How good of a conversationalist do you think you are? How long has it been since you had a conversation? awkward pauses? Several tips described in this material will help you become best conversationalist, and awkward pauses will be a thing of the past. Be good conversationalist- it's just a combination various methods communication. Body language, a few tricks and you can easily carry on a conversation with any people.
Start with a question
Do you want a person to remember you? Ask him interest Ask and listen carefully to him. This will give you the opportunity to make friends.
Find out other people's opinions
Eg:
- Could you recommend me a good cocktail?
- Do you know the city well? Can you tell me a good restaurant?
- Where did you buy this phone/accessory/clothing?
- What do you think about this party?
Applying Economic Concepts to Conversation
Imagine that your conversation is a bank. If you have a lot of investments, then things are going well. If loans are more than investments, then something needs to be changed. Transferring this metaphor to communication, we get this.
Emotional Investment
- Agree with your interlocutor
- Correct body language
- Use the other person's name
- Tell jokes
- Encourage your interlocutor's ideas
- Listen attentively
- Ask for an opinion
Emotional loans
- Disagree with your interlocutor
- Incorrect body language
- Talk a lot about yourself
- Flattery
- Vulgar and personal questions
Imagine that your conversation starts with zero balance and do everything to increase it!
Copying body language
Practicing copying body language can help a lot. Has your interlocutor crossed his legs? Cross yours. Did you put your hands on the table? Do the same. Everything is very simple. Timing is also very important. Wait for the moment:
- When your interlocutor says something interesting
- When you're interested
- When the other person is proud of something
And then copy it. The person will think that you empathize with him and it will be great if this is really the case.
How to talk about yourself without being terribly boring
You can be incredibly charismatic and interesting person. But, people are simply not interested in hearing about others, no matter how wonderful you are. If you continue to follow our economic concept, then you have to make an emotional investment. Make your interlocutor experience emotions and he will be very interested in talking with you.
Change the depth of the conversation
Do you know the proverb: small minds discuss people, medium minds discuss events, and great minds discuss ideas? Use it. Start small and make fun of someone, then get their opinion about an event, and then move on to ideas related to that event. Eg:
Introduction: Hello, how was your day?
Event: Are you planning something with Katya for Valentine's Day?
Idea: I saw an article online about how we have perverted Valentine's Day from its traditional meaning.
Ask the other person to be interesting
Every person is interesting in their own way, but few really reveal themselves. So give them a chance to open up and they will only think about you. Here's a simple example:
Tell me something interesting about yourself.
This is a great conversation starter that will make you seem more attentive and at the same time give you the opportunity to learn something really interesting about the person.
How to ask people what they do
How do you spend your time when you're not...?
Instead of being empty, there should be something at the end that you know about the person. Here are some examples:
How do you spend your time when you're not writing your exciting blog?
How do you spend your time when you're not on Facebook?
How do you spend your time when you're not going to the gym?
Be a good listener
If you asked me to give one piece of advice on how to become a good communicator, this would be it. This is the most an important part. Listen to the person. Be genuinely interested in what he has to say. Lead your interlocutor's story with your questions. Be interested in him and he will be interested in you in return.
Conversation pace
In general, a fast pace of conversation is a sign of nervousness and excitement, while a moderate pace is a sign of confidence. Therefore, try to speak at a moderate pace, but if your interlocutor speaks at a fast pace, copy him and speak the same way.
Change the topic of conversation correctly
This has happened to everyone: you are discussing something with someone you know, but then a third person bursts into your conversation and turns the whole conversation in their direction. It's terribly annoying. But only if you're doing it wrong. You must make an emotional investment at the end of your monologue. This will distract attention and you won't look like an idiot by changing the subject. Example:
Chris: My son is a very good football player.
Me: Cool! You once talked about where he trained. My son recently earned a black belt in Karate and is going to Korea on a student exchange program. After all, your son trained in Korea? Can you give me some advice?
The emotional investment in this exchange was a compliment to Chris and his son. I changed the topic of conversation to the one I needed, doing it correctly.
Give the right compliments
Compliments are very powerful tool, if used correctly. The right way use of compliments - make them about what a person is proud of. Eg:
- If the person is in good shape and it is obvious that he spends a lot of time in the gym, compliment him on his figure.
- If a person is successful in their career, compliment their creativity, business acumen, or intelligence.
Don't compliment people's qualities unless they have achieved it themselves. Do not speak beautiful girl that she is beautiful. She already knows that.
Unite friends
If you are at a party or social event, you are unlikely to stand in one place. Most likely, you will move from one group of acquaintances to another. If you see people you know in different groups, don't be afraid to invite them to talk together. Do it with humor and without tension. And then your friends will remember you as a very friendly person.
