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To make a positive impression on your audience, you need to pay attention to the basic approaches that affect the appeal of your voice. These principles must be revealed, clearly understood, and the necessary ones must be worked out to perfection.
Four manners of human behavior during a speech, communication, conversation.
1. First manner. Uncertain behavior pattern
An insecure person usually tries to pity his interlocutor, tries to act like a “bottom dog”. A person with an insecure demeanor can speak quite loudly, quite quickly, aggressively, and unfortunately it feels like they are speaking from weakness, and not from strength.
That is, these people will call for merciful motives in your soul, such people are called to pity you.
This manner, of course, is not charismatic, because low emotional tones, a tone of grief, a tone of fear, even a tone of anger, are not emotions that can be charismatic, and people who speak in these emotions are not charismatic.
They can make different impressions, they can attract attention, even arouse interest, but they always signal with their emotions that they are not charismatic, that they do not manage the situation well.
You must clearly monitor these emotions within yourself and avoid them, because such a voice will not work well in your life, much less help your online advancement.
2. Second manner. Aggressive manner.
An aggressive manner is the opposite of an insecure manner, but it also comes from your inner insecurity. Because an aggressive manner of speaking always shows that you are trying to protect your inner weakness with your screams of aggression, humiliation of a person, screams, and without noticing it, you are trying to cover up your inner insecurities. You inflame yourself with anger, trying to bring yourself into this emotion, and ultimately fall into the clutches of uncontrolled aggression.
This aggressive manner is also not charismatic because it shows your dependence on the other person. You don't notice that you are showing that you can be controlled.
You've lost your temper. You seem to yourself that you put pressure and achieved results through anger. But this is not so, you lost your temper out of control.
Control is start – change – finish. Therefore, a person who controls his emotion can start yelling, yelling as much as he needs and can stop abruptly without feeling any discomfort.
Let's say two personalities are screaming, and one of the personalities (the charismatic one) can always stop his screaming and switch to another emotion, for example, just laugh, and the non-charismatic personality will scream and yell until he is stopped by a blow to the head.
3. Third model. Confusion model.
Confusionists are a creative behavior pattern. Their speech jumps from one topic to another, from one subject to another and is completely unpredictable. This is a loose, unscrewed manner.
At the same time, she is quite attractive, sometimes you hear such a person, but you do not understand what they are talking about, and yet you like to listen to him.
A confused person, as a rule, makes unsystematic jumps from one topic to another, he can speak both slowly and quickly, the point here is not in the pace, but in the fact that he changes the vector of his conversation in a completely unpredictable way.
Confused people, or they are also called distracters, can be very creative people, that is, their manner of creating, their manner of being creative in any field is sometimes admirable.
Any talented person needs to incorporate confusion in order to unblock and go into creative modes, but if you plan to speak in front of an audience, then the manner of confusion is unlikely to help you.
This manner is not very constructive in order to show your charisma in order to control the situation. It's actually impossible to move an object off the table if you move it in different directions.
It is also impossible to move an object from the table if you move it quietly, as insecure people do, or if you move it sharply and aggressively, as aggressive people do.
All these three behavior patterns differ from each other, but there are mixed behavior patterns, but what is noteworthy is that these behavior patterns are not charismatic.
Then what manner is charismatic?
Fourth.
4. Fourth model. Balancing.
The equalizing manner comes from the fact that you are a strong person, that you consider your interlocutor strong, therefore this position is called equalizing, because when communicating with your audience, you show by all appearances that you respect your audience and demand from them mutual respect for you.
If we proceed from the previous three models, then an insecure person believes that:
- “I, guys, am such a nonentity, and you are so great and wonderful and should help me,”
An aggressive person believes that:
- “I am great, and the rest of the public are nonentities and plebeians”,
- “The confused person doesn’t know what he wants at all.”
But a confident person, with his voice, his manner of behavior, his gaze, his movements, shows his interlocutor or audience that he respects her, that he is not trying to flirt with her and is not trying to appease her. Doesn't ask her for alms, just offers something that she can take something useful for herself and give something useful to him in return.
