Managing Emotions is a necessary skill for every civilized person. Some, faced with the destructive effect of emotions in conflicts, consider them evil, strive to suppress, tightly control them, and even get rid of emotionality altogether. Have they achieved success? No, this path can only lead to neurosis by making emotional reactions inadequate to the real situation. It is correct to accept emotional reactions as integral mental phenomenon, without painting them in negative tones as something inherently bad or harmful.
The importance of the ability to manage emotions is explained by the fact that they are easy to stimulate, emotions have an impact on many processes, both in the personal and interpersonal reality of everyone, they are easily included and activate our behavior patterns. Emotion management is sometimes mistakenly understood as suppression, but this method of processing emotional reactions when abused is not only ineffective, but also extremely harmful.
Managing emotions involves the ability to engage them and give them direction—for example, to inspire oneself and others to take action. And today the question before us is no longer “how to get rid of emotions,” but “how to let go of your emotions.” We have learned to suppress ourselves and have lost the ability of natural self-expression, roughly cutting off reactions instead of competently transforming them, directing them, like a river in a different direction, sublimating them. There are suppressed reactions common reason not only mental problems a person, and also many diseases that are psychosomatically closely related to experiences.
Managing Emotions - Psychology
Absolutely all people need the skill of managing. Emotional reactions are necessary for us to adapt to the world around us, and when we know how to manage our emotions, better things happen, we become happier and more successful. The system of emotional reactions is a complex mechanism, and like any complex mechanism, malfunctions can occur. and unconscious attitudes interfere with the emotional reality and give rise to those around them.
Emotions carry information; the life of any group is filled with them, and this is the ability to understand this information. And yes, emotions can be ignored, but they will not disappear because of this, therefore it is important to learn how to manage them wisely. Various emotional reactions enable us to experience the fullness of life. Remember a busy day in which you had the opportunity to experience the whole gamut of experiences. Surely on this day you were active, had a strong feeling, and participated in many events. And on the contrary, an unemotional day in front of the TV, when in boredom you switched channels and nothing resonated in your soul - made life gray and meaningless, by the evening it came, you didn’t want to do anything.
The more emotions, the brighter life is, and therefore people are constantly in search of positive experiences, they try to saturate their life with them: through communication, films, music, travel, sometimes even extreme actions, and in extreme cases through alcohol or drugs. Emotions also allow you to react not at the moment of incidents, but long before them, and react more complexly. Suppose we violated traffic rules and a traffic police officer took away our license. A month later they were returned, but now every time we go out on the road we are afraid of the traffic police. Sometimes such caution is appropriate, sometimes not - and then the system of emotions needs to be adjusted. Everyone has a personal set of conditions that provides and maintains an appropriate lifestyle, becomes an indispensable assistant in moving towards success, or, on the contrary, regularly leads to defeat.
To control emotional reactions, you need to be open to your emotions and the states of other people, and be ready to accept them. And also be able to influence yourself and others in order to tap into emotional potential. When a person has an emotion, the muscles begin to work. For example, when expecting something important or scary, he literally cannot sit still, walks, constantly touches and twirls something in his hands. Also, emotions are chemically provided by the release of hormones, and the stronger this release, the more powerful the emotion, and the more difficult it becomes to control. However, emotions, even negative ones, are always energy, which, when directed the right direction helps to achieve high results.
How to manage feelings and emotions?
Each person can only withstand a certain level emotional stress. When the load is exceeded, almost anyone begins to behave inappropriately, which manifests itself in others. And a long stay in emotional stress leads to psychosomatic disorders.
Stanislavski, when training young actors, used an interesting technique to illustrate the effect of emotional burden on psychological condition person. He offered to lift the piano to several young people, which was not difficult. However, they had to continue to hold it; after 5 minutes their condition changed. And Stanislavsky asked them, holding the piano, to begin a story about their dream. Needless to say, this story was extremely dry and lacking in substance. And then he suggested lowering the piano, and the actor would open up. Many people keep the same emotional “grand pianos” within themselves, and often even several. Which does not give them a chance to live life to the fullest.
Everyone wants to be happy, and this pushes them to take action, to find ways to enjoy life. A person comes to understand that his happiness depends on his emotional reactions and the ability to change them. Even when faced with negative moments, having mastered control over emotions, everyone can transform their reactions, and as a result, their actions. During time, the individual cannot achieve what he wants, so improving personal psycho-emotional state, increased energy tone help achieve success. Even if it is not possible to change emotions, a person can learn to get out of this state, while controlling himself.