When someone's relatives die, we often cannot find the right words, we don’t know how to behave in such a situation. AiF.ru spoke about how to ease the pain of loss head of emergency center department psychological assistance EMERCOM of Russia Larisa Pyzhyanova.
Tell the truth
Natalya Kozhina: Larisa Grigorievna, when people lose loved ones, it’s difficult to find some words... And yet, how can you support a person?
Larisa Pyzhyanova: People are very afraid of this situation, they don’t know what to say. Words should be natural; if you want to say something and it comes from the heart, then say it. You should not fuss around the person and try to engage him in conversation. If he is silent, you see that he is feeling bad, just sit next to him, if he turns to you and starts talking himself, then listen and support. It happens that a person just needs to speak out, don’t stop him from doing it.
- What phrases are better not to say at all?
You cannot say “calm down”, “don’t cry”, “everything will pass”, “you will still arrange your life”. The fact is that at the moment when a person learns about the death of a loved one, it seems impossible. Anything else will be perceived as a direct insult and betrayal of the deceased. We (psychologists of the Russian Ministry of Emergency Situations) always tell only the truth, and this truth lies in very competently informing a person about what is happening to him and what will happen next. People often feel like they are going crazy, they get scared own reactions. It can be aggression, hysteria, or, on the contrary, it can be complete calm.
You can often hear: “What is happening to me? I loved my husband, why don’t I feel anything now?” Then we tell you that this state is absolutely normal, it is a shock when your consciousness does not allow the thought that you have lost loved one, it's very powerful defensive reaction. When awareness comes, then grief will come, tears that you will need to experience. You will have to live, fall asleep and wake up with the awareness of loss. But time will pass, and the pain will begin to subside. It will be replaced by other feelings. There is such a concept - “ light sadness“when a person’s heart swells, but he remembers with a smile what happened, some bright episodes from his past life. It will come, but it will take time.Stay close
- Larisa Grigorievna, how should colleagues and friends of those who have lost relatives behave?
The first 3-4 months after death is the period acute grief when it's hardest. It is important to have family and friends nearby. It often happens that in the first days a person is surrounded with attention and care, especially up to 9 days, and then everyone returns to their usual life. And a person who has lost a loved one finds himself in a vacuum; he has the feeling that he has been abandoned and betrayed. I've had people tell me, “When things were going well, friends were there. And now everyone is afraid of becoming infected with my grief, who needs forever crying man?. This further aggravates the condition.
You need to tell the person: “We are next to you, and we will be there as long as you need.” Stay in constant contact with the bereaved person. Yes, everyone has their own worries, but you can always call and find out how you are doing, come in and talk. When a period of acute grief passes, a person may have a need to talk about the deceased and look at his photographs. Don't distance yourself from him, listen, ask some questions, no matter how awkward it may seem.
- Some people advise changing the situation, going somewhere, do you support this method?
- We do not recommend radically changing anything in your life within a year after the death of a loved one: moving, changing jobs. Because during this period a person is in an altered state, and, as a rule, all decisions are made by him under the influence of emotions. When people lose a child, you can often hear: “We probably need to give birth again to dull this pain.” But in fact, this is very dangerous, first of all, for the one who is born, because he can become a “replacement child.”Parents can place all the hopes on him that they did not manage to fulfill. dead child. But, of course, it is better not to say this openly, but to present everything more softly: “Think about your condition, you must recover over this year in order for a healthy child to be born.”
Don't rush
Now there is a lot to do difficult moment- identification and funeral, it often happens that they try to protect one of the relatives from organizational issues, this is right?
In fact, it is especially difficult for those who cannot take part in deciding all the important moments after the death of a person. Sometimes they tell us: “My wife won’t go, it’s very difficult for her, she won’t take part in this.” It is not right. It is necessary to involve all loved ones to the maximum in the process of the first days of preparation for the funeral and resolving some issues. This is important when a person is in active work, he feels better because he is doing something in last time for your loved one, there is no need to fence him off from this and say: “Rest, sleep, we will do everything ourselves.” On the contrary, involve the person as much as possible.
How do you understand that a person who has lost a loved one cannot cope with the loss on his own and needs the help of a specialist?
Any reactions that occur in the first year (one and a half) after the death of a loved one are normal. This could be aggression, depression, mood swings. Why do we take this particular period of time? In 12 months, a person alone experiences everything that he previously experienced with his loved one: vacation, birthday, New Year etc. After a year, a maximum of a year and a half, it becomes easier. But if even after this time a person cannot return to normal life, then the help of a specialist is needed. Everything that happens before one year is the norm, and relatives and employers should be warned about this, because a person may begin to work worse. But everything will get better, give it time. There is also a moment when those around you begin to say: “That’s it, a lot of time has passed, come on, come back to life.” In fact, everyone experiences their grief differently, some need 1-2 months, others need a year, and this is absolutely normal.
