Insults, humiliation, threats and beatings. When faced with this on the street, at work or even in their own kitchen, Belarusian women, as a rule, do not go to complain. Some do not want to wash their dirty linen in public, others blame only themselves for everything and try to re-educate the domestic aggressor. But, mostly, they simply do not believe that they will be helped, or are simply afraid of disgracing themselves. So is there a cure for violence? Does the Law say anything about this? And what is the state doing to protect women? Let's talk about this today.
According to the UN, every second woman in the world is abused by a partner, one in five experiences sexual violence. And they say in women aged 15 to 44 years more chances suffer from domestic violence than getting sick with cancer or fever, getting into an accident or being a victim of military conflicts. The day before, the world celebrated the Day to End Violence against Women.
When writing articles on violence against women, many people like to recall with reference to research, they say, psychological violence In Belarus, four out of five women are subjected to physical violence - every fourth. With the latter, everything is clear: it’s difficult to hide a black eye under the eye. But what is psychological violence?
And experts came up with a formula. The UN Population Fund has published quite interesting article, which states that not only beatings, but also constant insults are considered violence.
It turns out that sorting things out with breaking dishes and even simple jealousy is violence. Then it’s clear where such powerful statistics come from: what kind of Russian doesn’t like to scandalize.
But psychological violence also includes the imposition of will. Also, by the way, it is not a purely male prerogative. There are a lot of henpecked men.
More serious seems to be illegal imprisonment, imprisonment, ban on work, isolation from family and friends, public humiliation.
Olga Kazak, psychologist:
At first there is an increase in aggression, minor nagging, then an act of violence when he beats a woman, and after that - a period honeymoon, a man has a feeling of guilt. This is such a chronic process, it is not a one-time act.
By the way, the association of violence only with “drunken” domestic disputes is a stereotype. 57% of fights occur in families where alcohol is abused. But the remaining 43% of incidents occur among wealthy families.
Irina Alkhovka, Chairman of the Board of the International Public Organization “Gender Perspectives”:
These are civil servants, mid-level specialists, police officers, doctors, teachers, entrepreneurs, bankers - people who have normal jobs, normal social status. They go to work. He doesn't have "I beat my wife" written on his forehead.
Violence as a phenomenon often remains not only outside justice, but also beyond public attention. Unfortunately, not every woman wants to talk to someone about her problems and this only makes them worse.
Every fourth suicide is due to family squabbles. But timely consultation with a lawyer, psychologist, or even a doctor can, if not help, then tell you where to look for the key.
There is always a way out. Teenagers can get help at children's clinics. We also operate 45 crisis rooms organized at social service centers. Their network is growing, although not as fast as in Europe.
A person who has suffered from domestic violence can use a room here for 10 days or even more. True, everything government centers work during the day, you can only stay overnight in our country in 2 private shelters.
Elena Pushkareva, head of the Mogilev Social Crisis Center for Women:
And when such husbands come to our territory, of course, we talk with them, when the conversation turns to elevated tones and threats, then we call the police.
In addition to psychologists, lawyers work in such centers. Every year, about fifty women and about the same number of children pass through one center alone. And the stories are typical. Some suffer from a tyrant husband, others don’t get along with their children. But there are also victims of human trafficking, those who went abroad in search of a better life, and there are also prostitutes.
Olga Kazak, psychologist:
Future aggressors try to isolate the woman; they do not allow her to communicate with her friends, they do not allow or allow minimal communication with relatives. They are jealous, they control very much, they dictate what dresses to wear, where to work.
You may ask, what does the Law say about violence today? So far this is a problem. You can’t put a district police officer in every family. And you won't get punished for breaking dishes either. Experts do not hide: on this moment We rarely understand family scandals, and there is virtually no provision for liability for such domestic violence.
While the laws of 89 countries around the world have rules that directly regulate aspects of domestic violence. Seven countries have introduced this into separate laws.
We have problems with prosecuting citizens for petty hooliganism in everyday life. We came up with a proposal to supplement the Code of the Republic of Belarus on administrative violations with a rule establishing liability for assault.
