Conflicts between children are quite common occurrence, immutable attribute their growing up and emotional development. Despite the fact that conflicts at school cause many negative emotions, both for the child himself and for his parents, they are still useful, as they teach the teenager to solve problems and find mutual language with peers. Communication skills will definitely be useful to him in the future, not only for building, but also for productive cooperation at work, because modern business requires the ability to work harmoniously in a team, take responsibility for one’s responsibilities, and sometimes even be able to manage and organize the work process. So, children must be able to conflict. But how to do it correctly so as not to offend deep feelings each other? And how to get out of conflict situations?
Causes of conflicts at school
How younger child, the lower its level intellectual development, and the less in his arsenal of social skills for resolving disputes. As the child grows up, certain models of relationships with peers and adults are developed in the child’s mind. Such models social behavior persist for many years, and may undergo some changes only during adolescence.
And while children grow up, they are forced to learn to fight for their interests. Most often, conflict between children at school arises due to a struggle for authority. In each class there are several leaders who are forced to confront each other, involving other students in the conflict. Often this can be a confrontation between boys and girls, or, for example, one person and the whole class. School-age children tend to demonstrate their own superiority, sometimes even this can manifest itself in cynicism and cruelty towards others and especially towards weaker children.
Conflict between students can occur for the following reasons:
- mutual insults and gossip
- betrayal
- love and sympathy for classmates who do not reciprocate
- fighting for one guy or one girl
- lack of mutual understanding between children
- rejection individual team
- rivalry and struggle for leadership
- dislike of teachers' "favorites"
- personal grievances
Most often, those children who do not have close friends and do not get into conflictsare interested in something outside of school.
Preventing conflicts at school
Although conflict helps develop social skills in children, parents should try to avoid frequent quarrels and constant for their children. After all, the conflict can be resolved quickly and calmly, without mutual humiliation and insults. You should not get into a conflict, especially if you feel that your child can cope with the situation on his own. Excessive care in this case will only do harm. But if it seems to you that the child cannot end the conflict on his own, you need to intervene in the situation very carefully. There is no need to put too much pressure on either your child or his opponent. There is no need to demand a public apology. You should not behave like an adult who has power and is able to radically influence the situation. You, of course, are wiser and smarter than your schoolchild, but, nevertheless, it is better to take on the role of a friend who simply tells you what to do, but does not personally participate in the showdown. This will be more natural and will allow children to learn how to get out of even the most difficult situations.
After the conflict is resolved, talk to your child. Tell him that there will be many more similar conflicts in his life, and now you need to take into account all your mistakes in order to prevent them in the future.
Very often, parents think about how to avoid conflict at school, even early stages when they just begin to notice their child’s tense relationships with classmates or friends in the yard. Try to create such an atmosphere of trust in the family so that the child does not hesitate to share his problems with you. In this case, your advice can help quickly correct the situation.
Be sure to find one for your child favorite hobby. This could be a creative circle or. Based common interests the child will be able to find close friends with whom he will not conflict. This will help him take his mind off stupid fights in the class for leadership, for the love of teachers, and sometimes even for no reason at all.
Modern life is impossible without conflicts. Therefore, children must learn to resolve them without hostility and aggression. After all, only constructive criticism can allow you to make an informed, most correct and balanced decision. Only an open and straightforward dialogue helps to identify hidden problems and establish normal, trusting relationships. So there is nowhere without conflicts in our lives! But they must be resolved quickly, since hidden aggression and hidden grievances can negatively affect the mental and emotional condition person, develop complexes in him and lead to prolonged depression.
The child’s conflict leads to distrust in his direction, hostility, and subsequently to the consolidation of stereotypes in his mind conflict behavior. Be sure to monitor the relationships your child maintains at school, with classmates and teachers. Try to gently and carefully correct his behavior and attitude towards others.
In the process of professional activity In addition to his immediate responsibilities related to teaching and educating the younger generation, a teacher has to communicate with colleagues, students, and their parents.
In daily interactions, it is hardly possible to avoid conflict situations. And is it necessary? After all, by correctly resolving a tense moment, it is easy to achieve good results. constructive results, bring people together, help them understand each other, and achieve progress in educational aspects.
