If you have ever been interested in the topic of making your desires come true, then you probably already know that the bulk of trainings, various tips and methods are focused on a ready-made clear picture. It assumes that you know very well what you want.
But what to do if the desire is still too vague, “not ripe”, you don’t want to give it up, but there is no clarity? Don't worry, if you envision a direction but don't see the end result, that's no reason to give up on your path. Nature itself is ready to take care of you and bring clarity to your thoughts.
Let's look at how this can happen with a simple example. Imagine that you are going to a store with the intention of buying yourself a new thing. Until you have no idea what exactly you want, and you spend a lot of time among a variety of things, looking at price tags, trying on something, or just walking among colorful shop windows. There is no clarity. Finally, your strength leaves you, and you leave with nothing.
Before going to sleep, you close your eyes, and the racks of clothes, the things you tried on or just lightly touched, again float before your mind’s eye. Now you mentally apply a variety of styles to yourself, one thing replaces another, your thoughts flow smoothly, slowly, you imagine yourself in a variety of outfits, nothing limits you. And suddenly…
Stop! Here it is! Yours! You recognized him. So that's what you want! Everything is clear and understandable. The dream vanished as if by chance. Joyful excitement appeared inside. It would be morning soon! Yes! I want it! How did you understand this? What told you? Of course, this is your wise and caring unconscious. As soon as you relaxed, let go of your thoughts, it immediately came to your aid. While the conscious mind is asleep, the unconscious can suggest the best solution.
With willpower and reason, you can only find a rational, practical option, but it will not bring you the expected joy. Returning to our example, you can imagine the consequences of a purely “reasonable approach”.
Many women have at least once encountered a situation where their conscious arguments ultimately turned into disappointment and the question “why did I buy this?” It all starts with the thought “I have nothing to wear, I need to buy something”, in the fitting room she struggles with doubts: “it seems okay, but... the price” or “it seems so-so, but at least the price”, “where can you find better ", "Nothing, I'll trim it, shorten it."
Finally the purchase is “forced”! Goal achieved! You bring home the purchased item. No strength, depressed mood. Something inside is resisting. You put on your new thing and immediately realize: the style is not the same, the color is not yours, the price is not at all pleasing, and in general it is not at all what you wanted. Imagine what the consequences could be if you were buying a house or planning to move.
Therefore, when making decisions, making choices, determining desires, it is necessary to take into account not only conscious arguments, but also consult your intuition. You will not deceive yourself, your body. Your true desires will always find a way to break through. Your task is to hear and accept this signal.
By the way, if we are already talking about shopping, then you can do a little research right now and find out how strong your connection with the unconscious is. Remember how many things you bought, and then realized that you didn’t want to wear or use them. The more “unnecessary things” accumulate in your home, the weaker your relationship with intuition. However, this applies not only to shopping, in this way you can evaluate any area of your life.
But, as mentioned above, clues from the unconscious most often come chaotically, before bed or during a light daytime nap. This is not entirely convenient, especially when you need to get an answer to a “burning question”. To make communication with the unconscious more manageable and predictable, there are special techniques.
Of course, to obtain more effective results, skills are required. But don’t deny yourself the opportunity to learn a little more about this world; remember, academics also once couldn’t read. You can learn everything, feel free to take your first step. This technique is based on visualization and presupposes the presence of at least primary skills in entering a trance. If you don’t know them yet, be sure to find an opportunity to learn, but for now...
1. Decide on the question. What desire would you like to clarify for yourself? Don't know what you want?
2. Relax, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and exhale. Leave the bustle, worries and problems in the outside world.
3. Determine your starting point. You will build on it. Provide a rough image of what you want. If you are looking for where to go on vacation, then imagine a city or area; If you want to buy a thing, then without any effort on yourself, just let the first thought come and leave this image as the starting point.
4. Allow the image to “spin”, transform, flow from one to another. Your eyes will still be closed. Dream. There is no need to make any conscious effort; let your images and thoughts flow at their own pace.