But there is another option: to register grumpy wives and despot husbands with the police. The Ministry of Labor and Social Protection of Belarus again began to discuss the idea of preparing a bill “On the prevention and suppression of domestic violence.” It envisages revolutionary changes in the way of life of many families.
The bill that parliamentarians are currently working on suggests that aggressors will be strictly prohibited from looking for their wives and even coming home for some time after the scandal. Such measures are already in place in many countries. Interestingly, individuals who have committed domestic violence may be prohibited from purchasing and using firearms. And they may even be required to undergo psychological correction.
Oleg Karazei, head of the prevention department of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Republic of Belarus:
The very fact of bodily injury is already punishable, another 1 will be similar, not necessarily under this article, it can also be an insult, or petty hooliganism committed against ENIA loved one, - then preventive accounting will be applied to it.
By the way, sociologists conducted a study. Of all respondents, just over ten percent of women seek medical care as a result of violence. And, as a result, almost everyone is recognized as temporarily disabled. At the same time, only a few tell doctors about the causes of their injuries.
But it's time to come out of the shadows.
First, try contacting the local police officer. Then call your area's crisis room.
They will help you free of charge at the number: 8-801-100-8-801.
There is also a website in Belarus for people suffering from domestic violence: http://ostanovinasilie.org/
There are all the necessary contacts and telephone numbers of services that will help solve the problem. Take care of yourself and do not hesitate to defend your rights; even this will be an unnecessary reason for someone to talk.
Goodbye. Alesya Vysotskaya was with you.
As we know, people become rapists. Sometimes life circumstances simply push a young man towards a “career” as a rapist ( mental illness, childhood sexual trauma, etc.), and sometimes he gets the first such experience as if by accident, and only then “gets a taste for it.” However, it is not entirely by chance that men of a certain type end up in the role of rapists.
Of course, these characteristics should not be used to make a collective portrait that, in general, will suit half of the stronger sex, but it still won’t hurt to know the main characteristics of this “species of animals.”
- His self-esteem is catastrophically underestimated or overestimated. He is terribly pretentious, vain and “chock full” of ambitions.
- He is generally vindictive and jealous. In essence, all jealous people are prone to one form or another of revenge, including the sexual method.
- In sex, he, alas, is not a Casanova, but he really wants to leave a memory of himself in the field intimate relationships. Therefore, you just have to seriously hook him with something, and he will certainly take revenge on the offender with rough sex.
- Even in minor conflicts, he prefers to sort things out in bed. This is his style, and when a relationship is sorted out, anything can happen...
- He is touchy to the point of pettiness, and perceives his wife’s sexual refusal (for example) as a personal insult.
- He is a despot, a power-lover, who has behind him positive experiences from the use of physical or sexual power. Once you give in to his sexual pressure, from that moment on, every time he wants to achieve something, he will resort to a similar form of pressure. And for resistance he will take revenge in the same way.
- He deliberately relies on psychologically and financially dependent women in order to have an unhindered opportunity to influence them by any means. The most harmless of them is forced sex. The most cruel thing is sexual revanchism.
- He tends to take his anger out on others because it's the easiest thing to do. Naturally, this can also be expressed in a sexual way.
- He is a loser, a professionally and financially unfulfilled person. He blames everyone and everything for this and consciously or subconsciously dreams of getting even for his social and creative failure.
- He is prone to sadism. You certainly can’t expect anything good from him here. In addition, sexual sadism brings satisfaction not only to the soul of the sadist, but also to his body.
- He himself has become a victim of sexual aggression and is psychologically determined to search for a weak victim, whom he will take revenge for his past humiliation in the same way.
- He is HIV positive. Once upon a time he gave a woman love, and she “repaid” him for it with a fatal illness. Now he is simply obsessed with the idea of taking revenge as much as possible more women in the same way.
