If you have ever been interested in the topic of making your desires come true, then you probably already know that the bulk of trainings, various tips and methods are focused on a ready-made clear picture. It assumes that you know very well what you want. But what to do if the desire is still too vague, “not ripe”, you don’t want to give it up, but there is no clarity?
Don't worry if you imagine a direction but don't see it final result, this is not a reason to give up your path. Nature itself is ready to take care of you and bring clarity to your thoughts. Let's look at how this can happen, at simple example.
Imagine that you are going to a store with the intention of buying yourself a new thing. Until you have no idea what exactly you want and spend a lot of time among a variety of things, looking at price tags, trying on something, or just walking among colorful shop windows. There is no clarity. Finally, your strength leaves you and you leave with nothing. Before going to bed, you close your eyes, and hangers with clothes, things that you tried on or that you only lightly touched, again float before your mind’s eye. Now you mentally apply a variety of styles to yourself, one thing replaces another, your thoughts flow smoothly, slowly, you imagine yourself in a variety of outfits, nothing limits you. And suddenly... Stop! Here it is! Yours! You recognized him. So that's what you want! Everything is clear and understandable. The dream vanished as if by chance. Joyful excitement appeared inside. It would be morning soon! Yes! I want it!
How did you understand this? What told you? Of course, this is your wise and caring unconscious. As soon as you relaxed, let go of your thoughts, it immediately came to your aid. While the conscious mind is asleep, the unconscious can tell you the most The best decision. With willpower and reason, you can only find a rational, practical option, but it will not bring you the expected joy.
Returning to our example, you can imagine the consequences of a purely “reasonable approach”. Many women, at least once, have encountered a situation where their conscious arguments ultimately turned into disappointment and the question “why did I buy this?” It all starts with the thought - “there’s nothing to wear, I need to buy something”, in the fitting room she struggles with doubts: “it seems okay, but... the price”, or “it seems so-so, but at least the price”, “where you’ll find a better one,” “nothing, I’ll cut it, shorten it.” Finally, the purchase is “forced”! Goal achieved! You bring home the purchased item. No strength, depressed mood. Something inside is resisting. You put on your new thing and immediately realize that the style is not the same, the color is not yours, the price is not at all pleasing, and, in general, it is not at all what you wanted. Imagine what the consequences could be if you were buying a house or planning to move.
Therefore, when making decisions, making choices, determining desires, it is necessary to take into account not only conscious arguments, but also consult your intuition. You will not deceive yourself, your body. Yours true desires They will always find a way to get out. Your task is to hear and accept this signal. By the way, if we are already talking about shopping, then you can do a little research right now and find out how strong your connection with the unconscious is. Remember how many things you bought, and then realized that you didn’t want to wear or use them. The more “unnecessary things” accumulate in your home, the weaker your relationship with intuition. However, this applies not only to shopping, so you can evaluate any area of your life.
But, as mentioned above, clues from the unconscious most often come chaotically, before bed or during a light daytime nap. This is not entirely convenient, especially when you need to get an answer to a burning question.
To make communication with the unconscious more manageable and predictable, there are special techniques. Of course, to get more effective result skills required. But don’t deny yourself the opportunity to learn a little more about this world; remember, academics also once couldn’t read. You can learn everything, feel free to take your first step.
This technique is based on visualization and assumes the presence of at least primary skills in entering a trance. If you don’t know them yet, be sure to find an opportunity to learn, but for now...
- Decide on the question. What desire would you like to clarify for yourself? What exactly do you not know what you want?
- Relax, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and exhale. Leave the bustle, worries and problems in the outside world.
- Define starting point. You will build on it. Provide a rough image of what you want. If you are looking for where to go on vacation, then imagine a city or area; if you want to buy a thing, then without any effort on yourself, just let the first thought come and leave this image as the starting point.
- Allow the image to “spin”, transform, flow from one to another. Your eyes will still be closed. Dream. There is no need to make any conscious effort; let your images and thoughts flow at their own pace.
