"Find yourself without searching" .
Hi dear
I often write and speak about purpose and how to find yourself. I get a lot positive feedback and thanks about ours and about . But once I received a letter that I constantly remember.
One beautiful girl wrote that she could not answer 90% of the questions in the workbook. And this is not a test of knowledge in trigonometry, this is a way to remember what I like, what I love, how it feels to be myself.
Therefore, a great solution would be to study your body. How? For example like this:
- Yoga. It’s just important to choose a good instructor. I wrote how to do this. A good instructor will always teach you how to feel how during an asana some muscles are completely relaxed, others tense, and some stretch.
- If yoga is not suitable for some reason, you can choose Pilates or stretching. Slow training, when it is important not to rush, but to carefully monitor yourself, stretch, work with your boundaries, breathe in the place where the pain awakens, let go of this pain on a slow exhalation.
- Everyday attention to the body. You don't have to go to the gym to learn to understand yourself. Better yet, combine these points. Just constantly pay attention to your body throughout the day: you may feel a tightness or pain somewhere, coldness in your feet or heat in your cheeks. Where are the sensations? Do you like them or not so much? If not, what can you do to make you feel more comfortable: wear warm socks, drink hot tea, stretch, or just lie down for 5 minutes? Every day. Constantly.
WHAT WRITING PRACTICES CAN HELP:
Target writing practices is also aimed at remembering who I am, through understanding what I like and what I don’t, what I’m experiencing now and whether I want to prolong it.
Buy a beautiful notebook and start writing in it every day. For example, you can write down answers to such seemingly simple questions:
- What ?;
- the most beautiful and kind thought of the day;
- three things that lifted my spirits;
- That's what got on my nerves;
- three things that made me nervous today;
- how satisfied I am with life;
- what color is my mood?
I can also offer several ready-made results:
The topic of this post is not at all simple. And what is described above are the conclusions that I was able to draw on my path of development and understanding of myself. Although I believe there is much more to come, and over time I will be able to write another post with new insights and recommendations.
And of course I really want to receive feedback from you to better understand this interesting question. Do you understand yourself and your desires? What helps you stay connected with yourself?
I will be glad if the post was useful. If so, share it on social networks;)
I wish each of us to feel strong inner rod who will not allow himself to be cheated on.
With wishes of happiness,
This post is one of the most popular. What can I say, this is the most frequently asked question I'm having consultations. More than 50 thousand read the post, and how many of these thousands began to do and change something?
I know that sometimes we need someone to lend a helping hand, or better yet, to hug and support us on our journey to ourselves. This is why I created a marathon "Find yourself without searching" the second stream of which starts on February 25, 2019. Read more about it.
And if you want to always stay in touch, subscribe to updates in or at. I will be very glad to our close communication;)
You might also want to read
If you have ever been interested in the topic of making your desires come true, then you probably already know that the bulk of trainings, various tips and methods are focused on a ready-made clear picture. It assumes that you know very well what you want.
But what to do if the desire is still too vague, “not ripe”, you don’t want to give it up, but there is no clarity? Don't worry if you imagine a direction but don't see it final result, this is not a reason to give up your path. Nature itself is ready to take care of you and bring clarity to your thoughts.
Let's look at how this can happen, at simple example. Imagine that you are going to a store with the intention of buying yourself a new thing. Until you have no idea what exactly you want, and you spend a lot of time among a variety of things, looking at price tags, trying on something, or just walking among colorful shop windows. There is no clarity. Finally, your strength leaves you, and you leave with nothing.
Before going to sleep, you close your eyes, and the racks of clothes, the things you tried on or just lightly touched, again float before your mind’s eye. Now you mentally apply a variety of styles to yourself, one thing replaces another, your thoughts flow smoothly, slowly, you imagine yourself in a variety of outfits, nothing limits you. And suddenly…
Stop! Here it is! Yours! You recognized him. So that's what you want! Everything is clear and understandable. The dream vanished as if by chance. Joyful excitement appeared inside. It would be morning soon! Yes! I want it! How did you understand this? What told you? Of course, this is your wise and caring unconscious. As soon as you relaxed, let go of your thoughts, it immediately came to your aid. While the conscious mind is asleep, the unconscious can suggest the best solution.
