A complex person - how complexes constantly interfere with life. Inferiority complex among the most... ideal

The question of how to stop being shy, withdrawn and insecure worries a huge number of people who want to overcome their inner fear.

Since the listed character traits rarely occur individually, but flow from each other (a shy person is usually withdrawn and unsure of himself), in order to suppress them you will have to do serious step-by-step work on yourself.

Shyness in any form prevents you from being yourself.
A person reveals himself fully only when he feels at ease.
Stefan Zweig. Impatience of the heart

Introduction

The phrase “modesty is decorative” has long been set on edge. Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else.

This quality hinders the life of both the humble guy himself and confuses those around him - they try to help him, understand him, open him up, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person drops out of social life, since he is boring and has nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about this.

If you take some action, put in your efforts and back it up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!

Finding out the reason is the first step towards success

The ancient sages said: “Find the cause of the problem - and this is already half the solution.” A person becomes withdrawn, shy or insecure as a result of certain experiences, psychological traumas or events that happened in his life.

Based on negative experience, he does not see an alternative to a favorable development of events and does not try to change the usual pattern of behavior. All this leads to even greater problems, including seclusion, passivity, withdrawal from reality into the world of fantasies, illusions, and virtual games.

The most common reasons for shyness, withdrawal or uncertainty in the company of strangers are:

fear;
resentment;
stress;
psychological trauma.

Fear

For example, fear invariably gives rise to distrust of everything unfamiliar. Instinctively, a person withdraws into himself, believing that by doing so he will avoid problems, awkward situations, and possible ridicule.

Often, upon closer acquaintance, a person reveals a completely different side in company, but at the initial stage, fear forces him to be extremely careful in his statements and actions.

Resentment towards the world around us for failures that have occurred also becomes the cause of shyness, isolation, and uncertainty. A person isolates himself from reality, not allowing himself to share his own experiences, emotions, or positive impressions with others.

Unfortunately, over time, resentment only accumulates and if it does not find a natural outlet, then the person becomes aggressive and sometimes even dangerous to society. Therefore, before you stop being shy and insecure, you should definitely get rid of the mentioned feeling.

Stress, psychological trauma

Experienced stress or previously experienced psychological trauma forces an individual to close his inner world from outsiders. According to statistics, more than 40% of respondents experience depression and are dissatisfied with their own lives, and do not make good contact with unfamiliar people.

Usually, the invisible subsides with overcoming stress, restoration of vital energy, and the arrival of positive emotions. As for psychological injuries, everything is much more complicated here, especially when they were inflicted during the period of personality formation (that is, in childhood). Sometimes, to overcome their consequences, the help of a qualified specialist is required.

How to stop being shy: a guide to action

1. Belief in success

The most difficult thing is to take the first step towards a more liberated self. It may even seem to you that this is unrealistic, that nothing will come of this whole venture. Drive away these thoughts! This is wrong. You will definitely succeed. Believing in yourself and your success is very important, so stock up on them to the fullest.

2. You are no worse than others

The next stage is the understanding that you are no worse than other people. You are the same, and in some qualities you are superior to many. Remember all your strengths and skills. Some of them are not a sin to brag about or at least demonstrate to the world.

For example, do you write poetry? Stop hiding them! Join the literary community and show your creations to other people. Although not everyone will like your poems, you will definitely find fans of your work.

Remember: to receive compliments and approval, you need to show people what you can be praised for. If you are closed, then you simply will not be noticed. And learn to love yourself for who you are. Nobody is perfect.

3. Failure is a learning experience.

Criticism or failures in life are not always bad. Perceive your failures not as the end of the world, but as a certain experience that makes you wiser and stronger.

Remember the famous phrase “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”?

It may be hackneyed, but it is very true. This is true! Therefore, you can be a little sad, even cry, and the next day pull yourself together and move on to a better life.

4. Facing your fears

To overcome your indecisiveness, you need to work hard on yourself. You are probably embarrassed to speak in public. Start by at least making a toast. This is a challenge for many people: to find certain words, assemble them into beautiful sentences and pronounce them publicly, albeit in a small company of close people. It’s better to prepare this short speech in advance, think through all your wishes and repeat several times. You will realize that everything is not so scary. Everyone will definitely like it. Try it!

