In everyday conversations, we often use various manipulative words. We have a thirst for manipulation since childhood. Each of us loves to command and each of us loves when other people obey his orders unquestioningly.
It elevates you above other people and gives you a strong sense of being in control of the situation and situation. Where is this most evident? In the army. The one who is senior in rank is the one in charge. And his orders are not discussed. And if you are told that you should dig a trench from here until lunchtime, you need to obey.
The greatest pleasure comes from managing people. Not any technical means, or devices, but people.
There are some questions that clearly imply a positive answer. “Don’t you think so?”, “Do you feel it?”, “Don’t you?” They prompt the interlocutor to respond positively.
At the same time, the word “Must” can be translated as “in my opinion.” This is the most powerful manipulator that exists in the Russian language. Let's put it in context: “Without any doubt, I believe that you should sign this document.”
If we analyze this expression in detail, it could be translated as: “Do it as I want.”
As you all have probably seen a long time ago - in our Everyday life there are a lot of gossips. And most of them favorite hobby– spread gossip left and right. And it doesn’t matter at all where this gossip came from. Perhaps they even came up with it themselves. But the goal is to spread it as far as possible.
And these people so often try to hide their desire to tell something that they constantly hide it behind statements like: “You won’t believe it, but...”, “I shouldn’t tell you this, but...”, etc. And, another one of the most frequent - “Just don’t tell anyone, I heard that...”
That's why when you're in Once again If you hear an expression of this kind, you know that gossip is beginning.
There is another manipulative word - “I hope.” This is one of the most smart ways hide yours own opinion. When put in context, it might sound something like this: “I hope you'll be on your best behavior when I go away for a few minutes.”
This is what a teacher usually says to her students when she is about to leave the classroom for a while. With this phrase, she means the following: “I want you to sit quietly and not make noise when I’m not there. Otherwise, everyone will fuck me, starting from the head teacher and ending with the school director.”
Oh, one more thing. When someone tells you “I'll be gone for 10 minutes,” in metalanguage it means that they are going to be gone for an indefinite period of time. Usually from 20 minutes to an hour.
Well, for a snack - another manipulator that is often used in colloquial speech. It sounds like this: “I could add one more thing...”.
This expression implies that the listener will enthusiastically exclaim something like: “Of course, continue!”
If a girl tells you something like that, support her with the phrase: “Well, well, go ahead, continue, what happened there?”
And in 99.9% of cases, she will continue to babble with even greater enthusiasm until you stop her. Remember one thing - people love to be listened to. And girls especially love it when people listen to them carefully. It's not often that they come across a guy like you on their way.
Another phrase that girls like to say: “It’s not about the money at all, it’s about the principle!” When you hear this, you should definitely check your wallet, because you will have to pay for lunch. This expression is translated as follows: “It’s about the money!”
People who have strong narcissistic tendencies, as well as so-called toxic partners, are known for their manipulative tactics.
Some of them deliberately try to confuse and deceive. Others are more primitive and straightforward in their behavior, which unbalances a person.
Note.Below are phrases for male and female manipulators that will one way or another help to subjugate a person to your will.
Be that as it may, such people are prone to projections, shift responsibility for their actions onto others, blame others, and use gaslighting.
Here are some of the most common manipulative phrases that abusers often tell their victims, as well as what is hidden behind them, you can use them for your insidious purposes:
If the manipulator goes into an open attack, he will use his most severe element of influence - threat:
- Nobody will believe you. I will try to isolate you and turn everyone against you.
- I hate you. I want to make you suffer so that you feel unloved, unworthy and bad.
- Know your place! You've crossed the line, you need to become more obedient.
- Shut up! Sit quietly, be submissive and don't ask questions.
- You will regret this. You offend me and cause me pain.
- You always / never (not) do this. I will exaggerate and make a mountain out of a mountain to make you look bad.
- I will tell everyone what kind of person you are. I will slander you and turn everyone against you.