Confidence in your business. If you don’t have it, you need to develop it in yourself, painstakingly improving and increasing your expertise. There is nothing worse for a person than uncertainty in the matter for which he spends a lot of time.
The main thing is to realize that you can do a lot for people and convey to them with all your heart. This will give you confidence, give you that inner stability, that same iron core, without which no concept of charisma can exist.
If you don’t know how to do something, then you need to learn as quickly as possible so that you know for sure that you can do it well, and only then can you calmly go out into any audience, calmly say something, and the audience will feel
I recently advised my friend not to put her phone on the table during family dinners with her highly moral mother-in-law - they say, the rules of etiquette regard such an act as disrespect for your interlocutors and preoccupation with work.
She thanked her in surprise, and a few days later called with thanks - it turns out that the mother-in-law pursed her lips in displeasure precisely for this reason, it seemed to her that her daughter-in-law was so bored at family gatherings that she was ready to run away at the first call.
After talking about this topic, we realized that many people have no idea what social etiquette is and how to adhere to the rules of etiquette. I have written a small guide to good manners that all people should observe.
Universal rules
These recommendations must be followed regardless of gender, age and country of residence - this is common courtesy.- Don't come to visit without calling - it's bad manners. Even if your friend lives in the next building and you are sure that he will be glad to see you, you should not put him in an awkward position, call and make an agreement. The same rule applies to relatives.
Many young couples complain that parents show up for a visit without calling, but at the same time they allow themselves to visit their loved ones, believing that these are different situations. In fact, the situation is the same - you are violating someone else's will.
- If your interlocutor or companion greets someone they know, show good manners and say hello, and if the conversation drags on, invite the random interlocutor to join you.
- There are some things that should not be discussed in polite society. There are several of them:
- issues of age and longevity (this can confuse and even compromise those present);
- financial well-being (in some situations this is appropriate, usually at men’s meetings, in the company of business partners or close friends);
- problems in the house (this applies to both the situation at a party and your own problems at home - in any case, airing dirty laundry in public is simply unacceptable);
- religious attitudes and behavior (again, with the exception of a group of close friends who are aware of your religion);
- illnesses and issues related to various diseases - absolutely all conversations about health that begin “for health” end on a funereal note and unpleasant details;
- adultery and other people's personal life;
- low and dishonest actions;
- one's own actions that deserve praise - others should praise a person, otherwise it looks like a peacock spreading its tail. - The person entering the room greets first, thus attracting attention. Even if your subordinates are in front of you, and you are sure that they should show respect, the rule of the “culprit” of the event comes into play here. You enter - you say hello first.
- Someone else's correspondence should be inviolable, like any other people's secrets. Remember, what two people know, everyone around them will know.
- There is no need to try to fit into someone else's lifestyle if you can't afford it.
- Gratitude is appropriate absolutely everywhere and always; express your emotions, give compliments and learn to be grateful to people.
These simple basics of etiquette are not something complicated - they are a common cultural code, following which you will move in a circle of decent friends.
Of course, if you do not follow these rules, no one will challenge you to a duel, and it is unlikely that they will attract all the public attention to your mistake. But if you don’t follow them, then over and over again a special negative attitude will be formed towards you, and gradually you will find yourself in a company where you have never even heard of the norms of communication with people.
Project all these rules onto yourself and you will understand their value. Do you like it when a friend calls and says she wants to come visit? Of course, she likes it, you will have time to take the guest slippers from the cat and bake cookies before her arrival. This means we need to do the same.
Would you like your correspondence to become public knowledge, much less discussed within the company? It is unlikely, which means you should not participate in such conversations, much less initiate them.
Men
The rules of etiquette for men have several subtopics - relationships with women, relationships with men, relationships with colleagues and with an impersonal representative of society (for example, you should not court someone else's wife in company, it is enough just to observe social etiquette).Goethe wrote that a person's manners are a mirror in which his portrait is reflected. Accordingly, our behavior says more about us to others than we might like. Mind your manners and you will always be on top.
