Every action has its reaction. Therefore, when a situation requires an immediate response, there is no need to restrain yourself and remain silent. The main thing is to do it beautifully and sophisticatedly, so that everyone around applauds. It's time to learn how to be rude so as not to stoop to the level of the offender.
35 beautiful and non-standard responses to rudeness
1. To talk with you on the same level, I need to lie down!..
2. I don’t know what you eat for breakfast, but it really works! Intelligence tends to zero!
3. Just don’t take the headphones out of your ears. God forbid, you chill your brain from the inside with a draft.
4. Should I see a psychologist? Of course not, Thanks a lot behind useful advice, but you shouldn’t compare everyone to yourself.
5. You will open your mouth at the dentist.
6. To shock me, you will have to say something smart.
7. One more beep from your platform and your dental composition will move.
8. May you celebrate your wedding at McDonald’s.
9. If I had the pleasure of communicating with bitches, I would have had a dog long ago.
10. Uma - like a shell.
11. Looking at you, I begin to understand that nothing human is alien to God. He has a great sense of humor.
12. Talk, talk... I always yawn when I'm interested!
13. You would decorate the world with your absence, before I take sin on my soul!
14. From positive qualities You only have the Rh factor.
15. I live opposite the cemetery. If you show off, you will live opposite me.
16. Is it you that everyone loves? Oh, well, yes, love is evil...
17. So that you could cover yourself with a teaspoon in the bathhouse!
18. - Girl, are you bored? - Not by that much…
19. Your right to own opinion does not oblige me to listen to nonsense.
20. - “Thank you” cannot be put in your pocket. - You will carry it in your hands!!!
21. Hey, you little rose! The tulip is out of here, otherwise you’ll turn gray like a dahlia!
22. I came to you with greetings, with an iron and a gun.
24. It is better to be silent intelligently than to speak stupidly.
25. Is this a bunch of words, or do I need to think about it?
26. Sorry for not living up to your stereotypes.
27. In some heads thoughts come to die.
28. Him: Shall we go to you or shall we go to me? She: At the same time. You - to yourself, and I - to myself.
29. Has the verbal oil well dried up?
30. Madhouse on the road, psychos in nature!
31. What are you watching? Are you in a museum or what? Now I’ll arrange a cultural event for you in two acts without intermission! If I give you a slap, your head will fly off.
32. What do you think, that if you yell at me louder, I will listen more quietly?
33. Now you can take your glasses home from me. In different pockets.
34. Your style of speech reminds me of the market talk of the distant nineties at the end of the last century.
35. And don't laugh! Laughing for no reason is a sign that a person is either an idiot or a pretty girl. If you want to convince me of the latter, first shave.
Now let’s look at how to respond in certain specific situations.
1. Agree with the person insulting you (classic):
- Yes, you are a complete fool and an idiot!
- Yes. I have a certificate too! Do you think it’s very smart to prove something to a fool?
- You're just a fool!
- Agree! This is because you constantly have to talk to fools.
– I’m not satisfied with your answers!
– What questions, such answers!
- Yes, I’m smarter than all of you combined!
- Certainly! After all, you are crazy. I wish I had a watchman for this shed...
2. Take a statement directed at you to the point of absurdity:
- Hey, slow down!
– I can’t, there must be only one brake. (It’s impossible, our pair already has one brake!)
- What are you doing?
- I'm doing it in my pants.
– Are you scamming me now?
– Who do you consider yourself to be now: a bee or a rabbit?
3. Turn a negative statement into a positive one:
- You are a horse!
– If it weren’t for the suckers, where would you be now?
- There are only idiots around!
– Is it unusual for you to feel smart?
– What kind of phone is being grabbed when I’m talking to you?!
– I also prefer to talk to smart people!
4. Press the person “too weakly.” After all, no one likes to feel like a weakling:
– You’re dancing somehow badly...
– I’m not dancing, I’m just moving my legs so you don’t crush them on me... (And you know how great I am at cross-stitching!)
-What are you babbling about?