With willpower and reason, you can only find a rational, practical option, but it will not bring you the expected joy. Returning to our example, you can imagine the consequences of a purely “reasonable approach”.
Many women have at least once encountered a situation where their conscious arguments ultimately turned into disappointment and the question “why did I buy this?” It all starts with the thought “I have nothing to wear, I need to buy something”, in the fitting room she struggles with doubts: “it seems okay, but... the price” or “it seems so-so, but at least the price”, “where can you find better ", "Nothing, I'll trim it, shorten it."
Finally the purchase is “forced”! Goal achieved! You bring home the purchased item. No strength, depressed mood. Something inside is resisting. You put on your new thing and immediately realize: the style is not the same, the color is not yours, the price is not at all pleasing, and in general it is not at all what you wanted. Imagine what the consequences could be if you were buying a house or planning to move.
Therefore, when making decisions, making choices, determining desires, it is necessary to take into account not only conscious arguments, but also consult your intuition. You will not deceive yourself, your body. Yours true desires They will always find a way to get out. Your task is to hear and accept this signal.
By the way, if we are already talking about shopping, then you can do a little research right now and find out how strong your connection with the unconscious is. Remember how many things you bought, and then realized that you didn’t want to wear or use them. The more “unnecessary things” accumulate in your home, the weaker your relationship with intuition. However, this applies not only to shopping, in this way you can evaluate any area of your life.
But, as mentioned above, clues from the unconscious most often come chaotically, before bed or during a light daytime nap. This is not entirely convenient, especially when you need to get an answer to a “burning question”. To make communication with the unconscious more manageable and predictable, there are special techniques.
Of course, to get more effective result skills required. But don’t deny yourself the opportunity to learn a little more about this world; remember, academics also once couldn’t read. You can learn everything, feel free to take your first step. This technique is based on visualization and assumes the presence of at least primary skills in entering a trance. If you don’t know them yet, be sure to find an opportunity to learn, but for now...
1. Decide on the question. What desire would you like to clarify for yourself? Don't know what you want?
2. Relax, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and exhale. Leave the bustle, worries and problems in the outside world.
3. Determine starting point. You will build on it. Provide a rough image of what you want. If you are looking for where to go on vacation, then imagine a city or area; If you want to buy a thing, then without any effort on yourself, just let the first thought come and leave this image as the starting point.
4. Allow the image to “spin”, transform, flow from one to another. Your eyes will still be closed. Dream. There is no need to make any conscious effort; let your images and thoughts flow at their own pace.
5. Wait until some of the flow of images stabilizes and stops changing. You will have a desire to slow down, a feeling of joy and confidence will appear that this is really “it”. A warm wave can run through your body. You will feel emotional uplift, delight, inspiration. Please contact Special attention to bodily reactions. If even the slightest doubt arises, you feel tension, then don’t stop, continue to follow the flow of images. When you find “yours”, you will have no doubts, you will bathe in positive emotions.
6. Having received the answer, thank yourself and the unconscious for your help and support. This will help you strengthen your future relationship with your inner self and will promote to receive it as soon as possible communication skills.
Over time, with regular training, you will learn to easily understand your unconscious and will receive answers much faster and more accurately, and sometimes right in the process of action related to your intention. Some of the answers may surprise you.
But keep in mind that the unconscious is guided not only by your desires, but also has access to information that is not available to most people. His answer will be dictated, first of all, by the desire for your well-being, even if it seems to you that this is not exactly what you expected. Learn to trust yourself, and you will have the opportunity to live a happy and joyful life around the clock!
Hello, I have a very low self-esteem And high level anxiety. In this regard, I don’t know what I really want. I take on one thing, quit, start a new one, and never come to the same decision. Please tell me how you can understand what you want?