You can also contact strangers on the street more often with various questions. For example, asking how to get to such and such a street. This will also liberate you, you will be less afraid of communication.

5. Become a pleasant conversationalist

Do you think that in order to have a conversation, you need to have some kind of secret knowledge or have a special relationship with a person? This is not always the case. Many sociable people talk with others about mere trifles. It wouldn’t hurt for you to adopt this quality, even if it seems stupid at first.

Start by talking about the weather, no matter how trivial it may be. Next, you can discuss matters that connect you with your interlocutor. If this is a co-worker, you can talk about the problem of parking near the office building. If the neighbor talks about how the rent bills have increased. The main thing is to start, and the conversation can develop on its own, especially if your interlocutor is more sociable than you. Practice! And you will get involved.

6. Give compliments

People love to hear pleasant words addressed to them, even if said in passing. And especially women! Give them compliments. You don't have to be full of praise. Suffice it to say that today the young lady has a good hairstyle or a beautiful dress. You will see how she will immediately become more disposed towards you.

7. The right attitude

Train yourself to be positive every day. A positive state of mind, even from scratch, will help you overcome life's obstacles. Healthy optimism never hurt anyone!

Additional ways to get rid of shyness

Before you stop being shy in companies or when meeting new people, you need to understand that solving this problem depends entirely on the person himself. It will take some time to become more open, relaxed, and sociable. For some, a few weeks are enough to achieve success, while for others it will take several years before all manifestations of the described negative qualities are completely eradicated.

Now there are several effective ways to stop being shy and withdrawn, unsure of yourself.
This list includes:

personal training;
development of communication skills;
performing special exercises (“go ahead”).

The method of personal training has now gained enormous popularity, as it allows you to convince a person that he is no worse or better than other people he doesn’t know well.

Typically, specific guidelines are communicated in the form of a “teacher-student” approach, when an experienced mentor (psychologist) convinces withdrawn and insecure people that no one in the company is trying to ridicule, offend, or humiliate them.

Many of them also experience a certain amount of excitement, but in no way show their own negative feelings. Regular classes with a specialist who knows how to persuade help achieve results, and a person overcomes the fear of communication.

Sometimes it is recommended to develop communication skills by doing certain exercises. One of the most useful options for how to stop being shy in company is to simulate the situation in front of a mirror. It wouldn’t hurt to prepare a few universal jokes that will help defuse a tense situation or give you confidence in your abilities. The more a person “rehearses” alone with himself, the more confident and at ease he will feel in a real situation.

An innovative technique was to perform tasks that require considerable courage from an indecisive, shy person. For example, he should come up and talk to complete strangers on the street, ask for the phone number of an attractive girl (guy), or talk about some event in a public place. After 2-3 such exercises, progress is noticeable, as a person overcomes fear, becomes more open to the world around him, and gains self-confidence.

A few important tips for achieving success

Psychologists highlight several key aspects of how to stop being shy in company and at the same time win the favor of strangers.

The list of such conditions invariably includes:

acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a given fact;
positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
training in slow, intelligible speech.

It is necessary to clearly understand that it is quite normal to feel shy, nervous or withdrawn in certain situations. Don't try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the initial impression of a person is influenced by his appearance, facial expression, and voice intonation, so try to always look brand new, exude positivity, and don’t forget to smile.

There is no need to constantly draw parallels with more successful people in the company, otherwise this can lead to negativity, detachment, and the desire to quickly go to a quiet, secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred, rapid speech, which not all participants in the conversation can understand. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will allow you to attract the attention of others, avoiding caustic ridicule.

Bottom line

Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result! Be active, decisive and open to people.

You can overcome shyness, self-consciousness, and lack of self-confidence only through painstaking work on yourself, positive thinking, and getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful, attractive person!

It is better to start solving a problem with analysis. Therefore, take the time to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel constrained. Be very specific. Instead of “talking to people,” specify what kind of people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those in authority.

When you break a problem down into parts, it seems more solvable.

Then try ranking the situations you wrote down in order of increasing anxiety (calling a stranger is likely less anxiety-inducing than speaking in front of an audience).

In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome increasingly difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, accordingly, will decrease.