A man should not offend the women present with his appearance and behavior. This means that he must be neat, well-groomed, neat in his clothes, have a good hairstyle and be either clean-shaven or have his facial hair in perfect order.
In relation to women, a man must show himself to be a gentleman:
- show signs of attention;
- skip ahead;
- open doors for a lady;
- give a hand;
- ask permission before smoking.
- show negative reactions, even if the person is completely unpleasant to you and you are forced to be at the same event with him, social etiquette requires at least a fleeting greeting;
- expressing discriminatory opinions about those present is always regarded negatively;
- cause a scandal;
- speak disparagingly;
- reveal other people's secrets;
- talk about your male victories (this can discredit the girl in the eyes of other men).
Such rules are not difficult to follow, but good behavior makes a person pleasant to talk to.
Women
Special rules of etiquette for girls involve a lot of hints - especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Back in the Middle Ages, there was a certain system of rules and traditions, following which a girl could tell a random gentleman any information about herself - for this, a system of glances and sighs, special hairstyles, special scarves and much more were used.
The current social etiquette that ladies must adhere to is much simpler, but it also has its secrets.
It is no secret that the requirement to be a neat and well-groomed person is the norm of politeness, but exactly the same norm of politeness is to be appropriate to the place and time. It is not very appropriate to attend a party that takes place in the lap of nature, wearing diamonds and an evening dress.
Also, don't be too democratic. This applies to the choice of clothing, jewelry, accessories, hairstyle and makeup. A girl should be well-groomed, and her appearance should always correspond to the situation.
Dignity and honor are a woman’s main weapon. Beauty is given to us by nature, any lady should be well-groomed, but carry yourself with dignity- a rare quality that should be learned. First of all, learn to watch your speech.
A woman should be merciful, this is one of the qualities that is inherent in each of us, and it is good form to show mercy not only to socially vulnerable people, but also to your friends. Inquire about the well-being of other people's sick relatives, be ready to help and do not forget about anyone.
Be friendly, don't be snobbish. Social etiquette is not about telling off service personnel, but about rules of behavior that are expected of oneself and others outside of their occupation and origin.
Learn to look decent; the basic rules of etiquette provide clear recommendations on how a woman in society should:
- stand;
- walk;
- sit down, stand up and sit.
It's sad but true: violating the norms of social behavior in countries that live according to Sharia can cost a woman her freedom and life.
Different situations
When applying for a job in a serious company, learn the rules of behavior in a team, but do not forget that each team has its own, unique communication etiquette. Try to use generally accepted manners and not contradict the habits of the regulars, then you can be known as a cultured and pleasant person.Maintain (and encourage your companions to do the same) etiquette in public places; do not cause inconvenience to strangers. At the same time, be careful in your aspirations towards other people - society does not always perceive such actions mercifully.
Despite the rules of etiquette in Russia, show respect for foreigners and pay tribute to their cultural traditions, do not forget that different rules may apply in the house of a visiting person.
Don’t be afraid to be uncultured; if in some situation you find yourself completely unprepared, you can always ask advice from the person whose manners seem impeccable to you - There is absolutely no shame in not knowing something, it is a shame in not striving to find out.
Manners are a habit, a set of behaviors; a well-mannered person remains well-mannered even when alone with himself. Strive for this and you will feel the results.
A well-mannered person immediately stands out from the crowd; he is distinguished by certain behavioral traits or manners, such as voice intonation, special expressions used in speech, tone, gestures, facial expressions, and gait. All this is called manners.
Good manners include restraint, modesty, and the ability to control your words and actions. The ability to communicate tactfully and carefully with interlocutors immediately distinguishes a well-mannered person from others.
In order to correspond to the concept of a “well-mannered person”, you need to know the basic rules of etiquette and good manners.
Basic Rules
The habit of speaking loudly, a manner of speech in which one is not shy in expressions and display of emotions, is considered bad manners. And if this is also flavored with active gestures, swagger, tactlessness and unrestrained facial expressions, then you are at risk of earning yourself a reputation as an ill-mannered person.
