This is something that a person, as a rule, does not see or recognize in himself.
This is something that a person, as a rule, does not see or recognize in himself. Something doesn’t work out for him, he doesn’t get what he wants, discontent grows, there are more and more complaints about the world, and at some point he begins to be dissatisfied with almost everything. At the same time, outwardly he may seem grateful and responsive, but internally...
Everyone can test themselves - how satisfied are they with life, what suits them, what doesn’t, reasons? What is he grateful for in life? Why are you grateful for each of the troubles that happened? And so on, rewinding back along your life line.
It will become clear how much gratitude we have and how much discontent.
I'm convinced that chronically dissatisfied people sick with ingratitude. This is a disease that, fortunately, can be treated, but until a diagnosis is made, the method of treatment is unclear.
Those., the main problem- understand and admit to yourself:“Yes, I am an ungrateful person; Yes, I suffer from this; Yes, no matter how much you give me, it will not be enough for me; yes, I think everyone around me owes it to me, because...”
These “because” are different for everyone, but in general they are approximately the same.
Ungrateful people feel deprived- wealth, success, love, some other benefits. Their idea is that since others were given more than they were, it means that these others now owe them something. The universe is also to blame for them, it also lacked something. And now - the main thing - since everyone around me owes me, so why thank me when they give me something, they’re just paying back debts?
The disease “ungratefulness” thus stems from rejection of the universal law of justice. A person has a clear image in his head of what he should get from life, and how everything should turn out for him. If life does not correspond to the plan (and it usually does not), he feels that he was cheated, bypassed when distributing some benefits. From the feeling of deprivation, resentment arises, which is easiest to direct at the people around you (the concept of “Universe” is too abstract, to be resentful you need specific object). And then he walks around offended, and expects compensation from the offenders for the suffering caused. When someone around him does good to him, he takes it for granted, without feeling gratitude: “For what? They owed me money."
The same when good, joyful events happen in his life- he believes that the Universe is paying back debts to him, what it once did not give him, so he does not feel any gratitude to life, because he was returned what was once taken away illegally. It turns out that he has no one to thank and nothing for, and this a big problem, because dissatisfaction with life breeds failure.
Besides, An ungrateful person lives a difficult, dull life - because he is always dissatisfied. No matter how much good is done to him, the feeling of deprivation will remain and will continue to undermine him from the inside.
How can we be here?
The first thing is to deal with grievances. What exactly is a person offended by, and who is actually responsible for this?
Let's say a person is dissatisfied with his material wealth, and blames his parents, who once did not give him good education. There is a shifting of responsibility here, because... after 18 years old, he built his life on his own, and if he wanted, he could give himself everything he needed for a career and success, but for some reason he didn’t, but what does his parents have to do with it?
We blame others when we don’t want (can’t, don’t see) to admit that it’s our responsibility.
If responsibility is distributed correctly, there will be no reason for grievances; it is enough to practice forgiveness, and the grievances will go away. If these are deep grievances, it will require more time and effort, but it is definitely necessary to deal with it.
The second is the rejection of ingratitude as a negative quality. It is important to realize that ingratitude makes a person unhappy, slows down his development, extinguishes his joy in life, and takes away all the good things he has. He simply doesn’t feel it as good, which means he doesn’t appreciate it.
What we do not truly value disappears from our lives over time.
This realization may not happen right away, you need to live with this thought, thinking about it from all sides, applying it to your life - where exactly was ingratitude harmful to me? And then, when awareness has come, there is a desire to free yourself from ingratitude. A person feels that he does not want to live with this anymore, it is already outdated, unnecessary.
When such a feeling appears, ingratitude must be abandoned. This is an ordinary decision, deliberate, balanced, matured within us, which at one moment we simply take and accept with all the determination and understanding that it is correct and useful. You can even say it out loud, the wording can be anything, the main thing is inner unshakable determination and understanding that you are doing everything right now.
And third, learn gratitude. The main thing here is not to stop; gratitude should become a daily ritual that we perform throughout our lives. In a week, your space will clear up significantly - your mood will improve, there will be fewer gloomy thoughts, the world will no longer seem so gloomy, thoughts about the injustice of life will begin to evaporate. In a month the first changes will begin, and after a few months of daily practice you will see that you are living completely differently.