- Unfortunately, the loss - an integral part of human life, each of us has to go through the pain of loss. And, of course, everyone has at least once met a person experiencing grief. For a person who has lost his loved one, the people around him are a source of support and help, so necessary in his time of grief. And for us, meeting a grieving person is a kind of test of humanity, a test of the ability to sympathize, show sensitivity and tact. Perhaps this is why many people are at a loss, not knowing how to help a grieving person, what to say, how to behave. We often rely on our gut feeling, but even an expert can make the wrong decision. How to protect yourself from mistakes?
– One of the typical types of incorrect behavior with a grieving person is emotional detachment from him, avoiding talking about the loss and the feelings caused by it, in other words, inaction. Thus, one woman, who had lost her already adult son, complained that many of her friends, having heard from her about the misfortune that had happened, hastily apologized: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know” - and immediately moved the conversation to another topic, leaving it thus alone with your grief. Most often, this is due to either basic ignorance of how to behave in similar situation, or the action of protective psychological mechanisms when a person seeks to avoid discomfort and negative emotions when encountering someone else's suffering.
“But the wrong words can do just as much harm as silence.” Which phrases should be avoided, and which, on the contrary, will be effective?
– There are many harmful stereotypes and prejudices among people that prevent them and the people around them from truly experiencing loss. Most often they manifest themselves in the form of incorrect or hurtful statements. First of all, these are untimely, inappropriate statements generated by a misunderstanding of current circumstances or psychological state experiencing loss: “You’re still young, you’ll get married again” or “Don’t cry - she wouldn’t like it,” etc.
No less common are the so-called projecting statements, when a person transfers his own thoughts to the grieving person. own feelings, desires, experience. Sometimes we really want to say: “I understand your feelings.” But in fact, any loss is individual and is experienced by the grieving person as unique, so such a seemingly harmless phrase can cause rejection. It seems to a person experiencing loss that with these words you seem to devalue his grief. Metropolitan Sourozhsky Anthony tells a story about a young priest who came to the house of a woman who had lost her child and said: “How I understand you!” In response, the woman became furious: “You don’t understand anything! You have never had a child, you have never lost one, and you have never been a mother.” A similar situation arises if a sympathizer says: “You should continue to live your life,” “You need to leave the house more often,” “It’s time to end mourning.” This is how people simply express their own needs, thinking it will help someone else.
In general, you should strive to avoid common “killer clichés” associated with loss: “You should have gotten over it by now,” “You need to keep yourself busy,” “Time heals all wounds.” This also includes phrases like “Be strong,” “You need to hold on,” “You shouldn’t give in to tears.” These verbal attitudes drive grief underground and interfere with its healthy living.
– What should you say to prevent tactlessness and help the grieving person?
– First, acknowledge the situation. For example, say: “I heard that (using the name of the deceased) died.” Use the word “died”, and not any allegory (“left”, “left us”, etc.). This will show that you are open to talking about how the person is really feeling. Be sure to express your genuine participation, do not hide your feelings: “I am very upset that this happened.” If you are confused and cannot find the words, simply say: “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I am worried with you.”
Ask how the grieving person is feeling, offer your support, for example: “Tell me what I can do for you.” The emotions experienced by a grieving person are the living engine of grief. On the one hand, you cannot force a person to show his emotions if he is not yet ready for this, on the other hand, it is important to stimulate the expression of feelings whenever possible. Even if a person speaks very restrainedly about his loss, you need to be prepared for a surge of emotions and support their expression. A bereaved person suffers from the resulting emptiness and from what cannot be changed. Therefore, it is first of all important for the person present nearby, whether he is a professional psychologist or a friend, to be close to the grieving person, to empathize with him, and to give him a feeling of support. It is very important to prove yourself good listener. Experiencing the death of a loved one should not be seen as a problem that can be solved, so you should accept any feelings expressed and empathize with the grieving person rather than advising him how to cope with the loss or downplaying the significance of the loss. In no case should the grieving person's refusal to make contact be regarded as a personal attack on you or your relationship with him. Some people want to be helped, others don't. But by rejecting your help, the grieving person does not at all reject your friendship, and this should be remembered.
– Now it’s clear what should not be done towards a person in grief. But another, no less difficult, question arises: what should be done in relation to him, how to help in practical terms?