In addition, such behavior patterns as rudeness in expressions, sloppiness in clothing, disregard for the interests of others, outright hostility towards interlocutors, and imposing one’s desires and will on others are considered unacceptable.
The manner of communication is determined by a person’s internal culture and is usually regulated by upbringing, as well as by socially accepted rules of etiquette.
Etiquette, in turn, implies a respectful and friendly attitude towards all surrounding people, their social status, worldview, position, age, nationality and much more. In general, the rules of etiquette in a civilized society presuppose politeness, which is based on humanism.
In fact, there is nothing difficult about following the rules of etiquette. We offer you 17 rules of good manners for every day that can make your life much easier.
17 etiquette rules for every day
Many of the rules of good manners are hopelessly outdated, but there are a number of instructions that, if you follow, you can be considered a well-mannered person:
1. Never visit people without warning. If you have unexpected guests, then you can walk around the house in a robe or sweatpants without embarrassment and not apologize for the uncleaned room. Let it be their problem;
2. It is considered bad manners to force guests to take off their shoes. They have to figure out these things themselves. If not, the rules of ethics are unknown to them;
3. One of the most common mistakes is drying an umbrella open in public places. Do this exclusively at home. When visiting or in the office, hang the closed umbrella on a hanger;
4. Good manners for girls include rules for how to behave with your accessories. For example, many ladies make the same mistake - they put their bag on their laps or, in general, put it on the table.
This is unacceptable for a well-mannered girl. If a small elegant clutch can still be placed on the table without embarrassment, then a large bag or, especially, a backpack should be placed on the floor or hung on a chair. Men's briefcases must be placed exclusively on the floor;
5. Carrying plastic or paper branded bags in everyday life is considered outright redneck.
Cellophane bags can only be used to carry groceries home from the supermarket. The same with paper bags - they took the purchase from the boutique home and forgot about it;
6. A man should not carry a woman’s bag at all, and take a woman’s cloak or coat in his hands only when giving it to a lady or carrying it to the dressing room in a theater or other public place;
7. Bathrobe, pajamas, underwear - these are items for the bedroom. At home, it is recommended to wear a comfortable sweater, T-shirt, and trousers. Of course, they must look decent. As a last resort, let it be a tracksuit, but its condition should be decent. Pulled knees and spots are not allowed;
8. Respecting the boundaries of another person and the ability to defend your own is one of the important rules of etiquette. If your child has a separate room, learn to enter it with a knock when he is there.
The child should do the same thing when he wants to enter your bedroom. No one has the right to open letters that arrive at another person’s address, the same applies to electronic resources, accounts, mail and mobile phones. Reading other people's SMS, going through pockets and bags is also a sign of bad taste;
9. A woman may not take off her hat and gloves indoors, but it is better to take off her hat and mittens. I don’t think it’s worth saying that a man is obliged to take off any hat indoors;
10. International protocol prescribes that the number of decorations should not exceed 13 items.
A combination of rings made of different precious metals, such as gold and silver, on one hand is considered ugly. And, in general, you should not clutter up your appearance with excess jewelry. Choose a pair: ring and brooch, earrings and bracelet, necklace and hairpin;
11. Some people do not understand the rules of payment in cafes and restaurants. If, when communicating with a person, you say the phrase “I invite you,” then, of course, you must pay. If a woman invites a business partner to dinner, she pays accordingly.
If they tell you “Let’s go to a restaurant,” then you will pay in half. If a man asks a woman to pay for her, she has the right to agree or refuse;
12. Good manners dictate that men enter the elevator first, and the one closest to the door exits;
13. The most prestigious place in a car is considered to be the seat behind the driver. This is where, according to the rules of etiquette, a woman should sit, and a man should take a seat next to her. When leaving, he opens the door for the lady and offers her his hand.
Many feminists today believe that opening doors in front of you in a car or building is wrong. They say that the business world is not divided by gender;
14. It is considered extremely indecent to declare in society that you are on a diet, do not drink alcohol, or are sick. Why you cannot or do not want to eat something or drink alcohol is your purely personal problem. You don’t have to eat anything, ask for dry wine, sip it a little, but you must praise the hostess for her efforts;
15. Small talk suggests that there are a number of taboo topics for general discussion. These are religion, politics and health. It is very indecent to ask about the value of property, clothing or accessories.