2. Capture your strengths

Another list that will help you in the battle with embarrassment should concern your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is... Fight it mercilessly by reminding yourself of your own brilliance (this is not a joke).

Try to find the downside even to shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should also be used.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with your life, but you need to explain to yourself exactly how it interferes with you. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Even though I perform, write, and host a radio show, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to come out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I could ensure that my message was delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make public speaking and meeting new people easier for myself.

Eric Holtzclaw

4. Exercise

Skills need to be honed, and those that interfere with life need to be systematically eradicated. All this applies to both sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that is launched in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go backwards and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Get into the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that you are taking a defensive position in a conversation? Try asking your interlocutor a few questions.
Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one stranger (preferably a random passer-by) at least once a day. You'll likely never see him again, so feel free to sharpen your communication skills on him.
In general, communicate more. Try to take every opportunity to connect with people. Tell jokes, agree to speak, say hello to people you often meet but never greet.
Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party, but are afraid to approach him? Practice on people present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about getting to know each other, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the desired person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
And always be prepared for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with your audience. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you are focused on another person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will have a positive impact on your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in a sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation workshops. Such activities help to relax.

7. Watch your body language

Making eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and holding a firm handshake communicate to others that you are confident and approachable. Moreover, with these signals you trick your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.

8. Say “no” less often

A lot has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed in both word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say “yes” to the opportunities that life presents.

10. Don't advertise your shyness.

You should not concentrate your and other people's attention on the fact that you have problems with communication. This way you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the attitude that shyness is your permanent trait.

Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that it is an accident, talk about it frivolously, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never describe yourself to strangers as a shy person. Let them form their own opinion and notice your other, more interesting features.

Do you know other ways to stop being shy? Tell us about them in the comments.

Of course, modesty is a good quality, but if it is in moderation, otherwise it becomes the main problem in life, if you suffer from excessive shyness, it’s time to work on it.

Complexity- this is the psychological state of a person who exhibits excessive constraint and... A person may remain in a depressed state for a long time as a result of a feeling of physical or other deficiency, weakness or illness in the face of unfavorable external circumstances.

Very often, shy people unconsciously or consciously envy those individuals who in life are guided by the rule “arrogance is the second happiness.” Such people are more successful at work and in their personal lives, and in general their whole life is filled with bright colors. And some have to be content with gray and dull everyday life. For them, defending their opinion is a problem on a global scale.

If you recognize yourself from the above, and your state of mind prevents you from living fully, then it’s time get rid of complexes. However, remember that you should not go to extremes; any manifestation of them can end sadly. In the end, you are an individual person, so you don’t need to radically change anything about yourself. But to slightly change the quality that prevents you from making life better is within the power of any person.

Educate yourself

As a rule, the reason for complexes is a person’s strong feelings about what others think about him. Think for yourself - there is no ideal. We can all be attractive to some and not to others. It is impossible to please everyone. Accept yourself with all your flaws and advantages, you are an individual! There are no more people like you.

Objectively evaluate your appearance

A well-groomed appearance and a thoughtful image will give you more self-confidence. Get a stylish hairstyle. Choose beautiful clothes, if you doubt your taste, then turn to professionals who will help you look great.

Develop yourself

It never hurts to work on yourself. Broaden your horizons, become an interesting and sociable person.

Learn to listen!

If you know how to listen, then you have the most valuable quality! Such interlocutors are valued in society, people are drawn to them, and you, in turn, can learn something new for yourself.

Clamps in the muscles

In modern psychology there is a concept, bodily psychotherapy. Let's figure out what it really is and how it will help get rid of complexes? The period of development of the human body is directly related to the formation of muscle tissue and structure. If negative and unpleasant moments occur in a person’s life that cause psychological damage, then the memory remains in the body and leads to muscle tension. They, in turn, lead to blocking unwanted movements.

Muscle clamp– This is a kind of area of chronic stress. This tension forms a bodily block. As a rule, these are the consequences of unpleasant and negative life experiences.

To get rid of complexes, it is necessary to overcome such clamps. If you are unable to get rid of them on your own, then you should seek help from an experienced psychotherapist. This method of getting rid of complexes quite efficient and effective.