- It’s strange, but others like my speech... Don’t you have a sense of beauty or a hearing problem?
– Are you pretending to be smart?
– Do you have problems communicating with smart people?
5. What do you want?
- Well, why are you quiet?
– Did you already want to get to the surgeon’s table by this time?
- Well, who is brave here?
– You talk to me as if your subscription to the emergency room is disappearing.
– You are a simple housewife!
– Would you like me to be a currency prostitute?
And remember: rudeness must be fought, but not with tears. The main thing is not to let your opponent understand that he has achieved his goal and asserted himself at your expense. This behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.
The theme of this issue is the Most witty aphorisms and quotes, opens this collection - Laughter is gaiety of the mind, a smile is gaiety of the heart. Edmond Goncourt
A smart person won't tell, a fool won't guess
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up rage. Solomon
It’s always like this: if you say something good, you’ll jinx it, if you say something bad, you’ll scoff!
Gold miners dig through a lot of land and find little. Heraclitus of Ephesus
How cute it is when a smart guy in Adidas, with the words: “Sit down, motherfucker,” gives up his seat on the bus to his grandmother...
You cannot start life over, but you can continue it in a different way.
Do not follow immoderate desires, but do not suppress all desires. Ancient India, unknown author
Money didn't make a fool of anyone; they only make fools appear. Frank Hubbard
About the kind of friendship that can't stand touch naked truth, there is no need to regret it. That's where she goes. Dmitry Ivanovich Pisarev
Behind an honest husband and the wife herself becomes honest. Sachs Hans
One wizard told me a secret that you can turn Thursday into Friday by simply buying a bottle of vodka in the supermarket.
Literacy is precious to us only as a road to development. Dmitry Ivanovich Pisarev
If you want to know a girl's flaws, praise her in front of her friends. Franklin B.
Big promises reduce trust. Quintus Horace Flaccus
Give a woman a pair of good shoes and she will conquer the world!
Smart thoughts come only when all the stupid things have already been done and redone a hundred times.
Love can only be mutual. If feelings are only on one side, it is a disease.
- What about your theory that everyone lies? — I lied. Marital love multiplies. human race, friendly love perfects it. F. Bacon Where man has shed the sweat of zeal, man will reap the fruits of immortality. Babur 3.
- Girls, give me a lighter. — We don’t smoke. - And you don’t drink? - And we don’t drink. - Well, you give it! - And we don’t give it!
Friends are known in times of need... or when you need guarantors at the bank...
To work normally now, you need one thing, quickly click the cross in the upper right corner...
Private life, which knows nothing beyond the threshold of its home, no matter how it is arranged, is poor. Herzen A.I.
The brains of guys (girls) are a very strange thing - it seems to get it, but it seems not)
If you do not allow a person to object for a long time, he will forget all his arguments and hit in silence.
This is the fate of a friend: to rejoice when another ends her unmarried life, even if this promises you loneliness.
There is one good saying- trust but check. After this, you usually immediately remember another one: The less you know, the better you sleep.
In our world... thinking, it turns out, is harmful.
Well, I just can’t get used to the fact that when my boss asks me “how are you?”, he means with him, but not with me...
The measure of love is love without measure.
Patience is the art of hoping. Vauvenargues
Nothing confuses a woman more than asking her to briefly tell you about herself.
If you want to keep a person from doing something, make him talk about this topic: how more people they say, the less inclined they are to do. Carlyle
We don’t notice happiness particularly successfully precisely when... when it walks very close to us...
A sure way to judge a person's character and intelligence is by his choice of books and friends. Helvetius K.
Do you know him? I know him so well that I haven't spoken to him in ten years.
Beauty for women becomes a problem only in two cases: when it is not there, and when there is nothing but beauty. Monica Bellucci
Whether the task is big or small, it must be done. Aesop
To the extent that a person overcomes fear, he is a human being. Carlyle T.