5. Wait until some of the flow of images stabilizes and stops changing. You will have a desire to slow down, a feeling of joy and confidence will appear that this is really “it”. A warm wave can run through your body. You will feel emotional uplift, delight, inspiration. Pay special attention to bodily reactions. If even the slightest doubt arises, you feel tension, then don’t stop, continue to follow the flow of images. When you find “yours”, you will have no doubts, you will bathe in positive emotions.
6. Having received the answer, thank yourself and the unconscious for your help and support. This will help you strengthen your future relationship with your inner self and will help you gain communication skills faster.
Over time, with regular training, you will learn to easily understand your unconscious and will receive answers much faster and more accurately, and sometimes right in the process of action related to your intention. Some of the answers may surprise you.
But keep in mind that the unconscious is guided not only by your desires, but also has access to information that is not available to most people. His answer will be dictated, first of all, by the desire for your well-being, even if it seems to you that this is not exactly what you expected. Learn to trust yourself, and you will have the opportunity to live a happy and joyful life around the clock!
A happy person is characterized by having a healthy appetite for life. The process itself pleases him. If you look more closely, it will not be difficult to see the recipe that all such people have in common: 1) they know how to accurately determine what they want and 2) they get it. How can I understand what I really want?
I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly clearly realized that the transformation that I had been striving for for so long had entered my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other accompaniments of any change - but one change nevertheless irrevocably occurred: I knew exactly what I wanted. Moreover, in all areas of life and at different periods of time.
If you woke me up in the middle of the night, demanding to list what interests me in this life, I would blurt out without a shadow of a doubt where I was going. And with a fair amount of specifics. If you offered me to change these goals to other, no less attractive ones, I would refuse, because my scope already gives me enough space to spread my wings. If my life had been faced with a choice – a loved one or these goals, I would have chosen the latter. Since true love will not set such a condition, and everything else is a fake from dreams on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for the rest of your life and save you from the need to act. And there is no longer a place for this illusion in my life.
It's an interesting feeling to know what you want and where you're going, because it doesn't take away the freedom of choice and the ability to change your mind, but you know that your choice has been made.
Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are bound by your choice
P. Coelho, "Zaire"
Committing yourself to such a choice is a truly wise step, since it is concentration on a single vector that helps you go through stage after stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving birth to the joy of conscious movement forward. This is also the only way to have what you want for those who are not afraid to dream big.
To describe it simply, the picture looks like this:
— To be inspired by movement towards your desires, they must be big- that is, to have scope for the flight of your soul. Global goals give rise to the belief that our capabilities are much wider, thereby unlocking our inner potential and giving us a surge of strength.
— Achieving big goals takes time, during which you will move in the chosen direction without changing direction. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change your goal, change your mind, choose something else - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, just like the law of cause and effect: every time you start something else, you start a new path, and you also need to stay on it for a long time without changing the sharpness of your focus.
— In order not to succumb to the temptation of choice and not change your direction, you need to decide exactly what you want. Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain point in life to decide for yourself exactly: “Who am I?” and “Where am I going?” Otherwise, people often change their minds, try many directions at once, do not really succeed anywhere and generally give up any attempts, thereby beginning a smooth descent down the ladder of their prospects.
If you are ready, you don’t need to prepare.
Once you have a direction, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting opportunities. It’s easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep focus on one thing. When this choice has not yet been fully made and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow everything will work out by itself), then you swim wherever the wind blows. I think none of us would want to find ourselves on an uncontrollable ship on the ocean or on a boat floating in a fast current without oars. So why do many people like this dangerous approach so much: “to go with the flow of life without any goals?” Isn’t it obvious what it brings to stones of helpless old age?
The World Athletics Championships are currently underway in Moscow - how interesting it is to watch some of the competitions. Look.
What is the essence of the victory of this or that athlete? Some will say that hard training coupled with natural abilities, but still the root is deeper - in their choice to focus on one specific sport that suited them best and improve in it.