You can believe in the energy of gratitude, you can - no, this does not affect the power of its impact, the main thing is that the gratitude be sincere, from the Soul. published
People cause us the greatest suffering. You do them good. You're depriving yourself. You sacrifice your own comfort. And they respond with ingratitude. Yes, it happens. And with some people it also happens that on their life path Such ungrateful people constantly appear. It really hurts to face ingratitude every time from those people for whom you have done so much.
“Love yourself”, “start thinking about yourself” - say some personal trainers and psychologists. Does not work. The inner need to do good to people requires an outlet. And then comes a painful blow. Ingratitude.
From this article you will learn:
Who are these people who strive to do good? Why do they have this need? Why do those to whom kindness is shown respond with ingratitude?
Ingratitude - who suffers from it?
There are two categories of people who are most susceptible to suffering from ingratitude. These are spectators and analists. Spectators are given by nature to be sacrificial. In some conditions they can be compassionate. From a feeling of pity and compassion, they can do anything for a person - help out in a difficult situation, give their last, vouch for them.
Unscrupulous people take advantage of this with pleasure. They simply exploit visual compassion, playing on their sensitivity to the suffering of others.
Of course he is life scenario negative Although compassion is a natural property visual people , it does not always manifest itself adequately modern landscape. And sacrifice, in which other people begin to use it, is precisely an example of inadequate manifestation of visual properties.To correct your life scenario from negative to positive, you need to realize your properties and implement them correctly.
These skills are taught system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. But there is another category of people who suffer from the ingratitude of others. And we will devote this category Special attention. These are people with anal vector.
These people have a special psyche. They are experiencing psychological comfort only if everything they do for other people and other people do for them is in balance. If a person has done something for them, they will definitely strive to compensate for this with a reciprocal action. And vice versa. If they have done something for a person, they will expect a response. Without even realizing it. They expect gratitude as compensation. This is really important to them.Without receiving this, they experience internal discomfort - a very difficult psychological state.
It would seem that it’s so difficult? Just thank the person. But it is worth understanding that every person who wants to do good does it through himself - from the position of his value systems.
And everyone has their own. So, for people with the anal vector, the value is family, experience, knowledge, friendship. And everything that they perceive as “good” concerns their value systems and has great importance for them. For other people it may have absolutely no value. So, a person with an anal vector, highly valuing knowledge, experience, training, tries to give this to other people. The role of others can be played by those people who do not appreciate it at all. And attempts to transfer knowledge, skills, and abilities are perceived as an imposition. They don't need it and it doesn't matter. Therefore, they do not feel gratitude, and accordingly, they cannot show it.
The result is that one person perceives his action as good for another and unconsciously expects gratitude. The other one does not feel any benefit from this and it does not even occur to him that he should thank the first one for this. The first does not receive compensation, the second receives what he does not need. Nobody wins in this situation.
But when a person with the anal vector is normally developed and realized, he is able to feel what other people expect from him, and, by doing good, he really does good - i.e. gives people what they really care about and need. They, in turn, feel gratitude and respond with it.
The situation when a person does not feel the needs of other people and inadequately demonstrates his desire to do something good for another person arises when the anal vector is not particularly implemented.
Then the person feels the need to receive praise and gratitude from other people. And, in an effort to satiate this lack, he tries to do something good for other people. He does not realize the true reasons for these aspirations, perceiving them as altruistic manifestations.But real reasons His actions do not consist at all in the desire to please other people, but in the desire to receive praise and gratitude from them.
It's always negative. Firstly, because a person, being in such a state, does not feel what is important and necessary for other people, and what he himself perceives as a benefactor is not perceived that way by others, therefore he does not receive deserved (as he himself believes) gratitude .
You can change the direction of your destiny. You can learn to sense the needs of people, and in an effort to do good, actually do what other people will perceive as good. We can learn to realize our qualities of bestowal, and then we will not be limited by internal volume, we will be able to receive as much pleasure as is enough for us to feel satisfaction from life. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan teaches us all this. Today it is available to everyone.
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"ON INGRACE"
I once read the thought of the ancient sages: “Fear the ungrateful.” Then I did not agree with her. Well, just think, I met a man who didn’t say thank you. You can not respect this person, you can, in the end, regret that you didn’t receive good upbringing, but why be afraid?! What evil can be done by ingratitude to cause fear?
And, as always, life itself presents you with the experience of learning. How grateful I am to the sages for simply expressing their thoughts and not explaining them! What a joy that they allow you to reach the truth yourself, to feel and realize with your own nose the amazing correctness and simplicity of the thought expressed!
