Britain was once famous for its great scientific minds - Newton, Maxwell, Darwin, Rutherford and many other British scientists made an invaluable contribution to the development of world science. But in recent decades the situation has become different - now British scientists glorify Britain with the most useless and curious discoveries, on which, by the way, a lot of money is spent from state budget. This post is about the funny discoveries of British scientists.
British scientists spent no less than 300 thousand pounds to find out that ducks love rain. In particular, it was found that ducks really like to bathe in the shower, since it imitates a natural phenomenon. The research took about three years.
Biologist from University College London Roger Wotton proved that the angels depicted by European artists are not capable of flying. The scientist compared divine creatures with birds and came to the conclusion that their wings did not have the muscle mass capable of lifting a massive body into the sky.
Another discovery made by British scientists could benefit people who fear aliens are scanning their brains from space. Among supporters of this theory, it is believed that a tin foil hat is capable of reflecting alien rays or suppressing their effect. So, scientists have dispelled this myth, warning the inhabitants of the Earth that the cap not only does not save from alien penetration, but also enhances the effect of the rays.
Another amazing discovery has been made University scientists Leeds. This time they didn't get along on our own– they were helped by colleagues from the University of Copenhagen. They concluded that the ant community was prone to corruption and fraud. In particular, ants that are “carriers of the royal gene” can fool their ordinary relatives and even deprive them of the right to offspring. In addition, “royal ants” prefer not to create huge families, because the ordinary people anthill will no longer perceive them as leaders.
British scientists have found out what hair color attracts money. As it turns out, employers pay more to blondes than to brunettes and redheads.
British scientists also came to the conclusion that dinosaurs warmed the Earth with their intestinal gases, so on average in their times the temperature was ten degrees Celsius higher. The brontosaurs showed the greatest zeal.
One of the latest secrets, which UK scientists managed to solve, was the mystery of the rooster’s micropenis. Having devoted a lot of time to this topic, biologists came to the conclusion that the birds had to “shorten” due to the fact that the females did not choose individuals with large size because they fear rape.
To perform complex actions, cats prefer to use their right front paw, and cats prefer to use their left. This conclusion was made in the article of two British biologists, published in Animal Behavior magazine.
A very useful discovery was made by a group of researchers from the universities of Leicester and Exeter: they found that drinking alcohol does not in any way affect the ability of men to estimate the age of girls. To do this, scientists had to go to bars and interview about 240 drinking Britons.
From 2001 to 2006, luminaries of British science conducted a study in which 516 experimental drivers took part. It turned out that the majority of drivers who violate the rules more often than others traffic, are latent homosexuals. The publication of the study results caused a wave of protests among English and Scottish drivers, but the scientists expressed their willingness to prove to everyone that they were irrefutably right.
Top people at the University of Leeds have conducted a study to discover the formula for the perfect bacon sandwich. As many as 50 English test subjects helped scientists in this difficult task, trying various samples of sandwiches. As a result, it turned out that the loudness of the bacon crunch while biting into a sandwich should be 0.5 decibels, and the formula for an ideal sandwich looks like this: N=C+(fb(cm) fb(tc))+fb(Ts)+fc ta. In the above formula, N is the force in Newtons, fb is a function of the type of bacon, fc is a function of the effect of seasonings and fillers. Ts – cooking temperature, tc – cooking time, ta – time to place the seasoning or filler inside. Cm is the cooking method and C is the maximum deformation of an uncooked piece of bacon in Newtons.
“British scientists have proven that the Earth is not round, but black and crunches on the teeth”
"British scientists have opened another box of whiskey"
“British scientists have found that the most popular message on social networks on Thursday is “Tomorrow is Friday!”
You can find an incredible amount of such jokes on the Internet. And they continue to be generated every day, despite the tediousness of the topic. Mainly because British scientists themselves never tire of coming up with new informational reasons suitable for jokes.
For example, they recently learned why the bone in the connective tissue of the penis disappeared in humans during the process of evolution, and they also found out why some pigs are optimists and some are pessimists.
It is not clear what value these works have, what motivates scientists when they undertake stupid research, and why the UK takes the leading place in the number of mentions of such absurd “discoveries”. It is worth considering this phenomenon from the point of view of meme theory. Meme is a unit cultural information transmitted from person to person. The concept was introduced by evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins in his 1976 book The Selfish Gene. “British scientists” is a full-fledged meme, and there are several reasons for its appearance.