It is not easy to discover such a revanchist, but it is possible: he does not strive to build relationships, because he believes that he has no future; it reduces the introductory-adaptive phase of communication to a minimum, since its only goal is sexual intercourse; he does not care at all about protection: he is joyless in everything and does not value his life. When you meet someone like this, run away from him as fast as you can. Now that we've dealt with distinctive features sexual avengers, let's move on to ways to combat them. Not forgetting that many of those who once show their sexual aggression behave generally normally in everyday life, and therefore we inadvertently let them get too close to us. Methods of combating sexual revanchism Method one. First of all, don’t be a sexual revanchist yourself. Watch yourself: if you have the habit of controlling your partner with the help of sexual levers, then only the complaisance and good nature of your loved one can save you from sexual revenge. Method two. Don't allow precedent. The fact is that he may like both the process and the result. Method three. Do not have close relationships with men from the “risk group”. Their detailed characteristics given above. Method four. Remember: some actions tend to awaken sexual revenge even in those who have never even thought of getting even in this way. The last straw there may be a cynical betrayal with his own friend, a message that the child is “not his,” etc. In general, do not provoke your partner into this type of behavior, so as not to regret it later. And don’t be naive: even the most angel-like man in appearance can turn out to be a sexual monster if you seriously hook him. Method five. Try to be attentive to your partner, but don't overdo it. Elevating him to the rank of deity and connivance in assessing behavior is the very microclimate in which sexual revanchism quickly unleashes. Method six. Learn to resolve conflicts through conversation, and not through the fact of intimacy. If you have a habit of postponing family (partnership) decisions problematic issues into the bedroom, then you may not be surprised that your loved one will prove his point of view mainly using his “phallic argument.” If you object, he will use force. Method seven. Don't act like a victim. Sexual revenge seekers usually “take it easy” on precisely such notorious and defenseless women. Method eight. If you do come across a sexual avenger, pretend that you are not afraid of him. The more horror in your eyes, the greater the confidence of the sexual revanchist that he is on the right way. And as soon as the opportunity arises, “make your feet.” Method nine. If you feel that your partner has reached the boiling point and is about to begin the “procedure” of sexual revenge, use your best skills. If you know how to speak beautifully, speak your teeth, knock down aggression with words. If you have the ability to keep your cool and look menacing, try this method. If you have completed self-defense courses, hit the place where you are being threatened. Method ten. Never tell your partner about your decision to end the relationship immediately before, during or after intimacy. At such a moment, a man’s desire to take revenge on you for leaving him, and not him abandoning you, will be too great. And out of habit, he will use the most accessible male remedy for this - no doubt.
Before the beginning life together a woman is blinded by love, and sometimes is not able to see the future family tyrant in an assertive, active and attentive groom. But after some time, she realizes that she did not marry who her chosen one seemed to be. Remembering his actions, she realizes that she saw his tyranny from the very first date, but interpreted it incorrectly.
Alas, for such mistakes you have to pay with your own health, frayed nerves and lost years life. To prevent this from happening, you need to know the signs that will help you recognize a tyrant in a man even before you commit your life to him.
Tyrant psychotype
Every tyrant strives for power. It's like he's obsessed with her. His conscious and subconscious behavior boils down to suppressing and humiliating his partner, and for this he needs to control the situation. Therefore, people who are prone to full control all spheres of life, are usually tyrants. A despot does not always raise his hand against his wife, but will constantly pester her with moral teachings and instructions.
Such a man will always find something to complain about, will never praise, but will constantly express dissatisfaction with his wife’s behavior, her appearance, relatives, actions, and management abilities. A tyrant builds relationships on fear because it the only way control another person.
The desire to completely control you is the first sign of a despot
Being a neurotic with manic-depressive psychosis, he manipulates the victim, instills in her a feeling of guilt and low self-esteem. For a tyrant, everyone around him is always to blame, but he alone is always right and there can be no doubt about it. As a result, the wife waits in horror for her husband’s return from work, his anger and bad mood, because he will blame her for everything.
Signs of a tyrant
- If your chosen one speaks poorly of his “ex”, relatives and friends, if all of his people are bad, stupid, losers and not worthy of attention, this is the first sign that he does not respect and value another person. It's time to be wary - after all, the same attitude will be towards you and your relatives.
- Be careful if the groom, under the pretext that he wants to know everything about you, demands that you report to him in detail about all your steps: who you met, what you talked about, where you are going and when you will return. All this is covered up with the words “I worry and care about you,” but in reality he is simply afraid of losing his influence. If you refuse to give him a full account of your life, the tyrant may yell rudely or even hit you.