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
It is advisable for you to check the level of maturity of your personality using the test If general indicator will be less than 40 percent or if the indicators on individual scales are less than 40 percent - this is a neurotic level of personality development. It would be advisable for you to be tested for the presence of neurosis (cognitive impairment).
Please read the articles on our website dedicated to and. Please note that a high level of anxiety, coupled with low self-esteem, is very typical for the anxious-phobic type of neurosis.
Neurosis is a cognitive impairment
You take on one thing, then quit it and start a new one, because you have a pathological driver “don’t finish it to the end.” This driver is your unfavorable psychological legacy received from your parents or other persons who took part in your upbringing. The bottom line is that your parents gave you the wrong guidelines (advice) for life, did not teach you to think logically, did not teach you to react correctly emotionally and achieve goals. We can say that you were taught how to correctly act out the loser scenario (degrees 1, 2, 3 - remains to be seen), but you were not taught how to build your life effectively. Your problem may be the lack of basic psychological skills necessary to build a harmonious life.
Perhaps you were not taught to plan your life systematically. Perhaps your dreams, intentions and actions are very different. Perhaps your emotional-volitional activity is very low, and it is simply very difficult for you to act when necessary, and not when you are overwhelmed by emotions. When a person follows ridiculous and contradictory advice in life, thinks with errors of logic, reacts pathologically emotional patterns, does not have basic psychological skills for life - this is cognitive impairment(neurosis). That is, a person is biologically healthy, but he has not been taught how to build his life correctly. He doesn’t even realize that thinking, feeling and acting like this, as he is used to, is not good.
You could be taught how to be comfortable and a good girl
A problem like “I don’t know how to figure out what I want” is neurotic problem. This kind of difficulty arises in a person who has been taught to be obedient, to please, to do everything for the sake of praise and approval. “Good girl” or “good boy” syndrome.
The habit of refusing to be aware of one's desires and catering to the desires of other people for the sake of praise gradually develops into such a character trait as conformism (adaptability). We can say that this is a state when you give up your real self, your goals, your desires, your calling, so that the other person (parent) does not get upset or angry. And in order to realize your desires, you will have to do a lot of work, learn to realize your real self.
In order to learn to understand what you really want, it is advisable to become yourself.
This means increasing the level of development of your personality according to the parameter. Get rid of codependency and learn to distinguish your own motives from the motives of other people. Learn to distinguish your genuine emotions from insincere emotions that are shown on the face out of fear of not getting approval or out of fear of “What will other people think of me?” Then learn to distinguish your thoughts and beliefs from the thoughts and beliefs of other people in order to be protected from various kinds manipulation. This is a long systematic work on psychological training, which will take you several years. There are too many gaps to fill, too many topics to learn, and too many skills to develop.
If you increase your level of personality development to at least 60 percent, you will no longer have the problems you complain about. Both fearfulness (anxiety) and low ability to take active action will pass.
Think of psychotherapy as a psychological gym you go to to improve your personal skills.
If you consistently work through negative child-parent programs, codependency, self-esteem, personal boundaries, emotion management skills, communication skills and communication skills system planning lifestyle - you will know exactly what you want to do in this life. Moreover, you will become able to actively act towards your goals. At a neurotic level of personality development, it is very difficult to understand one’s true desires, due to the persistent habit of doing everything for approval and out of fear of being scolded.
Victoria Pekarskaya, psychologist, gestalt therapist: Do you realize that in your extreme point Is this condition fatal?
When a child feels some kind of vital important need(in food, attention, care, love, etc.), which he is unable to satisfy on his own, he calls for help.
The baby cries to attract the mother's attention, expecting her to come and give him what he needs. If the mother does not come (or does the wrong thing), the child will feel the need becoming more and more acute, and will cry and scream more: the need itself will not disappear. If you ignore his need for food and care, the child simply will not survive. The results of the need for love are not so obvious, because they do not kill immediately.
The need for love is the most strong need person. And if no one comes to the child, he, of course, will stop screaming and crying, but not because the need has miraculously disappeared, but from exhaustion. The child is powerless and desperate, he suffers a lot, and the understanding comes to him that this need of his can never be satisfied by anyone or anything.