In a team, it is especially valuable to understand the emotions and feelings of friends and colleagues. Any group in society, even a family, periodically enters a state caused by various emotional states, motivation, contrary to the interests of its members. And managing emotions in a conflict provides a chance not only to resolve the dispute that has broken out, but also to eliminate the conflict in its very bud.
How to manage emotions and feelings? Emotional reactions are well managed by those who know emotion management techniques and also have high level, which today is recognized as an important component of success and effectiveness along with mental. To increase this type of intelligence, you need to learn to understand own emotions, distinguish them, monitor their signals in the body, accept them and be able to analyze how reactions affect behavior, be aware of behavioral strategies and choose the appropriate situation. In contact with people, high EQ is manifested in the fact that its owner can be open to them without being open to them, be accommodating and can well distinguish the feelings of others based on external manifestations: body movements, chosen poses, facial expressions, intonations. An emotionally literate person questions the effectiveness of his influence and his ability to openly express his own emotions, and constantly trains in these skills.
If you want to learn how to manage your emotions, or are wondering about your level of emotional literacy, take the test to measure emotional intelligence. Based on its results, you will be able to assess what you need to work on and plan further development each of the components of emotional literacy: self-management, social awareness and relationship management.
Also, to be able to manage emotions, you first need to reduce the level of stress, which takes energy, and with prolonged exposure, depletes nervous system, making changes impossible - there is not enough strength for them. Identify the source of stress and try to cope with it yourself or with the help of a specialist. Simple everyday advice to take things more simply helps to maintain optimism, which contributes to the mental well-being and disposition of other people.
Ways to manage emotions
Ways to manage emotions are revealed in different approaches psychotherapy: humanistic, and others. Moreover, cognitive behavioral psychotherapy is considered the most effective in the short term, which is confirmed by the preference given to it government agencies, Insurance companies.
Pavlov derived and is now actively using the formula emotional response: S → K → R = C, where S is the activating situation, K is the cognitive assessment of the situation, R is the reaction, C is the consequences of the situation. For example, you bought an expensive plane ticket, but were late for it (S) and blame it on the slowness of the taxi driver (K), and therefore feel angry and frustrated (R), as a result, you swear not to take a taxi anymore or are automatically aggressive react to all subsequent trips (C). But what if you find out that the plane crashed? In this case, you will think that it is wonderful that the driver was late (K), and the subsequent emotional reaction (R) will be different, and in connection with it, the consequences of the situation (C). It follows from this that in order to change emotions, you need to control precisely your cognitive assessment of what is happening, that thought that comes with lightning speed before the emotion and is not even always realized, is not revised, but triggers an emotional reaction. Indeed, as in the proverb: “A thought that arrives like a dove rules the world.”
Our deepest beliefs are accompanied by habitual ways of responding - behavioral strategies, and they are the sources of such automatic cognitions - our instant and often unconscious interpretations of what is happening. To change an emotion, you need to analyze the situation and re-interpret it, which will entail a different emotion and, accordingly, a different outcome. For example, you are driving and you get cut off. If you give in to the most common thought in situations on the road, that the other driver is extremely stupid and rude, then the appropriate reaction will be aggression. But the cognitive-behavioral approach suggests not following automatisms, but independently finding an alternative interpretation of the situation so as not to lose your temper: think that that driver may be driving for the first time after training, he had an accident, he is in a hurry to the hospital. Then you are more likely to experience empathy or at least solidarity with him.
In almost all psychological approaches control over thoughts and attitudes is given great attention. To increase your awareness, take a break and think about what caused the unwanted reaction. To do this, fully understand and accept Current state, then try to give an adequate assessment of your reactions, mentally return to the previous state and find a resource reaction, enter the selected state and mentally bring it into the current one. By performing this technique, for example, you will be able to uncontrollable anger move into a calm meta-state, in which you will be able to use the energy of anger for the purpose you choose.
Techniques for increasing awareness are followed in popularity by techniques for managing emotions through the body, since bodily states are closely related to emotions and consciousness.
This approach through the body to begin managing emotions suggests the following exercises: deep breathing, muscle relaxation. Another emotion management exercise can be through imagination or external level: imagine the desired picture, draw the emotion on paper and burn it.