Only long-term and technically correct training in one direction can give the desired result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, a strong body and certain talents, could run from sprint to jump, from jump to marathon, from marathon to all-around, calling it a search for oneself. Decide on a direction as early as possible is the most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life it is also the most important decision, although much fewer people take it into account.
To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving over a long time.
Hence the logical question: do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?
I didn't know for a long time. Or rather, she misinterpreted her desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, closely spent by the sea, I realized that I really want to regularly travel to the sea, and to the mountains, and to the forests, and to the snow, that is, to travel a lot around the world, and only during breaks between something more significant and creative, for example the development of your project, and living by the sea is not at all necessary. A big city answers much more of my questions than an island isolated from the world. In my personal life, I also had dreams in the style of “maybe I will become a wonderful housewife and keeper of the hearth and will not do anything,” which made my own universe laugh a lot with the corresponding lessons.
For every talent we will be asked.
But every time, even when the next “I want” turned out to be more of my fantasy about a wonderful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work as a freelancer. I realized that I had to return to Moscow and moved. I wanted an original project - and here it is in front of you. It was this movement, and not reflection (!), that gave us the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the chaff of idle entertainment that leads nowhere. At some point, real goals began to take on a more and more distinct form, leaving behind all the imposed husk.
This is an illustration of my favorite example of a long climb into the mountains - at first you don’t even see the top, but as you approach, with the next observation deck, your view increases and at some point - the target becomes clearly visible. But if you don’t get off the couch and start this path of conscious movement along the edges of your “I want” and “I can,” then don’t ask for the top.
Some tips on how to understand your true desires and find inspiring goals
0. Tip number “zero”- start a conscious movement, to begin with, towards any immediate desire. I need to start moving uphill in order to continue to talk about where exactly my road is in all this splendor. If you plan to start and do something only when you find your Path or destiny, you simply will not leave the threshold of your home. This is called “sofa self-searching”, and it’s funny.
1. Pay attention to your own desires
Having a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Don't give up on your aspirations. And don’t listen to those who say that desires are bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome ourselves, or rather, our own ideas about ourselves. Desires are catalysts of vital energy. Another question is that when potential remains unrealized, it begins to put pressure. That is why it is useful to fulfill desires in every sense.
The difference between a true dream or a “social” one, that is, an imposed one, is most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Get ready for trial and error stage, especially if they grew up in a very “closed-minded” environment, but this stage is also very productive.
Most often I receive letters in the style of “how to change everything, but not make a mistake.” That's the point: no way. Yes, you may make a mistake, but even a mistake with a sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will be beneficial, because it will remove another layer of blinders from your eyes, which you will never see unless you try.
A loser is someone who, out of fear of failure, didn’t even try.
It was the mistakes that brought me to that very observation deck where I was able to clearly see what I want: who to be, what to have, where to go. And as a bonus, she understands that she no longer intends to endure it.
2. Find the junction between desires and abilities
The single vector that was discussed is very often at the junction of “I want” and “I can”. That is, these are not just your current abilities, but multiplied by great desires. What you have inclinations and talents for, but in the context of a big dream. This is the conscious development of your abilities into mastery, which allows you to fulfill your wildest desires. As soon as you find this joint, give it priority. Nothing makes a person internally whole and calm more than a clear understanding of where he is going.
A goal differs from fantasy only in the presence of real steps now in the chosen direction. In all other cases, if you want to, but don’t do it, it’s nothing more than a childhood dream that is unlikely to ever come true.
To get somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner you decide on it, the clearer everything that happens around you becomes. I wish you to realize it and choose from all the diversity.
Hello, I have very low self-esteem and high levels of anxiety. In this regard, I don’t know what I really want. I take on one thing, quit, start a new one, and never come to the same decision. Please tell me how you can understand what you want?