- Wait until some of the flow of images stabilizes and stops changing. You will have a desire to slow down, a feeling of joy and confidence will appear that this is really “it”. A warm wave can run through your body. You will feel emotional uplift, delight, inspiration. Please contact Special attention to bodily reactions. If even the slightest doubt arises, you feel tension, then don’t stop, continue to follow the flow of images. When you find “yours”, you will have no doubts, you will bathe in positive emotions.
- Having received the answer, thank yourself and the unconscious for your help and support. This will help you strengthen your future relationship with your inner self and will promote to receive it as soon as possible communication skills.
Over time, with regular training, you will learn to easily understand your unconscious and will receive answers much faster and more accurately, and sometimes right in the process of action related to your intention. Some of the answers may surprise you. But keep in mind that the unconscious is guided not only by your desires, but also has access to information that is not available to most people. His answer will be dictated, first of all, by the desire for your well-being, even if it seems to you that this is not exactly what you expected. Learn to trust yourself, and you will have the opportunity to live a happy and happy life around the clock. joyful life!
Ecology of consumption. Psychology: If you think that a person with a depressive character looks sad, or whines and complains all the time, then this is by no means so...
Do you realize that in your extreme point Is this condition fatal?
When a child feels some kind of vital important need(in food, attention, care, love, etc.), which he is unable to satisfy on his own, he calls for help.
The baby cries to attract the mother's attention, expecting her to come and give him what he needs. If the mother does not come (or does the wrong thing), the child will feel the need becoming more and more acute, and will cry and scream more: the need itself will not disappear. If you ignore his need for food and care, the child simply will not survive.
The results of dissatisfaction with the need for love are not so obvious, because they do not kill immediately.
The need for love is the most strong need person. And if no one comes to the child, he, of course, will stop screaming and crying, but not because the need has miraculously disappeared, but from exhaustion. The child is powerless and desperate, he suffers a lot, and the understanding comes to him that this need of his can never be satisfied by anyone or anything.
He starts looking source of suffering, and finds: it is his own desires , and the more he wants, the more he will suffer.
This is how the path of “getting rid of desires” begins.
He learns to forget about his feelings and needs. In order to distract from pain and dissatisfaction, the child will study diligently: these are children with early achievements, early intellectual success (at the age of 2-3-4 they begin to read and count). He is prone to self-accusation. The conviction “I’m not like that”, “I’m not good enough” is fueled by the inability to direct my anger to my mother for what, for example, she left in the nursery and left. In essence, he directs the anger addressed to his mother towards himself. “She didn’t leave because she was bad (mom can’t be bad), she left because I’m bad and don’t deserve love.” He will very early learn to justify (“understand”) others: “she left because she needs to earn money, and I have no right to demand that she be with me.”
And then in adulthood we have:
1. “I don’t know what I want.”“I want you to tell me what I want.” Inability to spend money and other resources on yourself. Belief in one's own unworthiness better conditions, best clothes, better work. Lots of altruism, a desire to take care of others. (A person unknowingly does to others what he himself needs).
2. “I don’t know how I feel.” I forgot how to do it a long time ago... They are so insensitive that they are constantly overworked, overworked to the point of exhaustion.
3. “I have no right to ask, demand, even want something from other people, especially from those who are valuable to me.” (“I even know why they won’t give it to me: they have their own affairs and interests, they have no time for me.”) “Nobody needs me”, “Nobody loves me.” (This is simply impossible to believe).
4. Extreme fear of being rejected hence - at the same time - a demonstration of independence (as compensatory behavior) and selfless clinging to a person. This is how the fear of repeating the early childhood rejection, “non-acceptance”, “non-love”.
5. “I’m not angry with anyone, I’m kind.”“If something goes wrong, it’s my own fault.” Fear of presenting negative feelings. Self-recrimination and mass negative beliefs about myself. And underneath all this is fear of feelings, fear of anger, and a lot of despair; the strongest struggle between the impulses of love and hate.