He begins to look for the source of suffering, and finds: it is his own desires, and the more he wants, the more he will suffer.
This is how the path of “getting rid of desires” begins.
He learns to forget about his feelings and needs in order to distract himself from pain and dissatisfaction, the child will study diligently (these are children with early achievements, early intellectual success, already at 2-3-4 years old they begin to read and count). He is prone to self-accusation. The conviction “I’m not like that”, “I’m not good enough” is fueled by the inability to direct my anger to my mother for what, for example, she left in the nursery and left. In essence, he directs the anger addressed to his mother towards himself. “She didn’t leave because she was bad (mom can’t be bad), she left because I’m bad and don’t deserve love.” He very early learns to justify (“understand”) others: “she left because she needs to earn money, and I have no right to demand that she be with me.”
And then in adulthood we have:
1. “I don’t know what I want.” “I want you to tell me what I want.” Inability to spend money and other resources on yourself. Belief in one's own unworthiness better conditions, best clothes, better work. Lots of altruism, a desire to take care of others. (A person unknowingly does to others what he himself needs).
2. “I don’t know how I feel.” I forgot how to do it a long time ago... They are not so sensitive that they are constantly overworked and overworked to the point of exhaustion.
3. “I do not have the right to ask, demand, or even want something from other people, especially from those who are valuable to me.” (“I even know why they won’t give it to me: they have their own affairs and interests, they have no time for me.”) “Nobody needs me”, “Nobody loves me.” (This is simply impossible to believe).
4. The strongest fear of being rejected, hence - at the same time - a demonstration of independence (as compensatory behavior) and selfless clinging to a person. This is how the fear of repeating the early childhood rejection, “non-acceptance”, “non-love”.
5. “I’m not angry with anyone, I’m kind.” “If something goes wrong, it’s my own fault.” Fear of presenting negative feelings. Self-recrimination and mass negative beliefs about myself. And underneath all this is fear of feelings, fear of anger, and a lot of despair; the strongest struggle between the impulses of love and hate.
This is a character description depressed person. Its 2 main problems:
1. Chronic lack of satisfaction of needs
2. The inability to direct your anger outward, restraining it, and with it restraining all warm feelings
These problems make him more and more desperate every year, no matter what he does, it doesn’t get better, on the contrary, it only gets worse. The reason is that he does a lot, but not that.
If nothing is done, then, over time, either he will “burn out at work,” loading himself more and more until he is completely exhausted; or his own self will be emptied and impoverished, unbearable self-hatred will appear, a refusal to take care of oneself, and in the future, even self-hygiene. A person becomes like a house from which the bailiffs have removed the furniture. Against the background of hopelessness, despair and exhaustion, there is no strength or energy even for thinking. Complete loss of the ability to love.
He wants to live, but begins to die: sleep is disturbed, metabolism is disturbed... It is difficult to understand what he lacks precisely because we are not talking about deprivation of possession of someone or something. On the contrary, he has having deprivation, and he is not able to understand what he is missing. His own self turns out to be lost. He feels unbearably painful and empty: and he cannot even put it into words.
This - neurotic depression(Antidepressant treatment is required if clinical depression, When main factor- biological, not psychological).
All this can be prevented and not brought to such a result.
If you recognize yourself in the description and want to change something, you urgently need to learn two things:
1. Learn the following text by heart and repeat it all the time until you learn to use the results of these new beliefs:
I have a right to needs. I am, and I am I.
I have the right to need and satisfy needs...
I have the right to ask for satisfaction, I have the right to achieve what I need...
I have the right to crave love and love others...
I have the right to a decent organization of life...
I have the right to express dissatisfaction...
I have the right to regret and sympathy...
...by right of birth.
I may get rejected. I may be alone.
I'll take care of myself anyway.