- Appealing to his own jealousy, the tyrant demands that you not meet with male friends or colleagues, do not talk to them on the phone, or go to your company’s corporate events or friends’ birthdays without him. Perhaps he will demand that you stop communicating with your lively, cheerful friends, claiming that they are “fools, dummies and will not lead to any good.” After you start living together, he will forbid you to communicate not only with friends, but also with your parents, so that he has complete power over you.
- If your fiancé blames someone else for all the troubles and misfortunes, but not himself, this means that he is a tyrant. When you get married, you will gradually find yourself to blame for everything, and he will punish you for it - with a word or assault.
- If your fiancé, half-jokingly and half-seriously, often says “be quiet, woman,” and at the same time makes decisions on his own, without asking your opinion, you have an authoritarian tyrant who will decide everything in the family himself, and then demand in an ultimatum form: “Do as I said, don’t ask questions.” If you try to express your opinion or implement his decision inaccurately, you will run into insults and humiliation.
- The tyrant does not need you to actually make a mistake in order to insult or beat you. He needs to assert himself, and the best way to raise self-esteem is to humiliate the weak. Women who are financially dependent on the tyrant especially suffer - here he will go to great lengths, constantly emphasizing that without him, no one needs a woman, she is a nonentity who will “die in a ditch” without her benefactor.
When faced with a tyrant man, it is important to be able to part with him
You need to stop being a victim and leave such a man. Although not a single tyrant will calmly let his victim go: threats, persuasion, the use of force, and even pleas for forgiveness and assurances that he has realized everything, understood his mistake and will not repeat it again can be used. Never believe such promises!
History does not know such a tyrant who would truly turn from a formidable despot into a balanced and gentle husband. But there are plenty of examples when, having returned his wife through persuasion, the tyrant begins to mock and beat her more often and harder than before. The returning woman proved to him her sacrifice and showed that she was ready to continue to endure humiliation and bullying.
If a woman is unable to break off relations with a tyrant on her own, she should turn to her family and friends, as well as to special public services providing assistance to those who have experienced domestic violence. In especially serious cases, the law provides for criminal liability and punishment for the perpetrator. But you shouldn’t let it come to this - break up with the tyrant early!
A letter, since it has to be said.
"Katya, hello!
I won’t rant for a long time and I won’t talk to myself, it’s all nonsense.
Tell me this.
Give advice to stupid women like me - how to recognize an asshole as much as possible short time?
When you just start communicating and you feel there’s a catch in something (although suddenly there isn’t one, and is it just me being biased?).
What you should immediately pay attention to - his words, actions, maybe his appearance or gestures?))) Yes, even according to the zodiac sign, Christmas tree sticks!)
I haven’t had time to swallow the hook yet and my mind hasn’t been cut off yet.
Now I’m not talking about notorious scoundrels who drink, beat, mock, I know a little about these.
I’m talking about seemingly positive guys who are kind, smart, and generous, but something is gnawing at me, because it doesn’t happen that everything is so good)"
Hello.
In fact, I’ve been meaning to talk about this for a long time.
And perhaps we should even divide it into two parts. They are both about different things, but both are important.
Therefore, today there will be part one, and tomorrow - part two.
So)
Recognizing an asshole requires women to make some... sacrifices that women are often not ready to make.
Although what kind of sacrifices are there - just stay as calm as possible and not grab anything, as long as there is a man.
But girls often don’t know how to stay calm. But the girls are great at toiling.
It’s the same with us: as soon as any type of male candidate appears on the horizon, we must never miss him.
Patamushta suddenly won’t be different any time soon, but I want it already.
Moreover, she often comes up with the idea that this is a candidate, but he’s not even a candidate, he was just passing by and inadvertently looked back.
Therefore, the main and basic rule, which greatly helps not to get into trouble with an asshole, is do not run ahead of the locomotive.
Assholes, from what I’ve noticed in life, are actually quite lazy and don’t like to exert themselves too much. They are more inclined to organize ambushes than go hunting. Not always, but usually.
Apparently because “hunting” is more of a specific declaration of intentions. It’s kind of like “I’m taking you and that means I’m already responsible for something.”