Definition of conflict. Destructive and constructive ways conflict resolution
What is conflict? Definitions of this concept can be divided into two groups. IN public consciousness conflict is most often synonymous with hostile, negative confrontation between people due to incompatibility of interests, norms of behavior, and goals.
But there is another understanding of conflict as an absolutely natural phenomenon in the life of society, which does not necessarily lead to negative consequences. On the contrary, when choosing in the right direction its course, it is an important component of the development of society.
Depending on the results of resolving conflict situations, they can be designated as destructive or constructive. The result of a destructive collision is dissatisfaction of one or both parties with the outcome of the collision, destruction of relationships, resentment, and misunderstanding.
A conflict is constructive, the solution of which was useful for the parties involved in it, if they built, acquired something valuable for themselves in it, and were satisfied with its result.
Variety of school conflicts. Causes and solutions
Conflict in school is a multifaceted phenomenon. When communicating with participants school life, the teacher also has to be a psychologist. The following “debriefing” of clashes with each group of participants can become a “cheat sheet” for a teacher on exams in the subject “School Conflict”.
Conflict "Student - student"
Disagreements between children are a common occurrence, including in school life. IN in this case The teacher is not a conflicting party, but sometimes it is necessary to take part in a dispute between students.
Causes of conflicts between students
- struggle for authority
- rivalry
- deception, gossip
- insults
- grievances
- hostility towards the teacher's favorite students
- personal dislike for a person
- sympathy without reciprocity
- fight for a girl (boy)
Ways to resolve conflicts between students.
How can such disagreements be resolved constructively? Very often, children can resolve a conflict situation on their own, without the help of an adult. If teacher intervention is still necessary, it is important to do so in a calm manner. It is better to do without putting pressure on the child, without public apologies, and limit yourself to a hint. It is better if the student himself finds an algorithm for solving this problem. Constructive conflict will add social skills to the child’s experience, which will help him communicate with peers and teach him how to solve problems, which will be useful to him in adult life.
After resolving a conflict situation, dialogue between the teacher and the child is important. It is good to call the student by name; it is important that he feels an atmosphere of trust and goodwill. You can say something like: “Dima, conflict is not a reason to worry. There will be many more disagreements like this in your life, and that's not a bad thing. It is important to solve it correctly, without mutual reproaches and insults, to draw conclusions, to work on mistakes. Such a conflict will be useful."
A child often quarrels and shows aggression if he has no friends and hobbies. In this case, the teacher can try to correct the situation by talking with the student’s parents, recommending that the child enroll in a club or sports section, according to his interests. A new activity will not leave time for intrigue and gossip, but will give you an interesting and useful pastime and new acquaintances.
Conflict “Teacher - student’s parent”
Such conflicting actions can be provoked by both the teacher and the parent. Dissatisfaction can be mutual.
Causes of conflict between teacher and parents
- different ideas of the parties about the means of education
- parent's dissatisfaction with teacher's teaching methods
- personal animosity
- parent's opinion about the unreasonable underestimation of the child's grades
Ways to resolve conflicts with student parents.
How can such discontent be constructively resolved and stumbling blocks broken? When a conflict situation arises at school, it is important to sort it out calmly, realistically, and without distortion, look at things. Usually, everything happens differently: the conflicting person turns a blind eye to own mistakes, at the same time looking for them in the opponent’s behavior.
When the situation is soberly assessed and the problem is outlined, it is easier for the teacher to find the true cause conflict with a “difficult” parent, evaluate the correctness of the actions of both parties, and outline the path to a constructive resolution of the unpleasant moment.
The next step On the way to agreement there will be an open dialogue between the teacher and the parent, where the parties are equal. The analysis of the situation will help the teacher express his thoughts and ideas about the problem to the parent, show understanding, clarify the common goal, and together find a way out of the current situation.
After resolving the conflict, drawing conclusions about what was done wrong and how to act so that a tense moment does not occur will help prevent similar situations in future.
Example:
Anton is a self-confident high school student who does not have extraordinary abilities. Relations with the guys in the class are cool, there are no school friends.
At home, the boy characterizes the children in a negative way, pointing out their shortcomings, fictitious or exaggerated, shows dissatisfaction with the teachers, and notes that many teachers lower his grades.