- I would like to draw the attention of my readers to the fact that the task of “learning a text” is not an end in itself. Autotraining on its own will not give any lasting results. It is important to live, feel, and find confirmation of it in life. It is important that a person wants to believe that the world can be arranged somehow differently, and not just the way he is used to imagining it. That how he lives this life depends on himself, on his ideas about the world and about himself in this world. And these phrases are just a reason for thought, reflection and search for your own, new “truths”.
2. Learn to direct aggression towards the person to whom it is actually addressed...
…then it will be possible to experience and express to people and warm feelings. Realize that anger is not destructive and can be expressed.
How to notice early signs depression in others.
If you think that a person with a depressive personality looks sad, or whines and complains all the time, then this is not the case. Often (especially in at a young age) is a very sweet, sympathetic, sociable and charming person. He rarely gets offended, he is happy with everything. He will easily find how to justify the unseemly actions of other people.
True criterion simple: if he is close to you, you will never hear from him direct demands for love and attention, demands to stay if you leave, demands to change your plans if you want something not what he expected. From your sincere declarations of love, he will either run away (devalue, not notice, ignore, slyly reject), or cry if he can’t escape. Because it’s very painful to understand how much he needs love, which has been missing for so long. How long has the world “owed” him love...
I don't know what I want, but I have the right to know how to become happy man! This is not “getting mad” and not a neurotic problem, as they say in smart books. What if I don’t know my desires? How to find out your desires? These and other questions will be covered in this article...
“I want some FAQ, but I don’t know what FAQ!..
The floors haven’t been swept!.. Should I shake the rug?”
- What's wrong with him?
- And this is our Kuzenka, who is going crazy.
This happens to everyone when there are no problems.
- We need to look at people
they have a lot of problems, and help someone.
What should those who don’t know what to fill themselves with and take the wrong path do? Who doesn’t know how to become that same person living in joy and happiness? How to find out your desires? These and other questions will be covered in this article.
Mistakes when searching for your desires, or I don’t know what I want in life
Finding answers to pressing questions about what to do with your life and how to find something you like sometimes takes half your life. Often this path to yourself is paved with a series of obstacles and mistakes. And it happens that these moments plunge a person into an unpleasant state: you want to be sad, then whine and complain, and sometimes diagnosing everything is pointless.
How does this happen?
She wants to become a music teacher, but her father dissuades her, arguing that it is not prestigious and unprofitable.
- What to live on? Who needs your intelligentsia? And how can one live on the pittance that a representative of the intelligentsia receives? Daughter, be practical! The world is material! You can’t earn money for an apartment in Moscow, nor for the “goodies” that a wealthy life gives. So get this nonsense out of your head! Do you want my business partners to think that I’m poor and can’t educate my daughter in a prestigious place? It's decided. You will enter the Faculty of Business and Management.
“Why is that so? Why isn’t he interested!” - she sighs quietly. However, being an exemplary and obedient daughter, she, swallowing tears, cancels herself for the umpteenth time, following the desires of others. But how can you do otherwise if such important people in your life don’t hear you?
As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan describes, people with the anal-visual ligament tend to make such mistakes in the process of searching for their purpose. People are very diligent, diligent, obedient, medal winners and class leaders. And it gives a person the highest emotional amplitude. These are people who have sparkle, love, joy, warmth in their eyes. These people are drawn to people. They create emotional connections with them: with a grandmother, a child, a man. These are magnet people to whom everyone is drawn.
The combination of both vectors gives us a golden child! He has been obedient since childhood and strives to do everything impeccably. The little owner of the anal vector really needs the praise of his parents. “I did everything very well, and mommy praised me.”- this is a pleasure for a child. Sometimes these qualities are an object of manipulation for parents. “Do this, otherwise I won’t love you”, "If you don't do this, you bad girl, you'll upset mom."
Such manipulation can form a good girl (boy) complex in a child, which will influence the rest of his life. Instead of realizing your natural talents, such a person will do everything to “not upset”, “not to offend”, in order to remain “loved and good”.
Let's look at another example
"Take risks!" - wives shout to their husbands
The wife drives her husband to the success training “How to Make a Million”, and he goes. Sits, writes down word for word exactly, line after line money quadrant Robert Kiyosaki. He tries to study perfectly, as always.