And the ambush is “I seem to be out of business, she’s on her own.”
Assholes don't like to declare their intentions.
So, the maximum is to break through the soil, but if it’s difficult there, then what the heck, there’s always easier prey.
Therefore, if the future victim of an asshole does not start to get into trouble, assholes usually quickly crawl away themselves.
Moreover, it may even be that he himself does not reach the level of an asshole, in the sense that he is not the last bastard, but an ordinary human man with his own bugs, but the relationship with him ends up being an asshole.
So, not running ahead of the locomotive is a kind of insurance against such relationships.
Something that in most cases allows you to avoid getting into something unnecessary.
As usual, they run ahead of the locomotive, using examples.
Let's say we met... well, where people usually meet now, somewhere on the Internet.
Word by word, and he begins to lazily break the ground, like “oh, you’re good, we should meet sometime.” And he even asks when she’s free.
But time passes, he doesn’t disappear, and somehow he still doesn’t call for a date. Chatting and chatting around and around.
In short, it seems to be going in circles, but without concrete actions. By the way, this can last a very long time. When it seems to be ready and just about there, but oops... and nothing.
If she doesn’t know how to treat this correctly, she can just run ahead.
For example, out of impatience to marinate on your own and try to “help him” and make an appointment yourself.
We've been talking so much, we finally need to see each other!
That's it, she's interested. And when a person is interested, he can already be twisted.
Or this happens too. More often, by the way, where it’s not an asshole, but just a situation.
Let’s say we met quickly, but he took it and disappeared after the meeting.
Or even called a couple of times later, but rather in a friendly way.
And she starts running after him.
She calls herself, invites herself, plans her own leisure time...
This is such a trick on which, oh my God, how many women are suspended.
When, as it seems to her, he wants to, but is somewhat dull, she herself invites him to meet, he agrees and even - when meeting, it’s somehow clear - he’s glad to see her, and everything goes great...
...and then he starts to seem stupid again and doesn’t offer a continuation.
But she decides that since he was glad to see her, and it was clear that everyone liked everything, then why not continue.
And again she organizes everything herself. And he is glad to see her again, and... again she herself.
But essentially this is what happens.
Man - why not be lazy about picking up something that wasn’t really needed, but seemed to come on its own - in the end he takes her every time, but the relationship turns out to be the same asshole one for her.
Moreover, he doesn’t even do anything like that, but since she needs it most of all, she begins to give a lot of herself and, without receiving as much in return increased interest(at first she manages to mistake ordinary human friendliness for this interest), or if she doesn’t receive enough, she feels deceived.
Therefore basic rule in not falling into an asshole or in an asshole relationship - at the stage of not yet close acquaintance, you should forget about the man as soon as the date ends. Or how they said goodbye in chat.
Just take it as a rule: don’t overthink things and don’t invent things beyond measure, and just forget it never happened.
When he appears again on his own, then I’ll remember.
And before that, just forget and not fool yourself by hanging yourself on hooks.
By the way, you should never swallow hooks at all.
And if you swallowed it foolishly, because you really wanted to swallow something right down to your tonsils (and no vulgarity), then you should always remember: just as you swallowed it, you can take it out, if necessary.
That is, at first I really liked it, but then I saw that something was wrong - take off your eyes, get off the hook, and row on and don’t regret anything.
There is no need to attach excessive value to a person until he proves this value.
Even if you really, really, really like a guy, you have to be able to stop and just watch what happens.
Is he active? What kind of activity? Do you like this kind of activity or is that just what they give you?
By the way, don’t eat what’s offered to you without complaint.
Well, it’s like, if it’s already clear that he only comes to you when he needs to have sex, and you’re not very happy with this state of affairs, then you don’t need to come up with plans and hopes, like “one day he’ll get used to it and won’t be able to live without me,” but you just have to stop.
In short, you need to look not only at him, but also inside yourself. Are you at peace? Fine? Comfortable? Is everything okay? Does anything jar? Aren't you giving more than him?
And if you are not satisfied with the proposed format, you must either stop taking it seriously, or even say goodbye.