The mother unconditionally believes her son and assents to him, which further spoils the boy’s relationship with his classmates and causes negativity towards the teachers.
The volcano of conflict explodes when a parent comes to school in anger with complaints against the teachers and school administration. No amount of persuasion or persuasion has a cooling effect on her. The conflict does not stop until the child graduates from school. It is obvious that this situation is destructive.
What could be a constructive approach to solving a pressing problem?
Using the above recommendations, we can assume that Anton’s class teacher could analyze the current situation something like this: “The mother’s conflict with school teachers Anton provoked. This indicates the boy’s internal dissatisfaction with his relationships with the guys in the class. The mother added fuel to the fire without understanding the situation, increasing her son’s hostility and mistrust of the people around him at school. Which caused a response, which was expressed by the cool attitude of the guys towards Anton.”
The common goal of the parent and teacher could be the desire to unite Anton's relationship with the class.
A good result can be obtained from a dialogue between the teacher and Anton and his mother, which would show a desire class teacher help the boy. It is important that Anton himself wants to change. It’s good to talk with the guys in the class so that they reconsider their attitude towards the boy, entrust them with joint responsible work, organize extracurricular activities, promoting the unity of the guys.
Conflict "Teacher - student"
Such conflicts are perhaps the most frequent, because students and teachers spend hardly less time together than parents and children.
Causes of conflicts between teacher and students
- lack of unity in teachers' demands
- excessive demands on the student
- inconstancy of teacher's demands
- failure to comply with requirements by the teacher himself
- the student feels underestimated
- the teacher cannot come to terms with the student's shortcomings
- personal qualities of a teacher or student (irritability, helplessness, rudeness)
Resolving teacher-student conflict
It is better to defuse a tense situation without leading it to conflict. To do this, you can use some psychological techniques.
The natural reaction to irritability and raising your voice is similar actions. The consequence of a conversation in a raised voice will be an aggravation of the conflict. That's why right action on the part of the teacher there will be a calm, friendly, confident tone in response to the student’s violent reaction. Soon the child will also be “infected” by the calmness of the teacher.
Dissatisfaction and irritability most often come from lagging students who do not conscientiously perform school duties. You can inspire a student to succeed in their studies and help them forget about their dissatisfaction by entrusting them with a responsible task and expressing confidence that they will complete it well.
A friendly and fair attitude towards students will be the key to a healthy atmosphere in the classroom and will make it easy to follow the proposed recommendations.
It is worth noting that during the dialogue between teacher and student, it is important to take certain things into account. It is worth preparing for it in advance so that you know what to tell your child. How to say - the component is no less important. A calm tone and absence of negative emotions is what you need to receive good result. And it’s better to forget the commanding tone that teachers often use, reproaches and threats. You need to be able to listen and hear the child.
If punishment is necessary, it is worth thinking through it in such a way as to prevent humiliation of the student and a change in attitude towards him.
Example
A sixth grade student, Oksana, does poorly in her studies, is irritable and rude when communicating with the teacher. During one of the lessons, the girl interfered with other children’s assignments, threw pieces of paper at the children, and did not react to the teacher even after several comments addressed to her. Oksana did not react to the teacher’s request to leave the class either, remaining seated. The teacher's irritation led him to decide to stop teaching the lesson and leave the entire class after school after the bell rang. This, naturally, led to dissatisfaction with the guys.
Such a solution to the conflict led to destructive changes in the mutual understanding of the student and the teacher.
Design solution problems could look in the following way. After Oksana ignored the teacher’s request to stop disturbing the children, the teacher could get out of the situation by laughing it off, saying something with an ironic smile to the girl, for example: “Oksana ate a little porridge today, the range and accuracy of her throw is suffering, the last piece of paper never reached the addressee.” After this, calmly continue teaching the lesson further.
After the lesson, you could try to talk with the girl, show her your friendly attitude, understanding, desire to help. It's a good idea to talk to the girl's parents to find out possible reason similar behavior. Give to the girl more attention, entrust responsible assignments, provide assistance in completing tasks, encourage her actions with praise - all this would be useful in the process of bringing the conflict to a constructive outcome.