The work we do willingly heals pain. William Shakespeare
Love is a joyful acceptance and blessing of all living and existing things, that openness of souls that opens its arms to every manifestation of being as such, feels its divine meaning. Semyon Frank
Out of fear, a person is ready to do anything. Racine Jean
Betrayal, although very cautious at first, eventually reveals itself. Titus Livy
If you replace the word “problems” with the word “adventures,” then life becomes much more interesting.
The most effective treatment Trauma in childhood is like a nettle in the ass.
You either come into my life or leave it. But please don’t stand on the threshold - it’s cold.
Blessed are those who suppress their anger and forgive people. As-Samarkandi
Do you love life? Then don't waste time; for time is the fabric of which life is made. Benjamin Franklin
In married life, the united couple should form, as it were, a single moral personality. Kant I.
rhinoceros on a swing
Knowledge is power, power is knowledge. Francis Bacon
If you fail, start over.
Newborns cry the same everywhere. When they grow up, they have different habits. This is the result of upbringing. Xunzi.
Friends do not wish us unhappiness, but they find that we are already happy. Auy Legendre
Can peace and love coexist in one heart? Pierre-Augustin Beaumarchais
And the extreme saying in this collection The wittiest aphorisms and quotes - Single life is hell, married life is a plague. Robert Burton
If the most voluminous part of a person is water, then without aspirations and love he is just a walking puddle.
You need to leave in English on time so as not to run into a phrase in Russian.
As much as creativity should be thoughtful and calm, wit should be swift and unstoppable. – M. Montaigne
Wit doesn't need applause. Laughter is here best reward. – F. Chesterfield
Anecdotes and jokes become old, worn out by many retellings and repetitions. Wit never gets old. – G. Lichtenberg
Under the mask of wit there is always either a genius or a deceiver. – D. Gibran
Wit is one of the most vital and useful qualities. However, it is extremely rare among educated people. More often - among simple ones, not burdened with seriousness. – W. Gaslitt
Wit is one of the most amazing human talents. – L. Vauvenargues
The main thing in wit is to learn to stop in time. – A. Maurois
It may seem strange, but men are often more talkative than women. But men will never be able to express so many feelings with their eyes... - K. Weber
Continuation best aphorisms and quotes read on the pages:
I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time that you don’t have a list of friends, but a catalog of chicks..
After stepping on the rake, enjoy the fireworks.
I'll tell you everything about you, even windows will stop welcoming you
What is the difference between a school and a madhouse? - Phone number.
In fact, difficult childhood- this is when you would dream of being not an astronaut or a ballerina, but an abortionist
Wit is not the same thing as intelligence. The mind is distinguished by ingenuity, but wit is only resourcefulness.
Those who are not sharp enough in mind to laugh it off in time are often forced to either lie or indulge in the most boring reasoning. Not a pleasant choice! Avoid him decent person Courtesy and cheerfulness usually help. – N. Chamfort
And we can turn smart people into fools. – W. Shakespeare
In the morning, first of all, I brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Eloquence shines like a diamond with content that is terse. – L. Tolstoy
I’m writing to you and all that...))
Don't go into the water near the chemical plant.
You've done the job, do your feet.
Wit is not the same thing as intelligence. The mind is distinguished by ingenuity, but wit is only resourcefulness. – K. Weber
When they chase wit, sometimes they only catch stupidity. – C. Montesquieu
A good disease: sclerosis: nothing hurts and news every day.
Remember me. The imprints we leave on other people's lives never fade.
I am human! I sound proud!
A sharp tongue is the only cutting weapon that becomes even sharper from constant use. – W. Irving
The queen gave birth that night to Kolya, a son, and Tolya, a daughter. - Wit. Witty Quotes and statuses.
Hello! Is this 359-61-81? – No 359-61-82. - Never mind, it’s nearby. Call Sasha!
It’s sad not because nothing has happened, but because we know what could have been...
A witty person is one who jokes with taste. – Aristotle
I don't care what they say. Their chatter is not an indicator. I am a unit, not a fraction, look for a common denominator with everyone...
Do you like it better when I'm rough or when I'm gentle? - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.
Appearing beautifully before your eyes does not mean that a mark will certainly remain in your heart.
