, surprises happen, and therefore all doubts before starting a new business, meeting or conversation are justified and natural. The goal is not to not experience anxiety, but to do your job despite them. Moreover, most of them are far-fetched and not connected with reality.
The state of confidence is not always stable - it can depend on the environment, health, weather and even time of day. In the morning we are toned and full of energy, but in the evening we have less strength left. Confidence may also decrease due to a quarrel in the family or troubles at work. But this does not mean that you should follow the lead external factors. Self-confidence means being able to overcome your worries and move forward.
People are self-obsessed. They think first of all about their own affairs and problems. They don't track your failures. Those who have ever given a toast at a holiday will confirm this: having risen from their seats and looking around those present, you can notice that half of them do not even look in the direction of the one who is so worried.
Someone adds wine, someone chooses a tastier piece, and someone put a stain on their shirt and is busy only with it. Life goes on as usual, despite all our worries. It would be a shame to worry about those who don’t even realize it.
Nobody is perfect. You can't always do exactly the right thing. And those around them too, so they do not have the moral right to evaluate and condemn anyone. You are not reduced to the sum of your mistakes and failures. And when any troubles occur, they do not erase our previous achievements. Just as they do not give other people the right to put themselves above the one who made a mistake, because tomorrow they too may find themselves in his place.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for better. Be as good as you can so that in any case you can say: “I did my best.”
What not to do to be confident
And finally - a few " bad advice" Let's start from the opposite: what is important to avoid in order to become self-confident?
Increase confidence with alcohol. Yes, “drinking for courage” is a common solution to the problem. But we all know what consequences this leads to. And then, this is not a solution to the problem, but just doping, or crutches. True confidence is developed from within, from the strength of the spirit, and does not come with chemicals.
Envy. Someone is luckier, and this person has more reasons to feel more confident. But you don't need to compare yourself to him. You don’t know the whole picture - maybe this person is hiding completely different problems. And then, thoughts like “of course, he feels good, he has…” will not give anything, but will only absorb energy. You've probably heard this: it only makes sense to compare yourself to yourself.
True faith in one's own strength comes when the need to follow other people's successes recedes.
Gain confidence at the expense of others. Some people watch other people’s failures in order to gloatingly say “that’s the same, but I wouldn’t allow that!” But this is not the path that will lead to success. It only fuels self-doubt. Why? Because those who watch others too much have neither the energy nor the desire to improve themselves. It seems to them that they are already good against someone else’s background. Of course, this way of thinking has nothing to do with true self-confidence. Don't confuse self-confidence and self-confidence.
Trying to appear better than you really are. All attempts at boasting and inflated self-esteem are very noticeable and, as a rule, do not add positive characteristics. You can always distinguish someone who tries and really strives for the best from someone who puts on a gloss.
Look for those to blame. An authoritarian mother, a demanding father, an unbalanced first teacher - people who lack self-confidence can name many reasons why it is difficult for them to show themselves. But all these reasons are in the past. Adults build their present and future with their own hands.
Those who are confident in themselves do not shift responsibility for their lives to someone else - they themselves can take responsibility for those who are weaker. Your parents didn't teach you how to make decisions? Learn for yourself. Don't know where to start? Try to start by becoming the master of your destiny. You can not only strengthen your spirit, but also become an example for someone.
Afraid of making mistakes. Did something go wrong? It will work out another time. Have you been criticized? You, as an adult and confident person, will take this into account and do better. As you know, only those who do nothing make no mistakes. You do it: you grow above yourself, even if it seems that this is not so.
Go into an imaginary world. Above we gave advice - imagine an ideal self, someone who always succeeds, who is confident in himself and always acts correctly. Some people have a personality that allows them to fantasize, and pictures from an ideal world can significantly displace reality. Always remember that real life- here and now, even if it is not as good as we would like. If you catch yourself daydreaming colorfully, tell yourself: “in an ideal world it would be like this” - and live in the present.
Be overly critical. Don't forget to relax and praise yourself even for those achievements that you consider small. And if you have not fully demonstrated yourself in the way you considered necessary, well, then you try, you fight, and tomorrow a new day will come and bring new chance improve everything. You are already doing a lot when you walk this difficult path of strengthening your self-confidence. The main thing is don’t go out of your way and don’t give up!
Self-doubt prevents a person from building social relations and achieving your life goals leads to self-dissatisfaction and depression. I suggest 10 effective advice, which will help you get rid of self-doubt.
What do you think is the difference between a coward and a hero? Both experience fear, but the hero changes his attitude towards fear and directs his energy towards achieving victory, while the coward suffers or hides in the bushes.
Any events in our life are neutral, and only we make them positive or negative. This should be taken into account if a person wants to get rid of self-doubt.
Causes of self-doubt
Self-doubt may be caused by: various factors: genetic code parents, miseducation, Negative influence environment, facilities mass media.
In the modern world, overflowing with temptations and mass patterns “look how cool I am, do like me,” “if you look like this, you will succeed,” and so on, turns the unique personality of each person into a gray average individual who, instead of expressing its originality and uniqueness, loses self-confidence, focusing on public opinion and comparing yourself to others.
Let's consider one of the first factors in the appearance of self-doubt - the genetic code of the parents. It turns out that self-doubt, like some character traits, can not only be acquired over the course of life, but also inherited from parents and grandparents. In other words, when coming into this world, a child whose relatives are not entirely self-confident, inheriting this genetically, tends to grow up to be a less confident person than his peers. However, even with this seemingly hopeless situation There is a way out - you can change genetics by developing confidence and personal strength.