Britain and science
The United Kingdom has always been considered the most developed and progressive place on the map of Europe. This is a country rich in both resources and people. In addition, historically it turned out that it was in Great Britain that true science began to rapidly develop. Oxford and Cambridge are the oldest universities in the world, and at the same time the most respected in our days.
The English were Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, James Maxwell, Michael Faraday, Ernest Rutherford, James Joule. This list can be continued until you get tired of talking about scientific discoveries.
IN early XIX century, during the Regency era, London was the intellectual center of the civilized world. Scientists have actively enlightened ordinary people about their discoveries, the spirit of mental revolution was in the air. In 1831 the British Propagation Association scientific knowledge convened the first meeting, at which the main postulate of this organization was adopted - promoting the development of science and working to attract national attention to it. In the same year, the first science festival was held, where scientists from various areas and shared research results with each other and with the public. Science was becoming public. Lectures by leading researchers were always sold out. This gave rise to news stories that were happily picked up by the press.
More than 70 British scientists have received Nobel Prizes. In 2016, they also received a prize in the field of physics with the wording “for theoretical discoveries topological phase transitions and topological phases of matter.” It is natural that in people’s minds science is nationally assigned to the British. This is the first step to understanding the history of the “British scientists” meme.
Crucial moment
When did British science cease to be associated with quality and lose some credibility? This is due to changes in English system education. In the 70s–80s of the 20th century, a reform took place educational institutions, and various colleges received new status and names. At the same time, they began to have the right to conduct research. Even later, the government merged these former colleges, and 30 appeared in the country polytechnic institutes. Their programs were similar to university ones, but the diploma higher education it was impossible to get there. In 1992, they all acquired the status of universities, increasing the number higher institutions doubled in England. The number of young scientists and researchers has increased immeasurably; they have begun to compete for grants and funding.
With such a mass of works, attention was given to those that were more suitable “to the topic of the day”, had novelty and were beneficial to someone. In the 90s, the media was full of headlines about strange scientific research.
IN The Guardian For 1993, you can find the following article: “Cot death risk is lower among babies who do not sleep alone.” In The Independent, 1996: "Male fish are being 'feminised' by river pollution." BBC September 1998: “Passionate sex aids pregnancy.”
It's all about money
To this day, the Government of the United Kingdom, political associations and private organizations fund science very well. Only from the outside European Union the amount of material support for British scientists was about $1.2 billion per year (however, the UK may lose this pleasant tradition with Brexit).
Deliciously crispy pieces of paper in your wallet are in themselves a good incentive for any activity. And if this is also seasoned with the possibility of getting a high score in the citation index scientific articles, then the scientist can no longer dream of anything else, except perhaps the salvation of the world.
This is precisely what was named as the reasons for the appearance of low-quality scientific articles in a recent study by British scientists.
The more citations scientific article in publications with a high impact factor (a numerical indicator of the importance of the journal), the “newer” the research, the higher the chances that this work will receive grants and material support from interested parties.
The researchers who created mathematical model problems of “bad” articles, and suggested ways to improve the situation. First of all, according to them, it is necessary to increase the requirements for statistical samples and procedures for processing results. Some reputable journals have already begun to act in this direction.
Some studies are even commissioned by commercial companies. One day, information appeared in the British press about new job scientists, which dealt with the common myth of the “five-second rule.” This everyday saying states that a product picked up from the floor after five seconds is not considered contaminated with bacteria. Scientists said that this rule is observed, but not on all products. The Daily Mail, where the article was published, later explained that the "research" was sponsored by cleaning product manufacturers. Moreover, the text advised readers to change the “head” of the mop every three months to minimize the risk of infection dangerous bacteria. When they tried to find the authors of the article, it turned out that behind the whole group there is the name of only one person - Katie Les, an employee of the technology laboratory at Manchester City University. It was not possible to contact her.
It is especially convenient to speculate in this way in the field of statistics. This science does not care what subject to take for study. Statistical analysis quite easy to carry out, because it can be assigned to students and get the result coursework written according to all the rules of a scientific article.
Illiterate journalists
When scientists are asked directly why their work looks so stupid, they like to answer this way: journalists are to blame. And it cannot be said that they are wrong. This is the third factor in the appearance of the meme.