- You don't know what I'm capable of. I will do anything to punish you.
- I'll make you pay. You offended me and I will punish you for it.
When the arguments run out or do not work as expected, the manipulator will try to divert responsibility from himself, thereby giving himself room for the next attack:
- You are never satisfied with anything! You shouldn't complain or feel dissatisfied with my behavior.
- What happened, happened. I don't want to be responsible for this.
- You're just crazy. I didn't do anything wrong, it's your problem.
- I promise this won't happen again. I want you to treat me as if nothing happened.
- Nonsense! You take everything too personally.
- I was just joking. On the contrary, this is not a joke at all.
- Nobody is perfect. You should not criticize my behavior and doubt my actions.
- You can't do this! You need to listen to me, not yourself.
- Relax, everything is fine. You are overreacting to my toxic behavior, which I think is completely reasonable.
The manipulator's favorite weapon is drama. Introducing an element of tragedy is like showing your skills, honed over the years. If these phrases are present in a conversation, the performance has begun!
- You're too sensitive. Your reaction to my toxic behavior is excessive and unreasonable.
- Don't be so impressionable. I want to emphasize that you overreact to everything and only provoke conflicts.
- I don't remember this. So it didn't happen.
- Don't play the victim! You shouldn't feel offended and notice that I'm manipulating you.
- It doesn't matter. You better not think about it.
- You're exaggerating everything. It's not as bad as you think (it's much worse).
- I know that you love me. I know better how you feel about me than you do yourself.
- You can not do it without me. I believe that you need me to survive, so don't jeopardize our relationship.
- You shouldn't communicate with them. I don't want you to run away from me or see how unhealthy our relationship is.
Well, where would we be without the most effective weapon – guilt. A manipulator can make a person feel guilty: false accusations both insults and elements of humiliation.
- It's for your own good. Translation: you should be grateful, not upset.
- It's your fault. Translation: I didn't do anything wrong, it's all you.
- You are cold and cruel! You don't know how to forgive! You shouldn't hold me responsible for my behavior.
- You deserved it. It's very simple - you deserve to be treated poorly.
- You provoke me. My toxic behavior is simply a reaction to your actions.
- You made me do it. Translation: I have no control over myself and you are responsible for what I did.
- You are manipulating me. It is not I who manipulate you, but you.
- You offend me. I'm the victim here.
- This is where I make decisions. You have no right to speak out.
- You know I love you. I want you to keep giving me what I want.
- I already apologized, why are you pushing me away? I think you are being unfair to me.
- So who are you after that? You are nothing.
- Nobody loves you. I want to make you feel worthless.
These are just a few of the most common of the endless list of phrases that manipulators tell their partners and loved ones in order to shift responsibility onto them and get what they want from them. We recommend being extremely careful when using them!
The best phrases for manipulating people
1. Damn, this house is really gorgeous.
The speech you give will have a much greater impact if you add lungs to it. swear words. This theory has been proven more than once by scientists various countries. Also, experienced manipulators know that the closer you are to the listener, the simpler you speak, the easier it is to convey your thoughts to him.
Shearer and Sagarin, scientists from the USA, conducted research in 2006, as a result of which it was officially proven that the use of light swear words at the beginning or end of a phrase greatly increases its effect. Large group people was divided into two parts. The same speeches were made before them, the only difference was that “damn it” was added to one of the speeches. Oddly enough, those who listened to the speech with light curses remembered it better, were more attentive, and expressed their trust in the speaker. As they noted, the speaker was convincing; there was a sense of confidence in his speech that could inspire confidence in the advertised product.
If you use swear words moderately, your the speech will turn from the rank of formal to more humane, destroying all barriers between the speaker and the audience. In Russia, this technique is successfully used by the creative studio of Artemy Lebedev. One motivational poster features Artemy himself and the inscription: “How to force yourself to do something? No way, always stay in the ass.” The picture was an incredible success on social networks and created a real explosion.
