My husband and I have been together since our university days. There was a lot of good and bad, too, but we survived everything, gave birth to a child, I decided that life had improved and was happy in my own way.
I often remember the first ones given now ex-husband flowers, because it was a modest bouquet of wildflowers. For me, this gift was the most valuable. There were no “I was waiting for 101 roses” whims; I understood that a student’s scholarship does not allow any expensive gifts.
My husband did not take money from his parents as a matter of principle. He wanted to prove that he was independent, which he later confirmed in practice by opening his small business. I was proud of my husband, helped as much as I could, and gave all the money I earned to the development of his business.
I remember the day when my husband brought two trips to the sea on our wedding anniversary. For us, who were saving literally on everything back then, these were exorbitant expenses, but he said that I deserved such a vacation. I bought a new swimsuit and we went on our first vacation. Then there were foreign resorts, gorgeous bouquets with or without a reason, but now I remember exactly those wildflowers and ten days at sea, and not what happened when the family had money. Then I was truly happy.
On that fateful day for me, my husband also bought vacation packages, but for the whole family - he, me and my son. But at the last moment it turned out that the husband could not leave work and offered to fly without him. I wanted to reschedule the vacation to a more convenient time for him, but my husband insisted and said that the child was already in the mood, and it was not yet known when he would be able to find time. In order not to hand over the voucher and ticket, I offered to go to my unmarried friend, but to my surprise she refused, citing being busy. And I took my mother-in-law with me.
My husband called us a taxi, in which we stood in a traffic jam, realizing with horror that we were late for the plane. I burst into tears that the vacation did not work out, but my mother-in-law began to calm me down, saying that this was apparently a sign from above, and it was not for nothing that all my plans were disrupted from the very beginning. We decided that a taxi would take us to the dacha, sunbathe there so that the child would calm down, and return home in the evening. They didn’t call anyone, so as not to upset them.
Arriving at the dacha, we even began to joke that the sea was so small (meaning the river), my mother-in-law offered to stay here for a week, but I wanted to go home to my husband, hoping that we could go together soon. In the evening, a surprise awaited me, my mother-in-law and my husband! He was sure that we were already on vacation, and he was not alone at home, my friend was with him, who refused to go with me. I won't describe the process further developments, I’ll just say that I immediately filed for divorce. Two years have passed since then, my husband never got married, I am also alone, he offered to start all over again, but I can’t, even for the sake of the child. I just can’t understand why they don’t live together, because now they’re both free?
websiteTo perform various household tasks, be it cleaning, washing or cooking, you always need a bunch of small items. The website https://ooo7km.com.ua/catalog/1000_melochey_optom/ has a large selection of such necessary little things, always in demand on the farm, which are offered here wholesale and retail.
Over the past month, the name of , which has launched, perhaps the most shocking campaign for its intimate details, Let’stalkaboutperiods (“let’s talk about menstruation”), has not left the pages of the media. She posted on her microblog page own photo and signed: “Yes, you’re right, I’m holding a regular sanitary pad in my hand. Menstruation is a natural part of every woman's life, and I would like the topic of women's health to be freely discussed in any country in the world. Let's talk about it."
The flash mob did not work out - only a few of her colleagues and subscribers supported Natasha. The topic turned out to be too taboo. And Vodianova’s fans bombarded her with perplexed questions and even outright insults: they say, why expose such intimate things. Meanwhile, Vodianova’s action is aimed not so much at the European community, but at Asian countries that are more enslaved in these matters. Vodianova says that in India, women still cannot leave the house during their period: sanitary pads are very expensive, and buying them is embarrassing and embarrassing. It was with the aim of changing this situation that the action was launched.