This is a description of the character of a depressed person.
Its 2 main problems:
1) chronic unsatisfaction of needs,
2) the inability to direct his anger outward, holding it back, and with it holding back all warm feelings, makes him more and more desperate every year: no matter what he does, it doesn’t get better, on the contrary, it only gets worse. The reason is that he does a lot, but not that.
If nothing is done, then, over time, either the person will “burn out at work,” loading himself more and more until he is completely exhausted; or his own self will be emptied and impoverished, unbearable self-hatred will appear, a refusal to take care of oneself, and in the future, even self-hygiene.
A person becomes like a house from which the bailiffs have removed the furniture.
Against the background of hopelessness, despair and exhaustion, there is no strength or energy even for thinking.
Complete loss of the ability to love. He wants to live, but he begins to die: sleep and metabolism are disturbed...
It is difficult to understand what he lacks precisely because we are not talking about the deprivation of possession of someone or something. On the contrary, he has the possession of deprivation, and he is not able to understand what he is deprived of. His own self turns out to be lost. He feels unbearably painful and empty: and he cannot even put it into words.
This is neurotic depression. Everything can be prevented and not brought to such a result.
If you recognize yourself in the description and want to change something, you urgently need to learn two things:
1. Learn the following text by heart and repeat it all the time until you learn to use the results of these new beliefs:
- I have a right to needs. I am, and I am I.
- I have the right to need and satisfy needs.
- I have the right to ask for satisfaction, the right to achieve what I need.
- I have the right to crave love and love others.
- I have the right to a decent organization of life.
- I have the right to express dissatisfaction.
- I have the right to regret and sympathy.
- ...by right of birth.
- I may get rejected. I may be alone.
- I'll take care of myself anyway.
I would like to draw the attention of my readers to the fact that the task of “learning a text” is not an end in itself. Autotraining by itself will not give any lasting results. It is important to live, feel, and find confirmation of it in life. It is important that a person wants to believe that the world can be arranged somehow differently, and not just the way he is used to imagining it. That how he lives this life depends on himself, on his ideas about the world and about himself in this world. And these phrases are just a reason for thought, reflection and search for your own, new “truths”.
2. Learn to direct aggression towards the person to whom it is actually addressed.
...then it will be possible to experience and express warm feelings to people. Realize that anger is not destructive and can be expressed.
How to notice early signs depression in others
If you think that a person with a depressive personality looks sad, or whines and complains all the time, then this is not the case. Often (especially in at a young age) is a very sweet, sympathetic, sociable and charming person. He rarely gets offended, he is happy with everything. He will easily find how to justify the unseemly actions of other people.
The true criterion is simple: if he is close to you, you will never hear from him direct demands for love and attention, demands to stay if you leave, demands to change your plans if you want something not what he expected. He will either run away from your sincere declarations of love (devalue, ignore, ignore, slyly reject) or cry if he cannot escape. Because it’s very painful to understand how much he needs love, which has been missing for so long. How long has the world “owed” him love... published
Maddie called to book a few sessions, saying she needed to “understand how it all works.” I asked her to think ahead about what she wanted to focus on. I explained that people usually approach me with some kind of specific purpose- want to change something or determine what is most important to them in life, work or relationships.
A week later, Maddie burst into the office like a whirlwind, kicked off her shoes and sat down on the floor. I joined her. She unfolded large leaf paper and showed a collage that she had made the day before to visualize her current life.
She's just crazy and unpredictable. And no one seems to like it but me. Everyone around me tells me that it’s time to settle down, become more reasonable and flexible,” she explained.
Maddie said that she doesn’t stay in any job for a long time, because she doesn’t like being managed and controlled every step of the way, she hates routine and system. From some positions she left on her own, and from somewhere else (and this happened more than once) she was asked to leave.