In order to understand this issue, it makes sense to determine what functions grief performs, what tasks the griever faces from the point of view of experiencing loss.
In the very general view ultimate goal The process of experiencing grief is the acceptance of loss and the subsequent restructuring of life. We can say that the grieving person has to go through the following path:
1) acknowledge the reality of the loss;
2) experience the pain of loss;
3) regulate relations with the environment in which the deceased is no longer present;
4) accept the past and move forward to live in today and tomorrow.
Facilitating and shortening (but not interrupting!) this path is a task faced jointly by the grieving person and the people around him.
How to achieve this? First of all, just being there for the grieving person, even if you don't know what to say, can be very comforting in itself. Offer to help with errands, grocery shopping, housekeeping, meal preparation, or transportation. Sometimes people want to be helped, sometimes they don't. Although they may reject your proposals, remember that they are not rejecting you or your friendship. Support should be offered even after the initial shock has passed, because recovery takes a long time and help may be needed more than once.
If a grieving person begins to abuse alcohol or drugs, does not take care of his health (which causes problems), or talks about suicide, then you or someone close to you should advise him to seek professional help. Don’t forget to look after your own health: emotional, physical and spiritual.
– You said that it is important to provide practical help– material, economic. But is it useful to completely protect the bereaved person from everyday worries?
– Indeed, there is no need to remove the grieving person from everyday affairs, especially if he himself expresses his readiness to do something. Certain physical activity simply necessary. After one and a half to two months after the loss, you can more persistently involve the person in performing household and work responsibilities. However, there is another extreme in this matter: some people throw themselves into work to escape from their feelings. In this case, overactivity becomes an obstacle to the normal functioning of grief, and it is important for both the bereaved person and the people around him to know this.
– But what if a person “obsesses” with his grief and even after a long time experiences the loss again and again?
– In the normal version, grief is natural process healing mental wound caused by the death of a loved one. It takes time and is deeply personal. It cannot be interfered with and directed into the “standard” direction. Sometimes the griever may seem to be moving along vicious circle, however, repeatedly experiencing the same feelings can be a manifestation of the work of grief and act important stage on the path to recognition and acceptance of loss. Therefore, the sympathizer is required to have patience and trust in the inner wisdom of the interlocutor. It is not enough to listen to a grieving person and help him express his feelings; it is also necessary to accept him entirely, with all his feelings and experiences. Acceptance does not mean approving a person in his thoughts, feelings, behavior towards the deceased, or justifying the mistakes that he may have actually made. Acceptance means refusing to judge and recognizing a person’s right to make mistakes and to the feelings that he is currently experiencing. It is necessary to avoid any kind of assessments and moralizing. This helps the grieving person accept the loss himself and recognize its irreparability. And here it is worth mentioning one more thing important point– accepting the inevitability of suffering, be it the pain of parting or the feeling of guilt before the deceased. It is often necessary (and sometimes it is completely the only way out) accept them and find the strength to live with them further.
– Is it always possible to independently help a person overcome a loss or are there cases that require intervention? professional psychologists?
– Of course, the support and sympathy of others is extremely important for a grieving person. At the same time, communication with him in some cases becomes too difficult and even unfavorable for the one who empathizes with him and tries to help. If a person realizes that he has done everything in his power, but this does not satisfy the grieving person, then he should step aside for a while. Of course, this does not mean that you need to leave a person alone with his grief. Quicker we're talking about about limiting senseless spending mental strength, which, on the one hand, emotionally exhausts the empathizer, on the other hand, turns out to be useless for the grieving person and may even reinforce his painful reaction to the loss.
Most people who have lost their loved ones cope with the loss on their own with the support of family, friends and acquaintances. Helping a grieving person is a delicate task and requires great emotional tact. Basically, it is accessible to non-specialists, since in most cases its implementation does not require any special methods, but just living human participation. Special meaning at the same time, they have the personal, spiritual qualities of a person who is next to the grieving person. However, in some cases, those grieving really need professional psychological help.
There are wonderful words in the New Testament that shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half sorrow. If a person grieving for his loved one opens his soul to others and, moreover, thinks about them, tries to do something good for them, then it is easier for him to survive the loss. Likewise, the participation of other people, their help and support are extremely important for a person suffering after a loss. The rules of conduct that we talked about should not be taken literally as a universal guide to action, since all people and situations are unique in some way. The main guideline should be interests, characteristics and reactions specific person experiencing loss. If he accepts your words, suggestions, actions, then most likely you are on the right path.
This serious disease How schizophrenia, unfortunately, can occur in any person, regardless of education, income, age and gender. Therefore, no one can guarantee that this will never happen to one of our loved ones. Naturally, you don’t want to think about bad things, however, it is absolutely necessary to know that in such a situation, a sick person needs an extremely special attitude towards him from his family and friends.