Some, feeling that the source of their insecurity comes from previous generations, begin to be internally offended and condemn their parents, and even worse - blame. However, this idea of life is not entirely fair. It should be understood that each generation is smarter than the previous one. A person comes into life to solve not only his own personal problems and go through the path of his development and self-improvement, but also to solve the problems of his ancestors. And pass on to children a more perfect hereditary code. Therefore, the task of every genetically insecure person is to cultivate self-confidence, which is achieved by love and trust in oneself and in the world.
The second very important factor in the emergence of self-doubt is upbringing in childhood. Some parents, out of good intentions or out of misunderstanding, reprimand their children with phrases that are imprinted in the subconscious for a long time and create self-doubt. How often on the street and in public transport can you see a picture when one of the parents, in a rude and dissatisfied voice, harshly “raises” their curious, naive and world-exploring child - “Leave it”, “You don’t know how”, “Don’t touch”, “I told you,” “You did it again,” “Listen”—the list goes on. But this tiny creature with pure intentions already at such a young age shows its individuality and uniqueness, and perceives the world as it is.
The third factor in the list of the emergence of self-doubt is the social environment. Social environment demand submission from a person and breaks his personality, suppresses a person and creates self-doubt. It is very important here to remain true to yourself, not to succumb to the influence of others, not to be guided by the opinions of others, not to identify yourself with others and to remember that each person is unique and inimitable.
One of the most important factors, in my opinion, is the media. Unfortunately, nowadays people (especially journalists) tend to focus on negative information. A striking example of filling people's thinking with negativity is the news on television: wars, murders, disasters, violence - these are the main topics of the news. And how many people start the day by watching the news, programming themselves with negativity for the whole day and not even knowing it. It is television that creates uncertainty in tomorrow and a feeling of insecurity. If you understand that self-doubt is one of your main and big problems, then it is worth making an effort to overcome self-doubt, gain confidence and pass it on to your descendants.
Self-doubt appears primarily due to fear of communication.
Because the person doesn't know how:
- express your feelings;
- defend your interests;
- understand people;
- establish contacts;
- too tactful, afraid of offending;
- too modest.
Failures in communication lead to psychological blocks; a person withdraws into himself, becomes embittered, and is unable to establish contacts and build social relationships. This occurs due to the inability to understand people, the nuances of their speech or emotions. He accumulates resentment, bitterness, despair. Unresolved conflicts or problems go into the subconscious.
To overcome failures in communication and get rid of self-doubt, psychologists advise considering the following::
- How more communication– the less uncertainty.
- You should focus on the process of communication, rather than on fear or internal reactions.
- During a conversation, be focused on the interlocutor, and not on your own thoughts and feelings.
During a conversation you should:
- speak clearly and loudly;
- look your partner in the eye;
- stay free and relaxed;
- express your demands, desires and feelings using the word “I”;
- do not apologize if you have to ask for something;
- do not apologize if you make demands;
- thank you for the service provided;
- not to be aggressive, not to insult or offend another person;
- show respect for the other person's position.
When I was young, I also suffered from self-doubt. I cried when I couldn’t fight back or stand up for myself, I felt timid in a variety of situations, I was afraid of other people’s opinions, condemnations, and people talking about me “behind my back.” And I was constantly given life situations in which I had to learn to show my strength.
There was nowhere to look for advice on how to change yourself. And psychologists and psychoanalysts could only be seen in American films. So I had to think about my problems myself and look for a way out.
Every time I approached the mirror at any time of the day and in any form, I told myself that I loved and respected myself. Looking at my reflection, when I liked myself the most, I tried to fix it in my memory and feel like I was in that state all the time.
I began to respect myself and praise myself for the slightest successes and achievements. I stopped engaging in self-criticism.
Changed my behavior in everyday situations:
She was the first to start a conversation with neighbors, with fellow travelers on public transport during long trips, and in queues.
She asked me to close the window on public transport and give up my seat.
I asked the store clerks to serve me. Even if it was a self-service store and I could find the goods myself. I started talking to them.
I chose expensive jewelry, tried them on for a long time, asked to see others, watching the sellers, and realizing that I was causing their dissatisfaction.
I began to say “no” more often when they asked me for something, and it was clear that they wanted to take advantage of me.
I stopped paying attention to what they said about me.
She entered into conversations in large companies, expressing her opinion on a variety of issues.
This kind of work on myself helped me get rid of self-doubt.
As a result of my search, 10 tips on how to get rid of self-doubt appeared.
1. Love and respect yourself.
2.Constantly feel yourself in your in the best possible way, which you yourself formed.
3. Praise yourself for the slightest achievements and successes.
4.Change your behavior in everyday situations.
5. Communicate more.
6. Don’t focus on possible failures; guilt and self-flagellation do not lead to results.
7. Avoid self-criticism and criticism.
8. Don't compare yourself to the ideal that you created in your imagination.
9. Don't set extremely high demands on yourself.
10. Repeat affirmations.
Know that confident man
- highly values his capabilities;
- believes that his own strength is enough to achieve any goal;
- does not hide his feelings, desires, demands;
- knows how to refuse;
- find mutual language with people;
- knows when to start and end a conversation.
Praise yourself for the slightest achievements, if you were able to:
- defend your interests in a dispute;
- speak calmly and confidently in public;
- calmly accept “sideways glances” and discussion of one’s own person;
- convince a person during an important conversation;
- find the strength to not pay attention to the opinions of people whose opinions you previously perceived as painful.
Take the path of self-improvement, don’t give up on your plans, be persistent.
Love and respect yourself, and people will love and respect you. They feel your energy and what you think about yourself and how you evaluate yourself.
My 10 tips on how to get rid of self-doubt will help you overcome self-doubt, raise your self-esteem and the opinion of people around you.
With wishes for self-confidence, .
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