I was always told that I was not qualified for the position. I really can't stand bureaucracy. I guess I'm a little " White crow", she admitted.
I noticed Maddie smiled as she said “black sheep.”
The desire for independence often means that we are completely unable to rely on others.
So who exactly is saying that you should become more agreeable? - I asked.
My partner wants me to take our relationship more seriously. For him, this means that we should buy a house and get married,” Maddie said, and I noticed how she shivered. - And I’m happy with what we have now. We see each other several times a week. I don’t want to live with him under the same roof, but he expects more.
Before our next meeting, I suggested that Maddie ask herself a question: What could change her feeling of “I should” become more responsible in her relationship with her partner to “I want” to become more responsible? I also asked Maddie to make a new collage and show where she would like to be in three years.
Second meeting: What does she really want?
I reviewed Maddie's story with my supervisor. I realized that such a desperate need for independence often means that we are completely unable to rely on others, and this results in a distrust of people and an avoidance of intimacy. But at the same time, I didn’t understand how to help a young woman feel responsible for the relationship.
She realized that she strives for freedom and creativity more than for stability and security
The supervisor simply reminded me that people who fiercely defend their independence often break all our ideas, they think and live in a completely special way, and this saves them.
I realized that I had almost made a mistake by projecting concepts and meanings that were meaningful to me onto Maddie. But I could not determine whether she herself wanted to change her behavior or simply thought that she had to change for the sake of those around her.
Third meeting: Admit the truth
Maddie happily presented me with a collage of her ideal future. It all consisted of bright pictures depicting distant countries, dolphins, deserts, books, caravans, motorcycles and tents. With great enthusiasm, she told me about her dreams for the next three years: about travel, adventures, about her blog, which will later grow into a book about how to live creatively.
She truly realized that she strives for freedom and creativity more than stability and security. Neither the employer, nor the house, nor the partner fit into this picture of the future.
Yes, that's true, she said. “I thought about your question and realized that I was trying to live up to other people’s expectations. I decided to focus on what brings me pleasure and meaning. But mortgages and children are not included in this picture. I truly realized that I strive for freedom and creativity more than stability and security.
Maddie has already told her partner that she is leaving. We never met again because she immediately booked a plane ticket to the starting point of her trip. A year later I received a letter from her. Maddie asked me to write the foreword for her book, which was ready for publication. Her letter included the phrase: “I live my dream, not someone else’s.”
Effective exercises for independent work
If you don't know where to go next and want to set goals for the future, try to get creative: draw a map of your life. Take a large sheet of paper and divide it into three parts. Fill out the card in the following order:
In the first part, draw a picture of your life today. Instead of drawing, you can create a collage using pictures and/or words cut out from newspapers and magazines.
In the third part, imagine a picture of the life you would like to see in two years. Again, use paints, any ready-made images and/or words.
In the central part, draw a picture that explains what is stopping you from moving from the first section to the third.
Finally, lay out the path from the first section to the third so that it certainly passes through the middle part. Pave this road with words and pictures that will help you overcome difficulties and make this journey.
Livefull-fledgedlife
We feel fully satisfied and fulfilled in life when we find meaning in activities that bring us joy and allow us to use our strengths. To see how fulfilling your life is today, ask yourself:
- What are my strengths?
- What gives meaning to my life?
- What gives me pleasure?
- How much current situation allows my strengths, brings meaning and joy?
- What could I change to live an even more fulfilling and creative life?
Check how addicted you are
If you find yourself refusing to accept help from others, it may be worth examining the reasons behind your desperate desire for independence. Ask yourself the following questions:
- How do I feel when I depend on someone else?
- How do I feel when someone depends on me?
- In what situations do I avoid depending on others?
- In what situations do I allow myself to depend on someone?
- What do these situations teach me?
- How do I benefit from my independence?
- What exactly scares me about addiction?
about the author
Psychotherapist and coach, director of Barefoot Coaching.