2. Why not?
The ability to overcome objections is perhaps one of the most key and important skills manipulator. Let's say you ask a person for a favor, you seem to be doing everything right, since you studied as we advised, but you receive a firm and decisive refusal. What to do next? How to behave? There is a way out, ask the question head-on: “Why not?” A person who hears such a question automatically feels justified and must look for logical and correct reasons for why he refused you. Often such arguments cannot be found quickly, and in order not to look stupid, you have to agree to a favor.
Researchers who specialize in manipulation techniques have several theories explaining the effectiveness this method. Firstly, it's all about a person's persistence. You've been rejected once, keep pushing, don't back down. The way the brain works is that it’s not hard to refuse once, but if you continue to insist, then saying “no” becomes more and more difficult. Emotions take over, and feelings of guilt, sympathy, and reluctance to look stupid make you succumb to pressure. Secondly, this technique is associated with a state of cognitive dissonance - a feeling of discomfort from the presence of two opposite points vision. A person wants to get rid of it as quickly as possible, even by giving up his opinion.
3. You can use your computer to send email.
This method is called "placebo information." The essence of the technique is that the manipulator must communicate the reason why he needs to perform this or that action. As a rule, the reason should be minor and understandable. According to research, if you state the reasons why you want to do something, the chance of a successful outcome increases by 30%. You don't always have to tell the truth, or rather, you don't have to tell it at all. The main thing is to provide a compelling and understandable argument why you should be helped.
4. This one costs a million dollars
This technique is very popular in the field of trade and sales. IN English language she even has her own specific name door-in-the-face. The principle is that initially the manipulator sets a price that seems unrealistic at all, and the buyer, naturally, cannot afford to purchase this product at this price. Then comes the second stage, where the manipulator reduces the price, making it much less compared to the original figure. A strong contrast is created, and the buyer believes that this is a very profitable offer, because literally the price was much higher, and now he is clearly making the right decision.
There is also a reverse technique called foot-in-the-door. Here they initially offer to buy something inexpensive, and if the person agrees, that is Great chance that he will make a more significant purchase without any problems.
Often stores cheat and try to use this technique. The buyer orders a product, comes to pick it up, but it turns out that the selected model is not in stock. There is a similar one, with similar characteristics and parameters, but a little more expensive. The buyer has already mentally prepared himself for the purchase and easily decides to spend more just to complete what he started.
5. Second item is free
We are sure that many of you have experienced this sales technique, this simple, but at the same time incredible effective method buyer manipulation. How does it work? There are many variations in the use of this technique, but they are all built on a sense of rationality and awareness that should arise in the buyer.
A person, buying a product at a discount, or receiving something as a gift, feels that he is acting correctly, carefully, rationally, economically. Also here the effect “for free and sweet vinegar” is included. Well, who doesn’t like receiving gifts, especially if they are given for practically nothing? Everyone loves them, and to get them you can buy something. When receiving a gift, the buyer experiences interesting feelings, comparable to those that arise when you find money on the street.
By the way, people love to shop, but very often they feel guilty for spending too much. This manipulation technique nullifies these thoughts. The person seems to be justifying himself to himself, justifying his purchase by the fact that he also received an additional bonus for it.
Researcher Dan Arielli, in his book Predictably Irrational, described in detail what happens to people when they hear the word “free.” In a large nightclub, he offered people to get any tattoo for free, and many agreed. But when he said that the tattoo would cost $1, 68% of those who agreed immediately refused. As you can see, it’s not a matter of price, because 1 dollar is also almost free. But the only difference is that it’s “almost”, but not free.
Most manipulative psychopaths actually appear to be nice, nice people on the outside. They use many distracting maneuvers to mislead you and hide their identity for the time being. true face. In this article we will talk about 7 phrases that should alert you. These phrases reveal a destructive personality that you should stay away from.
- "You got it all wrong"
These phrases are designed to distort and undermine your sense of reality. You begin to doubt the validity of your complaints about abuse and mistreatment. With these phrases, the manipulator is trying to convince you that your reaction is inadequate.