He promised his wife this month on new job get settled. But just recently he was a furniture maker - a master with golden hands. His wife insisted on his leaving there. “Stop hunching over pennies! - she said. - You have such potential! Tomorrow you will go to training. I even bought you a place. Go listen. That's where the real money can be made."
The man sighs. He is unhappy: I myself don’t know what I want, but my wife knows. Does the wife know her husband’s desire or does she push him where she likes it?
What to do if you don't know what you want from life
Systematically considering both of the above examples from the life of a person with anal vector, you can find out - a person does not know himself. And our parents, loved ones, people around us look at the world through themselves. They evaluate it according to their value system. To avoid having to complain later, accumulate resentment, get stuck in the past, or follow other people’s desires, you need to get to know your true self.
Ask yourself, what is my joy? After all, I have the right to know. What do I want in life? What business should you dedicate yourself to? You can find answers to these and other questions, you just need to risk looking into the depths. To know your psyche, what lives as a person, and find the inner answer. It is very useful to sometimes play why - this is not a question for a psychologist, it is orders of magnitude more productive. Understanding mental properties- what talents are given to a person, what he is predisposed to - makes his life better, more interesting, fuller. A person gains the ability to realize himself to the maximum. A person becomes more confident in making decisions, and no one is able to lead him away from the right path that is suitable for him.
This is the case with a wife who, through the prism of her properties, drove her husband into business, but he cannot enjoy it. The properties are different. People with anal vector are not businessmen. Something else makes them happy - this the best masters, teachers, husbands with golden hands, the most faithful and devoted. Or a girl who dreamed of becoming a music teacher - while studying family business, it is unlikely that she will experience pleasure. After all, her talents will remain unrealized.
Understanding your properties allows you to find something that makes you happy.
What to do to start wanting something
And it happens like this. He is such a mysterious silent man... his gaze directed into infinity. Such depth! He is concerned with the following questions: "What is a sense of life? What's behind all this? Where does everything come from and where does it go? Who controls it all? There must be an answer! Otherwise, what is all this for?
“Sometimes it seems that I don’t know what I want from life, because I’ve tried everything that is in this world and I’m not interested in it. Yachts, villas, family, love, sex. These are all some stupid desires. I don’t know what I want..." Someone is beating out a false melody with a hammer in your head, and it seems there is no escape. The hell in which the body is forced to be. The body that holds him in a vice on this Earth and still holds him... Sleep helps him to forget for a short time.
All day long he can lie facing the wall, so that no one touches or talks to him... They just left him alone with himself, where no one bothers him to immerse himself in himself and his thoughts. Finally you can think!
It is unbearable to live and not find an answer to the question - what am I living for? What is a sense of life? Is there even the slightest sense in my forced stay here?
Speakers say - I don’t know what I want, I don’t want anything - because their desires are outside material assets. They are aimed at understanding the metaphysical world, which cannot be felt or touched. But it is possible to know, to reveal. After all, sound artists, without realizing it themselves, want to expand their consciousness, where there are no time and spatial boundaries. They want to know the controlling force, the creator, God. What laws of nature rule over everyone. Even the question is - what exactly do I want? - they have a completely different order, the abstract intellect longs to receive what is hidden in the unconscious. In order to satisfy his mental hunger, the sound artist goes from one “teaching” to another, trying to reveal the meaning of life.
It is given to a person with a sound vector to find answers in the process of cognition. But the answers lie not within himself, but in all people connected by invisible threads of the common eight-dimensional matrix of the psyche.
How to change your life
According to system-vector psychology, each person is a whole palette of desires. Our thoughts serve our very “I WANT”, which comes from the unconscious. It lives with us and rules the show.
The task of each of us- realize your innate desires. The more we are able to understand ourselves, our desires and take action correct actions to fill them, the brighter and more joyful our life. After the training System-vector psychology thousands of people report.
We invite you on a date with yourself. Get to know your own Self and find out, filling each day with meaning. “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.
Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»