Correct communication tactics

You should have a pre-prepared template tactic by which you will communicate with your interlocutor. This will prevent unexpected and awkward moments, which in turn will get rid of complexes. We are not talking about a complete pattern of behavior, but only about individual moments that, when communicating with a stranger, are usually repeated quite often.

For example, quite often when communicating there is an awkward pause and you simply don’t know how to fill it, what to talk about. In this case, you can prepare in advance a neutral, intermediate topic for conversation that will save you from the awkward pause. Or in a situation of morning communication with colleagues, probably during your work you have learned the pattern of behavior of your colleagues and predicting topics for conversation will not be particularly difficult. This way you will be able to control the communication process, and of course save yourself from improvisation, which will help you a lot in the future.

We hope thanks to our advice you understand, how to get rid of complexes.

Many of us judge liberated, self-confident people, although in fact we want to be like them. This is not surprising, since such individuals strive to become the soul of the company, they charge you with energy and leave a piece of themselves after leaving. On the other hand, people who are not shy appear self-confident and arrogant. One way or another, to overcome shyness, you need to study all aspects and make a competent plan. Let's talk about everything in order.

Reasons for shyness

People become shy when they spend a lot of time alone. The inability to communicate socially is caused by a lack of basic communication skills.
The genetic factor also contributed. If a child grows up in a family with shy parents, this feature will be transferred automatically.
People who are unsure of their abilities are often shy. This occurs due to constant criticism from others or low self-esteem imposed by the subconscious.
Fear of communicating with others and, as a result, isolation arises due to the psychological trauma experienced. A person tries to protect himself from future losses, so he becomes shy.
If a child lives in a family that regularly criticizes and humiliates him, the child will automatically grow up withdrawn. The same applies to children living in constant prohibitions.
There are people who are afraid of “falling on their face.” This is due to public censure; a person does not want to be rejected by colleagues, friends, relatives and even strangers.
Stereotypes influence the formation of life principles. If a child is constantly praised and has high expectations, he will try to do everything so as not to destroy the illusion. Such a person is afraid to express his thoughts in the future.

How to get rid of shyness

It should be remembered that isolation is not a vice. Young girls are much more attractive when they have a blush on their cheeks and a slightly trembling voice. However, if such a feature prevents you from fully existing, you need to get rid of it.

Method No. 1. Chat with strangers

In most cases, people become shy well in advance of interacting with strangers. Such behavior is wrong, because you cannot baptize your children with these people.
Accept invitations from friends to attend all kinds of parties, concerts, and cinemas. Make it a habit to meet at least 2 new people a month.
At first, you can smooth things out by making friends through social networks. Start with VKontakte or Odnoklassniki, then make an appointment yourself when you're ready.
Go out into the world more often. Visit crowded cafes and restaurants, crowded places. Stand in line, pay utilities, communicate.
Engage in solving pressing issues on your own. This applies more to visiting authorities and other serious offices (passport office, housing and communal services, tax office, etc.).

Method No. 2. Find new friends

Visit social groups or join forums where people share their doubts. Find someone who has the same problem. Discuss the topic with him: “How to overcome shyness.”
It is also recommended to find a person using the “nasty” method. It is important that a new acquaintance does not have complexes and shyness. Such a person will constantly pull you out of your comfort zone. This will promote emancipation.
Every person comes into your life for a reason. Choose your social circle so that it includes people from all social groups. Of course, you shouldn’t get involved in crime.
If possible, only communicate with successful people. Create an idol for yourself, follow his path. Don't be afraid of your own mistakes, they are required for experience.

Method number 3. Do daring things

Analyze your life. Highlight actions that you could not decide on for a long time. Have you been planning to jump with a rope or parachute for a long time? Go for it!
Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, take a closer look at motorized vehicles. People on two-wheeled iron horses look bold and confident. Study for category “A”, buy a sports bike and equipment.
Actions that can overcome shyness include participation in television programs (in particular, extras), beauty contests and other public appearances. Expressing your thoughts to the public will liberate you, the main thing is to prepare thoroughly.
If you're a girl, wear an extravagant petite top or high heels. Reconsider your image, dye your hair a bright shade. Visit a fetish party, attend a charity event, or become a volunteer.
People who have long-term sympathy for the opposite sex should ask the person on a date. Take courage and dare, live for today.
In all of these actions, it is important to know when to stop. Don’t jump right off the bat, think about your own safety and morale. Don’t run into trouble, carefully plan and predict all your actions.