A well-mannered person differs from an ill-mannered person primarily in that he knows how to manage his emotions. Emotions often arise in the wrong place, in the wrong place, at the wrong time or with the right intensity. The usual reaction is not always the most appropriate response; sometimes you can hurt other people with your emotions. When we are overwhelmed with emotions, we think much worse than in calm state. Sometimes you just need to relax, and then there is no need for unnecessary emotions. Developed personality It is useful to be able to manage emotions.
In “Western” culture, it is believed that managing emotions (and feelings in general) is a very complex matter and is given with great difficulty.
It should be added that in a wide variety of cultures it is usually considered difficult to control some channel of perception. North American Indians believe that managing feelings is a piece of cake, but in order to manage images you need complex practices that put you into a very deep trance... This does not remind you of the approach of Europeans, for whom one of the properties of trance - anesthesia - seems like a miracle ?
The fact that in order to manage emotions (and states in general) you need to make some effort - everyone will most likely agree with this. "You can't take a fish out of a pond without difficulty." But how big should this effort be?
Below you will be offered several techniques for working with emotions. They are quite simple, although, naturally, they require the application of “certain effort” - that is, training.
Generally speaking we can call quite easily certain conditions. Remember the state of joy, feel it... So you have access to it. Another thing is that it is very important to get this access the right situation... It’s very easy to be confident at home while lying on the couch... And it would be nice to learn how to maintain this state...
Criteria
- Evoke emotion.
- Call it at will in any context.
- Hold her right time(and not just in and out).
- Getting out of it (for some emotions this is much more important than entering).
- Voluntarily control its intensity (for example, the ability to rejoice weakly, strongly and very strongly).
- Separate one emotion from another.
Well, I guess that's enough.
Deck of emotions
This game is for those who want to practice managing their emotions (however, it can also be used to work with a broader concept - states). Although NLP was used in its creation, this toy is made more in the style of “long training”. But it is very effective and if you play it for 1-2 months, you can easily learn to manage your emotions, and without the help of a deck...
Why does he need emotion control? I think everyone can decide for themselves.
In order to play it, you need to make a “Deck” of 16 cards (at least). You can also add your own eigenstates(here in the text “emotion” and “state” are used as synonyms).
For example:
- Cheerfulness.
- Love.
- Delight.
- Delight.
- Sadness.
- Interest.
- Hatred.
- Detachment.
- Joy.
- Irritation.
- Calm.
- Fear.
- Creative inspiration.
- Confidence.
- Astonishment.
- Humor.
Deck Creation Procedure
1. Cards
Prepare required amount cards made of thick paper (such that you can carry them in your pocket). For example: 6 by 9 cm. Or make them from plain paper and then stick them on playing cards. Whatever is more convenient for you.
2. Scope of application
Select a state (emotion). Determine in what situations this state will be useful to you. (Anger can be useful in sports, but hatred can be useful in a fight on the street).
3. Condition
Try to enter this state as much as possible, to feel it. It is desirable that this state be “pure” - without any admixture of other states. It is also important that it is not tied to a specific situation - like a state “in itself” (although in order to remember it, you can first recall the situation where you had this emotion).
Bring it to the maximum you can.
4. Symbol
At the top of the card, draw a symbol that you associate with this state. It could be something abstract, or maybe some object or person.
5. Name of emotion
Under the symbol, write (or rather, even draw) the “name” of this state: sadness, pity, humor...
6. List of words
Under the title, write a list of 6-8 words with which you can describe this state: warm, relaxed, bright, run...
7. Deck
Repeat steps 2-6 for all conditions. If necessary, make and add new cards you need to the deck.
Working with the deck
This is how they work with the deck. You shuffle it and pull out cards in random order. This can be done anywhere and at any time, provided that you can concentrate on the game there and it will not harm you in any way (for example, playing while crossing the street is strongly discouraged, and when talking with your boss, it is simply not recommended): in metro or bus, during a break, at home...
1. Status pinning
First, your task is to pull out a card from the deck and look at it to “help” yourself enter this state as much as possible. Usually, doing this 3-5 times is enough to secure it.
2. State hold
After you learn to enter a state, your task is to learn to maintain this state (at first, you can hold the card in front of your eyes for a while). Determine a time interval for yourself (for example, 3 minutes) and train to maintain the state throughout this time. After it starts to work out well, add another minute, then another... (You can do this - add a minute every 3-4 days). The maximum up to which this workout makes sense is 15 minutes. (You can make the job more difficult - try holding required states in real “difficult” situations).