If you are asked a similar question, smile, say that it is a gift and move the conversation to another topic. Moreover, it is indecent to be interested in the size of another person’s salary. If you are asked about this, politely say that you would not like to discuss this topic;
16. Any person whose age has passed the twelve-year mark must be addressed as “you.” It looks very rude from the outside when people address people working in the service industry on a first-name basis.
In business, even if you are close friends, in the presence of other people it is necessary to address each other as “you”. If in relation to you some stranger allows himself to say “you” to you, you can try to subtly hint to him with the following phrase: “Are you addressing me?”
Greetings to my regular and new readers! Friends, why do we need good manners in our time? Let's try to figure it out.
What are good manners
Good manners are the basis for the behavior of a well-mannered person in society. The way of dealing with other people, the expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gestures and facial expressions. All this is called manners.
At the heart of all good manners is the concern that one should not disturb another. So that everyone feels good together. We must be able to not interfere with each other. Do not think that good manners are only manners, that is, something superficial. By your behavior you reveal your essence.
“Everything in a person should be beautiful: face, clothes, soul, and thoughts” A.P. Chekhov
You need to cultivate not so much manners as what is expressed in them. This is a caring attitude towards the world, towards society, towards nature, towards animals and birds. You don’t need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need to respect the people around you.
“Conduct should be elevated, but not bizarre. Thoughts should be subtle, but not petty. The character must be balanced, but not weak-willed. Manners should be well-mannered, but not affected."
Proverbs
- Good manners don't cost anything.
- Politeness opens all doors.
- Don't exalt yourself, don't humiliate others.
- A kind word to a person is like rain in a drought.
- Accuracy - the politeness of kings.
- By bowing, the head will not break off.
- A kind word also pleases the cat.
- Good silence is better than bad grumbling.
- Keep your tongue on a string.
Love your neighbor as yourself
The first and most important rule of social behavior is politeness, kindness and consideration for others. This rule never changes.
The source of this rule is the Bible: “thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Knowing how to behave properly is only part of having good manners. Doing them is what matters.
One of the basic principles of modern life is maintaining normal relationships between people. The desire to avoid conflicts. But in life we often have to deal with rudeness, harshness, and disrespect for the personality of another person.
Society has always valued and values modesty and restraint of a person. The ability to control your actions. Communicate carefully and tactfully with other people.
Bad manners are considered habits:
- Speak loudly without mincing words
- Swagger in gestures and behavior
- Sloppiness in clothing
- Rudeness, manifested in outright hostility towards others
- Inability to control your irritation
- Deliberately insulting the dignity of others
- Tactlessness
- Foul language
“Nothing costs us so little or is valued so dearly as politeness.” Every day we interact with a large number of people and politeness will not hurt us. A successful person is polite in any situation.
And if you don't know what good manners are, that's a reason to worry. But no matter how busy or burdened you are, you still need to remember good manners.
Good manners
- Don't be overly curious.
- Give people appropriate compliments.
- Keep your word.
- Keep secrets.
- Don't raise your voice.
- Know how to apologize.
- Don't swear.
- Hold the door for people.
- Answer questions.
- Give thanks for what they do for you.
- Be hospitable.
- Follow the rules of etiquette.
- Don't grab the last piece of cake.
- When saying goodbye to guests, accompany them to the door.
- Be polite, courteous and accommodating.
- Don't jostle in line.
Why good manners are needed (video)
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In the modern world, not knowing the rules of etiquette means spitting against the wind, putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. Unfortunately, many perceive adherence to certain norms and rules of communication as something shameful, considering it a sign of highbrow aesthetes who are completely far from real life. However, these people forget that rude and insensitive behavior can cause the same reaction in return.
In fact, the basics of etiquette are quite simple. This is a culture of speech, basic politeness, a neat appearance and the ability to manage one’s emotions. Both apply to both men and women.