Angelina Jolie about mastectomy
A similar wave of anger and indignation hit the actress several years ago when she admitted that she had undergone a mastectomy - surgery to remove her breasts. The actress removed her breasts in order to prevent the development of breast cancer. Jolie said her mother died at the age of 56 after a difficult ten-year battle with cancer. The actress underwent an examination, as a result of which doctors discovered the BRCA1 gene in her body: with it, the risk of developing breast cancer is 87%, ovarian cancer - 50%. After this, Jolie decided to have a preventive operation, which she described in all possible detail. “I'm very glad I did it. My chances of developing breast cancer have decreased from 87% to 5%,” the actress concluded and added that she only had small scars from the operation. Of course, Jolie received a barrage of criticism, but she is no stranger to this. For her, something else is more important - to help at least one woman who finds herself in a similar situation, make a decision and save her life.
Angelina Jolie. Photo: Global Look Press
Lolita Milyavskaya and Irina Allegrova about alcoholism
About what is among creative people There are many alcoholics and drug addicts, it has long been known. But few women dare to openly admit their addiction. Irina Allegrova was one of the first to do this. The singer, who many years ago coped with her illness, described her condition this way: “At that moment I was an ostrich who seemed to have hidden her head in the sand and that’s it, no problem. It wasn't very good. But then I was in pain, and I thought that if I drank it would feel better.”
Irina Allegrova. Photo: Global Look Press
Her relatives tried to save her, hid bottles of alcohol, but she was able to stop only when she realized: a little more and there would be trouble. One fine day she said a firm “no” to her addiction - and won. Today Irina Allegrova is engaged in creativity, family, and feels absolutely happy.
"I'm an alcoholic. I can call myself that,” singer Lolita says to herself. But, however, he immediately clarifies: “After all, as you know, someone who has real problems with drinking will never admit to anyone, even to himself, that he is an alcoholic. Well, I have no problems. Yes, you can periodically find me with a glass of whiskey in my hands, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. Sometimes I allow myself to relax.” Milyavskaya also openly talks about her relationship with alcohol and admits that there were different periods, but now she doesn’t experience any problems with strong drinks.
Roza Syabitova about menopause
The country's main matchmaker has always insisted that she has no complexes, and there are no taboo topics for conversation. It is not surprising that it was she who raised a topic that is usually strictly taboo in society - the topic of menopause. This is a very difficult period in a woman’s life, which they try to talk about only with their doctor. Syabitova decided to put an end to the age-old taboo and organized on YouTube educational program entitled “Rosa Syabitova about menopause and not only..”, where she talks in detail about the condition of women during menopause, about the therapy that needs to be given to the female body during this period. She gives advice based on her own and others' experiences.
Rosa Syabitova. Photo: Global Look Press
“Often during menopause we experience negative emotions. It's hard for us to find mutual language even with your loved ones and friends. We are plagued by mood swings and depression. But you need to allow yourself to experience emotions. We don’t control ourselves when we laugh. In my practice I use the following techniques: 1) if I don’t like something, I talk about it openly; 2) if you want to throw some object at your interlocutor, then do it only in your imagination; 3) try to smile more often, for example, set yourself the task of smiling 15 strangers per day. This helps a lot,” says the TV presenter.
One of the themes of the program is: “Let's talk about sex after 45 years. So does he exist? Of course, not all readers of Syabitova’s blog and fans of her work within the framework of the “Let’s Get Married” program were enthusiastic about new topic. Some of them still feel that such details intimate life It's better to remain silent. And when Syabitova publicly said that menopause occurs not only in women, but also in men, a flurry of indignation arose. But the TV presenter does not intend to retreat; she plans to continue to educate her fellow citizens on such delicate issues.
Alla Pugacheva and Laima Vaikule about abortion
Three times mom. But one day she mentioned that she could have had more children. “My big mistake is that I didn’t give birth to a child. I can't forgive myself. Every time I go to church I light candles so that I can be forgiven. But this is such a sin!” said the Prima Donna about the child she could have given birth to many years ago.
The Mirage star found out she was pregnant when she was 15 years old and in college. The singer's parents insisted on an abortion - they did not want their daughter to spoil her future. “I can understand them, because I was only 15 years old. But, despite my seemingly carefree age, I treated what happened like an adult - like a tragedy,” recalls Natalia. After the incident, the singer was married four times. She had two children - son Alexey and daughter Yana.