We have all been taught from childhood to say words of gratitude. If we were given or offered something, our mothers always reminded us: “What should we say?” And we, completely not understanding the meaning of these words, repeated them mechanically, and in response we received a kiss, a smile, praise. We started to like saying these “ magic words" With age, already understanding the meaning of these words, we begin to pronounce them as one of the rules of etiquette, as a way of communication, and, finally, it becomes just a banal habit.
Believe me, everything is not that simple. After all, we say words of gratitude only when they offer us help, present us with gifts, sympathize, congratulate us, say good words, answer relevant question, wish good luck and happiness, understand, rejoice at our successes, forgive mistakes, appreciate our work, etc. And how nice it is to hear “THANK YOU”, which is said to you! This means that you also helped, loved, gave, congratulated, sympathized, forgave, understood, appreciated, rejoiced... Of course, the conditions of external politeness are necessary, but I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about the ungrateful.
Who are these ungrateful people? And here, of course, one cannot do without Dostoevsky. One of the heroes of the novel “Crime and Punishment” says: “The ungrateful hates the one to whom he should be grateful.” This is about the plebeians and the slave man. The feeling of ingratitude is inherent in the humiliated, insulted and poor. By ingratitude they elevate themselves to a social rank, and scream - you owe me, you owe me everything! An ungrateful person is humiliated by someone’s generosity, selflessness, gratitude, because he is not capable of all this.
Fear the ungrateful, because ungrateful people are always and always envious, greedy, untalented, vindictive, ruthless, unspiritual and unhappy.
Now I am afraid of ungrateful people, but most of all I am afraid of being ungrateful.
Now try to transfer everything that has been said to some people and the puzzles will come together without the slightest seam.
A few aphorisms that I will subscribe to:
Napoleon:
“Do you know that much worse than the vicissitudes of fortune is the unfounded disgusting human ingratitude.”
Cervantes:
“No sin angers or outrages God more than ingratitude...”
Buddha:
“The biggest fault in a person’s life is ingratitude”
Moritz Gottlieb
“An ungrateful person does not forget services rendered to him, but only tries to forget them.”
From the book by Esther and Jerry Hicks, The Teaching of Making Desires Come True.
“Gratitude ennobles and attracts happiness.”
“We are never more grateful for anything than for gratitude.”
What is ingratitude? How should children treat their parents? It is these questions that V. Sukhomlinsky reflects on in his text. In it the writer puts moral problem filial ingratitude.
The author, discussing this topic, gives an example from the life of the main character who committed a heartless act. Blinded by the unprecedented beauty of his own wife, the young man began to be indifferent to dear mother. The author notes the callousness and callousness of the son, who “killed his mother and took her heart out of her chest,” which proves the lack of moral and moral qualities hero. According to the writer, the ingratitude of children is “...the deepest condemnation of human vices.” The prose writer leads us to the idea that we need to treat our parents with care and love. We must appreciate every minute we spend with them.
The author's position can be formulated in the following way: sometimes children do not think about how many bitter thoughts a mother’s heart goes through; the ungrateful attitude of children towards their parents only causes condemnation.
One cannot but agree with V. Sukhomlinsky’s point of view.
Indeed, an ungrateful attitude towards relatives is the most poor quality any person.
An example of the ingratitude of children is K. Paustovsky’s story “Telegram”. Nastya, daughter of Ekaterina Petrovna, lives rich life. However, she is indifferent to the fate of her own mother; the girl did not even have time to come to the funeral. Despite the daughter's heartless attitude, the author is surprised by the mother's boundless love for her child. This example illustrates to us the heroine’s indifference and ingratitude towards her own mother.
Confirmation of this problem can be found in A.S. Pushkin’s story “ Stationmaster». main character did not appreciate the love and care of her father, who doted on her.
Forgetting about the only one loved one, the girl leaves with the hussar for the sake of a good life. After his daughter refuses to return home, Samson arrives at his station, where he soon dies. However, realizing the bitterness of her action, Dunya came to her father’s grave. The author leads us to believe that ungrateful children are capable of repentance for their heartless actions.
Thus, the problem raised by the prose writer makes each of us think about the ingratitude of children towards their parents. After all, we must treat our dearest and closest people with love and care.