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
It is advisable for you to check the level of maturity of your personality using the test. If the overall indicator is less than 40 percent or if the indicators on individual scales are less than 40 percent, this is a neurotic level of personality development. It would be advisable for you to be tested for the presence of neurosis (cognitive impairment).
Please read the articles on our website dedicated to and. Please note that a high level of anxiety, coupled with low self-esteem, is very typical for the anxious-phobic type of neurosis.
Neurosis is a cognitive impairment
You take on one thing, then quit it and start a new one, because you have a pathological driver “don’t finish it to the end.” This driver is your unfavorable psychological legacy received from your parents or other persons who took part in your upbringing. The bottom line is that your parents gave you the wrong guidelines (advice) for life, did not teach you to think logically, did not teach you to react correctly emotionally and achieve goals. We can say that you were taught how to correctly act out the loser scenario (degrees 1, 2, 3 - remains to be seen), but you were not taught how to build your life effectively. Your problem may be the lack of basic psychological skills necessary to build a harmonious life.
Perhaps you were not taught to plan your life systematically. Perhaps your dreams, intentions and actions are very different. Perhaps your emotional-volitional activity is very low, and it is simply very difficult for you to act when necessary, and not when you are overwhelmed by emotions. When a person follows ridiculous and contradictory advice in life, thinks with errors of logic, reacts with pathological emotional patterns, and does not have basic psychological skills for life - this is a cognitive impairment (neurosis). That is, a person is biologically healthy, but he has not been taught how to build his life correctly. He doesn’t even realize that thinking, feeling and acting like this, as he is used to, is not good.
You could be taught how to be comfortable and a good girl
A problem like “I don’t know how to understand what I want” is a neurotic problem. This kind of difficulty arises in a person who has been taught to be obedient, to please, to do everything for the sake of praise and approval. “Good girl” or “good boy” syndrome.
The habit of refusing to be aware of one's desires and catering to the desires of other people for the sake of praise gradually develops into such a character trait as conformism (adaptability). We can say that this is a state when you give up your real self, your goals, your desires, your calling, so that the other person (parent) does not get upset or angry. And in order to realize your desires, you will have to do a lot of work, learn to realize your real self.
In order to learn to understand what you really want, it is advisable to become yourself.
This means increasing the level of development of your personality according to the parameter. Get rid of codependency and learn to distinguish your own motives from the motives of other people. Learn to distinguish your genuine emotions from insincere emotions that are shown on the face out of fear of not getting approval or out of fear of “What will other people think of me?” Then learn to distinguish your thoughts and beliefs from the thoughts and beliefs of other people in order to be protected from various kinds of manipulation. This is a long, systematic work on psychological training that will take you several years. There are too many gaps to fill, too many topics to learn, and too many skills to develop.
If you increase your level of personality development to at least 60 percent, you will no longer have the problems you complain about. Both fearfulness (anxiety) and low ability to take active action will pass.
Think of psychotherapy as a psychological gym you go to to improve your personal skills.
If you consistently work through negative child-parent programs, codependency, self-esteem, personal boundaries, emotion management skills, communication skills and systematic lifestyle planning skills, you will know exactly what you want to do in this life. Moreover, you will become able to actively act towards your goals. At a neurotic level of personality development, it is very difficult to understand one’s true desires, due to the persistent habit of doing everything for approval and out of fear of being scolded.
Hello, Victoria.
Finding your place in life and understanding what you want is sometimes really difficult. And when you can’t feel and understand, life is hard.
You write that your character is complex, “I don’t care about everything in my life.” I think that perhaps, deep down, you are a rather sensitive and emotional person, and your indifference and so-called complex character are a way of coping with emotions and protecting yourself from pain. Maybe throughout your life or in some particularly difficult, painful or even tragic moments for you, you have encountered a lack of understanding of other people, their callousness or simply loneliness (you were left alone in difficult situations - without support and guidance)?
An attempt to kill oneself is also, often, an attempt to protect oneself from the strong feelings that a person experiences in a difficult situation, and it can also be a call, a cry that a person feels bad and needs support, understanding and participation.