What to do when you don't know what you want?If you have ever been interested in the topic of making your desires come true, then you probably already know that the bulk of trainings, various tips and methods are focused on a ready-made clear picture. It assumes that you know very well what you want.
But what to do if the desire is still too vague, “not ripe”, you don’t want to give it up, but there is no clarity? Don't worry, if you envision a direction but don't see the end result, that's no reason to give up on your path. Nature itself is ready to take care of you and bring clarity to your thoughts.
Let's look at how this can happen with a simple example. Imagine that you are going to a store with the intention of buying yourself a new thing. Until you have no idea what exactly you want, and you spend a lot of time among a variety of things, looking at price tags, trying on something, or just walking among colorful shop windows. There is no clarity. Finally, your strength leaves you, and you leave with nothing.
Before going to sleep, you close your eyes, and the racks of clothes, the things you tried on or just lightly touched, again float before your mind’s eye. Now you mentally apply a variety of styles to yourself, one thing replaces another, your thoughts flow smoothly, slowly, you imagine yourself in a variety of outfits, nothing limits you. And suddenly…
Stop! Here it is! Yours! You recognized him. So that's what you want! Everything is clear and understandable. The dream vanished as if by chance. Joyful excitement appeared inside. It would be morning soon! Yes! I want it! How did you understand this? What told you? Of course, this is your wise and caring unconscious. As soon as you relaxed, let go of your thoughts, it immediately came to your aid. While the conscious mind is asleep, the unconscious can suggest the best solution.
With willpower and reason, you can only find a rational, practical option, but it will not bring you the expected joy. Returning to our example, you can imagine the consequences of a purely “reasonable approach”.
Many women have at least once encountered a situation where their conscious arguments ultimately turned into disappointment and the question “why did I buy this?” It all starts with the thought “I have nothing to wear, I need to buy something”, in the fitting room she struggles with doubts: “it seems okay, but... the price” or “it seems so-so, but at least the price”, “where can you find better ", "Nothing, I'll trim it, shorten it."
Finally the purchase is “forced”! Goal achieved! You bring home the purchased item. No strength, depressed mood. Something inside is resisting. You put on your new thing and immediately realize: the style is not the same, the color is not yours, the price is not at all pleasing, and in general it is not at all what you wanted. Imagine what the consequences could be if you were buying a house or planning to move.
Therefore, when making decisions, making choices, determining desires, it is necessary to take into account not only conscious arguments, but also consult your intuition. You will not deceive yourself, your body. Your true desires will always find a way to break through. Your task is to hear and accept this signal.
By the way, if we are already talking about shopping, then you can do a little research right now and find out how strong your connection with the unconscious is. Remember how many things you bought, and then realized that you didn’t want to wear or use them. The more “unnecessary things” accumulate in your home, the weaker your relationship with intuition. However, this applies not only to shopping, in this way you can evaluate any area of your life.
But, as mentioned above, clues from the unconscious most often come chaotically, before bed or during a light daytime nap. This is not entirely convenient, especially when you need to get an answer to a “burning question”. To make communication with the unconscious more manageable and predictable, there are special techniques.
Of course, to obtain more effective results, skills are required. But don’t deny yourself the opportunity to learn a little more about this world; remember, academics also once couldn’t read. You can learn everything, feel free to take your first step. This technique is based on visualization and presupposes the presence of at least primary skills in entering a trance. If you don’t know them yet, be sure to find an opportunity to learn, but for now...
1. Decide on the question. What desire would you like to clarify for yourself? Don't know what you want?
2. Relax, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and exhale. Leave the bustle, worries and problems in the outside world.
3. Determine your starting point. You will build on it. Provide a rough image of what you want. If you are looking for where to go on vacation, then imagine a city or area; If you want to buy a thing, then without any effort on yourself, just let the first thought come and leave this image as the starting point.