- “You are always dissatisfied with everything”, “Nothing suits you at all”
This is the unfounded answer you receive from the manipulator to your completely fair statement that his behavior is unacceptable. Instead of paying attention to the real problem, your offender moves away from the topic, turning all the arrows on you.
- “Oh, and you mean you’re perfect with us?” or “So, in your opinion, I’m bad?”
With this reaction, the manipulator intentionally tries to distort your thoughts and feelings to the point of complete absurdity. He tries to turn your real experiences and completely justified emotions into character flaws and evidence of your inadequacy. This gives him the opportunity to discount your right to have thoughts and emotions about his inappropriate behavior. And as a result: you begin to feel guilty.
- “I’m a good guy/girl”, “I can be trusted”
When someone strongly emphasizes that he/she is good or can be trusted, be wary. Destructive and violent individuals exaggerate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They can skillfully “disguise” by feigning sympathy and empathy at the beginning of your relationship. However, later they will reveal their true colors. When the cycle of abuse reaches the stage of devaluation, the mask begins to slip and you see their true nature: cynical, callous and dismissive.
- "Aren `t you ashamed!"
One of the favorite phrases of destructive personalities, although it can also be heard from quite normal people. However, in the mouth of the manipulator it turns into effective method fighting what threatens their undivided power. With this method they destroy the feeling self-esteem Victims: If the victim dares to be proud of something, then instilling shame in her for this achievement can lower her self-esteem.
- “You attach too much importance to everything”
Manipulators purposely do things that make you feel borderline paranoid. To do this, they throw various hints at you and make you anxious, so that they can then blame you for this very anxiety. Their goal is to turn the reaction they provoked against you so that you look crazy. Manipulators can make a person defenseless and insecure.
- “I hate drama”, “You’re too sensitive”
Manipulators first idealize you until you take the bait. And then they begin to devalue you, showing contempt for what previously attracted them to you.
They deliberately create provocations and when you react, they blame you. From the point of view of the manipulator, all their former lovers, colleagues and friends are crazy, jealous, and depressed. Then they throw you into the same “crazy” basket, continuing endless cycle idealization and devaluation, into which every unfortunate person who finds themselves in their path falls.
How to resist manipulation in business communication
During negotiations, businessmen are often subject to pressure. Sometimes manipulation is dictated by an unconscious desire to influence the interlocutor. But most often the goal is quite meaningful: to force the partner to take a certain action.
What manipulation techniques are most often used and how to counter them? Find out about this from the article in “Commercial Director” magazine.
Learn to manipulate words and you can control the world.
Each of us is at risk of exposure. We cannot immediately recognize that “something is unclean”: everything seems to go on as usual, the usual dialogue develops, you perform an action, come home and ask the question: “Why did I do that?”
Pay attention to manipulative phrases that are most often used to control a person. Perhaps someone from your circle is trying to take control of you too?
Negative manipulative phrases
First, let's learn about manipulation phrases that should make you feel comfortable to the manipulator. How they will affect you specifically is difficult to say, but one thing is clear: your interlocutor will feel good, and you will be lucky.
"But you"
The purpose of such phrases is to evoke false feeling guilt. Have you heard that “You’re a housewife”, “You’re a woman” and others similar expressions to your address? If yes, then know that they tried to manipulate you with words. Next time you hear this, don't try to make excuses. Feel free to declare: “Yes, I am not just a housewife, I am the best housewife in the world”, “I am a woman, but I choose how to behave myself”, “I am not responsible for the fact that I am a mother to anyone except my own child."
"If you are"
False promises, that is, those manipulative phrases that should not be trusted in principle. As an example: “I will be with you if you lose a few kilos/quit your job/don’t hang out with your friends.”
Even if the person who talks about this really stays with you, you can hardly expect happiness in the relationship. “If you” are phrases of manipulation in which Dislike lies hidden, it’s a secret code, if you like. Way of satisfaction own needs. An attempt to “re-educate” you.