Showing wit inappropriately is very unwitty. – A. Maurois
In an easy matter, anyone can shine with eloquence. – Ovid
Out of a hundred witty people, one is smart.
I'm fed up with wit. Now everyone is witty. You can't take a step without meeting smart person. This is truly becoming a social disaster. What I wouldn't give for a few real fools. But there are none.
Please shave your bearded jokes.
The most arrogant creatures on earth are men... always crawling back to where they came from
Survived yourself - don't survive others!
A witty person is one who jokes with taste.
Wit is like talent. It is better to give yourself completely to him, and not hide furtively behind his canopy. Sommeri
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.
A sharp tongue is a gift, a long tongue is a punishment. – D. Minaev
True wit is always akin to good nature. Wit loses value when it is combined with anger. – R. Sheridan
If you are dear to him, he will be the first to say hello, and the last to say bye... - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.
If you want, be healthy.
What is shallow in a serious form can be deep in a witty one. – G. Lichtenberg
There should be as much eloquence in the speech and in the eyes and expression of the speaker as in his choice of words. – F. La Rochefoucauld
Witticisms are the salt of conversation, but not too much. – W. Gaslitt
At a young age, wit is beyond the control of its owner. Natural gift not yet controlled by will and reason. – N. Chamfort
So far no one has thought of creating a power in which only literary characters would live.
With wit it is like with music: the more you hear it, the more subtle sounds you desire. – G. Lichtenberg
Wit is an outlet for feelings of hostility that cannot be satisfied in any other way. – 3. Freud
Two lawyers – eight opinions. If I had brains, I would have gotten a concussion.
I don't go here anymore...
Comparing subtle humor and revealing satire, it is enough to contrast the cynical killer and noble knight. – N. Chamfort
Constantly making jokes means harming yourself. Prudence is valued much more highly. There is always a limit to jokes.
The goal of eloquence is not truth, but persuasion. – T. Macaulay
Wit should be used as a shield and not as a sword to hurt others.
A man forgives a woman everything except superiority in wit.
It's not enough to be witty. You also have to be witty enough not to be overly witty. – A. Maurois
With prickly witticisms we are with you
Can you show tricks? Disappear!
Chamomile doesn't care whether he loves you or not. She wants to live.
Truly witty man- a rarity, and besides, it is not easy for him to maintain his reputation: people rarely respect someone who knows how to make them laugh. – J. Labruyère
One whose mind quickly grasps new circumstances and draws correct conclusions from them is called a person of keen intelligence. – Vidyapati
The brilliance of wit, used without measure, is inappropriate and even immoral. – A. Losev
The greatest virtue of a speaker is not only to say what is necessary, but also not to say what is not necessary. – Cicero
No man is so witty that he is never boring. – L. Vauvenargues
Never look for a reason to call.
Wit is polished arrogance.
Eloquence produces a powerful, but momentary effect. People who are easily excited also calm down easily. Cold and powerful persuasion does not produce such a lift; but if it has gripped a person, it penetrates him, and its effect is indelible. – J. J. Rousseau
Someone else's wit quickly becomes boring. – L. Vauvenargues
It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. Therefore, from time to time, each of us needs to step away from everyday worries, relax and have at least a little fun. Cool phrases And funny sayings- a sure wonderful remedy for quick recovery Have a good mood. Cool phrases and statuses are very popular because they describe exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. They will help you amaze your interlocutors with your wit, as well as amuse your friends, colleagues, bored company or guests at a holiday party. Cool expressions can also be useful to “defuse” a tense situation or in awkward situations when you need to correct your mistake.
There are many wonderful funny phrases and expressions. I tried to select the best, coolest “phrases” that, in my opinion, deserve most attention. Read, and let no one be left without a smile!
- My character, of course, is not sugar, but I was not created to be added to tea!
- If I ever die because of a man, it will be from laughing.
- I'm neither good nor bad. I am kind with an evil stripe!
- I only have one life and I can't afford to be unhappy!
- I thought I was special, but it turned out I was better than everyone else...
- It’s not enough to know your worth—you also need to be in demand.
