Suspicions, certain conclusions that we draw based on what we think or feel, all sorts of speculations and speculations arising from assumptions - all this is so characteristic of female nature! And mine no less than yours, my dear sisters in faith. Not long ago I came across a “motivator” picture on the Internet, in which a completely grown-up woman was sitting in a small pose. offended girl, holding a teddy bear by the paw - the caption under it “I came up with it myself - I was offended by myself” and gave the title to this article. This phrase is perhaps the best way reflects our state of mind, which is also characterized by the expression “I’ve screwed myself up.” One could be loyal to this feminine quality of nature, if not devastating consequences to which it leads.
To begin with, I would like to cite the meaning of one very sobering verse from the Koran: “ O you who believe! Avoid frequent suspicions, for some suspicions are sinful "(Surah Al-Hujurat, verse 12).
We need to be very careful with suspicions, premonitions and all sorts of other “pre-”, because everything we think about that has not yet happened, has not become a fact, is a lie. We need to trust our loved ones because they are our family. It is better for us to protect them not only from strangers, but also from our own suspicions. A Muslim woman does not need to suspect a Muslim who is also her husband of lying, cheating, or other sins.
The continuation of the verse given above sounds like this (meaning): “ O you who believe! Avoid frequent suspicions, for some suspicions are sinful. Don't pry on or slander each other. Would any of you want to speak evil of your dead brother? This is disgusting for you! So fear Allah, for Allah is Forgiving, Merciful».
In the beginning there was a thought
We usually think that a thought is a small thing. Thinking badly about a person is not a serious offense. “I can’t help but think!” you exclaim. Of course, you can’t help but think, but you can control your thoughts and not let them form chains that destroy the world inside and around you. Most often, such chains are based on lies. Anything that is not a fact is a lie.
For example, I remembered one story.
A young woman who had recently given birth was walking down the street with her husband, and it seemed to her that he looked at the thin woman. beautiful girl. “He liked her because she was thin, after giving birth I gained weight and began to look worse...” - this is the chain that began to form in the poor thing’s head. She convinced herself that her final conclusions were true, and dumped it on her unprepared husband. final result of my thoughts: “I won’t give birth anymore.” It may be funny to you now, but that man was not laughing when he tried to understand where the “legs are growing” problem came from, and then convince his beloved wife that he didn’t remember any girl at all and was probably looking not at her, but past her - just in that direction. Are you still funny? My dears, but this is you and me. We are no different when we accept our assumptions as truth.
At first there is a harmful and dirty thought, and then it acquires an “evidence base”. “He probably stopped loving me,” a thought suddenly comes to a woman’s head one day, materializing from her fears. And yesterday, still beloved, today she is already beginning to collect evidence that already the day before and even six months ago he did not love her. He recalls all sorts of cases and situations, looking at them differently, through the prism of his suspicions. If a woman decides to convince herself of something, she will definitely succeed, otherwise why do we need our famous female logic?
Who needs this?
To understand who is the reason for our petty and destructive suspicions, we need to ask ourselves: who benefits from this? For us personally, no. What do such thoughts lead to? If not to sin, then to numerous errors. Because they are at least the cause of quarrels, scandals and other disasters. Because of fictitious reasons, we completely offend real person, from the world of fantasy to ours real life we bring out our own fantasized fears. If there is no peace at home, then that home is under threat. Destroying a family is the favorite goal of Satan. Here he is, our enemy, masquerading behind a seemingly harmless thought, behind a supposedly harmless suspicion.
How to resist?
In order not to allow the shaitan to cheat us, we need to develop several clear rules and habits. You need to make it your responsibility to control your own thoughts. Anything that makes us afraid, depressed, burdened and sad - except thoughts about sins, death and Judgment Day - is most likely whispered to us by our enemy. Because when we are sad about something worldly, we lose gratitude to Allah. Suspicions and the chains they cause overwhelm us so much that ibadat suffers. Even if we perform worship, we are still mentally attached to our fears. All this destroys our spiritual life, putting us in a destructive dependence on our own nafs. Therefore, all suppressive thoughts need to be driven away.