- If you say the phrase: “I invite you” - this means you pay. Another formulation: “Let’s go to a restaurant,” - in this case, everyone pays for themselves, and only if the man himself offers to pay for the woman, can she agree.
- Never don't come visit without calling. If you are visited without warning, you can afford to wear a robe and curlers. One British lady said that when uninvited guests appear, she always puts on shoes, a hat and takes an umbrella. If a person is pleasant to her, she will exclaim: “Oh, how lucky, I just came!” If it’s unpleasant: “Oh, what a pity, I have to leave.”
- You shouldn't ask a girl out on a date through and, even more so, to communicate with her like that.
- Do not place your smartphone on a table in public places. By doing this, you show how important a role your communication device plays in your life and how much you are not interested in the annoying chatter going on around you. At any moment you are ready to leave useless conversations and once again check your Instagram feed, answer an important call or get distracted to find out what fifteen new levels have been released in Angry Birds.
- Man never doesn't carry a woman's bag. And he takes a woman’s coat only to carry it to the locker room.
- Shoes should always be clean.
- If you are walking with someone and your companion greets you with a person, should say hello and you.
- Many people believe that you can only eat with chopsticks. However, this is not entirely correct. Unlike women, men can eat sushi with their hands.
- Don't make idle chatter on the phone. If you need an intimate conversation, it is better to meet with a friend face to face.
- If you are insulted, you should not respond with similar rudeness, and, moreover, raise your voice at the person who insulted you. Don't get down to his level. Smile and politely move away from the ill-mannered interlocutor.
- On the street the man should walk to the left of the lady. Only military personnel can walk on the right and must be ready to perform a military salute.
- Drivers must remember that in cold blood splashing passers-by with mud is a blatant lack of culture.
- A woman may not take off her hat and gloves indoors, but not a hat and mittens.
- Nine things you should keep secret: age, wealth, a gap in the house, prayer, composition of a medicine, love affair, gift, honor and dishonor.
- When you come to the cinema, theater, or concert, you should go to your seats only facing those sitting. The man goes first.
- A man always enters a restaurant first, the main reason is that based on this indicator, the head waiter has the right to draw conclusions about who is the initiator of coming to the establishment and who will pay. If a large company arrives, the person who invited you to the restaurant enters first and pays. But if a doorman meets visitors at the entrance, the man must let the woman through first. Then he finds empty seats.
- Never you should not touch a woman without her desire, take her hand, touch her during a conversation, push her or take her by the arm above the elbow, except when you are helping her get on or off a vehicle, or cross the street.
- If someone calls you impolitely (for example: "Hey, you!"), you should not respond to this call. However, there is no need to lecture or educate others during a short meeting. It is better to teach a lesson in etiquette by example.
- Golden Rule when using perfume - moderation. If in the evening you smell your perfume, know that everyone else has already suffocated.
- A well-mannered man will never allow himself to fail to show his due. respect for a woman.
- In the presence of a woman, a man smokes only with her permission.
- Whoever you are - a director, an academician, an elderly woman or a schoolboy - when entering the room, say hello first.
- Maintain confidentiality of correspondence. Parents should not read letters intended for their children. Spouses should do the same towards each other. Anyone who rummages through the pockets of loved ones in search of notes or letters is acting extremely rudely.
- Don't try to keep up with fashion. It's better to look not fashionable, but good, than bad.
- If after an apology you are forgiven, you should not return to the offensive issue and ask for forgiveness again, just don't repeat these mistakes.
- Laughing too loudly, chatting noisily, staring staring at people is offensive.
- Don't forget to thank your loved ones people, relatives and friends. Their kind deeds and willingness to offer their help are not an obligation, but an expression of feelings worthy of gratitude.
I am very sensitive to the rules of good manners. How to pass a plate. Don't shout from one room to another. Do not open a closed door without knocking. Let the lady go first. The purpose of all these countless simple rules is to make life better. We cannot live in a state of chronic war with our parents - this is stupid. I take great care of my manners. This is not some kind of abstraction. This is a language of mutual respect that everyone understands.
American actor Jack Nicholson