- What it is, you can’t put it back!!!
- So what if the wind is in my head, but my thoughts are always fresh...
- Where have you seen a cat that cares what mice say about it?
- If you spit in my back, it means I'm ahead of you!
- Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go!
- If you want me to be an angel, organize heaven for me!
- My life my rules. If you don't like my rules, don't interfere in my life.
- Not noticed in vicious relationships... Wasn’t it? No... Not noticed!
- You need to live in such a way that others experience depression!
- When will they learn to put light into women's handbags?! I really need it!!!
- We are strong women: we will take out the trash and brains if necessary!
- I'm losing weight on three diets! (I can’t get enough of two...)
- He eats - I cook, he wears - I wash, he scatters - I clean. And what would I do without him...
- Women's folk pastime: I came up with it myself, I was offended myself.
- I’m like champagne: I can be playful, but I can also hit you in the head...
- That's how I want to be weak woman, but, as luck would have it, the horses are galloping, the huts are burning...
- Sometimes my husband shudders from me... Still, I am an amazing woman!!!
- The girls are standing on the sidelines, fiddling with handkerchiefs in their hands... Because for every ten girls, according to statistics: 1 is gay, 4 are alcoholics, 2 are divorced, 2 are drug addicts and 1 is normal, but he is married...
- What is the difference between fake love and real love? Fake: “I like the snowflakes on your hair!” The real one: “Fool, why without a hat?”
- If a woman has sparkles in her eyes, it means the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something.
- - How to drive a girl crazy?
- Give her a lot of money and close all the stores! - Men, let's do the laundry, clean, cook, iron... and we want you!
- I really want to snuggle up to someone, put my lips to my ear and whisper...: “Give me money!”
- Sometimes I open my closet, look at it for a long time and realize that I’m keeping two-thirds of my clothes in case I go crazy.
- Classic women's wardrobe: Nothing to wear. There is nowhere to hang it. It would be a pity to throw it away... And there is also a section “Suddenly I’ll lose weight”...
- You need to smile so widely that problems stumble over your smile!
- An optimist is a person who, even having fallen face first into the mud, is sure that it is healing!
- Girls, who wanted to lose weight by spring?.. It’s too late to rush around, let’s take it with charm!
- This morning, while I was putting on makeup, I fainted 5 times from my beauty...
- Previously, I lived alone and all my things were lying haphazardly in their places, but now I’m married and all my things are neatly and beautifully lying in an unknown place...
- I want fate to take me by the hair and head straight into happiness, happiness, happiness.
- A woman should be loved, happy, beautiful! And she doesn’t owe anyone anything anymore!!!
- The smartest plant is the horseradish: it knows everything...
- Now I live only by this principle: whoever wants it will come, whoever needs it will call, whoever is bored will find it! And who cares, those don’t care!
- All men are bastards! They all only need one thing! But why, why not from me-me-me?!
- I would send you, but I can see you from there!
- Women are not interested in wimps only if those wimps are men.
- If you think that life is wonderful, then the antidepressants are chosen correctly.
- If there are nails on the feet, then there should be hands on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes!
- There is nothing better in the world than creaking your bed until dawn!
- Judging by the way life fucks me, I'm sexy as fuck!
- The robbers demand your purse or your life, the women demand both.
- Never do evil out of spite! Nasty things must come from the heart!
- How smarter woman, the more refined and varied she blows her man away!
- Any dirty trick can be put to proper use if there is a desire...
- Queens are never upset. When they are sad, they simply execute someone...
- The weaker sex is stronger than the stronger sex due to the weakness of the stronger sex towards the weaker.
- Long live split personality - the shortest path to mental balance!
- Our spring is late, our summer is delayed... And autumn, the bastard, is punctual!
- I’m a woman—evil comes as standard!
- Don't you want to be nice? - Let's remove the Vaseline!
- I am a creative woman. I want - I create, I want - I create...
- With a teaspoon in my pocket, with a bald cactus in my hand, I’m going to scare the old woman who lives in the attic, I’ll poke him with a spoon, I’ll order him to sit on the cactus... I’m a bit of a fool - I have a certificate!..