A single algorithm for solving any school conflict
Having studied the recommendations given for each of the conflicts in school, you can trace their similarities constructive permission. Let's designate it again.
- The first thing that will be beneficial when a problem is ripe is calm.
- The second point is to analyze the situation without vicissitudes.
- Third important point is an open dialogue between the conflicting parties, the ability to listen to the interlocutor, calmly express your view on the problem of the conflict.
- The fourth thing that will help you reach the desired constructive result is identifying common goal, ways to solve the problem that allow you to achieve this goal.
- The last, fifth point will be conclusions that will help avoid communication and interaction mistakes in the future.
So what is conflict? Good or evil? The answers to these questions lie in the way tense situations are resolved. The absence of conflicts in school is almost impossible. And you still have to solve them. A constructive solution brings with it trusting relationships and peace in the classroom, a destructive solution accumulates resentment and irritation. Stop and think at the moment when irritation and anger surge - important point in choosing your own way to resolve conflict situations.
In this article we'll talk about conflicts at school. Let's look at common myths about conflicts and talk about effective strategies, which the teacher can use in his work.
Myths about conflict situations
In a good group there will be no conflicts. In what situations can there really be no conflict? For example, in a dating situation, when children are just looking closely, rapprochement occurs gradually, everyone is quite careful and correct, and even if some situation offends the participant, many make the choice to “swallow” for now. In a situation where the participants are very distant from each other, when rapprochement has not occurred and none of the participants is interested in it. In fact, this is not really a group. This is more common in groups when the participants are adults and the group is temporary (for example, short-term training). In a school team consisting of different active participants with a small number social experience, a team that has existed for several years, there simply cannot be conflicts. Another thing is that the teacher may not notice the conflict if the students hide it. But this is already about high school. In all other situations, conflict is a situation that is normal for the group. Another question is how this conflict looks and is experienced by the participants.
Conflict is a clash of interests of participants, a struggle for any possible resources (the attention of someone, status in a group), defending oneself and one’s interests. Can be open and hidden conflicts. It happens that you come to class, and you feel that everything inside is “ringing” from tension, although no one is swearing.
There can be no serious conflicts in elementary school. There is a widespread belief that children are by nature non-aggressive and kind, and therefore cannot wish harm to anyone. Usually this is true, and in elementary school it is often we're talking about about unintentional insults, etc. That is, the children did not initially plan it, it just happened that way. And then it stuck. And it intensified. There are several popular dystopian films on this topic, such as Lord of the Flies. Parents are usually now actively involved in situations of school conflict. Unfortunately, this does not always lead to its resolution. Any conflict, even kindergarten, should not be left without the attention of the teacher. In many situations, initial stage Simply being attentive is enough to help children cope with the situation.
Children must deal with the conflict themselves. This is a controversial idea. On the one hand, yes, children can gain valuable experience of independence, experience in resolving a difficult situation. But the situation may be too much for them, then they will get the experience of a captain on an uncontrollable ship: the responsibility seems to be on them, and there are not enough resources to change the situation.
Children do not have rich social experience, so they cannot cope correctly and safely with complex and/or protracted conflicts. Adult help is needed. Another question is that help can be different.
The cause of the conflict may be any significant difference from others in the group. No, that's not true. As we have already said, a conflict arises when the interests of the participants collide. Overweight, thin, with glasses, a “nerd”, a “low student”, a child with disabilities, etc. – it doesn’t matter.
The same child with any differences in one group will receive the support and care of its members, he will be accepted, but in another group he will face condemnation and bullying. The cause of conflict is always internal processes that happen in the group. If a conflict is brewing in a group, the reason for it may be various situations and behavior of participants.
If in a group the conflict takes the form of mockery, constant poisonous jokes on someone, damage to property, etc., the terms “ school bullying", "bullying", "mobbing". These situations deserve separate careful consideration.