How? They come, sorry, only in an empty head. Not in the sense of being stupid, but in the sense of not being busy with anything useful. Therefore, try to fill your life as much as possible. Occupy your heart, soul, and thoughts with ibadat constantly. When preparing food and doing other household chores, instead of thinking about anything, turn on a lecture, Islamic radio, or just mentally do dhikr, recite surahs from the Koran, sing nasheeds. If the shaitan has managed to hook you and a tangle of harmful thoughts is already spinning in your head, interrupt it by resolutely standing on the prayer mat. Perform extra prayer and ask Allah for protection from your fears. But don’t dump them on your spouse, much less on a friend or relative. The Almighty for this - Best Listener, and He is the source of all help. By acting in this way, you will defeat the wiles of the shaitan. Let's be winners, and not miserable victims of our own, to put it mildly, not very smart and useful thoughts.
I wish us heaven and be happily married.
Why it is necessary to give vent to emotions and control thoughts
19.09.2016, 07:45
Modern world loves the strong and successful. And we try to control ourselves, sometimes from last bit of strength. So that no one sees our tears, so that no one guesses what’s in our hearts. It’s important for us to at least seem like supermen and “ iron ladies" And few people realize that we pay with our own health for participating in this masquerade of “super-successful” people. She told a journalist from the Stolitsa news agency about this famous psychotherapist, academician Russian Academy natural sciences, doctor medical sciences Nelya Kulesh.
— Nelya Semyonovna, how is it connected? emotional condition person and his health?
— Communication is simple and clear. Everything in our body is regulated by the nervous system, and nervous system activated under the influence of certain biologically active substances. For every emotion, the body produces hormones or other more complex substances. And as a result, the nervous system transmits an impulse to one or another organ, to one or another system. This is how emotions interact with physical body. The range of emotions is very wide - from horror to unearthly delight. We do not have the opportunity to react to every emotion instantly - we are people of society, we adhere to established rules. But it is precisely unreacted emotions that pose the greatest danger to a person.
- What does it mean?
— I’ll explain using the example of a simple emotion that drives our lives. Throughout the day, and by and large throughout life, a person experiences fear. It can be either mild fear or horror. Hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for these emotions in our body. They are released into the blood at lightning speed upon external irritation. And they also quickly act on vascular tone, on skeletal muscles: there is an outflow of blood to different organs, so that a person can perform this or that action - for example, run away or get into a fight if there is a danger to his life. That is, conditions are created for the body to protect itself. The scheme is as follows: a situation arose - the emotion of fear was developed - a release of active substances occurred - the body reacted in one way or another, with action... And if a person did not run, did not enter into a fight, that is, did not perform any actions, a spasm occurs in his body, and formation of muscle clamps, blood circulation, nutrition of tissues, cells are disrupted, organ functions are reduced, and as a result, a very specific disease is formed. But all that was needed was to react correctly, that is, to relieve the load from the organs that had received “recharge” with biologically active substances. If you constantly “stifle” your emotions, you can develop almost any disease. This is psychosomatics.
— It turns out that reacting to some events with appropriate emotions is right?
- Undoubtedly! All our reactions are designed to protect us. If a person did not react to anything, he would not be able to exist in this life. We would not care whether a brick fell on us from above or not - we would walk without fear of anything. That is, without emotions a person simply would not survive.
— I read a note somewhere about how a man overcame cancer very in a non-standard way: he scolded this disease day and night, including obscene words. And he did it so sincerely that the disease was “scared” and retreated.
“He simply spoke out, freed himself, took off the burden!” And it helped to overcome serious illness, to which he may have pushed himself in some way. I advise my patients to have a “pillow friend”. You can tell her everything, you can throw out any of your emotions at her - even kick her, in the end. If you want to scream, you have to scream, cryotherapy is very good method. Trust the pillow with your secret fears, untie the knots, free yourself from the burden. Some patients report that the first days their pillow is wet through with tears! And then, as they admit, life takes on new colors.
— What diseases are officially classified as psychosomatic?
— There are a number of basic psychosomatisms that have been known for more than a century. For example, coronary heart disease is one hundred percent psychosomatosis. Diseases gastrointestinal tract: ulcer duodenum, peptic ulcer stomach, nonspecific ulcerative colitis. Rheumatoid arthritis, hypertension, thyrotoxicosis, bronchial asthma... I recently had a child with bronchial asthma- pure psychosomatics. Incorrectly built relationships with parents led the child to a difficult condition.