3. Awareness
After you have learned to hold the state well enough (or simultaneously with this training), try to determine the nuances of this emotion - what are the characteristic sensations, what are the submodal shifts in the visual and auditory channels.
4. Level control
Learn not only to induce a state, but also to set its “level”, its intensity. You can create a scale for yourself (for example, from 0 to 10 in intensity) and “chase” yourself along it. To do this, you can even make yourself a second deck with numbers from 0 to 10 and pull out 2 cards: the emotion and its intensity.
5. Transition speed
Practice the speed of transition from one state to another. That is: you pulled out a card, entered the state as much as possible, pull out another card and go to a new state. In this workout it is important to achieve maximum speed transition from the maximum of one state to the maximum of another. You can even measure the time (in this case, the time is calculated from “peak to peak”).
6. Mental image
After a while, you will find that in order to enter the state, you just need to remember the image of the card. Naturally, this can be practiced: you do the same as in point 1 (“consolidating the state”), but you draw the card mentally...
7. Field training
After you have learned how to enter and maintain states mentally, begin to train the transition from state to state in real situations, not only in “neutral” ones, but also in “difficult” ones.
Map of emotions
This exercise serves to ensure that you internally decide what kind of experiences you have for different words tied and give a certain “coordinate system”.
This does not mean that any emotion can be divided into these two coordinates - emotion is a much more complex thing. But usually control over these two parameters is enough to manage the state.
You are asked to decide for each emotion (from the list that you make - only 7-10 pieces)
1. Intensity
This is, as it were, the “power of experience,” its intensity. Sadness is usually less intense than grief, and admiration is stronger than calm. Let the scale be from 0 to 10 (just for convenience and out of habit). One possible synonym is the level of arousal ("Adrenaline Barometer").
2. Sign
The level of “pleasantness” and “unpleasantness” of the experience. Or more official language- “comfort” and discomfort.” Emotions can be approximately the same intensity, but one will be unpleasant, the second neutral, the third comfortable.
The sign can also be measured in points: for example, from -5 to +5 (or from -10 to +10). Choose a suitable scale for yourself.
Please note that an emotion is not a point in these coordinates, but a region: we use the same word to describe a whole bunch of states. And I hope that with a little practice you will begin to notice the nuances and understand that such a two-dimensional representation is too poor for describing human feelings.
So, take a piece of paper, draw coordinate axes on it and label the “areas” of emotions (note that some areas may overlap each other). You can also choose a color and font for each.
Description of emotions
Describe 7-8 emotions in terms of sensations (more specifically in terms of kinesthetic submodalities). Preferably different sign and intensity. For example:
sadness: slight vibration in the face and shoulders, relaxation in the shoulders and arms, warmth in the solar plexus, slight burning in the eye area.
calmness: a pulling sensation in the back of the head, relaxation in the abdominal area, warmth on the outside of the thighs...
Try to be as precise as possible and note even faint sensations. Note if the sensations “move”: very often they originate in one area, then seem to “flow” to another, where we usually notice them.
Critical submodalities
1. For intensity
That is, which submodality determines the intensity of the experience. Often this is the “strength” of the sensation: the colder it is, the more intense the experience; sometimes there is a place: the higher, the stronger; sometimes size: than large area The feeling is captivating, the more intense it is...
2. For the sign
Literally, with the help of what sensation do you determine that this experience is pleasant and that one is uncomfortable? We must decide how to do this for ourselves.
There is much more here different options, for example: warm sensations are “+” and cold sensations are “-”; if above the solar plexus, then “+” and below - “-”; sensations that spread from the center are pleasant, and those that “shrink” are unpleasant, etc.
Note that there will most likely be only one submodality for each criterion and they will apply to almost all experiences.
Question of interest?
What happens to emotions if they change sign (without changing intensity)? That is, is there for them axial symmetry(relative to the intensity axis)?
Training
Once you have identified the critical submodalities for intensity and sign, begin training to control them.
1. List of emotions
Create a list of emotions that you want to work with. Please note that managing unpleasant emotions is also worth training, if only in order to learn how to get out of them. For starters, 7-9 is enough.
2. Management
Take emotions one at a time and change the intensity of the experience (up to the boundaries of the area).
Similarly for the sign: bring it to the maximum, then to the minimum (within the boundaries of the area). 3-4 times for each emotion.
3. Change of sign
Practice changing the sign of an emotion without changing the intensity. 3-4 times for each emotion.