The Citizen (1950), “Scientists have found magic in color”
In the 19th century, England was the center of development not only of science, but also of journalism. At this time, interest in the press increased significantly among representatives of various segments of the population. Publishers and journalists targeted the working class, and by mid-century the English press began to become mainstream. Even the first hints of “yellow” publications appeared. For example, in the 60s and 70s, the weekly Vanity Fair magazines were popular, where they published pictures similar to comics and there was a gossip section. And in 1874, the weekly World: A Magazine for Men and Women appeared, offering readers critical material written by “gentlemen and scholars.” Thus, the topic of science, popular due to the unprecedented number of achievements and discoveries, began to be covered in low-quality publications.
The results of many studies are still often misunderstood and misinterpreted. In addition, journalists do not disdain “yellow” headlines and materials in pursuit of traffic.
On the Internet you can find the following text, for example: “In the far corner of the Universe there was a planet where precious stones literally fall from the sky, according to the results of a study by a group of astrophysicists from the University of Warwick (UK).” In fact, the gist of the news was that astronomers using the Kepler telescope had found a planet that may contain clouds of the mineral corundum. Its varieties are ruby and sapphire.
The meme owes its stability to the following reasons: important role Great Britain in the development of science; educational reforms last century; large proportion of English scientific publications V total mass; features of grant policy in the country, as well as orders from commercial organizations; distortion of research results due to lack of understanding by journalists.
For now, British scientists can't escape the stereotypical joke. And we can only wait for the next funny headlines.
The design uses a portrait of the British scientist Isaac Newton by Gottfried Kneller.
“British scientists this...”, “British scientists that...” Oh, these British scientists! IN Lately this phrase is heard only if not in a negative, then in an absurd sense. What kind of nonsense do these people do! Meanwhile, coursework and diplomas of most students are also useless nonsense, but with a pretense of being scientific! Here are the British scientists who calculate and calculate everything, but in reality what comes out is some kind of useless nonsense. We have prepared for you a selection of the most useless discoveries of British scientists. Although why "the most"? It's only the beginning?
British scientists have calculated Batman's speed
When jumping from a 150-meter building, his maximum speed would reach 109 kilometers per hour. But in this case, Batman would fall to the ground at a speed of 80 km/h and crash. “If Batman wanted to survive such a flight, he would definitely need a bigger cape. Although, if he doesn’t want to change his style, he could use jet propulsion to continue soaring,” Reuters quoted one of the authors of the work as saying.
95% of ladybirds in London have sexually transmitted diseases
They found that 9 out of 10 ladybugs suffer from sexually transmitted diseases. This is due to high air pollution in London. To put it simply, these insects feed on aphids, and the best breeding ground for aphids is smog. It turns out that there is more food. Further, the ladybugs themselves darken from the smog and from sunlight heat up better. If we draw an analogy with an engine, the better it is heated, the better it runs :) Likewise with insects, the darker it is, the faster they move and the more they eat. And they reproduce more! Even insects that are related to each other. “After overwintering, they become surprisingly indiscriminate,” Dr. Hurst says. - In fact, the number of sexually transmitted diseases they have is higher than that of all other insects. By the end of May, 80-95% of adult ladybugs have contracted the infection.”
Scientists have calculated the total weight of the world's population - 287 million tons, the heaviest are Americans
The weight of the entire population of the Earth is 287 million tons. The average adult weighs 62 kg, and in the United States this figure is a third higher.
British scientists have found that elephants are the only “all-wheel drive” animals in the world.
Elephants, unlike other four-legged animals, use all four legs for both acceleration and braking. In other four-legged animals, the functions of acceleration and braking are distributed between the front and hind limbs: when accelerating, as a rule, the hind legs/legs receive more load, and when decelerating, the front legs/legs receive more load.
British scientists want to crossbreed a rabbit with a human
Experimental plans were proposed by neurologist Professor Chris Shaw, a specialist in the disease motor neurons from King's College London, and the creator of Dolly the sheep, Professor Ian Wilmat from the University of Edinburgh.
“The fertility of rabbits is proverbial,” Shaw said. “The most important thing is that animal eggs increase our chances of creating stem cells. We have to wait for human eggs, and it will take a decade before we achieve anything. Using animal eggs, we will be able to obtain stem cells in a year or two.”
Women by genetic reasons itch 23% more often than men
Everything is simple here. Women itch more often than men. This depends on the hormones estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. True, scientists only experimented on laboratory mice, but they are sure that the situation is exactly the same with people.