You survived this too. And now you are writing here.
Also... I have a question about whether you have a young man for whom you have tender feelings and this is mutual? How are things going with your communication with young people and men? Or are you alone? I think if you are lonely and your need for love and intimacy is not satisfied, the loss of any guidelines and a feeling of lack of desires may be associated with this. If this is the case, then in order to understand yourself, it would be good to figure out why you are lonely, whether you have had relationships with men, how you now arrange your personal life, and whether you arrange what is stopping you from getting closer to people in search of mutual warmth, tenderness, love. The same goes for friends.
I know you little - only a few lines of your letter tell me a little about you. Therefore, my tips will be general - maybe something will suit you, maybe something will seem completely alien. Read, listen to yourself, try:
"Jaguar" with Jean Reno
"The last dance is mine"
"Good Will Hunting"
"Doctor Adams"
"Highway 60"
"Jerry Maguire"
"My life without me"
Maybe something else will catch your eye while searching for these films.
2. There are wonderful books, by reading which you can be touched, understand something about yourself and your life and find resources within yourself to choose your path:
Frankl "Man's Search for Meaning"
Bugental "The Science of Being Alive"
Yalom "Cure for Love, and other psychotherapeutic short stories."
Alexander Lowen "Joy"
Alexander Lowen "Pleasure is a creative approach to life."
3. Also, for independent self-determination, you can use this method as creating an image of the desired future. To do this, you will need time, a large sheet of paper (Whatman paper, A1 format), various magazines (of different subjects) with color pictures, scissors, glue. Give yourself a couple of hours to be alone. Flip through magazines and cut out from them those pictures that somehow touch you, that you like, that evoke pleasant emotions in you. Maybe these are just pleasant emotions, maybe at some moments there will be a clear awareness that the picture somehow symbolizes what you want in your life. Be sure to cut out what you want!
Then, using glue and whatman paper, create a collage of these pictures, which is called “My life, the way I want to see and feel it.” Don’t think too much, follow your experiences - just arrange the pictures on whatman paper as your heart tells you. A collage is complete when, looking at it, you feel generally, satisfaction, and you can sincerely say “Yes, this is how I want to see and feel my life.”
I think that in the very process of this action, you can discover many of your desires. Maybe you already know some of them. But, it is also important to ask whether you know how to implement them and whether you notice how you stop yourself from fulfilling your desires.
4. And lastly. I think, Victoria, that you, despite your “complex and indifferent” character, are a seeking person. Your message tells me this too. You are looking for how to understand yourself, how to understand yourself, you are looking for help and support. If communication on the Internet is not enough for you to find answers to your questions, I suggest you find a psychologist with whom you would like to meet in person and talk about yourself and your life. I think you need a person who could understand you, hear you, and not educate you, but help you find your own path.
If you decide to choose a psychologist for face-to-face meetings, read Irina Bulyubash’s article “The first meeting with a psychotherapist, or protection from a fool.” In Yandex you can find it by title and author. This can help you choose a specialist with whom you feel comfortable and safe talking about yourself.
And also, no matter how bad it is, remember that there is always the opportunity to ask for help - be it a face-to-face meeting, a helpline or the Internet. Do not deny yourself the right to be heard when you really need it.
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0 no commentsWhat to do if you don't know what you want? 6 ways to understand
I don’t know whether I want to write this article or not, but I’ll write it anyway. Sometimes I just feel what exactly I want: sleep, read, hug a child, write a book, go to St. Petersburg, create a shelter for homeless animals. And sometimes... To be honest, I'm lying! 🙂 I know what I want almost always (with the possible exception of choosing this or that yogurt in the supermarket). I don’t know what I want - it’s not about me.