Positive manipulative expressions
Open literally any women's magazine and you will see advice that you need to manipulate words using " positive phrases" That is, frankly speaking, flattery.
"You are the best"
Let's give a simple example. Your husband wants you to cook a rack of lamb. He declares that “No one can make this dish better than you.” Result? You spend several hours in the kitchen, remaining confident that your spouse is very sweet and caring. He is truly convinced of your cooking skills. It also “hints” that it would be nice for you, after cooking the lamb, to meet him in something sexy, because it suits you so well with your chiseled figure!
But if you look into the situation, it turns out that your husband is a manipulator. The negative side is that he is not completely sincere with you, he tries to influence your subconscious, pursuing own goals. Don't allow anyone to manipulate you with words, no matter how nice they may be. Particularly dangerous are the manipulations of phrases of an overtly positive nature in professional field and business sphere. Excessive compliance with compliments can significantly undermine your authority and status.
Manipulators who undermine your self-confidence
If a manipulator is trying to influence your confidence, as a rule, he behaves at ease and by all appearances shows that you take the issue too seriously/incorrectly/illogically.
“You shouldn’t give it so much importance.”
But you give! So it's important to you. Perhaps the person uttered this phrase without any intent. But there is a high probability that he is trying to control your actions in this way. The goal is that you should feel unsure of yourself and wonder if you are paranoid?
Let's give an example. Your boyfriend is flirting with his ex in social network. You notice this and ask him to stop this communication. But in response you hear that the situation does not deserve attention at all. It seems that you are at fault. But a person who knows how to manipulate words in this way most likely does it with intent. It is not without reason that he tries to confuse your intuition, distracting you from his “liberties”, which will probably be unpleasant to you.
"I hate drama"
If a person declares this, then there is a great risk that his life without drama is impossible. The manipulator may praise you, talking about how wonderful you are. easy character. However, such happiness does not last long; he gets tired of the lack of emotional shocks. In order to get a release, the manipulator begins to provoke you, to provoke emotions. And after you break down, he goes underground, accuses you of psychological instability and says that he “hates drama.” After this, you most likely will no longer express your dissatisfaction openly, for fear of disturbing this “calm and peace-loving” person again. He remains in the role of a calm and emotionally stable person.
"You are very sensitive"
The main goal of a manipulator is to evoke emotions in a person. He may flatter you and then refuse to communicate with you. But at the same time, observe your behavior and your reaction. Most people will react in the right way and hear accusations of being overly demanding and sensitive. As a rule, the manipulator presents insults and criticism in a humorous and teasing form. However, it is still impossible not to be indignant. The provoked reaction will turn against you, you will feel depressed and defenseless.
"You're getting it all wrong"
Every couple faces difficulties and misunderstandings. But if your close person- a manipulator, then he will arrange provocations on purpose. Seeing your reaction, he will blame you for everything that is happening and will replay the situation not in your favor. In most cases, the manipulator states that he did not say anything that caused the conflict at all. Why is he doing this? This is done rather “for the future”, since your emotional reaction in the past can become a trump card in any other situation that is inconvenient for you.
Remember the word “gaslighting.” This term defines a situation in which someone specifically does/says something in order to further accuse the opponent of misunderstanding the event/words. Or completely deny that what was done or said took place.
“You love me/drunk/jealous/crazy”
When the situation becomes difficult, he may resort to labeling. He states that you are in love with him, have drunk too much, are manic-depressive, or have an overly heightened sense of jealousy. The problem can get worse when the manipulator appeals to those whom he himself has previously denounced to you.
We recommend that you listen more to what the people around you say. If you notice that they are trying to control you by controlling you with manipulative phrases, do not leave the situation unattended. Learn to recognize and prevent manipulation. A The best way To avoid them is to end relations with such a person, whose favorite pastime is manipulating words and phrases.