British scientists have found that British scientists are the smartest
In fact, American scientists discovered the most in a year, but the efficiency of the British ones is higher, so they are still in first place. It's no joke, constantly discovering something! :)
British scientists are developing non-sticky chewing gum
Since 2007, scientists have been developing non-stick gum to help utilities. Scientists estimate that London's public utilities spend around £100,000 annually scraping chewing gum from the capital's streets.
British scientists have unearthed the oldest joke in the world
Joke from 1900: “Since time immemorial, there has not been such a thing as a girl farting while sitting on her husband’s lap.”
British scientists believe that furry bumblebees can help catch maniacs
Let's try to explain it simply. In general, bumblebees, like criminals, avoid collecting pollen near their habitat. The first - so as not to inform predators about their nest, the second - so as not to be noticed. Scientists are somehow trying to combine these two factors and, by monitoring the insects, determine the location of the criminal. It's difficult, yes. What did you want? :)
Fish oil is not healthy at all
It's just that British scientists have not found a connection between omega 3 fats found in fish and the incidence of heart disease.
Duck and water interaction
They spent £300,000 on the study! And all they found out is that ducks may prefer rain to open water. Discovery of the century!
Gays are bad drivers
From 2001 to 2006, luminaries of British science conducted a study in which 516 experimental drivers took part. Most drivers who break the rules are latent homosexuals.
Alcohol does not reduce the age of girls
Scientists went to bars, interviewed 240 Britons and found that alcohol does not reduce age. What did they want to know: that women who drink can turn into babies? O_o
Cause overweight
Another discovery of the century. It turns out that the cause of excess weight is largely due to diligent eating. Like that skinny people eat less than overweight people. That's how it is!
Sex is better than masturbation
The orgasm obtained from sex with a partner is much better than from masturbation.
British scientists worked tirelessly so that we could enjoy the results of their work. Top most extraordinary discoveries over the past couple of years.
1. The placement of toilet paper as a reflection of a person’s personal qualities. Note to HR department
About 2,000 men and women took part in this study. Scientists have figured out exactly how people have toilet paper on the holder - with the tear-off end towards you or away from you and compared the results with personal qualities subjects. The results are as follows: those people who placed the paper with the tear-off end towards themselves have leadership qualities. Those who hung the paper with the tear-off end to the wall are more flexible and suitable for performing activities.2. Sex life improves after 80
Researchers conducted a survey among 7,000 people aged 50 to 90 years and found that among those who are still able to have sex, those in the oldest age category are more satisfied. According to the survey, there are fewer of them who do this “out of obligation,” and fewer of those who are dissatisfied with their partner’s sex appeal. In addition, according to the survey results, adults are more quickly aroused and are more emotionally close to their partner.
3. You should not give up your seat to older people on public transport.
To hell with parenting rules! Oxford University professor and Public Health England adviser Sir Muir Gray is serious. He argues that to maintain normal well-being, older people need to be active for at least ten minutes a day. This includes walking, climbing stairs or walking. He warns: "Think twice before giving up your seat on a bus or tram to an elderly person. Riding standing up will be the best exercise for him."He is echoed by Scarlett McNally, an orthopedic surgeon at Eastbourne District General Hospital, who believes that many diseases are associated with a lack of motor activity. “The more we move, the better. The most simple exercises– walking along the corridor and squats by the bed – are available even to patients undergoing inpatient treatment. You just need to want to be healthy a little.” It seems that everything is correct, but forcing your grandmother to stand on the bus is somehow not humane.
4. Playing Tetris reduces libido by 13%
Before going to bed, you should not play Tetris, say British scientists from Plymouth University. As it turned out, this game significantly dulls many desires, including basic ones: a person does not want to eat and, even more funny, drink. Well, where does this fit in!
5. Not such a useless discovery: reading is the best remedy for anxiety, stress and worries
British scientists recognized reading the best remedy from worries, anxiety and stress. The study found that reading reduces stress by 68%. Just six minutes is enough to relax your muscles and normalize your heart rate.6. Cravings for sweets can replace sleep
Now those with a sweet tooth will not have to beat themselves on the wrist, preventing them from touching a piece of their favorite cake. If you want something sweet, go to bed, say British scientists. Researchers at King's College London have found a relationship between sleep duration and adherence to healthy food. Those who sleep a lot try to eat right, they say. Just 21 extra minutes of sleep a day can help you lose a few pounds, says one of the study volunteers. The man went to bed as soon as he wanted something sweet, and over time, his dependence on tasty but unhealthy food decreased noticeably.However, British scientists did not say what to do if the desire to eat a piece of chocolate strikes you at work.