Effective preparation for the Unified State Exam (all subjects) -
- Excessive haste in paying for a service rendered is a kind of ingratitude.Francois La Rochefoucauld
- After ingratitude, the most painful thing is gratitude. Henry Ward Beecher
- By providing benefits, we do not always gain a friend, but we certainly make several enemies. Henry Fielding
- Let the one who gave be silent; let the one who received speak. Cervantes
- We do not fully forgive the giver. The hand that feeds may also be bitten. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Gratitude is not the right of the one who is thanked, but the duty of the one who thanks; demanding gratitude is stupidity; not to be grateful is meanness. Vasily Osipovich Klyuchevsky
- Gratitude to those who do us good is a universally recognized virtue, and to show gratitude in one form or another, however imperfectly, is a man's duty both to himself and to those who help him. Frederick Douglass
- If I manage to do a good deed and it becomes known, I feel punished rather than rewarded. Sebastien Chamfort
- Demanding gratitude for each of your benefits means only trading them. It is not a great misfortune to serve an ungrateful person, but it is a great misfortune to accept a service from a scoundrel.Francois La Rochefoucauld
- Gratitude is that little thing that cannot be bought... It costs a scoundrel and a swindler nothing to feign gratitude, but they are born with a true feeling of gratitude. George Saville Halifax
- Gratitude gets old quickly. Aristotle
- Gratitude is the digestion of a good deed; the process, generally speaking, is difficult. Adrian Decourcel
- It is painful for a subtle soul to realize that someone owes her gratitude; for a coarse soul - to recognize oneself as obligated to someone. Friedrich Nietzsche
- Gratitude is a virtue that is demonstrated more often before than after.
Margaret de Blessington - The first step of ingratitude is to examine the motives of the benefactor. Pierre Buast
- It is not important who did you a favor, but who is most beneficial to thank. Wieslaw Brudzinski
- The gratitude of most people is born of a hidden desire to achieve even greater benefits. Francois La Rochefoucauld
- It is painful for a subtle soul to realize that someone owes her gratitude; for a coarse soul - to recognize oneself as obligated to someone. Friedrich Nietzsche
- People may forgive you for the good you have done for them, but they rarely forget the evil they have done to you. Somerset Maugham
- Gratitude - the right way bring more into your life. You breathe - be grateful for it, you have eyes, arms, legs, you can see this light, you can hear the sounds of nature, human voices, feel the wind blowing. Give thanks for everything that surrounds you. Don't focus on what you're missing. Be grateful for what you already have! Gibert V
- Those who are more careful in their promises are more accurate in their fulfillment. Jean Jacques Rousseau
- Almost everyone tries to get even for small favors; many feel gratitude for the mediocre; but almost everyone repays great services with ingratitude.Francois La Rochefoucauld
- People's mistakes in their calculations of gratitude for services rendered occur because the pride of the giver and the pride of the recipient cannot agree on the price of the benefit.Francois La Rochefoucauld
- We are not as grateful to those who helped us as to those who could have harmed us but refrained. Maria Ebner-Eschenbach
- If you want to be happier, stop thinking about gratitude and ingratitude and indulge in the inner joy that self-giving brings. Dale Carnegie
- Really, each of us has been given a lot, and we have a lot to be grateful for. A lot, but we don’t understand it. Alas! Charles Dickens
- Gratitude is a memory of the heart. Pierre Buast
- Is there anything more monstrous than an ungrateful person? William Shakespeare
- If someone has received a bribe, a cushy place or other gift from someone (from a person, an institution, a government), then he is grateful to the giver not only by agreement, out of loyalty or politeness, but even ideologically, out of conviction - for which he no longer paid. Karol Izhikowski
- The extent of my gratitude will be limitless within reason. Semyon Altov
- Relationships have become more complicated: you - to me, I - to him, he - to you. Semyon Pivovarov
- You are indignant at the fact that there are ungrateful people in the world; ask your conscience whether everyone who did you favors found you grateful. Seneca Lucius Annaeus (the Younger)
- A good deed never goes in vain. He who sows courtesy reaps friendship; he who plants kindness reaps the harvest of love; grace poured out on a grateful soul has never been fruitless, and gratitude usually brings reward. Basil the Great
- An ungrateful person is a person without a conscience; one should not believe him. Peter I the Great
- People not only forget benefits and insults, but even tend to hate their benefactors and forgive offenders. The need to repay good and avenge evil seems to them like slavery, which they do not want to submit to. Francois de La Rochefoucauld
- All our complaints about what we lack stem from a lack of gratitude for what we have. Daniel Defoe