The first times it’s really hard, but then this skill improves.
So it’s better to take off your eyes and still improve this skill in yourself so as not to get stuck once again on hooks.
Once again: do not run ahead of the locomotive!
This really solves a lot of problems. They just don't show up.
Ok, that’s all for today, and tomorrow we’ll figure out how to recognize an asshole, a near-asshole, or just something that you definitely don’t need - using very specific markers.
© Ekaterina Bezymyannaya
As we know, people become rapists. Sometimes life circumstances simply push a young man towards a “career” as a rapist
It is possible to detect an “underground” rapist
As we know, people become rapists. Sometimes life circumstances simply push a young man towards a “career” as a rapist (mental illness, childhood sexual trauma, etc.), and sometimes he gets his first such experience as if by accident, and only then “gets the taste.” However, it is not entirely by chance that men of a certain type end up in the role of rapists.
Of course, these characteristics should not be used to make a collective portrait that, in general, will suit half of the stronger sex, but it still won’t hurt to know the main characteristics of this “species of animals.”
- His self-esteem is catastrophically underestimated or overestimated. He is terribly pretentious, vain and “chock full” of ambitions.
- He is generally vindictive and jealous. In essence, all jealous people are prone to one form or another of revenge, including the sexual method.
- In sex, alas, he is not a Casanova, but he really wants to leave a memory of himself in the sphere of intimate relationships. Therefore, you just have to seriously hook him with something, and he will certainly take revenge on the offender with rough sex.
- Even in minor conflicts, he prefers to sort things out in bed. This is his style, and when a relationship is sorted out, anything can happen...
- He is touchy to the point of pettiness, and perceives his wife’s sexual refusal (for example) as a personal insult.
- He is a despot, a power-lover, who has behind him positive experiences from the use of physical or sexual force. Once you give in to his sexual pressure, from that moment on, every time he wants to achieve something, he will resort to a similar form of pressure. And for resistance he will take revenge in the same way.
- He deliberately relies on psychologically and financially dependent women in order to have an unhindered opportunity to influence them by any means. The most harmless of them is forced sex. The most cruel thing is sexual revanchism.
- He tends to take his anger out on others because it's the easiest thing to do. Naturally, this can also be expressed in a sexual way.
- He is a loser, a professionally and financially unfulfilled person. He blames everyone and everything for this and consciously or subconsciously dreams of getting even for his social and creative failure.
- He is prone to sadism. You certainly can’t expect anything good from him here. In addition, sexual sadism brings satisfaction not only to the soul of the sadist, but also to his body.
- He himself has become a victim of sexual aggression and is psychologically determined to search for a weak victim, whom he will take revenge for his past humiliation in the same way.
- He is HIV positive. Once upon a time he gave a woman love, and she “repaid” him for it with a fatal illness. Now he is simply obsessed with the idea of taking revenge on as many women as possible in the same way.
It is not easy to discover such a revanchist, but it is possible: he does not strive to build relationships, because he believes that he has no future; it reduces the introductory-adaptive phase of communication to a minimum, since its only goal is sexual intercourse; he does not care at all about protection: he is joyless in everything and does not value his life. When you meet someone like this, run away from him as fast as you can.
Now that we have dealt with the hallmarks of sexual vigilantes, let's move on to ways to combat them. Not forgetting that many of those who once show their sexual aggression behave generally normally in everyday life, and therefore we inadvertently let them get too close to us.
Methods to combat sexual revanchism
Method one. First of all, don’t be a sexual revanchist yourself. Watch yourself: if you have the habit of controlling your partner with the help of sexual levers, then only the complaisance and good nature of your loved one can save you from sexual revenge.
Method two. Don't allow precedent. The fact is that he may like both the process and the result.
Method three. Do not have close relationships with men from the “risk group”. Their detailed characteristics are given above.
Method four. Remember: some actions tend to awaken sexual revenge even in those who have never even thought of getting even in this way. The last straw may be a cynical betrayal with his own friend, a message that the child is “not his,” etc. In general, do not provoke your partner into this type of behavior, so as not to regret it later. And don’t be naive: even the most angelic-looking man can turn out to be a sexual monster if he’s seriously hooked.