I worked psychotherapeutically with my mother, the child was not even disturbed. The mother’s attitude towards the child changed - and his asthma attacks became less and less, and in the end they stopped completely... Not so long ago, oncological diseases, neurodermatitis, and diabetes were added to the list of psychosomatic diseases. This is all " major illnesses“, and all of them are somehow connected with our emotions, with our relationships with the world around us. For example, unexpressed, unexperienced resentment associated with jealousy can lead to diseases of the organs responsible for reproductive function. Especially if there is a desire in your thoughts to take revenge on the offender or offender. That is, banal jealousy can lead to infertility and even tumors! And its beginning is in unreacted emotion.
— How do you understand that the disease is associated specifically with emotions and not with other reasons?
— Every person must learn to hear himself and understand: what he is inclined to, what he loves or really dislikes, what is going on in his soul. There is such a thing as a target organ. He is usually the first to suffer. For example, a person gets nervous and his stomach ulcer worsens. If you understand in time that the main component in the onset of this disease is the psychological component, then you can correct both your emotional background and your illness. But most often, only in a hospital bed does a person begin to understand what exactly his body wants to “say” with this disease.
— So you need to put things in order in your head and thoughts from time to time?
— We need to regularly get rid of everything that has a bad effect on our mood and well-being. This is called mental hygiene. We have learned to create beauty, but, unfortunately, chaos still reigns in our heads: we don’t live like that, we don’t think like that, we don’t react like that to what’s happening—and day after day. And as a result, we find ourselves on the “path of illness.”
— How can thoughts affect our health? After all, these are just fantasies - something that does not exist and, most likely, will not exist?
You can have a “pillow friend” and tell her everything, you can throw out any of your emotions into it - even kick it, in the end.
- Very simple. An emotion arises in response to an event. And in the same way - in response to our thoughts. We thought about something - and we “worked ourselves up”, got upset, cried... As men say: “I came up with it myself, I believed it myself, I was offended by myself.” But the body doesn’t care whether it really happened or you made it all up. It reacts equally to both “true” and “fable”. But! If we cannot influence an event that occurs independently of us, then we can influence our thoughts. This is the meaning of mental hygiene. We can quite easily interrupt thoughts that negatively affect us.
— What emotions are the most destructive?
— It’s impossible to say that any of the emotions are bad. Because than more diverse people shows emotions, the more he mature personality becomes. The more widely we react, the more fully we perceive everything around us.
“It’s better this way than not reacting at all and nurturing resentment, destroying your health.” IN developed countries, where it is customary to go out “in public” with a smile, without showing your real feelings, almost every person has his own psychotherapist. It helps relieve tension and get rid of “stuck” emotions. Our culture, of course, is not so developed...
— So we’ve already gotten used to fighting in the kitchen, but we’re not yet used to going to specialists?
- Yes, they moved away from one, but didn’t approach the other! It is clear that some things cannot be afforded, because there are certain ethical standards. But we need to find reasonable compromises. If a woman feels better when she breaks a couple of plates, let her be healthy! There was an emotion, she reacted to it and forgot about it. Because they are biological active substances, which are produced in such situations - they are medicine and salvation for us. But, finding no way out, accumulating, they turn into poison, which slowly kills us.
— Do positive emotions improve health? Is it true, for example, that laughter prolongs life?
- The way it is! When we are happy, it’s nice when we are at the peak positive emotions— the body releases serotonin, dopamine, and other “hormones of happiness” into the blood. They give us energy and strength that save us in the most difficult moments of life. After all, if we constantly experienced fear, anger, resentment, we would not be able to live fully. And life was simply not interesting. To help us, nature came up with emotions of joy and happiness. True, they come in doses. After all, in life we worry more than we rejoice. But if we receive them, then they are so powerful and so important that they can keep us afloat for a long time.
— What does a positive emotion do?
“It regulates muscle tone and removes all tensions. The body straightens out, becomes light and airy - you want to sing and dance. Blood circulation in organs and systems improves, blood becomes more fluid. Love is the heart, blood is joy. And this life force. In addition, serotonins have anti-inflammatory and analgesic effects. In a state of joy, pain sharply decreases, diseases are cured faster.
— Can an excess of positive emotions be harmful?
- Imagine, maybe! There are even such expressions: “I almost died of happiness”, “my heart almost burst from joy”... Emotions should be in moderation, including positive ones. And if we were constantly happy, would we really want to move forward, change something in our lives, improve it? A variety of emotions makes life full and meaningful. All that is required of us is not to hoard them. Therefore, my advice: do not accumulate emotions, throw them out and be healthy and happy!