7. Cannibalism was unprofitable for ancient man, so people preferred to hunt wild animals
Hunting a mammoth was more profitable because the hunters immediately received a large carcass, wool, bones - in a word, a lot of useful products, while humans were much less productive. On average, a mammoth carcass provided the tribe with 3,600,000 calories, a woolly rhinoceros - 1,260,000 kcal, and a bison - 979,200 kcal, while a person had only 125,822 calories - and even then, for an average, well-fed man.Therefore, if there were cases of cannibalism in the tribes, they were of a ritual nature.
8. Pigs have their optimists and pessimists.
Pigs can be pessimists or optimists just like people, British scientists from the University of Lincoln have found. The study analyzed the behavior of 36 animals that were offered chocolate or coffee beans in bowls. The third bowl was empty - it was placed between these two.Those pigs that showed interest in an empty bowl were called optimists by British scientists. Researchers are sure that the animals did this in the hope of finding something more attractive in the bowl than coffee beans or chocolate. A bowl of sweet delicacy was chosen by those who are not used to good things and are ready for a bird in the hand instead of a pie in the sky,
9. Beer is liquid medicine
After 18 experiments conducted by scientists from the University of Greenwich in England, it was found that drinking 2 pints of beer (1 English pint - 0.56 l) reduces pain by almost a third, acting as an analgesic. Study leader Dr Trevor Thompson says alcohol can be compared to opioid drugs such as codeine and has a stronger effect than paracetamol. True, it immediately warns about the harm that alcohol can cause to a person.
10. Heading is harmful to the health of football players
Hitting the head with a ball in football is not only inevitable, but common. However, even a few hits are enough for small but important changes to occur in the functioning of a football player’s brain. Scientists from the University of Stirling in Scotland say that after 20 headers, memory function decreases by 41-67%, and it takes at least a day to restore it to its previous level. The scientists' study was published in the journal EBioMedicine.
11. Strategy for winning the game “rock-paper-scissors”
In March 2016, researchers from British University Sussex announced that they now know exactly the strategy for winning the game of rock-paper-scissors. According to the results of statistical data, a study of people's behavior during the game, they said: you can win the only way- without thinking. Those who throw out their fingers at random, without thinking about certain combination, win more often. But even in this case, we should not forget that the chances of winning are one in three.
12. The third one is not superfluous
Scientists from the universities of Nottingham, Bristol and Swansea have calculated the optimal number of sexual partners for future spouses before marriage. It is optimal if there are no more than 3 of them. This average, because British men and women showed different preferences for their partners' sexual activity during the premarital period. Women didn't want to marry a virgin, but they also didn't like it if a man had more than 6 women. Men were not against a virgin, but they had a negative attitude if the future wife had more than 10 partners before marriage.
13. Speed of movement of Santa Claus
Physicist from the University of Exeter Katie Shin explains the ability of Father Christmas to deliver gifts in time by the fact that he moves at a speed of ten million kilometers per hour.No comments.
14. Lying out of habit
In response to the question “how are you,” most people lie, say foundation scientists mental health Britain. At the same time, men lie twice as often as women, and a third of respondents answer the question vaguely. 1/5 considers this question to be a common turn of phrase. And 59% of those who are asked “how are you” are sure that people do not want to know the details and the truth when asking this question.
15. British scientists discovered the reason for the appearance of British scientists
The very term “British scientists” has long been used on the Internet to mean figures who deal with obviously stupid problems that have a very indirect relationship to science. They regularly publish new research results, but only a small number of them have important for science.Experts from the University of Exeter and Bristol decided to find out where these same scientists come from. In our opinion, Russian users knew even without these studies that the reason for these stupid studies was exclusively mercantile - the grant system that works in the country. It is precisely this that encourages “scientists” to give their projects loud names and talk about equally loud results.
An interesting finding: consciously or not, researchers try to adapt their work methods to the methods of evaluation of projects by the foundations that provide grants. Largest quantity money is received by scientists who propose small projects, the names of which contain big words like “innovative”, “newest”. Such projects are poorly tested, and are often simply adjusted to fit the original tasks. The effectiveness of the work of scientists who work on such problems is very low - therefore, most of the grant is wasted. Researchers see a way out in the fact that funds must be directed to maintaining average and major projects, as well as a thorough audit of the results provided.