- Vasilisa was a magician... If she waves her right sleeve - a lake... If she waves her left sleeve - swans... She waves another 200 grams - and the hallucinations are more complicated...
- Happiness is when you have a doctor, a cop, a lawyer and a killer among your friends. Immediately life becomes somehow easier...
- There are people who are like a drug—you know you can’t, but you’re drawn to it. And there are people like cake - sweet, tasty, but sick...
- I want to be like a bear: to eat in the summer and hibernate in the winter. And I lost weight, and slept well, and didn’t see frost!
- Santa Claus, whole year I behaved well...and now can I kill someone???
- Caught goldfish. She listened to me very carefully and said: “Fry!”
- And they carry me away, and carry me away, into the colored ringing crap, three white horses, two red elephants, a penguin, a hippopotamus and a deer.
- What doesn’t kill us, we regret it very much later.
- I am the air. Don't try to hold it back. Breathe while I let myself breathe...
- My beloved told me: “You are evil in the flesh!” Well, I'll implement it. I'm very obedient. And if for some reason he needs it, then how can I ignore the request!
- I’m a very good cook... I can cook noodles... Brew porridge... Add oil... In general, I’m a clever wizard.
- "Baby, I love you!" — excellent status! And all the suns are pleasant, and you won’t get burned...
- - You need to treat a girl carefully, like a Christmas tree.
— Knock it out and take it home? - — Strangers make comments to my child! How to react?
— Teach your child a magic spell: “My mother teaches me that not everything value judgment should serve as a behavior modifier.” When pronounced with clear diction and confident, benevolent intonation, it acts similarly to the spell: “Petrify!” And more reliably. Although not for long. But without dangerous side effects. - You begin to understand that everything is really bad when the person who usually calms everyone down cries...
- As my grandmother used to say, it’s better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask “who’s there?”
- In any situation, say “everything is going according to plan” - you never know what kind of fucking plan you have.
- Sometimes it becomes so cool that something that was once so important has become so irrelevant...
- And I will leave without noticing any offense.
Chewing a chocolate candy.
And may the evil horse love you,
And not a sunshine like me. - “Darling, is it true that I’m your only one?”
- Have you all come to an agreement today, or what!? - A woman, like fire, should not be left unattended. Either it will go out, or it will burn everything to hell!!!
- Alcohol does not help you find the answer, it helps you forget the question...
- Darling, you insist so much on our relationship with you... I don’t understand, you have nervous system made of reinforced concrete or lifelong reservation in a madhouse?
- Sometimes you think: this is happiness! But no, damn it, experience again...
- You drown a person, and it seems so sad, but then bubbles appear, so good, and your heart rejoices.
- Understand feminine logic It’s easy, just learn how to play billiards with cubes.
- You only need to sort things out with those with whom you have these relationships. The rest - why don't they go to the shore of silence, collect shells...
- Happiness is when the previous shit has already ended, and the next one has not yet begun.
- Cockroaches in the head are still normal. The problem is when the squirrel starts chasing them out...
- A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere. Don't complicate things!..
- You need to return to the woman as quickly as possible. So quickly that she doesn’t have time to understand that she’s fine without you.
- If you love it, set it free. If he doesn't come back, track him down and kill him.
- There are a lot of other people's nerves in the world - there's no point in worrying about your own!
- I bought cockroach chalk! Now it’s quiet and calm in my head... they sit, draw...
- You'll send someone rashly. And in your soul you worry: did you get there?... didn’t you get there?...
- - Who are you?
- Kind fairy!
- Why with an axe?
- Yes, the mood is not very good... - She got up on the wrong foot, sat on the wrong broom and generally flew in the wrong direction...
- Give me wings, otherwise the broom will leave splinters all over my ass!
- In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either!
- — What will you order?
- I, please, have nerves, intelligence, calmness and s*zma... Yes, more s*zma, please. - Don't be a cheapskate - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.
- Nerves are in shock, brains are in a trance, and logic has completely gone and shot itself.