4. Exit
Evoke the emotion, and reduce the intensity to 0.5-7 times for each emotion.
Same for the sign.
5. State Hold
Hold required level intensity for a certain specified time. Start with 3-5 minutes and work your way up to 15.
Same for the sign.
6. On-site training
Start training how to manage your emotions in a specific situation. Try to perform all the previous exercises in real “difficult” situations.
Ecology of life. Psychology: Remember, have you ever met people who fill any space wherever they appear? People who charge you with their energy.
Remember, have you ever met people who fill any space wherever they appear? People who charge you with their energy. At one glance, one gets the impression that they are not familiar with such phenomena as “problems at work” or “troubles in their personal life.”
Then you remember that next to them the world is seen from a different angle. Miraculously, you begin to appreciate life situations With different sides, without fitting it to the standard criteria of “good-bad” or “white-black”.
"What's the secret?" – you probably wondered.
Maybe they don’t let in the negativity that none of us are immune from? Maybe they just have some other kind of magical life? Or do they know something that you have no idea about?
Secret knowledge really exists. And it's called " emotional intellect".
What it is?
Let's immediately discard several options. This is not suppression of emotions, because this process cannot be called reasonable - sooner or later, suppressed emotions will manifest themselves in the form of illnesses and nervous breakdowns.
EQ is not ignoring emotions. This is another road to nowhere because it reduces the quality of life. Each of us came into this world to experience it in all its manifestations. Ignoring emotions is like having lungs but not breathing them.
The most understandable definition of “Emotional Intelligence” is the ability to manage one’s emotions.. Even more precise is the ability to create the mood that you need.
Well-developed emotional intelligence means freedom from the emotions of loved ones, colleagues, acquaintances and others around you. random people. No matter what happens around you, you have your own mood. The problems of the world do not seem to invade your inner world.
But such immunity is not available to everyone. Usually, on the contrary, we are too exposed to the influence of the world. This means that the level of development of our emotional intelligence is far from desired.
Each of us has heard the phrase “think carefully before you accept” important decision"But how many of us have heard “feel right”? The formation of the EQ of most people begins with early childhood.
Growing up, we encountered different situations. Looking at our parents and the people around us, we learned how to behave correctly. They looked at how their immediate and distant surroundings reacted to them, and sincerely considered this model to be the only correct one. Step by step, and by the age of ten we had mastered the basic skills of emotional response. And entering adult life, continued to behave exactly like our parents, neighbors or friends.
Usually we received this knowledge unconsciously. Please note: at school, cheating was strictly prohibited, but “copying off” other people’s emotions was considered the norm. Wise adults even called this process “experience.” In fact, from an emotional intelligence perspective, this process is deeply unconscious. Just like during a math test, “copying off” other people’s emotions does not lead to development. It suggests that a person’s emotional reactions are not conscious and controlled.
This, in turn, is a sign that emotional intelligence is not evolving. Simply put, you live “like everyone else”, “stably” mark time in one place, do not develop, chewing grievances for a long time days gone by. Your mind and your heart, as the artists say, are working “at full speed.” Due to constant negativity, illnesses and self-dislike come into your life.
Those children who are fortunate enough to grow up surrounded by people with higher EQs behave differently. From early childhood, they were taught to bring positivity into their lives and find beauty in every moment.
If you were not lucky enough to grow up in such a family, do not despair. Emotional intelligence can be effectively developed at any age.
The first step towards raising him is the skill of transforming negative into positive. It is known that poison in small doses is medicine. Yes and negative emotions can become not a basis for self-flagellation, but an impetus for activation thought process and launching new neural connections in the brain. Bringing positivity into your life helps maintain healthy mind V healthy body, and strengthens your health better than any medicine.
Over time, the skill of managing emotional intelligence can completely eliminate negative emotions from your life. You will learn to convert them into energy for your development, recognize them at the stage of formation and transform them into a positive resource.
Often, simultaneously with the development of emotional intelligence, a person is cured of serious illnesses, moving up the career ladder or achieving a life goal. This means mastering EQ is incredibly profitable. Indeed, in recent decades, most of the diseases from which humanity suffers are caused precisely by an imbalance of emotions.
Therefore, emotional intelligence is not just another trendy concept that has nothing behind it. This is your chance to save your mental and physical health. Raise your EQ and you will become a role model in your royal equanimity and ability to ride out any stress.