An example from real life. The easiest way is to recall a couple of examples from your school childhood, pay attention to your feelings in that situation and remember the conclusions that you made then (as a child). In the fifth grade, I myself had a tense relationship with a girl from a parallel class. One day, both of our classes were waiting for teachers in a dark corridor (the lessons were in neighboring rooms). Word for word, insults and fighting. I miraculously managed to land more blows, and I heard threats addressed to me. Then I ran away from class and took roundabout paths to return home. The girl was chasing me, it was scary, but at some point she fell behind. There was no continuation of the story; we both tried not to meet. It was incredibly scary to go to school for the next few months, and I also understood that none of the adults could help me and were not going to do this.
An example from work experience. But here is another situation that I encountered as a specialist. Two guys from junior school explored each other. Their research had gone quite far, but they themselves did not attach any significance to the situation. And then the teacher finds out about this and reports the situation to the director, who, in turn, asks parents to come, as well as invited psychologists. The parents were shocked, but at the same time grateful for the personal invitation and individual conversation about the situation. It was proposed to hold a meeting with the children’s parents, teachers and school administration, which would be conducted by invited specialists. At this meeting, it was possible to agree on decisions that were important for parents and teachers, including those related to the safety of children at school. An alternative scenario, in the event of passivity of the school administration, could be an appeal to the police, as well as complaints to the appropriate authorities.
What actions of a teacher can help in a conflict situation?
1. Attention to yourself and your feelings. To notice a difficult situation at the initial stage, you should listen to yourself. At this stage, the situation is almost impossible to track by other means. As you can see, something went wrong in the group:
you catch yourself thinking that you don’t want to teach a lesson in this particular class;
sometimes started hanging out in the group awkward pause;
there may be a feeling that students are hiding something from you, and this is not related to the Teacher’s Day gift;
the students seem to be distracting themselves and you from some topic or person. They begin to translate the topic, “laugh”, and so on.
2. Be open with your students about your attitude. This advice can help resolve a situation that is at the very beginning of its formation. You can say that you don’t like it when guys fight or insult each other, you’re sorry that they can’t come to an agreement, or you feel uncomfortable this moment being in class because you see injustice, etc. It is very important that your words are sincere. Why does this work? Firstly, for many students, relationships with teachers and the teacher’s personal attitude are important. It often happens that something happens in class, and the children themselves do not yet know how to feel about it: is it good or bad? fun or scary? When you talk about your position and also, for example, ask the guys’ opinions, this gives them the opportunity to find and grope for their own attitude to this situation. Very often, difficult situations grow like a snowball, and the guys involved in the conflict may not have the necessary pause in which they can understand how they themselves understand what is happening now.
3. Offer other solutions. If you have a good relationship with students, they trust you, you can offer them a solution to the situation. Or several options. Either offer a discussion of a specific situation or, conversely, general theme on class hour. This may take the form of a discussion with controversial statements. But perhaps you just offer the guys some solution to the situation and ask their opinion: how do they like this idea? Why not try it? The experimental format works well when you offer something to the guys a short time. For example, during next day address each other as “dear” and by name and patronymic and then briefly discuss the result.
4. If the situation does not go away and your actions do not bring results. In our culture, it is common to deal with all situations on our own. But there are situations when even very effective actions of one person are not enough to resolve the conflict. In this case, you need to contact other teachers, school psychologist, to the school management. Together with your colleagues, you can decide that the help of external specialists is needed. For example, you can call psychologists to work with the class and parents.
5. Community Circle. IN difficult situations targeted actions, as well as the efforts of only one person, may not lead to the desired changes. In more complex situations, it may not be enough coordinated work school staff. Eat various techniques working with conflicts within the school. One of effective technologies– holding a “Community Circle”. This technology is suitable for creating a turning point in complex conflict situations, when working with only one class is not enough and the situation requires systemic intervention. In this case, it is necessary for psychologists to work not only with a specific class, but also with teachers and parents of students of this class. Using this technology, invited specialists create conditions for careful and efficient work team to select necessary solutions based on the values of group members. It's deep and hard work, therefore, it is most effective when it is carried out by invited specialists who are not interested in any specific solutions. Of course, to carry out such work requires a lot of school resources, at least temporary. And sometimes school management decides to “ignore” the conflict. Unfortunately, time can work against the school in these situations, ultimately leading to more costly decisions or dire consequences.
We hope that these tips will help you find guidance in situations that arise and last for a long time. existing conflicts and choose the best strategy to resolve such situations.