Alla Pugacheva and Laima Vaikule. Photo: instagram.com
“I am doomed to remain alone! This is the Lord’s punishment for me!” - admits. She also had to make difficult choices. “We had to choose between the baby and the stage. And, alas, I chose the second,” recalls the star. After this, all the artist’s attempts to get pregnant were in vain.
Kylie Minogue on infertility
She openly admitted that the singer was infertile two years ago. The reason is her fight against breast cancer, which Kylie was diagnosed with early stage back in 2005. After intensive treatment and chemotherapy, the disease, fortunately, subsided, but Kylie will never be able to give birth again. “I realized that I couldn’t get pregnant,” Minogue admitted. - When they tell me that there is now a large number of opportunities to get pregnant, I want to scream. Because I lost the natural opportunity to become a mother. I think every woman has an image of her future child. But I won't have own child, it is sad. It took me a lot of strength to accept this fact.”
Kylie Minogue. Photo: Global Look Press
11.04.2013
I don't believe in success. I just don't believe it. But he is. Just not for me. I always achieve my goal. It was like that before. Until I set myself a goal - to achieve financial independence. Earn so much money that you never think about it again. Since then I've been stuck in some kind of mess. There was a lot of time and opportunities ahead, but they all ended up being a waste of effort, time and money. And it's starting to seem to me that I will never be able to achieve anything.
But the goal remains the goal - and sooner or later I will achieve both financial independence and recognition of people who have lost faith in me. The word late for me now is like the color red for a bull - it makes me furious. I can endure it for a very long time. The only annoying thing is that life is too short to endure for too long.
There is another scenario - it won’t work out for me. What then? And all over again. I will continue to do something and think about how to change everything. And so on until death. Or until he gets completely bored. At least that's what I've been doing for a long time. In moments of breakdowns like this, I like to throw out everything that’s boiling up so that it doesn’t burden my soul. And it’s like I’m being reborn.
It makes my soul feel better. Strength appears. Energy is restored. I feel renewed. Ready to try again to change my destiny. I don’t know if I’m getting closer to my goal, but it stops worrying me the moment I realize that sooner or later a person gets what he dreamed of.
And a rare impulse of inspiration visits me, and my soul somehow becomes light and light. It seems that everything is real. All you have to do is... just do it... It seems that the solution is simple and I I'll definitely find him…
But who the hell knows what to do. Maybe everything just seems. The solution is found. And more than one. But none of them bring the desired result. Or none at all. What's next? And again all over again. Vicious circle.
And I go to the site in a depressed mood and look at everything that is here. I listen to music, watch videos, read the text that I wrote myself just a couple of weeks ago and am surprised at how vital energy, which was then in me. I am amazed at the power that has accumulated on this site. I am amazed at all that he is able to do for people who are in a bad situation.
I don’t even know why I decided to create this site. Did I think that I would help people or myself? Or maybe all together? Sometimes he pulls me out of depression by the scruff of the neck when I give up. And I am very upset that too few people have touched this entire gold collection that I have accumulated here. It could save them and inspire me.
Article p.zdets. I very rarely reveal the thoughts that lie on my soul. But...in the end ;))
I add 11.11.16 after three and a half years. I haven’t given up at all, no matter how many failures befall me, of course I’ll fall down broken and crushed, I'll lie under the rubble of my own unfulfilled for the next 100th time of goals and aspirations, and I get up, dust myself off, and get even more angry than before fight for success which I already undoubtedly worthy, like a stubborn ass, I get up and fuck and continue to believe that I will achieve the life I want. Everything will be OK, and if not, then everything goes back where it came from!😉 So if I don’t break or get broken (and I don’t exclude that either), I’ll continue to move forward! Of course, sometimes after another failure it takes me a little longer to come to my senses, sometimes I can gather my strength for months, and perhaps even years, absolutely and daily assuring myself that I have given up, destroyed, and will never rise again, but the essence does not change. Since it’s not possible even for years to achieve what some people get 10, or even 50 times faster than me, I will still do everything in my power and wait for my damn chance! And he will definitely be there. Yes, and I think that at least I can make this site really cool. A inspirational video, which I have now added to this article, best represents the thoughts I have expressed. Yes, and thanks for the feedback, friends. Sometimes I come here just to read your comments, it really gives me strength.