Method five. Try to be attentive to your partner, but don't overdo it. Elevating him to the rank of deity and connivance in assessing behavior is the very microclimate in which sexual revanchism quickly unleashes.
Method six. Learn to resolve conflicts through conversation, and not through the fact of intimacy. If you have the habit of transferring solutions to family (partner) problematic issues to the bedroom, then you may not be surprised that your loved one will prove his point of view mainly using his “phallic argument.” If you object, he will use force.
Method seven. Don't act like a victim. Sexual revenge seekers usually “take it out” on precisely such notorious and defenseless women.
Method eight. If you do come across a sexual avenger, pretend that you are not afraid of him. The more horror in your eyes, the greater the confidence of the sexual revanchist that he is on the right path. And as soon as the opportunity arises, “make your feet.”
Method nine. If you feel that your partner has reached the boiling point and is about to begin the “procedure” of sexual revenge, use your best skills. If you know how to speak beautifully, speak your teeth, knock down aggression with words. If you have the ability to keep your cool and look menacing, try this method. If you have completed self-defense courses, hit the place where you are being threatened.
Method ten. Never tell your partner about your decision to end the relationship immediately before, during or after intimacy. At such a moment, a man’s desire to take revenge on you for leaving him, and not him abandoning you, will be too great. And out of habit, he will use the most accessible male remedy for this - no doubt.
If all of the above has made you wonder whether your current lover is an “underground” rapist, then you need to test him. Remember carefully everything that happened between you, and answer the questions with utmost honesty! An impartial test will show whether your loved one is prone to violence:
1. Your loved one is trying to persuade you to show him a striptease at home, but you don’t want to. He:
a) becomes offended;
b) demands what is desired;
c) demonstrates the art of undressing himself.
2. After a quarrel, your lover tries to make peace with you by:
a) gifts, flowers and tender words;
b) cool sex;
c) threats like: “If this continues, I will leave.”
3. Does your partner insist on very daring sexual experiments?
a) yes, and until he achieves his goal;
b) no;
c) when he offers something new, he does it unobtrusively and tactfully.
4. How does your loved one react to refusal of intimate activities?
a) asking “why?”;
b) irritation and slamming doors;
c) does not accept objections.
5. Are there any restrictions on sex for your friend?
a) none - does whatever he wants;
b) a lot, and very different ones - he is terribly complex;
c) there are some, but the most natural ones (for example, regarding hygiene).
6. Does your friend like to watch hardcore porn where the plot involves violence?
a) probably not;
b) definitely not;
c) ready to watch for hours.
7. What happens if you complain to your lover about the lack of orgasms?
a) he will get angry and harass you with sex;
b) will say something like: “It’s your problem”;
c) in the future he will be more attentive to you and will do everything to ensure that you also receive satisfaction.
8. Can you reproach your intimate partner for anything related to sex?
a) yes, although he may be offended;
b) of course, this spurs his activity, he begins to try harder;
c) no, he will be furious.
9. Does your loved one have sexual problems?
a) constantly;
b) very rarely;
c) never.
10. How does your friend react to life's failures?
a) gets upset and lets everything take its course;
b) worries, but does not give up trying to improve the situation;
c) tears and rushes - everyone gets it.
Counting points
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17 points or less. Your partner may not be an angel, but he is certainly not a villain. And you definitely shouldn’t expect a sneaky attack from around the corner from him. By the way, with such personal qualities, like him, there is no reason to claim that he can do nasty things to another woman, even if he treats her with much less warmth and love than he treats you. In short, he categorically does not belong to the “risk group”.
18-25 points. There are no obvious signs based on which one could classify your dear one as a rapist, but one cannot exclude him one hundred percent from this category. Still, he is a dark horse. So be more attentive to him and his behavior so as not to miss any alarming symptoms.
26 points or more. You got a cantankerous man, demanding, a kind of active extreme person. Still, if you are not looking for adventure on your own, then it is better not to get involved with this in the first place. And if you do get in touch, then be on your guard. Someday he will certainly prove himself to be a sexual extremist, at least to some extent. And the future of your sexual and human relationships depends on how you react to this. published