- If my mother taught me to be cultured, this does not mean that I will not kick you in the eye, as my father taught me!
- A realist is someone who doesn't care whether the glass is half full or half empty. For him, what's in the glass is more important.
- No matter what the rake teaches, the heart believes in miracles...
- It's amazing how much some people enjoy romantic walks along the rake.
- If you constantly step on the same rake, then it’s a fucking rake!
- Smile more often - and the thicket will smile at you!
- Yes, I'm not an angel, but flying on a broom is faster.
- Everyone thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. No matter how it is! Our dream is to eat and not gain weight!
- All women are angels, but if you cut their wings, they start flying on a broom.
- A man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses, so that his woman has something to do and not blow his brains out.
- ...and yet it is IMPORTANT that the butterflies in the stomach come to an agreement with the cockroaches in the head!
- Yesterday, it seemed, I had gained my wits... Today I woke up - but no, I just gained my wits...
- I don’t promise to lead you to sin, but I will…
- There’s no need to offend me, I’m a vulnerable girl, the first thing brings me to tears... And then teary eyes it’s so difficult to understand who the shovel hit...
- This morning they showed such horrors in the mirror...
- I don't drink flowers or sweets!
- - Girl, why haven’t we met yet?
- God will take care of you, stupid creature... - I have no excess weight. I have it as a spare.
- Female philologist: bright multiple sarcasms on the first date.
- While men, being boys, play war games and cars, women, being girls, immediately prepare to manipulate people and play with dolls.
- It’s better to be a beloved mischief than to be a perfection that no one needs.
- Listen to the voice of reason... Do you hear? Do you hear what crap he is talking about?!
- For a woman to go to bed with a man, she needs a feeling of closeness, trust and a strong connection. A man's place is mainly...
- Squirrels eat snow. What are you doing to make winter end?
- People who helped spring and ate snow, why did you also eat asphalt?
- A glassblower accidentally sneezed at work and created a new vase for the Ikea store.
- If things don't go the way you want, it's not your business, let them pass by.
- Don't know how to relieve stress? Don't wear it!!!
- It is incorrect to say “the toad is strangling.” It should be like this: “amphibiotropic asphyxia happened to me”
- Koala macaque dipped in cocoa. The koala lazily lapped cocoa...
- Squirrels in gaiters poke around cedar kernels in the depths of the tundra. In the depths of the tundra, otters in gaiters are digging for cedar kernels in buckets! Having torn out the gaiters from an otter in the tundra, wipe the cedar kernels with the otter, wipe the otter's face with the gaiters - the kernels into buckets, the otter into the tundra.
- Having washed the leg warmers in the swamp, put the kernels in buckets, the otters and the squirrels in an embrace quietly finished the jar... While finishing the moonshine, the otters danced a jig, the squirrels tried on the leg warmers, muttering that they had seen a worse holiday in the tundra.
- I speak English with only a dictionary, but I’m still shy with people...
- When sliding under the table, do not forget to politely say goodbye to your guests.
- There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And every day it gets stronger and stronger...
- I don’t know what you’re taking for your head, but it’s clearly not helping you!
- Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt…
- A beautiful woman pleases the male gaze, an ugly woman pleases the female gaze!
- In the world there is no perpetual motion machines, but full of eternal brakes!
- Take care of your Motherland! Vacation abroad!
- I am constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I find myself faster...
- Everyone is spoiled to the best of their ability.
- If a gentleman says to a lady, “I understand you perfectly,” he means, “You talk twice as much as you need to”!
- If you leave your husband correctly, he will definitely return... like a boomerang.
- If you want to bring a person to sclerosis, give him a loan.
- Looking at how some accumulate good, others begin to accumulate evil.
- There are so many interesting things in this life and so few people are interested.
- If you want to marry a smart, beautiful and rich woman, marry three times.
- Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
- If you cannot be a star in the sky, at least become a lamp in the house.
- A man, even if he could understand what a woman was thinking, would still not believe it.
- The best way to organize a panic is to ask everyone to remain calm.