4. Allow the image to “spin”, transform, flow from one to another. Your eyes will still be closed. Dream. There is no need to make any conscious effort; let your images and thoughts flow at their own pace.
5. Wait until some of the flow of images stabilizes and stops changing. You will have a desire to slow down, a feeling of joy and confidence will appear that this is really “it”. A warm wave can run through your body. You will feel emotional uplift, delight, inspiration. Pay special attention to bodily reactions. If even the slightest doubt arises, you feel tension, then don’t stop, continue to follow the flow of images. When you find “yours”, you will have no doubts, you will bathe in positive emotions.
6. Having received the answer, thank yourself and the unconscious for your help and support. This will help you strengthen your future relationship with your inner self and will help you gain communication skills faster.
Over time, with regular training, you will learn to easily understand your unconscious and will receive answers much faster and more accurately, and sometimes right in the process of action related to your intention. Some of the answers may surprise you.
But keep in mind that the unconscious is guided not only by your desires, but also has access to information that is not available to most people. His answer will be dictated, first of all, by the desire for your well-being, even if it seems to you that this is not exactly what you expected. Learn to trust yourself, and you will have the opportunity to live a happy and joyful life around the clock!
"Find yourself without searching" .
Hi dear
I often write and speak about purpose and how to find yourself. I get a lot positive feedback and thanks about ours and about . But once I received a letter that I constantly remember.
One beautiful girl wrote that she could not answer 90% of the questions in the workbook. And this is not a test of knowledge in trigonometry, this is a way to remember what I like, what I love, how it feels to be myself.
Therefore, a great solution would be to study your body. How? For example like this:
- Yoga. It’s just important to choose a good instructor. I wrote how to do this. A good instructor will always teach you how to feel how during an asana some muscles are completely relaxed, others tense, and some stretch.
- If yoga is not suitable for some reason, you can choose Pilates or stretching. Slow training, when it is important not to rush, but to carefully monitor yourself, stretch, work with your boundaries, breathe in the place where the pain awakens, let go of this pain while exhaling slowly.
- Everyday attention to the body. You don't have to go to the gym to learn to understand yourself. Better yet, combine these points. Just constantly pay attention to your body throughout the day: you may feel a tightness or pain somewhere, coldness in your feet or heat in your cheeks. Where are the sensations? Do you like them or not so much? If not, what can you do to make you feel more comfortable: wear warm socks, drink hot tea, stretch, or just lie down for 5 minutes? Every day. Constantly.
WHAT WRITING PRACTICES CAN HELP:
Target writing practices is also aimed at remembering who I am, through understanding what I like and what I don’t, what I’m experiencing now and whether I want to prolong it.
Buy a beautiful notebook and start writing in it every day. For example, you can write down answers to such seemingly simple questions:
- What ?;
- the most beautiful and kind thought of the day;
- three things that lifted my spirits;
- That's what got on my nerves;
- three things that made me nervous today;
- how satisfied I am with life;
- what color is my mood?
I can also offer several ready-made results:
The topic of this post is not at all simple. And what is described above are the conclusions that I was able to draw on my path of development and understanding of myself. Although I believe there is much more to come, and over time I will be able to write another post with new insights and recommendations.
And of course I really want to receive feedback from you to better understand this interesting question. Do you understand yourself and your desires? What helps you stay connected with yourself?
I will be glad if the post was useful. If so, share it on social networks;)
I wish each of us to feel strong inner rod who will not allow himself to be cheated on.
With wishes of happiness,
This post is one of the most popular. What can I say, this is the most frequently asked question I'm having consultations. More than 50 thousand read the post, and how many of these thousands began to do and change something?
I know that sometimes we need someone to lend a helping hand, or better yet, to hug and support us on our journey to ourselves. This is why I created a marathon "Find yourself without searching" the second stream of which starts on February 25, 2019. Read more about it.
And if you want to always stay in touch, subscribe to updates in or at. I will be very glad to our close communication;)