Yes, people with schizophrenia have a rather specific perception of the world around them, but this does not mean that these people do not need human warmth, love and care from others. The main task relatives of a patient with schizophrenia is to help him adapt to society.
How to behave correctly with a patient with schizophrenia?
People with schizophrenia are easily influenced environment and for this reason it is extremely important effective communication with them when you realize how, at what time and what to talk about. If you are angry or upset, you should postpone discussion with the sick person. important issues. In such unstable states, it is not easy to think clearly, listen carefully and make constructive decisions.
Anyone gets sad, angry, and upset when others push them away, let alone people with mental disorders. The behavior of others often in itself pushes patients with schizophrenia to impulsive and unexpected actions. A person who lives with a patient suffering from schizophrenia must try to adequately, calmly and with understanding respond to his actions, provide assistance in every possible way, show care, support, and protect him. Relatives and friends must learn tolerance. Warm and “healthy” relationships in the family are the basis for the onset of high-quality and long-term remission, partial or complete social adaptation, as well as recovery!
If you notice unusual behavior, “strange”, inappropriate statements and beliefs in one of your loved ones, be sure to do everything to show him to a psychiatrist. This is not so simple, since people with schizophrenia do not consider themselves sick. Therefore, you can find an indirect reason for visiting a doctor: poor sleep, deterioration of mutual understanding with others, relief from increased anxiety and fear, etc.
Unfortunately, the so-called “stigmatization” of mental illness is widespread in our society, so people often believe that going to a psychiatrist is something shameful, a “stigma,” but this is not true at all! Modern features psychiatry, in particular the latest psychotropic drugs gave patients with schizophrenia a chance to overcome the disease, become fully socially adapted, and not be or feel crazy.
It is necessary to know that the active course of the disease, when delusions and hallucinations persist, lead over time to the formation of a specific schizophrenic defect, which changes the personality and prevents it from adapting to society. Therefore, if you turn to a specialist for help in time, you can give your loved ones not only the opportunity to get rid of the painful manifestations of schizophrenia, which change a person, his views and behavior, but also the opportunity to become socially adapted and function at a pre-morbid level.
Relationships with relatives are not always full of mutual understanding and trust.
This especially applies to the situation when a girl marries a guy, and they have a noticeable increase in relatives, even if not by blood. Yes, a father-in-law and mother-in-law will never replace real parents for a young husband, just as a father-in-law and mother-in-law will never replace a new wife. But this does not mean that they should be perceived as strangers. How to behave to loved ones? This question is very important.
Love and appreciate your relatives
The shortcomings of people close to you, be they relatives or friends, should not be taken with hostility.. After all, you also have shortcomings that people dear to you have come to terms with, because there are no ideal people, everyone has their downsides, you just need to learn to ignore them. Instead, focus on people's strengths, praise them for their achievements and good qualities– honesty, generosity, willingness to help, and so on. Don’t say anything bad about your loved ones behind your back, even to strangers.
Treat loved ones with compassion
If someone has problems, do not stand aside, you are not strangers. Help with deeds or at least words. They will also help you if you have problems. Sometimes it is worth intervening even if you are not asked, although not always. For example, if a child is having difficulty comprehending something new for him, do not rush to help, except with a couple of tips, and then with permission . Willingness to help your neighbor is the key to well-being in the family.
Dinner brings the whole family together
Yes this is true. During a family dinner, all relatives participate in the discussion of the news. If someone has problems, they are solved together, and the final decision is made by the head of the family. Family dinner is one of required attributes prosperous family.
Don't forget about the children
Working, cooking, cleaning and everything else takes up a lot of time for adults, but don’t forget about the children - they need to develop harmoniously, and this is impossible without the feasible support of their parents, and even better, their grandparents. Only You need to agree in advance that the word of the parents is the law. That is, if you forbid your child something, the grandmother should not allow him to do it behind your back. Talk to your parents about this.
Nip disputes and quarrels in the bud, turning them into discussions
If you notice that your loved ones are arguing or even quarreling, you have every right to stand as a wedge between them and calm down the arguing relatives. It’s better to invite them to the kitchen for a cup of tea, where in a calm atmosphere you can find out everything and resolve the dispute peacefully. Your help will definitely be appreciated over time.
It would seem that these tips are so banal that they were not worth mentioning. N oh, solutions to problems often lie on the surface, people just can’t (or don’t want) to see them. Believe me, this is enough for sunny weather to prevail in the family and you are no longer tormented by the question of what to do with your closest relatives.