But even this time was enough for me to turn away from her, no matter how much I respected her before.
After all, they say that just one word can destroy everything. All our relationships, over which I once trembled so much, shook so much - they all collapsed overnight, from just one phrase: - You are a stranger.
So, just like that, I’m a stranger. Why didn’t she talk about this before, when she ran to me with advice, asked for money, and drove me around like a servant?
When my husband and I moved from the village and broke away from her supervision, this predatory mother-in-law forced us to jump to her tune for a long time: she called my husband and demanded that we always come on weekends.
On Saturday, as usual, I cleaned her house, forgetting about what rest is, but I work, I have a five-day work week, two small children and a husband whom I had to take care of, plus at that time my husband and I had our own house, which also needed cleaning.
But of course, no one ever thought about me: my mother-in-law always wanted to use me, all her life, and what’s more, we realized that she was even preparing a replacement for herself - her beloved youngest daughter Zina.
Yes, she wanted us to obey her Zinochka as unquestioningly as we did her, so that we would not even dare raise our voices at her daughter, express dissatisfaction, or, God forbid, if we began to criticize Zinaida, this crazy, young hysterical girl.
My mother-in-law tried to drive us under the thumb of her impudent daughter.
How did this manifest itself? Let's say one day my husband's mother called us and warned us not to come to her village for the weekend.
After that, she told her husband on the phone:
Your wife isn't busy on weekends, is she? Let him go and help Zina put up wallpaper/stack firewood/clean up the yard, etc. Otherwise it’s hard for Zinochka to manage.
(Although everywhere in the village the mother-in-law boasted that she had a very hard-working daughter who could do everything. Who in fact is a terrible lazy person.)
That’s when my husband realized that he shouldn’t have listened to me earlier: for them we are just a free work force. Before that, he was somehow silent anymore and didn’t interfere. He remained silent here too.
He kept silent when I started doing it my way. And I sent my mother-in-law’s advice away and stopped going to “visit” her (Wow, visiting, where you plow like a horse!)
At first, my mother-in-law was sulking because my husband was coming to visit and I wasn’t. Then she began to turn my husband against me.
I remember how my husband asked: “Well, let’s go together, otherwise mom will be offended, and then what will people say about you not going?”
But I didn’t care about the opinions of her friends and relatives.
I continued to enjoy my legal weekend, when you can clean the house on Saturday and just lie in front of the TV on Sunday.
Then my mother-in-law first sent Zina to me.
Zina came and from the doorway began telling me that I had no right to ignore my mother-in-law’s calls and trips to her “slavery.”
But I became completely insolent - I expressed everything that I thought about them and that I was sorry for all the years that I spent working in their house.
I also reminded that I definitely wouldn’t listen to Zina, so who is she? Mom's sycophant? A drunk who once went to the bottom, but thanks to me, she still remained human?
Then Zina also began to hiss at me, that I was a stranger and ungrateful, she complained about me to her mother, and that same evening she rushed to argue with me, the rebellious one.
She also started yelling at me from the doorway that I was a rude creature, and how could I, such a mature woman in years (I’m 34), dare to offend her daughter, “a young stupid girl”?
It was something. Unrecognizable in anger, previously always more or less well-mannered, my mother-in-law stood in the middle of the apartment, screaming, scaring my little children and neighbors by saying:
She always knew that I looked like my mother (who died recently from a serious illness).