Method No. 4. Gain confidence in yourself

In most cases, people become shy due to complexes that appear over the years or stem from childhood. To get rid of shyness, it is necessary to eliminate uncertainty in all possible ways.
If you don't feel comfortable because the weight class is over the top, go for it. Join the gym, get rid of cellulite, go on a diet. Buy clothes that hide imperfections.
Reconsider your image. Get a new haircut, change your hair color, go for a manicure and pedicure. Take a make-up course, find “your” cosmetics, and don’t go out without makeup.
Get rid of the "junk". This includes old clothes with pilling and elongated knees, shabby shoes and bags, old jackets. Replace every discarded item with a new, more stylish and unusual one.
Assess your capabilities regarding your current profession, develop in your career, and increase your earnings. Try to communicate with people who have already achieved heights. Find out their secrets of success and share your own experience.
Love motivates you to do more, find a gentleman or life partner. Dress up for the sake of your loved one, make each other happy. A stable personal life adds confidence.

Method No. 5. Describe yourself

Prepare a notebook and write down your positive aspects in it. Be sure to check not only about mental and physical abilities, but also external data.
For example, you can write that you are positive, brave, successful. It is advisable to clarify the ability to achieve goals and objectives, responsive character, kindness.
If you are experiencing difficulties regarding your characteristics, contact your relatives or friends. Draw up a psychological portrait together.
You need to indicate as many positive qualities as possible. Number them for clarity. Hang the list on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror. Re-read every morning and believe in what you wrote.
It is important to remember forever that a person is made up of his own thoughts and beliefs. Think about yourself in a positive way, never doubt your own capabilities.

Method number 6. Develop materially and spiritually

In the near future, you need to communicate more with diverse people. This method will improve your communication skills and relieve you of shyness.
To become an interesting conversationalist, develop spiritually. Read books, attend seminars on personal growth. Study your social circle, remove those who drag you down.
Money plays a big role in the modern world. People who say otherwise are deeply mistaken. With the help of finances, you can provide yourself with a decent life, travel, and be confident in the future.
Isn't this what eradicates shyness?! Look for a more profitable profession or ways to earn additional income. Never stop. Make it a habit to raise your salary by at least 10% per month. At the same time, learn to postpone.
If you don't yet know what you want to become, it's time to correct the situation. Analyze what you are most drawn to. Perhaps to mathematics, art or other creativity? Do you like to work with your hands or your head? Mold yourself based on this.

Method No. 7. Play sports

Decent physical fitness improves self-esteem and morale. Many people visit gyms, so it is often impossible to do without contact with them. Don’t be shy, ask how to use certain exercise machines. Look for new acquaintances.
Agree with your friends that you will lose 5 kg. and pump up your buttocks, abs, and arms. Limit yourself to specific limits. Start running, jumping rope, squats.
You don't have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on a subscription. Enjoy summer and winter sports without spending your hard earned money.
If you still decide to visit specific sections, consider Pilates, water aerobics, stretching, yoga, dancing of all types, kickboxing, cross-fit.
In clubs you will be taught to behave in a relaxed manner. The trainer will tell you how to get rid of shyness and will do everything to ensure that you achieve your goals. Particularly shy people should consult a professional instructor in a particular sport.

Method No. 8. Make your loved ones happy

Learn to give joy to your relatives and close friends. In return, they will show you gratitude and give you compliments. In this simple way, you will gain confidence and stop doubting yourself.
Stop conflicts, do not harbor anger and resentment. They will eat you from the inside. Communicate with people politely, give tenderness and love to those who deserve it.
For your own peace of mind, keep a calendar. Indicate in it significant dates, birthdays of your friends and relatives. It is important to understand that without social communication a person fades.

Identify the causes of shyness and eradicate them in a short time. Constantly work on yourself, don't stop there. Find passive income, climb the career ladder. Reconsider your wardrobe and your overall image. Play sports, look for new circles of acquaintances, travel. Take the initiative in communicating with friends, improve your personal life, make your loved ones happy.