- Everyone wants to have a good time, but you won't have one.
- Tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are.
- What a pity that you are finally leaving!..
- Lost conscience. I ask the finder not to worry and keep it for himself.
I wish you good health! Dear friend, you were probably looking for Witty quotes with pictures on this topic. Cool! You found what you were looking for here. We wish you delightful reading and self-knowledge!
Life begins where your comfort zone ends.
In the land of fools, every stupidity is worth its weight in gold.
Platonic love knows no embrace, because infinity cannot be embraced. Paolo Mantegazza
Three things never come back: time, word, opportunity. Therefore: do not waste time, choose your words, do not miss the opportunity. Confucius
In women, gratitude is only a tiny step away from love. Giacomo Casanova
Any changes bring new opportunities.
We never know exactly what another person is thinking and feeling: we interpret their behavior and become offended by our own thoughts about it.
Sooner or later, every person is faced with the concept of “finitude”: we consciously perceive the end of something as inevitable, as part of the deal we have made with life. Frankl V.
Life is a big canvas and you have to throw all the paint you can onto it. Danny Kaye
He who has achieved wisdom should not be interested in sciences or books, so as not to be distracted by extraneous things and opinions. Antisthenes
Women have all the heart, even the head. Jean Paul
I will be who I am. I know that one day there will be a person for whom I will become a great joy.
My dear, pretty, beloved! You are the light in my window!
And happiness was so close
Vanity chooses true love doesn't choose. I. Bunin
To resist love is to provide it with new weapons. George Sand.
When a woman falls in love for the first time, she loves her lover;
What is unrealistic for simple eyes, we can easily understand with an inspired eye in deep ecstasy. William Shakespeare
Not a single man who intends to do something important in this world has the time and money for such a long and expensive hunt as the hunt for a woman. George Bernard Shaw
If you want to marry a smart woman, you will remain a fool; if you are beautiful, rich and smart, then you will remain a bachelor. Arkady Davidovich.
Many people ask themselves: Am I so significant meaning life to withstand inevitable death? Tolstoy L. N.
Love is when separation drives you crazy, when you wait for a meeting, counting the moments, and, being close, you forget about everything... when you begin to believe that everything is possible, that life is nothing compared to the happiness that you have ...
Only in Russia they call loved ones... My grief!
For a man, unhappy love is an excuse for pleasure without any love. Carmen Silva
For some reason, many women think that having a child and becoming a mother are the same thing. One could just as well say that having a piano and being a pianist are the same thing. S. Harris
Live as if this is your last day, and one day it will be so. And you will be fully armed. George Carlin
Be the only one in love and no secondary roles!
The main reason why Santa is so funny is because he knows where everyone lives. bad Girls. George Carlin
If there is no suspicion in the relationship, it is a good family.
Love without humility cannot be strong and firm. Venerable Macarius of Optina
Jealousy is betrayal by suspicion of betrayal. V. Krotov
How stronger love, the more defenseless she is. Duchess Diana (Marie de Bossac)
calm a man’s heart with a look, this is the whole strength of a girl.
They love each other very much: he - himself, she - herself. M. Genin
Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience. Mark Twain
The inconstancy of the women with whom I was in love was redeemed only by the hellish constancy of the women who were in love with me. B. Shaw.
The woman is, of course, smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs? Faina Ranevskaya
Does life give us the starting points? material: but it depends only on us, which of the available opportunities? take them and how to use them.
Leave cloudy water alone and it will become clear and clear.
He carried his love like a banknote, which no one wanted to exchange. G. Malkin
Everything else doesn’t matter... When your favorite miracle is waiting at home and the man with whom you want to live forever!
In response to a question about the shortest but most effective prayer, the Jesuit monk answered briefly: God be with him!
They love not for something, but in spite of it. A. Vasiliev
Inspiration comes only while working. Gabriel G. Marquez
Love and happiness are the two dreams of every person!
It is interesting to marry only for love; marrying a girl just because she’s pretty is like buying something for yourself at the market unnecessary thing just because she's good. A.P.Chekhov