This “second mother” cursed me and wanted me to walk like my mother, “like this”: at that moment she smeared her face with her hands, like a madwoman, and generally showed how crazy people behave. (This is apparently how she considered my late mother).
She also recalled to me that she had recently helped bury her, my deceased mother, although I didn’t ask her for this - my relatives were going to help, but she got in, saying “what will people say if I don’t help hold the funeral?”
Help is help, but I was still the only one paying for the funeral.
Three months had barely passed since the funeral, and she was acting so wildly, maybe she was hoping that in this place I would break down and cry?
What about me? How did I react to all this? I told her dryly: “Don’t yell. You scared the children." I called my husband, we got into the car and drove away from our house.
My husband did not interfere during our quarrel.
When we returned, I saw the scattered things that she had scattered around the house and a photograph of me with my eyes pierced by a needle.
I became afraid of what else this abnormal woman was capable of.
I was able to forgive her, but even after that she did not leave the memory of my deceased mother alone, so now my husband and I have turned away from them all - from my husband’s mother and sisters.
« I will never be able to do this!" - familiar words? Why do almost all of us have our own “never”?
I will tell about myself.
My parents are exceptional erudite people(I already wrote a little about our family in an article about, remember?).
Dad - talented person with a phenomenal memory, and also an “eternal excellent student.” Mom, in addition to a good education, has been engaged in self-education all her life, is well versed in history, culture, classical music and literature.
Throughout my childhood they tried to instill in me the habit of self-education: they read to me out loud, by hook or by crook they slipped me interesting literature, tried to interest us in the History of the Fatherland and other things.
And, if mom didn’t push too hard, dad was unshakable. As far as I remember, every meal we had together began with an examination by date. Moreover, it was almost impossible to earn an “excellent” from him: there was always a question that I could not answer.
In general, with my dad, I was considered a “dark” person, who did not want to know anything and went out only because of my abilities (I was always an excellent student, I was one of the first at school).
As a result, despite my knowledge and love of learning, despite the fact that most often it turns out that I know or have read much more than my interlocutors, I still have “darkness” in my subconscious, from which it seems I can never get out.
Do you have similar problems? Tell us! In the meantime, I’ll turn to psychology.
Some time ago I came across wonderful book "I want to tell you about…"(author – Jorge Buhay). This is a dialogue between an unusual psychotherapist, Fatty Jorge, and his friend and client Demian. In response to each of Demian’s problems, Jorge has his own story, his own parable: be it a topic or other issues.
The first chapter is devoted to our topic today, I’ll retell it in my own words:
Demian came to Jorge with a problem: he really wanted to confess his feelings to one girl, but he “couldn’t” and believed that he would never be able to do this.
In response, Fatty told him the following story:
As a child, he loved going to the circus. He especially liked elephants.
These huge animals were incredibly strong. During the performance they showed their capabilities, and immediately after the performance and until the next one, they calmly sat on a thick chain.
One end of the chain was tied to the elephant's leg, and the other to a small peg in the ground. Little Jorge was perplexed: how is this possible, why don’t the elephants break free, why don’t they even try to free themselves? They could have easily succeeded - the peg was driven into the ground only a few centimeters.
The adults answered like this: “The elephant does not escape because it is tame.”
But then Jorge asked: “Why then are they putting him on a chain?” A reasonable question to which he had never received a reasonable answer.
And the answer is:
The circus elephant does not run away because it has been tied to the same peg since childhood.
And indeed: in childhood, a long time ago, a little elephant tried time after time to break free and run away, but could not. He tried again and again, but to no avail.
And when the elephant grew up and could easily free himself, he did not do this for one reason: he thought that he would never be able to free himself.
As Jorge says, we humans are tied to hundreds of pegs that limit us. We believe that we will never be able to do something just because we tried once and failed.
“Never say never,” no matter how trite! And Fat Man Jorge’s advice is this: even if you know for sure that you will never be able to do something very desirable, try anyway.
“Put your whole soul into it - and try!”
I suggest we start together and share our successes with each other :)