But it was different before. I remember that as a child there were moments when I felt that I was bored, but did not know what to do with myself, what interesting things to do. I sat and thought: “What do I want? Well, what do I want? And often the answer to myself was: “I don’t know...”. Then, tired of being bored, I ran to the adults and asked: “What should I do now?” They offered options, and sometimes I actually began to engage in the proposed activity (drawing, walking, embroidering, reading), and sometimes I was childishly offended and upset because they suggested “the wrong thing.”
Yes, sometimes I myself didn’t know what I wanted. But in one case, the advice of adults could interest me (that is, subconsciously I wanted to do something specific, but I could not understand it, understand myself). In another case, the proposed activities were absolutely not interesting to me, and I rejected them, still not knowing what I wanted. But: I already knew what I didn’t want at that moment. So what to do if you don't know what you want? How to understand what you really want?
Actually, all our “wants” have different weight categories. Well, a well-known example: marriage or seeds. Therefore, when asking yourself the painful question posed in the title of the article, be aware of the global nature of the “want” or “wants”. Let's specify them, this will make our task easier. You don't know what you want. Is this connected with today and its events? Or it is related to more distant goals (for example, to get married or not to get married, to enter medical or ped school, to move to another city). Or is there an even more global perspective here, caused by an existential crisis? Go ahead?
Option 1: let's go by the opposite...
If it’s difficult to understand what you want, maybe it will be easier to determine what you definitely don’t want? This will flesh out the remaining options available and make it easier to choose from. For example, today I definitely don’t want to go anywhere. This means that I want to spend the day at home - that’s a good start, all that’s left is to find what I want within the framework of home activities. Or: I definitely don’t want to go to university to study a technical and economic specialty. Now, there are fewer options, but they are much more specific!
Option 2: imagine, imagine...
If you don’t know what you want, you can do this: sit comfortably (if possible, lie down), close your eyes, pay attention to your breathing, inhale and exhale slowly (repeat several times). Now, start slowly counting backwards, starting, for example, from fifty. After this, do not rush to open your eyes - stay a little longer in this state, most likely, your thoughts and desires will become clearer or you will have an image of what you want.
Option 3: in a dream and in reality
In the evening, before falling asleep, try to “catch” the moment between sleep and wakefulness, and make a request to your own subconscious. You will fall asleep, and it will give you an answer, for example, in a dream, or a thought will appear immediately after waking up. In the morning, also try to stay “between the worlds” of morning doze and awakening for some time. Perhaps in this state you will understand what you want for today, for the next year or ten years. Use this technique, it works well not only for solving the problem we are talking about today.
Option 4: magic list
Make a list of your wishes (what you want), but don’t be modest, allow yourself to wish as much as you want! How? - you ask. – After all, I don’t know what I want? Use the “by contradiction” technique, enter point by point. Imagine asking Santa Claus or Goldfish for something and you will have it. Is it easier? Now look at what happened. Do you want that? If not, correct or clarify, this is very important, because if you want the “wrong thing”, you can get the “wrong thing”.
Option 5: paper will endure anything
It helps a lot to understand yourself and your desires by keeping notes. You don’t have to write on a large scale, but still prepare several sheets of paper. Pour the stream of consciousness onto paper, write everything that comes to mind, no matter how “nonsense” it may seem to you. If you don’t know where to start, start with the main thing: I don’t know what I want or what I should do. Develop your thought and see where the flow takes you. Surprised?
Option 6: I want to talk about it
If nothing helps you figure out what you want and the situation is more serious than choosing new shoes, consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you not only understand your desires and their reasons, but will also recommend where to start to finally translate the “I want” into concrete actions.
While I was writing the article, I realized what I want:
- hug a child;
- go out into the fresh air;
- strawberries;
- read, read and read again;
- I won't tell you more! 🙂
I don’t know what I want - it’s not about me!
If you truly want to find out what you want and improve your life, then I invite you to view your options. You will definitely find a lot of new, interesting and truly useful things for yourself!
I want to get the information I need right now!
Do you want to get everything from life without painful choices and unnecessary sacrifices? Take it!
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Natalya Reutova.